Original subtitles

And one.

Good. Good, Joey.

Apple.

That's right.

Apple.

Orange.

That's it. Orange.

Banana.

No, you know there's no eating before bedtime.

Pear.

Good, Joey. Very good.

Now, boy.

Girl.

Man.

Woman.

Good. Good, Joey.

All right, let's go.

Okay, Joey.

Time for sleep. Are you sleepy?

Okay, okay.

I'll read to you.

Which book?

Three Little Kittens.

Don't you ever get tired of that?

But first, we have to say good night to Dad.

Good. Good.

We've made a lot of changes. I think you'll be happy with this cut, Dr.

Go ahead, Randy.

Okay, we bring the music up here.

Sort of a majestic, scholarly thing. You know.

Lots of brass, strings.

But simple, classy.

Just enough to create a collegiate feel.

Exactly.

Now, we'll lay Lisa's voice over in here.

Joey says, thank you, America, for sending me to school. Your continued

is greatly appreciated.

Then we super the address.

Five years of intensive communication training, all reduced to this.

Bonzo goes to college.

Elaine and I think it works pretty well.

I don't see how it translates into the major research grants we need for the

project. You just don't understand public relations.

This sort of approach really has worked for us in the past, Dr. Neary. It

creates a grassroots awareness of your work.

I don't think it's ready yet.

Joey wants to say goodnight.

Well... We've put in a long...

Tomorrow. How about a drive in the

park?

Yes, yes, yes.

Lisa can come, too. We'll have a picnic

lunch. Now, give Dad a big...

I can't believe you could even think of such a thing.

It's really none of your business.

Anything that involves this program certainly is my business. You also

jeopardize everything you've worked so hard to establish here.

Listen, the public may not be so enthusiastic about you and your program

you're involved in Scam, Utah, Hurtation, and Bedlam.

And I intend to... Get away from that phone.

He's Bedlam.

And this program will continue quite well with you behind bars.

I'm calling the police right now.

I said get away from there. I will not.

Don't. Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Well, he's accepted the principal. Now we just have to work on the details.

You know... What?

You don't like our birthday present.

I didn't say that. Your birthday present holds a special place in my heart. Hey,

Jay, you're the man who's got everything.

Except the morning paper, Rick.

Marlowe and I worked on this a long time. Fetching is not an easy concept to

grasp. No, no, fetching is fine.

Now you just have to teach him to let go. I had to wrestle with him for ten

minutes to get this much.

Well, at least you didn't have to go out there, you know, with the bending over

and bringing his back. Think how much better your back's going to feel, you

know? Have you got the other half of page 12 anywhere?

Page 12.

Oh, my God.

What? Padres got six runs in the third inning last night.

Hey, great.

Well, and New York tied it up in the ninth, went into extra inning.

You seem to have made a good first impression.

Oh, it's been that way since I was a kid. I guess animals just sense I'm

friend. Yeah, me too.

Being animals. Hi, I'm Rick Simon.

Hello. This is Marlo, and that's my brother... AJ.

Yeah, that's him.

Would you like some coffee, Miss... Cambiel. Lisa Cambiel. Come on in. Thank

you.

I'm sorry to bother you so early. It's just that there isn't much time. A

of mine has been accused of murder.

They've got him caged.

You mean they're holding him without bail?

I don't mean he's in jail, Mr. Simon.

I mean they've got him locked up in a cage.

Come

here,

Joey.

He's never been in a cage before.

He's never even spent a night away from Dr. Neary or me.

Does he have a history of violent behavior?

Oh, no.

Joey wouldn't hurt a fly.

He loved Dr. Neary.

He even called him Dad.

He called him Dad?

Joey's not an ordinary chimp.

He knows about 150 words of sign language.

Dr. Neary raised him from birth.

Well, if he's innocent, why don't you just ask him if he saw who did it? I

But he's so traumatized by all this.

In this environment.

Are you saying that if we could get through to him, he could tell us who the

killer was?

What's he saying now?

It's your hat.

Huh? Your hat. He wants your hat.

Dr. Neary gave him one.

One.

He played with it for days. Will you let him see?

Doesn't look like the killer type to me.

My brother establishes an instant rapport with some of our clients.

What did he do with the hat Dr. Neri gave him?

He chewed it up.

Unless I can convince the police that Joey wasn't responsible, they're going

put him to sleep tomorrow night.

What's he saying now?

Me, Dad, go home.

Dr. Neary was the most patient, sensitive, caring man I've ever met.

He worked wonders with Joey.

We teach Joey by means of the

molding technique.

You see, Dr.

Neary shapes his hands on the proper configuration for the new thine.

Has anything been moved since the police were here?

I don't know.

Home. It's an auditory language keyboard. A computer link -up with a

synthesizer. It allows Joey to vocalize his thoughts.

Life of ink.

Unfortunately, we only have 25 words.

Does the room usually look like this, you know, messy, or did this happen

the... It's just so hard to get Joey to pick up after himself.

Yeah, I have the same problem with my chump.

Chimp.

Uh, how come Joey put the alligator up there?

Oh, I put it there. Joey's terrified of alligators.

So when there's something in the lab we don't want him to touch, like those

records, I put the gator there. Joey won't go near it.

Lisa?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in a meeting.

That's okay. Paul Dreyer, this is Rick and A .J. Simon.

I'm A .J. Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Paul is Joey's official owner. Rick and A .J. are private detectives. They're

trying to help me prove Joey's innocence.

I suppose you do have to try, however remote the chances.

Do you have any idea who else might be responsible?

Who else?

No, I don't.

Is there anything I can do?

You could try and stop the execution.

I can't do that, Lisa.

I'll get another ape, and you can continue with Neri's work.

As difficult as it may seem, the truth is hard to accept.

I can't take a chance this will happen again.

I'm sorry.

I've accused you guys of scraping the bottom of the barrel for clients before.

But the bottom of the monkey barrel?

Keep it up, town.

Father complained for intent to commit bad comedy.

Doesn't it bother you that Joey's going to be put to sleep?

Yeah, it bothers me. But it's out of my hand. Officially, the cause of death is

accidental death by animal attack.

Now, wait a minute.

It says here that Dr. Neary sustained a gash to his left temple.

And Joe?

Joe is what?

Two, maybe two and a half feet tall? Are you saying he jumped straight up in the

air and quacked, stopped near him?

If you read on, it says he probably stood on top of a table.

Without knocking anything on the table off onto the floor.

Neat monkey. Yeah.

Guys, the chimp's fingerprints were all over the murder weapon.

Tom, if I were an ape and I... I rest my case.

If I were an ape and I wanted to kill somebody, I wouldn't need a weapon. I'd

just attack.

Lisa said the same thing, Tom.

I don't know what else I can do, unless we come up with more evidence.

Wait a minute, Holt.

Didn't you say that Neary had a gash on his left temple?

Yeah, left temple.

Right hand.

All right, now watch.

Look at it again.

See? Good.

I can show you some more, but he is consistently left -handed.

How do we know an ape can't be ambidextrous under pressure?

We don't.

We don't care if they strangle each other with banana peels. We're just

for something that'll give us a stay of execution.

Look, I'll talk to the deputy DA, but you know that little bulldog.

Come on, town, with you in our corner, there's no way that little bulldog will

ever turn us down.

I can't believe the little bulldog turned us down.

Bet that guy never went to the circus when he was a kid.

Well, it's got to become sort of an appeal process so we can go over his

There is nothing over his head.

Nothing in his head.

You got it?

No. I'm going to get a lawyer that's due process of law. Just sit down. Sit,

sit, sit. We have already tried this your way one time with all the suits and

the ties and the proper channels. It's time to bend a few rules. Bend?

Break. Okay.

Hi, you got an elephant out here.

A what?

My name is Steiner.

I drive a rig for Tex -Mex all, and I just pretty near got wiped out by an

elephant on the 805.

I haven't heard anything about an elephant.

Well, you sure got an elephant out there. You got maybe a circus in town,

anything like that?

You saw the thing?

Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. I was just easing on up on the northbound lane, and

sucker, he's going the wrong way. He said south on that northbound lane,

near flattening my rig out.

Geez, you probably got loose from some wild animal park.

Yes, sir. I reckon he did. He's headed for the Kearney Mace, the off -ramp, you

know, right there.

Charlie's not back. Just tell him to round up anybody he can find. I'll meet

up there. Yes, sir. I'd be glad to.

You'll be able to recognize him because it's one of them Asian elephants with

the small ears, you know.

Okay.

Come on, Tom. We're going to let you out of here.

Wrong egg.

Right egg.

Oh, good. Here, hold this.

Hey, Joey.

How you doing?

Give me a little light here.

How you doing?

That's all right. Yeah. A little light here.

Okay, Joey.

Here you go. Take this.

Come on, Joey. We're going to take you back to Lita. Come on. Come up here.

Come up here.

Come on. Okay.

You all better wait here.

Yeah, you talk to Mom first.

Prepare for this. I know how to handle Mom.

Just make sure that Mrs. McDermott doesn't see Joey. Make sure nobody sees

Talk about your instant friendships.

I forgot my keys. Sorry, Mom.

Did I wake you?

No, I was making fudge.

I always make fudge at dawn.

Mom. You'll never guess what Rick has done this time. I heard that.

It's real easy to explain, Mom. We just want you to take care of a client.

Fine. See, town knows we busted the guy out, so... Yeah, and the first place

they'll look is our house. Yeah, so it's, uh, uh, Jim Pansy. That talks.

Mom, me, Joey.

Mom. Hello, Joey.

Did you find A .J. and Rick in the phone book?

Or were they recommended by a friend?

That controversial chimpanzee recently accused of killing its master is missing

from the animal control facility this morning. A police search is underway.

The ape, which answers to the name of Joey, was apparently chimp -napped

following an unconfirmed report of an elephant getting loose on Highway 805.

Channel 3 presents a series of helpful hints in dealing with the killer ape,

should you see it.

careful in fruit markets and around food disposal bins behind grocery stores and

restaurants. Now turning to international news, another earthquake

rocketed... Oh, geez, what did I get into last night?

Oh, I see Joy has already picked up some of your table manners.

to us again dad and green man play chase go sleep he's saying that

stefan played a game of chase before he died with another man a

green man well what is this chase game i mean maybe he means they were fighting

green man must be green clothes joy possibly tell us what the man looked

joy what green

alligator man.

I thought you said he was afraid of alligators. This whole thing has

him so much that that's the association he's made. I wonder if Joey could tell

us what they've thought about.

Joey, what dad and alligator man say?

He's saying the game of chase had something to do with cheetah and

Cheetah and a buzzard.

Let's see now. Cheetah, buzzard, alligator man, green.

And right -handed.

We got this one nailed down.

Green.

Stephen was going to see a man named Greenfield who's an animal activist and

always been protesting Project Joy from the beginning.

Lisa, how do you say thanks?

Thanks, Joy.

Joy, thanks.

Yeah, joy, that's right. Give me five.

All right.

Bye -bye, Mom.

Bye. Listen, when you go to work, just leave him up in our old room. There's a

lot of toys up there to keep him dizzy.

I can't guarantee he won't make a mess.

Don't worry. It couldn't possibly be any worse when we live there.

That's funny.

What is he saying, something?

It's a gesture you sometimes see in the wild. Roughly translated, it would be,

be careful.

Thanks pal.

the protest spread the word project joey ended in tragedy thank you got a refill

yeah about time i'm almost at a leaflet where's your crew crew

aren't you from the tv station uh no sir no we're not oh yeah print media is not

as visceral as tv but uh looks like i'll have to settle for whatever publicity i

can generate go ahead ask your questions

If God had meant for man to talk to dolphins and apes, he would have given

blowholes and the ability to beat our chests in communication.

We should be learning from the animal kingdom, not teaching them to be like

I ask you, whatever became of J. Fred Muggs?

Good question.

He must have had some pretty serious arguments with Dr. Neary.

I never got the chance to talk to the late doctor.

You didn't go to his lab the night he was killed?

No. I was busy doing a mass mailing.

Anybody with you?

No. What kind of interview questions are these?

Same kind of police that.

See you in the daily news.

Whatever did happen to J. Fred Muggs?

I hope your release didn't have anything to do with kidnapping Joey.

Well, as a matter of fact, I kind of figured you'd be the one with the most

gain. You know, all that free publicity.

Believe me, I'd rather retreat into obscurity.

But I've gotten several calls from TV stations wanting to rent gorillas for

public awareness spots.

Yeah. Ha!

Man -eater at large, huh?

Exactly. You dropped by the lab the day the doctrinaire was killed, didn't you?

We were just wondering what that was about.

He was working on his annual statement, and I had some facts and figures for

him.

What time did you meet with him?

Actually, he was too busy to see me.

Didn't you say yesterday that you went back later on that evening?

No, I didn't have to. I gave the papers to Lisa.

Yeah, I think she mentioned you were wearing one of those green safari

there. Yes, we were doing a commercial shoot with some tigers for a car

dealership in Del Mar.

Why do you ask?

I was just wondering, do you have those tailor -made?

No, you can pick one up at any Armory Navy store.

Check that out. It's a good -looking outfit.

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

We spent 17 months on a sweltering bush belt documenting the migratory habits of

the South African Cape buffalo.

Before that, we were a year and a half on a PBS special about insects.

No more Sunday picnics for me.

I don't think Project Joey must have been a paid vacation after all that.

Dr. Neary wasn't an easy man to work for.

I understand you didn't get along too well with Joey.

Didn't he tear a shirt of yours?

My shirt? A green shirt?

I just washed that shirt yesterday.

Sorry, it must have been somebody else.

I got along with the little fellow.

Frankly, even though this is a public relations nightmare, I hope she gets

with it. She?

Office pool says Lisa's odds on favor for saving the chimp.

Thank you both.

Appreciate it.

Oh, by the way, Randy, did you ever fix that problem with the promo that Dr.

Neary wasn't happy with?

Never did.

Did you take it back short on that night?

No, we just went home.

I was exhausted.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Well, come on in, town. Make yourself at home.

Somebody ought to take a cop on you guys for breaking and entering.

Not breaking, just entering. Ah.

You're no doubt aware that somebody did break out a certain chimpanzee from his

cage last night. We heard about that. You know, whoever did that ought to get

medal. Ah, yeah. Well, that's open to interpretation.

And you can guess how my superiors are interpreting it.

Now, this is just a friendly visit, guys.

I mean, whoever these humanitarian animal lovers are, I hate to see them

caught holding the bag.

Yeah, the one filled with bananas?

Timing. Don't quit your day job, Nixon.

Hi, Marlo.

How you doing?

Let's go get Joey. Come on.

Okay, you two play.

I'll go get some food, okay?

Okay. What'd you do with Marlowe?

Huh?

What happened to your friend Marlowe?

What'd you do with him, huh?

What are you guys doing? Where is he?

Oh, Joey, did you do it?

Hello? I need an ambulance.

How could I have been so stupid as let myself let you get away with harboring

that ape? Listen, Town. No, no, you listen.

We've got a murder. We've got a critical assault. We've got a city that's

drawing every trigger happy hunting estate on some crazed 12 -year -old

Joey did not kill Neary, and there is no way that he attacked Lisa.

Whether Joey is guilty or not is not the point anymore, Rick.

The important thing is that we get him off the streets pronto.

Look, between my superiors, between the press, between the public, I gotta do

some real fancy footwork to keep all our necks off the topping block.

Hello.

Hi.

Lisa's gonna be okay.

She's gonna spend the night here, though. It's a minor concussion, but

the little rest won't fix.

Hey, is town there?

Here, put him on, will you?

Detective Brown.

Hi. Listen, when I was attacked last night, it was from behind. Joey was

in front of me.

No, I didn't see his face, but he was carrying a net.

Okay.

Okay, thanks. I will.

Thanks.

Hi.

Yeah. Look, let me call you back. She's pretty tired. She needs to sleep.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Don't worry.

We'll find Joey. He can't have gone too far.

He's like my own baby.

Joey!

Joey!

Joey!

Joey!

Joey! I told you everybody was a little too quick to convict the little guy,

didn't I? Well, I wouldn't break out the banana batteries yet.

Look, Lisa could have been attacked by some overzealous bounty hunter who

happened to see Joy through the window.

Or a killer who knew Joy could identify him.

Poor little guy's probably hungry by now.

Scared out of his grief.

One more town. That's all it's going to take is just one more. Don't worry,

everything will be just fine. Fine!

Ah!

No free bouquets for you today, Rick Simon.

Hi, Mrs. McDermott.

I should think a man your age would be able to afford to buy his own flowers.

Yeah. Well, don't let me catch you at it again.

Oh, no, ma 'am. I remember what you did to my baseballs.

Thank you.

I think we found him.

Did she say anything about last night? About who attacked her? We know what

attacked her, Randy.

Well, I don't think she's going to be making any statements anytime soon.

We might as well just go home.

All right.

Okay. Good night. Thank you.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Sure.

Tim is a killer ape.

I should have known Rick would be involved in this.

Is there a reward?

Well, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one, ma 'am.

In the meantime, we would appreciate it if you would keep this quiet.

You see, this animal happens to be under the protection of the Federal

Anthropoid Witness Relocation Program.

You can count on me, Lieutenant.

Thank you.

Any luck?

Well, no, not really.

He's either getting very tired or he wants to cash a traveler's check.

Hey, Rick. Yeah. Hi, Tom.

I think we got our alligator man. What's the plan for Booth?

Uh...

Well, just ask him if the guy he saw was wearing a pair of alligator boots,

because Paul Dreyer had some on at the hospital.

Boot.

Here. Joy.

Joy.

Wait a minute. Pay attention now.

Joy.

Alligator. Boot.

All right, looks like a big yes on that one, huh?

All right. Right.

Now, all I have to do is put Dreyer in a lineup, have the eight pick him out.

I wonder how his testimony will hold up in court.

Sounds got a point.

If we want a nail dryer, we're going to need more than just that. Say, motive,

for instance.

Yeah, well, we got a lot more clues.

Green, a dryer we seen wearing a green safari outfit yesterday.

Right -handed.

Yeah, at least it's with cheetah and buzzard.

Joey keeps saying he wants to go home. Maybe we would have better luck at the

lab. Hold on, guys.

Look, I've got to take this ape in. I've already spent too much time on this.

Come on, town. We're making some real progress here. Just give it until

morning, all right?

All right.

But tomorrow, when Temple goes on the air, she's either going to say we've

captured this ape or the killer.

Town?

Does this sad, furry little face really look like it belongs to a homicidal

maniac? Nah.

And neither does the apes.

Joy, is this what happened?

Hey, alligator man chased dad. Is that what happened?

All right, all right.

Back to the hard part.

Cheetah, here we go.

Cheetah and buzzard.

If these two words are so distinct, maybe...

Dreyer yelled him at Neary. Yeah, but I doubt they were talking about animals

just before the murder.

Well, then, presumably, they sound like other words and words that are not in

Joey's vocabulary.

Cheetah, cheetah.

Put a little Brooklyn top spin on that, you got cheater.

Cheater.

Joey, did Dad call the man a cheater?

Bingo. Well, let's see, what would go with cheater?

Thief? Robber?

It's got to sound like buzzard.

Burglar. Doesn't sound like buzzard.

Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard.

Buzzard. Buzzard.

Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard.

Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard.

Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard. Buzzard.

Buzzard.

Buzzard.

That's terrific, Joyce. Just what we needed.

Now all we have to do is prove it.

Hello,

love. Hello, hello, hello.

Uh, Mr. Dreyer never told me he was expecting any delivery.

Well, listen, love, in the past 42 hours, we have witnessed these beasties

across three continents.

Don't forget Australia.

Four continents.

At any rate, we are in no mood to wait for Paul to get back from some shoot

a used car king, just so as you can get permission to have us find a bunch of

forms in triplicate. Your boss missed a safari of his bloomin' life.

We were out on a bloomin' veld, cut off from the jeep, and a rhino charged us.

I'd bring him down one shot, my .458 right between the horns.

A rhinoceros only has one horn.

There was two of them charging side by side.

Brought him down with one shot, he did.

Uh -huh.

Well, I'm sure Mr. Dreyer will be back shortly.

Okay.

Oh, my, my, my.

Just don't panic, don't panic. There we are.

Now, love, don't panic. Just don't panic. Keep your feet up off the floor.

very rarely fall off your legs. There you go. On for the ride.

Now, we've caught them once. We can catch them again. Take a little while,

We'll clean it all up and make it just as good as new.

Yep. Project Joey.

Rick? Yeah?

Uh, there's a snake in here.

Okay, I'll be with you in a minute.

Rick? What?

It doesn't look like the ones we brought.

I said I'd be right with you. I got a few in here, you know.

It's got little diamonds on it.

little rattles you're on your own guys

diamonds huh diamonds i hate the ones with diamonds

all right Big deal. One

diamond back in a whole bunch. Even Carlos was entitled to a mistake every

in a while. Once in a while? This is the same Carlos Escobar who was declared

persona non grata from the... That had nothing to do with reptiles. Carlos is

generally very reliable with reptiles.

Time's up, guys.

Yep, except for dryer.

All right, here's what we got.

Dreyer has been using research funds to purchase equipment. There's nothing

wrong with that. That's perfectly normal.

Yeah, except the bills don't match up with the requisition forms he's showing

the donors. He is buying cheap equipment and showing expensive purchases and

pocketing the difference.

Okay, a cheater and an embezzler. Right. But not a killer, not yet.

When it comes to accusing Dreyer of murdering Stefan Neri, we've still got

one thing going for us.

The word of an ape.

You know what we need?

We need stretch Mooney

Freeze, turkey. Drop it.

Don't you understand English? I said drop it.

Hold it right there.

Put the hands over your head.

Let's go and stretch.

It's 80 degrees in the shade.

I'm in an ape costume, and your air conditioner's on the blink. This is

and beyond the call of duty, guys.

It's okay, Joy. It's okay. It's all over.

Pity we can't just put the two of them in a room. Let jungle justice take its

course. Come on, let's go.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used.

Joey?

Joey?

Joey?

Look.

Dad is gone.

Joey? Lisa is here.

AJ is here.

And I am here.

And we all love you.

Leta will take you home now.

Give me a hug.

Give me a hug.

Can you give me a hug?

Can you give me a hug?

Oh, kisses are good, too. Come on, let's go.

There she is. There she is.

What's he saying? Probably that if we'd been smart enough to figure out what he

was saying before this, we'd have solved this case a lot sooner.

Actually, he's saying, Rick, that he loves you.

And he wants to say goodbye.

What's in the box?

Oh, that's a little memento for Joey.

Oh,

what's in here?

What is in there?