Original subtitles

Great test, bro. You know it, bro. Nothing could ruin this day.

Lift, lift, right, lift, lift, lift. Step the weenie brigade.

Lift, lift, lift, right, come near.

Hold me, stop, hold me, stop.

At ease, men.

Udi, why don't you ease up somewhere else, because we're skating here.

And you know why it's safe to skate?

Because we're on patrol.

Three hours a week, and every other Saturday.

Ramp secured.

All right, men.

Civilian Auxiliary Brigade.

Left,

left, left, right, left, left, left.

Hey, bro, hand me that new oil you got.

Big oil.

All right.

How about me?

Hey,

bro, this stuff works pretty good.

Where'd you get it? In the mail from the foreign family that adopted me.

Oh.

What?

You already have a family.

Oh, now I got two, all right? They're sending me all types of cool stuff.

Cheese puffs?

Mm -hmm.

Packing peanut.

Wait, don't tell me, dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe.

Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us.

Wait, don't tell me, not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

We'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza and hope that no one overheard us talking. Calm down. Because

I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow, we'll have everything just fine.

Luke has done some wacky stuff over the years, but this is by far the wackest.

He went through some program for needy kids and somehow got himself adopted by

family in a weird country.

I couldn't figure out how a guy like him could qualify.

It was easy.

All I did was send in a picture.

Remember that day we found that ginormous dead roach behind the

Luke, you sent them the giant roach photo?

Yeah, I was having a good hair day. No wonder they wanted to adopt you. They

think you're some kid who's sitting around all day eating giant roaches.

What, you think so?

Why do you need two families anyway?

Oh, it's the giftage.

Okay, two families, double the presents.

I mean, these people are sending me stuff left and right.

Check this out.

This yak wool sweater.

And these yak chips. Have you tried these?

These are amazing.

You can really taste the yak in every chip.

Bro, you have to tell these people the truth.

Okay, fine. I'll write this smurf into a letter.

You can tell them in person. What?

They're flying in from Naplandia this afternoon to see you.

Their son.

Excuse me. Do you know what is this, a ramp?

Ramps? Yeah, it's a place where all the skaters hang out. Why?

We're looking for Luther Huffles.

Oh, hey, hey, I'm Zeke, Luther's best bro. You must be the Smurfins. Yeah.

We understand that this rent is where he's living now.

Huh?

We must do our traditional Naplandia welcome dance!

Yeah! Go, go, go!

Not so bad. I found this nice blanket in the grass.

Still got a couple pots left.

Folks, you'll excuse us for a second. Thanks.

What are you doing? We told me you were going to tell the Smurfs the truth. I've

been thinking about it. I think they love to give me stuff, and I can't take

that away from them.

So you're just going to lie to them?

It's not a lie, okay? It's like a...

Why Junior with cheese? I just don't worry about it.

Oh, Luther.

Oh,

and this one also is kid and Bob's papa. Come, Bobby. We must fatten both these

boys up this instant.

That's okay.

We insist.

It warms an old man's heart to see you boys finally eating a decent meal.

What is that?

Yak tongue.

That's what I thought.

So, where do you live, Zeke?

The garage.

But the hay and the mule are terrible.

Oh, no, it's not. It's not ideal, but things

could be worse.

Okay, so maybe at first I wasn't on board with Luther's little lie to the

Mervin. But after seeing how happy they were to feed us like kings, maybe Lucy

was right. Was it so wrong to let these kind folks spoil us for the next few

days? I think not.

Lucy!

Look what I finished.

Your fall sweater.

Don't you hate it when you're sitting with your fake family and your real

walks up? I mean, Nana would flip if she knew I was getting sweaters on the

side. She's kind of a sweater hog like that.

I'm not proud of what I was about to do, but I had to do it.

Leave us alone, you old bag!

Loser! You heard me scram, old lady!

I don't know what's gotten into you.

Oh, Nana, look, I am so, so, so, so sorry, okay?

That's just the family I'm helping out, all right? And they would be really

jealous if they knew how poppin' my Nana was.

You are so sweet, homie.

You're such a dear boy, Luther.

Oh, you even wore her tacky sweater just to make her feel good.

Here's a real sweater, sweetheart.

Who

was

that woman?

Oh, she's just some kooky lady who likes to pretend she's my nana.

The truth is, I don't have a nana.

Yep.

She'd loosen me.

Alone in the world.

Well,

don't you worry, boys. While we're here, we're going to take good care of you.

Well, how did this get here?

Surprise! We hope you like it. This is for your skateboarding fun.

Yeah. This is totally awesome, but you shouldn't have. This is way too

Nonsense. We are rich. Yeah, in Atlanta, we are number one seller of yak spit.

Yak spit. A million and one uses.

Enjoy.

Nothing is too good for our boys.

Yes, you could leave.

Oh, no, no, you've already done enough. Actually, Papa, there was this one

thing. Luther.

Zeke?

Hey, uh... Yes?

You know, Papa, after a long day of skating, the bod really gets sore.

And you know what helps?

A hot bath.

A hot bath?

Yeah. Well, I'm sure we can arrange for you a bathtub.

Oh, no, no, I was thinking more along the lines of a...

Powerjet 650 micro -massage with butt bubbles? Let's check it out.

Oh!

I gotta say, I was kind of wigged out when you started this little white lie,

but you know what?

Good call.

Thanks, bro.

I feel 20 years younger!

Yep, nothing can ruin this day.

Not right now, Hootie. Can't you see we're taking a sit?

Yeah, Baron, you don't have to sleep with those guys. They're just a bunch of

goofballs who march around and practice being bus waxers. Some of my finest

memories are the years I spent in the Laplandia military service.

Carry on, men!

Company, guts in, buttocks clenched.

No, no!

We were doing so well. He's killing me.

What?

Fine, then.

Yeah, we love those guys.

Mm -hmm.

So that was lie number 22.

You know, people always tell me that it's wrong to lie. But I think that

gets a bad rap, because here is a classic case. We're telling a few fibs

made everyone's lives a whole lot better.

Totally. The Smurvins are leaving tomorrow, and we've given them the

gift of all. The joy of giving us stuff.

We're good people, Lou. For bad.

Thanks for everything.

Baron, Bubby, hope it's a good year for you, Axbit. Yeah, and, you know, come

back soon, all right? And feel free to send me as many packages as you like.

We have one more gift for you.

Suitcases!

Oh, why do we need suitcases? We're taking you both home with us to

You boys will love Naplandia. We have rolling hills and bubbling brooks. We

them both for toilets.

Baron, Bubby, you both have been so incredibly nice to us and taking us back

Naplandia, that's such an amazing gesture.

Oh, amazing.

You boys are like the sons we never had.

I've never seen a guy blubber so hard in my whole life.

I don't know, man, okay?

We've had the best time we've ever had.

Let's pull it together.

We didn't have the heart to tell the Smilervans we weren't going to go, so we

didn't.

Now, Blandia...

traditional say goodbye to everything you've ever known, Dan.

There has to be some way for us to get out of moving to Naplandia and not hurt

the Smurvins' feelings.

Just have to think of the perfect lie.

Great. Now I'm at a smoothie.

Nothing could make this day any worse.

Thank you for the military discount.

I want to join the brigade.

Yep, you guys look like such respectable... Big sniffers. ...brave

around empty parking lots that we just had to join.

I understand.

We are the pride of Gilroy.

I'll get you your enrollment forms.

This idea blows chowder. Bro, trust me, it's the perfect way to get out of

moving to Naplandia. The Baron is a military man. He'll respect that. Okay,

I'm not about the military, all right? I'm a lover, not a fighter. As brigade

members, you will serve for two years, and you will be solid members of the

community.

Character and truth above all.

Yeah, we're all about the truth.

All right, so when do we get our uniforms? Because we kind of need them

You'll get those after boot camp.

Boot camp?

Oh, you're in luck.

We have one starting...

Now, you bottom feeders think you're profane material.

I'm going to ride you until you want to puke. Now drop and give me six push

-ups.

Six? Yeah, three each.

Get that down.

You eyeballing me, boy?

Huh? Or maybe two more push -ups? Or change your tune?

Up, two, three, four.

Up, two, three, four.

Up, two, three, four.

Up, two... Two, three, four. Two, three, four. Company, chillax.

Chillaxing, sir.

What is going on?

Where are your suitcases?

Tell him, Private.

Well, Papa, we can't go to Neplandia with you. What?

You see, we have this brigade thing. Honor, loyalty, truth.

And all that other junk.

See, I didn't want to tell you earlier because I knew you'd be really

disappointed.

Well, I am disappointed that you will not be coming back to Dublandia with us,

but as a former military man myself, I'm very proud of my son.

Well,

Luke, that was ugly, but looks like we're in the clear. This calls for a

We interrupt this broadcast for an emergency message from the civilian's

auxiliary brigade.

Due to unprecedented snowmuth attacks, the brigade has been called to action to

protect our friendly neighbors to the north.

He can't mean us, right? No way. The following recruits will be deployed to

Canada immediately.

Private Luther Waffles, report.

Private Zeke Falcone, report.

I repeat, Private Luther Waffles, report.

Private Zeke Falcone, report.

Ah,

just in time, Private. Now get those buns on the butt.

Hoo -ah.

Hoo -ah. Yeah, about that, Hootie, we can't go.

Why not?

Because, um, we, we, we are allergic to snow moose. Yeah, I can't even go around

in snow moose or my tongue starts swelling up.

Ah, oh, it's thawing. I know what's going on here.

You won all the glory of being in the brigade without the sacrifice.

You make me sick.

Now get on that bus.

What? We heard the news. Before you left, Luther, I wanted to give you this.

It's my old army canteen.

Oh, you should have. The milk has been in there for 25 years.

And it's still good.

You guys are too kind to me.

Nonsense. We are your family, Luther.

It's the crazy lady again. Go away.

Don't you tell me to get away. I'm his nana, and I make his favorite sweater.

You call that a sweater?

You better cork that hole.

Nana, good job.

Okay, the lies had gotten out of control. Fibs turned into white lies.

lies turned into power lies. And power lies turned into two old ladies going at

it with knitting needles.

Bro, we're going to need a monster lie to get out of this one.

No, bro.

We're done here.

Everyone!

I want to say that Luth and I made a mistake.

What we told you wasn't exactly the truth.

In fact, it was the opposite of the truth. We lied. What?

And now, somehow, we've ended up in these stupid, itchy uniforms.

Look, it's all my fault, okay?

I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings.

Buffy? Baron?

I don't live in a shanty, okay? I live in a real house with a real family.

You know it, homie.

I just... I love that you guys wanted to care for me so much, and...

Luthor, even though you lie worse than filthy goat, you're still family.

Oh, thank you.

No.

Family time over.

Raccoons, let's go. Double time.

Right.

Canada.

Bye, everyone.

Does anyone have any jumper cables?

Well, after two hours of herding moose back into the wild, we were home. The

best part was that the Smurvens stuck around for an extra couple of days so we

could repay their kindness. No one can do kindness like we can.

Yeah,

it's war.

I'm like, whoa!

All right, let's go! All right, Bobby!

Whoa!

I think we did good, bro. That's the truth. Slow butter.

That was great!

Let's do it again! Come on!

Nana? Bobby?

Now, I know you two haven't always gotten along.

So we're going to settle this like mature adults.

Okay, anything goes.

Except for biting.

Now, remember, this is not a competition.

It's an exhibition.

You're going down, sister.

Oh, bring on the heat.

Three, two, one, go!