Original subtitles

Booth and I operate on the idea that if we want to become pro skaters, we have

to act like pro skaters. You're loud and clear, bro.

Not so professional.

Yeah, you're right.

So, we're always comparing ourselves to the pros.

We check out their moves.

We can do the moves!

Then we look at their gear. We got the gear, baby!

And then we check out their clothes.

Then we noticed that the pros have something that Luth and I don't have.

Girlfriends. I'm lonesome. You'll be fine. I don't know how we missed it, but

they all have girlfriends.

You know, to hang out with after a hard day of skating and whatnot.

Even Kojo got a girlfriend from that dumb teen dating show.

This is such a tough decision.

Kojo, will you accept this rose? Of course I will, snooker bun.

That's right!

Yes! Watch out!

We gotta take the plunge, Lute.

Get us some girlfriends.

We're gonna get some ladies.

How are we gonna do that?

I don't know.

Maybe it's in that magazine.

Dude, you won't believe what happened. Yes, no, maybe. Don't forget that I'm a

genius. Are you crazy? Someone could be listening to us. Wait, don't tell me.

Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

Then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one will ever hear us talking. Calm down. Cause I'm a genius.

It's only Thursday.

And by tomorrow we'll have everything just fine.

You in?

All right, guess she's all yours.

Okay. I can do this, getting a girlfriend.

I'm a cute guy, right?

Yeah, definitely. You're a cool cat.

Cutie cat.

Captain Cutie Cat.

What are you tube socks up to now?

Jojo, here's a dollar.

Go buy yourself a new rose.

Mind if I curl up in your lap?

Meow.

Nice,

so I'll just call you later.

If you guys are trying to meet girls, you're making this way too difficult.

There's only one surefire way. Kojo, we don't need any of your advice.

We're fine.

Luce, what happened?

Maybe she's allergic to cats.

Yep. You guys are doing just fine.

Raspberry with a loser boost.

Yeah, I was, uh... Oh, Saul.

Who was that?

I don't know. I've never seen him before.

Huh? Uh, Kojo, wait up.

So, remember when you were talking about that one surefire way of meeting girls?

I know it's probably dumb, and, uh... Just in case, do you want to tell us

it is?

Gentlemen, you're in good hands.

I present to you my big book of female ladies.

I've got the inside info on every single girl in Milpitas. I can match up any

losers. Even you two.

Sweet. We're not losers.

All right, let's get started.

Luke Goof, tell me about your perfect lady.

Like brown hair, brown eye.

Go for about 5 '4". I could even go for a two -footer.

That's a tad short, Luke. I know.

What can I say?

I like the shorty.

I'm a little more simple.

I want a girl who's smart, nice to look at, And she has to love to laugh. Gotta

have a sense of humor.

All right, got it.

Now, as soon as I get my $40 processing fee, you guys will have your perfect

girlfriends. But first, my little disclaimer.

Kojo and Kojo's Big Book of Female Ladies cannot be held responsible in the

event that the girls have moved away, changed their hairstyle, or fallen out

the ugly tree. All comments made by the female ladies do not necessarily reflect

the opinions of Kojo or the parent company of Kojo and Kojo's mom.

Good thing about getting a girlfriend is that I've never kissed a girl before.

I think about it.

A lot.

That's why I ordered kissing Katie.

Yeah. Found her in a magazine.

And she comes with a suction door mount.

I've been waiting to practice kissing on her because I just get so nervous.

She's cute though, huh?

What? Oh, I have nice lips.

I can't kiss a plastic dummy?

Look, maybe, just maybe tonight, I'll get a kiss from a real girl.

I asked Kojo for a girl with brain, look, and a sense of humor.

And there she is, reading a big old hairy book.

So she's definitely smart.

And yeah, she's very attractive.

Two out of three. Well, I hope she likes to laugh.

Hey, I'm Zeke. You must be Allie. Why, hello.

Allie.

Allie Gator.

Just kidding.

Wow, quite a laugh you got there.

Yeah, I swallowed an air horn when I was three.

Not.

So I won this goldfish at the fair, and it died.

Everyone was like, flush it down the toilet.

But I didn't, because that's wrong.

So I stuffed it and made it into a keychain.

Enchanting.

So, Lorna.

That's an interesting name.

What are you into?

Boys.

Look, my girlfriend had a lip whisker a foot long.

staring at me?

Not all boys.

Just super, super cute ones with red hair and freckles.

The kind of boys I just want to kiss.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Let's eat something, yeah?

Looks like you like the chicken skewers.

What I want isn't on the menu.

Really? Just relax.

Are you relaxed? No.

Oh, poor thing.

Come on. Let Mama take you to Kissy Town. But I don't want to go to Kissy

Hey, guys.

Allie wants to grab a picture in the photo booth.

Oh, yeah. We would love to go to the photo booth. Come on. Let's go to Booty

Town.

Bro,

my girlfriend.

Far from perfect. What?

Yours? Hey, mine has a runaway whisker, right? No, no, no.

Ah! Ah!

Hold on. Don't put their leg over here.

Ah, someone get their knee in my back. All right.

I don't feel good, bro. What?

Not having a girlfriend.

What were we thinking?

Yeah, there's no such thing as a perfect girl. Yeah.

The only girl I'll ever need is right here.

Yeah.

Here's a single pizza toast for my single friend.

There's a dude.

That dude is thick.

He's talented.

Dude is not a dude.

Wow.

She's a very talented mic enthusiast.

Yeah, yeah. She's very enthousiast.

If there's one thing we know, that girl's in trouble.

Right, Luke?

Oh, yeah.

Trouble with a capital T.

Oh, you're buttering your hand.

I know.

Okay. The moment I saw her, I felt like I got kicked in the stomach by an angel.

She was the perfect girl.

The moment I saw her, okay, I felt like I was going to barf in her face.

Look, and I don't mean to get so sappy with you guys, but I was in L -U -V -E.

I couldn't tell Luke how I felt.

Couldn't tell you how I felt.

Man,

I'm hot.

Oh, not like that. It's hot out.

Here, can you get a picture of me and my bike?

Sure, yeah.

I want to send it to my friends back home.

They're shoveling snow right now.

Is that mean?

You know, good.

It'll be funnier that way.

I got it.

Oh, but her paws are dunking up her camera. They'll have a picture in a

Stop it.

Do it. Hello?

Do it.

Okay. You're not getting it.

It's point and shoot. Nothing to bite over.

Oh, Luke, you made a real dork out of yourself right there. Who, me?

What, you're the one like, I'm Zeke, I'll have your picture and your jiffy.

Jiffy? That's not even a word. And I thought you were dumb with girls anyway.

Well, I changed my mind.

I have total dibs on her.

Well, dibs denied.

All right, because I saw her first. What, you can't deny my dibs.

Okay, pick a number one through 100.

37.

What, how do you do that?

Look like you boys got a problem.

No, no, we're fine. Everything's fine.

I'll see you later.

Well, it looked to me like you both got the hots for the same girl.

Yeah. Well, there's only one way to settle this.

You compete for her, head -to -head, like I did on Team Bachelor.

We've had enough of your girlfriend advice, all right, Coach? Wait a minute,

Luther.

Let's say we do this.

How do you know she'll agree to it?

Bruh, there are two things ladies love.

One of them is when guys compete for them. I guarantee you she'll say yes.

What's the other thing that they love?

All right, Luther Waffles.

It's on.

May the best man win. No, because I'm going to win.

The competition is simple.

Both gentlemen will have some alone time with you, at which point they will

display their moves, their suave, and their spice. I'm going to spice you up

like a plate of hot beans.

Really? Hot beans?

I'm sorry about that.

Let me get this straight. You two are competing for me, and you think this is

good idea?

That's right. And at the end, you will give one gentleman a single rose.

And before you ask, I'm already taken.

Right.

So whoever gets the rose becomes my boyfriend?

From that day forward. What do you say?

How could I say no?

Then let the games begin.

Uh, guys, wait.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Not that.

We don't know each other's names.

Hey, I'm Zeke.

I'm Luther.

Thank you.

When did you start kissing knuckles?

I haven't kissed a knuckle since I was five.

My name's Danny, by the way.

Oh, hi, Danny. Nice to meet you.

Just talking to my donut.

You know, everybody does it.

And so the competition begins.

It's every man for himself.

Our contestants are competing to win the hand of this very special lady.

But just how low will they go? As we all know, when it comes to the game of

love, there are no rules.

When I saw Luke kissing her knuckles, I knew it was going to be game on.

He thought he was so funny messing with my croquette ball.

But guess what?

Not funny.

Okay, I was up by two wickets and kicking what's -her -name's butt.

It was a battle of wits, and I needed to come back with something clever.

But I couldn't think of anything, so I nailed him with a rotten melon.

From Mother Nature's ample bosom, the flora and the fauna.

This hates poetry. The guy can barely read.

The spotted whippoorwill.

Singing. Caw -caw!

Caw -caw!

And now it's time for you to pick one of these lucky gentlemen to be your

boyfriend.

Get out of here, hippie!

Any final statements?

Oh, yeah.

Look, I really like you.

And I'll treat you very well.

And we punched the dolphin once. No, I merely pushed the dolphin.

It's time.

Okay, then.

You know, this is a very tough decision.

And it's extra hard because I'm already in love with Hank.

My bike.

I call my bike Hank.

Anyway, I could never pick a boy who didn't love to ride, too. I like to ride

bikes. I have 57 bikes.

No, you don't.

You've never seen them.

Great, great.

Why don't you guys go grab your bikes and meet me back at the park in an hour?

To be continued.

Your grandma calls. She wants a bike back.

Yeah? Well, at least I didn't steal my bike from a six -year -old girl.

This is pink lightning, baby. She never lets me down.

You guys ready?

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know what she was up to, but I had a feeling it wasn't gonna be a ride

in the park.

I don't think she likes you.

So, Danny was right.

We didn't have a clue about getting girlfriends.

No. Man, I was such an idiot.

No, no, bro. If anyone was an idiot, it was me. No way, bro.

I was the bigger idiot. I was the biggest idiot in the history of idiots.

And that girl is an idiot, too.

Luther.

I know.

We should probably apologize to her, bro.

Probably thinks we're a couple of dummies. But we're not, Luther.

We've just been going about this whole girl thing the wrong way.

It's on us today.

Thanks, but you guys are going to let me eat in peace, right?

Listen,

we're sorry.

We're just a couple of guys who made a mistake.

We're guys.

We're complicated.

Okay.

Thanks.

I was actually feeling kind of bad about that crazy bike ride I took you guys

on. We deserved it.

I mean, we got so caught up trying to outdo each other, we forgot to get to

you.

Danny.

Yeah.

Danny.

Okay, that's a start. Have a seat.

Uh, so, is, uh, Danny short for Danica?

No. Danielle?

Mm -mm.

Danasaurus?

Wow. Actually, my name really is Danasaurus.

I told you.

I told you.

What up, baby girl? Just got your text. Look, we ain't spoken in a while. Yeah,

um, I met someone else.

Who?

You leaving me for the sandwich guy?

Yeah, so, um, I'm gonna... I don't need that back.