Original subtitles

Park it right here, pal.

Nice and slow.

No can do.

Map says your job's on the next block.

No, Big Boss wants you to drop your load right in the bottle.

You know, ramps go through a lot of wear and tear, so every once in a while we

gotta get creative and give it a makeover. A makeover?

Huh?

Not that type of makeover, Lou.

Sorry, Mac.

No cement till I talk to the big boss.

Oh, for Pete's sake, what's the holdup, Frank? Look, give me a break, okay, big

boss? This guy's busting my chops.

I am a no -moon. My old lady's on a warpath at home and my kids are running

ragged. I hear that.

Yeah, got 35 kids in my cell.

All twin.

All right, where do you want it?

Man, this is going to be awesome.

Do your socks feel really snug?

Yeah, kind of.

Oh, this is all your fault. No, it's your fault. No, it's your fault.

Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe.

Don't forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us.

Wait, don't tell me. Not again.

Well, dude, just calm down. Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

And then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one overheard us talking. Calm down. Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow, we'll have everything just fine.

Okay, we can do this, all right? On three. Ready?

Three.

Oh, boys!

Well, well, well.

Zeke and Luther, my two favorite troublemakers.

Hey, Deputy Dingle, how's it shaking?

I'll tell you how it's shaking. I just received a report that two strange

-looking construction workers stole some cement.

Well, it's not us, because we're just a couple of guys chilling, dribbling some

hooves.

Can I get your ball? We're done.

Something different about you two.

I can't quite put my finger on it. New haircut?

I got new shoes.

Ah -ha!

Call off the helicopters.

I found the cement snatchers. Don't put me in cement.

Oh, Hart.

I really enjoyed hanging out with you these last couple of days. Me too,

You know you're a special girl.

I know.

Hey, Ginger.

The warm in my cast just had babies.

I thought you'd want to know.

Get lost, stinky cat.

So this is our third date.

And according to my relationship schedule, we should... I'm way ahead of

Ginger.

My first kiss.

I've been waiting my whole life for this.

Hey, Ginger.

I'm going in.

A guy could get used to that.

Beat it, Hart. She's got the stink on her now.

You boys have quite a record.

Knocking over mailboxes, TP in the library, punching a clown. Hey, I merely

pushed the clown.

Cannots. No back sass.

Or sass back.

Anyway, here's what we're going to do.

You boys are going to participate in our police ride -along program.

So you can see just how difficult it is to be a cop and wear this badge.

Oh, nuts. Hey, guys, I lost my badge again.

Come on, dirtbag. Don't waste your time.

Second!

And that's why policemen always wear two pairs of underpants.

True story.

Wow.

See, put that away and pay attention.

Police work is serious business.

I think I hit a doggy.

No, we're okay. It's a kid's bike.

Hey, what's this?

We got a 619.

Glitter bug.

Pick up the trash, dirtbag!

I like your

style, Waffles.

We gonna bust some lowlife?

No, I forgot to feed my cat, Mr. Perfect Paws. I gotta find him. This is your

house? No, it's my mom. I live with her.

I got my own room, though.

Hey! Put it down out there!

Ah! We're trying to work down here!

Nice pool, huh?

My pride and joy.

One lap every other week keeps the body in tick -tock shape.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, yeah.

Definitely.

But where are we going to get the monkeys?

Huh?

No, I was thinking how cool it would be to train the pool and then skate in it.

Oh, yeah.

Me too.

One of the best perks of the job, boys. Three donuts.

Oh, cool.

I hope you boys have learned something today.

Being a policeman ain't easy.

In my world, everyone's a potential perp.

Praise Grandpa!

Easy waffles.

Luke, what are you doing? He's just an old guy.

Oh, yeah?

Look,

you're not a bad person.

Just made a bad choice.

Nice work, Waffles.

How'd you know the guy was packing?

Well, you see, either his left leg's longer than his right, or his right

shorter than his left. Either way, he's wearing a hat.

You know what rhymes with a hat?

Donut.

Brilliant.

Well, we could use a nice young man like you on the force.

Give me a call if you're ever interested.

Or if you find my badge.

Oh, it's on your back.

You are good.

Relax. Just relax. Pull up.

Figure it out.

Come on, man. Move this thing. We can't escape.

That's right.

Meet Gilroy's newest junior deputy.

Me! After watching Dingle and seeing all the perks.

Free donuts, y 'all.

Took a test, tinkled in a cup, and a week later, bam!

Move aside, civilian.

All right, move it, buddy.

Don't make me write you.

Yeah.

Are you kidding me?

Luther Waffles, junior deputy?

This is awesome!

My best bro in the whole entire world is totally on the inside. I can get away

with anything I want. Anything!

Wow, Luke, that was sweet.

You want to see something sweeter?

Free donuts, y 'all!

I can't get this taste out of my mouth.

It's like bologna meets a goat puke.

Ginger, bad news.

Stinky's been telling everyone at school that you two are in...

My life is ruined!

There's my sugar lip. Miss me?

Painting a pool is a serious crime, Waffles.

And I have reason to believe a skateboarder did the dirty deed.

Nothing stokes the imagination of a skateboarder like the sight of an empty

pool. I hear that.

The curved bottom, the smooth walls, the pouty lip of the shallow end. It's

irresistible.

Sorry, sir.

Right away, sir.

This is serious business, kid.

You're a junior deputy, and it's your duty to look for clues and find whoever

did this.

Yes, sir.

Those are my goggles. Quit poking them.

Put that away and pay attention.

I was thinking how cool it would be to drain the pool and then skate in it.

He drained the pool.

We need to find the sicko who drained my pool before we have empty pools all

over town.

We... Gotta find that sicko.

I became a junior deputy for free donuts and a shiny badge.

Not to fight crime, and definitely not to turn my best bro in.

This is a real pickle.

Actually, this is a real pickle.

So, what's going to happen to this person if he's caught?

I'll tell you what would happen.

We'd lock him up and throw away the key.

Actually, that's not true.

We probably just put the key in this drawer.

Oh, man.

Hang on.

You know something you're not telling me?

Don't do it, bro. You can't rat out your best friend. I'll rat him out.

Zeke's the idiot who drained the pool.

You think it's fair that you lose your donut class because he's the major fist

-muncher?

Hey, guys.

What's going on? Nothing. Nothing. Just chilling.

Okay. See you guys later.

See you later, bro. Gotta go finish my homework. I gotta go copy his homework.

Wait, wait. Guys, should I tell Dingle that Zeke drained the pool?

Zeke!

Did I say that out loud?

Oh, yes, you did.

This is Zeke's skate key. I found it by the pool drain valve.

Exhibit A.

Now all we need is a confession.

A confession?

Yeah, and you're gonna get it.

But I don't want to get it.

Hey, Sugarloaf.

How's dinner coming?

It's going to be some sweet eating tonight.

Found a costume on the side of the road. Still had all the good parts.

Hey, wifey.

Sticky Jr. needs a change.

due to the swamp, we're going to the opera.

Care to join us?

Thanks for the offer, but I can't afford shoes.

You're a lucky man, Stinky Cass.

Things would have turned out differently if I kissed Ginger that day.

Yeah, well, you missed out, sucker.

Now you two get.

Good evening, guys.

Me and my man got some smooching to do.

This will not happen.

I don't know if I want to wear a hidden microphone.

It just doesn't seem right.

What, did you think being a junior deputy was going to be all fun and free

donut?

Yeah. Look, Waffles, Zeke drained the pool. Now you need to get him to

Hey, Luke.

Zeke's coming. Quick, put this on.

There's an earpiece in the flap. I can communicate with you through the closet.

Just that pants. Just that pants.

Hey, bro, I got your message. What's up?

Hey, bro.

Just, uh, wanted to spend some quality time with my bro, man.

That's with a goofy hat.

The doctor said I have a chilly head. Uh, itis.

Why don't you sit down, huh? Take a load off.

So, uh, did you hear about Deputy Dingle's pool being drained?

Yeah, that guy's a total tuna jockey.

What a total tuna jockey.

Hey, I'm tuna lover. I'm sorry.

Move closer. I can't hear him.

What do you know about Deputy Dingle's pool being drained?

What's going on with you?

Is that a wire?

What is that? I don't know. Probably just a large chest hair.

Ah! Silly pie!

You just tried to get me to confess to draining Dingo's pool.

What? No, I didn't. How could you do something like this? I'm your best bro.

At least I thought I was.

Dog cone.

I did it for you.

You said you wanted to talk.

But if I take this off, there won't be any talking.

Just smooching.

All right, Stink.

I want to make a deal.

Here are my terms.

If you agree to stop hounding me and stop telling people that we are a

I'll give you one lap.

Farewell, kid.

Hmm. Interesting.

Now here are my terms.

No. Okay.

Deal. Take off your cone and put on this blindfold.

Whatever you want.

To your top.

Ready? Make it a good one.

Oh, yeah, Ginger.

You still got it.

Holy pig, actually.

Marine!

I could haul you in just for running, you know that? I didn't do it, I swear.

Oh, really?

Then how do you explain this?

The sandwich?

No, wait.

I mean this.

Your buddy Luther found your skate key at the crime scene. I must have dropped

it when we were going to feed your cat.

Blaming Mr. Perfect Paws?

You make me sick. I'm hauling you in.

Stop!

Okay?

Zeke is my best bro.

If he said he didn't do it, then the pool must have got drained some other

Oh, really?

How?

Okay, I got it.

You forgot to feed your cat again, so we ran up the tree looking for acorns to

eat. Again with Mr. Perfect Pod. And then he fell out the tree, screeched,

waking up your mom, who came outside in her orange bathrobe, and threw a shoe,

accidentally hitting the valve, which emptied the pool.

That's what happened.

You honestly expect us to believe that crazy story.

Let's go, dirtbag.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Wally, take that noise someplace else!

about wraps it up, I guess.

Hey, it's closed.

Hey, you guys want to see my room? I just got a new beanbag chair.

Believe me, I did not see that coming. But I guess when it comes to the truth,

it can turn up in the oddest ways.

When it comes to Luther, it can turn out to be the best buddy a guy could ask

for.

Bro, it's kind of awkward when you talk about me and I'm in the same room.

Go on.

No. No, I'm done.

Since Junior Deputy Waffles resigned from the force, we're very glad you've

taken an interest in becoming part of Gilroy's finest.

Whatever. Where's my equipment?

Uh, okay. Uh, well.

This is your badge.

These are your handcuffs. And this is extra strength chili spray.

Now remember, You're a junior deputy of the law. Don't abuse the power.

No, I would never.

No free refills, bucko. Get lost, mini -munch.