All language subtitles for Simon & Simon s01e13 Tanks for the Memories

Big fatality.

Are you James T. Reedy?

You talking to me?

If you're James T. Reedy, I am.

AJ, I'm proud of you.

That is without a doubt the greatest
driving that I have seen since Ben

-Hur.

Just glorious.

Did we lose them?

Piece of cake.

There was only half of them left after
you did the 360 on the bridge and you

ditched them when you went on the off
-ramp.

What?

One for you.

Hi,

Rick. Lynn.

I've still got those jeans you left at
my place.

You know, the ones you ripped falling
off the mechanical bull down at

When are you going to drop by?

Drop by?

Have you got pop in a bottle?

If I ever find that kid, I'm going to
take his pop bottle and... Richard and

Andrew Simon, this is Mrs. Bartlett, and
I want to see you in my room after

school today.

Richard!

Richard! You know smoking is not
allowed.

I'm taking you to the principal's office
right now. You come with me, young man.

I'll call your mother and father. I'm
going to straighten you out if it's the

last thing I ever do.

Richard, you must do your homework.

Richard, your grades are just about
failing.

Richard, you must discipline yourself
and become a meaningful part of society.

Of which I'm the faculty supervisor.

Rick?

Yo.

Earth to Rick.

What's the statute of limitations on
bathroom smoking?

What?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

The funniest thing is probably just the
jalapenos I had with lunch, but I could

have sworn we just had a message from
Mrs. Bartlett.

Yeah, we did.

Don't, don't, no, don't.

This is Mrs. Bartlett, and I want to see
you in my room after school today, if

that's convenient for you.

It has to do with the 60s class reunion
committee, of which I'm the faculty

supervisor. What are you doing?

Whoa.

Dr. Berry doesn't live here anymore.

I'll say.

It's really pretty easy. You just give a
little shot here on the left, and then

another one right over here on the
right, and you give a little kick like

and it just pops right open.

That's me.

Hey, it's him.

We've read all about you.

Wow, you're everywhere. Count to your
table.

He's a legend.

Andrew! This is Bartlett.

My best little debater. Oh, it's good to
see you again.

You haven't changed a bit.

Well, most of my kids keep me young,
despite those who try their best to age

prematurely.

Hello, Richard.

Thank you both for coming. Come right
in.

And now I'll give you the reason.

We have here what I believe you in your
trade called missing persons.

And since we're fortunate enough to
count San Diego's most prestigious

investigators among our alumni, we'd
like you to find them before the

Well, Sharon Williams shouldn't be too
tough.

Start with the 61 varsity football team
and work your way backward.

Do you think you'll be able to do it?

Well, Mrs. Bartlett, as a matter of
fact, we successfully concluded another

just this morning.

So I think we'll be able to give this
priority over all the others that we

stacked up.

After all, it is the old school.

Wonderful! Thank you both for
volunteering.

Everyone's been so good about giving
freely of their time and services.

Now, Roland Weary's restaurant is
catering at cost.

Well, on the other hand, I'm sure I
could donate a few hours to track down a

people.

That's the spirit.

Of course, you will help your brother.

Well, gee, Mrs. B., I'd love to, you
know, but, boy, somebody's got to keep

agency afloat. And I'll tell you what
I'll do. A .J., I'll take care of all

office work. Richard!

Ma 'am.

Do you see this?

Yes, ma 'am.

I made notes on some of your, shall we
say, extracurricular activities during

your years here.

I figure they might come in handy
someday.

I went into some detail on your senior
year, if you follow me.

Uh, Mrs.

Bartlett, that's blackmail.

Besides, what are the police going to
care about what some juvenile delinquent

did 20 years ago?

The police?

I think you'd better see to whom it's
addressed.

Here are the rest of the yearbooks.

I found them buried in the attic under
four pounds of dust and a ton of

memories.

I think it's very nice that you're
helping out Mrs. Bartlett.

I haven't talked to her in years. How is
she?

Well, in actual fact, Mom, I think she's
getting to be a little bit senile, you

know. I mean, she's obviously confusing
me with somebody else, and it's kind of

sad. So just keep it in mind if you ever
happen to bump into her, okay?

And how did they rope you into the time
tunnel?

Are you kidding? I would not miss seeing
these pictures for anything in the

world. You've got to see this one.
You've got to see this one.

Look at Rick's flat top. You could have
landed a 747 on that.

Wait a minute. What does it say here?

Dear Rick, happy graduation. I'll never
forget all those times you forged our

hall passes and... Can we go? No,
there's more. And we snuck into the

lab to do some extra studying.

Ha ha.

And the night you showed me the
wrestling room?

I'm just happy you passed chemistry.

Hey, you think Doug Sullivan would have
been the first person to respond to your

class reunion?

He's your senior class president.

Just off the ballot box.

Captain of the championship basketball
team.

Yeah, in the weakest year in conference
history.

ROTC? Chicken neck little tin soldier.

Stole Jenny Edwards from you. Hey, hey,
hey, I broke up with her.

Well, maybe we ought to hear his side of
it.

Yeah, we'll try it. Leave it under the
door.

Hey! What?

Weird. The manager said he still lived
here.

Wait till old lady Bartlett finds out
her precious Dougie's a deadbeat.

Nah.

He skipped out on the rent.

Did you ever hear of a phone company
disconnecting a phone like this?

Probably stiff them, too.

Hey,

Jay.

Take a look at this.

Stocking up for the winter.

Whoa, wait!

Take it easy, pal. Now, we're just here
to find Doug Sullivan to invite him to a

high school reunion.

That's the invitation right there.

to attend the reunion, I want you to
know you are the one person in my life

has supplied me with the tools and given
me the courage to survive in a world

gone mad.

You'll never know how much I appreciate
all those times you let me clean your

erasers. I wouldn't mind cleaning a few
for you right now, but I guess I'm

beyond that.

Love, Douglas.

Cleaning your erasers?

It was a little signal we had.

Doug was too proud to ask for extra help
with his schoolwork.

So you mean Mr. National Honor Society
needed tutoring?

The door was open to you too, Richard.

Only you never asked.

I owe you both an apology.

Doug's letter was a cry for help.

And I should have been honest with you
from the beginning.

Yeah? After I received it, I tried
calling him.

His phone was out of service.

He had no family to be concerned about
him. So I put his name on that list I

gave you. You should have reported his
disappearance to the police.

I did.

They put his name on their list.

But they said they couldn't do much
about it. But you can.

I'm not asking you to volunteer.

This time I'm hiring you.

No, you're not.

Your money's no good with us.

Besides which, you probably couldn't
afford our rates, not on a teacher's

salary. And it might just surprise you
to hear that I did learn something while

I was here, only it didn't come from
you.

It came from Coach Kaminsky.

I learned how not to quit.

And we're going to find Doug Sullivan
for you on the house. Come on, A .J.

I think what he's trying to say is we
take the case.

No, it was on his right... right?

Yeah. Yeah, on his right forearm.

A fire -breathing dragon clutching a
sword.

Uh, no, that's all we could get.

So if you could cross -reference that on
your arrest records.

Great.

Maxine, you are a doll.

I'd be thrilled to take you to the
police benefit ball.

Oh, great. Sure, get one more. We'll fix
her up with Rick.

Oh, he loves lady vice officers.

Thank you, Maxine.

We'll see you then.

You're getting good with us.

You want to see how good I'm getting
with these?

Come on.

She says Bertha has a great personality.

Bertha?

Come on.

Let's check out the place where Doug got
this stuff.

I'll tell you, Ansel and Gretel left an
easier trail.

I just hope Doug Sullivan is still
alive.

Because when we find him, I'm going to
kill him.

means 7 -Eleven.

Thunder, pull back.

Can I help you?

We're just browsing.

Don't worry. He only attacks commies and
cowards. Yeah.

Now, what can I do for you? I got a
special on some freeze -dried turkey

thing. Oh, thank you. We just wanted to
ask a few questions.

Sure. You obviously don't know nothing
about survival. Look at the shape you're

in. I mean, you need to start thinking
about where you'll be when they turn out

the lights.

Uh, well, we're, uh, looking for an old
buddy of ours, a guy named Doug

Sullivan.

Look, we're not real big on names here,
mister.

Uh, no, yeah, neither are we.

Just that Doug said he might be
interested in joining this little, uh,

that we're establishing in this area.

Yeah, a bunch of old service buddies
we're getting together to form this

uh, agrarian society, if you follow me.

And we're gonna need a lot of stuff,
because we're starting from scratch.

Why didn't you say so?

Yeah, Doug's a regular here. Good guy.

You know, he was ready for the big one.
Yeah. It's funny he told you guys he was

interested in joining your group.

Why is that?

Because he's already hooked up with
another outfit.

A real serious outfit.

A bunch of them came in here with him
once.

Ex -Rangers is my guess.

I mean, when we're all ducking fallout,
I wouldn't want to try borrowing

firewood from these guys, you know?

Yeah.

They set up somewhere in this area?

Yeah, up in the mountains somewhere.

I think I heard Doug say they had some
land. Great. We'll look them up. Thank

you. Hey, how about a freeze -dried
sandwich?

I'll heat it up for you in the mic.
That's okay. We'll just come back when

ready to stock up. Look, I wouldn't wait
too long. No.

You don't want to wake up tomorrow and
find yourself glowing. No, I wouldn't

want to do that. We'll keep that in
mind. Absolutely. Listen, I got a

armor -plated RVs. They get lousy
mileage, but by then there won't be any

anyway.

That's right. Well, we'll see you later.

Would you mind telling me why you
hustled us out of there? That guy was

just beginning to talk.

Yeah, but we got an appointment with
Gerald. He's going to meet us at the

in half an hour.

We better beat him there.

Gerald is one man I do not like to keep
waiting.

recent events that is not amusing oh if
you guys come by my dojo more often you

wouldn't get as much sand kicked in your
face this week

it's not sand two more of those where
that came from what do you

think shurikens and japanese throwing
stars are very common these days you

you can even get them out of the ads in
the macho magazines but this is special

tempered steel nice design and weight

This isn't farm team, boys.

This is Major League.

Yeah, well, we would like to find out
what franchise this guy played for.

Was he an Oriental?

Who knows?

He wore a mask and came through like a
tornado.

He had a tattoo on his right forearm.

A fire -breathing dragon with a sword in
its claws. You know anybody like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a guy a couple of years back.

He was in competition.

I never fought him, but I heard about
him.

Ex -Green Beret, I think.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, Maxine, you got anything?

A firearms violation in 1965 for Paul
Stark?

Oh, Maxine, you are wonderful.

Listen, what's the most recent paperwork
on him? Also, any location?

What?

He was?

In 1979? That's from the FBI?

Okay. Right, well, thank you very much
anyway, Maxine.

And we'll see you guys next week.

Bye -bye.

His name was Paul Stark.

What do you mean, was?

He was killed fighting as a mercenary in
Rhodesia, 1979.

I tell you what, let me do all the
talking, and you just sit there and look

the minute, okay?

You sure about this place?

Well, I've heard about it for years.
It's kind of a club for soldiers of

fortune. You know, a guy walks in the
front door and then out the back to

or South America or something like that.

Stand by.

Best damn warrior I ever served with.

Paul Stark.

You'll doff your hat when you speak of
the dead.

You know damn well Paul Stark never took
his hat off in his life.

Except to smooth a woman or to fill it
with gold.

That was Paul, wasn't it, lad? You knew
him well, didn't you?

And I'll buy a drink for any man who
fought with the likes of him.

How's that, eh? Better keep doubles for
me mates here, and I'll have a little

tattle for myself if you don't mind.

Just got it.

Paul...

And here comes Matt McGinnis after that,
and he whips up, and what he does is he

sprays the bush with hot lead for a good
five minutes.

Now, when a small stealth and everything
quiets down, out from the

bush comes this one tiny little zebra.

Have you ever had fresh zebra?

No, I can't say. Well, it's not too bad
with barbecue sauce.

What would you say if I was to tell you
that I, thank you, saw Paul Stark

last week alive as well?

Paul Stark?

Mm -hmm.

They meet me outside in a half an hour.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Steady as she goes there.

Lady Bartlett owes us an A -plus for
that.

to talk about Paul Stark, right?

Actually, there isn't that much to talk
about yet.

Get in.

Getting in.

Now, you're never going to hold this.
This is so funny. See, we were trying to

find this guy.

We went behind him.

You don't start giving

us some answers.

We're going to send you down the hall
where the questions get tougher.

Now, what do you know about Paul Stark?

Now, for the hundredth time, some yo -yo
with a dragon tattooed on his right arm

jumped us while we were looking for Doug
Sullivan to invite him to our high

school reunion.

High school reunion.

Must be some kind of code.

I'll put the crypto boys on it right
away.

I'll make it priority alpha. I can't
hold off much longer.

If Vincent doesn't get back in contact
with us, that means I have to assume

been made.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that maybe these two guys
might be telling us the truth.

It's just a high school reunion, that's
all.

Sure. Keep it up, and you're going to
have a nice little reunion at

Hey, look, don't pull that G -man jive
with me, man.

We know our rights, and from the way
you've been playing with them, you're

to be the one doing time.

Entrapment?

Deprivation of civil liberties?

Look, fellas, I think we can talk to
you. You seem reasonable.

Now,

Sarge, I just had a little talk with
Uncle Sugar. He seems to think we can

a nice sweet little deal with you boys
if you want to rock and roll with us on

this one.

Oh, I'd love to boogie with the FBI, but
it's the truth.

Well, you know, that's all we're looking
for, fellas. It's a little more

honesty, that's all, you know.

Maybe you could tell us a little bit
about the Vargas mission.

Like who's in charge of it.

Who, what?

Who's your contact?

You think we ought to tell them about
her?

Only if they promise to bring her down
here.

You give us her name, we'll have her
here in ten minutes.

Dorothy Bartlett.

Where do we find her?

Homeroom.

Mr. Hoover would turn over in his grave
if he knew that his agents were

spiriting away helpless old ladies and
subjecting them to strip searches.

Mrs. Bartlett, we don't know anything
about a Doug Sullivan, missing or not.

of our own cases we're working on.

Underachievers only do what they're
assigned.

Never read ahead.

Wouldn't dare tackle another problem.

Well, let me tell you something.

Those who only color inside the line end
up with a very dull picture.

Richard, Andrew.

Now, can you do me a favor, will you?

For your own sake.

You happen to stumble on a shipment of
Harrison M -21s. You give me a call,

It may keep you alive.

Look, you go to the bench and order up a
nat security freeze.

Better take them out of the game.

No, I want those two to operate freely.

We're lucky they stumbled on the board.
It's like getting two free pawns.

Do it. He's a friend.

Lynn, you shouldn't feel so bad about
asking him a couple of lousy questions.

What are friends for?

Look, it's not like we're asking for
classified information.

All we want him to do is to go through
Army records and see if anybody named

Vargas ever served with Paul Stark.

Oh, also ask him if he knows anything
about some stolen Harrison M -21s. And

that name, Vargas, that might not be a
person that could be, you know, like a

military code for some kind of
operation.

Maybe your friend has a good security
clearance.

I don't know. What Harrison M... M what?
Oh, M -21s. It's an anti -tank weapon,

very popular in the international arms
market. And the name is Vargith. I mean,

as long as the FBI gave us the key, we
may as well find the door, right?

I'll be happy to show you.

You know, it's a little too early for
this.

Oh, you want us to come back a little
later?

It'll still be a little too early.

Is business that bad, or are you just
trying to scare mine away?

Uh, Myron.

It just so happens we are working
undercover on a very important missing

case. Oh, yeah.

It's nice to hear you guys are back in
high school.

Will you let me know if you need some
help with your homework?

Janet, I won't be back after lunch or
playing golf at Mission Bay.

Okay. You'll call your Army friend,
please?

Do you know the context that I am just
burning out for this stupid reunion?

not even my reunion, A .J.

All right. Thank you.

Greg, it's all right. I said we'd do it.

Maps.

Maps? What, did they use shock treatment
last night?

We're going to need maps of the
foothills and the mountains, but

mountains.

Maps, of course.

We thank Marvin for helping us with our
homework. Look, it's not the Vargas

mission. It's the Mission Vargas. See,
it's not a person or a code. It's a

place. It's the Mission Vargas, not
Vargas. Got it? Bye.

Bye.

What would a place go to survive?

Smartest place to be.

Who'd want to nuke this?

You know, it may be smart for them to be
out here, but it's crazy for us.

I mean, suppose we do find Doug
Sullivan's new classmates. What are we

do with them?

Don't worry about it. We'll just follow
the advice of an old buddy of mine.

Two things in this world you need to
survive.

Ice water in your veins and insanity in
your brain.

Great.

Where's that old buddy now?

Making ashtrays in the state hospital.

Listen, maybe you can help us with some
directions.

Well, we only got four around here.

Well, we're looking for some friends of
ours. They own a little land around

here. Yeah?

What do they grow?

Real mean after a few beers.

A soldier named Paul Stark.

Ring any bells with you?

So you're friends he is, huh?

We want to do a little business with
him.

Okay.

Take route for about an hour out of
here, and you didn't hear it from me got

from who?

Be 12 bucks even Thanks,

thanks for the service

I can't believe everything that we...

I

guess survival looks like big on long
driveways. Well, it discourages door

salesmen.

You know, I can't figure out why someone
like Doug Sullivan would get mixed up

in all this.

Serves him right for snaking Jenny
Edwards away from him.

I was going to dump her anyway.

Hey, did you see something move out
there?

Would you take it easy? It's a little
early for paranoia.

Early, huh?

What the hell are these guys doing out
here?

I don't know, but I get the feeling
they're not baking bread and raising

What do we do now, Mr. Icewater?

Get the wagon in a circle.

Gentlemen, welcome to Base Camp
Wasteland.

Now, what can we do for you?

What was that?

I can't hear you.

Introduce myself.

Colonel Paul Stark.

But you can call me sir.

Well, now, don't just kneel there.

Get up, son. Get up.

Well, you see, Colonel, in our line of
work, we don't much like uninvited

either. But as you can well imagine,
it's... Not the easiest thing to solicit

over the telephone.

I mean, you don't exactly pick up the
phone and dial a toll -free number and

order 80 ,000 rounds of 9mm ammunition,
do you?

Which we are prepared to deliver one
week from order, no questions asked.

Or perhaps you would like to hear about
our new line of submachine guns. Now,

we've got Ingrams, we've got Uzis, we've
got Sterlings.

fresh, ready for delivery.

And if you want a small insurrection,
you got it. You want to throw a bigger

party, it's yours. No problem.

Now, why don't you tell the colonel
about this month's special?

Of course.

For the assault force that has
everything, two brand new Harrison M -21

-tank devices.

And we're prepared to throw in 80 rounds
of...

H -E -M -O for you, sir, because you're
a patriot.

That's a little game we played when
things got slow at Firebase, Charlie.

Now, don't let me interrupt you.

Yes, well, how are you fixed for
grenades? Now, we've got frags.

Concussion, percussion, smoke.

And if you buy right now, you can take
advantage of our two -for -one on 50

yards of Garrett wire.

Of course, all our products are fully
backed by our personal exclusive

guarantee. However,

all sales are final.

As we all know, fire means power.

Oh, yeah.

Put those two together.

Firepower!

Uh -huh. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The logic of it is so clear.

So pristine.

Peace.

That's the only way for all of us, any
of us.

Well, why don't we give you some time to
think about it? I'll say about a week,

and then we'll come back. Think about
it?

I don't need to think about it.

Very effective sales presentation.

You gentlemen will leave and return
tomorrow. We'll have an order for you

Oh, that's terrific.

Show these men to their accommodations.

Now, that's very hospitable of you,
Colonel, but we just checked in. We

want to impose or anything. Fire!

It's trouble, you know. We could just
jump right back in our truck and, uh...

Where's the truck? We're gonna wash it
for you. Oh, thank you. Uh, you got a

phone anywhere around? I'd like to make
a few calls. There's a phone in the

guest tent.

Oh, plush accommodations.

I can see that right now. Thank you.

Collect call from Rod Serling.

We're in great shape.

Oh, yeah.

That's what the guy said standing around
the piano bar on the Hindenburg.

Hey, look, we're in. They bought our
cover.

As soon as it gets dark, we recon the
joint. We find Doug Sullivan.

And then what?

We all go out and share a few laughs
with Colonel Stark raving mad out there

skip merrily along home? I'll tell you,
we are so far upstream, Rick, the last

salmon we saw was waving goodbye.

AJ, you better find a place to park it
and sit down. Now, you're beginning to

lose it.

You want to wind up like Colonel
Crackpot out there.

You talk about flying with an empty
gunship.

That sucker must have sat in on one air
strike too many. I mean, what movie is

he watching anyway, man? From here to
insanity?

Rick. And that stuff about peace through
firepower. I mean, there is no question

about it. That guy is AWOL, absolute
wacko lunatic. Of course, he's crazy

fox. As a matter of fact, he's probably
listening to us right now. And I was

only kidding about that, you know,
because all great leaders have a

sense of humor.

How's that for a punchline, maggot?

Oh, you're going to get to love my sense
of humor, all right.

Because we're going to sit up all night
telling jokes.

I'm going to find out how funny you guys
really are.

Take him to the penthouse

Doug

Sullivan

Hallucination is the first sign of
insanity.

Are you real?

Sullivan dead.

You're the one that taught me to keeping
him alive.

You promised General Sanchez 40
commandos and you need every man you've

I don't need cowards like Sullivan.

He didn't know what he was getting into.

What does he think we're training for
here?

A high school football game?

Man, we are spearheading a military
coup.

The general's not going to like you
pushing up the dump off.

We may not be able to get air cover for
the landing.

Just get on the horn to San Leon and
tell them to change the landing zone.

We mount up and head south.

Tomorrow morning.

What are we going to do about Sullivan
and our new guests?

Call an airstrike on them at dawn.

All three of them.

How does it feel to be voted guy most
likely to die?

How the hell did you get here, man? You
had it made. You could have played

varsity for life.

You know what it's like to reach the
high point of your life when you're 18

years old?

I was on top.

looking for something to feel good
about.

I wanted to make the team any team.

When I ran into this group, they were
talking inner strength, self

-reliance.

I needed to prove myself to guys who'd
been there.

Stark and the others first string.

Well, there's one big difference.

The game they're playing doesn't have
any homecoming floats or cheerleaders or

pom -pom girls or morality or conscience
or mercy.

And I'll tell you, for a guy with a 4
.0, he has got all the brains of a

football.

Buy it and listen if you want to get out
of here alive.

And I'm sorry about this afternoon. My
name's Vincent.

You didn't know it, but you brought me a
message.

AM -21.

Yeah, it's a bureau code for evacuation.

I've been on a radio silence for three
weeks.

Stark may be crazy, but he knew we had
him infiltrated.

You're FBI?

That's right.

And right about dawn, we're going to be
ground zero for a chopper assault team,

and I don't plan on being here.

Truck's parked right out front.

If we can get through the gate without
waking up Stark, we'll be all right.

Let's go.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Long after we start her up, are the
guards going to be on us? That second's

light sleepers.

Let's push it.

Thank you, Mr. Benson.

You know how I enjoy night maneuvers.

Colonel, the war games are over.

My people know everything. It's time to
give up your command.

Surrender?

Nuts. I can help you, Colonel.

Army takes care of its own.

You're a decorated veteran.

A respected man.

We can help you.

It's just that your methods have become
a little unsound.

You're a traitor.

Much to the troops.

You may not have gotten paid for this
case, but it was worth every penny just

see the look on your face when Mrs.
Bartlett kissed you in front of the

reunion.

Blew my credibility for half a class.

Oh, not with Ginny Edwards.

Well, that's true. The best thing about
reliving old times is you get to start

some new ones.

Yet everybody we know Knows we're more
than brothers We're best of friends

We may not look or think like one
another

And there are times when we have hurt
each other Still we're more than