All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s07e10 Baja, Humbug

I've got to tell you, Rick, I really
hate this kind of case.

I wish we'd never gotten involved.

A .J., let me give you an instant cure
for that misguided remorse you're

feeling. Just open a corporate
checkbook, take a casual glance at the

The sum total wouldn't pay your laundry
bill for one week. I know why we're

doing it. All I'm saying is I don't
think poor Mr. Wallens is going to be

to face the truth.

Trust me, the guy is a teddy bear. He
begged us to do this for him.

My guess is he's got some little honey
on the side and he's going to be tickled

pink to get rid of his wife.

Good morning. Good morning.

Got here as fast as I could. Yeah.
Please, why don't you sit down, please?

Thanks.

You said you have something for me about
Rita?

Mr. Wallen, yeah,

in cases like this, however, what my
brother is attempting to say is that in

certain cases it's actually kinder not
to pull any punches, so we're just going

to give it to you straight.

Rita has what you might call a wandering
eye. She is definitely not going to

qualify as Mother of the Year.

What are you talking about?

Well, this.

Now, I know that this is going to sting
a little bit, but you said you wanted

the truth, so here it is.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

We're terribly sorry, Mr. Wallen.

This is terrible.

Well, trust me, you're going to be
better off without her.

Trust you?

I'll kill you.

Now, wait a minute. Harv, time out here.
You're the one. You came in here and

you asked us.

Harv, put him down.

Now, you just calm down right now.

You call yourselves detectives? You're
not even members of the human race.

Promise me from now on no more 250
-pound teddy bear clients.

You know, the thing that depresses me is
I hit that sucker with everything I had

twice.

Pow!

So we're getting a little older.

We're getting a lot older.

As a matter of fact, life's just passing
us by.

Oh, please, if this is going to get
philosophical, spare me. No, I mean it.

people we grew up with, they're...

They're building second homes. They're
planning retirements.

We get paid diddly squat for risking our
lives on a daily basis.

Did you answer that?

Stop dripping water all over my rug.

Yeah. Special delivery for Rick Simon?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Here you go.

There you go.

Why would they send that here?

This could be my home, too, you know.
Yeah, right.

Couch, the interior of the refrigerator,
and the cookie jar.

Where's it from?

Some lawyer in Mexico.

Damn. DeMaso Martinez died last week.

Who? DeMaso, you know, the guy I used to
go fishing with down in Sonora.

Oh.

Sorry. I don't believe it.

He gave me Selena.

To my dear friend, Ricardo Simon, I
leave my beloved Selena.

That's wonderful. That's just what we
need, is another mouth to feed. Oh, be

silly. Selena's not a woman.

She's the sweetest little charter boat
this side of the climate.

She's all mine.

You know what that is, don't you, A .J.?
Yeah, it's a boat.

No. That is salvation.

God has just given us an excursion
ticket for life.

On this old scowl? With that old scowl,
we could work a couple of half -day

charters a week and live like bloody
kings instead of being shot at and

silly. We could lie around down there on
the beach and spend the major portion

of our time with exotic women.

I'm talking about freedom.

Freedom from crazy clients and bill
collectors.

From a whole life that's circumscribed
from nine to five.

Talk about paradise.

Rick Simon, maybe.

Not for his younger and wiser brother.

Okay, younger and wiser.

Just got two words for you.

The novel.

Leasing the novel was taking unfair
advantage.

Why? Is it any sin to have dreams?

No, the sin is ignoring them.

Letting life sweep past like a tornado.
You got me, Rick. I'm here. You can stop

selling the snake oil.

I'm so proud, my brother, the novelist,
Papa Hemingway Simon.

Oh, shut up.

What happened? You escaped or did they
let you out? No.

The debt is all paid.

I'm a reformed man, see?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come here.

I'll tell you what, the day you're
reformed, they're going to have a parade

the main street of the Capitol.

Ramon, it's my brother, AJ.

Encantado. No, no, no, it's true. No
more gambling and no more land deals.

in my spare time, I help Father Davila
with Sunday collections.

How much do you keep to yourself?

I'm telling you, AJ, this is one
character you've got to put in your

Yeah. Tell you what, why don't you check
us in and we'll talk about it. Nice to

meet you. Vamos, vamos, vamos.

Vamos. Tanto tiempo.

Hi.

You're an American, aren't you?

Oh, does it show that much?

Yeah.

May I? Sure.

I'm AJ Simon.

How is this place?

My brother and I are going to be staying
here for a while.

Oh, well, most Americans prefer the
hotel on the beach.

I mean, they find the rooms here a
little too authentic.

What's in the glass?

Iced tea.

Oh, I don't start to margaritas until
about six.

If you want to talk authentic, wait till
you taste the margaritas.

You vacationing? Oh, I should be so
lucky.

No, I'm here on assignment.

I'm a freelance journalist.

No kidding.

I'll be darned. What a coincidence. I'm
a writer myself.

I hate to interrupt, but we're all
checked in.

Good. Why don't you take the bags up to
the room?

I'm sorry. This is my brother, Rick.

This is... Jackie Powell. Jackie Powell.

Your brother knows my whole history. I'm
a fugitive from the States who goes

wacko over authentic margarita.

She also happens to be a writer, which
means that we have a lot to discuss.

Good.

After the boat.

Do you two always relate like this? Only
since he's learned to talk. A .J., boat

now. We go boat.

Would you excuse me? I like the humor.

It's a poor fellow.

It's a pleasure meeting you, in spite of
my brother's rudeness.

There's no way to start, Rick. You have
to promise me that we're going to spend

a major portion of our time with exotic
women.

Business first, pleasure later.

I thought we came down here so that the
reverse would be true.

I don't believe it, AJ.

Wait till you see this, baby.

Every Sunday, sunup to sundown, DeMaso
was polishing his elbows off.

Decks, right work, bilges.

L .A. Engine was so clean, we used to
cook pancakes on it.

Ah!

You sure we're on the right dock?

You see another one? No.

Excuse me, which boat are you trying to
find?

The Selena.

DeMaso Martinez boat.

Salina, yeah. She's right over here,
senor. Uh, no, she's not. No.

Yeah. That's not it.

This is the Salina, all right?

This must have been some great tasting
pancakes.

No, it can't be.

DeMasa was so dedicated.

It's true.

But until a year ago when he found out
he was sick, he told me he was not going

to spend his last days working on some
damn boat.

Some damn boat?

Yep. Then he walked away and never came
back.

That sounds like a good idea to me.

Wait, AJ, where are you going?

I'm going back to the cantina to start
my novel. Make you proud of Papa

Hemingway Simon.

Bob, we have work to do on our boat.

Your boat, Rick.

I agreed to help with the charters. The
rest of this adventure in paradise is up

to you. Have fun.

A little polish, it'll...

They're

Americans.

And one of them has inherited a boat?

That's all you know?

They argue a lot, too.

I see.

Anything else?

They're staying in the cantina, but once
they get the boat fixed, they plan to

hire out for charter.

Oh.

Gracias, senor. Now, for God's sake,
don't spend it all.

Put something away for the future.

Si, senor.

Gracias.

Pablo?

It's come to my attention that you've
been talking to other people.

That is not true, senor.

Pablo, never, never allow yourself to be
tempted by greed.

Your life is worth more than a few
pesos.

Si, senor. I can never be tempted.

I mean, you've been so kind to me.

I don't want gratitude.

I want honesty.

It's the basis of business.

Honesty.

The basis of all personal relationships.

I hope you understand.

Si, senor.

The sun

scorched

the graying cobblestone for the ancient
plaza.

Andrew sat outside the cantina, feeling
as dry and salty as the rim of his empty

margarita.

Disturbing thoughts turned through his
mind, the mental emanations of this

sordid fiasco, this escape from reality.

The problem was his brother, Ricardo.

Ricardo refused to admit that the idea
of running a charter was utter folly.

He pursued his dream with the delicate
finesse of a wrecking ball pounding

through the crumbling plaster of a
condemned bordello.

hours dragged into days.

While Andrew pondered his bleak future
and thought some meaningful direction,

Ricardo squandered most of his time
drinking and sleeping.

Ricardo had a genius for things
mechanical.

engines responded to his touch with an
almost sentient recognition.

Unlike any woman he had ever known, the
machine accepted him at face value,

trembling under his crude pipe.

But ultimately, like every woman he had
known, the engine proved to have a mind

of her own.

The sight of this ritual dance between
man and untamed machine attracted

sightseers.

Andrew's suffering was intense.

The deep anguish of uncertainty marked
all his thoughts and all his actions.

Was this to be his life?

Was he born only for oblivion and shame?

I hate this!

I can't write.

Entree, Papa Boar.

I'll trade you some local vino for a
ream of typing paper.

Ricardo's luck was beginning to change.

Every valve and piston responded
adroitly to his smooth manipulation.

He was the lover par excellence, guiding
the willing dynamo into a region of

peer -to -poor, uncharted performance.

It was night now, and Andrew could see a
full moon behind the spires of the old

church in the town square.

And yet, even with all this beauty, with
all this peace and serenity, he was

still haunted by his brother's face.

Go on. Come on, AJ.

No, that's terrific.

It's not terrific. It's not even
adequate.

Hey, at least you're working on a book.

Look at me.

I'm eking out a living writing about
pollution and ecological problems no

even interested in.

Yeah, I'm faking it. You're not. That's
the difference.

Oh, shut up.

Just keep reading.

His brother's face, the face of Ricardo,
continued to haunt him. What power did

this strange man have over Andrew's
destiny? This visceral creature who

functioned from some mindless center
deep within, almost always with

results.

Hi. What are we celebrating?

Uh... Jackie's just talking me through
the little writer's block.

Ah.

I think it's in the charter business.

Well, this visceral creature managed to
get the engine started, so we're in

business.

Have you seen the office I rented for
us?

Sport fishing charters right here.

Beautiful sunset cocktail cruises to the
Sea of Cortez.

I've got a little help here.

You've never said anything about my
being a sideshow pitchman.

You promised me beautiful beaches,
exotic women, and a chance to write my

novels. So far, I'm perfectly content
with my side of the bargain. Just

you'd rather be cozied up to high there.

Most romantic cruises in town.

You're irresistible.

It's your fault they take one look at
that black cloud over your head, and

that's all she wrote.

You want help?

Yes.

All right.

Watch this.

Hi, folks. How you doing?

You ever been drowned?

Would you like a little second -degree
sunburn? Hey, we're running a special on

sea thickness here for tomaine poisoning
from rusty pancakes.

Ow!

Give me a break, Rick. Even if we were
lucky enough to sucker some of these

people in, they'd back out to... as soon
as they got one. Look at that leaky

tub. Leaky tub.

I will have you know that I have been
through storms in that boat that you

wouldn't believe. Twenty foot... Hi
there.

We always do this. We always argue about
safety procedures because, you know,

you get a little too complacent out
there at sea and it's right to the

Anyway, I'm Captain Rick and this is A
.J., my deckhand.

Alex Caritas. How do you do? My
associate, Panos. Panos.

Mr. Caritas, all the albacore abiding,
we get out there right now and tonight

you will have a dinner that you won't
soon forget.

Actually, we would just like to tour the
coastline.

Fishing is a sport I detest.

Me too, Mr. K. I usually don't tell
people this, but I hate fishing. It's

Yanking the hooks out of those poor
little mouths is just yuck.

I agree.

Are you free now?

Free? Well, I wouldn't say that. The
usual rate is 40 bucks an hour, an hour

a half minimum.

Hour and a half sounds fine.

Good. Shall we? Let's.

Yo, Beckham.

Yo.

Well, I'm really impressed.

This is quite a solid little craft.

Tell me, have you ever had her all the
way across to Baja?

All the way across?

Yeah, yesterday, as a matter of fact.

Party of Americans.

Dennis, all the way over to Santa
Rosalina.

Let's see, that's an hour and 42
minutes. That kicks it up to the two

rate, so that'll be 80 bucks.

Well, why don't we make it an even
hundred? Why don't we do that?

Don't forget this afternoon.

I'm counting on both of you. Ah, are you
kidding, Mr. K?

Wouldn't miss it.

I've got to tell you, it makes me sick.

All the dripping and drooling and
fawning.

Captain Rick's friendly charters. I
mean, it's humiliating.

Well, at least you have to give him high
marks for trying. Thank you.

I see that somebody appreciates the
sacrifices I make.

Well, well, well.

Who's the unlucky lady?

It's not a lady. It's Mr. Caritas. You
were both invited, so let's go.

No, thank you, Captain. He's your pal,
not mine.

A .J., he's invited us to go shooting
with him.

The man's a collector. He's got
everything from Farquharson to restored

ideals to... Ooh, sounds fascinating.

Yeah.

Guns and big cars. That's the way his
mind, such as it is, works.

So I take it you're not going.

No.

To be truthful, Rick, I don't like the
guy. I don't trust him.

Oh, would you come off it? Would you for
one minute stop being a detective?

Now, we came down here to start a new
life.

Yeah, well, all right. Look at me. I'd
rather not.

I'm a full -time novelist now. I've met
a beautiful lady. Wasn't that the whole

idea?

When you're right, you're right.

Good shot.

Very nice shooting. Thank you.

Do you know the history of this weapon?

Oh, the Spencer carbine? Good Lord, yes.

I used to have one.

Somebody stole it. I almost cried.

Your President Lincoln wanted to equip
the entire Union Army with him.

Yeah. If it had his way, the war would
have been over two years earlier.

I don't seem to have your touch.

Well, she pulls a little bit to the
right, so you have to compensate.

There it goes again.

Oh,

well, this happens. Sometimes the, uh...

The hammer just gets a little worn,
loses alignment.

Usually a little adjustment will do the
trick.

Can you do that?

Well, if I can find the right kind of
metal file in this heck town, yeah.

Then keep it. It's yours.

No, Mr. Creep. Don't you offend me.

Ricky must never refuse a gift of
friendship. It diminishes an honest

which there are far too few in this
world.

How come you never ask me what I do?

Bad manners.

I'm a prospector. Would you believe
that?

Well, I used to be.

Now I own mine.

Zinc, lead, silver, and tungsten.

Easier to buy them than find them.

I know what you mean. I came down here
prospecting for gold once myself.

Panos, the man you met, is my chief
engineer.

Look, the reason I'm telling you all
this is because I'd like to make you a

business proposition.

You think you might be interested?

Interested does not describe the
rapacious secretion that drooled down

of Ricardo's cheek and lit the greedy
fire in his eyes.

He drove the way other men drilled
through concrete, hitting every rut and

pothole in this sorry...

Would you keep this thing on the road,
please?

Everybody's a critic.

Haven't you ever heard of shock
absorbers down here? What, are we

haul gasoline in this relic? Just down
to the boat, and it's a beautiful cruise

across the Gulf, and his people do the
offloading.

The only tropical breezes around here
are the smoke from this truck.

And my exotic woman is back at the
cantina writing, which is what I ought

doing.

I've heard of leaded gas.

No say to your wit for the printed page.

Give me a hand here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bonos, how's it going?

So far, so good.

They're loading now.

Any problems, you know what to do.

You know, Rick, I really enjoyed being a
detective.

Oh, for pity's sake.

You're saying that because you're not
making any progress with the novel.

Now, wait a minute. Just wait.

Heavy is one thing, but this is
ridiculous.

Well, you're just not getting your mind
into it. Come on.

Wait. No?

No.

Something heavier here than just 50
weight.

Of all the lame excuses for getting out
of work, what are you doing?

AJ, there is nothing heavier than 50
weight.

Maybe it's M -16.

I'll do divorce work anything, I swear
it.

I will never, ever, ever question the
power of prayer as long as I live. If

live. Because your new best friend is an
arms dealer and you just cover sky

high, pal.

Well, Rick, are you going to shoot me?

Or is this just your way of letting me
know that the carbine's been fixed?

If there's one thing in this world I
really don't like, it's being suckered.

Who suckered you?

Look, we made a business deal.

I agreed to pay your fee, and you agreed
to move my cargo.

Yeah, gasoline, not weapons.

You don't even own any mines. You're an
arms dealer.

Why should that upset you?

It upsets me because I got lied to and I
got shot at.

And I don't like men who make their
living off the misery of other human

The world is what it is, Rick.

Men have always fought for power and
control, and other men have always

the tools.

So far, I've only chosen to supply
ideologies backed by your own

Three cheers for the red, white, and
blue.

You don't believe me?

No.

Chester!

Explain our partnership to these
gentlemen.

Well, the weapons you discovered were
part of a shipment of freedom fighters

a country in this hemisphere.

Well, let's see. You've got your
Nicaragua, you've got your Honduras,

your El Salvador. My job is to
coordinate that operation.

Now, I work as a liaison officer for the
SIA, the Security Intelligence Agency.

Our agency is given millions of dollars
each year from confidential funds.

Now, Mr. Caritas here is just one of the
many vendors that we do business with.

Now, please, Chester, tell them about
the rest of it, about the delivery.

Well, Mr. Caritas, from the beginning,
wanted to take you into our confidence.

I'm the one who insisted on secrecy for
security reasons.

So if the Federales caught up with us,
we'd be just another couple of gringo

mules. We just never figured a boat that
looked like yours would ever be

stopped. And I really do feel terrible
about the shooting.

Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me,
it's getting a little deep in here. I'd

like some fresh air.

Rick, I truly am sorry.

And I'm certainly glad you didn't shoot
me before I got a chance to tell you

that.

Now, the question is, did you fix it?

Or were you running a bluff?

No poker with you, Captain Rick.

We've got more business for you if you
want it.

Six more drums, gasoline.

A thousand dollars for each of you.

Please consider it, Rick.

And please keep this until you decide if
we're still friends.

What are you doing?

Putting clothes in a suitcase. It's
called packing.

Oh, I see. You're quitting.

Bugging out.

Let's just say that I've taken the cure.

My midlife crisis is over.

My temperature's back down to normal.

Will you stop being so emotional? You've
got a novel to finish.

Rick, wake up.

As a writer, I stink.

As a charter captain, you're going to
starve.

Things take time. I don't like it here,
Rick.

I like what I do at home. Oh, please.

It may not come with pension plans and
second homes, but it's not boring.

And it gives me satisfaction. How many
people can say that about their lives?

Two weeks' time, you're going to be
right smack in the middle of another

divorce case.

Maybe. But at least I'll have this to
compare it to.

Allow me to speak frankly.

This suitcase has seen better days.

I can provide you with a bright new one.

Genuine leather skin at a price you
won't believe.

Now forget it, Ramon.

You sure?

Just give me a tack.

Okay.

I see.

I'm sorry. Kind of a sudden decision.

I didn't even know it under your door.

Well, I don't know exactly what to say.

Do you have time for a farewell drink?

I think I could use one.

Sure.

Well, bon voyage.

You know, it's going to be kind of
lonely here without you.

What are you talking about? I just saw
my replacement.

Oh, are you kidding?

He's my editor.

He's about as exciting as you rate your
tape.

I want you to come visit me.

Is that what you said in your note?

No, in my note I said I hope you come
visit me, but now I'm saying I want you

to.

No taxes yet?

Oh, no.

Very bad day. Very, very busy today.

Hi. Hi.

I, uh, I just didn't want you leaving
with any hard feelings. I guess I was

of line.

Forget it. I have.

Chef, I think you're making a big
mistake. I'm ready to come on up.

Somebody's in a lot of trouble. Yeah.

Uh, do you suppose he knows something we
don't?

Affirmative.

Can I ask you a question, A .J.? Yeah.
Have you ever in your entire life packed

suitcase messy?

Never. That's what I was afraid of.

Oh, boy.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah, I'm thinking you're in a lot of

trouble.

I'm thinking we're in a lot of trouble.

Go ahead and tie them What

are

you

doing here?

I'll tell you what I can But there are
certain things I can't tell you

My name isn't Jackie Powell, but that's
the only one you need to know.

I'm a field officer for the S .I .A.

Security Intelligence Agency. Boy, for a
small town, this place really generates

a lot of intelligence activity.

This is Lieutenant Hernandez of the
Mexican Federal Police.

This is the guy in the cantina.

Is he the one who set us up?

I set you up.

He does what I tell him.

And you've probably already figured out
that we're here because of Chester

Sullivan and Alex Carides.

Their arms deal.

Arms deal?

Holy cow, AJ, did you know anything
about an arms deal?

Come on, you guys were contracted to
haul cargo north of Santa Rosalia.

Oh, yeah, the gasoline. Well, Mr.
Carides hired us to deliver that to his

Lieutenant, would you be so kind?

Mr. Simon, we know what happened at the
warehouse. We have infiltrators, all

right?

Unfortunately, we lost one of them
shortly after you arrived in Mexico.

A young man named Pablo?

The kid at the dock.

The day after his 18th birthday.

Found by a farmer under a pile of rocks.

Strangled to death with a piece of wire.

So why didn't you just tell me all this
instead of going through this charade?

E .J., believe me.

What happened between us happened
because... because I liked you.

Gee, that makes me feel so much better.

For the record, I was totally against
the idea of planting illegal evidence.

Lieutenant, would you please do me the
favor of keeping your mouth shut?

Could I have my shoes back, please? Guy
feels sort of naked sitting around in

his stocking feet.

Paid eight bucks for these at a garage
sale.

Guy wanted ten, but I talked him down.

Best deal I ever made in my life. If you
don't mind, we have a lot to talk

about. About a month ago, Chester
Sullivan defected from the agency.

And he managed to smuggle over a million
dollars worth of weapons out of the

United States.

Weapons that were intended for a group
we support in Central America.

Sullivan needed a middleman, so he
linked up with Carides.

The merchandise was being flown out of
an airstrip across the Gulf.

We want you to offer to make a second
delivery.

Above all, you must get them both to
wherever it is they're hiding the

merchandise. We need to connect them
directly before we can make any kind of

meaningful arrest.

Why not just grab them at the boat? No,
with arms aboard, they'd never go near

the boat.

Well, that's just swell, guys. But how
do you expect us to convince two world

-class bastards to take us to their
stash?

Well, you call yourselves private
investigators.

Why don't we just see how good you
really are?

Roman is a monster. She has no soul. And
I'll tell you something. There is no

way in God's green earth that I'm going
to help her. That's it. Have a sniff.

That'll cost us ten years in a Mexican
prison. Hey, she planted illegal

on us, Rick, and we can prove it.

How?

That's what I thought.

Oh, hi, Rick.

So, what you say, amigo?

How are the taxis running?

Oh, I'm really sorry.

You are a skunk, Ramon.

God made me without moral fiber.

I just can't help myself.

Relax. Relax. Take it easy.

All I want from you is to work a little
trade for your sandals.

Huh? Yeah.

I've always wanted an authentic pair.
So, if you'd be willing to part with

I could give you these.

Okay? Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay.

Wake up. We've got action.

They're moving.

Damn them.

They never called.

Heading east. So is Impalme.

Where's Ternando?

Headquarters. He went back to check in.

Boy, isn't that typical.

You're two deadbeat PIs I'm worried
about. They're going to blow this thing.

Not enough.

Don't talk to me. You made your deal
with Mr. Caridis.

Well, the deal stinks, so why don't you
just hustle back to the hotel and tell

him that?

Slow down a bit.

We've got a lock on him.

I don't want to get too close.

I should have known that these two would
have pulled something like this.

Yeah, you should have.

As chummy as you got.

Hey, guys, that was really quick.

That was exactly 12 and a half minutes.

Where's your brother?

All present and accounted for, sir.

Well, well.

The carbine again.

Mr. Lincoln's favorite gun.

You don't have any new tricks, do you,
Rick?

I wouldn't bet my life on that.

Can I ask you just one question?

Shoot.

Haven't I always treated you fairly,
treated you like a friend, given you

cent you've ever asked for?

That's three questions.

With all due respect, Mr. Carides,
you're scum.

You talk about moral choices and causes,
but all you are is a death merchant

profiteering on human corpses.

I'm sick of this. Let's do it. One more
step, Buster boy, that's all it'll take.

It's another one of his damn bluffs.

What do you think, Mr. K?

Yes.

I do think it's another bluff.

Hold it!

What took you so long?

Well, you wouldn't believe it.

I couldn't get clearance.

What the hell are you doing here? Where
are Rick and AJ saying?

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep.

It's a very good trick.

They knew about the beeper.

Where are they?

Señorita, in my country we say they
split.

Oh.

Con amor.

When the double agent read Andrew's
farewell note, her eyes filled with

Never before had she loved a man with
such passion.

Never before had she felt so lost and
alone.

But this was fate.

A fate the double agent must accept.

For she knew Andrew was a man of
destiny.

Like a river running to the sea, he
could never turn back. He could only ebb

flow. Ed and Flo. Sounds like Howard
Cosell. Forget it, Rick. You wouldn't

the difference between Shakespeare and
Mickey Spillane. No, wait a minute. I

have read Mickey Spillane. As a matter
of fact, I've read a lot of Mickey

Spillane.