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I'm glad I caught you listening. Just
one more time, I'd like to emphasize how
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important this trip to Germany is. How
much we need the lens factory in our
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state. How everything rests in my
capable hand.
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That's it, Bunsen. You have got it.
Because it is very important.
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00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:00,630
Don't keep saying that. I know that.
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Small piece of advice for you. Don't
take that uptight attitude with you over
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there. Won't get you anywhere. The
Germans are a fun -loving people.
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Achtung, Benson. The car is waiting.
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Oh, yeah.
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They're loose as a goose.
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I'm so excited, Governor.
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I'm going to show Benson some of the hot
spots I used to visit when I was a
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young girl.
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Uh, was this before they had the wall?
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This was before they had dirt.
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Miss Krause, here's the projector and
slides for Benson's presentation.
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Wait a minute.
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That's my new slide projector. I just
bought it. I'm aware of that, sir, but I
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was certain you wouldn't mind lending it
to them. Well, you were wrong. You
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00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:48,750
don't just lend somebody's personal
projector without asking. Don't worry,
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Governor. I'll be very careful.
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What is this hysteria? We are talking
about a projector.
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Thank you.
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00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:01,770
If you have something to say, why don't
you just say it out loud?
25
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:03,910
All right, sir, I have two problems
here.
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00:02:04,230 --> 00:02:08,550
Number one, I don't know why she's going
to Germany instead of me. She speaks
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German. And number two, I cannot
comprehend why a man of your presumed
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is making such a fuss over a rinky -dink
projector.
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Presumed rinky -dink.
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Clayton, go to your office.
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Very good, sir.
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00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:26,570
And later on, when you least expect
it...
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00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:28,490
I'll be in to chew you out.
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00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:31,970
Fine, fine. I'll be looking forward to
it. I'll clear my calendar.
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00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:34,350
Do you see that attitude?
36
00:02:35,970 --> 00:02:38,650
I know what. I'll beat him to his
office. I'll shake him up.
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00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:46,370
Oh, Benson. Oh, I forgot. Listen, would
you get me some of those leather shorts
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00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:49,550
with the suspenders, you know? Right,
right. What size?
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00:02:49,930 --> 00:02:54,380
36. Oh, but they're on the metric
system, aren't they? Oh, well, now, let
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00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,520
see. That would be... Oh, you don't have
to figure it out. I'll get Krause to
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try them on. You're all the same size.
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00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,320
That's not a very nice thing to say.
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Oh, I'm sorry, Governor.
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Bye -bye.
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Benson, will you hold it there for a
little bit?
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Benson.
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00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,140
The presentation went brilliantly. You
were wonderful. They were very
48
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,820
I think we're going to get that lens
factory.
49
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,180
Well, I certainly hope so.
50
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,900
Let me ask you something, Krause. Why
didn't you translate what I said
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I did, exactly.
52
00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:33,020
Well, pretty exactly.
53
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:37,100
Yeah, but when you converted dollars
into marks, didn't you pump it up a bit?
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00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,080
measly million marks. I thought it made
it sound more exciting.
55
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,660
Well, that may be, but we can't deceive
the Germans.
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00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:46,980
Oh, I don't know.
57
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,920
We bought D -Day lock, stock, and
barrel.
58
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,000
Well, don't blame yourself for that.
59
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,620
After all, it's easy to miss 3 ,000
warships sneaking across the channel.
60
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,440
V -Gate's home.
61
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:11,300
I hope this restaurant isn't far. I'm
starving.
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00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:15,240
Well, it didn't used to be, of course.
That was before they had the wall.
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00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:17,300
Wall? What wall?
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00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:18,620
Sea wall?
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00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,519
I'm not going in the wall.
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00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:38,440
Has it shown up yet?
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00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:45,160
Yes, he has. He has not approached me.
68
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:48,760
How will I recognize the chameleon? You
can't.
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00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:51,200
He's a master of the game.
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00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:55,460
That's why they call him the chameleon.
How will he contact me?
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00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,760
He will ask you if you went to school
together.
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00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,500
You reply, only in the gymnasium.
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00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:07,260
It's as if it's always cold. And you
say, only in the winter.
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00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,240
And he says...
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00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:13,550
You always had a good time.
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00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:17,190
Right. As soon as he arrives, I will get
some missile alignment device and bring
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00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:18,190
it to headquarters.
78
00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:21,950
That could be the chameleon. Which one?
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00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,190
Who knows?
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00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:32,170
Well, Benson, this is it. Don't you love
it? Yeah, well, maybe it'll look a
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00:05:32,170 --> 00:05:33,750
little better after we've had a couple
of beers.
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00:05:34,690 --> 00:05:38,430
I have such happy memories of this
place.
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00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,340
singing and dancing. All the men used to
make passes at me.
84
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,640
Really?
85
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,300
It was a romantic little place.
86
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,800
Must have been a dark little place.
87
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,940
May I help you?
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00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:57,940
Yes, we'd like to order dinner.
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00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,240
the gymnasium?
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00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,100
I think I'll have the wienerschnitzel.
91
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:27,200
Yeah, I should look at the menu, too,
here.
92
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:31,120
Do you remember anything else about the
gymnasium?
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00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:35,880
What? Oh, well, yeah, sure, it was
always... Yeah, yeah, yeah?
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00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,860
Uh, schmelly.
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00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,100
Schmelly?
96
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,800
Our gymnasium was always cold.
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Ha, ha, ha!
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00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:58,370
A Wienerschnitzel and two beers, Peter.
99
00:06:58,690 --> 00:06:59,690
I'll have the same.
100
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:09,510
What do you think? Don't you love the
way they decorated this place?
101
00:07:09,870 --> 00:07:12,750
I don't know what it looked like before,
but it looks like a dead zoo now.
102
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,090
Why didn't you leave this thing at home?
103
00:07:17,610 --> 00:07:19,370
It's the governor's projector.
104
00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,230
I'm not going to have it stolen.
105
00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:24,270
Wherever I go, this little baby goes
too.
106
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:35,290
Squeeze Dirtball.
107
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,610
What is this all about?
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Max Heimlich's secret police.
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Secret police? We haven't done anything
wrong.
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00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:49,230
Yeah, we just wanted to get some need.
You people are so strict.
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00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:57,010
You expect me to believe you didn't know
this is the secret headquarters of the
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secret police?
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00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:00,750
Well, no, no. I guess the, uh...
114
00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:03,110
Cafe curtains in the window must have
fooled us.
115
00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:06,910
It's our mistake. Let's go, Krauss.
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00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:09,670
Sit!
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00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:12,830
Let's do this.
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00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:16,090
Everybody wait in the situation room.
119
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:21,210
Hence Fritz prepares the torture
devices.
120
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:26,290
Look, I've got to tell you, this is no
way to encourage tourism in your
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00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:32,309
us like this. We are American citizens.
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We are government employees.
123
00:08:34,809 --> 00:08:35,809
Aha!
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00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:43,809
So you are with a central intelligence
agency and you are trying to infiltrate
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00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:44,870
our spy ring?
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00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:49,630
Look, Max, use your head. Does she look
like she's got anything to do with
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00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,630
intelligence?
128
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:54,850
So what are you doing with this missile
alignment device?
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00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:56,860
Missile align... device.
130
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:59,480
That's the projector from Radio Shack.
131
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:02,940
I'm confiscating this device.
132
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:07,180
That's okay with me. Krauss, give it to
him. Nein, I'm not letting him get his
133
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:12,080
grubby communist hands on this
projector. I gave my word to a higher
134
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,200
Give me the device.
135
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:16,260
Nein!
136
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,380
Excuse me a minute. Excuse me a minute.
137
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:24,120
Krauss, this guy is crazy.
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00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:29,310
Give him the device or you may be
visiting a higher authority.
139
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:33,750
I said you give me the device or I take
it by force.
140
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:37,430
Make my day.
141
00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:46,270
Very well, I did not want to have to do
this, but I... I
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00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:53,230
wish you hadn't done that,
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00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:54,610
Big Bird. Let's get out of here.
144
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:08,699
Which way?
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00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,020
Left. Good thinking.
146
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:38,450
Which way?
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00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:40,350
Over.
148
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:46,190
Say it again.
149
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:58,950
It is the
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00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,270
last room we have.
151
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:01,650
We'll take it.
152
00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:03,570
Where's the bathroom?
153
00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:04,769
That way.
154
00:11:04,770 --> 00:11:05,770
Down the hall?
155
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,200
Down the street.
156
00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:12,720
You have to share.
157
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,680
Do we at least have the room to
ourselves?
158
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,200
Oh, yeah.
159
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,220
You have the room to yourself.
160
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:20,980
Good night.
161
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:27,060
Well, Kraus, I want to thank you for a
perfectly wonderful evening.
162
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,400
Don't be a Weisenheimer.
163
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,820
No, no, no, I'm serious. No, it was a
fun three and a half hours crawling
164
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:39,710
through... Pipes climbing over things,
climbing under things, being chased by
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00:11:39,710 --> 00:11:41,930
dogs. Have I missed any of the high
points?
166
00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,810
Fading through the scummy river.
167
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:49,090
Oh, yes, the scummy river. How could I
miss that? The scummy river. And after
168
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:54,830
all that, where in the hell are we? We
are in a filthy hotel room somewhere in
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00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:58,730
East Berlin with a secret police after
us.
170
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,290
But there is a bright side.
171
00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:04,950
What? We didn't lose the governor's
projector.
172
00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:09,990
Now, she don't seem to understand one
thing. We are in serious international
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00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:15,730
trouble here. Oh, shut up, Benson. I'm
pooped. Come on, let's get some sleep.
174
00:12:15,990 --> 00:12:18,970
Yes, all right. We'll figure out a plan.
We'll argue about it in the morning.
175
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:20,250
Yes, good idea.
176
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:23,370
There's only one bed.
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00:12:23,690 --> 00:12:24,770
Well, at least it's in the room.
178
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,020
come in the middle of the night with a
man in my bed. You lie, Kraus.
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00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,160
Oh,
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00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:52,820
Kraus, Kraus, Kraus.
181
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,140
What is it?
182
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,279
What is it?
183
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,160
The guy from the secret police down
there.
184
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,820
Oh, what are we going to do?
185
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,020
I have an idea. Go get the concierge
fast.
186
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,800
See that guy down there?
187
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,000
Oh, yeah. Shut up!
188
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:25,300
Go down there and strike up a
conversation with him. If he asks about
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00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:29,140
tell him we went out the back door.
Yeah, we would appreciate that so much.
190
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,260
How much? What's your price?
191
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,540
One fancy wristwatch.
192
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,659
Forget it.
193
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:40,180
Hello! Now you don't worry. I'll handle
him.
194
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,000
Is he still down there?
195
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,200
Yeah, he's still down there.
196
00:13:45,230 --> 00:13:46,230
Well, what is he doing?
197
00:13:46,370 --> 00:13:48,050
Oh, nothing much. Sort of getting
impatient.
198
00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:50,770
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah,
yeah? I think he's leaving.
199
00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:51,990
Yeah, he's leaving.
200
00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:53,050
Oh, wonderful.
201
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:55,510
Oh, no.
202
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:56,950
Now what?
203
00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,530
Uh -oh.
204
00:13:58,850 --> 00:14:00,530
What? Concierge just stopped him.
205
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,750
It doesn't look good.
206
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:03,970
What are they doing?
207
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:09,450
Uh, he's... Uh -oh, uh -oh. He just gave
her his watch, and she pointed to our
208
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,450
room.
209
00:14:47,310 --> 00:14:49,550
expressed here are not necessarily those
of everyone in the room.
210
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,410
I have an idea.
211
00:14:53,190 --> 00:14:54,970
Let's take off our clothes.
212
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,290
Freeze, Dirtball.
213
00:14:58,910 --> 00:14:59,970
Don't you get it?
214
00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:01,510
No, and I don't want to see it either.
215
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:08,910
No, no. See, we will exchange clothes.
See, the secret police are looking for a
216
00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:12,950
white woman and a black man, not a white
man and a black woman.
217
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:15,570
Did you forget to pay your brain bill?
218
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:25,580
Yes, we tie these sheets together, we
climb down, we steal a car, we rush
219
00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:29,260
through the city, find Checkpoint
Charlie, and we escape to freedom.
220
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,820
That's a good plan. Do you think it'll
work? No, no.
221
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:37,680
But it's better than being shot down in
drag somewhere in the middle of East
222
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:38,680
Hill.
223
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,760
Come on, you ready?
224
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,520
Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to get the
governor's projector.
225
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:45,860
Well, forget the projector.
226
00:15:57,710 --> 00:15:59,810
No violence, please. Now we can just
talk this out.
227
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:02,250
There is the missile alignment device.
228
00:16:02,510 --> 00:16:05,970
It's not a missile alignment device.
It's a slide projector from Radio Shack.
229
00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:12,990
You're both in big international trouble
here.
230
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:32,800
in West Berlin.
231
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,860
West Berlin?
232
00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:36,420
Yeah.
233
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,480
West Berlin! We made it, Benson! We are
free!
234
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,740
Yeah. Except for being held at gunpoint.
235
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:46,799
That's right.
236
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:47,800
West Berlin.
237
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,320
East Berlin. It doesn't matter.
238
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,560
You're still my prisoner.
239
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:56,920
If I screw this up, I'll be back walking
a beach in that scummy river.
240
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,060
Would they do that to me?
241
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:09,900
As a punishment, I once spent two and a
half years in the K -9 Corps.
242
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,980
You ever sleep with a Doberman? Not me,
Krauss.
243
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,980
Listen, Max, why don't you just calm
down, huh?
244
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,600
Calm down. Take off that jacket.
245
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:44,060
You're just getting all hot and
bothered. You're lathering yourself all
246
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,300
Relax.
247
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:48,700
But you don't understand!
248
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,800
I had no family.
249
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,840
I had to turn them in when I was seven.
250
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,520
We used to be a fun -loving people.
251
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:09,030
Yes, yes. I understand, Max. I
understand. You're frustrated.
252
00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:13,930
You know, you don't know where to turn.
You've got no friends.
253
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:15,930
Right? Right?
254
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:19,850
Yeah, yeah. Let me show you something
with the slide protectors.
255
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:27,870
See here, I want to show you something
with these
256
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,350
here. Here, see. Now sit down there.
257
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:39,120
Oh, it's beautiful.
258
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:44,540
What is it? It's a shopping mall in the
States.
259
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,320
It's so serene.
260
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,140
Yes. These are all stores?
261
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,120
Yes. Would you believe it?
262
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:58,500
Where are all the soldiers?
263
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,100
How do you keep the people away from the
stores?
264
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,280
Well, that's just it. We don't.
America's a land of opportunity.
265
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,460
Anyone can go shopping.
266
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,900
Yes, yes. Crouch, crouch.
267
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,640
Talk to Max.
268
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:20,420
Oh, Max, you know, I was once just like
you.
269
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,240
You are a common thug.
270
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,320
I was a girl in Bavaria.
271
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:30,020
She's calling me a sissy.
272
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,780
No, no, no.
273
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,400
She's just trying to point out that...
274
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,120
Be a foreigner and come to America and
do very well.
275
00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:44,760
Yeah, yeah, look at me.
276
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,800
Well, don't let that influence your
decision.
277
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,380
America is a great country.
278
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,560
Yes, it's a land of opportunity, you
know.
279
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,660
It's a place where you can fulfill your
dreams, you know.
280
00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:03,260
You can have a vegetable stand in Watts.
281
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,210
You have dreams, don't you, Max?
282
00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:18,650
I have always wanted to be a circus
clown.
283
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:25,190
Listen to that, will you?
284
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:27,470
Make the kiddies laugh.
285
00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:29,310
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
286
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:32,150
That's wonderful.
287
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,289
That's wonderful.
288
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:37,930
Well, Max, I'm sure that somewhere in
America, there's a town that could use a
289
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:38,930
clown like you.
290
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,760
We don't need another clown with a gun.
291
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,360
Do you realize you are asking me to
defect?
292
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,880
No, no, no. I'm just suggesting that
maybe we could go down to the Hofbrau
293
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,320
get some schnapps and, you know, discuss
the possibility.
294
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:01,319
Yeah, yeah.
295
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,400
I'll tell you my exact story.
296
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,900
If I decide to defect, could we be
friends?
297
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,800
Of course, of course.
298
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,020
Not you, the sexpot!
299
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,720
the side of the wall too long.
300
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,320
Hey, Maxie.
301
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:25,660
Sure, we could be friends.
302
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,660
See? That's it. We're all just one big
happy family of friends.
303
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,240
Now, give me the gun.
304
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:41,800
Before we go to America, can I go back
and get my big floppy clown shoes?
305
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,860
Well, if you don't have to do that, you
can wear them.
306
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,580
Rouser shoes, all about the same size.
23764
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