Original subtitles

[Kimberly] How do I look?

- [exaggerated] Damn-a.

'Kay Cardi "B" careful, 'cause I'ma have to jump on ya' okay.

- I like the way you think Mr. Williams.

- Don't try to distract me.

- So, after we get that $150,000 grant and scale Lucille's,

can we buy me that dream house I been wanting?

- Absolutely not. In your dreams.

Especially after I dropped the ball securing the grant with the BSBA.

- Come on. - I said after.

And that's not the only bag you fumbled.

Do you see how good I look in this outfit?

- Heck yeah. I'm lookin' at it mama, I'm lookin' at,

lookin' at everything right now.

But you can't get fun, freaky Alfonzo. Okay, I gotta focus.

I have to get this right, and in order, for Dr. Davis.

- I know it's hard, but you gotta relax.

She asked us to host the association's annual luncheon.

We must be doing something right.

- All I hear is we, and don't nobody in this house speak no French.

We have very different memories boo.

Why you always tryna steal my joy?

I am the one who won Dr. Davis over

with my loving energy, vibes and creativity!

[Laughing]

- [mid-laugh] She won doctor...

- I really did. - The delusions of grandeur are real.

- That's hilarious. - Very, very real, um...

- Dr. Davis doesn't even know your name boo. - Oh!

- "The" Ivory Hill.

- Mm-mm, clearly I did a big one directing that play.

Okay, Dr. Davis is not following me on Instagram for nothing boo.

- All right!

Now which one of y'all stole my Too Short gnome from the porch?

You? Huh?

- [whispering] We got a Too Short?

Uh, uh Auntie, loosen up.

I think you're just being paranoid.

You probably just misplaced it like the flashlight pen and compressions socks, and your

foot massager. - Don't listen to him.

I believe you Aunt Lucille, and I love you.

- Oh, no, no, no, don't be trying to sweeten me up.

And why are y'all acting like my gnome is an imaginary friend?

Don't gaslight me!

And I didn't misplace anything.

And if y'all don't help me find Too Short,

I'ma go out there and I'ma search door to door

as if he's a little bitty missing child on the back of a milk carton!

[hollering] I'm coming Too Short!

I'm coming to get you!

Aunt Lucille is here!

What are you doing in here?

Tryna make a bubble wrap bodysuit?

- Listen, I don't have time for your foolishness today, nephew.

And what are you doing home from work anyway?

- I promised Kimberly I'd give her, Aaliyah and Mia space

while they set up for the luncheon without interfering,

but what is this? What is this?

Open scissors on my couch?

- Well, how else do you expect me to open up some boxes?

You know something, you need to find something else to do.

Go on now! Go find something else to do

instead of doubling down and meddling in my business.

- Auntie, there is more cameras in here than the county jail.

We don't have money to be wasting on crap like this.

- Well you can never be too careful.

And sue me for trying to protect your family!

- Protect my family from what?

A toy thief? This is ridiculous.

- Nuh-uh-uh, now petty theft is a gateway crime.

Before you know it, a flash mob of ransackers

will be running through Nordstrom's.

- Okay, okay.

Auntie, Auntie...

You're gonna have to find something better to do with your time.

- The girls and I have formed a new group.

It's called the Silver Sneakers Neighborhood Watch,

and we are taking our work out from the gym to the streets.

And we gon' get that creep!

- I knew I should've came earlier. - Don't start.

We did two run-throughs this morning.

- This happened in spite of being prepared. - How do we get this on?

- And what is the saying Aunt Lucille always says?

- Uh, man plans and God laughs. - I'm not laughing.

The Black Small Business Association gave us a deposit.

If I don't have the rest of that balance,

I'm putting cases on all you ladies!

Yeah, yeah.

- Don't play with my money, get this thing working girl.

Mia you heard the man, fix it.

- Fix it! Baby, they need to be right. - Whew these chicks ain't loyal.

- Y'all don't know how to run no real--

- [shakily] Hey Dr. Davis! - How's it going?

- Lookin' like a young Pam Grier.

Okay, uh, how do you like what we did with the place?

- You and your family have done a lovely job so far.

- Thank you. - And you know what,

I can't wait to see how you execute the rest of my vision.

- Okay, I got somethin' for you. - I know you do.

- But later, I'd like to talk to you about the community grant.

You see, Lucille's Arts Initiative,

helping kids in the neighborhood by, you know, supporting their dreams.

You know, it's our family way of paying it forward.

- Nice work on that elevator pitch.

- You like that? - Love it.

- Breaking her down.

- So, how'd it go?

- I don't know, she's considering it.

- Dr. Davis!

How are 'ya?

- I am amazing, thank you.

And the champagne is excellent.

- Not as excellent as you.

You look stunning!

Why thank you...

- And uh, we can toast to that. - Toast to us.

- Down! Down!

- Excuse me guys. [Alfonso Muttering]

- Pops, if you ruin this for me

I swear to God I'll never speak to you again. - Relax, relax.

She has a crush on me.

- A crush? You better start crushing these feelings.

Okay and put the champagne down.

That's for the guests, and you are not a guest, okay?

- It's just water, okay?

And you won't have to worry ab out me refilling it, son, relax.

All right?

- There he is, the man of the hour!

[Applause]

- Good to see you. - Greetings, Dr. Davis,

a-and thank you for having me here.

- Well we are honored to honor you.

And I'll tell you what, I'll let you get settled in, okay?

[Henry] Clyde Johnson, is that you?

Lookin' like a picture of success?

- Henry Williams! Haha!

- Man, you a sight for both sore eyes.

- Man, I ain't seen you in a month and second Tuesday.

- What you doing here? - Well you know this used to be Lucille's place.

My, my kids are running the business now.

- You know, I thought the place looked kinda familiar

but the old computer, it just ain't computing like it used to.

I don't know maybe, I thought for a minute

I was suffering from a touch of onset dementia.

- Well 'ya still doing better than most.

- Aye man, we used to have some throw down jam sessions up in this joint.

But you know I had to... I gave up

tickling the ivories about 15 years ago.

- No! - Yeah, yeah.

- Well now, is this Clyde Jr.?

- No, that's me man.

- Oh man, that's you way way way way back,

because I'm looking at you right now and...

Clyde that ain't you.

Hey, have you met my babygirl?

Aaliyah this is Mr. Clyde Johnson.

- Well, it's nice to meet you.

You look just like Lucille!

- Thank you. - How is she doing?

- Oh she is so good, so good.

Are you the honoree?

- Uh, yes I am. [Aaliyah] Oh my God.

I'd never recognize you from your picture.

- Told you so.

- Looks like a young Alby Sure.

Sure that's you?

- Looks like the apple don't fall too far from the tree.

- [Sighs] You got that right.

- It has truly been an honor knowing Clyde as a friend,

and as an entrepreneur.

- [whispering] Great job team.

- Stay humble. Let's stay humble.

You know, Dr. Davis still hasn't decided whether or not

she's gonna give us the business grant.

Okay, I heard there's a couple of recipients, but if we finish strong,

we can close this. - Mkay.

- We got this. - Lighten up. Lighten up on the chase, son.

- That's something, coming from Pepe Le Pew.

Calling Dr. Davis beautiful every five minutes.

- She knows what I can offer.

- That's what I'm worried about, right there.

Okay wait though,

You think Clyde can put in a, word?

- Oh, so now you want my help?

- I'm just sayin'--

[Dr. Davis] Ladies and Gentlemen,

as we celebrate Clyde Johnson's mark on Chicago,

we've heard some great speeches tonight, yes?

[Agreeing Applause]

I just learned, he has a very dear friend who's here with us today.

- Okay.

[Dr. Davis] And I would love for him to come up and say a few words.

Henry Williams, if you would please do us the honors.

- Me? - [Dr. Davis] Yes. [Applause]

- You want me to say something about Clyde?

Now, no autographs though until the end of the speech, okay?

And son, can you get my manager on the phone?

[Laughter]

[Henry] Aw, Clyde.

Ever since I've known Clyde,

he's been like a savior.

Saved me from a lot of stuff.

Like when we were on the road and I lost all my money

playing blackjack.

Couldn't get home to see my twins

for their 11th birthday.

But Clyde bought me a train ticket,

and I was a week late but, was able to put a smile

on my, my babies' faces

and I, for that, I am forever grateful... [Aggressive Shuffling]

for I--there are my babies right there:

Alfonzo and Aaliyah.

They left but, let's give 'em a hand anyway okay?

[Applause]

Um, like I was saying,

I'm not surprised that you are still

impacting the community.

It's my honor to welcome Mr. Clyde Johnson.

[Applause]

- [Sighs] Well um, thank you my brother,

for those kind words.

I think you're a great guy,

and I'm quite sure your kids would've felt the same

if they had not left the room while you gave your precious speech.

- Well, the streets aren't talkin'.

- Well honey, I'm loving these cheeseballs.

I can't get enough of 'em.

What about you Mildred, you want one?

- No no, uh-uh, crime and cheese!

Do not mess with me, they don't sit right with me.

Makes my stomach very queasy.

Will have to go to the bathroom, so.

[In Unison] Ooh!

- Well don't do it on my nephew's couch.

- Well look! Look, look what I got y'all.

Our first flyers.

- Now Mildred, you know I can't see without my glasses on.

I'm so blind. I can't even find my own nipples.

- Wait a minute, I thought you was gon' put our group name on there.

- The Silver Sneakers! - Gon' make it look too busy, mm-mm.

- Well, it sounds cool.

And that's why I got us these honey!

Yes baby. [Cheering]

- No you didn't, ooh! Look at that!

- Yes I did girl! - Give me one. [Cackling]

- I am so thrilled that we formed this neighborhood watch.

I can barely contain myself.

- Y'all, look at us!

We are officially crimefighters.

Ready to right the wrong of the innocent victims,

like me!

- Wait a minute, but did I tell y'all,

about this young man I saw getting a citation the other day?

- [In Unison] Mm-mm. - He was holding leashes,

with no dogs!

- And neon sneakers on. - Oh come on now.

How do they think they gon' cite somebody just 'cause they a little strange

and you know, don't have such good taste?

They should be ashamed of themselves.

- They should.

- Well girls, come on.

Let's get ready to go hang up those flyers before it gets too late.

- Mm. Alright. - Now look at it.

- Let's see.

[strained] Neighborhood watch,

all suspicious activity is reported to...

[shocked] the "po-po"!

Mildred, why does this say the "po-po" instead of the police?

- Because they charge by the letter Lucille.

So I shortened it, and saved us 100 bucks.

- Yes you did!

[Alfonso] Of all the things he could've shared,

he decided to tell a story about a moment that changed our lives forever?

- Do you remember what happened at our 11th birthday? - Of course I do.

Someone broke into our house, mom went straight Flo-Jo,

hopped the fence with one hand while we ran around and tried to escape.

- How could I forget? - He shoulda been there to protect us.

- Yeah but, he was on the road.

He was tryna provide for his family--

- He just said he gambled the money away, Aaliyah.

And left me, me there to protect us.

I was eleven years old!

- I know, but it was just a joke.

- He was tryna make his speech funny, you know how he is. - And here you go,

again, you always tryna protect him!

- Son, can we talk?

- Talk to him. Omar --

Let me talk to him dad, okay?

- No babygirl, not this time.

I need to handle this.

- Nobody, no takers on the Snoop decoy.

- 10-4, do you read me?

- Pipe down, I'm standing right here fool.

[Mildred Muttering] - And where have you been?

I thought you was going to the bathroom,

which is on the other side of the house?

- I took the long way around, so I could, you know, eat.

But nah, I saw this popcorn on the counter.

Figured you just forgot it.

- Jackie, just 'cause you see food

don't mean you have to eat the food.

- Girl, sorry, I'm a snacker.

- Oo-oo, suspect is approaching item B.

- Suspect is approaching. - Where?

Wait, wait, what's with this dude and the invisible leashes?

- Where the dogs at dude?

- Shut it Mildred! Be quiet, it's a decoy.

Oh wait a minute.

He look like he tryna grab Snoop!

Oh hell to the no.

Not today Satan.

Not with this crimefighter.

- Be careful Lucille! - I gotcha Mildred.

[Yelling] [Thief] What the--

[Lucille] Got yo' ass. Where's my gnome?

- Now where is Too Short?

- How am I supposed to know lady?

Do I look like his manager?

- No, you look guilty is what you look like.

- I don't know what type of freaky stuff you ladies into,

but I ain't guilty of nothing!

- You guilty of stealing my gnome.

- I didn't steal anything.

And what the hell is a gnome anyway?

- You know, it's one of them little Smurf looking things

that sit out in the front yard.

Rumor has it that it guards the earth's treasures,

and in this case our house.

- And the only person guarding this house is the Lord.

[Harmonious Singing]

- Look, I didn't steal your gnome, lawn jockey,

or whatever it is.

I was walking by with my dogs,

and I seen that Snoop statue chilling.

I was tryna take a selfie.

- Boy, you are taking crazy to a whole 'nother level.

Do you see any dogs around here?

- He didn't have no dogs! - Wait a minute.

He louder than a rock concert!

- Ooh! - He on that stuff!

He on that stuff! Yeah he is.

- What stuff?

I'm a dog trainer.

And next week, I'ma have more dogs than usual so,

I was tryna figure this out.

What if I have three dogs on the left, two dogs on the right.

One has to pee, the other one doesn't.

This one goes left, the other one goes right and--

- It's a whole thing! - Wait,

did you say gnome?

- Yes, he stole my gnome!

And I'm gon' do whatever I can to get it back.

- So all this time, your missing gnome

is the reason why we formed the neighborhood watch?

- Yes!

It was a violation of my person,

you stealing my gnome!

And I am not gon' let you get away.

[Grunting] - Look, for the last time lady,

I'm no thief!

- Lucille. Lucille! - What? What?

- Let him go. Lucille, let him go. - No! No! No! No!

- Let him go. Oh my Lord. - What are you doing, what are you doing Mildred?

- [distressed] She letting him go! - She letting him go.

- Mildred, he took my gnome.

Where is Too Short? You better tell.

- Now help me up.

Now get out.

And pull your pants up.

- Next time you try to kidnap someone,

make sure you got the right brotha'.

- And you better learn how to fight,

'cause I kicked your ass.

Whoo!

Alright, now let's get serious.

- My grandson Todd came over the other day

and asked could he borrow our gnome for a special project.

I told him it was okay.

I did not think it was gon' be a big problem.

- Well it's not a big problem Mildred, if you ask.

- I got busy, and it slipped my mind.

- I don't have a gnome in this fight.

- Uh, I let him borrow Ludacris too.

- Uh-huh, see. - Wait a minute,

I didn't even know Luda was missing!

- Why is everybody on mute?

- You always said,

if I don't got nothing nice to say about my sorry--[Halts]

daddy, don't say nothing at all.

- Alfonzo, I know you're upset,

but disparaging your father isn't the road you wanna--

- I'm sick and tired of his drama Auntie.

- Period. - Henry isn't perfect, nephew.

But he has sacrificed a lot for his family.

- He never takes anything seriously.

- Nothing! - Maybe it's a coping mechanism, babe.

- Yeah, and you could stand to just, lighten up a bit.

- Hey.

Guess y'all heard Dr. Davis won't commit to giving Lucille's the grant.

[Aaliyah] Dang, Dr. Davis unfollowed me.

We are never getting this grant.

[Clapping]

- Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

for ruining another day for me.

- Wait, wait, wait, I was not the one to cause the scene

and walked out when the money was in the bag.

- No, you would've just gambled it away.

- Okay, I don't know what's wrong with you,

but I'm not gonna stand here and be attacked

for no reason when all I did was try to help today.

- Okay, okay, you guys need to just sit down.

Now!

Seriously, you guys just need to talk, okay.

You need to air out your differences

'cause these public outbursts are starting to make us look like

a dysfunctional family. - Starting to? We're past that.

- So you good?

- Good as it gets.

- Good. - That settles that.

- Ah! You go sit your ass back down.

You all ain't done. Sit down!

[Sighs]

- I'm sorry I embarrassed you today at the luncheon.

- Wasn't about the luncheon.

I can't believe you got up on that stage

and lied about how you were there for Aaliyah and I, when you weren't.

You always try to come off like you some good guy.

- Good guy?

Look, what Clyde did for me that day was a good thing

and I wanted to give him some shine.

You think I wanted to tell the world that I lost

all my money trying to double it

so I can make ends meet

and provide for my family?

- Make ends meet? - Yeah.

You coulda been broke at home.

You left us for weeks on end.

That wasn't the best for us pop.

I don't care what you say.

We needed you. [yelling] I needed you!

I missed you.

Everyday.

- I know that. I know that.

And I'm sorry. [Sighs]

I should've been there, you know when the house got robbed, but,

when I found out, I made sure

that they got him arrested.

- I didn't know that.

- Son, you should never have been placed in that situation.

For that, I'm sorry and I will always be sorry.

I know parenting...

is held with high regard, but you know,

being a parent don't come with instructions.

But this right here is a teachable moment for me.

But I hope it could be a teachable moment for you too.

I can't, I can't erase the past.

But together we can have a future but,

you gotta let me in.

[shakily] You just gotta let me in.

[shakily] I, I can do that.

[Awing and Clapping]

[Doorbell Rings]

- Well if it isn't my little Too Short mini-me.

- I'm so sorry about the mix-up sis.

- Oh, it's all right.

You can't help that you're an over-stepper.

- Well thank you so much for sympathizing with my condition.

Now listen,

you can put this gnome back on your lawn...

- Or we can flip it. [Gasps]

- What are you talking about Mildred?

- Last night my grandson put the gnome on the stage at his concert

and the folks lost their mind.

Next thing you know, it was uh, what you call uh...

hashtag, hash brown, whatever. One of them.

- Oh Mildred.

Uh-uh, I couldn't do that.

Too Short is so sentimental to me.

I just love him so much,

he's just fantastic.

- Wha-what is that? - That's how much Too Short is worth now.

- We taking your car or mine? [Whooing]

- Girl we going to play the slots. - Yes, and make some money.

- Hey! What's our favorite word?

[In Unison] Rich! - Let's go!