Original subtitles

My old man used to say, the one thing all Londoners and criminals have got in

common is we all have a good story.

Now, with the latter, it's probably because they're used to being banged up

nothing better to do with their time than have a good old natter.

But for some reason, all Londoners are the same.

If you listen carefully, the streets are brimming with towels.

It could be down the local boozer, at the school gates, or at the football

terraces. In the old days, it was over the back of a garden fence, although now

it's more likely to be in a coffee shop.

It's like it's woven into the fabric of our culture.

It's what connects our future to our past. And now this, this is my family

story, my history.

It's all I've ever known.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

And I guess the best place to start telling my tale is 11 months ago. Were

truly in the back of a motor on a very eventful car journey?

Crossing the Rubicon.

Henry's Tale.

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Here, lads.

What? Are we there yet?

If he keeps on, I'm a -shooting meself.

All right, then. Any chance of a drive -through? I'm famished.

Wakey, wakey.

Henry, Henry, Henry.

What are we to do with you?

Well, I don't know what you've got planned.

I've got to say.

Up until now, your hospitality's been on point.

Funny man.

You always were a funny man.

But you know what I don't find so funny? The fact you still owe me over 400

grand. Well, that is funny.

Cos I had the right laugh spending it.

Oh, that's the one!

Now, how about we stop with this tiggling and get on with the proper

we can all move on with our day?

I've got dinner reservations tonight.

You can be like that, gorgeous.

We all know how this plays out.

I have taken a liberty.

So you two have to inflict pain upon me, so I promise to pay muggings their

back. That's the first sensible thing you've said all day.

See how you're like this, you prick!

Don't worry about me.

I can breathe through my ears.

How do you think I'll go down on your mission?

He's doing it again. Stop fucking around and let him have it!

I promise to pay you back.

That's where we have crossed wires, Henry.

See, I fully intend to kill you.

Come on.

We both know that's a wicket.

Dead men don't pay their debts.

I'm pretty sure you can't pay me back.

Besides, I'm rich enough.

Wait!

I'll give you everything.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Jimmy's tale.

I fucking hate funerals.

I've always hated poxy funerals. Not just because of the obvious. Of course,

being an Italian -Irish Catholic don't help, as they're proper over -the -top

with the pomp and the pageantry of it all.

My father's house has many rooms.

If that were not so, would I have told you that I'm going there to prepare a

place for you? To be honest, the only thing that gives me the pox more than a

funeral is the wake of it.

Funerals are pony, but at least they're trying to be genuine. Unlike the wake

that follows, which is just full of people talking.

Sorry about your loss. He was a top bloke. See what I mean?

And we're meant to buy this fake pity.

Truth be told, Muggins here has only turned up to try and throw some business

the ferns way. I know today's not the day, but I've got a little bit of

for you.

And how about the prat over there who looks like he's pinched Buddy Ollie's

glasses?

It was Gabe when I found out. I thought the world of him.

They only met once, and that was only because the thief in the box used to set

up his wife when they were younger.

One in a million he was.

One in a million. See what I mean? The lying four -eyed slag. No one likes

sloppy seconds.

And over here you have the other usual suspects, the over -the -top

mourners. Is that fucking fair?

This is the deceased bit on the side. Ardy Berman's his answer to Anthony and

Cleopatra. And now we're getting to the home straight with the cliché wankers.

He's in a better place.

I know he's looking down and smiling.

How on earth do you know that? Where he lived his life, he's got more chance of

looking up and saying, let me out of here, it's fucking bacon, and this

cunt is getting right on my nerves.

I'm just thankful he died so quickly.

My aunt, she took so long to go, really suffered, really suffered.

Good that he died quick.

See, I was upset, but now I know the lucky prep went in a few minutes. I feel

stupid for feeling bad for him. And then you got my personal favourite.

Get it out of good innings.

I fucking hate cricket.

And that insult and injury, I'm pretty sure that that factory -loading mug over

there has just turned up for the free sandwiches.

No doubt about it.

Funerals are right pops in fast.

Fucking hate funerals. What a stupid thing to say.

What? I do hate funerals.

Yeah, of course you hate funerals. Everybody hates funerals. That's why

stupid thing to say.

As if it's some interesting point.

Or some geezer's going to come along, disagree and say, hello Charlie, hold

tight.

Funerals are wonderful.

Just saying.

Yeah, well you shouldn't, don't.

I fucking hate you.

I hate him and all.

Right poxy affairs. I told you.

Nothing worse than that silly pity stuff, mate.

Yeah, it's like with people in wheelchairs.

You what?

When people are dead, you have to be nice about them.

Same with people in wheelchairs.

So what are you saying there?

We've got to go around slagging off dead people, slinging all the raspberry

ripples out of their wheelchairs?

No, I'm saying that just because they're in a wheelchair don't mean they're a

nice person.

By the law of averages, at least a few of them must be a bit of a cunt.

Oh, yeah, you ought to put that on a T -shirt.

Now, Charlie's right. There's nothing worse than pretending to be sad.

I beat her a few funerals when I was happy the keys was in the box.

Yeah, you remember Lynn's funeral last year?

I savoured every moment of that day.

I always fucking hated her.

All right, Mick, we're just talking about funerals.

Well, ain't we a jolly bunch today.

Charlie's just saying how glad he is that Lynn died.

Nice. Well, I know.

She's all right, old slag.

And not in a good, fun way.

Shame about the cabbie, though.

Bit of a shock, that was.

Well, that was always on the cards.

The cabbie was the perfect mixture of gobby and bleeding obnoxious.

What has been wrongly gained is wrongly lost.

The cabbie's tale.

What are you doing for the coronation, anything?

I mean, I'm going to be one up her feet, double busy, do you know what I mean?

I'm meeting my daughter.

She's flying in from Canada.

6 .20 tomorrow morning.

That'll be lovely for you, won't it?

So, what's your name there, love, if you don't mind me asking?

Vanessa. Vanessa.

That's a lovely name.

So, 2180, but we could call it a score, eh? Oh, thank you. That's very kind of

you.

No worries.

That's your gaffer, is it?

Very nice.

Do you want to hand me your shot, then? No, I'm sure I can manage.

But thank you.

Scats. Oh, mate.

You ever got a live one for you?

Yeah. Proper minted.

Lovely. I'll be there.

Good day, madam.

I am Sergeant Gray from Muswell Hill Station.

What is this regarding?

Your daughter, Vanessa.

I have very great news, I'm afraid.

There has been an accident with her flight.

Oh, no.

Is she all right?

I really think we should continue this conversation inside.

Just sit still, love. Stay where you are.

No one's going to get hurt.

How can you live with yourself?

Look on the bright side.

At least your daughter ain't dead.

You bastard!

Please, please, not them. They've been in my family for generations.

And my daughter's getting married, and I want you to leave them... All right,

all right, all right. No worries, love.

I'm a big softie at heart, all right? Where shall I put it? Back in the box or

on the side?

In the box, if you don't mind.

Before I go, shall I make you a cup of tea?

Thank you.

White, please.

I'm going to have a look over here.

No sugar.

Tell me, love.

Is this dagger worth a lot of money?

I've no idea. My husband bought it back from one of his trips.

I think the thing's gasping.

Do you think I'm going to fall for that? Do you think I was born yesterday?

Come on, Gary. Enough is enough.

Stop larking about.

Come on, love. Turn it in.

Otherwise, I'm going to take the ring and the earrings.

Come on. Come on.

Still,

out with the old, in with the new.

Hey, Tom, how you getting on, mate? How you finding it on the phone?

Good. A man of many words.

That's why we're preferring you, you old bastard.

You go on like an old married woman.

No, no, listen.

Speaking of old married women. What do you mean, next door's a pervert?

What?

He keeps on looking at you.

In what way?

He keeps on looking at your tits.

I don't know about that, love.

No, I never said you was disillusional.

I just... find it very hard to believe that next door would be looking at your

front knees. Because I'm pretty sure next door is an iron. Now, listen to me

here, right?

Just because he's gay doesn't mean to say he's a pervert. And even if he was a

pervert, he wouldn't perv on you, would he?

Because you're a woman and he likes cock for fuck's sakes.

Listen, I've got to go now, right?

Yeah, because Mickey's here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Right now Mickey's more important than you

because he pays me.

So that I can buy you nice things.

Like them tits you wanted.

Fine.

Bye.

Love you.

Trouble in paradise.

Not half.

Oi, rabbit.

Any chance of your mum taking me back?

I think so, mate.

You know what they say.

Once better than all that.

Where's my son?

Where do you think?

Go get him, please.

Right, fellas, we've got a few issues.

One of our boys in blue on a payroll's just informed me the walk has been

nicked. Fucking hell, which one?

It's all, fella.

Go on, you cheeky girl, get down next time.

I'll see you soon, Jim.

Yeah, you will.

Now, don't look at me like that. I don't smoke. I hardly drink. Everyone needs a

little bit of advice. This is true.

It is the sins of a man that keeps them interesting.

You're married.

But if you insist on doing this kind of thing, you ain't going to do it under my

roof. I told you.

Don't shit where you eat.

Don't you worry about Sarah, all right? We've got an understanding.

She knows not to ask questions, and I know not to lie.

And Sarah's happy with this?

It's all a part of the understanding, Scats.

She likes spending my money, and I like fucking around.

What did I miss?

One of the walkers has been nicked.

Where was he nicked?

Why does that matter?

Depends what he's been caught with.

A bundle load of cash, or a shitload of coke.

Exactly. One outcome is slightly better than the other.

It's this side.

Coming on.

That's far from ideal.

What happens if he talks?

Says what exactly?

The walker has no point of contact to our end. And even if he wanted to turn

grass, all we can talk about is the caffeine island and the bins in Grove

You can always talk about the ferries.

There's a people who use the ferries week in, week out. We just need to

up our routine, that's all. We'll be taken as houses.

In the meantime, Rabbit, I want you to take Tommy under your wing.

Show him the ropes.

Rabbit. I went to Amsterdam and got off me nut.

Bunnied on a bit and the nickname stuck.

Bunnied on a bit?

You were so fucked you looked like you needed a carer.

And the lad's got no arse on. When he thinks it's coming on top, his arse

to twitch like a rabbit's nose.

Fuck off.

That's bollocks.

Take Tom to meet the postman. What, Nero? Again?

He thinks he's being bugged. I don't know why you bother with him.

Oi, he was a good soldier back in the day.

And we look after our own. Even if they are as mad as a box of frogs. So take

Tom to the end of the world for the meat.

Then after, go and see the mechanics firm.

Introduce them to Tom and all.

All right.

Well, come on in, sloppy bollocks.

You think he's kosher?

100%. Well, either way, he's still on probation, ain't he? Well, he looks like

coser to me.

You think everyone's a coser, Scats?

He wasn't there when Henry broke him.

Either kill or be killed.

Tom Selle.

A while back, before Henry fucked off on his toes, we caught that Tom and

another fella dealing in the club.

Obviously, we took him round the back for a little chat.

Fuck me. Stay to the necker.

What happened?

Lose the dance -off and take it badly?

Cop needs two mugs beaming on the premises.

No shit.

What have we here?

Two naughty boys come to play without their mummy?

I asked them who they're with.

They won't tell me anything.

That's a shame.

I guess we'll have to talk to them, won't we?

Ken, go fetch our cauldron and a furry friend.

I'll have some fun with this pair.

Tell me.

Do you know who I am?

Edgar, baby, do you think?

I'll ask you one more time.

Do you know who I am?

You seem a bit tongue -tied, Edgar.

You must be losing your touch.

Maybe it's time for something a bit more primitive.

I can wait.

I know who you are.

You're Henry Roman.

Very good.

Ten points for you.

I assume that means you know of our families, correct?

Very good.

Another ten points for you.

At this rate, we're well on track to win that fruit basket and a nice little

speedboat which you can keep in your flat.

Which is in.

Away from home.

One more final question for a bonus 100 points.

Are you fucking stupid?

Do you think you can do unprotected in my club? You'd be clapped.

Or did someone send you?

Well, Q King.

See, right now a cat's caught your tongue.

But in a minute, my furry little friend there is going to be crawling through

your innards.

Do you know how this works?

Genuinely stumped for an answer.

Well, let me explain.

This is a form of ancient Roman torture.

What can I say?

I've always been one for a touch of the theatrics.

What we do is we place that rat and that cauldron on your tum -tum before adding

the magical ingredient fire.

I think you can see where this is going.

See, as the cauldron goes to boil, the rat's going to fear for its life.

and start clawing and chewing and gnawing its way out.

See, at the end of the day, animals will do anything for self -preservation.

It's what keeps the species alive.

Apparently, it's a really awful way to die.

So I've been told, Edgar.

So I've been told.

Although I don't think anyone's ever lived to tell the tale.

Ken?

Tough guy.

Untimely. I dare you.

Maybe I don't want me tied up.

Fucking bit me!

What's wrong with you?

Who bites people?

North London.

We were sent by North London.

The Polacks?

A Muslim firm.

I owe them some money.

They said this was the only way to work off the debt.

And what about Nibbles here?

What can I say?

I love a good night out. He was nothing to do with it.

I know his cousin.

They said he was ex -army.

I paid him to escort me.

I knew nothing about it.

It's true.

How about this?

You go and fuck yourself.

And after you've fucked yourself, you come back here and fuck muggings over

here.

You, uh... You sure you want to play out that way?

Very good.

Ken, shoot him.

What the fuck was that?

You said shoot him? Yes.

With a normal fucking gun.

Not an anti -aircraft cannon.

You look like you're about to take on Air Force One, you soppy bastard.

Where'd you get that thing from, anyway?

A mate gave it to me.

Who's the mate?

NATO? Look at the mess you've made.

All right, calm down. I'll clean it up. Too fucking right you'll clean it up,

you moron. You.

You hold up well under duress. You look like you can handle yourself.

And as my friend's just blown your friend's flow into a thousand tiny

assume you're looking for employment.

Ken,

don't just stand there. I'll tie the man.

I shall see you first thing Monday morning for orientation.

And don't be late.

The boss hates tardiness.

There's no way he's old, Bill. Better safe than sorry.

We'll keep him on the outskirts for the time being. Give him a few false leaves,

eh? See if we get any bites.

All right?

Fear is proof of a degenerate mind.

The Postman's Tale.

So who is the Postman?

Oh, mate, he's a fucking crank.

Seriously, he's shot to bits.

They used to call him Nero after the Mad Emperor because they were both batshit

crazy. I'm not sure if you remember.

Nero was famous for playing the flute or the fiddle or the fucking banjo or

something while Rome burned to the ground.

He had a fire fetish. So did the Postman.

I mean, that geezer was fucking mental.

The term naked flame used to give him a semi.

Trusting that geezer with a box of matches would be like letting Fred West

your gardening.

Set fire to a police station when he got nicked. Got thrown out of a pub for

being fucking chip -butty and he set that fucking thing alight.

Like, yeah.

Till finally, set light to a traffic warning motor.

Yeah, but that could have been worse.

While the geezer was still in it.

Fucking hell.

Yeah, but why is he called a postman? Because he got a mail order bright.

I swear to God, Eastern European sort. She's fucking naughty and all. He swears

black's white that he met her online dating, but we all know she was next day

delivery.

Get us in the flash. Oh, fuck, that's him.

Hello, mate?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're here.

Oh, no, the Russians have hacked your social media.

Yeah. Of course, the old KTB loves seeing what you're posting on there.

No, I'm not taking the piss, I'm just saying that...

Yeah, okay, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, why can't you come here?

Yes. Oh, he's off his fucking nut.

Yeah, mate.

All right, then. Bye.

Let's just go and meet him in the park.

Who's yours like this?

On your own a good day.

Hello?

Is this really necessary?

Yeah. Yeah, all right.

He wants us to go in the woods and find a bench next to a dog bin.

What, now?

Yeah, come on.

So what's the score with the postman, anyway?

Oh, mental.

Mad as a box of frogs. Proper crank.

But back in the day, he was a killer.

He a big lump?

No. No, mate.

But the real dangerous ones never are.

He was a perfect mix of fear and nothing or no one at all.

and having a complete disregard for all life, including his own.

Don't fucking look at me.

I said don't.

Right.

Stay still.

If you understand, scratch your head if you don't.

What? I don't fucking remember telling you to talk.

Do you know the fish and chip shop at the bottom of Southborough Lane?

Good.

Meet me there in ten minutes.

You got money on you?

Yeah, I'll... Don't fucking speak!

Idiot.

Cough if you've got more than a score on you.

Good.

Right, when you get inside, order one large cod and chip, salt, no vinegar.

Oh, and a gherkin.

Don't fucking look at me when I walk away.

Fuck me, half -wits.

Come on, chop -chop.

Very good. Now, come on, stop wasting time.

Is he kidding?

Believe me, boy, I never kid.

Sorry about this, but you can never be too careful.

So I've started to employ counter -observation techniques like MI6.

Most of video online is very useful.

I'm telling you, Rabbit, they're coming on top.

If Scott's noticed anything, I'm telling you, they've been on me at least four

days. Same car's following me.

House has been bugged.

He's mental.

Hey, he's not mad.

He's cautious.

Better to be fife than sorry, eh?

Exactly that, my brain. Who the fuck are you?

That's Clive. I use him for my lookout.

As I've said, I've started to employ counter -observation techniques.

You do on us now?

They were on you at the park.

Then you lost them on the way to the chippy.

Yeah, switched cars, left the other motor there.

Pretty sure that no one is now.

Gum?

No, I'm good, thanks.

Shall I make one, sir?

I'll have one.

Good man.

Well, go on, then.

I'd like a bit of gum, me.

So, we clear to go?

10 -4, buddy.

Nothing on you.

Good work, my man. I'll see you tomorrow at the sanctuary, yeah?

You want one for the road?

Is that stuck down with Velcro?

Yeah.

Stops it slipping when I'm driving.

Did the same thing with my phone. Look, hands -free.

You do know they have proper hands -free kits now, don't you? Yeah, but I had

this used before they came out.

I'm ahead of the curve, me.

You see that blue one three cars back?

Don't fucking look!

Use the mirror.

Yeah, I see it.

You recognise it?

No, should I have?

There was part of the world's end car park back there.

Coincidence? Don't believe in it, son.

Typical filth tale in that is, oh, look, there he goes now.

Keep your eye out for that motor, though.

They do rotate them, but they don't have an endless supply, so you see the same

ones pop up. They ain't wee buy any car.

Was the cod necessary?

Of course.

At least you'd be going to a chip shop and ordering, wouldn't it?

Besides, the missus was hungry.

Tried to pick her up some lunch when I left the house, and that was... Three

hours ago.

You sure you don't want some gum?

Nah. Oh, yeah, let's go. What the fuck are we wasting time for? Come on!

What time do you call this?

Get upstairs, put some clothes on.

What? I just make effort for you.

When I not make effort, you complain.

When I look nice for you, you say get changed. I know this. We've got company.

You're embarrassing me. Who takes over three hours to get lunch for their wife?

What did you do? Fucking catch it yourself?

You think you're bad girls?

You think you'll catch him fucking off?

I was working.

You crook. You're not doing proper work. You just need to take care of your

bike. Well, you take this and fuck off and put your clothes on.

So where's the bugs?

Well, I don't know. If I knew that, I wouldn't need you to help, would I?

Sometimes I question Mick's sanity, the firm he works with.

What makes you think you're being bugged?

I don't think.

I know.

The same cars have been following me. And in here, there's a kind of crackling

sound.

Oh, listen to him.

There is no sound.

He thinks he's Al Capone.

But no one listens to you. You're boring.

Even I know listen, and I'm your fucking wife. If I'd wanted you to listen, I

wouldn't have fucking married you. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Really?

Really.

For the last time, would you... I can hear something.

Really? Yeah, it's like a static crackling sound.

That's it, that's it.

I can't hear that at all.

Got to go, come on. Wait, wait, wait.

It's coming from over here.

Come on.

Yeah, it's down there.

It's coming from in here.

Behind that thing.

a magic mystery tour to the arse end of nowhere to have a look at your shit

attempt at DIY.

And we bought you a cod.

You see, I told you he no Pablo Escobar. Just poor man Nick Knowles.

Lads, listen to the cars. The cars, I am being tailed. I've seen them like four

or five times. That's not to mention the times that I haven't spotted them.

They're getting good these days.

Yeah, getting real good. So good that they put bugs in Velcro, yeah?

Take the piss all you want, but I'm tailing you.

And you better tell Mick's dad.

I'm not wrong about that.

I'm going back to the motherland for a while, wait for all this to die down.

I'll tell Mick all right. And listen, when you get home, make sure you don't

make that kilt out of Velcro.

Fuck's sake, don't make references. They could be listening. I don't want them

to know my location.

Your accent doesn't give away, does it? I could be from Germany.

Yeah, you could, nutty von Jock.

Yeah, take the piss all you like.

But I'm telling you, they're coming on top.

Get you.

Excuse me, I could do us a favour.

And hold him.

Cheers.

That.

It's for disappearing without a trace.

Now, that is no way to treat your brother.

Now, idiot.

That is for scaring the shit out of us and making us worry about you for the

best part of a year.

I think I preferred the face.

Where the fuck have you been?

I was pretty sure I was coming on top.

Someone on me toes.

You could have let us know, son.

We was all worried about you.

Fuck that.

Is no -one going to even mention him taking the best part of 150 grand?

I didn't know how long I'd be gone for now, did I?

The most important thing is I'm pretty sure the heat's off me now.

So I'm back.

Hang about. You're telling us that you're meant to be keeping a low

yet you turn up at our local looking like an homeless pirate with a great

fucking tawny owl on your shoulder.

It's a barn owl.

What? It's not a tongue knee.

It's a barn owl.

I befriended him while I was away.

We don't give a flying fuck what kind of owl it is.

You're supposed to be flying under the fucking radar. You turn up in the middle

of Bermondsey with a giant poxy bird of prey. Calm down, Jimmy!

Cor, he's always been a jittery one, hasn't he?

Doesn't matter, does it?

I'm incognitos.

That's why I've got the beard.

Why are you here?

What do you mean, why am I here? You're my family.

Oh, don't give us all that, bollocks.

Why are you really here?

Do you know what?

How proper hurts that does.

That cuts deep.

I've been away for the best part of nine months. Stop fucking about, Henry, and

tell us why you're here. It's Sunday, we're about to have a nice lunch, and we

could do without your buttocks.

Well, I might have a deal to put on the table.

Not interested.

You don't know what the deal is yet.

How do you know you're not interested?

Not interested.

So what? We're allergic to money now, are we? No, we're allergic to getting

nicked. It's foolproof.

Where have I ever let you down?

At the time you were drunk driving with the guns in the back.

You smashed the car up, parked it by the side of the road and fucked off.

And then when you attempted to go back and look for it the next day, you'd

forgotten where you parked it.

Cost us a fortune to replace them guns.

Yeah, and what about my first job?

I arrived at the meet only for this prick to be two hours late because he

a three -day bender.

Didn't you say you had somewhere really important to be?

No, I don't think so.

He couldn't have been that important then.

Fucking love lobsters! Oh, with their little claws and their beady eyes.

I'm stood outside waiting like some curb -crawling nonce, and this burps either

fucking kite.

What about crabs?

Ah, crabs can go fuck themselves.

Sideways walking bastards.

Could have got him pinched. Look.

I know I've been far from a saint in the past, but this job is safe with houses

and it's a goer.

I'll come down in the morning. Let me run it by you. I'll come to the office.

Who's the contact?

Houdini. We did a bit of graph together while I was on the truck.

All right.

Tomorrow at the office, 9 .15. You've got 30 minutes.

Lovely. I'd better go.

I've got to go feed my tourney.

I thought you said it was a bar now.

How the fuck do I know what sort of how it is?

Do I look like David Attenborough?

You look like a twat.

I shall see you in the morning.

It's lovely to see you.

Chloe, as beautiful as ever.

Henry, still charming, I see.

Sarah, as talkative as ever.

Henry, still a cunt, I see. Do you know what?

That is what I've always liked about you.

Proper touch of class.

Remind me.

We never get it on.

Because you make my skin crawl. And I'd rather carve my eyes out with a spoon

than have you touch me.

You'd better watch your head there, brother.

I think she's a bit sweet on me.

I shall see you in the morning.

Come on then, gorgeous.

Let's go home.

What a wanker.

Are you really going to give him another chance?

After what he did last time? Like a girl.

Oi! It can't hurt to hear him out, eh?

Are you still family?

He's got a fucking nerve showing his face around there after what he'd done.

Why? What happened?

Fucked off on his toes without telling anyone and taking a shitload of cash

him in the process.

Now, now, now.

I wouldn't exactly say a shitload.

I mean, perhaps it was enough to choke the donkey with.

But I doubt it was enough to spread on the bed and fuck over like they do in

that movie.

I'm pleased to see you again, mate. I'm glad you're back.

Back for good, is it, this time?

One can never tell, Scats.

One can never tell.

But don't worry.

For the time being, Romulus has returned to rule over his empire.

I found you upstairs.

Upstairs. Lovely.

Best not keep him waiting.

Tom!

You're still here.

Very good.

Very good.

Turns out you wasn't a coser after all.

Romulus? Found her around?

Yeah, I know who Romulus was, but why is that prick calling himself that? Done

it ever since he was little.

Referring to Jimmy as Remus, the weaker brother, to piss Jimmy off.

What's that?

Exactly. Right, I'm going to go and take this smelly stuff to the northern mob.

Come on, soppy bollocks.

Hell hath no fury.

Chloe's towel.

Oi, grab it.

You all right, Chloe?

My dad about.

Yeah, but he's a little bit busy.

How busy?

What do you mean, how busy? You know how busy he is. He's just busy.

I mean, busy as in you can't bother him, or busy as in too busy for his own

daughter? Well, Henry's back, so he's just talking to him, isn't he?

Right. What are you doing? You're going in there?

Of course.

He's got time for Henry. He can certainly make time for his daughter,

Anyway, I'd imagine what with all that laundry, he's got far more pressing

issues in mind, hasn't he?

Sorry about all that, Ace. Fine.

I'm clean.

And even when I was bang on their gear, I wouldn't have touched that shit.

I mean, who the fuck smokes solid?

Is that Charlie's daughter?

Yeah. She's unreal, ain't she?

Seems really nice.

Seems nice?

I use her shit for toothpaste, mate.

Must take after her mum.

She don't take after her dad, does she? Her mum's dead.

It's a shame, cos she was a fucking salt and all. What happened?

Oh, deed, mate. When Chloe was about ten.

Can't be easy to take.

Yeah, mate. She probably went off the rails.

Clear. He's not in here either.

What's going on? What the fuck are you lot doing here? Well, we ain't

pizzas, are we? Where's my daughter?

Oh.

So you must be done.

What have you done to my daughter?

Listen, why don't you lot get the fuck out of here before someone gets hurt,

yeah? Because you see this?

This is my lady. Do you hear me? My lady.

So get the fuck out of here and leave us be. Your lady.

Listen, watch yourself, Dad.

Give me the gun, Mick.

No, no, no, please, just leave him alone, Dad.

Not here, Charlie, not in front of Chloe.

Give me the fucking gun!

Your daughter, Al, will deal with this.

Deal with this?

You're going to deal with this?

Bro, you're not dealing with shit. You didn't hear what I said to you, blood.

She's staying here with us. Mick, I love him, please!

You hear that? She loves me.

It's more than I can say for you two. She don't give a fuck about you.

Come here.

That's right, that's right. You sort your family out. You don't want to get

hurt.

Now leave.

For Chloe.

I told you.

We'll deal with this.

Fine.

Strip him and throw him overboard.

It took her a long time to get sober.

Even longer for her to forgive the family for what they did.

To a mum or a fella?

Both.

In the end, it was Jimmy's wife that had to set her straight.

What do you want?

Just to talk?

Thought you could do with some support from your family.

I don't want anything to do with this family.

Then maybe you need a friend.

I understand what you're going through.

How could you possibly understand what I'm going through?

Well, I understand what it's like to live with the man you were part of this

life. He killed my mother.

Listen.

I knew your mother well.

I loved her.

But Charlie didn't kill her. She killed herself.

Well, he could have saved her.

Probably. You certainly should have done more.

Plus, in the past, you can't change that.

The real question is, what are you going to do about it?

Because this, the drugs, the junkie boyfriends, ain't helping no one. Do you

know what? I don't need a lecture. I'm not lecturing anyone that this ain't

helping put the past right.

And it certainly won't bring your mother back.

You honestly think this is what she'd want for you?

Maybe. Grow up.

I come here to have an adult conversation.

To help you move forward and do right by your mother.

I'll never forgive him.

I fucking hate him. I hate him with every bone in my fucking body.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep, all I can think about is how

much I just want him fucking dead. Good.

Look at me.

Look at me.

You pack this shit in and you stay strong.

Because if you stick with me... I promise you, I will help you put this

There I was milking this goat and realised it was a ram.

Put me off goat cheese forever.

Fuck me.

Solid. What is it?

1992.

Do you remember back in the day when it was acceptable to smoke that shit?

How'd the meeting go?

Yeah, they went for it. Really?

Course they did.

Any surprise with you soppy bastards trying to shift that?

I mean, who smokes solid this day and age? Don't worry about that. I'll sell a

lot of it to the northern mob, easy. That sounds about right, doesn't it?

always been 30 years behind up there. So what's the new deal?

Supply a sniff from Holland via Belgium.

Is that good stuff, though? The best.

I'm talking, like, lose your mind, forget your kid's name, shit your pants

of good. Yeah, sounds like a normal night out for Edgar.

So who's the new contact? Anyone we know?

Houdini.

For fuck's sake. There's a blast from the past.

I fucking hate Houdini.

Why? Well, because he's got a funny way of fucking us up.

Hey, the weed deal he did was a blinder. I ain't talking about the deals.

Is that where the rabbit name comes from? Yeah, kind of, but I don't want to

into it.

Oh, I fucking love this story.

This tale slayed me for months.

All right, if you're going to tell it, I might as well tell it, because I know

how to tell it, because it's a belter. All right.

The phone was going through a bit of a tricky time.

That's when we met Houdini.

We called him that because the geezer disappeared every time it was his

round. Now, he was a bit of a low -time gangster when we met him, until he

introduced us to the Dutch mob. Come on, mate.

That's daylight robbery.

Give Vimey a realistic offer.

I've told him we are proper drug dealers, not thieves.

225?

179. Not a penny more.

Looks like we've got a deal, Henry.

Sorry I'm late.

Got a bit distracted.

That's why.

So the deal was almost done when Houdini came up with this great idea.

Let's get fucked up on the shrooms, eh? Yeah.

Typical English.

Getting fucked on shrooms.

And why don't we celebrate like big boys?

Did you say big boys?

He's taking a piss. He looks like half a pint.

I can't wrap it. No.

talk to me like that in my own fucking bar.

You know what happened to the last man who was rude to me in my own fucking

Now, every instinct inside of me told me not to say anything. But when there's

an opportunity for a joke, I'll go and swing for it.

You made him joint mayor of the Lollipop Guild?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I've got a belter.

You gave him the security code to the chocolate factory.

No.

I killed him.

And I put him in my pies.

You don't fucking sell pies, mate?

No.

Because after everyone saw what I did to him, no one was ever foolish enough to

be rude to me again.

Fuck me, he's got pretty big hands, lads.

Everything is relative.

So, English, what's it gonna be?

Getting fucked down scrooms?

Like little baby girls?

Or join us?

Proper men.

Big hairy balls.

Do some salvia. Looks like we're doing salvia, doesn't it?

This ain't for the faint -hearted.

Whatever you do, don't overdo it.

Or it will fuck you sideways.

So what do we do?

We start caning the shit out of it like there's no tomorrow.

And for some of us, there almost wasn't.

Until 20 minutes later.

Nothing.

I've got higher sniffing arses.

I reckon that little Dutch geezer stitched us up.

Let me look it up.

Essence of sage.

I told you.

Sage? Isn't that what you cook with? We've been had like kippers. We might as

well fucking sniff paprika.

So we decided to do a little bit more. And you know what I'm like? I like a

drink. It's a barge. I order a load of tequilas and send them around.

Everyone starts getting a little bit livo. I mean, it's kicking off, isn't

We've got some sweethearts around us. The music's going.

A bit of a party's going on. We've got a buzz.

Do you know what I mean? We're getting smashed.

We start drinking like it's gyro day in Glasgow on a bank holiday weekend when

still nothing.

This is fucking bollocks.

Houdini, get a drink in before I shoot someone.

How the fuck is it my round? Because you ordered in this shit.

If we'd have listened to me, we'd all be off our tits on shrooms loving life.

Now, this is where things started to get a bit interesting.

You know what I'm like after a couple of beers? Love cutting the shapes and

that, buffing out some dance moves.

But you know what? I thought I'd say no to the booze for a bit and grab a

coffee. I mean, I don't even like shit. It tastes like crap over there. But I

wanted to sober up because I've got it in my head. I wanted to end the night

quick -tartish and grab a brass.

When Bosh, it all starts going absolutely Pete Tong. And Houdini jumps

on his toes quicker than if it was his round.

Forgive me, father, tonight I'm sick.

Then the absolute thin load decides to hotwire a car and drive it back to

England. Come on, you slag.

There we go. Which would have been all right if the prat actually knew how to

drive. Oh, fuck.

I'm left watching Charlie, who for some reason thinks he's John Travolta.

On crack.

And then there's Jimmy. He's off his nut, talking to a couple of Swedarts in

alien language.

Till he pissed himself.

But he did see the funny side of it.

I was just chilling at the bar, right? I was about to leave to go to a brothel.

when all of a sudden this absolute rocket approaches me. She must have seen

hips going, because she was all over me like thrush, and she was fit.

Lads, I'm talking proper fit, not just a bird in a bar fit. I'm talking you'd

cut your bollocks off, staple them to your forehead, just for a chance to

her arse off it. And she was all over me, mate. I was bang on the coffees, but

was still on fire.

Are they with you?

Fuck knows who they're with.

They're just going to...

Stand there all night or you're going to buy me another drink.

Done, done.

So, the drink kept flowing. And the next thing I know, she's cracking on to me.

I mean, she's even laughing at me jokes.

She pulls me on a dance floor and we start cutting some shapes.

Which slowly leans into me and says,

So, are you going to flirt with me all night or are you coming back to mine to

fuck my brains out?

So, she explains she lives on the edge of town, about 15 minutes away.

Perfect amount of time for me to come up on a couple of blueys. So I dropped

three of them. I know what you're thinking. Little bit excessive.

I don't give a fuck. There's no way I'm going to let my little soldier let me

down in the heat of battle getting the fuck out of my life.

Next thing I know, she's leading me through the back streets of Amsterdam.

And a couple of geezers try to jump me. Come on, English.

You don't want trouble.

Don't try and be a hero.

Just hand us all over your money and you walk away with your life.

Hold this for me, sweetheart.

This will only take a minute.

Right. Let's have it, you windmill -loving, clog -wearing gutter -cup.

What is there to mess with, Desimon?

Come on.

Come on.

Turns out the blue pill's kicked in just in time for my little soldier to help

me out in the heat of battle.

I'm double -hard.

Now, how about you give me your money, you little snail -eating slug?

Look, that's the French.

I don't give a fuck. Okay, just don't fuck me. I'll fuck your hair so hard,

mum won't be able to walk, boy.

She won't be able to walk.

Turns out she was a plon. She was only there to get vulnerable tourists walking

down dark alleys so her pals could fucking mug them.

And that was the end of the night?

Was it fuck?

Turns out she liked the way I handled me talk.

So she decided to fuck me brains out. Fuck you, John. Do it to me.

She was the proper sort, so I thought, yeah, let's do it. Smash the granny out

of it. The only thing I couldn't understand is, because I'm a bit handy,

know, shirt's off if it kicks off, is why did she pick me when she was looking

for someone vulnerable?

I can help with that.

See, while these other soppy berks are prattling about with the salvia, I

to swerve it, keep me self -conscious menace.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, Rabbit's got it fairly accurately

state of Houdini and the others.

However... I do think he may be slightly underplaying the state he was in.

I'll stay with you.

I didn't want my drink. No, it's a drink.

And I'm fairly confident Rabbit's memories of the night were probably

hazy. For starters, the bird he was cracking on with was Asian.

So are you going to stand there all night or are you going to buy me another

drink? I don't want a drink.

That's for Rabbit being on fire. Oh, maybe.

And God knows what he thought he was dancing to.

And now I'll admit, I wasn't there.

But I can just imagine his prowess in the bedroom.

What do you think you're doing to me?

Shag to shag, innit?

Right, as much as I'm loving this little stroll down memory lane...

We've got to take the stuff to Cornish Nick in his pal. Oh, I fucking hate them

two. They're always late. Come on then. Good to see you, lads.

I told you.

They're late. It's a fucking liberty.

They're probably being held up.

What, every fucking time?

Tell you what, it's bad manners, mate. Bad for business.

So what's the deal with Henry, anyway?

How do you mean?

I thought him and Jimmy were supposed to be brothers.

No, mate. No. He's adopted.

I'll tell you what. That is a tragic story.

Henry came downstairs one morning.

He must have only been about eight years old.

And he found his dad.

Sat there, as dead as a dodo.

With a bullet straight through his nut.

What, and Henry saw that? Yeah, mate.

Fuck! The wonder is so messed up. Yeah, it's enough to send anyone west, isn't

it? It was always George's firm.

George put his firm on a map back when Mick was just a kid.

Yeah. It showed potential in Mick. So he took him under his wing and showed him

the roads.

It weren't until George done a 20 stretch that Mick really had to step up.

to be fair, Mick did take the firm from strength to strength, but he was always

keeping George's seat warm. Do you know what I mean?

You know, a lot of people in this business would have fucked George over.

Nah, not Mick, mate. He saw him as a brother.

More so than Charlie, truth be told.

Yeah. Tell you what, though.

Prison fucked George up bad.

Yeah, mate.

It came out worse than he went in.

And one day, he pushed it too far.

The die is cast.

George's tale.

You see, they own this block of flats.

They rented it out to a load of Irish families.

Yeah, and they got behind on the rent.

And George worked out it'd probably be easier getting his money from the

insurance.

So he burnt the fucking building to the ground.

Come in.

I've been expecting you.

It's funny.

I always said...

When the power rider finally comes for you, you'll recognize his face.

I'm not going to hurt you.

I'm done.

I'm finished.

No more fight left in me.

I'll tell you what.

Run over there.

Because there's a very expensive, very exquisite 12 -year -old single malt

whiskey.

So why don't we have one for the road?

It's ironic, really.

When they used to drag poor souls from Newgate Prison down to Tyburn to execute

them, they were allowed to stop for one last drink.

Hence the expression, one for the road.

Now, is that a true story or not?

I don't know, but who gives a fuck? Because it's a great story.

I want you to tell Mickey I genuinely did not know there were still people in

the house that night.

As for you, well, you can go fuck yourself.

Live by the sword.

Die by the sword.

Now fucking shoot me, because you'll be doing me a favour.

Cheers.

Henry must have felt so alone that morning, the morning he found his

until Mick showed up and took him under his wing.

They never looked back.

It's all right now, son.

Everything is going to be all right.

Here.

Do you want to come and live with me, Kath, baby Jimmy?

Will you keep me safe from the bad men who hurt my dad?

I promise, son. I will keep you safe for as long as I live.

Come on, young Henry.

Let's go, eh?

You don't need to see this.

Come on, son.

But, all is well that ends well, and...

Mick turned out to be a better father than George could ever be.

I will tell you one thing about George, though.

That geezer was some thief, mate.

They used to call him the Gentleman Robber.

Oh.

Young lady, you need to be more careful. There are thieves everywhere out there.

Thank you. You're such a gentleman.

I'll try.

You have a nice day.

Yeah, you too.

Good afternoon, sir.

How can I help?

Can I say you look absolutely lovely today.

Oh, thank you.

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm looking for an engagement ring.

I'm not quite sure whether I still want to get married now.

But anyway, these ones, they're not really doing it for me. You got anything

that sort of sparkles a bit more?

I understand.

She's a very lucky lady.

You think so?

Yeah.

Is there anything here, catcher?

Um, the thing is, what I want is, I want something sort of unique, something

customised, something bespoke, so, um... Okay.

Let me get my manager and see what he can do.

Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

Um, Malcolm, could you please come and help this gentleman?

How can I help, sir?

I would say that you're a beautiful assistant. I'm looking for a sort of one

-off special engagement ring.

I was just wondering if you had any loose diamonds.

Oh, you just happen to be in luck, sir.

It really is my lucky day, isn't it? I got these in last week from South

They're absolutely flawless.

Look at these beauties.

They're not blood diamonds, are they? Oh, no, sir. We wouldn't sell anything

like that. I mean, I don't want anything that's unethical. I promise you, sir,

they're certainly not. They're kosher. Kosher, 100%. I'm going to be honest.

They're stunning.

And the problem is, they're all stunning.

So I think I'm probably going to have to take all of them.

That's wonderful news, sir. It might not be as wonderful as you think, Malcolm.

I don't intend to pay for them.

It's a robbery.

Don't worry, I'm not going to take any personal items.

Thank you.

That's all right, you're welcome.

I'm just going to nick off of him.

Thank you. That's all right, it's my pleasure.

What about me?

What about you? You're insured, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

Well, you're fucked, then, aren't you? It's basically like having insurance.

Who doesn't have insurance? What's he like? I don't know. What's he like now?

What is he like?

I don't think so.

Who the fuck are you? Where did you come from?

Do you know this man?

I've never met this man before in my life.

Oh, so he's just a random nutter and he wants to stand in front of a shotgun?

I assure you, I'm no imbecile.

I work for a majesty's finest.

You're not a cozza.

Now, get the fuck out of here. Me and you are under arrest. I'm under arrest.

It's hilarious, isn't it? I can't see how you find it funny.

You've got a sense of humour, I'll give you that.

Where's all your police paraphernalia, like your talking broads and your

handcuffs and your truncheons and your pointy hats? It's my day off.

It's your day off.

You see, this is the thing. What's your name?

Scarlett. Then you're Scarlett. This is trouble with the police. They're part

-timers. Whereas me, I'm a full -time professional armed robber.

I have my shot gun on me every second of the day. Yeah. That is why.

He's fast, standing with his hand on his dick.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to need you two to strip so I can tie you up.

Naked?

Well, you're deaf and stupid. Yes, naked.

I would rather die than face that indignity.

Now, listen, Scarlett, I'm going to have to point my gun at him.

Don't worry about it. Take your time.

You sure?

Yeah.

Well, I'll fucking shoot you first.

I'm really sorry about that, but, you know, it had to be done.

That's all right. So you're not really getting engaged then, are you?

Well, if I was, I'm not now, especially since I've met you.

Are you from around here?

No, I'm fucking not. I'm from the right side of the river.

What about you? Are you a local girl? I am, yeah.

Are you wearing any of the week?

Oh, I know a lovely Italian.

Would you like me to take you there?

I'd absolutely love that.

We're waiting for you. Thank you.

I'm just going to take an early lunch.

Hear that, boys? Enjoy.

Laddie's first. Oh, thank you.

The only other person that had a bottle like him was Henry.

I guess the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree, then, does it? Yes, mate,

you know that.

Is that hippie Bill?

How do you know it'd be Bill?

How many middle -aged blokes do you know that ride a skateboard?

Right, come on.

Peace and salutations, my brothers.

Peace and salutations? Stick them up your arse, you divvy -ivvy -looking

You look like a fucking man -child. Where's your pals?

Mate, they're going to be here. Take a chill pill.

You're too stressed.

That's bad for your chi and karma.

I'll tell you what's bad for my chi and karma, mate. You having me sat in a car

park looking like I'm waiting to do a bit of dogging with 200 grams worth of

fucking squidgy black in a boot. Gives us a chance to catch up. Chew the fat.

Chew the fat.

We'll have 12 years to chew the fat if we get pinched with that lot, you

crank.

Hey, you're so suspicious.

Yeah, I recognise you.

Tom, how's your pal?

Forget his name.

Don't worry about my pals.

When are your fucking pals turning up? Oh, do you know what?

You're killing my buzz.

What you need is a puff. It'll rebalance you.

Our balance is fine.

Here they are.

Holding won't be long.

Nicky, my brother from another mother, show me some love.

You're late. Where you been?

Who wants to know why you're late?

You know what it's like, mate.

Yeah, but you know what it's like. No, I don't know what it's like. I'm never

late. The firm won't allow it. Shows a lack of respect.

He says it shows a lack of respect. Between me and you, I don't think you're

happy. All right, Bill. All right, all right. Shows a lack of respect.

We are a drug dealer.

If you want respect, go become a nurse.

Keep on like that, you little wet wipe. You're going to need a fucking nurse.

Prick. So where you been?

Hanging out the back of sheep?

No, mate, that's whales.

You fuck whales?

No. Whales are sheep shaggers.

You wouldn't have thought I'm a mob. It's incest.

It's incest. Incest?

Incest. Yeah, incest.

So you've waited for your sister?

Yep. All right, well, who have you been hanging out the back of then? Your

fucking sister?

Hanging out the back of your mum.

All right, listen.

Where's the fucking money?

It's in the boot. Swap the bags over.

All right, nice.

Do I need to count that?

If you want to count the best part of 200 grand in broad daylight, then be my

guest.

Wouldn't do that. Brings unwanted attention.

All right, all right.

Pleasure doing business with you, mate.

Next time you're in Bristol, just pop on in.

Fuck that.

Only full of cheap daggers.

I've got to take this, Charlie.

Well, I'm glad that's all sorted, then.

I'm going to love and leave you. I'm going to go and catch some waves.

What? You're going surfing?

Oh, man, I've skateboarded, be it the waves of the mighty ocean or the

jungle. Life is a journey, my friend. One love and peace.

Out.

Is everything all right? No, Mick's had a heart attack.

What? Yeah, we'd better go.

Is everything okay? We came as soon as we could. Yeah, thanks for turning up.

would have appreciated that.

He will appreciate this.

Mick ain't going nowhere yet.

Is he? He's a fighter.

It's not looking good.

Henry was with him earlier on.

Emma! Emma, cover me again! Do you hear me?

Henry, do yourself a favour and fuck off home!

Right, pack it in, both of you. Charlie, I love you, but stay out of this. Think

of Mick. You think of Mick.

Now stop being busy and fuck off.

Fuck you. You always thought you were the big boy, didn't you? Always been the

bully, but not anymore.

I give so to you. Oi, what do you think you're doing?

My old man's laying in there on his deathbed. Can't you behave yourself for

minutes? Mum.

Don't you mum me. I can't even look at you. I'm ashamed of you. You've got no

respect for no one.

I ain't going to hurt you.

Not here, not there.

You ain't worth the nick.

But if you ever come at me again...

I'll bury you in a shallow grave in a North Circular flyover.

As for you lot, when the firm falls to shit, you know where to find me.

Fucking kick me off the firm, I'll start my own fucking firm.

Tons! Tons!

Excuse me, sir. Mate, do yourself a favour and stop being fucking busy

shove your head so far up your arse, your power will have to fucking

remove you.

What was that all about?

Stay away, B &M, Ray.

Nothing but a mug.

Are you all right, son?

With me? Yeah, of course I am.

Take more than a mug like that to bother me.

Well, come on, then.

Let's go see Mick.

You all right?

Can you understand what I'm saying?

Of course I can.

I've had an heart attack. I'm not fucking stupid.

When they have the surgery to remove the stent in your heart, make sure they

remove your arsehole glands as well while they're at it.

I'm not having the surgery.

I've got cancer, son.

I'm riddled.

You serious?

No. I wanted to lighten the mood with a joke, but I couldn't think of a good

enough knock -knock one.

Does Kath know?

No one does.

And it will remain that way.

You can fight this.

No, it's inoperable.

They gave me about six months.

That was a year ago.

Listen to me.

Before Charlie and Jimmy get here, the business... Don't worry about the

business. I do worry.

You and your dad built this firm up from nothing.

It weren't easy, but we did it.

Me and your old man.

Listen, young Henry, I love you.

But I am leaving everything to Jimmy.

If we keep going the way we are, sooner or later, things will fall to shit.

I mean, look at the walk again, Nick. That could have been any of us. It could

have been you.

And your father would never have forgiven me for that.

You don't have to justify yourself.

Certainly not to me.

I have always loved you the same.

Three years on my own.

It's just Jimmy.

Jimmy's the better choice.

Come on.

We both know I won't be able to run a firm.

Thanks, son.

I'm glad you understand.

Now, do my fucking off, cos I am knackered.

I'll work this dialogue, is...

You'll still be here.

Oh, fuck me.

Well, with a bit of luck, I might die in my sleep.

I, um... I love you.

I love you too, son.

Has Mick spoke to you about the business?

You're all right, Dr Shipman.

Good to see where your priorities lie, eh? We've a pair of note.

I didn't mean that. I just know if he don't tell you, I'll have to put up with

your bollocks.

Oh, what? Because I suppose he's your dad, eh? He's fuck all to do with me.

on, lads. Now ain't the time or place. No, Charlie, I think now is the perfect

time. Once this is all over, you're out.

I don't want you on my firm.

Oh, it's your firm, is it?

I'm out, am I? Yeah, yeah. My dad had to put up with your shit.

But I ain't my dad, and there's a lot of change coming. Don't you worry about

that. You know what?

You're right.

This ain't the time or the place.

Go on, then, Emery. Run away like you did last time.

You fucking... What did you say? Come on, man! Don't you ever, ever come at me

again! You hear me?

Well, that was all a bit exciting, wasn't it? That was fucking

These things happen.

Shit was always going to hit the fan when Mick got ill.

It's no excuse.

It's not like you've never lost your rug, eh, Edgar?

I tell you what, I like him.

He's proven his worth.

Agreed. It's about time that Berm got some fresh blood.

He was beginning to look like a lad Tharger all the day gone wrong.

Oh, you speak for yourself.

I'm still in the prime of life.

Round, lads. What are you having?

Brandy and a pint for the picture of Dorian Grayhead.

All right.

Oh, easy, lads. I'm still playing. Yeah, but you left. He left.

I don't give a fuck. I'm halfway through a game. I meant to know that.

Do I look like a fucking mind reader?

All right, easy. I've got half a game going there. Leave off. Fuck your game.

Fuck my game, all right. I get it. You boys think you're a couple of fucking

rascals, then? Me and you first, you fucking mother's minch.

What did you just call my mate? You

heard him? No, no, no, I didn't. Seriously, can you just repeat that,

called him an old man.

You watch yourself, you void -raid junkie slag, or I'll smash those teeth

you probably paid so much for in Turkey down your throat.

All right, all right.

Keep your fucking hair on.

Keep your hair on. Keep your hair on. Keep your hair on.

Listen, hello, listen. Listen, can you just hold on to this for a moment?

Thank you very much. I love your house.

Don't worry, son.

Edgar's got this.

Now put your fucking shirt on.

Edgar!

Laugh at me, you cunt!

Yeah!

Good. Now, do you like my hair?

Oh, come on. Oh, don't come on, mate me.

I asked you a question.

Do you like my hair?

Are you joking? No, I'm not joking. I can't be more serious than to hold on

my...

Yeah, I'm a bit.

But you're not my friend.

And now you come and stand in my face and lie to me.

Eh? Is that what you're going to do?

You piece of dog cheese.

You see, I tell you, you don't need to worry about it.

Could I be a watch back, please?

That's all right.

Thanks very much.

Very nice people you are.

Very, very nice people indeed.

That's all right.

Yeah? You enjoy your drink now?

Dog juice?

That's been coming to me head.

Says a lot about what's going on inside your nut, doesn't it?

Are you going to get us a fucking drink or what?

Sorry, lads.

I think I'll leave you two alone, okay?

Thank you, Doctor.

Remember the first night you walked me home from the Dunk Hour?

Tried to snog me on the first date, didn't you?

I won't have you none of it.

I loved you then and I still love you now.

I love you all my heart.

Nah, he ain't got long left.

You know what to do.

I've got to go. Kath's here.

Can you come back inside, please, love?

Kath, listen, I know he's your boy.

If I see him right now, I'm going to kill him.

Mick, he's gone.

He's passed away.

Can I have a minute?

I'm so sorry.

What the fuck have I told you about calling me on this phone?

I ain't forgotten what I promised.

How can a man with nothing give me everything?

Affirm.

Give me time, I'll give you the lot.

Don't ever accept me as boss.

We'll be starting a gang war.

Losing your bollocks? Not at all.

I'm just weighing up my options.

Don't worry about your options.

All I need is someone you want dead and someone you trust.

Then once Mick's gone, I'll give you the lot.

On my word.

Fine.

But I want 100k by the end of the week.

Have you got that?

And I swear to God, Henry, if you fuck me over, you cunt, I'll fucking come

to you. You got that?

That's my whole fucking ass. It's my fucking foot.

And I'm fucking out. Yeah, well, no, no, no. I suppose I'm the suit.

Yeah, I'll fuck this fucking...

Believe me, Jimmy was never going to live.

Stop your ranting, you're not doing anyone any good.

You calm?

Good.

We bide our time till the funeral's sorted and then we play our final hand.

Leave all else to the gods.

Sarah's tale.

It's a nice turnout for the boss. I like that. It shows respect.

Speaking of which, how is Henry?

I've seen nothing of him since the hospital the other day. Neither have we.

long may it continue.

Now, don't be like that. He's still your brother. He ain't my brother.

He turned his back on this family. It's like, fuck him.

I know this isn't the right place, but I'm thinking things are about to come on

top. I've been noticing a few things. They just don't seem right. So I had a

little chat with my informant down at the local police station. Now, she's low

-level. I'm not privy to that information, but she seems to think that

be on the radar.

Oh, don't be paranoid.

It don't matter either way.

We're going to slow things down until Mick's laid to rest, and I'll put this

situation with Henry to bed.

Right.

I'm going to go inside, take care of a bit of business.

Right, Charlie.

Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?

Listen, this thing with Jimmy, he's got the seat in the big chair, so his ego's

bound to be inflated for a bit.

But don't worry.

It'll pass.

I ain't worried about that.

Good.

Because we need to stick together. Show unity, power, that sort of thing.

Otherwise, every other slag this side of the river is going to be sniffing us

out, trying to shoot us down.

I know. I ain't stupid.

I know you're not stupid, Chas. I know that. I'm just saying, give Jimmy a bit

of a let for a while. Don't worry about Jimmy.

I'm not.

Come on, mate. Let's go inside.

Henry!

I've come to collect my debt.

Only a little dicky bird has informed me the line of possession has passed you

by. Come on.

We'll never let you down.

Look, Tom, tell him. Tom has told me everything I need to know.

I've got you your hundred grand. I've got Tom on the phone, no questions

But you failed the end game.

No, not yet, I ain't.

I've still got my ace in the hole.

That's Jimmy's wife.

Fucking dogs.

I like it.

We ain't failed no end game yet.

We have everything under control.

And Jimmy is going to get everything that's coming to him.

All right, do you?

Do you mind if I take a seat?

Of course.

What are you doing here?

I just wanted a drink.

I come in here from time to time.

I've never seen you in here before.

Yeah, well, I don't come here often.

Tomorrow,

being what it is, I just really need a drink.

You're dreading it.

Funerals are never nice.

It's not just that.

I just thought I'd have my dad to fall back on.

What?

I guess now you are the new Mick.

Everyone's looking at me.

If things fuck up, the buck stops with me.

I think you will be a great leader.

I hope you're right.

Listen, I hate to leave you on your jacks, but I should really get going.

Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

Don't go.

I've only just got here.

I would love to stay.

But I should really go on.

And at the risk of sounding like your old man, so for you.

I couldn't face going home just yet.

Please?

Tell you what, I'll make you a deal.

I'll stay for one drink.

Then you let me drive you home.

Deal.

I've got a bit of a confession to make.

Might have been up and down drinking a little bit earlier. Why did you come

to this shit, Owen?

Maybe I was looking for you.

Behave yourself.

What are you playing at? Oh, come on.

Well, I'm not like you don't want me. I've seen the way you look at me.

You are my cousin.

Oh, shut up with all this family shit.

It's not legal.

There is nothing wrong about this.

I'm married.

And that just makes it even more naughty.

I like them all.

I like them all.

Come on, them all. I like you. You've never done this before.

Fuck!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

You're just going too fucking far, and this can't happen, so back in. What?

I'm just fucking drunk and horny, and I thought I'd throw you a pity fuck,

because I'm quite into older men at the minute.

But don't rate yourself, all right?

Trust me, I'm already fucking over it.

Good.

Then I suggest you let me drive you home, and this is the last we speak in

night. And you, you sort yourself out for tomorrow.

Betraying your own husband?

It's a bit fucking deep, innit?

Trouble with Jimmy was he thought he could do whatever he wanted, and I'd

the other way.

But see, we've got a slightly different agreement.

He fucks who he wants, but in the end, I fuck him.

Is that...? Yeah, that's...

Charlie's daughter.

This is unreal.

They say the men in your firm are dangerous, but they ain't got nothing on

women, have they?

What about the rest of the firm?

True. We've still got a lot to sort out.

Henry, we'll use this contact at the police station. Make sure the funeral

raided. There's a place coming in front.

My little guy at the back.

Henry's here.

Yeah, obviously.

I know, obviously.

What I mean is it's a good thing.

It means they've made up.

Last thing you want is a family feudal power struggle, do you know what I mean?

Maybe it's God's design.

Don't know about that, but talking of God's design, have a look at her.

She's even hot when she's mourning.

Hopefully she needs me for a shoulder to cry on.

It's a funeral, mate, not the end of the world.

Her life ain't that bad.

Fuck off.

Shh, now it's a God, you're not supposed to swear.

Look, if there's a God... And that is a big if.

Me and my naughty words are the last of his problems.

What we've all the perverts and pedos about.

Speaking of which, looks like they're coming to take you away.

Police! Nobody move!

This is a sacred place.

I said police!

Nobody move!

Yeah,

what if they get away?

They won't.

What are you doing here?

You!

Houdini's to connect.

Plus he wants a piece of the action.

For which he's happy to get his hands dirty.

And Scats?

Scats lives, all right.

He's been good to me. We can't take any chances. Mate, the man's 112 years old.

What the fuck is he going to do? He's got a safe house on the Isle of Wight.

We leave him be.

He'll go home, lie low, live out the rest of his days. That silly fucker's

only bloke who chooses to hide in one place that's got more prison guards than

people. Well, at least if he does get nicked, he won't have far to travel.

What about Jimmy?

After the funeral, Jimmy knows going home won't be safe, so he'll go to

old safe house.

And if we know that, so will my dad.

What's that?

Shh. I thought you said no one knew about this place.

Well, if this is your wife... She's the least of our problems.

Charlotte?

Who the hell are you?

Who am I?

All what's going on. And you brought a brass back with you.

On the day of Mick's funeral.

All right, don't start, Chas. I don't fucking need it, all right? I'm stressed

and she helps. Oh, I bet she does.

I'm sorry, but do you mind?

Actually, I do mind.

So if you don't mind, I think it's best you leave.

Are you going to let him talk to me like that? I said now!

Jimmy!

You heard the man.

Know your fucking place.

You're not my wife.

You're the side piece. Now fuck off.

Well, today was carnage.

You spoke to anyone?

No. I just got out the nick.

They pinched you?

You were out quick.

Well, it had nothing on me.

Plus, I called in the Jewish lawyer.

Marty? You must have thought they had something on you if you needed to call

Not at all.

But he is on a retainer.

And he don't fuck about, does he?

Had me out in no time.

Then I thought I'd come straight here.

See, there's a little something that I need to discuss.

Stop fucking about, Chad.

Today's been crazy enough without your silly joke.

Charlie will take care of Jimmy.

I'll make sure of that. Are you fucking mad?

Why don't you call the old Bill? Let him know where we are so we can both get

nicked. You best hope the police turn up.

Because believe me, son, getting nicked is the least of your worries.

You think today was my doing.

Well, fuck you!

I ain't no broth!

It was Tom.

I always said he was a cother. This has got nothing to do with today.

Then what then?

Do us a favour. Please, give us a clue. I could do without you going all cryptic

cunt on me.

I'll give you a clue.

There's only two things worse than a grass.

Oi! Where the fuck have you been?

I've been calling you all night, worried sick.

Worried sick?

You've spent my entire life not giving a fuck. Why start now?

What's that meant to me?

Come here!

You been drinking?

You heard a couple. A couple? You smell like a fucking brewer. What's it got to

do with you? I'm your father!

All the while I got breath in my body, your well -being's got everything to do

with... Stop pretending to care!

Is that what you did with Mum?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Is that what this is about?

Jesus, Chloe, I loved your mother.

I couldn't save her.

She needed saving from her... Stop fucking lying!

She needed you when we both fucking needed you. You were never there. I was

working with a fucking firm. The firm.

Always with the firm. The family.

But what about your family? I was earning money for my family.

So you could have fucking food on the table.

So you could have a lifestyle I could never have dreamed of.

I wanted better for my kids than I had. And Mum just wanted you.

She was the only one crazy enough to put up with an arsehole like me.

Oh, my God.

It's all right, Chloe.

What's wrong?

Oh, my God.

Wait.

Is there something you want to tell me?

I was raped.

You're gonna be all right. Listen, you're gonna be all right. You're gonna

all right.

Who did it?

Tell me and I'll tell them.

Jimmy.

My daughter.

My little girl!

Listen, Charlie, she was just drunk and being silly. It's no big deal. It's

forgotten about.

Forgotten about?

Look, I don't know what she told you.

You calling my daughter a liar?

I am saying that she's off her fucking nuts.

Just like a slag of a mother. And if you think I touched her, you're just as mad

as she was. Don't you talk about my wife like that. Your wife?

Your fucking wife was an old good junkie slag who killed herself.

And the only surprise was she didn't hang herself before she got the chance

OD. Libby, were you... You fucking slag!

You've been played, mate. Like the fucking fool that you are.

You're betraying your own father.

That man means nothing to me.

Anything I felt for him died the same day my mother did.

And what if Charlie don't kill Jimmy?

Yeah, that's a good point.

Charlie doesn't strike me as the cold -blooded killer.

He will.

Believe me, he will.

Over there is a very expensive, very exquisite 12 -year -old single malt

whiskey.

So why don't you and everyone get us one?

You three have had this planned out for years, haven't you?

You cold, cold bastards.

I fucking love it.

You sure you're going to go through with this?

My dad's had this coming to him a long time.

And Jimmy?

Jimmy's made his bed. Now he can fucking lie in it.

You've been played, mate.

Like the fucking fool that you are.

You know, even with a gun in your hand, you still look like a fucking clown.

Any last words?

I fucking hate you.

He who wants everything loses everything.

The family's legacy.

My old man used to say, one thing all Londoners and criminals have in common

we all love a good story.

Hello, Scat.

I didn't think you'd risk coming.

In loving memory of Mick, Rose and Lika, Freya Berman's his best.

Where to, love?

Just the dead end in Bromley, please.

Yeah, of course. No worries.

Right,

there we go, sweetheart.

So that is a 2180, but let's call it a score, yeah?

Well, I was wondering if we might not be able to come to some other kind of

arrangement.

Yeah? What do you have in mind?

Why don't you get in the back and see?

What's your name?

Vanessa.

I'm going to do my best to run you out this time.

Can you hear my own?