Original subtitles

- Ooh, you looking like Fifty-One Shades of Grey, baby!

- There they are, the king and queen of the castle!

- Hmm.

- If I was the king, I'd lock you in the tower

the way you keeping that room, boy!

- Well, thank goodness you're such a benevolent and kind king.

And Dad, have you lost a couple of pounds?

You looking good in that shirt!

- No, okay?

All I'm losing is money and patience.

- What do you want?

- Mom, my beautiful queen.

Did I tell that all the guys at my school call you the hot mama?

- You talking about them boys that can't write in cursive?

What do you want, AJ?

- Well, since I passed my driving test,

you guys should buy me a car!

- (breathlessly) He wants me to buy him a car!

[Both Laughing]

Okay, how about this, how about this, son?

I'll get you a brand new car... air freshener,

make your room smell better. [She Laughs]

- AJ, sweetie.

A license does not mean you automatically get a car.

Plus, there's gas, insurance, maintenance.

- Ah, well, my friends told me you were gonna say that,

so I decided to draw up a monthly cost report

of the exact car that I want.

- No, you didn't. - Sure did!

- Wow.

I'm impressed!

Well, I mean, AJ is generally responsible,

and he is doing really well in school.

- Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, let me get this straight.

So, we are supposed to reward him

for having survival instincts?

I think not.

- Well, you guys should reward me

because I'll drop off and pick up Jordan.

- Mm, sold! - And take your auntie to bingo,

ballroom dancing, and the strip club.

- She likes the food there.

- So do I.

- Yes, yes I will.

- Okay, okay.

Okay, AJ. [Kimberly Giggles]

I'll tell you what. Whatever amount you save up,

I'll match it. - What? Okay, uh, hold on.

Uh, babe, this car is a little expensive.

So, yeah, there's that. - Let me see.

- Wait.

- Boy, did you photoshop yourself in a SL?

[They Laugh]

- Yes, Dad, that's the car that I want!

- So do I, okay? So do I!

- Dad, I go to private school.

Everybody there drives luxury cars.

- So do the moms.

Alfonso, I need to be upgraded!

- Mm-mm, let's have this conversation later.

Ahem! Like I said.

Save up what you gotta save up, I'll match what I gotta match.

- Really?

Oh! You won't regret this, Dad!

Mom, you married a good man!

Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Mom. Love you guys!

- Bye, baby! - Okay, have a good day.

[He Laughs]

- Um, wait, are you serious?

- Honey, please.

The way he blows his dough on Grubhub and blonde hair dye,

psh, he ain't gonna have five to put on it, okay?

- You're too much!

- A bake sale ain't gonna cut it.

- I need that car!

I'm the only one in our grade without one.

How's the GoFundMe going?

- Not great.

In order for you to hit your goal,

it looks like you're gonna have to die.

- No, no, no, I am too young to die!

- But you know what? My uncle, he owns a comedy club downtown.

He makes a lot of money charging people at the door to get in.

- Ooh, that's so great.

Do you think he would let us do a comedy show there?

With my following, I could get a pretty decent crowd in.

- Maybe, but he's definitely gonna want his cut.

- Yeah, you're right.

Well, we could sell the freshly-baked cookies there!

- He's gonna want his cut of that, too.

But if we hosted at Lucille's, we split it.

- "We"? What is all this "we" talk?

You already got a car!

- Two cars to be exact.

One for school, and one for the weekend.

- Okay... - Excuse me.

What y'all two doing in here looking like a clean and dirty Q-tip?

- Nothing. Just chilling.

- "Just chilling"?

Verdict's out on you, boy.

Fade too tight, lineup too right.

Keep the door open.

- But there's no door.

- "But there's no door", keep the lights on!

- Anyways, we can't host it at Lucille's.

My dad would never agree to that.

The only reason why he even said yes

to splitting the car is 'cause he doesn't think I can do it.

I gotta find a way to prove myself to him!

How about this? I'll give you a small cut for the idea.

- Small cut?

Look, it'll be low-key.

A speakeasy type of thing.

After a few shows, you'll have enough money

to buy a Rolls-Royce every day of the week!

- Oh, well, that sounds good!

Ah, I can see it now, my name in lights.

(sings) AJ Presents!

- It's supposed to be a secret, remember?

- (softly) AJ Presents!

[**]

Well, hello again!

Mm, I see you come bearing gifts today.

How might I repay you?

- This one is for Aaliyah.

- Hmm, she over there.

- Oh, baby!

Oh, that looks so heavy. Come here, let me help you.

- Thank you, it's heavy--

- Oh! - Ooh!

- Aw, oh!

Oh. Aw, help me up, help me up!

- I got you, I got you. - Ooh!

- Okay, I'm Aaliyah.

Um, what do you want?

- I just need you to sign here.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- I-I normally don't do this but, uh,

just wanted to give you our business card

just in case you need me to deliver anything else.

- Yes, you might need a delivery.

[Chuckles Nervously] - I'll take that.

- Aaliyah, what's going on with you?

- That man is gorgeous!

- Nothing! It's whatever, you know?

Pass me the package. - Forget the package.

But you know what, guys? Today is her used-to-be wedding anniversary.

- Oh, do you wanna talk--

- No, no, no, it's fine! It's, it's fine, y'all.

- Aaliyah, maybe it's time for you to get back out there,

even if it's just to have a little fun!

- Yeah!

And what better time is there to dip your little pretty pedicure back in the dating pool?

- The pool is full of sharks, and the water is contaminated!

- Oh no-no-no-no, not this pool.

See, Pattie Cantrell booked her famous Friday night mixer event here.

[All Talking]

- Pattie Pattie? - Yeah, she's coming!

- What?!

- She is the most successful matchmaker!

- Uh-huh!

- Ooh-ooh-ooh, think about it, think about it, think about it.

A successful-man matchmaking event here!

Come on! With doctors and lawyers and men with their side teeth!

Girl, come on! - Side teeth?

I don't know, this is a lot.

I don't even know how to talk to men anymore.

I mean, you see how I treated the delivery guy,

and he was fine!

- Come on, baby, we can coach you!

- Yes, yes, and I can make you flashcards that you can read from.

- Uh-uh, no-no-no-no-no.

We're not gonna have my girl out here looking crazy, no!

She needs something more up-to-date like a, you know, earpiece under her hair.

- Oh.

- Ooh, like James Bond! - Yes!

- I think I'm gonna pass, y'all. Thank you!

- Well, uh, it's a little too late to pass

'cause I signed us up about a week ago!

Oh, oh, about a week ago, I did, I did, I did!

[Aaliyah] What if someone sees this?

- Then say it's a Bluetooth and you're an uncle.

- I don't think I can do this...

- You got this, you got it. - Be yourself.

Confidence is key.

- Oh, no, no, no, Kimberly, that is awful advice.

Aaliyah, whatever you do, don't be you.

That's why you single now!

Men don't like women who talk too much.

They like women who listen and don't say anything.

You independent women are out!

Traditional women? Oh, honey tea,

we back in style!

- All right, duly noted.

[Glass Clinging] - Ooh, there she is!

- Hello everyone, and welcome to our first Friday mixer event.

Every five minutes, I'm going to ring this bell.

Then, the men will get up and move one seat over.

After the time is up, you can circle yes or no.

- Um, excuse me. What's a maybe?

- Maybe means you spotted some red flags, but you're still considering.

And that means hell no!

- Oh, okay... - Okay, let's begin!

- So, let me ask you a question. You ever flown in a private jet?

- I want to ride your plane. - Ooh!

Do you? You got your passport? - Yes!

Yes, I do!

- You're doing good, baby.

Now, don't say a word!

- So, uh, what brings you joy?

- Um, ooh, working.

- All right, yeah. - And my family. Yeah?

What about you? - I can't stand my damn family.

My wife and kids begging for money all the damn time!

You know what? I don't know what to do now.

- You're married? - On Sundays, I am.

How about you? Are you married?

[Bell Rings] - Is that Gouda?

- It actually is. You want it?

- Oh, ho-ho, yeah, I want it.

I do want it.

I want it, I do want...want it.

- Ahem! So, uh, [Chuckles]

tell me something you haven't told anyone.

- Um, you go first. - You first.

- You first! Grr! - You go first.

- You like that, don't you? - Mm, I like that...

Rawr, rawr! - Let me smell you...

- What do you do for a living?

- Why is that important?

Why is everyone asking me that?

I'm a pimp, how about that?

[Bell Rings]

When was your last relationship?

Actually, um, I just got dumped by someone that I love.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- (crying) It's okay.

I just need a moment, or a second.

- Okay. - I'm sorry.

[Sobs Loudly]

I'm sorry, just give me a moment.

[Sobs Again]

[Continues Crying]

You know where Charlene is? [Bell Rings]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. [He Speaks Spanish]

You leaving?

Uh, yeah, I'm kinda over this.

- Hey! - Hey!

- Hey-- - So was I.

Is that a Bluetooth?

Uh, yeah. I'm on my big uncle energy, so...

- That's what they call it? - Yeah.

- In all honesty, I'm not ready for this.

- Yeah, neither am I.

Since I lost my wife, I haven't been able to connect with a woman.

But you're different.

[She Giggles]

So, I guess I should ask you. What do you do for a living?

I'm a wealth manager.

I split my time between here and LA.

- Wealth? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well I'm wealthy, very wealthy, actually.

I own this building, and a few other buildings, you know?

Here, there, down the street.

Yeah... - I like that.

Listen, do you want to walk with me to the match area?

I don't want to talk to anyone else.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Okay.

[He Speaks Spanish]

[Both Chittering]

- Give me a five!

- It's giving responsible, frugal, stepmama!

- Frugal? Nah, I don't wanna look cheap now.

I am courtside material.

- That you are!

We gotta keep up that rich persona.

- Right. - You know, you told that little lie...

[All Speaking]

- No-no-no, no, no! It was just in the moment.

He was the first guy I actually connected with.

- Well, let me connect with you.

- Uh-oh. - Aaliyah, this is what I want you to remember.

Now, telling a little white lie here and there is okay,

but telling a bunch of them, building a relationship on lies,

that's not how you build a strong foundation going forward.

- Okay, Auntie.

Don't worry, okay, it's just dinner.

It's gonna be okay. I got this.

- She got this, she got this! - Yes!

But AJ, I do need to look wealthy.

- Yes, yes, very!

- Game face, you know, gangsters!

(coughs) Get the hat right.

- Hey Dad, Grandpa. I'm sleeping over at my friend Chris's tonight.

He's picking me up 'cause he's got a car.

Everybody's got a car.

(sings) Everybody but AJ!

- Everybody-- I see what you doing right there.

[Doorbell Rings] I see what you're doing, boy.

[Alfonso Mutters]

- Who do you think you-- Who do you think you are?!

- Pop. - You coming here to pick up my daughter, huh?

- Grandpa, that's my friend, Chris.

The one I just mentioned.

- Whoa-whoa-whoa! What is your intentions with my grandson?

- Pop. - Intentions?

- Yeah, yeah. - We're just friends.

- Very heavy on the "just friends".

- Relax. - I was... Overreacted Sorry, son.

- I think I peed myself. - Aw, come on!

- A little hot, came in a little hot.

Get you some diapers, boy. We gotta get you Pull-Ups!

Gotta get him some Pull-Ups! Ha, keep 'em handy!

[Door Slams] Pop.

[Doorbell Rings]

- Hey, how's it going? Is--

Slow down there...

[In Spanish]

I don't think we can fit the body...

[Door Closes] ..in a little tortilla bin, huh?

- What you talking about, a human body?

- Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah!

I mean, who are you?

- Boy, did you hear what he asked you?

Who are you?!

- My name is-- - Ah!

- Yeah. - I wouldn't even answer that

if I was you, son. - Don't have to.

- See, 'cause we already know who you are.

- Jeromé.

- Probably not even his real name!

- Don't sound real to me, Pop. Know what I mean?

I'm about to go, spread 'em, spread!

See what I mean? I need ID. I need two forms!

Okay, I need drivers license, I need Social Security card,

I need a active-- He got his passport in here?

- He's good!

I heard you was in finances.

You know, my son is in finances,

so he'll know if you're really even lying about you being in finances.

Ain't that right, Alfonso? - Oh, that's right, Pop.

Sure will! How's the market right now, Jero-me?

It's down.

- (laughs) It's...down!

He's good.

He's real good, Pop.

- You got any kids, any children?

- No. - Do you want some kids?

You know what? I need a picture of you.

Yeah...

- I don't wanna be in your selfie!

- He's good. - I don't know you like that.

All right, sweet potato pie, or pumpkin pie?

- Here she is! - Hi!

- Ms. Aaliyah. - You look beautiful.

- I hope you weren't waiting too long.

- Oh, no.

- All right, y'all. See you later!

- Have fun, bye! - Thank you!

[Jeromé] Pleasure meeting you.

- If the food is good, bring their doggie bag back!

- Got you. - Got you, Pops.

- Yeah, take it easy out there, Ma.

[In Spanish]

[**]

- And she said take her out to eat.

I said, "Out to eat? We got leftovers in my beard!"

[Audience Laughs]

- Nice touch with the fake wine and glasses.

- That's not fake.

- What do you mean it's not fake?

- I got this wine from my grandma's house.

She uses it for decoration, so she won't even notice it's gone.

- Chris, we did not agree to serve alcohol!

- Relax, AJ!

Selling alcohol is where the money's really made at these shows.

But right now, we're raking in the profits, so don't trip!

- All right.

- Where...did I put my phone?

[Audience Laughing]

- Yeah, with a beard like this, who need a broom?

[Laughter]

Whoo!

[**]

[Door Slams]

- You used the event space without my permission.

This place could have been shut down if the police would've caught wind

that two minors was up in here selling alcohol!

- I promise you, Dad. I did not know anything about the alcohol!

- That's true, it was all me.

- It doesn't matter who it was, boy!

This place is my responsibility!

Everything falls on me, son!

You have no regard for nobody but yourself!

- Relax, Mr. W-- - Tell me to relax one more time, boy!

- We didn't get caught! - Oh, you didn't get caught?

Even though you didn't get caught...

..both of you... were dead wrong.

It was reckless, and the consequences could've been serious.

AJ.

Go clean it up. And you?

Help him clean it up, and then you get out.

- Sorry Dad. Come on.

[Door Opens]

[**]

- Mm-mm!

Tell him no.

Oh, hey!

What happened to your little sleepover?

- Yeah, dear, what happened to your sleepover?

Tell your mom...

..what you was really doing.

- (quickly) Chris and I hosted a comedy show at the event space

without your permission and we were selling alcohol!

- Have you lost your damn mind?!

- You actually heard that?

Look Mom, I'm really, really sorry!

- AJ, you're gonna be very sorry.

You know what, go upstairs. I can't even look at you right now!

- Can't even look at you. See, I told you she--

- Just don't even start!

- Okay.

[**]

[**]

[Lucille] Hey, Pattie!

Ooh, wait-wait-wait, let me guess.

You want to do a mixer for men my age!

Look, we could call it, "The Golden Grind".

[All Speaking]

- Okay, I like that idea!

But I came to talk with Aaliyah about her match.

- Ooh, 'cause Ms. Pattie, you did your thing with this one here!

- It was amazing. I was so pleased. Thank you.

- Well, I hate to break this to you but the guy you matched with

conned his way into the mixer event.

- What? - Conned? What you mean?

- He's not as successful as he pretended to be.

- Wait, so he's not into the finer things?

- Nope, he can't afford them.

And he lives in his mama's basement.

- Oh, hell to the no!

- Wait a second, no, that can't be right.

I mean, he took me to a very, very expensive restaurant.

[All] Yeah!

- Did he pay?

- Well, no, but he said he was gonna Zelle me back!

- Well, are you sure that that's the case? I mean...

- His mother called me personally.

- Oh, not the mama. [All Speaking]

- Okay, see, see? This is why I don't be dating.

You know, people be out here pretending to be somebody they're not!

Y'all just stay out of my love life, okay?

Just mind your business. - No...

[**]

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

Mom, Dad.

I want to talk about everything that happened here.

You know, I messed up big-time and I wasn't thinking clearly,

and I never should've let Chris do everything that he did.

I never want to do anything that would jeopardize everything

that I know you both work so hard for.

[Imitates Buzzer]

- Ain't gonna work. - Alfonso.

- It's not gonna work! - AJ, go on.

- I see the sacrifices you guys make for us,

and Dad, I admire your dedication, how hard-working you are.

I just wanted to make you proud.

Son.

The reason I'm so hard on you

is because I want you to be a better man than I am.

- Yes. - That's the job.

- I mean, we were really disappointed in you the other night, AJ.

- I know. - Mm.

- And I've been thinking I'm clearly not mature enough

to have a luxury car. - No.

- Bing-bing-bing, bing-bing-bing! You ain't ready, bruh!

- And we're getting a cut of the profit.

- Yeah, for sure! I can shoot you guys like 15%.

- No-no-no-no, 100%. - Mm-hmm.

You don't earn money in this family by lying to get it.

No.

- Would you like that in 20's? - Hundreds, por favor .

- Okay. - Like your mom said,

a deal's a deal. I got you some transportation.

- Really?!

- Yeah-yeah-yeah, you're gonna have to Cash App me first.

- Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah, I got you.

[Whooshing Sound] You got it.

- Okay.

It's right here.

Get you anywhere, boy.

- Y-You've gotta be kidding me.

A bus pass?

- Worked for Rosa Parks!

- Son, he's joking.

- About what part?

- It's out back with your grandpa.

- Are you serious? Oh, I'm outta here!

[AJ Laughs]

I hope it starts!

[**]

[Engine Sputtering]

[Engine Starts]

[Door Opens]

- Whoo!

They ain't ready for you, boy! Ha-ha!

- Youngin'! - Take it in, take it in.

Big moment. [Henry Laughs]

Big moment. Ha-ha-ha, yes sir!

- Listen, listen, boy!

This car here was my girl back in the day.

Wasn't it, Alfonso?! - I remember, Pop!

- And today, I get a chance to pass her down to my grandson.

- This is legacy, son. All you gotta do is throw some D's on it,

put a little beat in the back, soap and water!

- That's all! - Soap and water.

- Is it too late to get that bus pass back?

- What you think, Pop? - It ain't too late.

- (crying) Oh, my God!

- Baby girl, there's nothing wrong with being single.

I mean, look at me.

- Pop, that's not helping.

[Knocks On Door]

Sounds like we got company. Cover up, Brokesy Brown.

- Can I help you? - Yeah, here to pick up my date.

[Aaliyah Giggles]

- Oh my gosh, you got me flowers!

That is so sweet! Aw, thank you.

- Hey, who is that? - That's the delivery man.

- Yes, he came to deliver me a package!

- A package? - Okay!

- Yeah! - Hey-hey-hey,

hey-hey-hey-hey-hey, hey, hey, hey!

Handle with care.

- Bye, y'all!

- Bye, you look beautiful!