All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s03e23 The Disappearance of Harry The Hat

While you've got your eyes on those
sunglasses, the chick in the bikini's

her eyes on you.

Ooh, what a pleasant thought.

Oh, no.

Don't let Gleeson get away!

You lost Harry Gleeson. I want you to
find him again.

Are you aware that Harry is wanted by
the NBI for treason?

Yes. That's part of the plan.

All right, hold it right there. Harry,
don't be stupid. Get up. Now.

Wake me up.

Wake

me

up. Hear me! I'm sorry, really. I was
just trying to be conscious to make sure

she wasn't still following.

You said someone was following you?

I think she found me. I think she did.

That was her.

Melinda?

Take it you had a pretty rocky divorce.

It's all pretty complicated, really.

You see, Melinda's not well.

Obviously.

Well, she's a perfectly wonderful woman
in practically every way. You just have

to get to know her. You don't
understand.

She under psychiatric care.

All I'm saying, A .J., is there are
times when I wouldn't mind disappearing

myself. You know, just bail out. Start
all over again.

Break the clutches of the middle class
with all its clinging records and rules

and regulations.

You behind your bookie again?

Look, I don't disagree in principle,

but all I'm... So Harry asked you to
just drop by to make sure

I'm doing okay, huh? Uh -huh.

It was nice of him.

How is Harry? I haven't seen him for a
while.

He's noticed you several times recently.

Don't tell me he told you that song and
dance that I'm out to get him?

That man flatters himself that he's oh
so important in my

life. Well, he's not.

No man ever has been or ever will be.

Understand?

I... I guess that's clear enough, yeah.

Wait, actually, I do want you to tell
Harry where I was last night if he's so

interested. I had a gentleman call her.

We're in for a lovely romantic dinner in
a restaurant by the bay.

Champagne, dancing, and then... And then

we'll... I'll just leave that.

To your imagination.

Oh, thanks for dropping by.

If...

AJ,

the hair on the back of your neck
standing up.

It was going completely out of her mind.

Out, but not in orbit.

She knew we were interested. in last
night. We never mentioned it.

Hi.

I'm looking for the manager.

Married or single?

I'm single.

Well, I am Miss Dawkins.

Kids in the neighborhood always...

around with my son.

I do have a lovely studio apartment.

Furnished. Perfect for you.

Actually, I'm not looking to rent.

My company is doing a background check
on one of your tenants, Mr. Gleason.

He's looking very good for him. I think
he's going to get that sailboat he

wants. I'm sure he's told you all about
it.

No, he hasn't. He didn't? No.

A sailboat.

Could we go in and talk for a moment?

Certainly. Right this way, please. Miss
Dawkins?

Yes.

Miss Dawkins.

And what did you say your name was?

Do you realize how boring downtown
Brown's life would be without us?

I mean, look at this. We've got a break
-in at a donut shop, a hijacked shipment

of goldfish, and a public disturbance at
a place called...

Rent -a -dunge? My chair.

What is it, Tom? You find something in
Harry's file?

Something serious, huh?

You know, I can understand that you guys
have to take it with some pretty

unsavory characters.

And I don't shake up easy now, do I,
guys?

Did I say anything when you guys were
considering taking on Hacksaw Jack as a

client? Or Gregory the Mad Hypnotist?

No.

But this, this one's got me worried.

Nothing.

Nothing? Empty.

Nothing.

Harry Gleeson is clean, untouched. Wrap
sheet wise, the man's a virgin.

As I'm sure you're aware, Mr. Corman,
the Society of Conservative Accountants

extremely particular in regard to its
new members.

Well, I'm quite sure all that is
correct.

You see, although I take an interest in
Gleeson, I don't deal with him on a day

-to -day basis.

However, I do know that he's tendered
his resignation.

Resignation?

Are you sure?

Oh, yes, I'm sure. A week or so ago, I
think his last day is Friday.

Personal problems, I gather.

Not a problem with corporate ideology, I
hope.

Oh, no, no, no. There's never any
question of Gleeson's loyalty.

No, I think it's something in his
family.

Excuse me a minute.

Corman, did I ever remember to... Is
there anything else?

This is a trifle delicate.

Is there anything about Mr. Gleeson to
suggest that he warrants a security

check? Oh, no, no, it's a matter of
routine.

Security checks are a way of life around
here. Most of our work is classified.

Well, you've been very helpful indeed.

Thank you.

Oh, um, I hope that Gleeson's leaving
isn't going to dim his chances of

into your society.

He's always done excellent work.

Our members are required to demonstrate
exceptional personal stability.

Gleeson is leaving a perfectly good job
after only seven years.

Need I say more?

Let's see if this sounds right.

Casper Milk Toast. A few vices, a few
virtues, no skeletons in the closet.

Closest relative, uh...

Third cousin living in Beloit,
Wisconsin.

No debt, no police record, no reason for
anyone to miss him if he should fall

off the face of the earth.

That's me.

Come on, Harry, don't get cute.

What about Audrey?

How'd you find out about her? It's all
here, Harry. About in the whole world. I

was hoping it's like... No, Harry.

You cannot keep her.

I've had her since she was a kitten.

I was hoping I could...

could leave her at the cat motel and
then send for her once everything got

settled. Harry, we can make you
disappear, but only if you do it exactly

we tell you to.

We have to totally erase the man who was
Harry Gleeson so you can start over

again fresh.

The slightest thread left dangling from
this life, Melinda, will just have a

couple of guys like us find you in a
matter of weeks.

We will take you right up to, but not
over, the legal limit. No.

We can make you disappear.

We can't get you a new ID.

No, but you can do that for yourself.
See, there are a lot of ways you can go

about it. Probably the easiest way for
you is to get the birth certificate of

somebody who died as a child, somebody
about your own age, you know? And from

there, you can build a new ID. You get a
driver's license, social security card.

It's real easy.

I guess I can find a new home for
Audrey.

The rest doesn't seem so difficult.

Students, roll out.

Rise and shine, Mr. Smith.

That's your name from now on.

This is the Elements of Disappearance
101.

This morning we're covering three
sections. One, eliminating the paper

Two, physical appearance. Three,
settling into alias. Are you ready,

Shoot. There is no Harry here, Mr.
Smith.

You must get rid of it. Pay for
everything with cash.

Cut off any phone service, newspaper
delivery, bottled water, whatever.

Close your checking account and your
savings account. Pay off all your loans.

How about my mail? Harry Gleeson is
undeliverable because Harry Gleeson

exist, right?

Right, Harry?

Yeah.

Who's Harry?

There we go. Good man.

Nah, no more name tags sewn in.

Hats. They always seem to be wearing
hats.

Yeah, it's sort of my trademark.

Well, Linda always said I only wore one
because I don't have a real personality

of my own.

Who knows? Maybe she's right.

No, she's wrong.

And furthermore, we're going to prove it
to you. From now on, no more happens.

So what do you do for a living, John?

I'm an accountant.

How exciting.

What's your sign?

I thought so. I'm a Libra.

Our signs are very romantically aligned.

Are you from around here?

Well, no.

Not originally.

Yet now, yes.

I grew up in Bakersfield and went to
school in Sacramento.

No, no, no, no. You grew up in
Sacramento. You went to school in

Oh, darn.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little nervous here. I've never
tried to pick up a girl in a bar in my

life. Not even on tape. That's all
right. I know exactly how you feel. You

Yeah, look, it's all right to be
nervous. I mean, that's the whole point

stress simulation. But you have got to
concentrate. You've got to keep your

back straight. Now, let's try it again.
All right, AJ, you be the girl.

And let's get a move on. Bubbles has got
to have this back 20 minutes of

showtime. Bubbles?

Bubbles.

Well, Mr. Smith, your resume is quite
impressive, as are your letters of

reference. Thank you.

Of course, we generally make it a
practice to contact the last employer

telephone just for verification. I'm
sure you don't have any objection.

Well, in theory, no.

However, in this case, it might be a
little difficult.

You see, my company moved their
headquarters to London.

They are... To Mr.

Smith.

I think you'll do very nicely.

Yeah. There we go.

Say goodbye.

Goodbye, Audrey.

And don't give Rick and A .J. any
trouble.

You know, one of the kids in the
terrible, too, is probably going to want

But don't worry about it. We'll hold out
for a nice little old lady.

Good.

Well, thanks, guys. You've both been
great.

You take care.

And don't keep in touch.

Harry?

Harry Gleeson?

for her quick before Marlowe makes a
dinner out of her.

Don't worry, he was only joking.

I'll let Marlowe near you.

Mr. Corman?

It's me.

Mr.

Corman, it's me, Harry Gleeson.

Oh, you probably won't recognize me. I'm
wearing the disguise.

It worked.

I disappeared.

We did it.

Harry?

I did it. I pulled it off. How, won't
they, Mr. Corman?

We've always taken you very seriously,
Harry.

Where are they?

I mean, the top executives. They were
supposed to take the files.

I mean, why didn't they show up?

Freeze, Gleason! You're under arrest for
suspicion of theft of national defense

secret.

Hey!

Oh, no!

Rise and shine. We got company.

Lomax, National Bureau of Intelligence.

So what's the deal?

You lost Terry Gleeson.

I want you to find him again.

Right now.

Oh.

See the front legs on this chair?

About an inch shorter than the back
legs.

Pills you forward.

Tires you out. It's an old trick.

Good.

Yeah, glad we skipped it.

How's your memory? I forget.

Let's see, this Harry Gleeson that you
keep talking about, is he any relation

Jackie? Oh, Sam Spade.

So you're a comedian.

You notice I'm not laughing.

Now listen, I'm in no mood to tap dance
with you two.

We've been looking for this man for a
week. And now one of my best agents, a

I have liked and worked with for 20
years.

was gunned down in an alley this morning
by Gleeson.

You must be mistaken. The Harry Gleeson
we know couldn't tell one end of a gun

from another.

I don't know.

Harry Gleeson, 42, myopic, brown hair, 5
'10", wears stupid hats.

Ex -wife, Melinda. Until recently,
employed by the Wright -Stillman

Boss? Yeah.

It's been my experience. Most enemy
agents have one.

We are not agents in Harry Gleeson. The
man is an accountant. Now, why would he

want to shoot your guy?

Probably because he stole a fair amount
of national defense secrets from the

Wright -Silman Corporation.

You see, my guy was trying to stop him
from selling him to the other side.

Now, once again, unless the idea of 10
to 20 for accessory to murder and

appeals to you, where's Gleeson?

Well, we don't really know where he is.
We only met him, what?

A week or so. Last week sometime?

What happened was he called us last week
sometime.

This guy has got the craziest wife you'd
ever want to meet.

I mean, this woman is loonier than a
Junebug. She really is.

his fingers he doesn't fool around does
he i don't even want to imagine what

would happen if he flexed his muscles we
weren't wrong

harry has been framed or he's been set
up or it's a mistake or

something but there's no way the guy's a
killer fine kitty kitty great stay on

her

I've got two teams on Gleeson's wife. We
can deal with her any time we want. The

feds have just finished their sweep
through our files. They're convinced

got away with some pretty sensitive
material.

Good. Good.

Then we're almost home free, except for
Harry.

He's the only one that knows that we
have the real documents.

Damn, I don't know how he got out of
that alley alive.

Oh.

All right.

Who's going to believe I'm right?

And we can make them even hotter.

What about those two private detectives?

I'm not worried about them.

I know Lomax.

By now, he's probably put the fear of
Uncle Sam's wrath into both of them.

He's probably told them in no uncertain
terms to stay out of it.

They won't come up for air till next
month.

I just wish we could move the meeting
place somewhere else.

There's no way to reach the Russians.

Now, they made it clear to me there
could be no further communication.

I know it.

But Gleeson wrote that whole scenario.

He knows exactly where we're going. He's
a frightened little man on the run from

every cop in the country.

He can't tell anyone.

And if he does show up, we'll take care
of him there.

Believe me, Harry Gleeson's no problem.

boys. You want wheels? You need them.

Hey, Bird Dog.

Your friends over there, they want
wheels, too?

Eh, they're not very good, are they?

Wrong.

They're so good they can afford to be
bad.

Why, you got your eyes on those
sunglasses.

The chick in the bikini's got her eyes
on you.

Oh, what a pleasant thought.

And the guy with the metal detector?

Uh -huh. Been on your office since six.

He took over from the three Chicanos
with guitars that sat out here all

I hope they were cuter. You are good,
bird dog. You haven't lost a touch.

What do the jungle drums say?

They say get out of the jungle.

You boys stepped on some pretty sore
toes.

I'd like to meet this Harry Gleeson, but
I might not get the chance, as I hear

it. That's been thoroughly explained to
us, too. This whole deal is hinky.

We know Gleeson's no killer, but we
can't find him to help him, because when

find him, they find him.

If you hear anything... Thanks.

Why don't you take a turn around the
boardwalk?

Get your mind off your troubles.

Boys, thought you ought to know your
phones are tapped.

Great. This guy disappeared himself
pretty smooth, but then he don't know

bird dog's back on the scent.

Oh, one thing I did dig up. Gleason
bought and registered a 78

compact silver with red and white
pinstripes about three weeks ago.

License number...

Z -T -Q -7 -6 -9.

Why would Harry do that if he was
planning on leaving?

Why would Harry do any of the things
he's been doing? Sure enough.

Hi.

Mr. Simon, I have to talk to you.

I don't know where else to turn.

My Harry's missing.

Play a little music. Oh, let him listen.
All of a sudden it's my Harry?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I realize you both think I'm a lunatic.
No.

I don't really know what I'm doing here
or why I should expect... Just calm

down, take a deep breath, and tell us
what's going on.

All right.

You have to understand something about
Harry.

He's one of the left, also assuming that
you already know that he really wasn't

an accountant out at Wright -Stillman.

No, we didn't know that.

Or was he some kind of mad scientist?

No.

Actually, he's a systems analyst.

He specializes in worst -case scenarios.

In what?

Well, he takes sensitive data collected
from all over the globe and uses it to

mount computer -generated scenarios
predicting potential trouble spots for U

interests.

Harry's a spook. Anyway, a few weeks
ago, Harry discovered the potential for

massive security leak, but nobody would
do anything about it. When you say

nobody, who are you talking about?

Plant security.

Harry got so frustrated, he barged into
the office of his section chief, Mr.

Corman. He saw immediately that Harry
was right, but there was nothing he

do about it either through normal
channels.

Somehow I get the feeling this is where
we came in.

Almost. Corman and Harry concocted an
elaborate scenario.

Harry acted just like the agent, stole
the documents, and then he disappeared

the way you taught him.

Yeah, we know about that, but what are
you saying here? I mean, all this is a

sham?

Well, the material Harry took was
classified, but it was worthlessly

He was only going to use it to make his
point.

Corman was to alert security that top
-secret data had been taken, and then a

week later, Harry was to show up at a
rendezvous with red -faced top

who would finally take him seriously.

Mm -hmm.

And you helped. You faked a psychosis
and led us down the garden path.

He believed in it.

And he made me believe in it.

But you see, now something is really
wrong.

Harry called me right after the
rendezvous and he was all worked up.

He told me to go directly to this motel
we both know and hide there until he got

back in touch with me.

Talk to no one.

But I haven't heard from him since.

Melinda.

Are you aware that Harry is wanted by
the NBI for treason?

Yes. That's part of the plan.

Corman is going to explain it.

Well, he hasn't so far.

And that wouldn't explain the murder
anyway.

Your Harry is on the books for the
murder of an NBI agent yesterday.

Excuse us for just a moment, please.

You see this?

Harry's car, right?

You got it.

His wife drove it here.

Are you okay, Nick?

out, especially your local lieutenants.

From what I hear, there's a bit of a
jurisdictional dispute on this one.

Now you've got a cat fight on your
hands.

Not on my hands when it comes to Harry
Gleeson and Wright Stillman and the NBI.

Hey, I'm just a grateful taxpayer like
you guys.

All right, I'll tell you what, grateful
taxpayer.

We'll buy you a cup of coffee. You tell
us about the bomb.

It was intended for her, right?

All right, bird doctors got unlucky?

That's what they think.

Pound of plastic in the back seat. They
figured the detonator was a mercury

rocket switch.

Pretty sophisticated device.

No, it's not. It's a pretty stupid
device.

It killed the wrong person, didn't it?

Why don't somebody use something like
that, Tal? I mean, if you wanted to get

the driver, why not rig it to the
ignition switch?

Because in order to do that, you've got
to take time to fool around under the

hood. This thing can just drop in the
back seat.

The driver gets in, the car rocks, a
ghost is born.

Except Bird Dog got there first.

He shouldn't have gone that way.

Who should?

Whoever did this.

I'll agree with you there, but you've
got to quit trying to blame this one on

the suits.

Well, you've got to pin it on somebody,
Town, and it's not Harry.

Harry's just an all -American boy. He
smelled something wrong with his

tried to do something about it, and they
set him up for the kill.

Uh -huh. Who did?

For work.

Feeling better?

Yes, thank you, Lieutenant.

I'm over the shakes, at least.

But we still have to find Harry.

How do you take it?

I'll pass him.

Those guys would like to make you pay
for the Bill of Rights.

Thanks, town. Thank you.

Look what town found in the wreck.

Is it yours?

No, Harry's.

I guess he lost it in the car.

He has a couple of them. One on a
necklace, too.

Harry's a diabetic?

Yeah.

Didn't you know that?

No. And we checked him every which way
for something illegal.

We never thought he'd lie about his
health.

And we had him cancel his health
insurance until his doctor was going

How often does he need insulin?

Every day, by injection.

Then he has to have a doctor in his
pocket. He couldn't cut himself off

completely. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey. Phone's tapped, remember?

I'm sorry.

Look at that.

Hi, Alan.

This is Melinda.

Do me a favor and check last month's
billing on a Harry Gleeson.

That's right.

My husband.

Five or six miles.

Yeah,

it was a school bus, all right.

We'd like to see Dr. Wittauer. I'm sorry
he's not here. He's in surgery all

afternoon. He'll come back to the office
tomorrow. You could just check Harry's

file for us. Oh, I couldn't do that. Not
without the doctor's permission.

I don't know what we're going to do.

Oh, no.

How are we going to find Harry? This is
very upsetting. Just don't let it start.

Don't let what start?

How about the paramedics? What good do
you think they're gonna do? I don't

Castor oil. A big dose of castor oil.
That's what I'm always used to. Okay.

with Corman are the plan?

Uh -uh. All right, let's put ourselves
in Harry's place for a minute.

You're cornered. You know, the only way
out of it is to... The idea that

exchange is going to take place
someplace in Long Beach.

It's a big city, A .J. I know that.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be what?

Well, I told you Harry specialized in
worse cases.

Let's see.

Disneyland, Anaheim, Dodger Stadium,
Chavez Ravine. The Spruce Goose. The

The Spruce Goose.

He was here. in Long Beach the day it
opened.

Harry's this Howard Hughes nut.

Gosh, you know, he even tracked down a
Wright -Stillman project from the 40s to

buy the plane, but Hughes wouldn't sell.

Well, if Harry's anywhere around the
plane, he ought to be easy enough to

especially with all his help.

We'll be closing in less than an hour,
sir. I can tell time. Just sell me the

ticket.

Bye, guys.

You old enough to have a license for
that thing?

and make yourself at home.

You know, I don't remember sending you
invitations to this party.

Gee, I didn't think we were crashing.

Just as a matter of professional
interest, how did you manage to be in

us and behind us at the same time? We
didn't make up our minds we were coming

here until ten minutes ago.

Oh, you like that maneuver, huh? Well,
tell me, how is it you happen to get the

urge to see a great big plane this
particular afternoon?

We think Harry might be hiding inside.

Isn't that why you're here?

No, no. I'm here keeping tabs on two
attachés from the Russian consulate in

Francisco. Are you expecting an
exchange?

Uh -huh.

So Harry Gleeson's here, too.

Look, I swear to you, Harry is not a
foreign agent.

No, probably not.

But somebody is.

When did you take Harry off the top of
your list?

It was a bomb in her car.

See, it didn't make any sense for Harry
to try and kill you. You weren't any

threat to him.

No.

The only one she's a threat to would
be... Corman.

Who also happens to be here today.

Well, well. Very interesting.

You see, it starts to look like Gleeson
was supposed to die in that alley right

beside my man.

Now, the only witness would be Robert
Corman.

We'd never get the stuff back.

But Harry'd get the blame.

Stay here, all right?

Well, keep an eye on her, will you,
Father?

Spyfield going down in the corner.

I don't think I can't use this. I got a
marksmanship medal in the army.

Harry, don't be stupid.

You're a clerk.

Put the gun down. You can't get away
with this.

The one that's stupid, Mr. Corman.

And the traitor.

You got him started. Now finish him off.

Real good, Harry.

Yeah. Love that.

Harry. Harry.

Harry.

Hey, Harry.

Tell me something.

Why'd you stay out?

Why not come in and ask for help?

How could he know who to trust? No, no.

Compiling worst -case scenarios is bad
enough. Having lived through one makes

sure for me that I never want to do that
again. I'm glad it's over.

And as for you two, well, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Anytime.

Next time the party's at our place.

Hey.

You're lucky we found you.

You guys made it look pretty easy.
That's because you didn't do it like the

we told you to do it. We told you not to
leave one thread dangling. What did you

do? You left a thread.

Maybe I left it dangling on purpose.