Original subtitles

Josh Mullen was terminated

for abusing company resources

to make the following action series.

"Fatal Decision" does not reflect the views or opinions

of SCI Technical Manuals.

- Avenge, your dead sister, Jack. Avenge me, Jack.

My sister!

What the heck? That ticking woke me up!

No! A suicide bomb vest!

Dammit, Jack, you're too good a sleeper.

- Jack Maxwell, you once made me look like a fool.

Now it is my chance to return the favor.

Perform a one-man variety show

or it's bye-bye Jackie Boy.

- But it'll take weeks to mount that kind of production.

- Sorry. You're on in 15, Jack.

- Diction is done with the tip of the tongue and the teeth.

I'm Jack Maxwell.

If you wanna showcase my talent against my will,

you've just made a "Fatal Decision."

I'm great at parties,

but how the heck am I gonna host a one-man variety show?

- Your first routine is juggling.

- No fair. I wanna rap!

Hello, I'm Jack Maxwell,

here to showcase a variety of talents.

Commander, I didn't see you there.

Maybe you can get me started by tossing me those mugs.

- So good!

Okay, hot shot. Make 'em laugh.

- I'm no comedian.

Okay, guys, let's address the elephant in the room.

Sit, Bobo.

I am wearing a suicide bomb vest.

So when I say I don't want to bomb up here,

you know I mean it.

Oh, Mr. Maxwell, corduroy vest is so last season.

Why don't you try a bomb vest? It will look dynamite.

Dynamite!

- Boo! Boo!

Don't clap for him. He's no Sarah Silverstein.

- Ladies and germs,

the man who made the whole evening possible.

What curled up your butt and died,

Alvin, or all three of the chipmunks?

- Nothing! Nothing crawled up my butt!

- Roger.

- That's right, your old schoolmate from Westlake High.

He embarrassed me in front of the entire school.

He pulled down my pants, exposing my underbriefs.

Hi, you guys. You wanna play some backgammon?

- Roger, I pantsed you

because there was a bee on your shorts

and I knew you were allergic.

Wanna play some backgammon?

- I was saving your life.

- So you went through all that work

to embarrass Jack for nothing.

Your laughter, it's like the bees!

- Who wants to hear some freestyle rap?

♪ Y'all know nothing about Jack Maxwell ♪

♪ Did you know that he can tap dance and rap well ♪

♪ Oh, everyone's like, save me, please ♪

♪ Well, I will, especially if you're allergic to bees ♪

♪ What now? I'll punch your neck with pinpoint precision ♪

♪ 'Cause I decide to end your life ♪

♪ That's a "Fatal Decision" ♪