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Good morning, my friends.
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Well, I'm glad to see we're all gathered
together. I have an announcement to
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00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:57,250
make. You're all invited to my penthouse
this evening to honor Clayton Endicott,
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00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:58,490
Jr. Junior?
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00:00:58,710 --> 00:00:59,710
You have children?
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00:00:59,850 --> 00:01:01,890
Now, that would be an amazing story.
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00:01:03,170 --> 00:01:07,750
No, no, no. Catherine, the junior is my
father. He's coming into town, and I am
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giving a dinner for him. You sound
excited.
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Of course he's excited. He gets his
allowance tonight.
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Amusing, Benson. Now, who's going to be
there tonight?
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Free food?
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Me, me. I'll be there.
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00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,480
Good. Governor?
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00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,660
Oh, I think I'm free tonight. What time?
15
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Eight o 'clock.
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Benson? I'm going to have to check my
schedule.
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00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,000
You don't have any appointments this
evening.
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00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,600
I'd still like to check.
19
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,680
Trust me, you're available.
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00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,440
I don't know. You're free, completely
open.
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I'd love to attend.
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I'll see you in my office.
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00:01:48,010 --> 00:01:49,250
Try to be on time.
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Cocktails at eight, dinner at nine.
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00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:53,650
Am I invited?
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Well, uh... Uh... No.
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Uh...
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Benson,
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your coat.
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00:02:12,430 --> 00:02:13,930
Yeah, hang it near the front.
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00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:22,700
You got a TV guide?
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00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:29,860
Benson, I want you to be on your best
behavior tonight. My father is escorting
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lady.
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What am I, goose fat?
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Yes.
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00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,680
Now, fellas, I think she looks very nice
tonight.
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Thank you, I think.
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00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:48,300
Gee, I sure am glad to hear that your
father is dating, Clayton. Well, sir,
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since my mother passed away, my father's
happiness is my only consideration.
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00:02:53,740 --> 00:03:00,520
Do you have something to say, Miss
Krause? This vine
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goes right to my head.
42
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,840
Good, that's where your mouth is.
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Ah, ah, ah, here they are.
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Now remember, best behavior.
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Ricketts, this wine is older than she
is.
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So? So I'm jealous.
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How old do you suppose she is?
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I don't know, but it must have been a
vintage year.
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00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,020
Oh, nice to see you again. Nice to see
you, too.
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00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,940
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Hey, whitey.
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Vincent, mind your manners.
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What are you talking about? That's his
nickname.
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Sorry. I don't think I've had the honor.
55
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:19,010
No, I'm Gretchen Krause. I don't have a
nickname.
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00:04:19,589 --> 00:04:21,750
Yes, she does, but we don't use it in
public.
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00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:25,410
Well, nice to meet you, Gretchen.
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I'd like you all to say a big hello to
Darlene Montgomery.
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00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,370
Well,
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00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:38,350
can I get you two some things? Some
wine, scotch, popsicles.
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00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:48,740
Well, let's all sit down. Yeah.
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Sit down. Good idea.
63
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,680
Oh, Whitey, how was your flight?
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00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,580
Oh, just extraordinary.
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00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,380
Well, that's a layman's opinion.
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00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:02,400
Why don't you ask the pilot?
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00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:05,300
You're a pilot, Darlene?
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00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,260
Yeah, well, I get a kick out of it.
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00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,640
Oh, I'll bet.
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00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:12,000
Well, here we are.
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00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,280
Oh, thank you.
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Darlene was just telling us that she
flies.
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Oh.
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00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,920
Do you do stunts?
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So, Darlene, are you a professional
pilot?
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00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,560
No, no, it's just a hobby. I'm vice
president of CE Clothiers.
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Oh?
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Father's retail subsidiary.
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00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:42,940
Well, tell me, Darlene.
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Just... How long have you been with
father?
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Professionally speaking.
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00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,460
About six months.
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I see.
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00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,460
And how long have you been with father
socially?
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About six months.
86
00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:08,840
I see.
87
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:13,700
I've always been fascinated by airplanes
myself.
88
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:25,620
You have a point to make, son. Oh, no,
sir, I... I just, uh... I find
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it interesting that Darlene's jump into
the corporate world has coincided with
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00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:34,960
her jumping into... It's amazing how
they put those things up in the air like
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that.
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00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,020
I do not appreciate that implication.
93
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,120
Oh, did I imply something?
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00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,940
I think you should have a little more
respect for the woman I love.
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Ah! Love?
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Especially the big airplanes.
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I'm going to have to have you committed.
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00:06:56,670 --> 00:07:00,090
I don't think I heard what you said.
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It was a joke.
100
00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,050
Where's your sense of humor?
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00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:12,290
Well,
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by golly, I...
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00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:19,040
I think that turkey should be just about
ready.
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Ding.
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00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:30,520
Did he say ding?
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00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,120
No, the turkey's a ventriloquist.
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Vincent. Oh, Father.
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Son. Vincent, I want you to do me a
favor. Sure.
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00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,180
You mentioned to Darlene last night that
you enjoyed singing.
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00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:51,360
Well, yes, I've been known to croon -a
-toon -a -toon.
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00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,900
Well, how about singing at my wedding?
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Oh, why?
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Why?
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00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,240
Wedding? When?
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Saturday.
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00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:06,780
Saturday?
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00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,520
You can't be serious.
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00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,820
I've never been more serious in my life.
Why? Did you get her in trouble?
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00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,420
Don't you ever say anything nice about
anyone.
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00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:25,320
All right, what do you say? I'd be very
happy. Well, if you don't mind the
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rattle of rusty pipes, I'd be happy to.
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00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,320
Wonderful. See you Saturday.
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00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:30,940
Okay. Saturday?
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What is the hurry?
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What do you mean, what's the hurry?
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00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:35,340
Are you blind?
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00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:47,420
Relax, Clayton. I'm sure Darlene and
your father will be very happy. Who
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00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,820
If he marries her, I'm finished,
through, kaput. What are you talking
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00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,980
Benson, I can outlive my father, but not
Darlene.
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00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:01,560
She'll get everything, and
statistically, rich people live longer
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00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:02,560
people.
132
00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:06,640
Yeah, but the good news is that when
you're poor, it seems longer.
133
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,279
What is this?
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00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,880
Well, I'm sorry, Clayton, but that's all
the food that's ready.
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00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:29,620
Well, aren't you going to peel it?
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00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,340
Don't push me, Hendicott, or you'll wind
up with that banana sticking out of
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your ear.
138
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,000
Look, you never ate in a mansion before.
139
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,200
Why now?
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00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,920
I'm conditioning myself to accept
government handouts in preparation for
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future.
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00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:49,540
The late Mr. Cassidy loved bananas.
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00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:54,210
He used to say, A banana a day keeps the
doctor away.
144
00:09:57,590 --> 00:09:59,090
I believe that's apples.
145
00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:02,230
A banana a day keeps the apples away.
146
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,530
You are losing it, pal.
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00:10:08,510 --> 00:10:09,510
Mrs. Cassidy.
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00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:10,730
Oh, hi, Chief.
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00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:12,670
Hey, Bonzo.
150
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:17,010
Did you receive the wedding invitation?
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00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:23,220
Yes, I did, but considering how you feel
about this whole affair, I'm surprised
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00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,720
he's being held at your penthouse.
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00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,020
The penthouse belonged to my father. I
had no choice.
154
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:31,300
Oh, well, you have my sympathies.
155
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:34,580
I don't need your sympathies. I need my
father's money.
156
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,220
Money doesn't make the world go round.
157
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:39,620
Benson, don't be naive.
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00:10:40,820 --> 00:10:45,160
If my father cuts me off, I'll have to
live out my life as one of the masses, a
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00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,240
common man.
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00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,880
Is that any way for a human being to
live?
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00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:55,680
Care for some lunch?
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00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,100
No, thank you.
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00:10:57,220 --> 00:11:01,500
This common man just finished stuffing
himself at La Parisienne.
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00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,000
Benson, how can you afford such
extravagances?
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00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,480
I mean, you don't make much more than I
do, and I don't make diddly.
166
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,980
Well, it's just a matter of give and
take. If you want to take an expensive
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00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,780
lunch, you give up something.
168
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:17,680
Like what? Like...
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00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:19,599
Manicures?
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00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:25,200
Come on, get serious, Clayton. I don't
get manicures. I trim my own nails.
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00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,240
How?
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00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,500
The nail clipper fool.
173
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:33,880
Go on.
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00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,920
Clayton, if you expect to get by on your
salary alone, you're going to have to
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00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,420
learn how not to be a snob.
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00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:44,640
I am not a snob. You are a snob. For
example, how much did you pay for that
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00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,640
suit?
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00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:48,030
Well, seven, maybe $800.
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00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:50,590
$800? I'd buy three suits for $800.
180
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,050
Yeah, but look at them.
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00:11:54,970 --> 00:11:58,550
Oh, my kidding, Benson. I'll never make
it without my father's money.
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00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,270
Why don't you just sit down and have a
talk with your father? You don't know
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00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,330
that he's going to cut you off and give
it all to her.
184
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:07,590
Well, put yourself in his position. What
would you do?
185
00:12:07,850 --> 00:12:09,530
Oh, don't go by me. I don't like you.
186
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,500
Well, he doesn't like me either.
187
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,240
Then there's only one thing you can do.
What?
188
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,680
Learn to live middle class.
189
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,640
Learn to live like you?
190
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,680
Never. Clayton. What?
191
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:24,560
You better take something for Din Din.
192
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,220
Clayton. Ah, welcome.
193
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,700
He's been at the schnapps already.
194
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,820
So, there is a blushing bride.
195
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:07,060
She's blushing in the bedroom down the
hall, second door on the left. I'll just
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00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:11,520
go see if she needs anything. Yes, you
do that. Oh, Benson, Benson, Benson,
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00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,560
a glorious day.
198
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,400
Sounds like you've got things worked out
with your father. Just about.
199
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,520
This is a...
200
00:13:19,329 --> 00:13:23,790
prenuptial agreement which states that
when father dies, Darlene gets zip.
201
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,430
And she signed it.
202
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:27,210
Really?
203
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:31,170
Well, you see, I told you she'd be
reasonable.
204
00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:33,470
She wasn't reasonable. I tricked her.
205
00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:38,350
All I have to do is trick father, and as
long as I have this paper in my hot
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00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,250
little hands, I'm back in the money.
207
00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:44,850
Well, Benson, I'd like you to meet
Darlene's aunt, Aunt Connie.
208
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:46,950
How do you do?
209
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:48,210
How do you do?
210
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,120
She's going to accompany you on the
piano.
211
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:55,960
Nothing is sweeter than the harmony of
music and voice melded together in song.
212
00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,360
Well, that's a lovely thought.
213
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,820
Just don't step on my intro and we'll
wail, Benny.
214
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,580
Oh, by the way, Father, I need your
signature.
215
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:09,959
What's this?
216
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,480
Oh, it's just a wedding license.
217
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:12,880
Oh, well.
218
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:17,380
Hey, you can't have a wedding without a
license. No, you can't, sir.
219
00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:19,570
Here we go.
220
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:21,190
Now,
221
00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:26,150
Clayton, have you ever given any thought
to marriage?
222
00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:33,470
Oh, sir, I just... I don't think that it
would be fair
223
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:36,990
to a woman until I'm assured of
financial stability.
224
00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:39,670
Well, even then, I don't think it would
be fair.
225
00:14:40,970 --> 00:14:43,190
Well, I think I'd better get ready.
226
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,860
Get a grip on yourself.
227
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,820
You, Benson, shall we give it a run
through?
228
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,040
I gotta go.
229
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,400
Don't do anything stupid.
230
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,440
Let me rephrase that. Don't do anything
stupid.
231
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:08,040
Oh, Clayton, do you have a cloth and
some soap?
232
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,640
What? A cloth and some soap.
233
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:13,800
I have to take a lipstick stain out of
Darlene's dress.
234
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,680
Darlene's dress?
235
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:17,660
Is that Darlene's dress?
236
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,320
No, it's the world's largest doily.
237
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:29,220
Miss Krause, the caterers are in
desperate need of your assistance. Would
238
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:33,500
so kind? I'll take care of Darlene's
dress.
239
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:35,140
Okay.
240
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:52,630
Oh, Joe.
241
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:54,990
Clayton, we found this outside in the
hall.
242
00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:56,670
It looks like somebody's dress.
243
00:15:56,930 --> 00:16:00,370
Yes, it's, um, it's the, uh, the next
door neighbors.
244
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,330
They're, uh, nudists.
245
00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:06,030
Yeah, they get a little carried away.
246
00:16:06,770 --> 00:16:08,410
So, where's the blushing bride?
247
00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:09,610
I don't care.
248
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:15,870
Oh, I do care. Sir, why don't you just,
um, put your coat in the bedroom down
249
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:17,590
the hall, second door on the left.
250
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:22,500
And, sir, while you're at it, why don't
you just take this with you?
251
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,360
Uh, Catherine, can I get you anything?
252
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:27,960
Got a TV guide?
253
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:32,640
Is
254
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:41,380
that
255
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:42,380
my dress?
256
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,140
Oh, hi, Catherine. Darling, how
wonderful to see you.
257
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,340
I mean...
258
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,040
Can I just put that on and let you take
a minute? Oh, what? No, no, no, no.
259
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,040
We'll go.
260
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,720
Oh,
261
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,820
darling, Clayton, what the... What
262
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:05,920
the hell's going on here?
263
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,079
Oh, wait a minute.
264
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:14,560
You don't think that I... That Darlene
and I... That we were...
265
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,260
Oh, what a tangled web we...
266
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,579
did was come in here to throw my coat on
the bed.
267
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,740
Oh, your coat, huh?
268
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,920
Do you have a point to make, Whitey?
Well, darling, let me handle this.
269
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,960
Whitey, I would never try to move in on
another guy's girl.
270
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:40,160
Now, when I say girl, what I mean... All
right, you, put up your dukes.
271
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:46,360
Whitey, come on. Come on, I'm gonna
punch you out. Come on, and then I'll
272
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,700
with you. Come on. All right.
273
00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:54,450
If you want to fight, you better give it
your best shot, Shorty, because I'm
274
00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:55,570
going to clean your clock.
275
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:02,090
What? What? What is going on in here?
Stand back, Benson.
276
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:06,530
Governor, what do you think you're
doing? I am defending my honor. That's
277
00:18:06,530 --> 00:18:07,309
I'm doing.
278
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:07,969
And you?
279
00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:11,050
Well, I came in here and he was with her
like that.
280
00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:15,590
He was returning my dress to me so that
I could marry you.
281
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:18,950
Well, this sounds like a big
misunderstanding to me.
282
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,330
Right, Clayton?
283
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:24,210
Oh, yeah, that's what it sounds like to
me.
284
00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:30,710
Oh, well, I'm sorry, darling.
285
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:33,130
I'm a fool.
286
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:37,810
No, I'm the one who's a fool.
287
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:40,750
Because I love a fool.
288
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:45,770
Oh, no, no, no, Tish, no.
289
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:58,200
What's going on?
290
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,100
Looks to me like the prenuptial
agreement is about to hit the fan.
291
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:05,320
Would you care to explain this?
292
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,040
Ah.
293
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,120
Uh.
294
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,600
No.
295
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:11,860
Well, then I will.
296
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:17,520
This is a prenuptial agreement stating
that Dolly... gets absolutely nothing if
297
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,840
I die and it's signed both by Darlene
and me.
298
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:24,160
Well, this is a family matter. No, no,
no, no, no. I want you to hear this.
299
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,560
my son is a spoiled, selfish brat.
300
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:32,000
And he created this little confrontation
in an effort to stop me from marrying
301
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,400
Darlene. Now, Father, I can... Shut up!
302
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:40,980
Don't ask.
303
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,380
I... I am really sorry.
304
00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:47,450
I hope you can find your heart to
forgive me. Oh, I do, Whitey. And I
305
00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,970
you're getting a wonderful girl.
306
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:50,890
A wonderful woman.
307
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:52,170
Thank you, thank you.
308
00:19:52,610 --> 00:19:56,910
As for you, I'll deal with what's left
of your behind tomorrow.
309
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:00,070
I'll be ready in a moment.
310
00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:05,190
I'm sure you two would rather be alone.
Benson, Benson, Benson.
311
00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:07,590
Where'd I go wrong with this kid?
312
00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:11,720
Well, to tell you the truth, Whitey, I'd
rather not come, you know. What do you
313
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,340
think I should do? What would you do?
314
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:17,840
Well, I'd leave innocent bystanders out
of it. I'll tell you what I'm going to
315
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:18,519
do, Benson.
316
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,900
I think I should warm up my voice before
I sing.
317
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:23,360
I'm going to cut him off financially.
318
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,759
Is that right?
319
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,760
Me, me, me, me, me.
320
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,520
No more allowances, no more trust fund,
no more inheritance.
321
00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:31,979
How about that?
322
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:38,700
Well, I may reconsider, but he has to
know there's more in life than
323
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,640
money. Now, that ought to do it, right?
324
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:41,899
Come, Mr.
325
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:46,840
Tallyman, Tallymother. I love
326
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,980
you.
327
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:53,600
I'm doing it for your own good.
24634
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