Original subtitles

A pen that doesn't work.

Scrape gum.

And a tissue.

A youth tissue? Ew.

And that's lovely, viewers. It's everything that's in my bag. Later.

Ninja! Don't do that!

Well, what if I do this?

Ninja!

Yeah, I don't think ninjas yell ninja. Kind of takes away from the whole ninja

thing. Fine. I'll go ninja outside.

Um, a little help, please?

Ninja!

Playing ninja?

Yeah, I don't think ninja is the old ninja. That's what I said.

Ninja out.

What is all that stuff?

It's for a family camping trip. Every year, me, my mom, and grandpa explore,

hike to the bubbling springs, eat s'mores.

It's awesome. Sounds awful.

I've seen camping on TV, but I didn't think it was a real thing.

I love camping.

Nature, family, wilderness, birds. Okay, now you're just saying words.

I'm going to spend time with my family back here in civilization.

You're lost.

Ooh, marshmallows!

Like I said, s'mores.

And those marshmallows are from last year's trip.

Still good.

That's a lot of camping stuff.

You may find this hard to believe, but I've never camped.

I can totally see that. I'm sure. I played a vegan wilderness survivor who

nothing but trees for two years. It was based on a true story.

Well, in real life, he survived for two days, and he had food.

And he wasn't vegan.

Oh, no, what happened? Are you okay?

I'm just fine.

He's not. He sprained his ankle.

Out logging in the back 40.

To clarify, he was eating a chocolate bar and tripped over a log.

Oh. But it was in the back 40.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be ship -shape and ready to go camping.

No camping for you. You're supposed to rest. Doctor's orders.

That quack doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm going camping.

She's not a quack, and stop saying that to her, by the way. You're not going.

Aw, too bad Grandpa can't come.

If you have room for another now, I'd love to go. Really? Really?

Really? Yes, really. Why is everyone so surprised?

Oh, I just thought you maybe... Why, what?

Seriously, I'd love to go camping.

Is that okay with you, Soph?

Of course.

Just don't get between me and my s'mores.

No, I'm furious.

I'll try not to.

Anyway, this will be a great bonding experience.

I want to bond. I mean, bonfire. I mean, I want to camp too. Really?

Really. Really?

Like an hour ago, you said it sounded awful.

You must have misunderstood me.

You said, camping sounds awful.

This girl, what an imagination, am I right?

Well, you're more than welcome to come.

But you do know camping is outside, right?

Of course I know it's outside.

Which is why I cannot wait.

I love it outside.

You know, with all the sky and the...

Ground.

I stand corrected.

Oh, thank you. Apology accepted. I didn't...

Hi,

boys. I... Oh, staring contest.

I'll wait.

Hey, blinker.

Sorry, what's up? I have a favor to ask. Anything for you, Beth. Could you stay

with my dad while we're camping? He hurt his ankle and I don't want him to leave

the house.

Ooh, you mean lock him up, pretend he's in prison and guard him 24 -7 so he

doesn't escape? Nope, not what I meant.

I just want to make sure he's getting some rest. He's not good at relaxing.

You can count on us.

Well, you can count on me.

Great, give us a call if you need anything and this is where we'll be.

again. No, thank you for entrusting me with this monumental task.

I have the utmost respect for my elders. Because, dear citizens, they're the

real superheroes.

And I'll be the supervillain. No, you won't. But I've been working on my evil

laugh.

That's not bad.

Nice work, Craig.

You're natural.

Thanks. I'm actually just acting like I know what I'm doing. No idea what these

are.

Mom, you're on fire duty. Diamond's on lunch. And what's your job, Soph?

Telling everyone what to do.

Great job. I know.

And I guess I can gather some wood.

Ooh, is that my luggage tent? There are two tents.

One for you guys, one for us. None for luggage.

Where'd you get the cart anyway?

Oh, I have a cart, guys. You name a cart, I can get it.

Shopping cart, golf cart, go cart. Why'd you bring all those clothes?

We're camping.

Which is why I came prepared.

I've got rugged, outdoorsy, fierce, who knows how many looks I'll need on my

wilderness adventure.

I do.

One look.

This.

Ooh, I can fix that.

Starting with your shorts. Why so many pockets? I mean, you're not a kangaroo.

Wait. There aren't any kangaroos around here, are there?

Sometimes parents need a little help.

So we're helping ours get together.

My mom, my best friend. Her dad, huge movie star.

And things might get a little crazy.

Okay, a lot crazy.

But that's just life in Starfall.

These are so dirty. I can't find any clean ones.

They're sticks from the ground, which is made of dirt.

How's lunch coming, Diamond?

Oh, right, that's my job. On it.

Ow.

So what do you guys feel like? Pizza, Thai, tacos?

Oh, Johnny Buffet's, they have everything. Diamond, you can't order

the middle of nowhere. Or twine pizza, pad thai, and cauliflower tacos with

extra guac. What's your address?

Address? Hmm, there's a lot of trees, some bushes, and rocks.

Oh, and a creek.

So 30 minutes are free, right?

He hung up. Can you believe it? Yes. He is so getting two stars.

I guess we can eat the burgers I brought for dinner.

Then what are we going to eat for dinner?

Vogel fishing.

Yes. Another new experience.

I've never been fishing before.

I've played. A crab fisherman who got lost at sea during a big storm.

You won an award, we know.

And a fisherman who gets terrorized by a government engineered dinosaur slash

barracuda. Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah,

you did not win an award for that. I did not.

Here, Lou, have some milk. It will help your brittle bones.

My bones are not brittle.

Would you please?

I'm fine.

I just want you to feel comfortable.

I was comfortable until you... Can you hear that, Lou?

Is it loud enough for you?

Yeah. I could probably hear it in the other house.

What? I said I could probably... I'm hungry.

What? I'm hungry.

What about rugby?

Oh, for the love of... I think that was a bit too loud.

You think?

And in conclusion, the great outdoors consists of the sky, the ground, and a

of living stuff in between, all of which wants to bite you.

Ow!

Impressed how quickly you caught on, get it?

Caught on. Nice fishing joke.

You're a real natural.

Well, I'm hooked on fishing because of my great teacher.

Fishing puns, so lame.

Yeah, puns aren't for everyone. But it's nice to see them having so much fun,

right? Uh, yeah, totally.

Super nice.

We should be having fun, too. Why aren't we having fun? Let's have some fun!

Uh... I was about to hang this hammock. Could that be fun?

Don't let the fun begin!

Sorry, I didn't think this would be so complicated.

What? This is super comfy. Totally fun.

Ah, you're right.

I do need to rest.

Yes, you do.

While we're here, let's cherish this time together.

Sounds great.

Tell me a story from the old days. Did you travel by horse, wagon, or both?

How old do you think I am?

I mean, I'd be happy to tell you some stories, but, um... Hey, could you do me

a favor first? Anything, name it. Run me an Epsom salt bath.

Love to.

Wait, what are Epsom salts?

Oh, they're for a very...

Very geriatric people.

They help to soothe our tired and weary bones.

Perfect. I'm on it.

Hello. Hi,

Bo.

What are you up to?

Leaving soon?

Nope. I'm going to sit here all day.

Great.

So, Bo, got anything weird hidden under your bed?

Always. Be right back.

Wow, Diamond.

You really got yourself wrapped up in there.

How did this even happen?

It happened because of all the fun we were having right, Beth. So much fun.

Yeah, tons of fun.

Okay, hold still. I'm going to cut you out. Cut me out?

Cut the hammock.

Totally knew that.

Check it out, Lou. It's full of nails, and they're not the hammering kind.

Hey, Lou, your Epsom salt bath is ready.

Where'd he go?

I don't know.

We've got to find him. Wait, what's the Epsom stuff?

Sounds like a space bath.

Can I try it? No, we've got to find poor, frail old Lou.

He's probably headed to the campsite. But I want a space bath.

Ugh, fine.

I bet you worked up an appetite after all that struggling.

How about some dinner? Hey, Sophia, let's prep the fish we caught.

Oh, sure.

Okay, what should I be doing?

Well, you could... Help with the napkin.

Yeah. You can put out the napkin. And make sure they don't blow away.

Great.

Napkin.

Hey, Nick, pick up, pick up.

Namaste. Oh, voicemail.

Oh, good. Nate, I need your help.

You need my help?

I mean, Sophia and I need your help. It's an emergency.

Why? What's wrong?

Well, it's not a real emergency, but we have a plan.

Choose what I need you to do.

Oh, no, napkins!

Do you need napkins?

No, I'll call you back.

Everything tastes better outside.

My compliments to the chef. And my compliments to the fisherman and fisher

And great job on the napkins.

So, we should head on our hike soon.

Hike? What hike?

Just around the campsite sounds fun.

That was a good hike.

No, that was walking in a circle.

I meant our hike to the bubbling springs.

You guys will love it. Of course I will, because I love water and I love

bubbles. Yeah, it's like nature's club soda.

Toast! But, uh, shouldn't we wait a while?

Heard you're not supposed to go hiking for 30 minutes after eating.

That's swimming.

Nope, pretty sure it's hiking.

But... Oh, no!

We've got to find Lou.

Do you even know how to read a map?

Yes.

Maybe.

I don't know. I always use my phone for directions, and when I typed in Beth's

campsite, I got no results.

Well, there's no X on here for treasure.

Yeah, I'm out.

What are we going to do?

How many bugs?

Let's just give up.

Oh, well.

So long, Lou.

Nice knowing you. No!

I know. To track Lou, I need to think like him.

Now, what does he think about?

Ham, radios, ham radios.

That's no help. Come on, think, Phoenix, think.

Aha! I'll let the wilderness guide me to Lou.

I'll listen to the leaves, follow the scents, become one with nature.

Yeah, that should work.

Girls, stay back.

That's all I got.

Don't worry, everyone. I know how to deal with bears like Toad.

You do?

Yeah, I saw a bear movie once.

Plus, I had a stuffed bear growing up. We just need to make ourselves look as

big as possible.

Why are you smiling?

I'm smiling because the bear's wearing sneakers.

You think I know how to spot a bear double by now?

What is Diamond doing?

Back to the woods with you, bear!

You're the adult.

We're bear -sized snacks.

Sneakers. Yes.

Sneakers can be a snack.

I get it.

That's not a real bear.

That was quite a bear fight.

See, I'm just as wildernessy as you guys. Maybe more. Anyway, you're

Okay, what's going on? What's going on is I just risked my life and fought a

bear for you. The bear was wearing sneakers.

So?

A fashion -forward bear.

Fine, it wasn't a real bear.

But I did fight him. Nate, are you okay?

Not really.

You guys... were bonding with all your wildernessy fishing jokes and fires

starting, and all I could do was get trapped in a hammock.

You don't have to be good at camping to be a part of this family.

So what if you ordered delivery to a campsite, became a hammock burrito? Not

really making me feel better. You're Diamond Brooks, and you're awesome for

other reasons.

Would you feel better if you listed some of them?

Well, you're kind, thoughtful, and my very favorite daughter.

Dad!

But continue.

You're funny and talented.

Those are both true.

And you're a really great friend.

Aww.

Can I come out now?

Yes.

Hey, I know I probably shouldn't have gone along with this, but Diamond said

was an emergency and she can be very convincing.

Oh, neat.

I am convincing.

I hear the leaves, feel the air.

What's that smell?

I know, crushed moss.

Someone walked through here recently.

Yeah, us.

We've passed that big rock like three times.

What? My sense of smell has failed us. I'm not one with nature after all.

So you mean we're lost?

That's another way of putting it.

I think I just saw a bear.

Hiking selfies.

I'm documenting our adventure with selfies.

This is diamond style at Georgina.

It's good to have our diamond back. And the bubbling springs could be close.

I can't wait. Can we swim in it?

You could.

It's a bit muddy and a little bit stinky.

But there are bubbles.

Muddy and stinky bubbles.

That's less appealing.

Slightly disappointed selfie.

So where do we go from here, Soph?

Huh? I thought you knew the way. I was following you.

Wait, I guess grandpa usually leads the way.

So neither of you know where we're going?

Uh -oh.

We're lost?

A little bit. Totally.

Lost selfie.

What was that?

Maybe it was Nate.

Well, he left two hours ago, so probably not.

But maybe...

We want the bear to think we're big so he'll leave us alone, right?

Yeah.

I think.

I hope.

Okay, I never actually saw a bear movie.

I saw one about a bank robbing raccoon. You know how they have that cute little

mask. So we might be doing the opposite of what we're supposed to be doing?

Possibly. Diamond!

What? We just established that I'm not a doozy. Would you too?

We'll face whatever's in there as a family.

How did you guys end up out here?

Let me guess. My dad escaped.

Yep. Told you we should have locked him up. I'm impressed you kept him inside at

all. He's probably at the campsite by now. I'll text him.

No service.

No bars? I have no bars? Where are we? The Industrial Revolution?

Not according to this map.

Don't care. I'm hungry.

Me too.

Who knew getting lost, fearing for your life, and then getting lost again would

work up such an appetite?

I call this one desperate and lost.

the log in the background really adds... Wait, I know how to find our way back

to the campsite.

Make a nest in the west side and wait for a bloom to spawn us.

Or we go through the selfies I took on our hike and use the landmarks to find

our way back.

That's actually pretty brilliant.

Thanks. Oh, brilliant selfie.

And there's the fallen tree I had to jump over in my action selfie.

And there's the rocky pass in my...

I'm totes bored of this hike already, selfie.

And... Here we are!

Yes, I have cell reception back in the land of the living!

Dad's not here. I'll text and see where he is. I'm starving.

Ooh, what's the rummage?

Wow.

Gotta hand it to you. Your obsessive selfies finally paid off.

Guess I'm out to a see after all.

Yeah, I wouldn't go that far.

Turns out...

Grandpa's at home.

Toby hasn't been in the bath this whole time.

Toby's so wrinkly.

What was that? Oh, no. Not again.

Got an order for Diamond Brooks.

Yeah, food.

I'm a wilderness hero again.

Like a heroic tip.

Yeah. I can't believe you found us out here.

Is it cool if I hang out with you till you leave?

No idea how to get back.

Dad,

what happened? Your ankle looked worse.

Well, I was trying to escape.

I made it to the edge of the driveway, stepped in a gopher hole.

Fortunately, Charlie was passing by and he took me to the clinic.

Doctor says I'm supposed to rest and heal.

Quack. Okay, this time you're not going anywhere.

Ooh, can I guard him? Yes.

Yes?

Yes!

Okay, I'll need handcuffs, a siren, and three giant spotlights.

I can't believe I missed my first camping trip.

You know, maybe you don't have to.

Wow, girls.

Looks great.

Nice work, you two.

We wanted you to have a family camping trip too, Grandpa.

Thanks. And you made my favorite beans.

Oh, oh, group selfie.

You know, just in case we get lost again.

Hey, Lou, can you tell us an old -timey ghost story?

Oh, me first, me first. I have a super scary story.

It all started with a box full of nails.

And they're not the hammering kind.

They're toenails.

Oh, I'm eating.

Bye.