Original subtitles

Tonight on Simon and Simon.

Is this Ryan Tang a friend of yours?

Barf, get him up. Since I'm dressed, we've got to get out of here and find

Rosalie. You just found her. Say what?

This is a police problem, and the police ought to be handling it. Julie is the

official custodian of Daddy's memory.

She would have married him if it had been socially acceptable.

He got a nice tax write -off when he donated it to the museum, you know? He

dead. I think I know who stole the painting.

Oh, no.

Please, Julie, don't drop me.

Can you hear me?

How is he? He doesn't want to see you. Well, I want to see him.

Joey. We're here, Daddy.

No.

Phone.

Leo.

Joey.

James Stallard speaking.

Milk.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry, honey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. On my way home.

Low -fat or regular?

Yeah. Whole wheat or white?

Wait a minute. I'll write a list.

What are you guys doing here?

Hey, it's okay, man.

We got permission. See, the Admiral's a friend of mine.

One second, please.

Ten minutes.

You need any help?

With what?

Moving your boat, remember?

No. Today is the day that you promised to move your boat.

I did? Uh -huh.

Why would I do that? I'm on a waiting list at the marina for a new slip. That

could take years.

No, it won't.

I called marina right up the coast.

There's a space available right now.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Trailer's got a flat.

Well, that's easy to fix.

Yeah, I know, but the power wagon's down, you know. The battery from that's

the 57.

Well, what you do is you take the battery out of the 57 and you put it in

power wagon.

Then you jack up the trailer and you fix the flat.

Then you hitch the trailer to the power wagon and you get your boat out of my

yard.

Hello? Yeah, of course I remember you.

Have you been?

Hey!

You can forget about that. We got a job.

Simon and Simon Investigations?

Yes, sir.

Thank you much.

Wait a minute. That's what you said being a private detective was.

So? I stole it from the Navy.

Navy, wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute. Who's paying us? The insurance company

or the Navy?

Neither.

Then who's paying us?

Oh, you probably don't remember her.

Julie Arthur?

Oh, no.

Yes, I remember Julie Arthur, especially the time she called the cops on me.

What do you want? We broke her window playing baseball. It was the Admiral's

window. What'd she care?

She just never liked me.

Offering to buy back a stolen painting from the people who stole it is the same

as rewarding a criminal for committing a crime. You may be right, Lieutenant.

I am right, sir.

Another thing, this is a police problem, and the police ought to be handling it.

That portrait means more than money, Lieutenant.

It's a tribute to the memory of a man who was my friend.

A Navy man, a man who devoted his life to the service of his country.

Now the insurance company is willing to put up the money to get it back.

Hi.

Nice to see you. Thanks for coming so quickly.

Oh.

You look lovely.

So do you.

Oh, you remember Rick?

I remember him.

Gentlemen.

For the record, up front, Lieutenant Bell and the police department don't

approve of what we're about to do here.

No, we don't either, but it usually works.

I understand you gentlemen have done this sort of thing before.

So since Julie knows you, the museum is quite willing to let you handle the

recovery. We would like you, however, to be as discreet as possible.

Of course.

Lieutenant Bell is willing to give you 24 hours.

Cutting it just a little fine, isn't it?

Well, how long does this sort of thing usually take?

A few days would be nice to make contact with the thieves, work out a few

details.

24 hours is all you get.

Fine.

Where's he going?

I don't know.

Okay, listen up, folks. We've got a statement for you. The Western Pacific

Insurance Company has authorized the payment of $100 ,000 for the return of

painting within 24 hours. Be no questions asked.

Anyone with any further information may contact the offices of Simon & Simon

Investigations at 555 -6470.

That's 555 -6470. Excuse me.

What about the story? Get a shot. Get him on the run.

Is that your definition of discreet? No, it's my definition of 24 hours.

Thank you for calling Simon and Simon Investigation.

Our staff is not in the office at the moment.

Yeah, Simon and Simon.

I already subscribed to the Tribune.

No, I don't know a friend who would like to subscribe to the Tribune.

You're welcome.

You don't subscribe to the Tribune. I subscribe to the Tribune.

Yeah, but I read yours. What do you want, a quarter?

When you move your boat?

Then you can have your own subscription. Hey, look, I promised to move my boat

today. You're the one who said we had to work.

Rick, I just saw you on TV.

Look, there you go again.

You don't look that bad.

What do you want, Myron?

What makes you think I always want something?

A .J., your brother was such a cynic.

What do you want, Myron?

Nothing. Look, I was just in the neighborhood.

Well, I thought I could help you guys out on this case.

Well, thank you, Myron. We appreciate it, but we don't need any help. Hey,

listen, I could run down the background on this painting thing, find out

everything about Admiral Arthur.

Fellas? It's always good to know every detail on a case like this.

Yeah, but Myron, all we got to do is just sit here and wait for the phone to

ring.

You mean you think the crooks are going to pick up the phone and call you just

because they saw you on TV?

Yeah, we do.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Yeah. Look, in all my years as a private detective, not once, never, did any

criminal ever pick up the phone and make a date with me.

Maybe it's his mouthwash. Could be.

You're a very funny man.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I'll bet you 20 bucks.

Yeah, Rick Simon.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

We're going to wire you. We're going to put a directional radio on your car and

one on the briefcase here.

No, you're not.

We made a deal.

We're not going to break it.

Okay, it's your show.

Wasn't that just a little too easy?

Guys, what's going on?

Hey, Lester. Hey.

I need to borrow some of your tools.

What happened? You guys broke it already?

No, no. We just need to work a few bugs out.

Um, tell you what.

Why don't you go out and... Get us a six -pack.

Sure, I can go for a cold one.

I'll be right back. All right.

Don't you understand English?

Nobody talks

American anymore.

Full service.

If you think I'm going to change my mind, pal, you're all wet.

I'm writing your head office and tell them how rude and lazy you are.

Entiendo perfectamente.

Y quiero que usted sepa que lo siento mucho por la inconveniencia que

esto le causara.

Let's see the money.

What, do we look stupid?

Let's see the painting.

The painting's in the back of the van. You show us the money.

Forget it.

Show him the money.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This is not Van Heineken's death of a brass hind.

It's a copy.

And not a very good copy of that.

I told you to.

I told you to. I wanted to backstop you. All right.

I think I know.

With what? I think I know who stole the painting.

What?

My sister Rosalie and my father never got along.

And then one night they had this terrible fight and she told Daddy that

going to steal his painting.

From the museum?

No, it didn't go to the museum until after Daddy died.

But it wasn't just that. It was the way she threatened to do it.

She said that she was going to replace it with a copy.

So every time Daddy looked at it, he'd wonder whether it was real or not. She

really hated him. I remember her. She was a cute kid.

There was this one time when I was in high school, I was out on a date.

Rosalie must have been like, I don't know, 10 years old or something. Anyway,

she came up to the car and she said hi and then told the girl I had a social

disease.

Do you have any idea where we could find her?

Uh, no, I haven't seen her since the funeral.

Some of her friends say that she hangs out at a nightclub.

It's named after a rat or something.

A rat?

Shea, uh... Shea... Shea Vermin.

That's it.

Well, it's still there. Better go take a look at it.

Come on, E .J.

I think you ought to go along.

Say what?

Well, Rosalie and Julie still don't get along, and Rosalie knows that Julie and

I used to be friends.

So she sees me with you, and, you know.

I'll tell you what, though.

I'll do some background research on the case.

Real good.

I mean, it's boring. It's not glamorous like going to a nightclub.

Right. Have a good time.

Mm -hmm.

I'm looking for this girl. You seen her around here?

Nope.

Give me a beer.

Pleasure to meet you.

Name's Simon.

Rick Simon.

I'm here looking for a friend of mine named... Rosalie, that's her picture

there. You seen her around?

Get out of here before I sit on you.

Do you want to know about the death of the Brass Hind?

I would love to.

Well?

It depicts a very famous naval engagement.

Does it? Uh -huh.

Nazis stole it during World War II.

They did?

And my daddy searched all over the world for it.

Really?

Yes. Bonsoir.

Bonsoir.

Bonsoir. If I may suggest, monsieur, we've just received a shipment of

Fontainebleau. Mmm.

That sounds delicious.

Mm -hmm. How'd you like it?

Medium rare?

Uh -huh.

Medium rare.

The Chateau Fontainebleau is a wine, monsieur.

Yes, of course it is.

How is it?

Medium dry.

That sounds fine.

Could we see a menu, please?

Oui, monsieur.

girl here in the club.

Hey, wake up.

Come on, wake up.

Rosalie? Who the hell are you?

I got I .D. right here in my head pocket.

You want to tell him to take his foot off?

No.

Hey, I know you.

Yeah, hi.

Um, is this Ryan Tang, a friend of yours?

Uh -huh.

See, you thought you were somebody else.

I got a couple of guys been threatening me lately.

Barf, get him up.

Do you want to come in?

It's late.

I know.

But you haven't seen Daddy's study yet.

That's true.

It might be important.

It's where he kept the painting.

I think I definitely should see it.

It's a very interesting room.

I haven't changed a thing since he died.

Says a lot about your father.

Do you want to see the rest of the house?

I'd like to see your room.

Um, I don't know if I want you to.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Till after you've seen the rest of the house.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I'm into pain.

Maybe you should get into punk rock.

No, I don't think I could go that far.

Stupid lyrics, boring beat, you can't dance to it. Best I could do is give

a 27.

Why did you come looking for me?

To ask you a question.

What question?

Did you steal the painting that your father donated to the Mabel Museum?

Little Miss Priss put you up to that, didn't she?

Mm -hmm. That creep.

That was ten years ago.

But you did threaten to do that, didn't you? I never really did get along with

my father.

It's not that I didn't love him.

I really did love him.

But, uh, he was always so distant.

And he had Julie, so I was always looking for ways to get to him.

That's when I told him I'd switch his precious painting for a fake. I got to

him.

He hit me so hard across the face that I ran away, and I never went home again.

And I called up these guys who made a habit of stealing things, and I told

about it, but nothing ever came of it.

There's one of them, a guy with short hair, and the other one built kind of

a walk -in safe with a smished face.

No. No.

Landis had long hair down to his shoulders, and Bernard had an afro. That

ten years ago.

Then they are the guys.

Give that man a cupid, all.

I didn't even know the damn painting had been stolen until Landers called me up

and threatened to smash in my face if I let on who they were.

Which one is Landers?

He's the skinny, mean one.

Want a beer?

It is considered polite that when you're in somebody else's house, you ask

before you raid the refrigerator.

Oh, aren't we uptight?

What do you think of my new hair as little as possible?

Change your mind about the beer?

Hey, Rick.

Leave me some more water, okay?

Oh.

How'd you make out last night? You have any luck?

I'll tell you.

As soon as I'm dressed, we gotta get out of here and find Rosalie.

You just found her.

Hi.

Oh. Hi.

To him loves a sport.

A minor recreation.

A girl in every port.

A sexual vacation.

Hello, hello. Anybody home?

No.

Where's A .J.? In the house.

You don't want to know.

Hey, no, don't stop. I like it.

Okay.

A .J.?

Hey, Jay.

Oh, there you are.

Listen, I got all that info you wanted.

I didn't want any info.

Well, sure you did, on the Van Heineken and Admiral Arthur.

Now, first of all, the Admiral searched all over Europe for that painting. It

was sort of an obsession with him, you know?

I already know that, Myron.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Now, hold on, A .J.

Did you also know that it became such an obsession that he had special security

precautions built right into his own house to protect it? I mean, the guy was

real bug about burglaries, and I think that's funny.

Now, I'll tell you another thing that's interesting. He got a nice tax write

-off when he donated it to the museum, you know?

He was dead?

Yeah. And how about this?

Well, go ahead, read it, read it.

His dying words were phone Leo juries.

His daughter Julie told reporters she had no idea who that was.

Uh -huh.

Hmm.

Tell Bernard it's Rosalie.

Mm -hmm.

And tell him he's in a lot of trouble.

If he doesn't want it to get worse, he should give me a call.

I like your style.

So I'll tell you what.

I was going to charge you a C -no for everything but that.

I'm going to give you a discount.

75 bucks.

50. And I'll write you a check when I get to the office.

When are you getting to the office?

Later. We're waiting for the guys who double -crossed us to call back.

Bet another 20?

No, no, no. I don't want to take your money.

I'll stop by later for the check.

Yeah, Rick Simon.

Uh -huh.

How you doing, sweetie?

It's not nice.

Hey, we had a deal, man.

Yeah, we did.

You double -crossed us. Now we want to know where the real painting is.

Hey, come on, guys, huh?

You know how it is. Know our feelings, right?

Right. I'm just speaking to give it a try, you know? Yeah, we know.

I just forgot one thing.

We gave you $100 ,000, and we want the real painting.

We're listening.

Letters will kill you if I tell you.

I'm going to kill you if you don't, and my way will hurt a lot more.

Okay. Okay.

Sold to a doctor.

We're ranchos los robles.

Name. Get to the name.

Courtney. Willis. Willis Courtney.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Yeah.

You know what they say.

What goes around comes around.

I thought so, too.

Uh, Alan, would you see where that is, please?

There's the police.

What's the meaning of this?

Are you Willis Courtney?

Yes. I have a warrant for your arrest.

Arrest? You can't be serious. What's the charge?

Receiving stolen property.

To wit, Van Heineken's painting of the death of the Brass Hind.

Why, that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in all my life.

Dolly was stolen from the Alexander Museum.

Picasso's blue hand from Vienna.

Man and boy from Florida.

And the Chagall was reported missing from a private collection in Canada.

Here it is.

All of your questions will be answered at the proper time.

It's invaluable, my dear. Please, as soon as we can get it back on the museum

walls. But first we have to answer all the questions of the press.

I will be able to answer all your questions in just a few moments.

What's wrong?

I don't want to see her.

Come on, Julie. If it hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have gotten the

back.

Don't you think you two have carried this feud on long enough?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have a statement to make.

The Naval Museum is deeply indebted to the firm of Simon & Simon Investigations

for their diligence in finding and returning this priceless work of art.

you.

To give credit where credit is due, we couldn't have done this without the help

of quite a few people. First of all, Lieutenant Bell here from the police

department. Excuse me, I'm sorry, but I must interrupt.

I have some bad news.

This painting is also a copy.

Oh, it's a very good one, I must admit.

But it's a copy nonetheless.

Landers! Don't try it.

Come on, Landers. It's all over.

Please,

man, don't drop me.

You picked a fine time to play games with me. I want to know where the real

painting is. I don't know what you're talking about.

No, man, Bernard told you where it was.

Bernard told me where the fake painting was. No, man, that's impossible.

The first one was the fake we were going to replace the real one with, I swear.

The second one was just a better fake. I'm going to drop you, Landers. No, come

on, man.

I'm telling you. It was the one we stole. It was the one from the museum.

Well, do you think you could give me a hand?

Oh, I'd probably do that, yeah.

There you go, tough guy. Come on.

had the second copy made himself.

He was paranoid about getting that painting sublimated.

Is that like people who wear fake jewelry and keep the real stuff in safe

Yeah, right. The painting was supposed to go to the museum after he died, but

was the only one who knew where the real, real painting was.

And then he had a stroke?

They couldn't talk.

Yeah, but he had something important to say.

Phone Leo Juries. Right, exactly.

Since he told Rosalie and Julie about this one or the other, I must know who

this Leo Juries guy is. Ah, but they don't. Maybe they just don't think they

She's not welcome in this house.

Now, wait a minute.

We're not asking you to be friends. We're not even asking you to be polite

each other.

We just want to figure out what your father was trying to say the night he

If you want to know the truth, I think it took a lot more for Rosalie to come

this far than it's going to take for you to open the door and let her in.

Well, we're not here to play family feud.

We just want to see if you two can jog each other's memories and figure out who

Leo Juries is, or was.

I hired a private detective to find him after Daddy died.

They couldn't turn up a trace.

I never heard of him.

Rosalie doesn't remember a lot of men. She was either too drunk or stoned to

remember their names.

That's right, sweetie.

Anybody else?

There was a man that stayed with us for a while.

He was Vietnamese.

Chinese. Chi Chin.

Whatever. He and Daddy used to go out drinking and come home stumbling in the

middle of the night.

That's a lie.

It is not.

You only remember what you want to remember about him.

You see, Julie is the official custodian of Daddy's memory.

Just like she was his official companion before he died.

She would have married him if it had been socially acceptable.

don't want to watch this maybe we could sell tickets you can't stop can you you

had a torment when he was alive and you keep doing it now that he's dead he was

a pretty poor excuse and you're a pretty

Jury real nice. It's that easy

That's the way it was when he died.

Julie kept everything exactly the same.

I wonder.

I'm sorry.

That was a lousy thing for me to say.

You know, there's nothing wrong with loving your father.

I was always jealous of how close you two were.

Oh, Rosie.

Did you think that I wanted to spend all my time taking care of him while you

were out there living your own life?

I thought you liked taking care of Daddy.

I would have helped, you know.

If you'd asked.

Well, I hate to break up all this frivolity, but I think we might be onto

something in here.

Your father had this room specially built, didn't he? He sure did. Every

It's funny, it looked larger to me when I was a kid.

I guess I was just smaller.

What did you find out?

Well, we think we know what your father was trying to say when he said phone Leo

Juries. See, Leo Juries is an anagram for Rose and Julie.

Two people that they love the most.

See, what your dad wanted you to do was walk over to the phone.

And spell Leo Juries.

L -E -O -J -U -R

-I -E -N.