Original subtitles

Last hour on Magnum. I don't know how you hot shots operate in California.

Rick and AJ matched wits with Thomas.

Thomas, what's that? Hot shot. A beautiful con artist.

I sometimes get very lonely. Don't you?

Sometimes. Escaped with $350 ,000.

You'd send her to the bank?

Oh, that's great. Well, how about L .A.? Because this baby just left. I am going

with you. That woman used me. She stripped me of my dignity.

Okay, Higgins, go get her. We'll take care of him.

Higgins can take care of himself.

You just take care of Catherine.

And now, continuing.

And tonight, Simon and Simon. I do believe I'm beginning to smell the rich,

aroma of a con.

And I smell a lot of money to be made here. A lot of money, am I right? I'm

at all sure this plan will work. A woman is nobody's fool, you know. So trust

us. Oh, that's a hot one. You've got to be kidding.

Hang on and duck.

There's something really nice about champagne well chilled at 30 ,000 feet.

Being served to you by this absolutely gorgeous flight attendant. How are you,

Sylvia? Thank you.

What more could you ask for?

Yeah, well, let's not count the bubbles until the cork has popped, okay? Oh,

come on, lighten up, little brother.

Now, Catherine's airplane ought to be touching down in LAX any minute now. The

FBI there to greet her and Higgins on the next flight.

Time to party.

To my brother. No, no, no. To my brother.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

We'll have you on the ground in Los Angeles in just a minute. There's going

be a slight delay getting into the terminal because of a press conference

some kind.

We're sorry for the inconvenience. Hope you had a nice flight. Looking forward

to having you fly with us again. Aha, you see? The media's already in on it.

bad. In fact, I bet they're waiting for us when we land.

Tell you what, I'll flip you for the minicams. Oh, no, you handle those.

Thank you very much. I'll take care of all the papers and the wire services.

Well, you've always been better at that.

On the other hand, if it's the network, then we sing a duet. Ah, Simon and

Simon, details at 11.

Sort of like the sound of that.

Oh, boy.

What network do you suppose they're with?

Everybody must be at the wrong gate.

Except us, of course. We seem to be at the right gate. Yes, we certainly are.

Guess the FBI just didn't want all that publicity.

Yeah.

What do you mean, a small problem?

Catherine Haley was on flight number 23 from Honolulu, and then Higgins' plane

was supposed to land ten minutes afterwards. Look, didn't any of this

Well, not exactly.

What do you mean, not exactly? What did happen exactly?

Hey, that's her. You got her.

That's not her.

You don't have her.

Thanks for telling us we've let a woman who embezzled $350 ,000 slip through our

fingers. And without a doubt, the underpinnings of her ultimate chicanery

predicated from the very beginning on the swindle of money from a charity

auction to benefit a group of needy orphans.

Are we all together on this? We've been over it before.

This tends to remind me of 28 days of unrelenting misery which I spent in a

kanji tiger cage.

All right.

You can go now. Aha!

Progress. You've managed to apprehend the two blackguards who broke into the

estate.

Wrong, Higgins.

We're on the same side.

We are?

Yes.

Well, Magnum did mention something. Higgins, they have said that you can go,

I will straighten all this out later.

After you.

And then you two came along and added even more confusion to an already foul

stew. Clearly a recipe for disaster.

Now, call Magnum. I'll collect.

What took you so bloody long?

Higgins! Where are you?

Well, I'm in the kitchen feeding the lads.

That's very commendable, but even they will have to wait. We've got a major

crisis on our hands. I know, Higgins. The police called.

We've been victimized by an incredible ruse.

Higgins! I'm at a total loss as to how she... Oh, hang on. Rick Simon, listen.

Somebody doubled Catherine and flew in her place.

I know. That's what I've been trying to tell Higgins. She brought the woman in

the ladies' room here.

At least we know where she went.

Penagua, Costa Nueva.

Oh.

That's the good news? What's the bad news?

Costa Nueva doesn't have an extradition treaty with the United States.

I'll be there as soon as I can grab a flight.

Magnum, AJ.

Look, she never saw me or Rick face to face, right? I don't think so. Why?

Because if you go after her and she runs again, you could spend the best part of

your life playing cat and mouse in South America.

However, if we go after her, she won't have her guard up.

AJ, no, no. Just a second. She won't know that she's been made and we can

her.

I don't even know you guys.

So trust us.

Oh, that's a hot one. You've got to be kidding.

All right, so don't trust us. We'll keep in touch.

Let me talk to Higgins.

Yes?

What? I understand completely.

What's the problem?

Of course.

Have you ever been to Costa Nueva?

No, why, have you?

Buenos dias, señorita.

Oh, Catherine.

What a delightful sight.

My goodness.

You certainly have gotten more physical since my last visit.

In Costa Nueva, one who runs for office must also be prepared to run from it.

Here today, Miami tomorrow.

Preparale un trago a la señorita, por favor.

I understand your latest swindle was a big success.

Now tell me, who was your happy victim this time?

Some pineapple baron? No, better than that.

An orphanage.

An orphanage?

Marvelous. There is money in orphans?

$200 ,000 in cash and another $150 ,000 in cashier's checks.

Do you think I'll have any problem cashing them?

Of course not, Katerina. We just issued a new million peseto note with my

picture. My picture looks quite impressive.

Ramon, the only presidents I bank with are Washington and Lincoln.

I understand, Katerina.

But perhaps I can guide you into an investment.

This money goes right into a safe deposit box, and that is exactly where

going to stay till I need it.

I worked very hard for this, and no one is going to take it away from me.

Not even you.

At least, allow me to ensure its safety.

I will give you Raul.

Taking with you wherever you go, he will be your personal bodyguard.

He will not allow anybody to get near you.

Anybody.

Except me, of course.

Of course, Ramon.

Benson, Henry Benson.

No, I'm not a member of the family. He's an old friend of mine.

No, no, no, not Benson.

Operando, por favor.

Benson.

Ben son.

Si, Enrique.

Hey, senor. You want to buy a lottery ticket?

You win a million. A million what?

A million pesetos.

That's about a hundred bucks. Hello.

You can buy a lot with a hundred dollars in Costa Nueva.

Cameras, radios, TVs. Damn.

Hey, you guys like animals?

Not that much we don't. Cut me off.

Wonderful country. We ought to be sending them telephones instead of M16s.

Higgins, don't turn around. Just keep on going.

Catherine's in the lobby and she's coming this way.

Tell them when the coast is clear and I'll repair to my room.

Go. Now.

I got it, senor.

You're still here? I got a special deal for both of you. Walk west where your

hat floats, kid. Get out of here. Share it in a gold mine.

Mucho oro.

What gold mine?

Beat it, will you?

Hello, Ramone.

Oh, Kennedy.

What's happening this morning?

Well,

she sure didn't waste any time getting to know the right people, did she?

That is definitely somebody with a lot of coffee beans.

Coal mine.

What's wrong with you?

I do believe I'm beginning to smell the rich, dark aroma of a con.

Hey, kid!

Yo, kid!

Whoa, look at that.

I don't like gold mines too much. What other kind of mines you got in this

country? Are you pulling my chain, man? No, what kind of mines you got? Oh, man,

we got it all. We got silver, we got copper, borax, emeralds. Emeralds,

emeralds, I like the sound.

What do you think?

I think you're crazy.

Well, I know that, but what do you think about an emerald mine?

I got it in my... Hi, guys.

You probably want... Hey, there's a curb back here.

You okay?

Hey. Up you go. Atta boy.

You okay now, huh? Yeah.

You sure?

Oh, God.

I'm going to call the American ambassador.

Good idea.

A little bit late, though.

American ambassador left 1958.

What? Yeah, but I figured out why we're in here. Remember you wrote down that

license number?

President's car. They think we're terrorists.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't worry about it. We're in Fat City here. Fat City.

Mm -hmm.

If your idea of Fat City is sitting here watching these walls sweat for

the next 20 years, then you are right. We are in Fat City right up to our

not if we use our heads.

Now, Henry's going to get us out of here. In the meantime, we haven't blown

cover, and while you were asleep, I figured out a way of nailing Catherine.

You did? Yeah. You're going to love it. I doubt it. No, you will. Listen to

this. Now, Catherine's beautiful. I mean, you've got to admit, she is an

attractive woman, right?

Probably a very good conversationalist.

Lonely.

Hungry for love.

No. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I don't know what you're thinking, but the answer is

no. Oh, come on, A .J. No, forget it. What am I worried about? We're going to

here until we're 50.

You can't find Henry. Yes, I can.

Wait a minute, wasn't Henry the guy that used to send you little packages that

arrived already opened?

Yeah, but he got out of the import -export business. I understand now that

down here and he's a legitimate journalist.

Oh, great.

That's just great.

You're never going to find him. You can't even remember what he looks like

anymore. No, no, no, no, no. A guy like Henry you don't forget, man. He's, uh,

well, he looks a lot like that guy right over there.

He is that guy right over there.

Hey, Henry.

Rick?

Yo, Haggis.

Ricky.

Rick! Ricky!

Good to see you, buddy.

Gee, what are you doing here, man? I'm looking for you. What are you doing in

jail? I'm in here all the time. Yeah? I keep getting caught by the government.

See, I've been researching this giant piece on the revolution for Rolling

I've been with the guerrillas for a year now. In the mountains.

You know, like Plimpton did with the Lions?

Yeah. And let me tell you, Super Sunday is coming real soon.

I'm glad to hear it. Is that your brother?

No, don't get up, man. Good to see you again, huh?

Uh, Henry, how can we get out of here?

Hey, man, getting out is no problem. See, what did I tell you, huh? It just

takes a lot of money.

How much money?

Half a million at least.

Oh, no.

Pistachios. Oh.

About 50 bucks.

Oh.

Henry, you've been down here too long.

What? Hello?

Hello?

Operator?

What? Hello?

Hello? What?

No, I do not want to talk to Santiago.

in Chile. I am trying to get through to San Diego in California in the USA.

I'm not at all sure this plan will work. The woman is nobody's fool, you know.

Well, she doesn't have to be. She's greedy and she's larcenous and AJ over

is going to be charming and even more larcenous. Right, AJ?

No, no, no. That's up here, right there.

There aren't any emerald mines in that part of the country. There aren't any

gorillas in that part of the country either.

What? Hello?

Hello?

Yeah, it's me.

I know. How are you?

Fine. What? How's Rip?

Yeah, he's fine, too.

How's it going?

It's good to hear your voice.

Terrific. Yes, it's good to hear your voice.

Janet?

Yes? How would you like a vacation?

What?

Hi, how are you?

You know, I was a little worried when I saw the plane and then this airport.

I was thinking, uh -huh, some vacation.

What if a guy's got me roped into this time? But I do like the car. The car is

nice. Well, actually, I'm really just here to say hello.

Rick has got other transportation for you. Here he comes right now.

Rick's going to explain everything, okay?

I've got a date with the red convertible.

I'll see you soon.

Didn't mean to cause any damage there.

Uh, hey, let's take it easy now. It's just a little fender bender.

Hold it, Raul.

Thank you.

I think you just saved my life.

Temporarily. He can kill you as soon as I get your address and phone number.

And the name of your insurance company.

Oh, hey, come on.

There's no need to report this to the police, do you?

I have a friend who does great body work.

You don't do your own body work?

Not on cars.

But I'll get yours fixed.

24 hours, as good as new.

Is there some reason you don't want me to report this to the police?

No, you know, just red tape, that's all.

If I agree to this, and that car is not as good as new, you're in big trouble.

It'll be better than new.

Tell you what.

Let's meet at the Playa Real at 11 o 'clock and work out all the details,

At 11.

You have just picked a very expensive way to get here.

Drive carefully.

Guess what, AJ? I got through to Daddy in Texas and I told him to come on down

here. It's so beautiful. I told him about that beautiful stretch of beach

there. What's the matter, darling?

Well, now, I know I told you we'd go into town, but I've got a little

have to take care of first.

Business? Just a little bitty business. Now, you go on by yourself.

All alone?

Just for a few little bitty minutes.

Little bitty minutes?

Little bitty minutes.

Better be bitty. Okay.

Love you.

Yes.

Can I get you a fresh drink?

Oh, no. I wouldn't want you to make business with pleasure, now would I?

Or keep Debbie from Dallas waiting.

It's Janet from Houston.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I just had the wrong idea, apparently.

I'm sorry.

About the car.

I'm sorry about that, too.

Give me the keys. I'll get it fixed. I'll bring it back to you tomorrow.

Hey, that car's worth $50 ,000 down here. Now, what on earth makes you think

going to turn it over to you?

a perfect stranger.

I want some protection.

What do you mean by protection?

I mean collateral.

Either that or I call the police here.

Oh, come on. I don't go around with $50 ,000 on me, you know?

That's not my problem, is it?

Well, what would be acceptable to you as collateral?

Anything I can turn into instant cash just in case you drive off with my car

I never see you again.

You're causing me a lot of trouble.

You should have thought about that out on the highway, shouldn't you?

Mm -hmm.

All right.

Wait here. I'll be right back.

Is that real?

Of course it's real.

What do you think I am?

If you'd allow me.

Genuine.

It's working.

She's falling for it. You got the emerald for me? Just now.

Wow.

You've got me in a bind, so I'm going to trust you with something that's worth

about three times what your car cost me.

What is it?

But first you have to promise me something.

You have to promise that you will not show this to anyone.

Not even your friend over there.

You promise?

Maybe.

It's beautiful.

Where did you get this?

Oh, I'm not going to tell you that.

I have to promise you won't show it to anyone.

You swear?

You can count on me.

You were right.

She took it to the jewelry store and gave it to the jeweler.

And she said we could trust her.

Well, we can.

I'd be greedy and larcenous.

I'm beginning to have more faith in this scheme.

Now, timing is critical from this point on. It's imperative she contact you

again and quickly. She will. When she does, we must have pinpoint

Rather like a military campaign, actually.

Reminds me of the Dutch -African business.

Must be the climate.

Cheers. Cheers.

Well,

I got your message. You wanted to see me. Why here?

I thought it would be a nice place for us to have a nice, quiet, private little

talk. Okay.

Talk.

I got your emerald appraised.

What? You swore!

You swore to me. The one thing I asked you not to do was to show it to someone.

I told you you could count on me, and you can.

I didn't tell the jeweler where I got it.

Did he ask? Of course he asked. He was very curious. As a matter of fact, he

informed me that emerald mining is controlled in this country.

And he didn't think that stone looked like it came from a government mine.

Oh, you stupid woman. You have ruined everything.

I haven't ruined anything.

I told him I got it in New York, and he believed me.

I can be very convincing.

Now, all I have to do is just convince you to tell me where you really got it.

A .J., maybe I haven't mentioned it yet, but I'm a very good businesswoman.

And I smell a lot of money to be made here. A lot of money. Am I right?

I think you're on to an emerald mine.

And for some reason, you don't want the government to know where it is.

Not till I own it.

Maybe I could help.

I wish you could.

Some other time, some other place, maybe, but not now.

Why not?

Because I'm buying it with Janet's money.

Well, Janet's daddy's money.

Janet and I are engaged to be married.

Do you love her?

All right.

How much money are we talking about?

$400 ,000 in cash.

But when I sell it to the government, it'll be worth $2 million.

I want in on this.

But you can't.

Don't you understand? If Janet gets jealous, she'll go home to Daddy, and

the whole deal's off.

Well, the way I see it, you don't have a whole lot of choice.

As a matter of fact, the way I see it, I'm already kind of a partner in this.

Because if I say anything to El Presidente about you, your deal is off.

Now, I don't intend to say anything to him, but I think I should get something

in return.

What?

Why don't we talk about it later?

I can't be seen with you. You'll arrange something.

You seem to be very good at putting Debbie from Dallas...

On hold.

All right.

I'll buy you dinner in my room.

But it has to be early. Say, six o 'clock?

What's the matter? Something's gone wrong?

No, nothing's happened. Everything's fine.

Just having dinner in my room at six.

I just don't like this very much. I'm starting to enjoy her conversation.

Look, if I could, I'd take over for you.

Buck up.

Almost over. There's the boy.

Now, dinner at 6.

How long do you think it will take you to make her sufficiently, shall we say,

compromise for Janet to burst into the room?

Well, I don't really have much of an appetite, so I think 6 .30 would be just

fine. Excellent, 6 .30.

You'll be on the balcony outside the bedroom.

When your brother signals with his glass, you relay the signal to Janet,

will then enter the room, see her fiancé in the arms of another woman, promptly

pack her bags and flee back home to Daddy in Texas, thereby leaving the

clear for Kath and Haley to finance the purchase of the mine.

I suggest we get started. We have less than an hour.

Synchronize, please.

Time?

Five -ten.

On the mark.

I gotta go get ready.

Yes, I'm Janet Fowler. What is it? Usted está detenida. Under arrest. Wait,

wait. What are you talking about, arrest? I am an American citizen. You

that.

To

the

right time and place.

Vintage champagne is good for the soul.

Good nose.

When my men informed you you were under arrest, I hope they mention it was mere

house arrest.

My house.

Come with me, Senorita, please.

Come.

Light on the palate with just a touch of impertinence.

It's too impertinent.

agent.

Political prisoners.

Tell me something, Rita.

Was the dessert to your taste?

Yes, it was fine, thank you.

I can hardly wait to taste mine.

One moment, please.

So I can sleep into something more comfortable.

One moment.

Whatever makes you happy.

I hope so.

Fingerball, senorita? No, thank you. Oh, man, what are you doing here?

Senor Rick is outside.

He asked if you remember his friend Marlo.

Marlo is his dog, yes. Why?

He says when it gets hot out, the bugs start to bite.

Marlo can't sleep. Senor Rick, he gives him these.

See, Marlo's a very big dog.

Almost as big as El Presidente.

You slip him a couple of these.

Give him a few hours of sleep, and then we come and get you out.

No.

No? El Presidente said if I really wanted to leave, I could.

And now that I have these as protection, why should I want to?

I kind of like it here.

I tell you what, you tell Senor Rick that if he needs me, he can call me,

Okay.

And well, thanks anyway.

Catherine?

Yes, si.

Senorita Fowler.

Reminds me of an assault we once made up the Khyber.

Ruddy fighters, those Afghans. Got their teeth in you and never let go.

Good dogs, too.

Janet Fowler.

Si. Gracias.

You mind explaining to me what happened to you last night?

Huh? I gave you the signal.

I kept giving you the signal until I ran out of glasses.

Catherine gave a few signals of her own, I'm afraid.

El Presidente had Janet arrested.

What? Don't worry about it. She's okay. Yeah.

Getting a massage.

Who, Janet?

All right, then let me speak to El Presidente.

Still asleep, is he?

That's nice.

All right, thanks a lot.

You told Janet she was coming down here for a vacation?

She's having one.

And did you have a fun time last night?

You weren't out there all night, were you?

Rick? The only spectator sport I enjoy is football.

And I nearly busted my neck getting off of that balcony last night. It wasn't

exactly a picnic for me, either. Oh, gee.

Gentlemen, this is hardly the time for petty sibling bickering.

By arranging Janet's arrest, Catherine has actually done most of our work for

us. We're precisely the point in the scheme where we want to be.

And after last night's, shall we say, skillful establishment of the beachhead,

believe the hound is ready to corner the fox.

You're really something, you know that?

I just found out that Janet is no longer a guest at this hotel.

Well, you're not only cute, you're smart.

And thanks to you, I'm also probably dead.

Listen, Catherine.

I didn't tell you why I've been keeping this mine a secret from the government.

I am buying the mine from the guerrillas.

They need cash for weapons. That is why I'm getting such a good price.

From the guerrillas? Yes.

One of them is coming into town this morning at 10 o 'clock. He wants to see

cash. Now you have got to get Janet out of the palace.

Immediately.

Enrique is risking his life coming to this meeting. If I don't have the money,

he will blow my head off.

Can you delay this meeting till 10 .30?

Sure. Sure. You'll be glad to torture me for an extra half hour and then blow my

head off.

Honey, the banks don't open until 10 o 'clock. That's why I need till 10 .30.

You have the money?

I mean, American dollars?

Why do you think I wanted to be your partner?

You see, you don't need Debbie from Dallas anymore.

Partner.

Is that you?

Yes.

Hey, oh, no, no, don't.

Nobody's going to shoot.

Tell

them

I want to see the deed and the uncut stones.

See, it's all right.

I speak imperialist.

We go out to the mine.

No.

First, I take the money back to the bank.

Then we go out to the mine.

Okay.

This afternoon.

After lunch.

Gentlemen.

What was all that about?

Nothing. I just changed my mind.

Why don't you get in?

I slept like a tree last night.

Good. And you, my dear?

Like a tree.

Good.

By the way, did we...

enjoyed ourselves last night.

Now, are you going to tell me that you don't remember that?

Yes, but not clearly.

It was wonderful.

Really?

Good.

Yeah.

What are you doing with the map?

Oh, uh, I was looking up here at the northern section of the country. You

I think that might be a good place to go for a picnic.

A picnic?

Uh -huh.

Very funny.

Funny? Of course.

You haven't heard the latest news about the guerrillas.

No. My aide just woke me up to tell me all about it.

The traitors.

The traitors moved into the north last night.

They have taken control of all the territory here. They control all the

territory next to Anador's border.

Oh, gee, Janet, nice of you to take the time to call.

Never mind that. I've got to talk to you.

Janet?

Janet, I can barely hear you.

Real gorillas. Hello?

Janet, I can't hear a word you're saying. Listen, I'll talk to you later,

sweetheart, okay? I've got to go. Bye -bye.

Hello?

Rick, did you hear what I said?

Enrique?

Stop the jeep.

Oh, boy. We got problems.

Well, those are government troops. Aren't you forgetting something? I'm

good friends with El President.

Catherine, Enrique is a guerrilla leader.

He's known throughout the country. They will shoot him on sight. They will

probably shoot us on sight, too.

Oh,

boy. What are we going to do?

There's only one thing we can do, and that's make a run for it.

Hang on and duck.

Watch out!

Come on, man, let's go. We're losing them. Now, take

it easy. Don't forget, Raul's firing real bullets.

I said it was live, M .O. Don't get so close.

Are

we

over the border yet?

I don't know. It isn't marked. I can't be sure. We gotta be sure. Let's keep

going. All right.

Any idea where we are?

Yeah, we know where we are.

Uh, don't do that, Raul.

Manos arriba!

No, no, no, no, no. No, Catherine.

Come on.

I don't want you to do anything that we both might regret later.

Like killing me.

AJ,

what's going on?

I'm sorry.

This time you've been set up.

Oh, you really are good.

There's no mine, is there?

And Debbie from Dallas?

Janet, San Diego.

You know, you've forgotten one little thing, though. All they're going to do

just give me a ride right back to the president's house.

I've got to get out of jail free card here.

We are still in Costa Nueva, remember?

No.

Well, it's not marked, but we crossed the border quite a ways back.

Welcome to Anador.

And they do have an expedition treaty here with the United States.

Rick should have been here by now

I'll

go look No

Don't be on the ground, man. Come here.

Gracias.

me I could have picked up the airport.

And we arrived quite early this morning, and I felt it wiser to let sleeping

dogs lie, as twere.

I heard everything went all right.

Yes, Carlton's arraignment is this afternoon.

Good. Rick and A .J. Simon will also be there. Perhaps you can give... They're

here? Well, of course. The prosecutor subpoenaed them as witnesses. Nice

actually. Hey, Higgins, I just changed the linens yesterday.

Yes, I'm sure you did.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

The state provides accommodation for its witnesses.

But a one -star hotel is hardly adequate recompense for such stellar witnesses.

Especially when they're the ones who saved your little stars.

Hey, Magnum, how you doing? Hi, guys.

Hello, Magnum. How's the shoulder?

Oh, it's fine.

Spare keys so you can come and go freely.

Terrific. Thank you.

Here are any additional linens. Magnum knows where everything is. Oh, listen, I

did take the liberty of rearranging the stuff in your closet. We need some more

rum. Yeah, you never know how long these court cases are going to drag on.

That's true.

Hey, remember that embezzlement case in Fresno? Oh, boy, we were stuck there for

three months. Can you imagine?