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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,040
# Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:07,880
# Well, you came
and you gave without taking
3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,040
# But I sent you away
4
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,360
# Oh, Mandy
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:17,240
# Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
6
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,320
# And I need you today
7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,480
# Oh, Mandy... #
8
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,720
- You wanted to see me?
- Take a seat, Mandy.
9
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,600
Mandy, how long have you been
working at the call centre now?
10
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,200
Oh, quite a while now.
11
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,240
About three hours?
12
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,600
Three-and-a half maybe,
if you don't count lunch?
13
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,960
Look, is this about me getting into
a fight with my supervisor?
14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,120
Because he started it.
15
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,440
Said I wasn't allowed to smoke
if I'm on the phone.
16
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,160
But I can't think of anything
to say if I'm not smoking.
17
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,640
It's nothing to do with that.
18
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,880
Mandy, do you know
what message always plays
19
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,800
just before a call is answered?
20
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,760
Er, "Your call is important to us,
21
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,520
"but we're experiencing
unexpectedly high call volumes,
22
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,480
"so please visit the website
instead,
23
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,760
"because we don't want to hire
any more staff"?
24
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,880
No, after that.
25
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,400
"Calls may be recorded for
training purposes."
26
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,760
Oh, yeah, but, I mean,
you don't actually do that.
27
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,240
I mean, who'd want to listen back
to all those calls?
28
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,280
I do.
29
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,480
You record it on cassettes still?
30
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,600
It's much better audio quality
than digital.
31
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,720
And once I've listened,
I can use it to make
32
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,520
a mixtape for a friend.
33
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,120
This is you at 10.15am today.
34
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,200
But it's been six weeks
now, can't I just get a refund?
35
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,880
You can take your fucking refund,
36
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,200
shove it up your shit pipe, mate.
37
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,440
He was chancing his arm! Scammer.
38
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,280
I was saving the company money.
39
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,840
This is you at 10.55am.
40
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:48,280
No. No, you can't talk to
my manager, you fucking bell end.
41
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,920
11.10am.
42
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,560
You shit-for-brains wanker.
43
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,800
Knob off, you dick.
44
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,200
Refund? Get fucked!
45
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,480
Oh, I'm not listening to this,
you knobhead.
46
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,640
You're a fucking moron, mate.
47
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,520
Go on, off you piss.
48
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,120
TAPE RECORDER CLICKS OFF
49
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,120
What have you got to say
for yourself Mandy?
50
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,480
Well, firstly,
can I say that I'm very touched
51
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,200
and extremely honoured
that you've chosen tapes of me
52
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,600
to use for training others.
53
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,160
It's probably the first time
in my life I've been used as
54
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,040
some sort of educational role model.
55
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:27,240
Also, do I get some sort of bonus
for providing these training tapes?
56
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,280
These are going to be used
for training purposes, Mandy.
57
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,400
For training people what NOT to say.
58
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,920
- Eh?!
- Mandy, you're fired.
59
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,600
Effective immediately.
60
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,720
I'm going to need your badge
and your gun.
61
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,360
Sorry, I-I mean, I'm going to need
your headset and your key fob
62
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,760
to the gender-neutral toilets.
63
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,960
Aren't you meant to give me
two weeks' notice or something?
64
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,120
Oh, no, Mandy. No, you've brought
the call centre into disrepute,
65
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,360
so I can fire you immediately
without notice, or payment,
66
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,040
or HR sticking their
nervous little beaks in.
67
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,360
I'd ring up and complain,
but I know I'd never get through!
68
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,800
Goodbye, Mandy.
69
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,760
Not paying me?
70
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,280
All right. I'm takin' this, then.
71
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,280
COMPUTER CHIMES
72
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,760
Windows 95.
73
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,120
That's exciting.
74
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,120
Come on.
Why's it not doing anything?
75
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,400
SHOP BELL JANGLES
76
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,880
Mandy! What are you doing here?
77
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,240
- Shouldn't you be at the call centre?
- Got let go.
78
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,440
They have to make hard choices
in the ever-worsening
79
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,920
global economic situation.
80
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,640
They always start with
the little people, don't they?
81
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,800
Did they give you
any sort of pay-out?
82
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,280
No. I got a computer out of it.
83
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,360
But it just sits there,
not doing anything.
84
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:03,760
I mean, I can do that myself.
85
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,880
Have you connected it
to the internet?
86
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,000
- The what?
- The internet.
87
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,560
The information super motorway?
88
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,360
The W-W-W-W-W-dot?
89
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,800
The wide, wide world web?
90
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,520
With it, you can do all sorts
of things with a computer.
91
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,880
You can watch old TV clips,
rate plumbers,
92
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,040
say if people are hot or not.
93
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,760
Ha! The world is your Oyster card.
94
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,240
How do I do that?
95
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,600
You need to get band-broad.
96
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,480
The faster, the better.
97
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,920
Sounds complicated.
98
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,440
Other people seem to manage it.
99
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,440
You just call
the band-broad people.
100
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,720
All right. I'll see what I can do.
101
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,480
- I'm off now, Lola. See you later.
- Thank you, my dear.
102
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,520
BABY FUSSES
103
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,520
- God bless you.
- Thank you.
104
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,040
- Eh-heh.
- Who were that?
- Suzy.
105
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,000
I've rented the flat upstairs
to her on Airbnb.
106
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,360
That's another thing
you can do on the internet.
107
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,040
Poor girl and her new baby.
108
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,840
Nowhere else would take her.
109
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,960
So, now I can charge her
a fortune for her rent.
110
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,760
Can you believe it, Mandy?
111
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,720
I have reinvented myself
into a mum landlord!
112
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,000
Don't you need certificates
to rent a place out?
113
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,200
Get all your electrics checked
by the council, or summat?
114
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,880
No, you don't need to bother
with anything like that.
115
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,280
Not on the internet.
116
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,200
There are no rules on the net.
117
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,800
I've just kitted out
the place out with a few things
118
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,040
that I bought from eBay.
119
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,640
Very cheap.
120
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,160
I'm sure they're all in very
good condition.
121
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,200
SHE CHUCKLES
122
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,560
ELECTRICAL SPARKING
123
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,720
HOLD MUZAK PLAYS OVER PHONE
124
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,400
Hello? How can I help?
125
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,480
Erm, hello.
126
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,560
- Er, I'd like to sign up for
your band-broad, please.
- OK.
127
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,760
Let me just see if there are any
packages available in your area.
128
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,000
If you could give me
your postcode, and then...
129
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,160
Hang, on is that you from
the call centre?
130
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,400
Is... Is that Mandy Carter?
131
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,440
- Oh! I'm not dealing with that prick.
- Not dealing with that fucking idiot.
132
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,600
SHE SIGHS
133
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,040
See what I can do.
134
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,040
The Smiths?
135
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,320
That's them from next door.
136
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,360
Let's put my old password in.
137
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,280
"Password."
138
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,920
All right, let's try "password"...
139
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,800
..but the O is a zero.
140
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,800
Oh, fuck me! They are crafty.
141
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,280
What they trying to hide?
142
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,280
DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE
143
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,440
Excuse me? Mr Smith?
144
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,360
What's the name of your dog?
145
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,560
- Bobby!
- Thank you.
146
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,600
B-O-B-B-Y.
147
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,440
Oh, fuck me! They are devious.
148
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,840
What about "Bobby"...
149
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:46,240
..but, again, the O is a zero?
150
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,920
Yes! We're in!
151
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,040
Now, to take a drive down
the information hyper-subway.
152
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,360
Bonanza.
153
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,240
BONANZA THEME PLAYS
154
00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,680
Yes...
155
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,800
He's generating speed
with his back legs,
156
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,040
and his balance is good!
157
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,120
You're not getting any younger,
are you?
158
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,600
Kim and Khloe take India.
159
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,800
Was I meant to be a princess,
or what?!
160
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,880
Pavements remain very dangerous.
161
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,880
It's a glimpse into
the centre of the Earth.
162
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,760
Realising it's not worth the risk...
163
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,680
But behind the public facade
of Royal duty
164
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,320
was a hidden secret life
of marital betrayal.
165
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,320
What do all these people
have in common?
166
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,920
Well, all of them hide
a dark and cold secret
167
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,320
just beneath their artificial skin.
168
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,720
Four teenagers
and a 12-year-old...
169
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,760
I don't know what I'm seeing here,
but it's just insane.
170
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,240
Covid-19 strain...
171
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,200
- Get the
- BLEEP
- outta here!
- I will go!
172
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,120
She's a human!
173
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,800
Is it any wonder people are
afraid of technology?
174
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,280
VOICES OVERLAP
175
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,680
Only Kim K can make construction
materials look cool...
176
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,400
VOICES STOP
177
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,000
SHE SOBS
178
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,840
SHOP BELL JANGLES
179
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,120
Mandy! Are you OK?
180
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,880
You look very pale.
181
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,160
Went down a wormhole
last night, Lola.
182
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,320
You're thin, Mandy,
but I didn't think you could fit
183
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,160
- down a worm's hole.
- An internet wormhole!
184
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,360
I spent all night on social media,
185
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,800
comparing myself to Kim Kardashians.
186
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,240
Now I feel worthless about
my body image.
187
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,720
I blame the internet.
188
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,480
I now have very low self-esteem.
189
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,880
I didn't even know what
self-esteem was until yesterday -
190
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,000
I had to google it.
191
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,840
You can't go comparing yourself
to Kim Kardashian, Mandy.
192
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,120
It doesn't make sense.
193
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,640
You'll never be as good as her.
194
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,200
No. No, I'll never be
as good as her,
195
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,440
with her dream life all built
on hard work and talent.
196
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,600
But I can try
and look more like her.
197
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,600
I'm going to get
plastic surgery, Lole.
198
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,880
It's the only thing
that might make me feel any better.
199
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,480
I'm going to get bum implants.
200
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,440
Implants?! Ah!
201
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,520
They can be very expensive, Mandy.
202
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,720
Especially if you get
both bum cheeks done.
203
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,360
Well, I won't walk around with one
fat cheek and one thin one, am I?
204
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,240
What'll that do for me
low self-esteem?
205
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,240
A good implant can cost £20,000.
206
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,400
Even I would charge 10,000.
207
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,120
And that is mate's rates.
208
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,880
And cutting corners.
209
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,480
There must be a cheaper way.
210
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,760
Er, 'scuse me?
211
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:54,200
- I-Is this 117 B-Back...
- Yes, that's it.
212
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,800
So, do you want shish or doner?
213
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,680
Or we have very nice chicken?
Very nice.
214
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,040
Oh, no, I'm not here to eat.
215
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,280
I thought this was
a plastic surgery clinic?
216
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,880
I'm here for bum implants.
217
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,360
- Yes! You must be Mandy.
- Yeah.
218
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,080
Ah, yes, we have been expecting you.
219
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,080
- Let me give these a quick clean
before the procedure, OK?
- Yeah.
220
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,800
Come through. Come, Mandy,
come, come, come.
221
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,840
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
HE COUGHS
222
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,200
COUGH ECHOES
223
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,520
Oh! Hold on.
224
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,120
- Help?
- No.
- OK.
225
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,800
This way.
226
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,920
So...how big you want bum?
227
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,560
The bigger, the better, really.
228
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,640
Erm, at least as big as
Kim Kardashian's, if not bigger.
229
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,920
- You like Kim Kardash?
- Yeah.
230
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,880
You know she has all her
work done here?
231
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,040
- Really? Kim came here?
- Yes!
232
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,480
We have her photo here, look.
Look, look.
233
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,480
- What else did she have done?
- Everything.
234
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,440
She had everything done.
235
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:56,360
Her tits, bum, er, teeth,
lips, everything.
236
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,440
Maybe I'll get me lips done,
as well.
237
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,000
We do the bum first,
then I'll throw in the lips. OK?
238
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,760
- Done.
- Any garlic sauce with that?
239
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,560
- What?
- Ah, sorry.
240
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,280
- Habit.
- Oh.
- OK.
241
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,240
Sit down. OK?
242
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,080
Lie back.
243
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,280
Relax.
244
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,840
You are in the hands of
a professional.
245
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,480
- The other...
- Oh, yeah.
246
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:18,800
This is the bum.
247
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,720
Milkshake
by Kelis
248
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,960
# My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard
249
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,080
# And they're like, it's better
than yours
250
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,160
# Damn right, it's better than yours
251
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,240
# I could teach you
but I'd have to charge
252
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,480
# My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard
253
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,600
# And they're like, it's better
than yours
254
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,640
# Damn right, it's better than yours
255
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,720
# I could teach you
but I'd have to charge
256
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,760
# I know you want it
257
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,200
# The thing that makes me
258
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,160
# What the guys go crazy for... #
259
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,960
SHOP BELL JANGLES
260
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,400
Mandy! You are back!
261
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,200
How was Istanbul?
262
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,120
It is filled with history there,
isn't it?
263
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,720
- So romantic.
- Romantic?
264
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,400
It were mainly men spitting.
265
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,600
But the good news is,
I got me arse done.
266
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,120
What do you think?
267
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,200
Take that, Kim Kardashian!
268
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,880
Got me lips done, too.
269
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,920
Two-for-one - get one lip done,
get the other lip free.
270
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,600
Er... It looks a little bit sore.
271
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,320
Said they'd settle down after
a couple of months.
272
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,800
Well, let me take a closer look
at this famous bum.
273
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,560
Whoa! It is big.
274
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,080
Very big!
275
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,160
Is it getting bigger?
276
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,240
No! This is as big
as they said it could be,
277
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,880
otherwise it'd rupture and
I'd never be able to sit down again.
278
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,000
Imagine having to spend your
whole life standing up.
279
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,920
It'd be like being a Beefeater,
or summat.
280
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,840
No, it's definitely getting bigger.
281
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,840
The bigger, the better, eh, Lole?
282
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,160
Er, I don't think that is true,
Mandy.
283
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,560
Look, go and lay down.
284
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,400
I want to inspect your bum implants.
285
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,880
Ah. Mandy?
286
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,880
What did they use in the implant?
Silicone or saline?
287
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,440
Oh, nothing like that.
288
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,000
- What, then?
- Fat.
289
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,440
- What?!
- Lamb fat,
from the kebab meat.
290
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,560
They keep a load of it in
old ice-cream tubs.
291
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,600
That is not very hygienic, Mandy!
292
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,840
It's like something out of
Gordon Ramsay's Nightmare Kitchens.
293
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,400
I said no at first,
cos I'm trying to be vegetarian,
294
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,920
but they said it wasn't like
I was eating the stuff,
295
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,760
and that it was natural -
unlike these man-made implants.
296
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,960
Mandy, there is definitely
something wrong with your bum.
297
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,960
I think there's an infection.
298
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,320
But what I can do for you,
Mandy, for a small fee,
299
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,800
because we are best friends,
is to drain the abscess with
300
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,720
a hot needle and take away
the infection.
301
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,120
Get the pus out.
302
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,240
- Would you like me to do that
for you, Mandy?
- Yes, please, Lola!
303
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,440
OK.
304
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,600
Let me just go and get one of the
needles I use for the ear-piercing.
305
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,120
This might hurt a little bit.
306
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,520
MUFFLED SCREAM
307
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,080
Ah. I haven't done it yet!
308
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,200
That wasn't me!
309
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,800
Help!
310
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,160
It's coming from outside!
311
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,560
Fire!
312
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,960
Help! Fire!
313
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,160
- What happened?!
- The lamp caught on fire!
314
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,880
The smoke-detector didn't go off!
315
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,560
- Smoke-detector?
- What smoke-detector?
- Please!
316
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,200
Save my baby, please!
317
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,200
BABY WAILS
318
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,720
I'm not a very good catch!
319
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,040
They used to call me
Butterfingers at school!
320
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,440
- Which is a form of microaggression.
- Please!
321
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,160
Don't worry!
I know exactly what to do.
322
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,560
Suzy!
323
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,400
Throw your baby onto my arse!
324
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,160
It will have a very gentle landing.
325
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,240
It's stuffed with rancid lamb fat.
326
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,000
Do it, Suzy!
327
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
It might be your only hope!
328
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,600
Don't worry, I won't charge you
for the damage in the flat.
329
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,240
Do it!
330
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,240
Wait!
331
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,880
If we're going to do it,
at least let us get it on camera.
332
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,240
We can monetize this
any way it goes.
333
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,400
- Come on, Suzy!
- Do it, Suzy!
334
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,680
Do it, Suzy!
335
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,160
- Do it!
- Ah!
336
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,360
Ah! Got you!
337
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,080
Well done, Mandy!
338
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,800
Although it's disgusting,
339
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,800
your bum has saved
a little girl's life.
340
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,240
And that's done wonders
for my self-esteem!
341
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,680
And look! The video has
already gone viral!
342
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,160
I've broken the internet!
I'm bigger than Kim!
343
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,400
- Me next!
- No!
344
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,440
Agh!
345
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,520
# Look at that booty
Show me the booty
346
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,360
# Gimme the booty, I want the booty
347
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,120
# Back up the booty
I need the booty
348
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,480
# I like the booty
Oh, what a booty
349
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,320
# Shakin' that booty
I saw the booty
350
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,160
# I want the booty
Lord, what a booty
351
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,600
# Bring on the booty
Give up the booty
352
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,680
# Lovin' the booty, round booty
353
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,520
# Down for the booty
I want the booty
354
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,800
# Huntin' the booty
Chasin' the booty
355
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,680
# Casin' the booty
Gettin' the booty
356
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,880
# Beautiful booty, smokin' booty
357
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,360
# Talk to the booty, more booty
358
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,080
# Fine booty... #
26266
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