Original subtitles

Hey, bro, hook me up with one of those sticky buns.

Luke and I are the only guys I know who eat our breakfast like this.

People just don't know how good things taste airborne.

Oh, bro, hook me up.

You got it.

Oh, yeah, I can taste that warm summer breeze.

You're winning!

Crosstown Showdown, shit!

There we go.

The Crosstown Showdown is a 10 -mile skate race around Gilroy. Last year,

uh... Kojo... You know, I'm sorry. I need a moment here.

Kojo beat me.

And for the last 11 1⁄2 months, he's been rubbing my face in it.

And what just grinds my gears is that I totally would have won had I not gotten

hit by that stinking duck. True story. Check out this race footage.

Town's going down!

He gets it when he says that.

Hey, Kojo.

It's showtime.

See?

Did you see that?

Look, look, look. I'm about to make my move, and I totally would have smoked

him. I got ducked. That stinking duck came out of nowhere.

Anyway, next week is our rematch, and I'm finally going to get the chance to

shut that ham sniffer up.

Go, Joe.

All year you've been carrying that belt around. Aren't you tired of it? Good

point. I think I'll wear it.

You look like a bus loxer. Man, I'm stylish.

Ow, my pits.

Wait, don't tell me...

You won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe. Don't forget that I'm a

Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us. Wait, don't tell me.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

And then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one will hear us talking. Calm down. Because I'm a

It's only Thursday.

This anti -duck shield is going to be the key to me winning the showdown.

Wrench.

Would you pass me a wrench? I can't take any chances when dealing with the duck.

Thank you.

I'm not going to lose again if you become dumb duck.

What's that?

Nothing.

Okay, I know the whole duck thing was a bad break, but to be honest, I'm kind of

tired of hearing about it.

Okay, the guy's mentioned it 672 times.

It's not like I'm counting.

What are you counting?

Tell you what, I'm not counting. I'm not counting how many times you bring up

that duck.

Oh, come on! I was robbed!

I mean, who knew Gilroy had so many ducks?

I wasn't counting.

Luke, what's written on your hand?

Uh, don't forget.

Oh, I forgot!

Stop, okay? Three weeks ago, Jumpsuit Johnson asked me to house it.

So I'm going to be away for a few weeks while I'm in Bora Bora.

Sounds Bora Boring.

It's simple. Just water my plants, feed the fish, and take in the mail.

Boy, pay attention.

You were the last one I would have asked to do this, but everybody else was

busy. I got it. I got it.

What was it?

Water.

Food. And now I'm going to write it down. All right. So I don't

forget.

See ya.

Yeah, I forgot. Okay. I should have been there three weeks ago. I hope

everything's okay.

Oh, popsicles.

Luther J.

Waffles, responsible teenager at your service.

Oh, no!

Mr. Tucky, I'll see you in an hour.

Okay, maybe Luther's right.

Maybe I was using the duck as an excuse.

But not anymore. I'm going to kick my race training into high gear.

So, I hired the biggest trainer I could find.

I'm glad you called. With my help, I guarantee you're going to win that

crosstown showdown. Now, excuse me a second while I pull up my britches.

Okay. Kentucky may not look like an athlete, but he used to be a gold medal

powerlifter.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. The key to this race is speed. And everybody knows

speed comes from...

The leg. The butt!

My butt?

That's right.

You're glutamus maximus. And you gotta have glutes of steel.

Like mine.

Now punch me in the dumper.

That's okay.

Zeke, as your trainer, I ain't asking you. I'm telling you. Now hit me with

best shot.

It's like punching a train car.

That's why they call it the caboose. So, if you're going to beat this Kojo,

we're going to start with my new state -of -the -art exercise machine.

You want me to pull a rickshaw?

Not yet.

Now I want you to pull a rickshaw.

Let's go. Come on.

Put your back into it now.

So, chandeliers are expensive, and that's why I need a job, Don.

Well, I could use a cashier, but you gotta know your donuts.

No one knows donuts like me.

Okay, fine.

Mitzi!

I have some new exotic flavors.

If you can identify these, you got the job.

Wawa Cheddar Spinach Almond with a splash of... Play with water? That one

have dropped in the potty.

But, you know your donuts, Luther Waffle.

Welcome aboard.

One Boston Cream!

My stomach is donut hungry.

So, Dom, what's the situation with employees and free donuts?

Oh, I can't just give away donuts.

Unless, of course, they're defective, like this little guy.

See, it should go all the way around, like a circle. We can't serve it like

this, though.

Defective.

Now my cheeks are barking. That means the training's working.

Now, let's do some tater squats.

Up, down.

No pain, no gain.

Let's get those glutamuses to the maximum.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Give them a good size.

Both of them. Kojo, what are you doing now?

Just working on this year's Kojo calendar.

You should come up, man. Pose with me. You could be the month Lusetober.

Watch out.

Let's see what this corn bag's doing now.

Bro, simmer down, okay? Have a...

Dip back, dip donut.

Uh -uh, son.

You in training.

I'll take care of this.

Uh -oh. Gentlemen, I do believe there's a storm headed this way.

How can you tell? You can feel it in your bones? Nope. My ma just texted me.

See ya.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, Z.

Check out my new clowns going down pose.

Clowns going down!

Ah! Oh, oh, what's the matter?

Ain't got nothing to say?

Why don't you just admit it?

I'm a great skater.

Kojo, never in a million years would I ever say that. You don't have to. You

the belt to prove it.

Clown's going down!

Clown's going down!

Clown! Ah!

Kojo, talk to me!

Bro, I think he just got fried by lightning.

Watch out!

Kojo was struck by lightning.

This is weird stuff.

You know what's even weirder? and saucier, he's gonna be just fine.

We're not saying that he deserved it, but he is a grade -A ham -licker

about the Crosstown showdown.

It's not like we're happy he got zapped.

Maybe just for a second.

You know, bro, maybe we should get him a get -well card or something.

Sherbert Bold. We've got death.

No, that's okay, Kojo. We just came on by to drop off this card.

Sorry you were struck by licensing.

It was a shock to us, too.

Oh, that's funny.

Double up on the hug.

Okay, okay, Kojo. Glad you're feeling better.

See you at the race this weekend.

Bro, that was really, really weird. Hey.

Oh, Zeke, buddy.

Got you something.

It's all yours.

I don't skate anymore.

I'm not going to do the contest this year.

Congratulations.

Woo -hoo!

Oh, yeah, baby!

Congratulations, boy!

Ken, this isn't how it's supposed to be.

Forfeits better than a win.

No pain, I...

win this way.

Gotta earn it.

Excuse me, madam. I think the bear claw you're about to enjoy is missing a toe.

Yeah, defective.

Oh, excuse me, sir. Seems that your jelly donut sprung away.

A dozen glazed, please, Mr. Luther Waffle.

And you know what? How about a round of cupcakes for the house?

Beautiful Pete.

What's up with the weird suit?

I'm a cropping guard now, my friend.

I help people, you know, because that's what I'm all about.

Helping, being nice, and smiling wise.

All right.

Okay.

Twelve glazed.

Defective. Oh, I appreciate that.

Have a joyous day, Mr. Waffles.

Here's your paycheck.

Oh, sweet.

I quit.

What? Why?

Finally got enough money to replace jumpsuit chandelier. Thanks, Don.

Wait, Luther.

Before you leave, there's one thing I don't get. Ever since I hired you, I

more donuts than ever, but I lost money.

I wonder what happened.

I don't know, Don.

Don't want to lie, it's a great mystery.

Back there.

Whoa.

There goes the best employee I ever had.

Waddling out that door.

And getting stuck.

Dude, what's up with your butt? I got some junkage in my trunk. It's right

Stop pushing so I can... I gotta find Kojo.

Oh, yeah, he just stopped by. He wants to be a crossing guard now.

What? A crossing guard?

It's gotten way out of hand. I gotta convince him to race this afternoon.

Why? Because I'm gonna earn this belt.

Luce?

Try to cure it every once in a while.

Tojo!

Oh, hang on there, neighbor. I have to help kindly old Mrs. Weatherwax across

the street.

Watch your step. Your legs are old and brittle.

And don't forget my sticker.

Bro,

why are you doing this?

Look, I don't know if you noticed, but before lightning sizzled my buns, I was

bit of a bus waxer.

No, you?

Well, I'm different now. I'm devoting my life to helping people and being a nice

guy. Oh, right this way, kind sir.

Okay, this is not only freaky and wonky, it's fronky. The most obnoxious guy in

Gilroy has given up skating and turned into a big...

I'm all for being a better person, Kojo, but you're a skater. You won the cross

-down showdown. You said I only won because of the duck. Forget about the

I mean, maybe I would have won, maybe not.

But we'll never find out unless we race again.

Ain't gonna happen.

This is my life now.

You know, Kojo, I never wanted to admit this, but you're a great skater.

What did you just say?

You're a great skater.

Really? Yeah.

So you're saying I'm a great skater with mad skills who can beat anyone in the

world. I didn't say that. No, no, no.

You're right, Zeke. Kojo's back, baby.

Watch out.

And today at the showdown, Clown is going down.

Clown is going down.

Hey, the race starts in 45 minutes. I see you there, foolio.

Watch out. Hey, that's right. Watch out. Get out of those two cars. Watch out.

I'll see you at race.

Oh.

Perfect.

Hey!

Mr.

Jumpsuit, how was your trip?

Oh, fantastic.

I ate my weight in braised meat and got some fancy perfume from Mama.

Oh, well.

Everything seems to be in order. Where's my mail?

Oh, none came.

Except for this menu.

No bills?

No.

That's a welcome change.

Didn't I have more plans?

Oh, no, just your two lovely ferns, Shirley and Marion, and your expensive

chandeliers, just fine.

Just how you left it.

Well, Luther, I have to say you did a fine job.

The only difference I see is the size of your keister.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, look, just remember, when you hire Luther Waffles...

Takes care of your stuff.

Now, do you mind if I take you back upstairs, sir?

You relax.

Yeah.

Oh!

Welcome,

everybody, to the Gilroy Crosstown Showdown.

Good luck, hugger.

I don't need no luck. I'm going to crush your sorry buns.

Again.

Not this time. Skaters, on your mark. Wait a minute.

Whoa,

little goof.

You let yourself go.

I'm ready. Skaters, on your mark.

Get set.

but I couldn't have done this without a certain person who really pushed me to

the limit.

Kojo.

All right.

You beat me this time. But next year, I'm coming for you.

Watch.

Out.

Seriously. Watch out.

Watch out.

Looking forward to it.

Yeah!

You want me to do what?

Lift and pull.

I can't get you into shape if you don't even try.