Original subtitles

I'm like five feet away. How much quicker? Quick!

Everything okay?

Totes. And it's going to get so much better once I buy this.

Can't figure out what I'm looking at.

Wait. Is that a rock hat?

Uh, yeah.

And it's not just a rock hat. It's a statement.

Is that statement, this hat is made of rock?

It's made with hand -gathered rocks and rock shavings that glimmer in the sun as

you walk.

Well, that sounds... What's the word?

Totally frivolous. That's two words. The point is, why would anyone need a raw

cat?

If you don't know, then I really think you're the one who's missing the point.

No, actually, I'm... Wait, was that... Did you just see a cupcake fly by the

window? Cupcake?

Yep.

Flying cupcake.

FYI, Bo got a slingshot.

Ooh, red velvet!

A big slingshot.

Not a great color for you.

So, I gotta go get $500 from Dad.

$500 what?

Dollars, duh, for the hat.

The hat cost $500?

He'll never give you $500 for a hat.

Thanks, Dad.

You know the pin, right, honey?

Of course.

So, wow, he just gave you his credit card? I don't understand the question.

My mom would never do that. Really?

But why not?

Because I live in the real world, where when kids want money for dumb stuff,

their parents say, that's dumb, we live in the real world, you can't have money

for it.

That's so super sad.

Like, I'm tearing up sad.

Okay, I'll better. Sorry, I get emotional sometimes.

I'm kind of learning that.

So talk to me.

If your mom gave you her credit card, what would you buy? And don't say raw

it's my statement piece.

No worries there.

But if my mom just handed out money, there are so many things I'd buy. A

a barn for the horse, a saddle for the horse, a greener jacket.

Greener jacket?

For the whore. No, for me. I bought this other one online, and it looked like a

forest green, but it's more chartreuse.

Have you seen chartreuse?

Not a good green. A better shade of green jacket. That I totally get. And

should also get it.

From your mom.

No way. If I ask her, she'll just laugh at me. Oh, please. I am sure. That's not

true.

$500?

Glad you're enjoying this so much.

I'm sorry, but why would I give you money for a slightly greener jacket?

The one you had is perfectly fine, and it's a lovely chartreuse. There's no

thing as a lovely chartreuse.

And it's not fair.

Craig gave Diamond $500.

For a rock hat.

A hat made of rock.

Well, in that case, maybe we should ask Craig to adopt you.

Maybe he can adopt me, too. I could use $500.

Maybe buy myself a pair of bluer jeans.

Or a sneakier sneaker.

Okay, now you're just being annoying.

You're not going to let this go, are you?

Oh, no.

Sometimes parents need a little help.

So we're helping ours get together.

My mom, my best friend, her dad, huge movie star.

And things might get a little crazy, okay, a lot crazy, but that's just life

Starfall.

Could you pass the roll, please?

Oh, you want a roll, do you?

So when you want something, you expect me to give it to you, but then when I

want something, you're all, no, that's ridiculous, you can't have it.

That last part was you laughing.

How about I pass the rules?

So, just reading between the lines here.

Still mad, huh? Not mad. More disappointed.

Nip. Peeved.

Irked. Actually, mad worked.

Bone. What? I was trying to hit Phoenix.

Spoon.

And your backup spoon.

Anyway, Sophia, we have different rules in our house.

Oh, you have rules.

And I'd rather not discuss this at the... Diamond asked her dad for money,

he totally just gave it to her. But when I asked Mom for money, she laughed at

my face.

Table.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go blow the mashed potatoes out of my

nose.

Listen, I've been a parent longer than you two combined, so let me give you

some... Dad, got this.

And since now we are discussing it, in our house you have to earn your own

spending money.

Oh. I'm serious.

But think about it.

Earning is just learning without the L.

I just want Sophia to be sensible, responsible, not, um... Are you judging

parenting? No. We just have different styles.

Look, my kids are just used to... Getting whatever they want whenever they

Exactly. No, that is so not true.

Oh, that must be my slingshot pies.

Slingshot pies?

I have to play with my slingshot.

Not hard to understand.

Credit card?

Just to be clear, you gave him a credit card to buy pies.

To fling.

With a slingshot.

Well, I, um... Here's your card back.

Dad, need your card next. I saw an amazing new bongo drum that has onboard

Okay, that cannot be a thing. A lot of drummers get lost after drum circles.

The need is there.

You know what?

Maybe you're right.

Right about wanting a delicious roll.

Because rolls are delicious.

Maybe it is important for my kids to earn their own money.

He canceled my rock hat. Do you see how my head is not glimmering? It should be

glimmering. I can mug your head. You might shimmer a little. Not helping.

I know.

The whole thing with my mom totally backfired.

It's a nightmare.

A living nightmare. A living horrible nightmare. I'm sorry, okay?

Mom has this thing about teaching lessons and a bunch of other annoying

You're a bunch of other annoying stuff.

It's not my fault.

You said ask my mom for money, which made her laugh in my face, which made me

not pass the rolls, which made her look to your dad.

Okay, maybe I had something to do with it.

But I still say a raw cat is silly.

What, a slightly greener jacket girl?

Point taken.

But Diamond, there are other ways to make money.

If you mean call my mother, I already did. She's climbing Mount Fuji and the

cell service up there is so bad. Our convo was all, I, my, ha, n, what?

You get the idea.

I mean ways that aren't asking your parents.

You mean cat burgling?

Hey, why do people steal cats anyway?

You don't steal cats.

Oh, I'm sure some people steal cats.

But I'm talking about making your own money. Doing what? I don't know, like, I

could babysit or you could get a job. Or sell things you don't use. Okay, job,

eh, but... Selling things?

Gooseberry pie is gonna get air.

Look at that goose fly.

Okay, so your money advice?

Bang on.

Got any tips for a destructive kid with a giant slingshot?

Hmm. Well, what if we work on limit setting?

Yes, limit setting.

Genius. Oh, well, I wouldn't say genius.

I wouldn't either.

Dad, got this.

Bo, you need limits.

Okay.

From now on, don't aim at the mailman.

Well, we couldn't hit him anywhere.

That guy can move in those shorts.

Oh, what about that little old lady?

Trees. Aim only for the trees.

Fine. Let's see what Key Lime can do.

For sale, one bed. Done. No, no, no, no.

You want people to need the bed, crave the bed.

So instead put, for sale, handcrafted bed made of the finest wood from the

napula pula tree.

Yeah, that's not a tree. It could be a tree. But it's not a tree.

Boom, babysitting job got.

I am that much closer to my greener jacket. What about you?

I've started neck exercises in preparation for my rock hat. It weighs

pounds.

That totally makes it stronger.

Try it, Nate.

Yeah, that's never going to happen.

Yeah, I was talking about your money -making plan.

Oh, that.

Well, I'm selling stuff I don't use, just like you said.

Nice. That's great.

Wait, is that my bed?

Actually, it's a handcrafted bed made from the rare... I'm in the picture,

sleeping.

In the bed!

Okay, I am so confused.

You told me to sell something I don't use. But I use it!

Fine! How about I let you buy it back?

That'll be $500, please.

$300?

I can't go any lower!

Take my bed off there.

Now!

So, think we can still sell her sheets and pillows?

Is that a no?

Took all of Sophia's stuff down from your ad.

Even her toothbrush?

Yeah, because disgusting.

And why would you sell her toothbrush?

Well, I get a lot for my toothbrush.

You know, Webstar.

Wait, you have your own channel.

Don't you make a ridiculous amount of money?

Isn't that how those things work?

Because I really don't know how those things work.

Yes, that's how it works. And yes, I make a ridiculous amount.

Then what's the problem?

Dad won't let me touch it until I'm 21.

But you can't come fast enough.

I'm going to buy so many frivolous things.

Good for you. Okay, bye.

You're not going anywhere.

Those paths are limited edition.

Limited.

Understood.

Bye. No!

Think, think.

I need money -making ideas.

Now.

I don't know. A job you could do?

Paper route, bottle collecting, lemonade stand, lumberjack.

Yeah, that's it. Later.

Hey, I was kidding about a lumberjack.

You need a chainsaw.

And a chainsaw safety course.

She's not going to take that course.

Marble Rye, buh -bye.

Okay, so next, wait until Bo does something good and then praise him.

Okay, but it better happen soon. The yard looks like a bakery.

No worries, he'll get bored. He can't keep this up much longer.

I could do this forever and never get bored.

Okay, parenting geniuses, I'll take it from here.

Dad, we've got this.

Yeah, we don't got this.

Okay, kid. Come with me and bring the slingshot.

What are we doing here?

That is grade A manure you're smelling.

Well, a grade A stink.

This pile needs to go on that field and you're going to do it. Nope.

I'm gonna go order more slingy pies. See ya.

You can use your slingshot.

Really? Mm -hmm.

This is gonna be awesome!

You can't have a lemonade stand inside the cafe.

But it looks like it might get chilly outside.

I can't be chilly.

Oh, well then, I wouldn't want you to be chilly.

Thanks for understanding.

Lemonade isn't bad.

You mean delicious, right?

It's a flavor explosion, like a lemon blow up in your mouth.

And then someone opened your mouth and added in sugar and water.

Sure. I used the highest quality imported lemons, raw sugar, and hand

water from the French Alps.

Plus, everything tastes better in crystal glasses, right?

Sure.

Well, well.

So when life gave you lemons, you actually made lemonade.

Poetic. One glass, please.

Coming up.

That'll be $35.

Is there a friends and family rate? That is the friends and family rate. Regular

price is $70.

You might have mentioned that before you gave me the glass.

All I've got is $2.

Actually, $175, some twine, and used gum.

Fine, I'll take the $175 and the twine. You can keep the gum.

So, how much did the stand cost?

Well, the ingredients are pricey, and there's my custom -made table. You paid

someone to make you a table.

That you covered with a cloth.

Oh, and my crystal glasses!

The stand cost a lot.

I'm going to have to raise my prices.

In other glass?

Depends. You take already chewed gum.

So, peep, I'm drowning my sorrows with, well, lemonade.

Anyway, gotta jet. Later.

So, how was babysitting?

We played beauty salon.

Those kids are not good at beauty salon.

You look horrible.

You sound just like the parrot.

I'm sorry, what?

The tiny demons I was babysitting locked me in a closet with their insult

-hurling parrot.

I kicked down the closet door to escape, and now I have to pay for it. I'm in

debt. Have a glass of lemonade.

It'll make you feel better.

Oh, thanks.

That'll be $70.

Seventy dollars?

Yeah, I did a lemonade stand to make money.

Didn't go well.

I'm in debt, too.

How could you screw up a lemonade stand?

And how could your mom make my dad cancel my rock hat? Because that totally

completely ruined my life.

Dramatic much?

I'm so sorry you can't get your precious stone hat.

Semi -precious.

Stay out of my pacing lane. Your pacing lane? Oh, you're such a princess. And

you're such a... The opposite of a princess.

You need to work on your insults. Oh, yeah? Well... Oh, no! Look out! The

parrot!

Yeah,

there was no parrot.

I just said that. I can't...

The opposite of a princess.

You're a duchess.

Actually, the opposite of a princess is a commoner.

Wait, why am I helping you with anything?

Good luck getting out of death.

Thanks. And I totally know you're being sarcastic, but I'm going to pretend to

mean it anyway.

Whatever. I'm going to go drink orange juice that my mom bought for less than

three dollars.

Well, enjoy your cheap pulpy juice. I will. Great.

Oh, Sophia, wait.

What?

You're my friend, and friends don't let friends drink discount orange juice.

You can have some of my lemonade. For free.

I'm not drinking out of my thick cup. I know.

I'm not good at doing normal people stuff, you know?

I guess maybe I've been a tiny bit spoiled.

I know this wasn't all your fault.

It's okay.

I'm sorry, too.

Okay, now that the mushy stuff's done, what are we gonna do?

I don't even care about the jacket. I just want to get out of debt.

Me too. Plus, that rock hat will be out of style by next week.

Okay, hear me out.

If we work together, we can make more money more faster. Terrible grammar, but

maybe not the worst plan. So, got any ideas?

Okay, off the top of my head, we could build a skyscraper and rent out the

Or design a super popular line of clothing. Or build a space shuttle for

celebrities. Rich people will pay a lot to go to space.

Those are all ideas.

But wait, I know.

We'll raise money the way we do for the rescue.

A little help?

Sure. You missed a spot.

Think maybe you can do a little scrubbing?

A coupon for the chili hut.

A sub -stamp card.

No stamp.

And 96 .97.

Sweet! I call the chili coupon.

But we're still going to need to wash a lot more cars.

Ladies!

I know your sign says car wash, but, um, can you take care of this?

I guess.

How'd you get all that mud on you?

Oh, it's not mud.

That would explain the smell.

Eww!

I'll pay double.

Make a triple.

Deal.

did you do that?

The thing with kids is you don't need any positive re and whatever.

Or any of that nonsense.

You just need to tire them out.

Works every time.

Huh.

Good night.

Well, we have enough to fix the closet door and to pay for your stand.

And I learned my lesson.

I'll use cheaper lemons next time. That's the lesson you learned?

Because you sold my bed.

Now, to be fair, I...

Yes, I sold your bed. If it makes you feel better, I didn't get much for it.

You need a better bed.

So actually, I did you a favor?

Until I can get a new bed, I'm taking yours.

Dad, I need your credit card!

Nice bed.

It's being delivered today.

Craig's buying it, but Diamond has to pay him back.

That explains why she asked if I wanted to buy a unit of her new skyscraper.

So, question.

Are my arms too long for my body?

That is a question I did not expect to hear today.

It's something that horrible parrot said to me.

Now every time I look in the mirror, I feel like a cavewoman. I think your arms

are perfectly proportioned to your body.

Aw, thanks.

And you really shouldn't let a mean parrot get in your head like that.

True. Oh, and for the record, I still think your jacket is a lovely

And I still think there's no such thing as a lovely chartreuse.

Hey, nice barf green jacket.

How'd you get covered in mud?

Oh, it's not mud.

And that would explain the smell.

Again? Ow!

You don't want to know.