Original subtitles

IAIN STIRLING: Previously on Love Island...

# Sweet dreams are made of this... #

I want us to be back at how we were before.

Mm-hm. ..unfinished business...

I want all of you. Like, just don't wanna be your mate.

Do you know what I mean? It's, like, all or nothing.

..love triangles... They're going to the Hideaway.

We could be in trouble after tonight.

It's a risk you've gotta take sometimes.

She's such a sneak-bitch.

# Hold your head up... #

We did have a kiss. You're weird!

HELENA: HE took ME to the Hideaway, mate!

IAIN: ..and the double departure.

TEXT ALERT

"Those with the fewest votes

"will be at risk of being dumped from the island tonight."

Ben... Remell...

..Harry... ..Toni...

..Shakira... ..Megan.

The boy... The girl... With the fewest votes...

And therefore dumped from the island...

is...

Remell.

Megan.

IAIN: Tonight... Oh, that looks juicy.

..it's Snog...

Oh, my God. The hands.

..Marry...

Don't drop it!

..Pie.

Open your eyes!

CRYING: Everything's just gone to shit.

MUSIC: 'Embers' by James Arthur

# Wasn't all that you needed... #

Megan and Remell are dumped. So very, very sad.

But on the plus side, Alima wanted to avoid Remell tonight,

and that's gonna be a piece of cake now.

Every cloud, eh?

# I'm still not healing

# Cos you're the one I should be with... #

Be blessed, man. Brother.

Do you hear that, bro? Be blessed.

I can't believe it.

My heart's racing.

There's nothing you can do. Keep slaying for me, guys.

# When we fell Like the autumn leaves, oh, aye... #

Genuinely gutted.

So happy the last couple of days... just getting to know you.

HE CRIES, SIGHS

I didn't even know what to do, to be honest with you.

HE SNIFFLES

It's really weird that I would get the girl

who I actually really, really wanted.

You waiting for me? Yeah, I'll wait for you.

THEY LAUGH

I have to give you this as well.

You need to bring this home with you.

SOFT LAUGH

You're the sweetest thing of all.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Do you want a kiss?

# I think about you now and then It hurts me a little

# And I'm sorry But it haunts me a little... #

It's been real. It's been... It's been...

It's been love, and I wish the best to all of you.

I love every single one of youse. I'm gonna miss youse all.

MEG: Love you Remell. Love you Megan.

OVERLAPPING GOODBYES, CLAPPING

WHOOPING

REMELL: My time in the villa was fun.

Spontaneous, I don't regret anything I've done.

The only thing I might change is, you know,

actually re-coupling up with Poppy.

It's shit timing for me personally, because obviously,

starting to see things through with Conor. And that stuff goodbye.

But it is what it is. It's out of our hands.

# All that I wanted Wasn't all that you needed. #

Oh, Megan as well, mate. Can't believe that.

I didn't even expect it to be in the bottom three, but...

You all right, Con? Yeah.

I know you may not wanna talk now, but just talk to us

whenever you're ready, mate. Yeah.

We all know how hard that is, mate.

WHISPERS: Oh, no.

I feel so bad for Conor. That could have been anyone of us.

I thought it was me, for sure.

Well, it's not you, babe. You're here.

Thankful.

When Conor heard the news that Megan was leaving,

his heart leapt right up to the top of his head.

And apparently, it got stuck there.

I genuinely, like, 100%, hand on my heart, firstly,

do not think that anyone is gonna come through that door

who I fancy more than Megan.

I feel like I'd actually look at her as a girlfriend on the outside.

Like, 100%. I genuinely think, like, I was looking at her all the time,

the only thing I was thinking was, "Could you be my girlfriend?"

And every time, I was like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes."

There was nothing to say no. Yeah.

Talk to me. TONI SIGHS

So, we're both in a shit place with our men. Yeah, we are.

He sat here and lied to my face and lied to my face

and lied to my face and lied to my face. I know.

Are you OK, my love?

Oh, my God, he just grabbed Helena's waist.

Oh, my God, I can't. He's giving her more affection than you.

Erm, let's go... We're getting daggers.

We're getting absolute daggers. Who, me and you? Yeah.

That's actually a pisstake. I hate men.

Go to the hideaway together.

How are you feeling? Go on.

Yeah, I feel all right, just shit to be losing my girl.

Yeah. Your closest friend in here, innit? Mm-hm. Yeah?

Oh, my God, he's such an idiot.

I would say maybe he's getting confused with the red dresses,

but he knows what he's doing.

I just wanted to check you was OK. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah?

Oh, my God, look at them. My gosh.

She, like, had her head on his shoulder and stuff.

Oh, God!

How do you feel about the whole obviously Toni situation as well.

She's making out that I broke girl code and stuff like that.

But I was thinking, "But you're not really my girl in here."

It would be breaking girl code if I did it to, like...

Your close girls, innit. Meg or Megan or Emily.

But, like, they're not my mates. What's she saying to you?

Erm, she expected me to pull her and tell her first.

I'm like, why was I ever gonna do that? You know what I mean?

I might go... This is what I was saying to her.

I don't know why you thought I was gonna come up to you

and pre-empt that I might be going to the hideaway with Harrison.

And I might... And we might kiss. Yeah, that's why I was like...

You're saying this like I was aware of this whole thing.

They don't even look good together. Just let them do their thing.

If they crack on, then they're out the way. Don't think about them.

I feel like me and her are done now. I don't know. Do you think?

I think so. I just think she went about it the wrong way.

Never gonna wanna go strawberry picking again, are you?

HE CHUCKLES No.

Can take you this time, I think.

Can I have a hug? Need my hug today.

I'm sick to my stomach. Just let them do their thing.

You have one hug a day. Yeah, one hug a day.

He's shown his true colours now. He's the dumb-arse.

They can go be happy together. Yeah, they can be happy together.

What's happening? What's happening, player? Chilling?

Still head scrambled, though, man. See, I like them both, innit.

It's no good for both of 'em but it's good for you.

Like, I've been there, mate. I've been there before.

I still do want to talk to Tone.

Hello. All right, Shakira?

You coming to join us? Yeah.

Knobhead Squad. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Except me. Why am I part of that squad?

SHAKIRA CACKLES

Are we friends now? Friends?

Yeah. Have you apologised?

To... Toni?

No, I've not apologised. I want to give her time.

I don't want to... It's nothing to do with time.

I don't want to be all up in her space

after I've just told her I've kissed another girl.

I thought she wants time away from me.

I don't think she wants to hear from me.

All she's seeing is, "Oh, he's made his choice very clear,

"and he's cracking on with Helena, and everything's been fake."

It does look like that.

I don't think she wants to talk to me right now, though.

I think she would have appreciated an apology.

Obviously, you're coupled up together and she's been stood up.

That says a lot to her, doesn't it?

No, I don't want... I didn't want her to go home at all.

Have you said that to her? No.

She's not a mind reader. I've not had a conversation with her.

Exactly. You've not had a conversation with her.

I was gonna let the dust settle then tomorrow, go about it the right way.

If you were gonna let the dust settle,

you wouldn't have spoke to Helena either, would you?

It wasn't about our situation. I was just checking she's OK

cos her best friend's just left.

Toni was just about to leave. Yeah, but...

It looks like you're picking. I'm not.

If you're saying you're not picking, it looks like it.

You gonna talk to her? Yeah.

I'm gonna send Yas over to you, man.

Don't do that.

YASMIN: Just be calm. No, no, no.

Be calm. No, no, no. Be calm. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

I'm trying. Can we have a chat?

I don't want your pity chat. Huh?

I don't want your pity chat. What do you mean?

I don't need you to have to listen to other people to come chat to me.

It's not a pity chat.

Yas, can you give us a sec, please? Yeah. Thank you.

Shall I sit here?

WHISPERS: Toni, calm down, calm down.

You OK? I'm fine.

I'm just coming over to see if you're OK.

Go ahead, say what you gotta say.

You don't wanna hear it? You sat there touching on her.

I was checking she was OK cos her best friend's just left.

You would think you would check on the girl

you're coupled up with first.

I didn't know you wanted to talk to me.

I've just said the same thing to Shakira. OK.

Cos it makes me feel better that you're talking to her.

How do you expect me to react when the last conversation we had,

I've told you I've kissed another person...

And I was just stood up there about to go home and you go check on her.

You just walked away.

The same girl that you just kissed in the Hideaway.

You sound stupid. You're not even sorry.

I don't need to say I'm sorry.

I'm saying I'm sorry for making you upset.

And then you continue to do so. But we're open.

I'm not sorry for exploring the connection

because I've told you so many times that we are still open.

Exploring a connection and taking a girl to the Hideaway and kissing her

a day after we go on a date...

I'm sorry for making you upset.

Do you accept my apology? No.

That's not how you apologise to people.

And we said repeatedly we're open.

There's a difference between open and disrespectful,

and you've disrespected me tonight.

Speak to you later, I suppose.

HARRISON CLEARS THROAT

# I see a man in the mirror I see a blurred-out figure... #

IAIN: Poor Megan.

One minute, Maya Jama from Love Island is asking her

to choose Conor or Tommy.

The next, Mandy from easyJet is asking her

to choose the tapas snack box or Pringles.

For the rest of them, though, it's time for bed.

# How could this have happened? I'm feelin' abandoned

# I'm breakin' up... #

There's one thing with being open,

and there's another of being disrespectful,

and you're being disrespectful.

He had so many opportunities today to just be open with you.

I do feel bad for Con, though. I know.

He made it clear since day one he liked Megan,

and he finally got there with her and then she's gone.

No way did anyone expect Megan.

# I'm done with thinkin' about it But my heart won't allow it

# I'd rather be numb

# I'd rather be numb, ah, ah

# Won't somebody take this pain And make it all just go away? #

What a night, guys! It's just a weird feeling.

And, obviously, with Remell as well, like, he was like a brother to me.

I really, really look up to him.

Even though, like, you know, things didn't work out,

he was still a big part of my Love Island journey,

and so I just wish him all the best.

Con, what about you, mate?

That's a tough night for you, innit, obviously?

I talked to her upstairs, yeah,

but there's so many things that I didn't get to say.

You don't realise, do you, how close we all are

and how easy it is for just one person to be gone

for it to be impacted.

Yeah. Night, guys. Night, Tone!

# I'm done with thinkin' about it But my heart won't allow it

# I'd rather be numb

# I'd rather be numb To all the pain that has found me

# Cos it's all around me I'd rather be numb

# I'd rather be numb I'd rather be nu-u-umb

# Ooh, I wish I was numb

# I wish I was I... I wish I was numb. #

# Heaven knows I need your escape Ever you go, hell, I'll be straight

# Back to those demons that I knew Back to the me before you... #

IAIN STIRLING: Several Islanders have just spent a night in bed

with someone who thinks they're a complete and utter waste of space,

which is unpleasant, but also a handy dry run for marriage.

Morning. Morning.

Sleep OK? Mm.

Con, how are you feeling?

CONOR SIGHS I don't know, really.

Yeah, I suppose I have to just move on.

# I was runnin' from myself Runnin' from my mind... #

Morning.

I think last night was such a heavy night.

Like, everyone's slept on things now.

Hopefully, everyone can sort things today

cos you don't know when it's your last, do you?

# And heaven knows I need your escape

# Ever you go Hell, I'll be straight

# Back to those demons that I knew Back to the me before you... #

It's definitely an emotional roller-coaster.

# Back to me before you, no Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Back to the me before you Before you... #

Is that my coffee?

Perfect. You're welcome.

# Heaven knows I need your escape Ever you go, hell, I'll be straight

# Back to those demons that I knew Back to the me before you. #

We've got one missing on this daybed today. I know.

It doesn't make sense. It don't make sense.

It must have been about the Tommy situation.

Yes, Remell left as well,

but I feel like we knew that was gonna go one way or the other. Yeah.

How do you feel now you've slept on it, Con?

Obviously, a big one for you last night.

Megan's a fucking... That's a sickening one, really.

I don't know if someone's gonna come in that I feel like that about.

What about you, G? What's the plan of action, mate?

Obviously, you have just seen two go home, like, out of nowhere, almost.

Yeah. The guys going home last night made me realise

that you just can't sit and wait around, really.

You've got to do what you wanna do.

So, yeah, I think today, I'm gonna turn up the heat on Yas. Yeah, nice.

Long, long night. I don't regret anything I did. Mm.

It wasn't nice seeing Tone upset, man.

She just thought me taking Helena to the Hideaway

right in front of her face before even speaking to her that night

was just a bit rash. So, what's your plan of action for today?

I think I'm just gonna speak to both of them, bro.

That's what you need to do, bro. You're here to explore connections.

Don't pull him. He's gonna pull you for a chat today.

So when he does talk to me, what the fuck am I supposed to say?

You've shouted at him yesterday. Today, just speak calmly.

Do you know what I mean? You already know, like,

"Oh, that behaviour's not what I would want in a man."

I hate shit vibes in here. I need to speak to Harrison, though.

Because, like... And I hate the divides in groups.

..I need to know what he's actually doing with Toni now. Yeah.

Because he's coming to me and being all cuddly and kissy and stuff.

But I don't wanna be cuddling and kissing him.

Like, I understand for her, yeah, it's shit at the end of the day

when you like a boy, and obviously, he's more open than you are.

It's really shit. Like, I can sympathise in that sense.

But I just don't like her calling you weird, calling you a bitch.

Do you know what I mean? I don't have to lower myself

to be shouting across the fucking garden. No, you don't.

What about you, mate? How's things with you?

Yeah, yeah, no, I just feel grateful to be here, boys.

I stood up there yesterday, and I didn't feel like it was my time.

But, look, I'm excited where things are going with Shakira.

But she does love to get involved in...

Yeah, it's getting a bit too much now for my liking. ..everything.

I'm close with Shakira,

but it's getting a bit too much for my liking now.

Everything that goes on here, she's in the middle of it.

I don't really know how to handle it.

Like, I don't love it, do you know what I mean?

But it's not gonna put me off her.

IAIN: The trees in this villa grow so fast, one minute, nothing,

the next minute, they're coming through the walls.

Look, no tree, boom, tree!

Spanish Miracle-Gro is something else.

Giorgio. Yeah. Do you wanna go for a chat?

Let's go. Where do you wanna ago? Shall we go mini fire pit?

Mini? Yeah. Let's go.

Enjoy getting cooked! Get nice and sweaty.

How are you feeling today? Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better.

I feel like last night was such a heavy night for everyone.

Yeah, there was so much going on. I know.

And we weren't involved in the drama at all. I know.

And I feel like two people going home and stuff,

but you've kind of... you've walked in at such a...

Crazy time. ..mental time. Yeah.

Everyone's saying about how, like, nice you are and how...

Eurgh, I don't want people to think I'm nice.

No, about how much they actually think you're a nice person. Yeah.

I'm, very, very comfortable on my own. Yeah.

But I don't wanna be on my own. Mm.

Like, I want to find someone to do life with. Yeah.

That's nice, like. It's what you want.

What about you as well? You're obviously... single.

Yeah, I'm kind of like single. Well, I'm still coupled up with Ben.

So, what are you...? What are you like as a sleeper?

Do you snore? I do like a cuddle.

Yeah, a cuddle. I don't snore.

Do you like to pillow talk in bed? I do, yeah.

It feels like complete alone time. It does, doesn't it?

When you're just... It's just you and the other person. Yeah.

Like, the build-up to that. Oh, my God, yeah.

The tension's the best part. Do you know what?

I think teasing's actually probably my favourite thing to do. Do you?

Yeah, I think building up the tension is the best thing ever.

So you're a proper tease? Yeah, I know, it's quite naughty.

But that's just me, to be honest. Why? That's the worst.

I know, it's torture, isn't it? What about getting teased yourself?

I like it both ways. Do you? Yeah.

How did you...? Like, you and Harrison and Toni?

I probably would like to speak to Toni,

but I just want to give her a bit of space and stuff.

I think with Toni, even yesterday, obviously, she's irate,

things will be said out of context and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

But at the same time, like,

I do completely get where she's coming from.

It is shit when you're having...

Like, you think you're in a really good headspace.

But it's... From my perspective, it's him.

His age plays a little bit into this at the moment, cos I think, like...

He's what, 22, right? 22.

You just need to be honest in these situations.

Toni, Toni, Toni. Am I safe to sit here? Go for it.

HE GROANS

How are you? Fine.

Are you still mad about the whole situation?

No, it makes me feel so good (!)

No, but I thought maybe if you had a sleep on it,

you'd be able to come out of the madness stage.

Can you tell me how you're feeling without a sarcastic answer, please?

Horrible. Horrible?

Stupid. Embarrassed.

I just think where we're not, like, seeing eye-to-eye

is that we've said we're open.

I don't know how any times I have to repeat myself.

Open and disrespect are two different things.

You disrespected me last night. She can have you.

I'm not gonna have you make me look like an idiot.

So, are you saying you're done?

I mean, Harrison, come on, I'm not a love triangle-ass bitch.

I'm way too good for that.

It could had been civil between them.

He could have told her how he felt, they could have left it as friends,

but now she feels like he's mugged her off, and she's embarrassed.

Yeah, I mean...

Please don't get upset.

I just hate looking like an idiot. You don't look like an id....

Why do you think you look like an idiot?

You don't look like an idiot at all.

Come on.

OK. Don't be upset. Easy for you to say.

IAIN: Tommy and Giorgio are baring their souls,

and those souls are looking lovely.

That's the magic of an Iain Stirling pedicure.

Go to my website for further details.

Obviously you come into a situation like this... Yeah.

..and every conversation that you have with a girl

would technically be like a date on the outside. Yeah.

Like, you could go for a drink and have a chat

with someone for an hour

and you wouldn't see them for a week or something.

And then that evening, you're then having another chat

to someone for another hour, getting to know them a bit more,

knocking down a few more pegs. And then that night,

you're spending the night with them in the same bed! Exactly.

TEXT ALERT, SHE GASPS

Oi!

Got a text! Oi, oi!

READS TEXT

Yay! Oh!

LAUGHTER

READS TEXT

# It's about to be Good, good, good, good... #

BOTH: Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie!

Whoo! I've been waiting for this one!

Ben's in trouble. Ben's in serious trouble!

I'm in trouble, bro. Yeah!

Snog, marry and pie!

I'm expecting a few pies today, but I'm actually here for it.

Oh, I'm fucking buzzing.

I don't even know who I'm gonna pie.

I was gonna pie Megan but she ain't here.

THEY LAUGH

# It's about to be good

# Good, good, good

# It's about to be good! #

IAIN STIRLING: Everyone wins with Snog, Marry, Pie.

The audience gets a Love Island classic,

the Islanders get to speak their minds,

and I get to sit back and do bugger all

for the entire game. Win-win.

This could be anyone. Give them a big fat snog.

The Islanders each choose one person to snog...

Go on, girl! Whoo!

Oh, it's still going, it's still going!

CHEERING Respect to it, respect to it.

So, I decided to snog this boy because he's easy on the eyes

and there's no-one else in here that I would like to snog at the moment.

That was a good kiss. Maybe... Maybe more tonight.

Send prayers, y'all.

..then choose one person to marry...

Can't believe I'm on my knees.

Yeah, he's gonna have all rings... All the rings on his hand.

I've decided to marry this boy because I think I really like

the way he carries himself in the villa.

Out of all the boys here,

he's the only one who's not made a girl upset yet.

That's nice, innit? CHEERING

..and of course... Steady on.

..one person to pie.

ALL: Come on, Alima! I wonder who she's gonna go to.

Shut up. I have no idea.

Well, you thought I was gonna kiss you, so...

ALL: Alima! Alima! Alima!

What's your reasoning?

I've seen the way you move in the villa.

Like, the way you speak to women, and about women,

and I don't like that, so... Well done, Alima!

CHEERING

# The boy can't keep the beat. #

Come on! Whoo! Go on, Barbie girl.

This is exciting, isn't it?

# Where the hell will she go? Nobody knows, nobody knows

# Ain't the first time Cos I've seen her before... #

Ooh! Well done, Hels!

Go on, H!

# Smell the perfume As you walk through the door

# I want to know Where the hell did you go? #

I snogged this boy because it's been a while

and I just wanted to test the waters.

And how were the waters? Choppy? I'll let you know later.

I knew you ain't coming to me.

# Yeah, you can't change her Can't blame her, can't tame her... #

Oh! Go for it, girl.

I chose to marry this boy because he kissed me

in the Hideaway last night, and that's marriage material.

That demeans of marriage. Good answer, good answer.

# Party all night, all night

# No, you can't tame her, no

# You can't tie her down When the night comes around

# So she's gonna Party all night... #

Bouncing it. Don't drop it! Oh, oh!

GASPING Poor Gio!

I pied G because he took the pie last night really well,

so I knew that he would take it well again today.

APPLAUSE

Come on, Shakira!

So many choices.

For old time's sake. Ha-ha!

Why is he still falling for it?

Oh, OK.

So, I snogged this boy because obviously I fancy the pants off him.

Maybe he's not quite husband material yet,

but we're getting there.

Rings, rings, rings.

Oh, it's gotta be for my Con. Oh! SHE LAUGHS

I actually think Conor is hubby material,

and, yeah, I think any girl would be lucky to marry him.

I love you, Shakira. Love you.

Oh! Save some for the rest of us, though.

Oh, look how high it is.

Come on, girl.

# If you want You can come to my party

# All the boys And the girls are invited... #

Yes! LAUGHTER

So, I decided to pie this boy

just in case it weren't clear the first time.

I think he still thinks he's in with a chance, though.

Yeah, I just thought I'd let the knobhead know.

It's no good at all.

It was only the other day you said that you know

I wasn't even trying it with you, and how we both said that,

so again, that's a bullshit comment. I've heard things from other people.

Stop contradicting yourself and come back to me.

I never said that. But I've heard it on the grapevine, Ben, so...

Go on, Megalodon! Go on, Meg!

Ha! The way you're all looking at me.

I decided to snog this boy because he's my man

and I wouldn't want to snog any of youse.

Pleasure, that.

# I don't care

# Wake up gorgeous every morning I'mma put a ring on it... #

My Tom-Tom. Oh, nice one, mate.

# Horse and carriage Cinderella, I'm that bitch... #

I've decided to marry this boy because he's my Tom-Tom

and I'd protect him at all cost, and he's just lovely.

Aw. Love you, Meg.

# Look at how I glow

# Sexy, yeah, you know... #

Go on, girl! Whoo!

# You gonna have to pray for it... #

HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

That was another big blow, bro.

I've decided to pie this boy

because the way he has been speaking to girls,

I just don't like it.

I don't think it's very respectful.

Sorry, I had to choose someone, and I know you'd take it.

Don't worry about it.

GIRLS CHEER

You wish.

# It's a dangerous game

# Locked in her gaze And you can't escape it... #

Oh, my God, the hands.

# Never replace it It's a dangerous game... #

I decided to kiss this boy because he's one of the only

that I haven't yet, and you looked good last night.

"You looked good last night"?

# Gotta make it out somehow... #

I wanna marry this boy because he may not be any more,

but he was Saint Connor when he was coupled up with me.

HE CHUCKLES Thank you, Toni.

Of course. Appreciated.

# You can give And she'll take it... #

Go on, Toni!

# It's a dangerous game... # You're not even worth it.

LAUGHTER, SHAKIRA SHRIEKS

# But her body is blameless You could never replace it... #

Harrison, I chose to pie you because I thought you were sweet as pie,

but it seems like you're just like the rest of them.

I feel that was a little bit bitter from you.

It is what it is, man.

Who's the lucky boy?

# In case you haven't noticed Well, everybody's tired... #

Come here, Tommy. Aww.

# Boy, come on Put your lipstick on... #

I kissed this boy because I've really been enjoying

getting to know him, and he just really knows how to treat a girl.

Cute!

She is the only girl in the villa that I really fancy at the minute,

so it was nice to have a little kiss with her.

# Yes, and? #

I would like to marry this boy because he's always there for me

when I need him, and he just treats my Meg the best she could.

This is Con.

It's gonna be the nicest pie ever, bro, so you'll be sweet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll probably feed it to me. Yeah, yeah.

# Now I'm so done with caring

What you think No, I won't hide... #

Are you gonna take it like a man? Go on, give it to me.

# Boy, come on Put your lipstick on... #

Oh, man! What a respectful pie.

I chose to pie this boy for obvious reasons. It's all done now.

Well done, Em. # Yes, and? #

# I'm so iconic... # Go on, Yas!

# My whole mood is iconic With tattoos so iconic, yeah

# I'm so iconic Walk in the room so iconic... #

SHAKIRA LAUGHS, SHRIEKS

# I'm so iconic

# Cos I'm, ooh, so iconic My whole mood is iconic

# With tattoos so iconic, yeah I'm so iconic... #

I've decided to snog this boy because I had a nice chat

with him earlier, and I just wanted to see

if he was a good kisser, which he is. Thank you.

Really, yeah? Of course.

GIRLS: Aww.

Another ring. I'm turning into Hugh Hefner.

# Look at you So astonished, yeah... #

He's such a darling. He is the sweetest man ever,

and he's husband material through and through.

Oh, buzzing. Cheers, Yas.

When this goes on me, does anyone want any of it?

Pile it on, girls. Last one, girls. Who's this gonna be for?

That is fucking mental.

It's got to be Ben. I don't know.

Open your eyes. No. Open your eyes. No.

No, no, open your eyes. No, cos it's gonna go in my eyes.

Open your eyes! Good boy.

GIRLS: Oh! SHRIEKING

MEG: It's not even him, it's D!

SCREAMING, LAUGHTER

I got time for it, I got time for it, whatever.

LAUGHTER

She came over to me, and she got me good, man. Fair play to her.

So I decided to pie this boy

because I don't like the way he's treated Toni.

I feel like he's mugged her off, and at the end of the day,

if you fuck with my friends, you get a pie to the face.

How have I mugged her off, though? What do you mean?

How have I mugged her off? Last night?

I've been telling her for the last ten days

that I'm open to getting to know... No, you haven't.

Toni, how many times have I told you we're open?

"Open" and "disrespectful" are two different things, pal.

I'm open, so... You're open, but you haven't been transparent,

and that's the problem.

Anyways, I'm not gonna argue with you. I told her four times.

I'm not gonna argue with you. Walk off, then.

Yeah, I will. Fuck off. Well done, Yas!

I can't believe we got caught in crossfire.

# With tattoos so iconic, yeah I'm so iconic. #

# Them boys them all want me Want me

# Them girls, like Get salty, salty... #

IAIN: It's time for the boys to do some pieing.

People actually pay good money

to watch familiar faces getting pied.

I go through ten cans of skooshy cream a night on my OnlyFans.

Go on, D. Go on, D. Go, Big D.

# Like the skin on my face

# Draw figure eight When me wine up my waist... #

# If you get a taste You gon' lick up the plate

# You wanna rub it up Touch it up Feel it up... #

DEJON LAUGHS

# On it all night All night

# If the lights went down Could you keep it up, baby?

# Keep it up, keep it up, baby... #

I kissed this girl because she's the only person I'd wanna kiss.

# Bet you wanna get some of my... #

Fuck it, I wouldn't wanna kiss anyone else (!)

# The boys dem all want me, want me Dem gyal a get salty, salty... #

Picked to marry this girl because I think she's amazing,

and I think she's beautiful inside and out,

and I think that anybody will be lucky to have her.

HELENA: Aww, that's nice.

HARRY: Just load it up, load it up.

# You wanna drop it down Pick it up, turn around, lift it up

# For you all night... #

Don't go too hard.

# Bet you wanna get Some of my dutty love, baby. #

I see. Respectful.

I'm pieing this girl cos I already pied her once, so...

I thought I'd pie her twice.

What a great reason (!)

When did he ever pie me before?

I was too busy in the Hideaway with his best mate Harry,

so I wasn't thinking about you, Dejon.

# Hard times

#Gonna make you wonder why You even try

# Hard times

# Gonna take you down And laugh when you cry

# These lives And I still don't know... #

Ooh! # Hard times, hard times... #

I snogged this girl

because I think there's always been undeniable sexual chemistry.

There's definitely a lot less now.

We haven't kissed in a while. I thought I'd give it another try.

# Gonna make you wonder Why you even try... #

It's awkward. Oh, no.

No. LAUGHTER

No good whatsoever. AWKWARD LAUGHTER

Oh, my God.

I would have married this girl, if she'd said yes.

Because I think in the week we've been couple up together,

she's shown a lot of qualities I look for in a partner.

Harry, I'm getting second hand embarrassment, get up!

# Gonna take you down And laugh when you cry

# And I still don't know How I even survive

# Hard times Hard times

# Hard times... #

Wasn't expecting that. Why did he do Em?

I chose to pie this girl

because I don't think we've really blew up any kind of friendship

in here, and I'm always wary of a girl that's too nice.

That's interesting.

HELENA: Are you OK, Em?

Yeah. Just a bit of a prick answer, to be fair.

All these gorgeous girls lined up.

MUSIC: 'Slightly Obsessed' by Alula

HE LAUGHS

I knew it wasn't gonna be me, mate.

# Seen you lying on the couch Popcorn flowing out the bowl

# Start putting on a show For me baby

# Cos you got it going on... #

I kissed this girl because you're a pretty girl,

and I'm interested in you, and we haven't had a kiss yet.

# Gimme more, gimme more... #

THEY LAUGH

Next one up. Next one, yeah?

# I think I might be slightly obsessed... #

I wanna marry this girl. Everyone can see you're wifey material.

You're genuine, you're pure hearted,

and you deserve to find someone in here.

Go on, give it a shake, Ben (!)

THEY SNIGGER

There's so many of you I could get, you know.

There's so many of you I could do right now.

# Can't stop, won't stop Gotta have it

# Gotta have it, gotta have it Won't stop, won't stop... #

I've pied this girl

cos I think you and your friends' attitudes all stinks.

I think you're always trying to get yourself caught up

in everyone else's business. Shouting across the garden.

Being a mouthy one on day one.

I just think you're not the kind of girl I'd go for. OK.

Go on, B. Yes, B!

Dickhead.

BOYS CLAP

He's so cute. He's so cute.

Surely, he kisses Em. He's kissing Em, isn't he?

Come on, Em. Aww.

# You wanna love me for me... #

There's cream on your nose. TONI LAUGHS

I chose to snog this girl because she's a sort.

She's got all the attributes that I look for in a girl.

Yeah, I just wanted to snog her. Aww.

But I swear the marriage one's way better, lads. Shut up, H.

# You wanna love me for me... #

I've chose to marry this girl because I think she's been

nothing but respectful in every situation she's been in.

I just think she's a really sweet, lovely girl. Cute.

There she is. There we go.

There's no hard feelings, I get on with all of you.

I had to choose someone. This stinks of Toni.

No!

Come on, then. What?

# I made it easy... #

Shakira, I love you, but just in situations,

there's a fiery confrontational side to you I don't like.

But that's the only reason I can give you.

I think you're a really nice girl. Thanks, T. That's all right, kid.

# I'm a new addition And fresh off the shelf... #

He's going straight to Yas.

# I'm first class I'm nothing typical

# So blessed Yeah, I'm a miracle... #

I chose to snog this girl because we've had

a couple of good conversations over the last couple of days,

and I'm keen to see where they're gonna go.

# I light it up Just like a rock star... #

You're a bit messy.

# Yeah, I'ma blow your mind I get what's mine... #

I chose to marry this girl because I think you've got a heart of gold,

and your smile lights up the villa. Aww. Thank you.

# Work hard, play hard Push it to the limit... #

Ooh, that looks juicy.

# Yeah, you gotta get it, work You gotta get it, you gotta get it

# You gotta work You gotta get it... #

I fucking knew that. It was obvious, wasn't it?

HELENA LAUGHS # I got a free ticket

# Can't stop, won't stop... # Fair play.

I chose to pie this girl because she pied me last night,

and since coming back here, it's been a bit of a nonstarter.

It was the only chance

that Giorgio was ever actually gonna get to pie me,

so he fucking ran with it. Fair play to him.

# Ooh, jiggy, jiggy So shake down... #

I don't know who he's gonna kiss.

# Do ya, do ya, do ya You gotta do ya, do ya... #

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. # Do ya thing... #

To be fair, she does look like Megan.

I chose to snog this girl

because I just think she's the fittest girl in the villa,

and I just wanted to do it.

# Do ya thing Let's go, let's go... #

Oh-ho-ho! That was smooth. Disrespect.

Aw, thanks, Con.

I chose to marry this girl because I find myself

coming to her for advice. She gives good advice.

I think I tend to lose my head sometimes,

so she will be able to keep me in check.

Thanks, Con, that was cute.

# Do ya thing

# Do ya thing

# Let's go, let's go

# All the dreams are yours All the dreams are yours

# All the dreams are yours... #

I decided to pie this girl

because I think we already tried to do something, and, yeah,

I made my decision, so I think I just need to stand on that now.

Fair enough. Go on, H! H!

MUSIC: 'Sue Me' by Sabrina Carpenter

# Remember when you said it There is no second chance?

# Oh, baby, I heard you been hoping You could change the past

# You miss the long good nights You miss the long goodbyes

# You miss the long good nights Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup... #

CHUCKLING: Fumin'.

So, I chose to kiss this girl

because we had a kiss in the Hideaway last night,

and I just wanted to do it again, man. A good kiss.

He's rubbing salt in Toni's wound. BOYS LAUGH

# Illegal

# So sue me For looking too pretty tonight

# Wearing your favourite colour Under the lights

# For moving on Doing everything right... #

So, I wanted to marry Toni

cos I feel like we've had a great ten days together,

but now I'm not so sure,

cos I feel like you're twisting my words

and not telling the girls the full story.

Divorce? Do what you want, man.

Why would you marry her, then?

Yeah, literally, why marry her, then?

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Use it up, boys. Use it up. Use it up.

BOYS LAUGH

That's crazy.

# So sue me for being good friends With your friends

# And running into you The place that we met

# For being something You can't forget

# So sue me... #

Nice (!)

# I, I, I I guess I'm hard to ignore

# Pick up that jaw Off the floor... #

So, I chose to pie this girl

cos I feel like she's always in my business

and always telling me off.

Obviously, she knows I love her, but, yeah, that's my reason.

PLAYFULLY: Fuck off. HARRISON CHUCKLES

# Everything right No, no, everything right, no, no, oh

# So sue me for being good friends With your friends

# With your friends Yeah, yeah, yeah

# And running into you The place that we met

# The place that we met For being something you can't forget

# So sue me. #

IAIN: While the Snog, Marry, Pie challenge was fun for some,

it's all proved a bit too much for Shakira.

What's going through your mind, girl?

Why the fuck would he kiss Helena?

Fucking idiots. Let them have each other.

I just feel so overwhelmed right now.

How's the snog with Harry? Unfinished business?

ALIMA: Yeah. I mean... Both of youse snogged each other.

It is unfinished business.

It's pretty fucking obvious, isn't it?

I was flying there. I got kissed twice,

I thought, you know what, I'll make a nice gesture to Shakira,

say I wanna marry her.

It's gone right the other way, hasn't it?

There's so much double standards, there's so much hypocrisy.

Tommy's like, "Oh, I have to pick someone."

No, but you still picked me, though.

I've never, ever said a bad word to him, or like... Mm-hm.

I've always been lovely to him. I just feel like what the fuck?

Exactly. What have I ever done to you?

It's always one of us three. Exactly.

They all lie to each other.

Shakira, that's why they get along with each other.

Yeah, but I'm sick of everyone painting me out

to be something that I'm not. We all are. I know.

It's so exhausting. Like, just because we're honest... I know.

..and, like, we don't say things behind people's backs.

# She's askin' for trouble Oh, that's what they'll say... #

I can handle all of them being bitches

when I've got a good thing with Harry, cos at least that's good.

At least me and Harry are good.

# If trouble comes heading Her way... #

And now everything's just gone to shit.

And all because of her. Yeah.

Shit's coming crashing the fuck down. Exactly.

She gets too many rings. Fuck off. Yeah, I know.

# Playin' with fire Playin' with fire... #

How can Helena take every person to the Hideaway

and then she's got a heart of gold and she's genuine?

Like, what is genuine about that?

# Playin' with fire Playin' with fire... #

Like, I'm so done.

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