All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s02e02 Mike & Pat

AJ, hit the deck!

Down! Let's go! Down, down, down!

Now, you can catch all the wild dolphins
you want between here and Mexico. Why

would anyone steal a trained one? I
mean, what's the worst they could do?

us for lunch? Small fry like you aren't
even keepers.

They've been together five years.

They'll die without each other, I know
it. What about private collectors?

collects dolphins.

No hard feelings, okay? We'll...

That's Mike. That's the one we want.
Right there.

That's our boy.

Let's do it.

Oceanside Marine Operator.

OS Marine Op.

This is the motor vessel Hole in the
Water.

Whiskey Yankee Bravo 5510.

Got you, Hole in the Water. Go ahead.

Yeah, I'd like to make a collect call,
please.

I want him to use up all his hot water.

So what about that whale watch you keep
promising?

You just keep your eyes on the tides,
darling.

Hello?

Collect call from Captain Nemo. Will you
accept?

Reluctantly.

Front door is locked.

Yes, I know. There's a reason.

So what am I, some cretin I know enough
to knock? Come on, open it up. I just

want to take a quick shower.

Oh, I'm afraid all the hot water's gone.

Condition I'm in, cold, do just fine.

Well, from the way it sounded last
night, I think you ought to try the

Oh. By the way, what was all that
breaking glass?

Uh, uh, Carlos came by after work and,
uh...

Did you know that you could actually eat
the worm before you drank the mezcal?

Gee, that's terrific.

Let me ask you a question.

Sure, I'd love to join you for
breakfast.

Uh, she's not your type.

You in any condition to meet a client?

I'd rather meet your friend.

Not in this lifetime.

I'll see you outside in about five.

Uh, fine. How about a shower?

Well, thanks. I've already had one.

Come in, A .J.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Jim Meek, and welcome to the
SeaWorld.

Today.

through our undersea gates.

The gates are chain -linked and
hydraulically operated.

The Coast Guard divers said the locks
had been jimmied. Now, they were very

efficient.

They only wanted Mike.

Now, who else besides the trainers,
security people, had access to the

Well, the maintenance crew and
veterinary staff.

We'll give you the same list we provided
for the police.

All right. That's all right. We have a
relationship with the DA's office. We'll

be touching base.

Fine.

About the police.

We know they're doing their best, and
it's not that we don't have confidence

them, but we just don't have time.

Who knows how long either dolphin will
survive without the other.

Pat, don't mind Mike.

You've got to believe me.

Everything is going to be all right.

See, Pat, what'd I tell you?

We're going to find Mike for you. These
men are going to help us.

Yeah, they are.

Joe, I'd like you to meet A .J. Simon
and his brother, Rick.

Hi. How you doing? Hi, how are you?

Goodness. I'm glad you're here.

Hi, Pat. How you doing?

Excuse me, I have to meet some
reporters. Is there anything else that I

No, really, just try and relax.

Yeah, especially around this nice lady.

Good buddies.

That's right.

It's incredible.

I know.

She wants more.

Well, come on, then. Come on.

How long have you been working with Pat
and Mike?

I met them three years ago.

I started out just doing the show, and
then I got into the research program

here. So since then, I've been splitting
my time.

They do research here? It's not just
singing and dancing?

We do a little bit of everything.

Bioacoustics, behavioral research.

I've been concentrating on communication
studies with Pat and Mike. Good girl.

They can really talk?

Believe it or not, it sounds like a
very, very happy marriage.

They've been together five years.

They'll die without each other, I know
it.

I wonder what we sound like to them.

Well, it's key to our research to come
up with a happy medium.

You see, we would be able to communicate
with them if we could develop a third

language that we both understand.

I could use that now. We'd crack this
case wide open.

We've got an eyewitness in Pat, right?

It's too bad she's coming in like Radio
Free Europe.

That's why I wanted you to hear this.

Excuse me.

Pat's been making the same sound over
and over again since they took Mike.

It's something different. I haven't
heard it before.

Gimme.

Gimme what?

No, uh -uh, it's not that literal.

Unless maybe she's mimicking something
one of them says.

I don't know.

Who else in this area is working with
dolphins?

There's Marine World outside Los
Angeles. No, no, no, not shows. I mean

like yours.

What about universities?

There's the Oceanographic Institute in
La Jolla, but that's only theoretical.

The Navy might be doing some studies,
but I'm not sure.

No, you can catch all the wild dolphins
you want between here and Mexico. Why

would anyone steal a trained one?

Point Jason.

They're an independent research group up
the coast.

They offered to buy two dolphins from us
last year. Who runs it?

Brian Industries.

Oh, no.

Why, who's that?

AJ, you obviously didn't read Howard
Hughes' will.

Oh, that kind of a company.

Yeah, and I want you to be really
careful, too, because, you know, this is

think tank with a lot of dirty water.

Yeah, I remember they did a little
landscaping in Southeast Asia.

Played around with Vietnam like it was
some eighth graders chemistry set You

know what if they are working with
dolphins you can bet they're not just

bouncing brightly colored little balls
look if you have some free time would

mind tiptoeing through your computer and
See if they've been washing behind

their ears lately Who do I work for,
huh? Do I work for you or do I work for

county? Well, see, we pay our taxes. Who
pays you, right?

Why is it that some people cannot resist
abusing democracy?

No, yeah, stop. I'll do it.

Okay? But, you know, around here, it's
going to take some time to get some

time. Well, that's all right. We're in
no hurry.

We're going deep sea fishing.

Right. We're doing what?

Hey, what do you suppose these things
are?

Eh, it's out there for weekend sailors.

You should talk.

Changed president since the last time
your boat was in the water.

Well, come on. If you did some more work
on it, we wouldn't be out a couple

hundred bucks now from renting this tub.

Hey.

They just launched something.

It is cylindrical.

It's about five to six feet long.

However, I do not think it's a dolphin.

Maybe it's a pony keg.

The board of Bryan Industries reads like
a who's who of ex -cabinet members.

Ex -senators.

I mean, we're talking about a company
that buys small nations.

Why would they steal one dolphin?

Well, never trust a company whose motto
is better living through death.

Okay, well, maybe a letter to their
public relations.

Let's just stick around for a minute.
The floor show is just getting started.

You may have a thing for underwater
demolition. I do not. I say it's time to

make waves.

But, however, Richard.

Hey, the sea's free, you know.

Yeah. Brian Industries can pollute the
hell out of it, but they don't own it,

you know what I mean?

Yes. We're just a couple of American
sportsmen out here enjoying the sea, the

surf, the oil spills, you know what I
mean? Yeah, that's right. That's right.

If you think I'm afraid of those bubble
-brained frogmen out here plunking their

magic twangers, you've got another thing
coming, you know. I mean, what's the

worst they could do, have us for lunch?

Small fry like you aren't even keepers.

What do you think, A .J.? I think if we
keep our eye on the ball, we can go two

for three today.

Oh, I don't know. We might get lucky.
Might hit the long one.

You want to commit suicide?

Just start throwing.

This is the U .S. Navy.

Throw down your weapons immediately and
shoot on all engines.

This is me more safe than I hope.

I believed you more as fishermen. You've
got to be kidding me with all these

cards. Don't look at me. That's state
law.

Bureau of Consumer Affairs?

What are you selling, brush it?

Go ahead and laugh. You may need us
someday.

Yeah, send me your number when you get
to Leavenworth.

I always knew there was a difference
between working in intelligence and

with it.

Okay.

Okay, you're clean.

Not real bright, but clean.

Now hear this, gentlemen.

You're going to forget everything you've
seen and heard today.

You're going to forget that Bryan
Industries is a subcontractor for the U

Navy.

You never heard they're doing classified
weapons research.

And you never enjoyed the pleasure of
our company for the last five hours.

Is that clear?

Sure.

As long as you'll agree that we were
never falsely imprisoned or denied our

constitutional rights.

I don't believe this guy.

I don't believe him either.

How'd you like to disappear for a few
years?

Oh, we got our minds right, boss. Right,
A .J.? Now, let me tell you something

you can remember.

We like dolphins, too.

Which is why we ordered Brian to phase
them out of their research last year.

And we don't know anything about the
SeaWorld incident.

I don't suppose you'd care to tell us
who was working with the dolphins back

then, would you?

He'll take you back out to your boat
now. Thank you.

Don't thank me. Thank that lady in the
DA's office you had me call.

Hey, by the way, is she single?

Don't know who you're talking about.

Hey, personally, I would love to tell
you, but you and I have never met,

That boat better be just as we left it.

Hey, don't look at me.

I work with Bryan Industries, not with
those Navy jocks. Sorry to hear they

you such a rough time.

Don't worry about it. You know the Navy.

It's not just a job. Everything's got to
be a damned adventure.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Hey, you're the guys who are looking for
that dolphin, aren't you?

Yeah, we are.

Do you know that I've had dates with
five different men this month?

And you got them all beat by a mile.

Well, I should hope so.

All the deadbeats have been hitting on
you.

It's not those pimply crew cuts from
your office. It's those two banana necks

who stood us up here tonight.

Daddy, those banana necks are picking up
our tab tonight.

Well, that's got to be some favor.

The last time they took me to dinner, we
stayed in the car and ordered from a

plastic clown.

What the?

I'm glad it gave us an excuse to get
together.

You're beautiful tonight.

The candlelight in your hair, it reminds
me of... Please don't.

Hello. Hi, guys.

See, I told you they'd make it. Yeah.

We've been waiting long enough for this
guy to have walked all the way from

Maine. Jeez.

Poor little guy didn't stand a chance.

Oh, what about that marina behind
SeaWorld?

We canvassed every boat owner.

Nobody saw a thing the night Mike was
taken.

Well, except for the old lady who was
captured and given a physical by the

starship.

It's true.

Did you check the militant Save the
Whales group? They're always threatening

release animals in captivity.

Yeah, but they're up in the Bering
Strait ramming Russian trawlers, and

that they're booked into the baby seal
hunt.

Okay, okay. Look, I don't mind singing
for my supper, but you tineers better

listen to the lyrics.

You're talking tuna when you ought to be
out hunting barracuda. I mean, the

snatch was first cabin all the way.

Major League Commando time.

So who runs in that pack?

Navy SEALs?

Underwater demolition experts?

Salvage divers?

As Jacques Cousteau would say, suddenly
it was morning.

So why don't you blow some bubbles in
the right faces and see who comes up for

air? Well, as a matter of fact, we were
thinking if you weren't too busy this

week, you might talk to some of your
friends in the import -export business.

You know, those guys who aren't too
fussy about little details like customs.

Kind of tied up. Oh, like hell you are.

Del Mar closed last week. Santa Anita
doesn't open for a month.

Right. Just enough time to work the
kinks out of my backswing.

Thirty -five a day and twenty cents a
mile.

Of course, my puttin's been off a little
lately, too.

40 and 20, that's all she wrote.

Make it 50 -50, and we'll toss in a list
of everyone who ever worked with

dolphins at Point Jason.

Deal. Uh, wait a minute.

That's classified information.

How are you going to get your lovely
little mitts on that?

I always protect my sources.

Um, by the way, was that Navy officer I
talked to on the phone as good -looking

as he sounded?

Oh, I...

It's the last tape. I got it synthesized
for 3 ,500 cycles a second. If he

doesn't go for this, we are in trouble.

Damn,

I've never seen one. It's stubborn.

You know, maybe we ought to call Merritt
and push the full thing back.

Too late. He got the green light this
morning.

We got two days to break this sucker.

We just have to out -psych him.

And what about those investigators?

They already got as far as Jason. If
they go back and look at our work with

dolphins, we're all classified
information.

Besides, the Navy doesn't know anything
about this. Those guys are up against a

dead end. Well, so are we.

This lover boy's so homesick he won't
even eat.

Hey.

I think I know what might perk up his
appetite.

You sure this guy's reliable?

Are you kidding? He's one man wild
kingdom.

He's more like an endangered species to
me.

Hey, Gary, how's it going? Hey, my man.

Working out of the wagon keeps my
overhead down.

Sort of Detroit's answer to Noah's Ark,
huh? Yeah.

That's good, man. I like that.

Thank you. But listen, we got to keep it
down because I got a load of Nicaraguan

parrots in there. It's donked out of
tequila.

They just flew in.

How'd they find their way?

Nah, man. I picked them up at air
freight.

They were stashed in a load of straw
hats.

You see, these guys fly without
passports. Follow me?

Yeah, but look, I asked you about
seafood.

You got any dolphin running this week? I
wouldn't mess with him.

Huh? What? He's on a hunger strike.

All right, ask around, and this ain't
your day for mahi -mahi.

The only thing on the market is wild, no
Ed Sullivan time, if that's what you're

looking for.

Yeah. What about private collectors?

Crazy.

Ocelots and cheetahs, yeah. Hey, I even
unloaded a monitor lizard.

doctor up in Cerritos.

But nobody collects dolphins.

Okay, thanks a lot, Gary. You, uh, let
us know if you hear anything, okay? Hey,

Ricky. I can get you a good price on a
Komodo dragon.

No, thanks. I hear they're held to
housebreak.

Yeah, but they sure discourage burglars.

Right. Uh, see you around, Gary.

I think he's wrong.

About the dragon?

No, about private parties.

I mean, yeah, sure, a dolphin is an
expensive house pet. It's a little bit

maintenance than a cat box and a flea
collar, but... Yeah, so we ought to

looking for somebody with a lot of bread
and water. Best of.

Okay, we need to know everything that a
dolphin would need to keep himself

comfortable outside of this environment.

You know, things like the kind of
holding tanks and pens, the amount of

percentage of salt, feeding schedules,
things like that. And we'll talk after

the show.

How's Pat holding up?

She's fading.

No appetite, no sleep.

That's why I'm working her in the show.
I've got to get her mind off Mike.

Let's go, Pat. The show must go on.

Break a pen, Pat.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Maybe she did.

After all, one picture's worth a
thousand whistles.

Yeah. Oh, you crazy.

Give me that cap. Give me that roll of
film.

Oh, I'll tell you what.

Here you go.

You send me your name and address, and I
will send you the prints, okay?

There you go. Just send me that address.

Have a good day. Thank you. Bye -bye.
Wait.

I got you. I'm not kissing the kid.

We'll send you enlargement.

11 by 14. You'll like it. Yeah, put them
up on the living room wall.

person. I prefer those surfing posters
you used to hang in your room. Come on,

Mom. You've got to admit it says at
least as much as the olden bird that's

hanging in your condo lobby.

It says you shouldn't be living alone or
with your brother.

Oh, I agree with you there.

How about a shooter, Mom? I got some
margarita mix out in the boat. No,

honey. I'm on a salt -free diet this
month.

Besides, you have work to do. I know
you're playing what is wrong with this

picture. I left a new chew toy for Marlo
on the kitchen counter.

Thanks, Mom. See you later.

Well, thanks, honey. I'll return this
after the weekend.

Oh, no hurry.

After all, it's yours.

AJ, get in here quick.

Look at this picture.

You're right.

It hasn't moved in two hours.

All right, look.

These two kids here, they belong with
these folks, right? Mm -hmm. All right,

and Pa, suburbia here.

They belong with freckles, who's
sticking cotton candy in his sister's

High school lovers up here.

Okay. Hold down a Cub Scouts right here,
right?

What is this barracuda doing in the
middle of all those goldfish?

Well, he's... Mm -hmm.

Look at here.

Well, from the angle of her head, it
looks like Pat's looking right at him.

-hmm.

Gibby, Gibby, Gibby?

I think we're talking the same language,
and this time she's coming in loud and

clear.

And now, folks, we're in for a special
treat.

I'd like you to meet one of the great
ladies of SeaWorld, our prima ballerina.

That's more like it.

Okay, I'm going to attach the retrieval
harness, and we'll check it out again.

We're bringing him home in the morning.

You on schedule?

Well, don't worry.

The boy will be there to meet you.

Okay?

Right, okay. Have a safe sail.

Hey, Gibson, take a look at this. We got
a breakthrough here.

Mike's going through the whole routine
like clockwork.

What did I tell you?

All it took was a little chatter from
his girlfriend and the sounds were home.

Yeah, yeah, but will it work when we get
out there in the open sea?

Sure. We crank up those underwater
speakers and that's the only sound we'll

hearing. He goes to the drop point,
picks up the little package, and comes

back.

I knew he was going to be an all -star.
Best dolphin I ever worked with.

Look, when this operation's over, I'd
like to take... No.

It's going to be airtight. No evidence.

Pat, they'll find Mike.

You've got to believe me.

Everything is going to be all right, I
promise.

Come here, baby.

It's all going to be fine.

And you're telling me that a dolphin
picked this guy out of an entire crowd

remembering him from a kidnapping? A
little thin guy.

Oh, come on, Janet. Anything's possible.
We're talking about alien intelligence

here. Yours are the dolphins.

is an entire list of everyone at Point
Jason who had access to or worked with

dolphins, and that included Navy and
civilian.

Wow. Must have been some naval
engagement.

You're not kidding. I spent the entire
evening trying to keep all hands on

Rick, you're my brother.

Nine times out of ten, I trust you.

This is definitely a number ten. I'm not
going in there.

Hey, look, without this shortcut, we
could be crossing names off of this list

into the next century. Don't worry,
somebody in here will be able to

us.

Besides, you'll love it.

I'll tell you what, when you get in
there, if you get a chance, check out

men's room.

Bring tears to Hugh Hefner's eyes.

Just tell Mom to keep it simple, all
right?

Clothes, casket, a few friends, no
flowers, donations to my favorite

Which, by the way, does not... include
the Big Brothers of America.

Well, give me at least half an hour
before you come in there, all right?

Trust me.

Tall

ships

and taller women.

Another 50.

Beer, please.

Thank you.

Last two left -handed.

Time to abandon ship, Otto.

You asked me to play, remember?

I know I rubbed it in a little bit, but
no hard feelings, okay?

Otto, Otto, Otto.

No hard feelings?

Anybody beats Otto.

He's a great player.

Vodka, please.

Two glasses.

We're salvaging this wreck off the Cape,
right?

And we're right in the middle of this
blue streak Force 10 gale.

Keep your money in your pocket. I'm
taking care of this.

There you go, partner.

You keep the change, all right? Thank
you, buddy.

Well, let's see. Where was I? Yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Anyhow, I'm downstairs playing tag with
a bunch of great whites.

And we're looking for this little Greek
beauty. Went down with all hands back in

35. Well, we spot her.

She's just nestled down there sleeping
in a ton of mud and barnacles, right?

Me and this other fella, a little
Colombian dude named Jesus.

Like another beer.

Sure. And if you can come up with a
chaser, you can keep the change.

You want some information, buddy?

Go to the public library.

Anyway,

we finally spot the purser's office.

Now, it's all beginning to look
worthwhile, because there's the safe

sitting there like sleeping beauty,
right?

So I go over and I start the torch.

Now, Jesus, meanwhile, is over there
behind me, crossing himself like it's

Saints Day.

Anyhow, I can smell the gold in there.
Finally, I get the lid off of that

And what do you think is staring me in
the face?

What? A moray eel about the size of
Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he's just

grinning from ear to ear.

What are you looking at, sweetheart?

That was a highly diverting story.

Highly diverting story. That's right.

Couldn't help but overhearing. You're a
diver, are you? No, no, no, no. I'm with

the water ballet.

Well, I'm fishing for a name.

And if you can come up with the catch of
the day, there's a hundred in it for

you. You got a fishing license?

I certainly do.

Nautilus Maritime Insurance.

We're investigating a little salvage
fraud.

Yeah?

I'll tell you what, buddy.

You keep looking for this guy, and
you're going to wind up with a one -way

ticket to the Bermuda Triangle.

I think you know him.

Name your price.

Okay.

Leaving! Leaving!

That was just swell.

This one's on Gibson, buddy.

Yeah, yeah, Gibby and I go back a long
way.

I hadn't seen him in, oh, over a year.

You still working for the Navy up there
at Point Jason?

The last I heard, he was working for
Merritt Salvage on Harbor Island.

Yeah, yeah, that's right, Merritt
Salvage.

Oh, Gibson, he's one hell of a diver,
I'll tell you that.

Saved my wetsuit once working this Dutch
freighter off of the coast of New

Guinea. I tell you what, you run into
him, you tell him the torch said hello.

Sure will, buddy.

All right, guys, I'm shoving off. Take
care of yourself.

Yeah. It's Ernie.

Hey, you never did any diving off of New
Guinea, did you?

I have a good boy and I have a bad boy.
Which one do you want first?

Gibson. Okay.

Gibson is your good boy.

He's a decorated war veteran, ex -Navy
frogman, honorable discharge in 1977,

he worked as a consultant to Bryan
Industries as a dolphin trainer until

And at that time, he sort of... Fell off
the map.

On to Merritt.

Okay, Merritt is the one playing dirty
pool.

He slipped right through the drug
enforcement nets last year.

Seems like one of his salvage tubs was
caught.

Returning from a job in the Caribbean,
it was carrying a half ton of Colombian

greenery.

Anyway, said he knew nothing about it,
so he skated.

Marlo, come back here.

Now, Marlo, if you go for another swim,
so help me.

Oh,

somebody's going to be bad.

And I got a feeling it's going to be us.
AJ, hit the deck.

There you go, Marlo. Anytime you want to
go swimming, you just let me know,

okay? Now, you manufactured it. We want
to know who bought it.

Look, fella, I got someone from the DA's
office sitting with me right now. Do

you want to talk to me or do you want a
court order?

Okay.

It's lot number 721, serial number 732
-488.

40 % nitro? How powerful is that?

Half a city block?

Yeah.

There you go, Marlowe.

One on the house, now that we've got one
left.

Three cases?

Okay, go.

Keogh.

One to Keogh in Wilmington.

One to B &R in La Jolla.

And one to... Wait, hold on, hold on.

What was the last one again?

One to Merritt Salvage, Harbor Island.

The main house is dead. It's bound to be
a guest cottage, servant's quarters or

something.

Yeah, piece of cake. They said Merritt's
an incidental after the weekend.

Doesn't this strike you as an awfully
elaborate spread for a man who deals in

junk?

Depends on the junk.

Somebody skinny dipping?

Well, if it's a butler, I'll be upset.

Any other hand?

Maid?

Here, we'll take him out on this side.
Come on, Mike.

Over here. Come on, come on. Okay. All
right. Bring the carrier to the edge.

Now, let him swim into it. Food will
lighten.

That's it. Up a little. Easy, boy. Watch
that side now.

Easy, easy.

All right. Ready on this side. Get him
up.

Roll him slightly.

Good, Mike.

Okay, that's got it. Okay.

Going for a little swim now.

I got it.

Okay, everybody together now.

All right?

Watch him. Watch him. He's slipping.
Hold him.

Slide him this way. Come on.

Got to get him in the water.

Now where's the dolphin?

It's too late.

It's already begun its mission.

Gotta eat.

Just try, won't you, honey? Please.

All right.

Just give up, then.

And Mike's out there somewhere, headed
into the Pacific, with a half million

dollars of cocaine wrapped around his
nose.

Did the police find all the men?

No. Only Gibson and Connell for the
kidnapping.

Merritt's the big fish, and it looks
like he might get away.

They can't prove that he made the drop
for Mike to retrieve. He's got the

evidence. You know what?

I bet they never really did train him.

He was just playing along, waiting for
his chance.

For freedom.

Maybe we ought to let her go.

Not with coast guards since dawn.

Except the whole area with boats,
helicopters.

Nothing.

Hiya, Pat.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know if we're ever going
to be able to talk to you.

But if we do, I wouldn't blame you a bit
if you didn't understand this.

In your world, nobody steals or...

Goes to war, kills just for the hell of
it.

Yeah, you live in innocence and peace,
and the only thing you have to fear is

us.

That's my pal.

Yes.

Yes.

What'd you say to her?

Don't know.

There's something coming in.

Wait, I don't see anything.

She sure does.

It's Mike. I'm going to go open up the
gate.

little prophet in this.