All language subtitles for the_bob_newhart_show_s06e19_it_didnt_happen_one_night

Emily, what a good idea to have a nice
diet dinner when our husbands are out of

town. Yeah, especially since we stuffed
ourselves last night.

I'm so sick of junk food.

Ah, exactly what I was talking about.
This is a disgrace, and you should not

have these in your home.

Delicious, aren't they? I would kill for
them.

you giving in already? We've only been
dieting for an hour. Well, it's time for

a reward.

I can't believe how very nice you look,
but you shouldn't have dressed up for

me. No, actually, I'm expecting company.

Well, what am I, chopped liver? Carol,
you're not company, you're family.

A friend of mine is in town on business.
He called this afternoon, so I invited

him over for a drink.

You mean him as in man?

Well, if him isn't a man, he's certainly
been fooling his wife and children.

Ah, a family.

Where do you know him from? College.

Oh, you've known him for ages.

Watch it, Carol.

Sorry. When do you expect him? Oh, he
said he'd be by after dinner.

Who's the extra place for him? Howard.
You invited Howard to dinner?

Well, I did eight years ago, and he's
still coming.

When's Bob coming home? Oh, Friday. I
can't wait.

Oh, you really miss him, huh? Yeah.

You know, I hate to be in the house
alone.

Well, what am I, animal crackers?

Would you please just go get the salt?

Surprise, I came for dinner.

Oh, you could knock me over with a
feather.

You don't mind an extra guest, do you?
Of course not, Howard.

Good, you can stay, Carol.

The perfect host.

Well, what are we having after salad?

The good night.

Carol and I decided to cut down on the
calories tonight.

Yeah, that's a good idea. I've been
meaning to cut down myself.

That airplane food is a bit rich.

I usually don't have time to send out.

Oh, then that'll be good for you.

Yeah, do you have any stuff to put on
top of this to give a little more

Sure. Well, thank you. I need some
salami and some bologna and some cheese,

mayonnaise, some mustard, a little
guacamole sauce, and some sourdough

Oh, are you going to put all that stuff
on top of your lettuce?

Oh, you're right. I'll just get rid of
some of this stuff here.

an old flame while Bob's out of town?

I won't have it. I simply won't have it.

Howard is just a friend.

No, actually, he is an old flame.

I won't have it. I simply won't have it.

Will you two stop being silly?

There's nothing between Steve and me
anymore. We're just friends.

Uh, Emily, if God had intended men and
women to be just friends, he wouldn't

have invented hands.

meet you, too.

I'm so upset I'm losing my appetite.

Emily. Oh, Steve.

I like the looks of this.

Emily, you look gorgeous.

Oh, you're just saying that, and I'm
loving it. Oh, you look wonderful

I want you to meet a friend of mine,
Carol Bondurant. How do you do?

And this is our friend and our next
-door neighbor, Howard Borden.

How do you...

I don't. Yes, we do. I mean, you two
want to catch up on old times.

Come on, Howard. You can buy me dinner.

Yeah, I'm starved. You buy.

It was nice meeting you two.

My pleasure.

Steve, did you bring your family with
you on this trip?

Oh, I didn't want to tell you on the
phone, but Marge and I just got

Don't you want your teeth checked?

No, I like them all one color.

Okay. You shut your mouth and open wide.

Now, what's all this about Emily and
another man?

Uh -huh. Old college boyfriend.

Uh -huh.

Just got a divorce. What are you trying
to tell me, Howard?

I'm going to pretend I never heard that.

Howard, it's for you.

Bob, returning your call from
Cincinnati.

Hi. Hello, Howard.

I got your message. What's the origin?

Are you sitting here with... Howard,

what are you eating?

Jerry has some dentist stuff in your
mouth.

Take it out, Howard.

What's the problem?

I just want to tell you, Bob, that
things are about the same as when you

Jerry is cleaning my teeth.

My last flight was to Denver.

It looks like rain out, and Emily's
fooling around with another man. See you

later.

Well, Howard, that will sure put his
mind at ease.

Well, somebody had to do it. You know,
if you were working for the State

Department, we'd be at war with Utah.

Only if they want their canal back.

I just had lunch with Emily. It is worse
than we suspected.

Oh, yeah? Well, what'd she say?

Nothing. She said about last night was
okay, fine, he left early.

Who does she think she's kidding?

She's trying to pull the wool over our
sheep.

You know, it's as though he's got
Novocaine in his brain.

Come on, you guys, we've got to do
something.

You're making something out of nothing
here.

Jerry, the guy's gorgeous.

If Emily were the kind of person who'd
fall for a gorgeous human male, she'd

have fallen for me years ago.

This is no time for jokes, Jerry.

Blubber Boy's coming over to Emily's for
dinner tonight.

Did you say what we're having?

Just Emily and Steve, Howard. Alone, the
two of them, solo.

What does that tell you?

Tells me I'd better find someplace
healthy to eat.

You guys got nothing to worry about.
Emily's nuts about Bob.

I'm... I know that, Jerry.

But Bob happens to be out of town.

And this terrific -looking guy Emily
used to date happens to be in town.

I mean, they'll get to talking about old
times. Who knows what'll happen? Hey,

come on. Emily's only human, you know.

We've really got to think this thing
out.

I got it.

I'd order chicken from the colonel.

Huh? Emily, do you remember that night
you made coffee for me?

I was staying up late studying for
finals.

Yes.

It was the first time I ever brewed
coffee.

A little strong, wasn't it? Oh, it
wasn't so bad once you get past the

slice.

Catch up, didn't it?

Yeah, until last Thursday.

You know, Steve, it really is
incredible.

I mean, good friends don't have to see
each other every day to stay close.

We picked it up right where we left off,
right?

Well, in a way, I guess you're right.

Too bad Bob's out of town. You know, you
really would have liked him. Oh, I'm

sure I would. We have a lot in common.

The same good taste in women.

He's really a terrific guy.

Is he going a lot?

Yeah, too much.

I don't know why he'd ever want to
leave.

I haven't enjoyed a dinner like this in
months. It was wonderful.

You know, Steve, the one subject you've
been avoiding all night is your

marriage.

We tried.

It didn't work.

We called it off.

You know, Emily, I... I'm sure there
were things I could have done.

Probably should have done.

But I didn't.

Oh, Steve.

You know, I think you're being too hard
on yourself.

I mean, you've always been a kind and a
sensitive man.

Do you remember that Christmas when I
had to stay in the infirmary with the

tonsillitis and you snuck in that little
silly tree?

What about the mistletoe? Ah, no, the
mistletoe was a nice touch, yes.

You are the only guy I ever knew who had
mistletoe all year round. Well, I like

to beat the Christmas rush.

Hi, Emily. Carol.

Oh, you're not alone.

Who is that?

Steve. Hi, Steve.

Hi, Carol.

Ah, coffee.

Coffee. I am dying for a cup of coffee.
Uh, Carol, this is a surprise.

Oh, no.

I've always been a big coffee drinker.

Actually, Emily, I figured out I owed
you $1 .43 for lunch today, so I thought

I'd better come by and pay it.

Carol, you bought lunch today.

Oh.

Ah, well, then you owe me a dollar for
it.

Pay up, deadbeat.

How you doing, Steve?

Fine, thanks. How are you tonight? Oh,
Steve, I could not be better.

I've just taken up scuba diving, you
know.

Why don't you let me tell you how it's
done? Now, first, you need some water.

Ah, Carol, you know I always love to see
you. However, there are some... Oh, my

golly gosh, look at the time. Excuse me.
I've got a million things to do. I'd

sure love to stay, though. Will you
excuse me, Steve?

Of course.

Have a nice evening.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what that was all about.

Just when I was getting interested in
scuba diving.

Hi,

Ellen. Is Bob ready?

Oh, the Bulls game. We're going to the
Bulls game.

Jerry, you know Bob's out of town.

Oh, damn, that's right. What the heck am
I going to do with this other ticket?

Well, perhaps you would like to go,
Steve.

Have we met?

Ah, yeah. No, actually not. No, no, no.

Then how did you know his name was
Steve?

You mean I guessed right.

Steve Darnell, this is Jerry Robinson.
How do you do? How do you do? Steve, I

work in the same building as the killer.

Yeah, that's what we call Bob Emily's
husband ever since that nasty incident

with the three Marines.

Jerry, what do you want?

What do I want? Oh, yeah, I was just
trying to find somebody to go to the

basketball game with me. How about it,
Steve?

Oh, I'm not much of a basketball fan.

Oh, I made a mistake. Actually, they're
hockey tickets.

I don't care much for hockey either.

What do you like? Oh!

There must be a full moon tonight.

Hi, Steve.

What is this, a bus stop?

Howard, what do you want?

What do I want?

I forgot.

Well, is the cup in your hand a clue?

To what?

To why you're here.

Oh, I came over to lend you a cup of
sugar.

Howard, I have plenty of sugar.

Oh, well, I came over to borrow a cup of
sugar.

You have sugar.

Must meet me, too.

Howard, how can I fill that cup if it's
already full?

Oh, yeah.

Do I have time to call Carol?

Howard, go home.

My time isn't up. I'll get you off the
hook with Carol.

Yeah, well, take this for your trouble.
Howard!

Carol, I think I blew it.

pictures of my tanks.

See, we do excuse us. Carol and I are
going to go in the den for a minute. No,

no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'll go in the den. I have to make a
quick phone call. All right? Thank you.

I'll go dial for him. Carol, I want you
and Curly and Mo to stop this nonsense

right now.

Now, I know what you're up to and I
really resent it. But Emily, that

That is a man who has just gone through
a very difficult divorce and he needs a

friend to be a little understanding and
to talk to him and I intend to be that

friend. And frankly, you know, I find
your suspicions very insulting.

I'm sorry.

I didn't think of it that way. Listen,
I'll go apologize to him. No, no, I will

make your apologies.

You won't be bothered anymore tonight. I
certainly will not.

Steve, you like bowling? Bowling, Steve,
badminton, darts. Where's Steve?

Let's go, dummy.

Right.

Well, leave those guys.

Is your private conference over?

Oh, Steve.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what came over my friend.

It should be, Annette.

No. You know, they're really very nice
people.

Well, it's just that... See, they
thought that something romantic was

You mean they thought that some of the
old magic might still be working?

Well, I guess they thought that, you
know, what we had before might not be

You mean they thought that something
like this might happen?

Uh, yeah.

I guess that is kind of what they had in
mind.

Steve, I think you better leave.

No, let me rephrase that. I mean, I know
you better leave.

Emily, I didn't plan this, but I
think... I think I still love you.

I'm positive you better leave.

Can't we just talk this over? Just write
me.

Emily, I'm sorry.

I thought I knew what was going on here
tonight, but I guess I didn't.

Thanks for the dinner.

You're welcome.

It was nice seeing you again.

Is Steve gone?

Yeah, he had to leave suddenly.

We decided to come by and apologize.

Yeah, we really feel like fools right
now.

I don't feel any different.

We know what we did was awful, but our
intentions were really good.

I tried to tell these people they were
making a mistake. I mean, I've been

around.

I took one look at that Steve guy, and I
knew he wasn't the type who would make

a pass at a married woman.

He just made a pass at me. I knew it.
His eyes. Shit.

If he isn't here, he'd be sorry. Take it
easy. Hey.

Oh, I'm really starting to feel bad
about this.

I mean, I was so hard on him. I just got
so upset, you know, I just lost my

head. Are you feeling guilty? He's the
one who made the pass.

Oh, you don't understand. I mean,
it's...

You see, Steve's not really in control
of his feelings right now.

You know, I think I'm going to go call
him and leave a message at his hotel.

Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night.

Did you hear that?

Nicest, warmest, most generous. Get
together tomorrow and talk it all out? I

don't like the sound of this. Emily may
not realize it, but she's got strong

feelings for that guy. What are you
going to do? I don't think we should do

anything. We made big mistakes tonight.

Listen. Think how awful it would be if
anything ever came between Bob and

Oh, what a terrible thought.

Who's going to get custody of me?

Emily, I understand the man's going
through a very difficult period.

And it would probably be a good idea to
talk to him again and explain your

feelings.

Of course, I remember you mentioning
Steve before.

Emily, I'm not jealous of them.

Well, you've never been jealous of any
of my old sweethearts.

Well, of course I don't talk about them.
It's not the kind of thing you talk to

your wife about.

How many?

I don't know. There was Ruth, Sally.

Well, I know that's two.

There were others.

Mary, Ginny, Kathleen, Paula, and the
girl who

worked at the Speedy Plumbing and
Heating.

I've got to stop now.

Well, this is a long -distance call.

Things are going very well.

I've been doing a lot of TV interview
shows, you know.

Coffee with Phil, Coffee Break, Time Out
for Coffee, Coffee Talk with Connie.

The interviews are good, but I'm having
a hell of a time trying to get to sleep

at night.

Steve.

Emily. I hope I didn't keep you waiting
long. No, just 12 years.

Please sit down.

I'm really glad you called and asked me
to meet you.

Well, I didn't want to leave things the
way they were.

I think that, well, I overreacted a
little.

Have you given some more thought to us?

Steve, there is no us.

You see, what you're feeling is a
reaction to being alone after all those

of marriage.

Steve, for you, I'm...

I'm comfortable.

Robinson, the orthodontist?

No, no.

Sure you are. You fixed my kid's teeth.

What are you talking about? He comes to
you every Tuesday.

Hey, let me rephrase that. He used to
come to you every Tuesday.

I've been happy these last few months.

I guess I was just looking for a happier
time.

Those were happy times for me too,
Steve, but my life is different now.

I mean, I'm really very happy, and I
think you will be too soon.

Thanks for understanding.

Are we still friends?

Of course we're friends.

We'll always be friends.

Now, kiss me, but make it a friendly
one.

I knew it. She's falling for a hook,
line, and sinker.

Now that weird guy's making gestures at
me.

Howard, that's cherry.

Boy, that's a good disguise.

I'd love to. You were always a wonderful
dancer.

Dance!

It's him again!

How is Jerry?

Oh, yeah, right. I won't. I won't make
him sick again.

Do something.

Don't worry, don't worry. I'll take care
of it.

Excuse me.

that weird guy's coming on with Carol.

You think that's Jerry?

Boy, that's a good disguise.

That settles it. Now, let's get this
settled once and for all. You all sit

Emily. Just sit.

Now, I don't know what's come over you
three people.

What made you think that anything or
anybody could ever come between me and

But even women who love their husbands
sometimes get tempted.

Right. Steve's a very...

handsome and desirable man.

Don't get me wrong, Steve.

Well, Bob may not be a matinee idol to
you, but he is beautiful to me.

I mean, he has a beautiful smile and
beautiful eyes.

I like his ears.

You know, the really beautiful thing
about Bob is the insides. You know, his

sensitivity, the way he...

He knows what I'm feeling when I'm
feeling it the way he knows when to hold

and when to leave me alone.

When to talk to me when I need to listen
and when to listen when I need to talk.

Every day our marriage just gets
stronger and stronger.

I mean, I would never do anything to
jeopardize that.

So now, if you will excuse me, I'm going
to have dinner with my friend Steve.

And I'm going to go home and I'm going
to call my husband and tell him how very

much I love him.