All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s03e20 Harms Way

Those are the dudes who left that pile
of bodies down in Chinatown. Tonight on

Simon and Simon.

You go to Los Angeles, try to find him?
You're not saying he's one of those

ninja assassins, are you?

Sit down.

Animal. Hammerman. Federal Reserve.

If that's your...

So you see, Mr. Simon, A .J., Brian and
I are divorced, but I don't want

anything bad to happen.

What I mean is, I know he doesn't
exactly jump for the phone when I call

these days, but I've left a dozen
messages on his answering service.

Nothing.

It's just like him to put me through
this.

He told me never to check up on him, but
I'm so afraid. Oh, please, A .J., help

me.

Better.

May I?

Now again, please.

I'm not exactly sure about Brian's work.
Something to do with importing.

He's always dealing with foreigners.

You know, the kind of people you
wouldn't trust.

And now they're the car, the same car
parked in front of my house for a week

with the same men in it watching me.

Please, Mr. Simon.

A .J.

A .J.

I know he told me never to check up on
him like this, but I'm afraid.

I mean, we were married 11 years.

That's a hell of a way to avoid paying
alimony.

Most of them are.

I'm just...

saying we've been down this road before,
Eve. We sort of know the way by heart.

Then you'll take the case?

You'll go to Los Angeles, try to find
him?

I won't just try. We will find him.

Import X building is dealing drugs.

Nobody's that up front.

Maybe he's just a plain old everyday...

Hey, how you doing?

Fine.

Is he in?

Is who in?

Mr. Harms.

No. Oh, well, you're going to be
expecting him soon? Because I know he's

to want to take a look at this new line
of forms and budgets.

Well, I don't expect him.

Not at all?

You could try back in about a month.

You're pulling my leg.

Hey, look.

We do more business.

with independent consultants in
Hollywood than any other company west of

Rockies. Well, this is Los Angeles.
Hollywood is a little further up the

freeway.

Your phone is ringing.

Well, maybe that's him.

Yeah, but that could be for you.

We have a service.

Look, why don't you just leave me a card
and I'll let him know you came by, huh?

Tell you what, I'm going to do something
even better than that.

Why don't you give me one of your
brochures, some promotional material,

know, so that I know exactly what kind
of training it is that you do. Well, we

don't have any.

Aha. Well, maybe you could fill me in.

Nice meeting you.

Okay, Taylor, I'm coming.

Take it easy.

Hollywood.

AJ, do me a favor.

Remind me this is not what I want to do
when I grow up.

Uh, crete 702.

Well, right floor, but we're way down
the hall. You gotta dig through the

curtain.

Uh -huh, what? What have you got?

Enter office member job if you didn't go
to bed with me.

And I'm sorry you misinterpreted the
nudity at the Christmas party.

I would greatly appreciate your staying
late this evening to go over these

charges in detail.

Love, Herb. Love, Herb.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Ah, the blind pig.

Blinds the acorn.

Ah, yeah.

Over here. Let's dig down in this
corner.

I got a... dog -eared copy of a gothic
romance.

And an empty lipstick, too. What do you
got?

Vaguely psychotic doodle.

Must be... Shannon.

I'd love to give her a Rorschach test.

Boy, somebody likes her style.

She's getting a thousand bucks a week to
do her nails.

Payroll stuff.

Maybe it's time to dust off Art
Hammerman.

It was a medical problem. But our
actuarial computer considers you a poor

Quite frankly, we've had bad luck trying
to get our money back from you home

dialysis unit.

Oh, excuse me.

L .A. State, Kelly speaking.

No, Mr. Waxman's at lunch. This is Ron.
Again, I need you to verify one of your

accounts for me.

Number is 024364789.

Triple two.

It's Harms Traders Limited.

If it's less than six figures, they're
good for it. Clear it.

Well, wait a minute.

I'll tell you what. Maybe I better wait
until Waxman gets back.

Kramer, I'm giving you authorization to
clear the check.

Harms Traders is one of our largest
accounts.

Well, I didn't ask you to clear the
check. I would... To hell with it. Look,

forget it. I was just trying to save you
a little grief. That's all. Wait a

minute. What are you talking about?

I am talking about the Hammer, and you
can play with him all by yourself.

What? Art Hammerman from the Fed.

He sent us to the ringer all morning,
and now it's your turn. But hey, look,

don't worry about it.

Maybe by the time he gets to you, Waxman
will be back.

Kramer. Hello?

Hammerman, Federal Reserve.

If that's your wife, you can tell her
you'll be late for dinner and quite

possibly breakfast.

Sir, I...

I'm only an assistant manager.

Mr. Waxman stepped out for some lunch.
Oh, you'll do just fine.

You are aware that when a federal
examiner puts his case on your desk, all

contents thereof become the property of
the U .S. government.

That includes this.

I will want a computer readout on the
account information card and all records

pertaining to the Harms Traders Limited
account for the last six months.

Now, while this hummer is warming up...

I think you ought to reconsider this
lady's loan application.

I would hate to think that you were
refusing her on the basis of her age.

Be discrimination, wouldn't it?

So, Harms Limited does business with the
U .S. government.

We've got Federal Prairie Management
Board,

the U .S. Bureau of Eskimo Affairs, and,

get this one,

the Office of Railroad Rights of Way.

I mean, I know the guys in Washington
are working hard to infuse the national

debt. Doing a heck of a job. But I never
even heard of most of these places.

They don't even sound real.

Here's to us. Something that requires a
fistful of dollars. But who always needs

that? Us?

Well, besides the two of us.

Guys in trench coats?

Yep. Now, take a look at these
withdrawals.

Three months ago, there was a million
dollars in cash.

Now it's gone. Nothing. Bye -bye.

So is harms. Mm -hmm.

Well, I think we better get ourselves
together and start calling all these

agencies. Yeah, forget it.

Which one of those outfits got 50 ,000
employees? Every morning they pledge

allegiance to red tape. We could be put
on hold or we die of old age.

Besides, if he's a spy, it's all just a
smoke screen anyway.

I don't see anything dazzling coming off
of your launch pad.

Well, we have lift off.

A series of rent checks for Brian Harms'
apartment.

Hello.

What's the matter with that one, A .J.?
Expired?

You really should see if there's any
money in heck to put you in a new tax

bracket. Hey, I'm not heavy. I'm your
brother.

You know, if this guy harms us so weird,
he could be booby -trapped.

I once saw a guy in Saigon get his hand
blown off a pair of dice.

Of course, you can rig anything. I mean,
you can rig beer cans, bell buckles,

telephones. Doors are the easiest.

No thanks to the peanut gallery.

Anytime.

This guy.

Report to the Congressional Oversight
Committee on Far East Deployment.

Journal of Strategic Studies.

This month's issue, by the way.

There's one written in Chinese.

Investigator, San Diego.

What are you doing here?

I'm doing the same thing myself.

We're looking for Brian Harms.

His wife is worried about him.

In San Diego?

Yeah. Just grab the woman who hired you.

Uh, 5 '3", 5 '4", blonde hair, blue
eyes, very attractive.

Tall or not, 5 '4", 5 '5".

Freezing Chinese.

As long as you're in L .A., why don't we
get together and talk?

No. I'm staying with friends, and I
don't want them to know anything about

I couldn't find you to tell you, but
Brian called me tonight.

He says he's in danger, but he wouldn't
tell me why.

Believe him.

A .J. and I think it's time you brought
the police in on this.

I can't. I promised that I wouldn't.

Please. You don't have to do anything
more that's risky.

If you could just give me a start.

Please, anything to help me find Brian.

He needs help.

I'll agree with you there.

Eve, we're going back down to San Diego
tonight.

There is one more thing I want to look
into.

I'll let you know if it goes anywhere.

But no promises.

Thank you. That's wonderful.

I'll be waiting.

Well, I hope that does it.

I don't plan on making a career out of
it. Of course.

Don't worry.

You've played your final scene in our
little drama.

And quite brilliantly, too.

I'm telling you, AJ, we ought to drop
this one right now.

Professionals should not let a man turn
himself into a small furry animal right

in front of their eyes.

Sure, Bill.

Whatever. He disappeared, didn't he?

Yeah.

Not the way you mean.

What other way is there?

You feel how he disarmed us? I mean, it
was effortless.

Yeah, quite too.

I didn't even see him coming.

He used karate, judo, aikido, a move
I've never even seen before, and I

I'd studied everything.

I'm not at his level, obviously, but
very few people in the world get to be

good.

The only one I know is back in San
Diego.

What's wrong?

I... I don't know. I just had this weird
feeling like someone was watching us or

listening to us or something.

I have to be in a helicopter. We've got
20 floors up.

Let's get out of here. Yeah.

Hey, James, pick the tape.

How's he going to know one guy in Los
Angeles?

Well, to those guys, it's sort of a
small community. I mean, there's not

many real masters around.

I don't know if I have one.

Well, if it's like fraternity, even if
he knows, what makes you think the boat

is going to sell you?

Because he owes me one, that's why.

Last time we sparred, he broke my hand
on his nose.

He said he'd be here around 10 o 'clock.

Where'd he

go?

Not far.

Where?

Yeah,

yeah. Okay, I got it.

Sensei, this is what Ninja used.

Uh -huh.

Ah, yeah, Carlos, go ahead.

Okay.

Got it.

Uh, sure, you can use the house, no
problem.

What? Well, as long as it takes us to
figure this thing out.

No!

Okay.

Adios.

She doesn't live in San Diego.

She rented one of those little weekly
studio apartments two days before she

to see us. Cleared out the day after.

She left one of those little automatic
telephone things, you know, to forward

your calls. That's how we were able to
reach her last night in L .A.

Carlos got us the address.

I figure besides our fee, she owes us an
explanation.

So do I.

You want to be careful. Rick, Rick.

Two, three, four, five, six.

You want to be careful with that stuff.

It's called Hokure no Mikura.

Say what?

Well, it means sort of like dust of the
blind.

It's a hypnotic powder.

It stuns you when you inhale it. The
ninja use it. They make it out of herbs,

who knows what all.

Brian Harms knows what all.

I think we met his druggist last night.

You're not saying he's one of those
ninja assassins, are you?

I will soon know how she likes surprise
parties.

find does for a living, AJ.

What?

She's an actress. But younger than the
last time we saw her.

It's a great makeup job.

She was good.

I guess technically this means we're off
the case.

You can call the police.

But Mr. Hearns doesn't think we killed
his ex -wife.

He does.

Before you start kicking, you just
listen.

All right.

You put the guns away and I'll listen.

She's not your ex -wife, is she?

No, fortunately.

My Ava's in New York for visiting
friends.

What did this one tell you? You wouldn't
return her messages.

You were involved with dangerous people,
which is certainly not stretching the

truth.

You stupid morons. You led them right to
me. No, not us. No.

Now, we took cabs. We took three rented
cars.

We changed all of our patterns. We
changed our clothes twice. No. I mean,

this all the time. We are professionals.

We know what we're doing.

Almost. Almost what?

Changed almost.

Welcome to the big sound of station R .I
.C .K.

Broadcasting to you from high atop
Rick's head.

Terrific.

Remember when she came to the house, she
was pacing back and forth going through

all of our stuff.

We made it real easy on her. Look, it
doesn't have to be easy. Just say when.

You know, you're awfully calm about all
this.

I mean, shouldn't we grab the first
badge we see and start yelling bloody

murder? Well, the locals are good, but
on something like this, the cops would

look like toddlers in a sandbox.

Better for the big kids to handle it.

These big kids you're talking about,
they dress up in cloaks and play with

daggers?

Able to topple small governments in a
single bound?

Seeing guys like you toss the B .C. out
of helicopters.

You're with the company. You're a spook.

Not anymore. I'm semi -retired. Yeah,
yeah. Semi -retired? You put $450 ,000

into your bank account last month, and
you call that retired? You must have one

hell of a pension plan. Not my money,
not all of it. That office is a

clearinghouse. The whole Southwest is
right out there.

You run the Southwest?

No, not me, Shannon. I told you I'm semi
-retired. I shook my hand like we're

saying goodbye.

I'm going to go down here, at least to
an alley. They'll follow me, but they

can't take the car more than 50 yards.

There's another entrance from Sunset.
It'll take you exactly 30 seconds to get

around there. We'll catch him between
us.

Indicator.

Femi retirement.

Look, we were there when he was killed
and we already gave a statement to the

cops. I know, but now he's scheduled for
a post -mortem. We'd like to get a

second ID before we cut, you know. It's
the man that we still get shot.

We can't swear it's Brian Harms.

Uh -huh.

Would you sign this, please?

Oh, yeah.

AJ, you okay?

Could we have a moment alone,

please, to say our final goodbyes? It's
a very private thing.

Of course.

I understand.

There you go.

Thank you.

Wait a minute, because I felt your...
Well, I didn't feel it because you

have... How do you do that? Oh, anyone
can control that.

Pull straight. It's just six years of
practice.

What's got me with a soft little shot in
my shoulder?

Well, I'll tell you what. You might as
well just lie back down there if you

don't see a doctor.

That's where you're taking me. That's
where I'm taking you. Here, put this on.

Another one of those bodies can get it
over here. Put this on another one of

meat? The only way I'm going to stay
alive is if I stay dead a little while

longer. Makes sense to me.

Come on, you guy. You want to make this
my permanent residence?

Well, I'm not going to do it. Come on,
Town. You're a make -a -call kind of

All we want you to do is make a call.

Just start extradition proceedings on
Arnold Papa Papadopoulos.

Who is a missing dead man, right?

No, not exactly. He's in the morgue
right now. He's wearing somebody else's

tag. We borrowed his.

Well, put it back.

Come on, town.

You just told me you caught the monkey
house flasher. You've had a good day to

share the wealth, will you?

Yeah, well, look, I'll tell you right...
Hey, stop that. Stop that.

Stop.

Sit down.

Animal.

I'm really missing.

Town, trust me, this one is important.

Oh, okay.

I have my hands full of important things
to do around here.

Plenty of important things.

Put this on you under the paint.

Well, you're covered for about six hours
anyway.

Okay. Well, you tie a nice bandage.
Yeah, well, I've had plenty of practice.

Look, do you want me to get you
anything? That local's going to wear

no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

What time is it?

421. 419.

Okay, Shannon, Twix, D .C. Murphy will
still be there.

We will attack the reviewing stand at
this intersection, which gives us four

escape routes.

The People's Republic delegation will be
here.

Hong Kong reports that your fingerprints
are making the rounds of several U .S.

agencies.

I realize we all saw Mr. Harms die in
front of our eyes.

But as we all know, these human
perceptions are so easily deluded.

Execute our contingency immediately.

Murphy, no cover is perfect. I forget
how they found me. Where do we go from

here? We got a preliminary ID on that
prince. Belongs to Shen Feng Li.

Stolen car involved in a minor traffic
accident.

Asia deaths figure he's there for a hit.

Who's Shen?

Only as a last resort.

Only if he misses you.

Keep Shen out of L .A., then. You know
this trip is a showpiece for the

president and the State Department.

Oh, come on, Murphy.

Ground his damn plane in Kansas City and
divert it to Alberta. You know the

routine.

I can just stop Zen from coming to LV.
At least send some extra people in here.

I can still give them backup.

Zen is skittish as a coat. He'll smell
trouble if we bring in more manpower.

You'll have to reassure him, Brian, or
he's going home.

We got him this far. Let's not blow it.

I'll bring him in, and you stroke him.

Immersion... Oh,

God, this is all I need.

Shannon, can I have a Kleenex, please?

Who is this guy? Crazy is something you
win. You can hardly move.

Who is Zen?

You talk to anyone who knows Red China
and they'll tell you that Hussein is

in line for the party chairman.

I agree.

Hussein is a friend of mine, more or
less.

We worked together when I was in the
field.

I'm confused. I mean, who is this guy
Tao after? You or Zen?

Oh, both, really.

Zen only agreed to visit the U .S. after
I offered to come out of retirement and

supervise his covert security.

And you heard Murphy.

Zen would.

Pack his bags in a minute.

Yeah.

He thought I was neutralized.

What do you call having the Howlin'
Tunnel on your shoulder?

Down but not out.

Come on.

What choice do I have?

Or do we have?

You heard Washington.

They are not going to duck while he gets
a clean shot.

And if you two don't stop Tau for me,
we're going to have a lot of dead people

all over that street.

Excuse me.

I'm Eve Brandt. I just returned from New
York and there was a message waiting

for me in San Diego.

The police told me Mr. Harms was here.

Deceased.

But now I guess there's some confusion.

No, Miss Brandt.

No confusion.

If you'll come with me, please.

Amazing how far you can get with one
fingerprint.

Mr. Tao, all right.

You owe a certain lieutenant detective
in San Diego a bottle of tequila.

He likes it in a gallon jug.

All right.

Now, I'm not sure this is any help,
but... The guy ran away from an

right? Minor fender bend. Now, that's
not unusual.

If he stole the car.

Owner claims he didn't know the car was
stolen until after the accident. But

again, that's not unusual.

It's only gone for a few hours.

So where does that lead us?

Well, good question.

But, you know, maybe the owner lied.

Maybe he's tied up with Tao somehow.

Here's Rick with a vehicle check.

The guy who reported the stolen car?

Guess what else he's got in his garage.

72 Volkswagen convertible.

And a van leased to the Hangzhou
Meatpacking Company. I think we'll get

Go.

You like the dust, huh?

I know, but I want to fall asleep
straight.

Glenn, I can't.

Tell me something. Why don't your teeth
chatter?

The speed of my pulse rate is
restricting the blood flow out of my

That's an easy way I can show you that,
isn't it? I wish there was a way to get

you out of here tomorrow.

I have to wait until they think we're
two weeks removed.

I don't know about you, but I am almost
there.

Look, I've got to do something to stay
warm. I might as well be cool, Hardy.

Rick, give me a lighter.

It's only going to make you think you're
warm.

Not for me, idiot, for this time.

It's about time you showed up. This poor
woman is freezing to death in here.

What are you trying to do, kill us or
something? It's cold in here. Am I

through to you?

Ding -ling, wong -si -tang.

Ni -min -tong -ge.

Wong -shang.

Rick. Yeah. You want the three men to
move to the far wall?

I wouldn't just say so.

It's okay here. Everything's going to be
fine. I'm going to go down here to the

far wall, okay?

Quiet!

Fast. I know where they're going to make
the hit.

No.

Anything? Oh, I've missed the hits of
Bandits 12 o 'clock.

Okay, I'll take the Outriders. Okay. Do
you remember... Sorry, keep going.

Uh, Rick?

I'd let go of him now. Right.

Police, hold it. Hi, guys. I said hold
it. Hey, hey, hey. Oh, how are you guys?

He's down in Chinatown.

Look, fellas, I'm sorry.

It is a pleasure to meet you. I've been
filled in on your involvement, and I

wanted to thank you in person.

You'll be receiving a check from the
Federal Registry of Bridges and Canals

token of our gratitude.

Uh, Mr. Murphy, what about Harms?

Who?

I think we all understand the situation.

We've started the wheels turning, and I
think there's a good chance that

everything will be shift shape in about
a week. In the meantime, let me know if

there's anything I can get you.

A reading material, candy, tobacco.

Don't hesitate. Hey, hey, hey, now wait,
wait, wait a minute.

You're not going to do anything about
getting us out of here right now?

You know the bureaucracy.

I'm afraid you're victims of a couple
miles of red tape.

But such is life.

Hey, wait a minute.