All language subtitles for benson_s05e18_beauty_and_the_beef

What are you doing in here?

I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Well,
get it and get out. I don't want you

lollygagging around my kitchen.

Okay. I don't want to hang around here
anyway.

If I could get coffee somewhere else, I
would.

Would you just get out?

Would it bother you if I stayed?

Yeah. Good.

Oh, Benson, just the man I want to see.

Today is your lucky day.

I can see that gleam in your eye, Pete.

You want me to do some dumb talk show or
some useless interview?

Dumb? Useless?

That's what you think of the work I do,
huh?

Fine, I'll get somebody else to judge
the beauty pageant. Beauty pageant?

On the other hand, you need some help.

I'll tell them that you accept.

Accept what?

A Nobel Prize.

Don't tell me you didn't get one.

He's gonna be a judge of the Miss
Capital City beauty pageant.

And you're not.

The sacrifices I make for this job?
Right, right. You stick with that story.

I think the whole idea of a beauty
pageant is disgusting.

Thank you, Miss Sour Grapes.

He's here. He's here.

Just act natural.

Hi,

Gretchen. Hi, Denise.

There you go.

Thank you, Buck.

My pleasure, Gretchen.

You look real nice today.

Oh, well, I... I'll catch you in two
weeks.

If you need me for anything, my number's
on the cooler.

Really?

The two of you?

I find this kind of behavior revolting.
Oh, really?

Really. Oh, it's okay for you guys to do
it, huh?

Well, thank you, Kraus, for the coffee
and the floor show.

What do you mean?

What do I mean? You and Denise.

You have no room to talk, Benson. At
least I have some personal interest in

Buck. You just want to look at pretty
girls.

That's right. There's nothing wrong with
looking.

Right, and there's nothing wrong with me
looking at gorgeous men.

That's right, that's right. Go right
ahead. Just don't frighten them.

Vincent, Vincent.

Tell me honestly.

Do you think I'm too old for Buck?

Well, it's none of my business. But
yeah.

I just keep wondering what a man like
Buck sees in someone like me.

I haven't the foggiest idea.

I guess I'm feeling a little insecure.

He's not the kind of guy who usually
falls for me.

You're just as desirable as the next
woman.

I'm getting out of here while my ego is
still intact. Excuse me.

Okay, ladies, just come right in here
and make yourself comfortable.

Hiya, Vincent.

I'm Popeye the

Sailor Man.

So, who are all your friends, Pete?
Well, these are some of the contestants,

I'm showing them around the city.

This is Mr. Benson Dubois. Let's have a
big Miss Capital City smile.

My, my, my.

Look at all those lovely teeth.

Now, Benson, listen, I was wondering if
you... Oh, my goodness, this is

wonderful.

Still waters run deep.

Still waters run fast.

Benson, do you know Estelle?

Apparently not as well as you do.

Are you in this beauty package? Yes. I'm
Miss Lumber Merchant.

Estelle's father is my old Navy buddy.

Good old Reggie.

He saved my life in Okinawa. Did I ever
tell you that story?

Well, I've got to get these girls
moving. No, no, no.

You will love this story.

Uh, Benson.

Benson.

Uh, Benson, I, uh, was just passing by
on my way to the hardware store. I

thought I'd stop by and see if you
needed anything.

Oh, come to think of it, Clayton, why
don't you pick me up a bucket of grout?

Oh, well, girls, there's an awful lot of
sites still left to see, so let's get

back to that bus, okay?

Give my love to you, Daddy. I will.

Go.

But you look awfully familiar.

That's a very old line.

But I don't care.

You're kind of cute.

Well,

when you got it.

Girl, imagine that. I owe my life to
him, you know. Yeah, you mentioned that.

Boy, she has turned into quite a beauty,
hasn't she? She certainly has.

Wouldn't it be nice if she won?

Well, let's keep our fingers crossed.

Oh, I just remembered. You were going to
be one of the judges, right?

Oh, I just remembered.

I gotta get a car. Today's Buckwheat's
birthday.

Can't see you there.

Benson, Benson.

Mind if I join you?

Yes.

Good.

Benson, there are a couple of things we
should discuss.

What things?

Oh, you know, business, philosophy.

ramifications of the fiscal year,
nuclear proliferation.

Tawny.

What's a tawny?

Tawny from the beauty pageant. The one
who's crazy about me.

Oh, Clayton, you know, I can't discuss
any of the contestants.

Of course. I understand.

And I respect your integrity.

Good. You're a man of honor.

Thank you.

Anything special you want for your
birthday?

Clayton, I know you think of the pageant
as a joke, but I can assure you that

the contestants take it seriously, the
organizers take it seriously, and I take

it very seriously.

Come on, Jensen.

This isn't a presidential election.

I mean, people rig those contests all
the time.

You know, I've always thought of you as
a jerk.

But I see I'll have to revise my
opinion. You're a weasel.

Fine, fine.

Ruin my midlife.

You don't have a midlife.

Hi, Benson.

Hi, Jacob.

Why aren't you in school?

I wasn't feeling too good.

What's the matter?

Do you think I'm beautiful?

Sure.

But isn't this a talk you should be
having with your dad?

I can't. Anytime I bring up anything
that has to do with sex, Dad gets jumpy.

Well, talk to Miss Krause. Well, maybe
not.

It's about the beauty contest.

What about the beauty contest?

Well, I don't know. It's all kind of
confusing.

I mean, beauty contests are, you know,
kind of gross.

But I think it would be neat to be Miss
America.

Yeah, well, I know what you mean, Katie.

A lot of people think that beauty
pageants are stupid.

Don't you?

Not really. I think it's a chance for
those girls to get a college

maybe get a career started.

I don't think people have a right to
question their motives.

Then how come people are always putting
them down?

I don't know.

I don't have all the answers.

You did when I was ten.

Well, that's because the questions were
simpler.

Katie, what are you doing down here?
You're supposed to be upstairs, Nick.

for talking to Benson.

Thanks, Benson. Sure.

Were you expecting an army?

Buck is coming over for lunch.

For lunch?

Looks more like he's coming over for the
winter.

He happens to have a very hearty
appetite.

Well, he should. He's a growing boy.

Is that a crack about my age?

Oh, come on, Cross. If you're going to
date these children, you can't be all

that sensitive about it.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Benson, do you think we have a chance?

Not as long as you're seeing Buck.

You know what I mean.

I think Buck likes me, and I like him,
but we are from two different worlds.

Yeah, bucks from Earth.

Would you get serious?

I mean, for instance, he likes the
boogie, I like the warts.

He likes French fries, I like French
food.

He likes you, you like him.

What is your point? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I'm making too much out of this.
It could be he's just looking for a

friend. You know, you can analyze one of
these relationships right out of

existence. Right, right.

If a buddy is what he wants, that's what
I'll be. I'll just be his buddy. Good

plan, Kraus.

Just be his buddy.

Oh, and Gretchen. Yeah?

If you have other needs, you know where
I am.

Hi there, Gretchen.

Buck,

you're early.

Lunch isn't ready yet. Oh, that's okay.

Listen, I was just kind of thinking
that... What is it,

Buck?

I'm not real good with words.

Is something wrong?

No, I just... Well, I... Oh, help!

Gee, the money system has changed since
I was a scout.

Oh, Vincent, am I glad to see you. I
have to talk to you about Buck.

Who died and made me dear Abby?

No, no, no, this is not a problem. This
is good news.

Thank God.

What happened?

I have decided to dump Buck.

Congratulations. Wait a minute, wait a
minute. Don't you want to know why I'm

dumping him? Not really.

Well, I don't want you thinking I am
just doing this on a whim.

I'm not thinking about you at all.

See, once we got past all that physical
stuff, I realized I was only doing this

for my own ego.

I don't want to spend the rest of my
life with this guy.

Well, I'm sure you've made the right
decision, Kraus. Can I go to my office

I'm going to tell him tonight at the
governor's reception.

I just have to think of a delicate way
of doing it. Well, I have a suggestion.

You could resign, leave town, and never
be heard from again.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Very much.

Well, eat your heart out. It's not going
to happen.

I've got to get out more, meet some
normal people.

Hi, Benson.

Too late.

Listen, Benson, I had a really
interesting thought. If I had died in

wouldn't be governor today.

So?

So if I weren't governor, you wouldn't
be budget director.

So?

So in a sense, you could say that we
both owe our jobs to Estelle's dad,

Potter.

And if Reggie Potter were in the
competition, I'd be tempted to vote for

I'll see you later.

Just not getting through to him.

she something, huh?

Personally, she looked pretty well fed
to me.

Oh, he'll pay for that.

What do you think of Estelle's talent,
huh?

The girl can juggle.

Well, it's not how she juggles as much
as what she juggles. You're right.

I've never seen anyone juggle frozen
chickens.

Keep that in mind when you're marking
your ballot. I certainly will.

Well, it looks like they're ready
backstage, and so am I, so... The

competition! Maestro!

Just can't wait any longer.

Buck, I... I have to talk to you.

Go ahead, Gretchen.

Buck, could you look at me when I talk
to you?

Would you use both eyes?

What is it, Gretchen?

Oh, never mind. I'll tell you later.

That ends our swimsuit competition.

Let's hear it, huh?

Oh, yeah.

How come they never have girls like that
where I swim?

That's going to cost him one microwave
oven.

Okay.

Now, this next part of the contest gives
our contestants a chance to express

themselves on issues of the day, and it
gives our judges a final chance to make

their decisions.

Let's start with Miss Downtown
Retailers. And here she is, Tony Sands.

Hi, Tony.

Now, Tony, here's your question.

How would you achieve world peace?

Thank you, Pete.

I think we could achieve world peace if
people of all nations would just

hold hands.

All right, so she'll never work for the
State Department.

Because if you're holding somebody's
hand, you can't be holding a gun.

Makes as much sense as anything
Alexander Haig ever said.

ladies, in spite of the results, you're
all winners.

Having some fun now.

Hello, Governor.

Benson.

I didn't see you.

You didn't see me?

You must be upset because Estelle didn't
win.

Why should I be upset? What's done is
done.

And you did it.

You know, I'm trying to maintain a sense
of humor about this Estelle business,

but I gotta say, you're out of line.

I beg your pardon?

No, I mean it. You're out of line. Now,
wait a minute, Penzo. I don't think you

understand. I understand perfectly.

You wanted me to sway this contest in
favor of Estelle.

I expect that sort of thing from
Clayton, but not from you.

I'm like, Clayton?

That's really a low blow.

I was just trying to help a friend.

By using a friend?

Yeah. I guess that's what I was doing.
You're angry with me?

Do I look happy?

I'm really sorry, Benson.

Like you said, I was out of line.

I'll go congratulate the winner.

Actually, the redhead was my first
choice, too.

Hi. Could I ask you a favor?

What's up?

Yeah, I'm taking off.

Tell Gretchen for me.

Well, she's in the kitchen. Tell her
yourself.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Tawny's the jealous type.

Tawny? Yeah, can you really hit it off?
She's the one I'm leaving with.

See you around the water cooler.

Well, that does it. I'm getting out of
here.

Benson, have you seen Buck?

So close to freedom.

Uh, Krause, can we go somewhere private?

In your dreams, lover boy.

Look, I don't know how to tell you this,
so I'm going to tell you straight out.

Buck took off with another woman.

Oh, how could he do this to me?

Just when I was getting ready to break
the bad news to him.

Look, Krauss, I'm sorry. I know how you
must feel. I mean, just once I would

like to be the dumper instead of the
dumpee.

Krauss, look at the bright side.

For once you dealt with a relationship
like an adult. When things didn't go

right, you thought it through and made
the right decision. That should make you

feel good.

Yeah. Now you mention it, I do feel
pretty good about myself.

Yeah? See?

You know something, Benson? It's ironic.

You are the only man I've ever been able
to open up to to share my private

thoughts with.

And yet...

I don't really like you.

Somehow, I wish you did.

Oh, really?

Why? Well, you know, then we could get
to know each other, spend some time

together.

And then, when we were really close, I
could dump you.