Original subtitles

♪ There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem for our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

- Hey! - ♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots ♪

♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪

It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent ♪

♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪

Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

Come on, come on. You'll never believe it.

Phineas and Ferb made the world's biggest banana cream...

- [belches] - ...pie.

But-- But-- But-- But--

If you need me, I'll be in the house.

But, and I mean this in the nicest way possible,

- don't need me. - [sighs]

Another day, another ridiculous, humiliating failure.

So, what do we do with all these banana peels?

My wrist is still hurting from peeling 387 bananas.

And my eyes hurt from watching you do it.

Hey! What if we grew a giant banana,

and made a giant peeler,

so we only have to peel once?

Sounds like somebody wants more pie. Let's do it!

Oh! Um, you're just walking in normally today.

It's just, I, uh-- I don't have much to report.

I was kinda hoping a cool lair entrance would eat up a little time.

Our intel reveals that Doofenshmirtz isn't, uh, up to, well,

anything today, which is--

I guess just stand by in case he does do something.

I told you this meeting could just be an email.

You could just be an email, Carl.

[sobs] Jeremy was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, and clearly he blew me off.

No one in the world has it worse than me.

- [Stacy] That's a bit of an exaggeration. - Oh, sorry, Stace.

I forgot I was on the phone with you.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. In the whole world,

maybe one or two have it worse.

But definitely in Danville,

no one has it worse than me.

[panting, groaning]

Hey! Keep dancing, Jeremy. These Slushy Dawgs aren't gonna sell themselves!

But it's so hot out here, and you made me work a double shift!

I had no choice. Jordan is still in the hospital with heat stroke.

- Now keep dancing! - [Jeremy] I need to rethink my career trajectory.

- Gotta call Candace and explain why I'm late. - [rustling]

Ooh! Fresh air. What a relief to be free again.

[screams]

- [phone vibrating] - Jeremy?

- [beeps] - Hello?

- [muffled munching noises] - Jeremy?

[gasps] Is this a butt dial?

He's out getting food without me! [sobs]

Forget it!

[wailing] Worst life ever.

- [Jeremy groaning] - [munching noise]

[Jeremy groans, shrieks]

- [munching] - [Jeremy] No, no, no, no!

[screams, grunts]

[muffled groans]

- [grunting] - [panting] Oh, what was that?

And why did it look like Candace?

[munching, humming]

[clattering]

[electricity crackling]

[metallic scraping]

If that's you, Perry the Platypus,

I'm not doing anything evil. I--

- [crashing] - That is definitely not Perry the Platypus.

If you-- If you plan to eat me,

I'm all gristle. I'm very gamey!

I'm not good at all!

[pants] I think I lost it.

[Dr. Doofenshmirtz screams, grunts]

- [muffled screaming] - [munching]

[gulps]

- [thwap, squeaking] - Jeremy?

[grunts] Something jumped on me and started swallowing me whole,

- and it kinda looked like you. - What?

I got away, but something is out there.

[♪ synth-pop music playing]

Candace, hey. Want a ride?

Buckle up.

[muffled groaning]

You know, I can't understand you when you mutter, Candace. Candace?

- Candace! - [grumbling] "Candace."

Oh, Mom's here. But let me get you a blanket.

No blanket, huh?

[grumbling] No blanket. I'm Candace.

- Uh, okay. - [Candace Suit] No blanket.

[Jeremy] Candace, are you all right?

- [grunts] - [screams] Get away from him, you long-necked freak!

[Candace grunts, strains]

Stop it!

[grunts] Help me, Jeremy!

[grumbling] Help me, Jeremy.

Wait, help who? Which one is which?

[grunts] Are you kidding me?

[mechanical whirring]

- [door opens] - [screams] Two Candaces. Only one is real.

You gotta help me!

[grunting, burbling]

[Isabella] Wow, it's like I'm seeing double.

That one looks strangely familiar.

But which Candace is the real Candace?

- I am! - [grumbles] I am!

Did you try kissing both of 'em?

What? That's what I'd do. Heck, I'll do it right now!

[both] No one's kissing anybody.

- Your loss. - There must be some indisputable way

- to determine which is the real-- - Phineas, Ferb!

You did this! With some kind of--

I-I don't know, and I don't care. You two are so busted.

- [all] That's her. - Plus, the other one is six feet tall and slouching!

It's a Candace suit!

[grunting, burbling]

[grunts, stutters]

[grunts] How weird!

- I am outta here! - Beatrice!

- What is it doing here and how is it alive? - [blubbers]

Yeah. I don't remember imbuing the suit with the gift of life.

I think I'd remember that.

- [blubbers, grunts] - [Isabella screams]

- Get off her! - Stop that!

Hey, not Isabella!

- [munching, grunting] - It's an abomination.

Hey! Let's not be too hasty with Beatrice. Run, Beatrice, run!

We've got to stop her before she attacks someone else!

[♪ synth-pop music starts]

♪ I don't know where to begin ♪

♪ I guess it's just the age-old tale ♪

♪ Of chasing a sentient latex skin ♪

♪ Down a boulevard Hot on its trail ♪

♪ You know we got to catch her ♪

♪ She's a no-good body snatcher ♪

♪ She's all skin, no bone ♪

♪ Candace Flynn's demented clone ♪

♪ All skin, no bone ♪

♪ You don't wanna be caught alone ♪

♪ With the Candace Suit ♪

♪ She's the Candace Suit ♪

[grunts, blubbers]

[groaning]

- [footsteps running] - Gotcha!

- [blubbers, groans] - Your reign of terror ends now!

[both grunting]

There can be only one Candace.

[both grunt, struggle]

- Where's Beatrice? - Candace cornered her in the alley.

Is she okay?

[sobbing] You killed her! You monster!

- Don't touch me! - Come on, gang.

Guess we ought to get back to the banana peeler.

[muffled screaming]

- [grumbling] A perfect fit. - [bicycle bell rings]

You seem so different today, honey.

But in a good way. Usually you'd be trying to bust the boys by now.

[muffled screaming]

[grumbling] You guys are so busted.

[muffled grunts and screams]

Go fish!

[grumbling gibberish]

[muffled screams]

Candace, you okay?

- [Candace strains] - [Candace Suit grunts]

[grumbling] Me actually gonna help the boys.

[gasps]

[grumbling] Jeremy, where'd you go? I'm Candace.

Oh, uh, Candace. Uh, come on over.

Now! The banana peeler!

[mechanical whirring]

But it was fitting her so well.

How did you know it was her?

She said she was going to "help" the boys.

Does that sound like Candace to you?

- Sure doesn't. - It does not.

Uh, I-- It-- Attacked-- Trapped...

Finish her!

Stop! Knock it off. She's a semi-sentient, rubber, living thing.

And who are we to take her life away?

Well, he may have a point.

- [blubbers] - What is it saying?

It's okay. I can speak a little Candace Suit.

I'll do my best to translate.

"My first memory is waking up, alone and limp and cold.

I was an empty shell, literally."

You got all that from... [grunts and babbles]

It's all in the intonation!

"I tried filling myself with a raccoon.

I stumbled through the world, seeking connection,

but found only fear and scorn.

I was so confused, until I saw my own reflection.

- I was a monster." - [woman screams]

- [grunts] - "I tried filling myself with garbage.

I tried everything to cage my appearance, to fit in."

- [woman screams] - "But nothing worked...

- until I tried a human host." - [Candace Suit babbles]

"I only wanted a life, friends, family.

And when I saw your life, Candace, I saw you had everything anyone could want.

I didn't want to give that up."

She's right. I've been taking my life for granted,

and I'm sorry for wanting to destroy you.

[all gasp]

- [munching] - Beatrice, no!

You got to stop doing that. You're making this so hard.

So now what do we do with her?

- All right. Step aside. - We're not using the flamethrower.

She deserves to live out a full life.

- Not my life. Her own life. - You're right, but where?

We need to put her somewhere far, far away,

where she can't hurt anyone.

Wait a minute! Okay, stay with me on this.

She's empty and all alone in this world, right?

Well, I know someone else who's empty and all alone.

This is it.

[babbling]

- [grunts] - [babbles]

- [grunts] - [babbling]

I've never felt so seen.

Candace Suit and Klimpaloon the Magical Old-Timey Bathing Suit

already have the same last name.

Perhaps they are "suited" for each other after all.