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Mandy by Barry Manilow
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♪ Oh, Mandy, well, you came,
and you gave without taking
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♪ But I sent you away, oh, Mandy
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♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
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♪ And I need you today, oh, Mandy. ♪
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So the job would be to assist
a sewer technician,
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also known as a flusher.
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Your job would be to be part
of the team responsible for clearing
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and cleaning the sewers of fatbergs,
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massive globs of congealed fat
and waste.
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Does that sound like something
you'd be interested in doing?
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Does it fuck.
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Er, you'd be working in the evenings
on a four-hour shift...
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What, just four hours?
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Well, yeah, you'd be working alone,
most of the time,
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just guarding the sewer.
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So they're saying this needs to be
someone who's able to stay occupied
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whilst on duty. Occupied?
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What does that mean?
What, just, like, stay awake?
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Yeah, that's the minimum
that's asked of you.
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They don't set a lot of hurdles for
people who want to work in sewage.
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Right, well, I'll take it.
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Well, hang on,
you need to meet the manager first,
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and then he'll decide
whether or not to take you on.
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Right, fine, well, book me in.
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OK, erm,
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you will wear something
more appropriate, won't you?
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What do you mean?
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Well, it's just very...
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Hey, eyes up, eyes up!
I'm not, I... Mm.
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I'm up here. Hello. I wasn't...
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You mucky devil!
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I have a good mind to report you.
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Others might come forward.
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Di-Gue-Ding-Ding
by Michel Legrand
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Well, we've never had a woman
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who wanted to work down the sewers
before.
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Well, you've never met
Mandy Carter before.
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You know it stinks, right?
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What does?
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The sewer.
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Have you tried air fresheners?
Air fresheners?
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You'd need a scented candle
the size of Eccles
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to mask that stench.
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Well, it's fine by me.
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I don't have much of
a sense of smell anyway.
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All right.
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Do you know what this is?
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Is it a wet wipe?
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This, Mandy, is the sewer man's
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number one enemy!
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Ignorant people throw wet wipes
down the loo,
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where they combine with congealed
fat, cooking oil, food waste,
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condoms and excrement,
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to produce...
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..one of these -
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a fatberg, a mass so big
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that it blocks the entire sewer,
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causing a dangerous build-up
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of explosive methane gas.
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Now, you know, the facts,
are you still interested?
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It's only four hours a shift,
isn't it?
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Yes. Count me in.
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We tend not to ask too many
questions of anybody who wants to
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go down the sewers, but,
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just for the form,
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can you swim?
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Erm, no, no.
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Why would I need
to be able to swim?
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It's a pipe full of shit, love.
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You fall in,
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you can't swim,
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you drown in a pipe full of shit.
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You see him?
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Albert Pertwee.
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Fell in. Couldn't swim.
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Drowned in a pipe full of shit.
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You see him?
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Lance McFadden.
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He's dead.
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You know why? Did he,
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did he drown in a, in a,
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in a pipe... Pipe...
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..full of sh... ..full of shit.
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That's why we ask
for a swimming certificate.
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I like you, Mandy.
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I think you're a good egg.
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I'd like to have you down
my pipes
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but if you haven't got
a swimming certificate,
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no, can do. Them's the rules.
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Health and safety.
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Well, I could learn how to swim.
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Ooh-hoo hoo-hoo hoo!
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You're keen!
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You bring me that swimming
certificate within two weeks,
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and the job's yours.
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Oh! Fantastic!
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Why do you want to work in a sewer?
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It's only four hours a shift,
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no-one breathing down my neck,
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and who knows, Lola,
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might meet Mr Right down there.
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First, though, I've got to learn
how to swim.
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Oh, that's easy.
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Just go down to your local
swimming baths on a Wednesday,
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between two to three.
No-one is ever there at that time.
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Oh, right.
Yeah, I'll do that.
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What about technique, though?
Can you swim, Lol?
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Yes! I can swim like a fish.
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I was going to do the cross-Channel
swim to raise money
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for Comical Relief,
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but I swallowed a cap
on the training run
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and I had to miss it.
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Learn to swim, Mandy.
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It might save your life.
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What am I going to do
till Wednesday?
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I know. I'll go to the library,
get a book out and out to swim.
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Practise the theory.
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Vikings?
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Pigeons.
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I see we have the same interests.
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Eh? Vikings and pigeons.
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You what?
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Can I help you with anything?
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I'm looking for a book on swimming.
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There you go.
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Hope it helps.
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Ta.
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Ooh,
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just give that a wipe.
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I can't bear dirtiness.
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Muck.
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Thanks.
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Oh, erm,
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I was wondering if you'd like to
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come to a restaurant with me,
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sometime?
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Are you serious?
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Yeah.
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Me?
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Yes.
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Why?
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So that we can eat food
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and talk about
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pigeons, or Vikings.
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All right. Yeah.
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Erm, Monday at 6pm, Piccolino's?
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They've got a hygiene rating
of five.
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Ooh!
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Yeah, all right.
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Yeah, well, I'll, I'll,
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see you then.
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Oh, what's your name?
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Andrew.
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I'm Mandy.
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I know,
I looked it up on the system.
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Oh.
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I also saw that you owe us a fine,
as well.
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We never received
"Fifty Shades of Grey" back.
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It weren't for me.
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I were reading it
to a blind woman.
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Well, that's OK.
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I can just make that fine disappear.
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Thanks. See you.
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Lynne, I'm really not feeling
very well.
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I think I've got food poisoning.
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I might have to sit this one out.
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Oh, shit! Where's me costume?
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Jump In The Line
by Harry Belafonte
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♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora
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♪ Shake your body line
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♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora
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♪ Shake it all the time
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♪ Work, work, work, Senora
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♪ Work your body line
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♪ Work, work, work, Senora
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♪ Work it all the time
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Fucking hell!
# My girl's name is Senora
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♪ I tell you, friends, I adore her
Oh!
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Oh, Jesus Christ!
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♪ And when she dances, oh, brother
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♪ She's a hurricane
in all kinds of weather
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♪ Rock your body in time
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♪ OK! I believe you
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♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
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♪ OK! I believe you... ♪
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I can't swim! I can't swim!
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Help!
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♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora
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♪ Shake your body line, whoa!
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♪ Shake... ♪
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♪ Work, work, work, Senora
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♪ Work your body line
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♪ Work, work, work, Senora
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♪ Work it all the time
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♪ Senora dances calypso
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♪ Left to right is the tempo
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♪ And when she gets the sensation
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♪ She'll go up in the air,
come down in slow motion
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♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
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♪ OK! I believe you
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♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
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♪ Somebody help me!
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♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
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♪ OK! I believe you
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♪ Jump in the line... ♪
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Argh! Oh, my God!
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They don't give certificates now,
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as they're trying to cut down
on paper,
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but I have got this picture of me
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winning a synchronised
swimming gala.
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Will that do?
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That'll do it for me. Right.
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Here you are. Put these on.
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You can start tonight.
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It's emergency! Emergency!
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Code red! Follow me!
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Right, lads,
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what we've got is a super fatberg,
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17 metres across,
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causing a build-up
of combustible methane.
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When the sewage enters the tank,
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it will instantly overheat
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and vaporise approximately
7,000 cubic metres of effluent,
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giving rise to a significant
thermal explosion.
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00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:16,040
Everything within a 30-kilometre
radius will be completely
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covered in shit.
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The release of effluent
will be severe.
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00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:27,800
It will impact all of Clifton, Bury,
Prestwich and Stoneclough,
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00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,920
Manchester, Salford, Trafford Park,
Stretford.
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Well, most of East Lancashire.
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Radcliffe will be completely
uninhabitable for 40 years.
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No change there, then.
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00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,480
But, lads, I believe
we have a solution.
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00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,960
We need three workers who know
the facility well enough
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to make their way through the
pertinent channels till they come
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to the sluice gate valve,
where they can pump out the tank.
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00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,520
It is that simple.
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00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:08,000
But let me warn you,
and I'll not mince words,
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00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:13,120
whoever does it will likely
be dead within a week.
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00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,440
Why would we do this?
For what?
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00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,880
Why should you do it?
243
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,840
Yeah. because it must be done.
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00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:24,480
Lads, this is what is always
set our people apart.
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Hundreds of years of sacrifice
coursing through our veins,
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00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:34,760
every generation must embrace
its suffering so you make your peace
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00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,480
with it and go into the water
because it must be done!
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00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,320
Frank Crickley.
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00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,560
Trevor Hargreaves.
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00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,080
Mandy Carter
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Sorry, what's going on?
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Didn't really understand
any of that.
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It's my first day.
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This, guard this with your life.
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00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,040
This... This is your lifeline.
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00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,960
This is your methane detector.
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00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,720
Good lad.
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00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,120
Mandy, are you there?
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00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,480
Yeah, I'm here.
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What's your methane reading, Mandy?
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00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,120
Er...
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00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,840
My needle's in the red!
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00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,000
This is worse than I thought.
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You're trapped in a giant methane
pocket and what you've got to do
265
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,880
is make your way to the sluice
gates as quickly as you can
266
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,360
and release the gas.
267
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,200
My battery's dying!
268
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,160
Hang on, I've got my fags here.
269
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,520
I'll use my lighter. Mandy, no!
270
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,840
The gas!
271
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,360
Good evening, sir.
Can I get you another drink?
272
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,880
No, she should be here in a minute.
Thank you.
273
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,000
OK, no worries.
274
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,680
Oh, sorry, I'm late.
275
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,440
Oh, God, you haven't got a wet wipe
on you, have you?
276
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,080
I know they're bad for the
environment, but they're really
277
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,120
handy, you know,
if you can't get to a sink.
278
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,960
Oof.
279
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,400
I am famished.
280
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,960
What you having.
281
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,680
Got meat loaf sliders.
282
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,680
Jump In the Line
by Harry Belafonte
283
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,360
♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
284
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,800
♪ OK, I believe you
285
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,480
♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
286
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,120
♪ Somebody, help me
287
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,600
♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
288
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,320
♪ OK, I believe you
289
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,840
♪ Jump in the line,
rock your body in time
290
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,480
♪ Whoa-oh
291
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,760
♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
shake your body line
292
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,800
♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora,
shake it all the time
293
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,160
♪ Work, work, work, Senora. ♪
20407
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