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Well, it's a typical Christmas in
California.
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70 degrees, the surfing is great, and
everyone's out of school going bonkers.
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20 minutes?
4
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,980
But for Luce, Christmas ain't that fun.
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He gets sort of edgy. It's gonna be
another 20, so I can't even get a good
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00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,760
in.
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Luce, it's Christmas.
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You just gotta deal with it.
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Have a piece of toast.
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An NP?
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A thinking end piece. Can I not get
anything nice around here?
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We get stressed during the holidays.
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Sorry. I get like that, too. And it's
not just because we can't get a good
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00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:41,490
in. Luce and I have got good reason not
to dig Christmas anymore.
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Ever since we've gotten older, we've
gotten lousier presents.
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You ain't lying.
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00:00:46,010 --> 00:00:47,010
Socks and underwear.
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Socks and underwear. I mean, I know that
Christmas is about giving and not
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getting, but this is out of control.
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And poor Luce has got it worse than I
do. My family's crafty, so they make
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stuff. Last Christmas, my Nana knitted
this baseball glove.
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And that.
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00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:04,900
But if there was one thing that Zeke and
I wanted, I know what it would be.
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Don't say it, Luke. We promised we
wouldn't torture ourselves.
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The Turf Monster.
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And we said it.
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The Turf Monster! You know you want it.
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The Turf Monster!
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You know you want it.
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The Turf Monster!
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You know you want it.
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Man, I want it. I mean, imagine the
places we could take that thing. But now
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that we're older, the days of getting
good presents are long gone.
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I mean, seriously, Luke, come here.
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Please, for me, just eat a cantaloupe
and relax.
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I don't want a cantaloupe.
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I want a middle piece of bread, not a
butt beat.
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That wasn't supposed to happen.
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Sorry about that, sir.
40
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Dude, we messed up Santa bad.
41
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Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't
believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe.
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Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you
crazy? Someone should be listening to
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us. Wait, don't tell me. Not again.
44
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Would you just calm down? Is there a
problem?
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Let's get a pizza.
46
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And then we'll act like nothing ever
happened.
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Hey, bingo gels, bingo gels, bingo gels.
Hold on.
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Santa, sir.
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How many fingers?
50
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I think he's hungry.
51
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,760
You know this guy over here? Of course I
know him, you doorknob.
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Come on, old -timer.
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Snap out of it. Oh, bingo gels, bingo
gels.
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You've got to be kidding me.
55
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:06,280
I finally find the most legit -looking
Santa in the history of all Santas. Some
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yahoo throws a melon.
57
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Yeah, I hate melons.
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Look at him. He's perfect.
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Real beard, rosy cheeks.
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Don't worry, sir. I mean... What do you
mean, don't worry? We have a job at the
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Gilroy Galleria in 45 minutes. Yeah?
What kind of job? He's a mall Santa, you
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hockey puck.
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Kids sit on his lap, parents snap a
picture.
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So what do you do?
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I'm a pro basketball player.
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00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,400
You know, I don't like you.
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00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:39,820
Well, Mr. Alpha, we'll take him to the
doctor, but I'm sure he's going to be
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fine.
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I don't know if the elf is mean.
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Ladies and gentlemen, The toy sensation
of the Christmas season, the Pootie Poo.
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As you know, these lovable little
things, pooties, are sold out in stores.
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Probably because I bought them all back
in July.
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00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,080
Question from John Q. Customer.
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00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,400
Do you offer free gift wrapping?
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Yes, we do, for $9 .95.
76
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,720
Okay, step on up, one for customer.
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00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:15,000
Follow -up question. I noticed the hefty
$75 price tag. May I use a coupon from
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the Rib Shack?
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No, Ozzie.
80
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This is highway robbery!
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I'll take one.
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Cutting. Possible cut.
83
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,860
Doctor says Santa's going to be fine. He
just needs a lot of food and a lot of
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00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:30,240
rest. Yeah. He's on his third bowl of
soup.
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He doesn't seem tired.
86
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,400
There's got to be another Santa who
needs an elf. What's he doing? Hey, what
87
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,480
about old Gus Philpot? Talking to his
agent. He said what?
88
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,520
Well, tell him he's got an anger
problem.
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00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,940
I got bupkis. Thanks for ruining my
Christmas.
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00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:52,160
Wait a second. What about your job at
the mall? What about all the kids
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to see Santa?
92
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,340
All those kids waiting to see Santa.
93
00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:58,220
Don't put this on me. You guys messed
this thing up.
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00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,920
Okay, Leith, I know that we have issues
with Christmas, but this doesn't feel
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good.
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00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:10,900
Those kids, those lovable, stinking kids
are just waiting.
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00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:13,260
What are you thinking?
98
00:05:18,770 --> 00:05:19,770
Hey, you want to do this?
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Let's do it.
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00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:27,930
What'd I do?
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00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:30,290
Hey,
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kid, what do you want for Christmas?
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Okay.
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00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:43,980
Don't you think you're a little old? a
pain on Santa's lap, kid?
105
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:47,240
Some say I'm too old for pacifiers, but
they relax me.
106
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,700
I'll tell you, what do you want for
Christmas?
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Oh, nothing.
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Just felt like chatting.
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Okay, all right. Okay, let's... Come on,
Jack!
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What have we got here? Looks just like a
workshop at home.
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Okay,
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random Santa guy, I'm going to have to
ask you to leave my garage and...
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Ladies?
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You're fired!
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00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:36,760
Hey, you've got some skills, Big Red.
Well, I've had a little practice.
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Nice laugh.
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Way to keep things Christmassy.
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So here's the deal. Basically, I... I
have 24 hours to unload a pallet of
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poopies. I need some serious help around
here.
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00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:47,890
What do you say?
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You do the wrapping, I'll do the
selling.
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Well, Santa's got a lot of presents to
deliver tonight.
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All right, one question.
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What are you going to do with the money
you make?
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00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:02,290
Spa weekend, baby.
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00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:05,250
Massage, manicure, pedicure, the work.
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00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:09,530
Why? Because I deserve it. You know,
this is the season of... Giving, yeah.
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Please. Call me Santa.
129
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,600
Hey, I'll buy you the Prince of Pancakes
if you just keep rapping like that.
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Yeah.
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00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,500
All right, kid, what can Santa get you
this Christmas?
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I want the Turf Monster.
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00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:31,740
I know you want it. It's got fat tires
for going off -road? Yes, kid, I know.
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00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,060
Santa knows exactly what a Turf Monster
is. You couldn't handle that much
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00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:36,060
awesomeness.
136
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:40,040
Dude, sorry. You want a candy cane?
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Thanks for stopping by.
138
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:44,540
All right, come on. You know where to
go.
139
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,039
All right, bro.
140
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,340
Good Christmas deed done. Let's get out
of here.
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00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:51,740
I'm sort of bummed. All these kids
talking about these Christmas gifts
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going to get. I know. Everyone's going
to be looking forward to Christmas
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morning except us.
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Oh, Santa, baby!
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Don't forget my candy!
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00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:00,679
Oh, no.
147
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,700
Here comes Kirby.
148
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:06,020
Just when we thought it couldn't get any
worse, up walked Kirby Cheddar, the
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00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,380
most spoiledest kid in Gilroy.
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00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:08,740
Check it out.
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00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:14,550
Limited edition air dampening. $3 ,000
gold watch. Yeah, rumor has it his
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underwear is lined with lamb foot.
153
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:18,610
But really, Kirby's smile says it all.
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This is the smile of a kid who gets
everything he wants.
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Judge, write down anything he says, and
I'll get it for him.
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Okay,
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let's get started.
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00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:32,210
I want twinning bicycles, one for
weekdays and one for weekends. And like
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Luther and I were handed the Christmas
miracle we were looking for. I wonder if
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Luther's thinking what I'm thinking.
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Regia, can you write anything I want on
this list?
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Two turf monsters.
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And if you get me all those things,
it'll be a very good Christmas ending.
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00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,920
Please tell me you did what I hope you
did. We got two turf monsters.
165
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:12,180
Luke and I covered for you. Oh, I see
what's going on. You guys stole my job.
166
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,320
No, no, no. We were trying to steal your
job. Come on. Take it easy.
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00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,460
I'm done taking it easy.
168
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,500
Go, go, go, go.
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I'll go get you.
170
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:29,560
It's finally here.
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Christmas. Besides an angry elf chasing
Luke and I, I think it's going to be a
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00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,480
good one.
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First time in years, I might get a
Christmas present that I actually want.
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00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:41,860
How much is your deluxe spa retreat?
175
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:44,300
Manicure, pedicure, yogurt wrap.
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Let
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me
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guess, up all night delivering Christmas
presents?
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Sorry about that.
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00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:01,700
$500 an hour?
181
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,080
No problem.
182
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,120
Make it two hours.
183
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:17,810
Merry Christmas, bro.
184
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:18,850
You too, bro.
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00:10:18,930 --> 00:10:19,909
Oh, that's good.
186
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,550
Okay, now before Kirby opens our
present, don't think I forgot about our
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gift. Aw,
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00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:28,350
$20. Bro, now that's all.
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Here's your $20.
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00:10:31,550 --> 00:10:32,550
Merry Christmas.
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Okay.
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00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:36,970
Now he's taking off the bow.
193
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,850
Now he's showing the bow to his mom.
194
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:43,230
Now he's sniffing the bow.
195
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,310
Just hurry up and open it, you little
nut!
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00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:06,780
That's right, you cheese nuts.
197
00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:08,220
I ain't going nowhere!
198
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,540
We finally
199
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:20,260
got them. We got our turf monsters.
200
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,660
Getting them from Cheddar was easier
than we thought. After the coast was
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00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,940
we just knocked on the door.
202
00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:30,660
Hello, Mrs. Cheddar. Merry Christmas.
Yep, we're collecting unwanted gifts for
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00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:31,419
the greedy.
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00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:34,780
Needy. I have two skating boards my
bubble cheeks doesn't want.
205
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,240
I'll go get them.
206
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,240
Oh, here are some holiday perron
puddings for you.
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00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,040
Double score.
208
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,100
Come on, let's go air these puppies out.
209
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,300
Oh, Mr.
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00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:53,800
Santa. Are you sleeping?
211
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:57,600
Time to find out who you really are.
212
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,180
Santa Claus, 28 ice... East Road.
213
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:06,780
North Pole.
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00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:08,700
Sick ID.
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00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:10,040
You've got to be kidding me.
216
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:13,060
Ginger.
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00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:18,560
Are you looking for something? No, just
passing through. You're probably
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00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,800
wondering why I'm not up at the North
Pole.
219
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:26,380
Since you mention it. I had a busy
night. So I thought I'd rest up a little
220
00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:28,460
before I went back on my long trip home.
221
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,660
Right. Well, you better get your rest.
222
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,630
Just lay back. Yep.
223
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:38,930
And you can just put my wallet back in
my coat.
224
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,010
Can't wait to take these babies off for
us.
225
00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:48,290
Ooh, the turf monster.
226
00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:52,550
You know you want it. Bro, I'm filled
with Christmas vibes right now.
227
00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:57,070
Great.
228
00:12:58,170 --> 00:12:59,330
Hey, Cheddar, what's shaking?
229
00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:00,950
Nothing.
230
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,650
Cheddar, cheer up.
231
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,260
Okay, Cheddar, stop crying.
232
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,860
Bro, he's messing up my holiday vibe.
233
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,940
What was I thinking?
234
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,300
Cheddar may be spoiled, but he's still a
kid.
235
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,620
Zeke's not a bad person, okay? He just
makes bad decisions sometimes.
236
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,040
Me? What about you?
237
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,380
Yeah, me too. That's right. The point is
that we had to do something to make
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00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,380
things right.
239
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,820
Okay, let's take it out.
240
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:40,820
Okay, here's what I heard.
241
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,620
that Santa was up in Yuba City last
night and he had sleigh trouble.
242
00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:49,400
Really? Sleigh trouble? What kind of
sleigh trouble? Just sleigh trouble,
243
00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,300
Oh, I hear you, bro.
244
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,840
But what kind of sleigh trouble? It
doesn't matter. The point is that it's
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00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,600
Christmas today, which means technically
Santa has till the end of the day to
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00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,400
deliver all his Christmas junk. Oh,
sleigh trouble.
247
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:07,380
So I still might get my present? You
said it yourself. You've been a good boy
248
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,560
all year. You're golden.
249
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,620
So, what did you want for Christmas?
250
00:14:10,940 --> 00:14:12,800
I want a booty pool.
251
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:18,360
A booty pool. I think I know... I mean,
I think Santa knows exactly where to
252
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,360
find one of those.
253
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,920
Sold out? You had a garage full of them.
254
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,880
What do you want one for?
255
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,740
We're trying to make a boy's Christmas
dreams come true, okay?
256
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:29,960
It's a classic.
257
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,700
Oh, isn't that special?
258
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:34,200
Last one just went off with that driver.
259
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,760
Yo, buddy, hey! Guys, hold on.
260
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,320
This guy can get you one.
261
00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:44,760
Mr. Christmas Wish, Mr. Jolly all the
time. Santa, these guys need a Christmas
262
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,840
miracle. Look, it just doesn't work that
way. I can't possibly just... Didn't
263
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:50,840
think so.
264
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,360
The last Poodie Poo and Gilroy is on
that delivery truck.
265
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,060
Let's hop on it.
266
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:04,360
Ginger, I don't think you really
understand what Christmas is all about.
267
00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:05,660
Yeah, I do.
268
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,040
It's about a luxurious weekend at the
spa.
269
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,520
Ginger, Christmas is about giving.
270
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,460
Even your brother Zeke learned that.
271
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,500
I am so sick of the Santa act.
272
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:20,740
You want giving? I'll give you this
whole stack of cash if you just admit
273
00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:21,860
you're not Santa Claus.
274
00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:23,620
All right, you got me.
275
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,560
My name is Wesley Gettleson. I sell
doors, and I like to dress up like Santa
276
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,740
Claus at the holidays.
277
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,040
I knew it.
278
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,370
Keep your money, Ginger.
279
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:41,250
You don't need to go to a fancy spa to
make yourself feel good inside.
280
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,420
Kirby's Christmas dreams are now driving
away in that van. And all because of
281
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,420
Santa's little helper.
282
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:36,900
All right, Stretch.
283
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,000
It's time to cha -cha. You ruined my
Christmas.
284
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:42,960
Now I'm going to ruin your fate.
285
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:47,020
Bro, seriously, what do I do? I'm pretty
sure punching an elf is bad luck.
286
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,000
Okay,
287
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:51,060
it is off!
288
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,460
Clearly there was more going on here
than just a ticked off belt. This guy
289
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:57,540
devoted his entire Christmas to messing
with him. And then it hit me.
290
00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,560
He had nowhere else to go.
291
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,180
Bro, he's not fighting dirty. He's just
fighting weird.
292
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:06,020
Time out, time out. I want to ask you
something.
293
00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:11,920
What? I was wondering if after you're
done beating up my friend, if you wanted
294
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,420
to come to a Christmas party with us.
295
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:17,040
Look, we're really sorry that we
accidentally wrecked your Christmas.
296
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,680
We didn't mean to.
297
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,500
What do you say?
298
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,280
That'll be real nice.
299
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:28,859
Thank you.
300
00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:29,860
You're welcome.
301
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,080
You're not telling me when I got beat up
by an elf.
302
00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:40,500
So we made one person's Christmas a
little better.
303
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,460
But it doesn't take away the sting that
we're feeling about Kirby.
304
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,300
Yeah, he didn't get a pootie.
305
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,700
So we had to give him something.
306
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,400
So we're going to give him this old
football.
307
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,520
Where are you going?
308
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:53,680
I'm going to a party.
309
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:06,610
What's up, Sergio?
310
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,950
Oh, everybody actually showed up.
311
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:20,210
Wow, where'd all this food come from?
312
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:24,350
We're a travel fast, my friend. A
mystery donor supplied this scrumptious
313
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:27,090
spread. All hail the mystery donor.
314
00:18:27,290 --> 00:18:28,290
Woo!
315
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,140
Whoever spent their money on all this
made a lot of people happy.
316
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:39,460
How do you feel?
317
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,880
I feel a warm, gooey feeling inside.
318
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,120
I can stand this once a year.
319
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,200
Merry Christmas, Santa.
320
00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:53,160
I mean, with me.
321
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,620
Merry Christmas, Ginger.
322
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:08,880
Seeing Kirby's hopeful face, it made me
realize that Luth and I shouldn't have
323
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,440
cared so much about what we wanted.
324
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,740
This gift is to Kirby from Santa.
325
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:17,140
Unfortunately, he was about to get
crushed. It was all our fault.
326
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:24,760
Hey,
327
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,200
we can put a football in there.
328
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,180
Change, where'd your friend go?
329
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,860
Guess he's going back home.
330
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,000
28 Ice Road.
331
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,520
North Pole.
332
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,020
I thought I heard a sleigh bell.
333
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,500
Yeah, me too.
334
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:13,570
So, Oz, what's the deal with these
pootie poos? Why are they so great?
335
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,670
I will show you. Can pootie sit in your
hand?
336
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:18,430
Sure.
337
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:21,410
Tickle his tummy. He makes a little
noise.
338
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,190
And out comes the yummy.
339
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,890
What is that?
340
00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:28,390
It's raisins.
341
00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:31,250
Pootie's nothing but a lovable raisin
dispenser.
342
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:35,170
Yeah, I'll just stick to eating raisins
out of the box.
26433
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