Original subtitles

No, this isn't from a skating fall. It's from gym class.

Ah, gym class hurts, man. And this is no normal gym class, okay? At our school,

Buzz Johnson High, P .E. is the total beatdown.

Yeah!

Eat rubber fist breath!

Guys, I'm trying to do push -ups here.

Miss me, suckers!

Doesn't hurt now.

That will leave me sore tomorrow.

And the part that makes it extra unfair is the only people who don't have to do

P .E. are the guys that play varsity sports like football and baseball.

Whatever. They should have formed a skateboarding team. It's redonkulous.

Wait, say that again.

It's ridiculous.

Before that, you said that we should form a skateboarding team.

A skateboarding team?

That is a great idea.

Yeah, we could totally do that. All we would need is more guys.

Wait, you know what we need?

More guys.

Luth, we're just not connecting today.

Neither are we.

Anyway, forming a skateboarding team is a perfect idea. Then we wouldn't get

nailed by dodgeballs anymore.

I'm so glad I don't have a sister.

Wait, don't tell me. Dude, you won't believe what happened yet. Oh, maybe.

forget that I'm a genius. Are you crazy? Someone should be listening to us.

Wait, don't tell me. Not again.

Would you just calm down? Is there a problem?

Let's get a pizza.

And then we'll act like nothing ever happened. Calm down. It's only Tuesday.

We'll get a pizza.

And hope that no one will ever hear us talking. Calm down. Because I'm a

It's only birthday.

And by tomorrow, we'll have everything just fine.

So, you want to start a varsity skate squad just to get out of gym class?

Yeah, what do you think? Look, I hate P .E. just as much as the next altar dog.

But I'm already a varsity athlete.

It's called deodorant. Try some.

On second thought, I'll consider it.

But how are you going to get this thing popping?

The school's not just going to give you a team. What about a coach?

I'm going to coach.

Yeah, Coach Z, I like that. Oh, somebody's got to do it, right? Yo, just

out of wrestling, and I'll call you King Stinky Pinky if you want.

Yeah, Coach is fine.

We probably need another guy, though, you know, to make it look more official.

Yeah, more teamy.

What about me?

If only we could find one more guy. Hello!

One more guy, right here. But Oz, didn't you already join the football team?

Well, yeah, but that's not going as well as me and my stepmom had planned.

Oh, boy.

I'm smelling French toast.

Please, you gotta take me with you. Okay, Oz, you're in.

Are you sure?

Ozzie's a lame skater, man. It doesn't matter. We're a fake team, remember?

Right.

All right, I guess we're in business.

All right, let's do a hands in.

Go team!

Yay!

All right, now my next obstacle is Vice Principal Aldretti.

All you need to know about Miss A is she's one of those cat ladies. Boy, does

she love her cats.

Never forget the time Luther and I ran into her down at Don's.

For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.

And one more time, here we go.

He's a jolly good fellow.

Wish me luck.

We have a bunch of awesome skaters right here on campus, Miss Aldretti, and we

want a team.

So how about it? The Buzz Johnson Varsity Skate Squad.

Oh, Zeke.

Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke.

This school means the world to me.

The only thing I love as much are my 11 cats.

Cats rock.

They're like tiny tigers for your house.

Rare? What?

So I would love to make this happen for you, but... Well, what about a coach?

Every team needs a coach.

Them's the rule.

I'll be the coach.

No, seriously.

I don't want to toot my own horn, but besides being a great skater, I'm also a

total leader.

Hmm. Do tell.

My point is that I'll take full responsibility.

It is important to me that every student have a great experience here at Buzz

Johnson.

So, you've got your state team.

Yes, thanks, Miss A. And you can pick up your check tomorrow.

Check? What check?

$400 each.

Every new team gets startup money. So you go on. Make me proud.

Oh, I will.

Yeah, okay, don't wink.

Winking isn't my thing.

Okay, team, this is our first official practice, and I, as coach, order

to shout out.

All hail Coach Zeke!

Luther, as treasurer, will you give us the full report?

Um,

okay, we got all new gear, 12 dozen pizzas, jar of pickles, and, uh, six

in... Can you hand me that ranch?

Hey, yo, Zeke, we've had our differences in the past, but, uh, let's make team

idea. Well, it just doesn't get any better than this.

Hi, guys.

It just got a lot better.

My name is Monica.

I was here for you.

I've been assigned here.

It's what I do.

It's Kojo time.

Watch out!

Let me holler at you.

Call it a coink -a -dink, but, uh, if you spell Monica Lopez backwards, it

reads, Kojo digs here.

Wrong. It spells zeppelock -inium.

What?

It's nice to meet you.

But at last, I have to go to ceramic class.

There goes the future Miss Kojo. Yeah, she sure's got a lot of nerve running

into the boys' locker room like that.

Guys, this is the girls' locker room.

Get the pizza!

Luce and I started the skate team to get out of P .E., but it ended up being

pretty cool. The school had some sweet skate spots, and, well, it's sort of fun

pretending to be a team.

Just how good is the woodpecker skate team?

Um... Number one?

Yeah, number one.

Woo! We're number one!

Number one!

To be a good water boy, the athlete's lips should never touch the bottle.

Made you a little something.

You sewed me a dress?

Triple threat.

Skater. Singer.

Sewer. Watch out!

All right, guys.

One, two, three.

Woodpecker.

in trouble.

Miss A, I don't know what you heard, but technically we weren't skating in the

hallways. Oh, Zig, shush.

You remind me of Mr. Lovin' Boots.

Who's Mr.

Lovin' Boots? One of my cats.

He eats my nylons and he tries to act all innocent.

Anyway, let me give you some good news. I just got off the phone with a coach,

Hurley. Now, he's a skate coach up at Yuba Tech.

Another school has a gate team?

Yeah. The Yuba Tech Honkers, and they want to have a match.

A match?

A match or a meet or a skate -off or whatever.

Anyway, he suggested the mile relay, and as coach, I'm sure you're familiar with

that. So I did a little scouting.

Check it out.

They look pretty good, I guess.

What? A skateboard relay?

No.

I don't know about this, Miss A. I don't think my guys are up for it.

I'm surprised, Zeke.

I thought you would be excited.

Teams compete, don't they?

Yes, but... Okay, are you saying that you would rather disband?

Because, well, I guess you're going to have to go back to P .E.

And I would need that $400 back.

Huh? Yeah, the startup money. I'm going to need that back. In cash, all of it.

Right. Right.

You know what?

Let's do it. Bring on the honkers.

This is going to be a real barn burner, Zeke.

And I know we're going to win, because as your teammate Luther Waffle says,

we're number one, baby.

Yeah.

We're number one.

So we're going to go ahead and do that relay race. Really didn't have much of a

choice. I blew the rest of our money on these ultra soft body blankets.

Do you think there's going to be a lot of kids there to watch us race?

I don't know. Probably.

We each skate 50 yards up and back.

Naturally, any team that has Ozzy on it is at a serious disadvantage.

But I've got my secret weapon. Luth?

Luth, come here.

Come here.

My anchor skater, Luther Jerome Waffles. You think I'm kidding? Show him the

goods, Luth.

Flex.

That's Luther's...

pushing leg. Once he gets up ahead of steam, there's nothing prettier.

There are some things prettier, like a rainbow.

Or an old lady playing a banjo.

Point is, Luther's gonna skate last and save our bacon.

Keep your eyes up and your weight down.

Okay, maybe I'm stupid, but I think we can win this thing tomorrow. Ozzy's

surprisingly decent, Kojo's fast, I'm fast, and Luther, our cleanup man, is a

freak. So as coach, I decided to invite the guys over for a sleepover to stay

focused.

Okay, someone's been here since noon. Between us, I think it's its first

sleepover.

Hey, Oz.

Getting comfortable?

Yes, boss. Just watching the forecast channel on my battery -operated TV.

Go Woodpeckers.

Go Woodpeckers.

Oh, there he is, the anchor skater. How's my favorite woodpecker?

Can I talk to you in private, please?

Yeah, what's on your mind, Luth? Spill it.

Well, being anchor skater for the team, I'm starting to get a lot of... Hold on.

This is bad, okay? This is really bad.

The pressure is getting to me.

I'm starting to get shy -fi.

Ozzy, what's going on?

The forecast for tomorrow's sunny and not a cloud in the sky.

Okay, Oz.

I know this is your first sleepover, but you gotta pace yourself.

I know, but the sunlight means my solar panels will work to perfection.

Solar panels? Oh, yeah.

Hey, mate.

You see, I run these wires down the back of my jersey through my reversible

shorts to a tiny...

The solar generator connected to the bottom of my skateboard.

Oz,

this is cheating.

I failed to see the problem.

Wait, is this why you've been skating so well? No, I ain't cheating. It's what I

do. Hey, Coach Slunkhead, one of your players is in the garage.

Might want to check it out.

The garage?

Yeah, he crawled into the laundry bag.

Do something or I'm going to turn the hose on him.

We're not cheating.

I'm probably going to cheat.

Uh... Hey, Kojo, what are you doing in my laundry bag?

No one can hurt me in here, man.

Well, the big race is tomorrow, so how about you hop on out of there and you

tell me what's up.

She broke up with me.

K -O -J -O, you're the creep who's gotta go.

Way too needy, I have to say. You text me 60 times a day. Mr.

Cocky, get a clue.

I'm the one who's dumping you.

I don't.

care about the race.

Well, if I can't cheat, then I don't care about it either.

Well, I guess it's a forfeit. We tried our best, right? Hold on.

Are you guys telling me you want to quit?

Well... Sort of.

Nugget is an Aerie.

And I am a Pisces, so of course we're just like oil and water.

We had a fight on New Year's Eve. We did not talk for days. Not for days. Miss

A, I didn't really call you down here to talk about your cat.

We are all ears.

I don't think we can go through with the race.

But what about the team?

That's just it. We aren't really a team. We never were.

The truth is that we were just looking to get out of P .E.

Oh, my.

Well, I hate to say this, Nick, but I am so... Don't say the D word. Say that

you're mad, furious, put me in detention, confiscate my board. But you

want to hear a grown -up say they're... Disappointed.

My team, for a bunch of reasons, too many to get into.

They're just not inspired.

You are the coach.

And that, I think, is what coaches do.

I think it's fire.

She was right.

We may not win, but as coach, I had to pull my guys together and make us a

And Nugget may be cute, but he has the worst cat breath ever.

Come on, guys.

We can't give up on this race. We can't go out like this. Save your speech, man.

I'm not doing nothing except this.

It's my tear jaw.

I'm going to fill it up and mail it to what's her name?

Monica. Don't say her name, man.

Kojo, consider the facts.

Girls like winners.

It doesn't matter.

Football, baseball, basketball, even skateboarding.

I think you need to show Monica that you're a winner.

I can help you cheat.

Ozzie, a wise man once said that honesty was the first chapter in the book of

wisdom. Do you want to know who that wise man was?

Thomas Jefferson.

I love Tommy J.

President, genius, all -around rockin' dude.

I see what you're saying.

If I established myself as a cheater, I wouldn't have my chance of becoming

president.

Sure, let's go with that.

Bro, I owe you a big, stinking apology. I put way too much pressure on you. So

I'll skate the anchor spot.

Really?

Ozzie, will you do the honors?

Hands in, everybody.

One, two, three, go, Woodpeckers! Yeah, that's right.

It's go time!

Yeah,

I guess it's not go

time till...

Tomorrow.

I thought you were freaked out, man. You look pretty loose. Yeah, I'm loose.

You know when you told me I didn't have to go last?

Took some of the pressure off. It's weird, huh?

Yeah.

It's a shame you don't want to do that anchor leg, huh?

You know what?

Let's do this thing.

You want some of this?

You see what I did there? A little reverse psychology.

Now that's some good coaching.

My plan was for Kojo to go first, me second, so we could build up a big lead,

then let Ozzy go.

Oz, just checking, but there's no turbochargers under your board, right?

cheating for me, Sire.

Kojo did a great job against the Yuba guy.

Now it was up to me.

Sure, these guys were fast, but my street skills came in handy around the

So just as I expected, I crossed the line with a nice lead.

All Ozzy had to do was stay on his board and push.

Maybe we should have let him cheat.

I didn't expect Ozzy to hold the lead, but he was worse than I thought.

But my presidential hopes are still alive.

We were way behind, so it was all up to Luke.

But he had a look in his eye that said today was his day.

As I said, Luke is a special skater. So when he decided to unleash his thunder

thigh, well, it was a thing of beauty.

Miss Aldretti. The truth is, we didn't just do it for Miss Aldretti. We did it

for each other.

Because that's what real teens do.

That's incredible.

I know, right?

So, it turns out that the Yubitek Conquers were the only other skate team

California.

Wait, so we won state?

That's right, we did. But only because we bonded as a team.

The only problem is, maybe we bonded a little too much.

Hey, teammates.

FYI, I didn't pull the plug on the bath. Just in case anybody wants some healthy

seconds. I'm all right.

You want to go to my house?

Yep. I actually need some clean undies.