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I think this is the best Hamlet we've
ever seen.
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Oh, boy, this one does go on and on.
Don't you worry.
3
00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:24,750
We're going to short it right down to
the sword fight. And just in case you
4
00:00:24,830 --> 00:00:28,370
Joseph Knopf, I've got something here to
wake you up. Well, makers of used cars
5
00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:30,790
down here at Crazy Ed's are going to
give you cars, isn't it?
6
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,430
Why do they call me Crazy Ed?
7
00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:34,610
What are the prices on that 71 Polaro?
8
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Oh, donkeys!
9
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I ought to be in a rubber room.
10
00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:41,950
Are we going to put up with Crazy Ed?
11
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That is the question.
12
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,620
And this is the answer.
13
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,540
Well, I guess it's just as well.
14
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,400
We've got to get up early tomorrow, you
know.
15
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:56,100
That's the trouble with weekends. No
matter how terrific they are, you know,
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00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:57,680
they always end on Monday morning.
17
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,260
You know, this has been one of the best,
huh?
18
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,300
I'm really glad about what we've been
able to accomplish this weekend.
19
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:04,860
We didn't accomplish anything.
20
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,280
Exactly.
21
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:11,550
Well, it was fun while it lasted, but
we've got a busy week ahead of us.
22
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,410
And you've got to decide what you're
going to wear to that costume party
23
00:01:14,410 --> 00:01:15,410
tomorrow night.
24
00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:18,210
Oh, Emily, are we really going to that
stupid costume party?
25
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:22,810
That stupid costume party is for your
favorite charity, and we are committed.
26
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:26,270
We should be committed for agreeing to
go to the costume party.
27
00:01:27,090 --> 00:01:30,310
I've got to pick up the costumes
tomorrow. Now, what do you want to go
28
00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:31,310
Invisible Man.
29
00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:34,850
Now, honey, you've got to go as the man
you most admire.
30
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,040
That would be Abraham Lincoln.
31
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:41,760
What's so funny?
32
00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:43,940
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
33
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,700
She said Abraham Lincoln was so tall.
34
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I'll go as young Lincoln.
35
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,980
I thought Howard was out of town. That's
not Howard.
36
00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:57,220
How do you know that?
37
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:59,300
When was the last time Howard knocked?
38
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,320
Dr. Hartley, I'm glad I caught you home.
39
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,660
Oh, hello, Mrs. Hartley. I'm sorry to
bother you at this hour, but something
40
00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,400
terrible has happened. No, it's no
bother.
41
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,920
Sit down, Mr. Peterson. Thank you.
Listen, I'll leave you two gentlemen
42
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I'm going to go see what's happening
with Crazy Ed.
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00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:25,040
Oh, I didn't know you had another
patient, Dr. Hartley.
44
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:31,040
No, she's talking about a guy on
television. Oh, you have a lovely wife.
45
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:31,879
thank you.
46
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,220
I had a wife once.
47
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:34,840
Are you and Doris having problems?
48
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:36,180
You bet.
49
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:39,400
We said some things to each other that
can never be forgotten or forgiven.
50
00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:43,820
Like what? She called me a spineless,
gutless, wishy -washy, pansy face.
51
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:49,820
That's pretty rough. What did you say to
her? I said, and not, and not.
52
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,680
Who can blame you?
53
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,660
But, I mean, you and Doris have had
fights before.
54
00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:03,100
This time, Doris said I'm a failure as a
husband and as a man.
55
00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:06,070
She said a real man would be more
forceful and assertive.
56
00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:09,830
She didn't consider am not, am not
assertive.
57
00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:13,770
She might have if I'd said it to her
face.
58
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:19,690
Excuse me, Mr. Peterson. If that's
Doris, duck.
59
00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:22,989
Who is it?
60
00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:24,250
Why don't you open the door and find
out?
61
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:27,570
Oh, Dr. Hurley, I've got to talk to you.
62
00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:30,210
About what? I'm having a hard time
sleeping.
63
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:31,970
How can I help?
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00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,120
Just talk to me a little while.
65
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,180
If that doesn't put me to sleep, nothing
will.
66
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,880
I'm afraid Mr. Peterson is here to help
you. Peterson?
67
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,480
You got a nerve bothering Harley this
hour of the night.
68
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,600
What's eaten you?
69
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,840
Life. The last thing that went right for
me was World War II.
70
00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:51,760
Fine, if another war breaks out, we'll
call you. Now beat it.
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00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,200
Mr. Carlin, Mr. Peterson was describing
his marital difficulties.
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00:03:56,460 --> 00:03:58,320
Yeah, Doris threw me out of the house.
73
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,140
Oh, Doris of the Apes strikes again.
74
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:04,280
That's just like you, Carlin. Kick a guy
when he's down. Down? You should be the
75
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,280
happiest man alive.
76
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,440
How can you say that? You've never even
seen Doris.
77
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,440
I've seen her fist marks in your face.
78
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:13,820
Mr. Carlin, I can handle this. Oh,
listen, Peterson. You've got to face it.
79
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,820
marriage is the worst.
80
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,519
Well, we have had our hills and valleys.
81
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,180
When's the last time you saw a hill?
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00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:20,519
1962.
83
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,460
Now, doesn't that tell you something? If
you go back with that old bag, your
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00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:25,460
troubles will never end.
85
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:30,140
Mr. Carlin, I think your approach is way
off base. No, he's right.
86
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,620
That woman has pushed me around for 15
years.
87
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,020
Yeah, you should enjoy yourself.
88
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,100
Now's your chance to be something
besides a wimp.
89
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:37,720
Yeah.
90
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,800
Thanks, Colin, I will.
91
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:44,060
For once in my life, I'll do what I
want. I won't listen to anyone. I'll
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00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,060
own decisions.
93
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:46,820
Is that okay with you, Dr. Harley?
94
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,500
Don't listen to him. Come on out. We'll
go have a couple drinks.
95
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:53,020
Yeah, let's do it. Let's go raise old
Ned.
96
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:57,280
I'll buy the drinks. Yeah, I feel like
doing something really wild tonight. I
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00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,280
might loosen my tie.
98
00:05:01,230 --> 00:05:02,610
Dr. Hartley. You help me a lot.
99
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,550
That's what psychologists are for.
100
00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:15,530
Well, I think we've waited long enough
for Mr.
101
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:16,910
Carl and Mr. Peterson.
102
00:05:17,390 --> 00:05:20,430
Why don't we begin the session without
them? Would you like to be first?
103
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,010
No.
104
00:05:29,470 --> 00:05:30,470
Yes, Carol.
105
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,100
Bob, you better open your door.
106
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,160
Why, girl?
107
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,240
Just do it.
108
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,900
We've been out all night celebrating,
Dr. Hartley. Oh, they're such scabs.
109
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:56,320
Let's sit down, buddy.
110
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:57,660
I'm with you, buddy.
111
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,480
one strawberry daiquiri after another.
112
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,480
Yahoo! Yahoo!
113
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,480
I haven't had so much fun since the old
Gimo.
114
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:19,220
From the halls of Montezuma to the
shores of Tripoli.
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00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:24,240
Yahoo! Mrs. Bakerman, I'd like to
apologize for these two. I think we'll
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00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,800
schedule the session for later.
117
00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:28,700
I'd like to speak to Mr. Carlin and Mr.
Peterson in private.
118
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,600
All right, Dr. Hartlick.
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00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,220
You know, you two are very cute.
120
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,400
And I'm glad that you're having fun.
121
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:41,040
But next time you want to tie one on, do
it on your own time.
122
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,920
Dr. Harley, I'd like to make a
statement.
123
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:53,480
What is it, Mr. Peterson? The greatest
man who ever lived were Alexander the
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00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,900
Great Napoleon and my buddy Elliot
Collins. Thank you.
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00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:00,760
I guess you know you've ruined this
session.
126
00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:07,229
Yes, Carol?
127
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:11,210
Mrs. Peterson is online too, Bob. She
wants to know if her wife is here.
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00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:14,710
Doris! Uh, bring in lots of black
coffee.
129
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,310
Hello?
130
00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:18,830
Yes, Mrs. Peterson.
131
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,970
Well, I've heard a lot about you too.
132
00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:27,590
Yes, he's right here. I'll put him on.
It's your wife. Tell her I'm not here!
133
00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:29,590
Well, I'm sure she just heard you.
134
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,880
Tell her it's somebody who sounds like
me.
135
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,740
Mr. Peterson, nobody sounds like you.
136
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:37,860
Will you answer it, Emil?
137
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,780
This is the time to make your stand.
Stick to your guns.
138
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,540
This isn't the okay corral, Mr. Hart.
139
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,240
Hello? Doris?
140
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,680
Can you lower your voice, Emil?
141
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,220
Hello? Doris?
142
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,160
Oh, that's nice.
143
00:07:59,630 --> 00:08:02,090
wants me to come home. She says she
forgives me.
144
00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:03,810
Oh, that's good. It's a start.
145
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:07,350
Now, wait a minute. She kicked you out
of the house. Tell her you'll come home
146
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:09,530
when you're good and ready. Oh, I don't
know, Elliot.
147
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,730
From the halls of Montezuma.
148
00:08:13,130 --> 00:08:15,030
Doris, I'll be home when I'm good and
ready.
149
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:19,890
There's only so much a man can stand.
There's only so much a man can stand.
150
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:23,210
I've stood as much as I'm going to. And
I've stood as much as I'm going to.
151
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,680
Mr. Peterson, stop and think about what
you're doing. Mr. Peterson, stop and
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00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,680
think about what you're doing.
153
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:29,340
Say goodbye.
154
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,780
Goodbye. Now, hang up.
155
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:35,000
Well, how did it feel to be your own
man?
156
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,020
Great. Great.
157
00:08:38,159 --> 00:08:41,340
Well, there's no point in our talking
today. Why don't you go home, Mr.
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00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:44,140
Peterson, and sleep it off, and I'll see
you tomorrow alone.
159
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,860
I don't have a home to go to.
160
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,360
Yes, you do, Emil.
161
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,660
How's that, Elliot?
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00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,140
As long as I have a roof over my head.
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00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:55,330
and an expensive carpet under my feet,
you too shall have a home, Emil.
164
00:08:57,650 --> 00:09:01,550
Gentlemen, I hate to interject a sour
note, but I hasten to remind you that
165
00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:03,690
the past seven years you've hated each
other's guts.
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00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:07,410
Yeah, I used to think Emil was a total
wimp. And I used to think he was a
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00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:08,410
horse's patoot.
168
00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:12,270
From the halls of Montezuma.
169
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:18,270
Why do I have this sudden urge to throw
rice?
170
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,240
Mrs. Bickerman, I want to thank you for
coming in on your lunch hour. I'm sure
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00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,380
we won't be interrupted this time.
172
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:26,940
Do you want to begin?
173
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,380
No.
174
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,960
Well, I'm glad to see you haven't lost
your momentum.
175
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,780
Here you go, Bob. Now, you had a tuna
with lettuce and tomato on whole wheat
176
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,020
hold the mail, right? That's right.
177
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,540
Well, I'm afraid they got the orders
mixed up. You have the organic sandwich.
178
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,360
What's on it?
179
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,040
Alfalfa sprouts.
180
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:52,270
Spinach, sunflower seeds, and kelp.
181
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:56,910
I better not. I think Emily's having
kelp for dinner tonight.
182
00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,910
Well, would you mind if I took it home
then? Sure.
183
00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,850
Why? Well, I want to have some around in
case the Cousteau's drop by for dinner.
184
00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:08,030
Mrs.
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00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:12,270
Bickman, are you sure you wouldn't like
something? I didn't come here to eat. I
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00:10:12,270 --> 00:10:13,270
came here to talk.
187
00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:18,530
Yes, Carol?
188
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:27,210
Oh, tell her I'm with a patient. I'll be
out in... Are you Hartley?
189
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:29,610
It's your Doris.
190
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:34,730
I didn't mean to barge in, but I didn't
want to give my runt of a husband a
191
00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:36,310
chance to slip out the back way.
192
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:41,190
Well, there is no back way, and I
haven't seen your runt, your husband, in
193
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,970
last couple hours.
194
00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,670
Well, I have to find him.
195
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:46,150
Who's the knitter?
196
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,200
Mrs. Peterson, this is Mrs.
197
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,020
Bakerman. How do you do? Are you Mr.
Peterson's wife?
198
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:55,059
That's right.
199
00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:56,140
I've heard about you.
200
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,520
You don't look like a moose.
201
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,580
Well, now that we've exchanged
cordialities, Mrs.
202
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,480
Bakerman, maybe we'd better reschedule
the meeting for later this week. Very
203
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,480
well, doctor.
204
00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:14,660
I hope you find your dear husband.
205
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,080
I'd like to sit down, Mrs. Peterson. I'm
too upset to sit down.
206
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:30,420
That runt stood up to me today, and he
was here when he did it. Did you put him
207
00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:31,880
up to it? It wasn't me.
208
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:35,900
You never had the nerve to talk to me
like that before?
209
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:41,280
Well, I think I should tell you, Mrs.
Peterson, he was a little drunk at the
210
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,420
time. Doesn't take much to make him
drunk. Every time he has a piece of rum
211
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:47,480
cake, he calls me and Napoleon the
greatest men who ever lived.
212
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:51,340
Well, I'm sorry for what happened,
but...
213
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,880
I was under the impression that you
wanted him to be more assertive.
214
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,380
Well, I thought I did. I thought we'd
have a better marriage if he wasn't
215
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,240
quivering in his boots all the time.
216
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:03,760
The man's supposed to be the boss, isn't
he?
217
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,940
Well, you're just going to have to
accept Mr. Peterson the way he is.
218
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,220
Well, maybe trying to turn a male into a
man wasn't such a hot idea.
219
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:14,040
How do I get the little guy back?
220
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,400
Well, why don't you let me talk to him?
221
00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:20,220
I've been a psychologist for a long
time. We have a very...
222
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:21,460
Closed personal relationship.
223
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:27,260
Excuse me, Bob. I have a message for
you. Mr. Peterson just called and he
224
00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:28,480
dropped you as his psychologist.
225
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,760
And that's all he said? He did add one
personal note.
226
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,160
What was it?
227
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:42,960
He was never one for long goodbyes.
228
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,600
Didn't you get my message?
229
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,600
Yes, yes, I did, Mr. Peterson. That's
sort of why I'm here.
230
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,720
Oh, I see I have the right apartment.
231
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,320
Isn't the picture great?
232
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,500
Wherever you stand in the room, Elliot's
eyes follow you.
233
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,360
I've had that feeling ever since I first
met him.
234
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,680
Mr. Peterson, you have the right to
discontinue therapy whenever you want. I
235
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:28,020
just think you owe me a better
explanation than the one I got. Oh, I'm
236
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,140
I left my neurosis behind me when I got
rid of Doris.
237
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:35,520
Well, I'm very happy for you. What I
needed all along was a friend. Now I've
238
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:41,060
got... I think I should tell you I've
talked to your wife, and I think it
239
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,800
be a good idea if you talk to her also.
240
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:46,960
Elliot says I don't need her. Elliot
says I'd be better off without her.
241
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,500
says I'll be happier a single man.
242
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,240
What do you say?
243
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:51,460
I'll ask Elliot.
244
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,440
Where is Mr. Carlin? Oh, he's catching
40 winks.
245
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,880
You know, he was up all night consoling
me.
246
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,540
How that man loves me. Well, if this is
the way you feel, I certainly respect
247
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:07,780
your decision. I just wanted you to know
if you ever need me, I'll be available.
248
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,580
Well, thank you, Dr. Hartley. We'll keep
in touch.
249
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,340
Oh, if ever I run across anybody whose
life is poop, I'll send them over.
250
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,700
I want you to know that you really did
help me.
251
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,360
Well, I tried.
252
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,820
I'm such a kidder. Living with you is
really going to be fun.
253
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,860
Can you hold it down, Peterson?
254
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:52,500
I got such a bad headache, my hair
hurts.
255
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,080
This isn't even my hair.
256
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,040
Oh, I'm sorry about that, buddy.
257
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,720
Where do you want me to put my things?
258
00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:02,140
Ecuador.
259
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:04,520
One after another.
260
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,880
What are you doing in my apartment?
261
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,320
Oh, what you need, Elliot, is something
in your stomach.
262
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,580
I'll whip us up some chickpea on toast.
263
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:13,840
Do you have any lard?
264
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,750
near me with food, you're going to be
wearing it.
265
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:25,830
Always a gag with you, just like last
night.
266
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:29,330
From the halls of Montezuma.
267
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:30,750
Oh, my God.
268
00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,070
It's starting to come back to me now.
269
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:37,010
I was hoping I dreamt all that. Oh, it
was no dream, Elliot.
270
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,470
You saved my life. I'll be in your debt
forever.
271
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:42,030
How about if we just clear out now and
we'll call it even?
272
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,430
Elliot, you said I could stay here with
you.
273
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:49,330
People say things when they're bombed
that they're sorry about later.
274
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:55,010
Now, wait a minute. I left my wife and
my home. I fired my psychologist all
275
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,250
because I thought you were my friend.
276
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:57,690
Everybody has bad days.
277
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:02,470
Look, Carlin, if you want me to leave,
just come out and say so.
278
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,070
Leave.
279
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:05,830
Okay, I can take a hint.
280
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,670
It was well while it lasted.
281
00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:10,870
Speak for yourself.
282
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:13,770
Wait a minute, Pearson.
283
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:18,310
Yeah? I can't let you leave like this.
284
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:20,240
That's the friend I know.
285
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,360
You owe me four hours' rent.
286
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,220
Leave the money on the table.
287
00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:02,630
and I can get her to look like, but if
she looked like that, she was very
288
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:05,089
pretty. Aw, thank you, sweetheart.
289
00:17:05,630 --> 00:17:07,849
By the way, oh, Mr.
290
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:09,050
Peterson called.
291
00:17:09,109 --> 00:17:10,109
Oh, how's he doing?
292
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:11,250
Not well.
293
00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,450
I'm surprised to hear that. I just saw
him.
294
00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:15,790
Well, he and Mr.
295
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:17,089
Carlin had a tiff.
296
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:20,270
Starsky and Hutch aren't getting along?
297
00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:24,030
Mr. Peterson is very upset by it, Bob.
298
00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:29,270
No, no, he wasn't sure where he'd be, so
I gave him our number at the party in
299
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:30,410
case he wants to reach you later.
300
00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:34,470
I, uh, I guess we're still going to the
costume party.
301
00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:38,590
No. No, I'm just dressed like this
because we have a sick plant.
302
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,530
Did you, uh, did you get my Lincoln
outfit?
303
00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:47,230
Oh, well, uh, about that, honey. See,
now, I went all over town, and they're
304
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:48,230
out of Lincoln outfits.
305
00:17:48,410 --> 00:17:51,410
Oh, great. We don't have to go. Now,
Bob, Bob, we have to go.
306
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:53,950
I'll wear a suit.
307
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,780
You have to wear a costume.
308
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,100
I don't have a costume.
309
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,740
Well, see, I got you a substitute
costume.
310
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:01,880
There is no substitute for Abraham
Lincoln.
311
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:07,420
Now, Bob, this man was a lot like
Lincoln. I mean, he lived at the same
312
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,240
wore black, and he helped the oppressed.
313
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,100
Who is it?
314
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:12,660
Zorro.
315
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:16,140
You're kidding.
316
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,640
Well, Bob, it was the last costume they
had in the store.
317
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:21,280
Emily, I'm not going out in public
dressed as Zorro.
318
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,700
Afraid it'll blow your cover?
319
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,720
This is not a joke. Now, Bob, people are
suspicious. You know, they have never
320
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,860
seen you and Zorro together at the same
time.
321
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,300
I'll look ridiculous.
322
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,420
Honey, it's just a charity party, and
it's a very worthy cause.
323
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:40,600
All right.
324
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,240
I'll go.
325
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,800
I'll have to sneak downstairs so nobody
sees me.
326
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:49,540
Well, you could just whistle for the car
and leap to it out of the window.
327
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:01,660
Where did you get that Lincoln outfit?
328
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,180
Miami.
329
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:11,280
Well, you look just wonderful, Howard.
But, you know, it's just not you.
330
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,060
Of course it's not me. It's Lincoln.
331
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:15,660
Well, it's a costume party.
332
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,580
How would you like to trade your Lincoln
for a Zorro?
333
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,880
I've never driven a Zorro.
334
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,460
Hey, look, Peterson, we can still be
buddies.
335
00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:32,640
I promise if you come in off the ledge,
I'll never make any more jokes about
336
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,640
your wife, Godzilla.
337
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:38,500
Leave me alone, Colin. When I came back
for my suitcase, you said get out of
338
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,900
your apartment as fast as I could.
339
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,120
That's what I'm doing.
340
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,480
I'm going to go out there. Oh, no.
341
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,500
If anybody comes out here, I'll do
something crazy.
342
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,220
What do you think you're doing right
now, Peterson?
343
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,300
Is there anybody we can call?
344
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,360
I phoned his psychologist. He's on the
way. Oh, good, because all I can say to
345
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,940
him are a bunch of tired old cliches.
346
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,960
That's all a psychologist can say to
him.
347
00:19:58,439 --> 00:20:01,080
Excuse me, I'm Dr. Hartley. I'm Mr.
Peterson's psychologist.
348
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,520
You're a psychologist.
349
00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:04,060
Do you have some identification?
350
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,920
See a spot for a wallet in this outfit?
351
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,800
That's him, officer.
352
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,480
Hartley, you better get out there fast.
353
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,080
Out there?
354
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,159
You're in luck, Peterson.
355
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,220
There's somebody here to help you.
356
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000
you dressed like that?
357
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,580
They were out in Lincoln costumes.
358
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,040
Look, Mr.
359
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,980
Peterson, what's important is that you
come in off this ledge. This is no
360
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:48,980
solution to your problem.
361
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:54,180
There is no solution to my problems. I
don't have a wife, I don't have a best
362
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,760
friend, and I don't have a psychologist.
363
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,160
I'm your psychologist and I'm here.
364
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,820
You better make it quick, Hartley. Your
stallion is double parked.
365
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,300
Let me handle this, Mr. Carlin, all
right?
366
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:05,730
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
367
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:07,010
Zorro likes to work alone.
368
00:21:09,590 --> 00:21:10,590
Look, Mr.
369
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:13,950
Peterson, let's get off this ledge. Why
should I, Dr. Hartley? I don't have a
370
00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:14,950
friend in the world.
371
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:16,770
Well, I'm your friend. No, Dr.
372
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:18,010
Hartley, you're my psychologist.
373
00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:21,030
A friend is someone who invites you out
for a beer now and then.
374
00:21:21,690 --> 00:21:22,690
You want to have a beer?
375
00:21:24,670 --> 00:21:26,270
Not with you dressed like that.
376
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,060
Look at what you're doing, Mr.
377
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:36,500
Peterson. You're laughing. Now, let's go
inside and talk this over. No, Dr.
378
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,240
Hartley. I'm laughing on the outside,
but I'm crying on the inside.
379
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:40,700
Nobody cares for me.
380
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:42,340
That's not true, Mr.
381
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,640
Peterson. I mean, a lot of people care
for you. Look at those people down
382
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,400
They don't even know you, and they're
asking you not to jump. No.
383
00:21:49,820 --> 00:21:51,180
They want me to jump.
384
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,420
You're both wrong. They want Zorro to
jump.
385
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:07,460
Be careful on this ledge.
386
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:09,060
Yeah, it's only made out of concrete.
387
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:02,219
I was.
388
00:23:02,220 --> 00:23:06,260
And Mrs. Peterson, were you happy having
him as a doormat, a pansy face?
389
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,299
I was.
390
00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:09,040
I now pronounce you doormat and wife.
391
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,940
Why don't you just forget about what
marriages are supposed to be? I mean,
392
00:23:14,940 --> 00:23:17,640
important thing is that they work and
you're happy.
393
00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:19,460
Masked man makes sense.
394
00:23:38,990 --> 00:23:40,590
Makeup, if you know what I mean.
395
00:23:41,450 --> 00:23:43,050
Peterson, jump while you got the chance.
396
00:23:48,350 --> 00:23:50,990
Mr. Carlin, haven't you caused enough
trouble for one day?
397
00:23:51,390 --> 00:23:54,610
If this is settled, let's go inside
where we can't be seen.
398
00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:56,450
After you, sweetheart.
399
00:23:56,650 --> 00:23:57,710
No, no, honey, you.
32568
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