Original subtitles

Sorry we're late.

Gotta go for a sex test.

They tested me to see if the baby's a boy or a girl. And?

It's a girl.

You gotta come see something I bought all this.

A girl, huh? That's terrific.

Congratulations,

Peter. Girl, you know, when Katie was born, she was a girl.

Pete, what is the meaning of this memo?

Oh, yeah, it says you're going to go to Florida.

Florida? Why are you going to Florida?

The governor is giving a commencement address and Benson's receiving an

degree.

Benson's receiving an honorary degree?

Benson's receiving an honorary degree.

Let's throw an honorary degree on Benson.

My alma mater, Reynolds University, is giving Benson an honorary degree, an

honorary doctorate, as a matter of fact, in economics.

So what do you think about that, Benson?

Well, I think it's laughable.

Is your name Benson?

Are you going to do it, Benson?

Sure, I'm going to do it. I'd be honored. I just wish I'd known about it

Hey, you made your point. Don't make a federal case out of it.

I don't know what's with him lately.

But that's what I'm talking about. I didn't receive any information.

When is this trip to Florida? The 17th. The 17th? I find that very short notice.

Well, you're not going, Clayton. It's just going to be myself and Benson, Pete

and Denise.

Denise is going to Florida, and I am not. I am the chief of staff.

Denise is Pete's wife, and she's pregnant.

Top death.

My fault, Governor. I told them one room for two and two rooms for one. You

should have followed up on it.

Not that I mind sharing a room with Benson, but it was your responsibility.

Yes, sir.

Little foul -ups lead to big foul -ups.

Yes, sir. Oh, Pete, our room has a beautiful view of the ocean. How about

Benson? Well, we can't see the ocean, but I can see the seagulls circling the

garbage dump.

Well, it's only a couple hours till commencement, so I'm going to take a

Oh, did you want a shower, Benson? No, go ahead.

Age before beauty.

Boy, do I miss this town.

Listen, you two, I'd like to take a little nap before we get ready.

Oh, sure, Benson. Come on, Pete.

Wait a minute.

I think this is the exact same room that Carol Liputsky announced her engagement

in.

Well, squeeze my knee.

Oh, look.

This place is showing two John Wayne classics.

Oh, John's a quiet man.

Hey, that's okay with me. I like John Wayne.

He has a cute walk.

Yeah. They don't make men like John Wayne anymore.

Oh, good evening, ladies.

They don't even come close.

another Friday night and everyone's sitting at home.

Oh, we're not.

Katie and I are going to some movies.

Really?

Yeah, I have an idea. We could all go together. I'll treat.

Or you could go home alone and save yourself a few bucks.

Fine. I understand.

Let it not be said that I'm the sort of person who forces himself on people.

Oh, I don't. All right, Clayton can come too.

Great. I'll drive. Where are we going?

The Route 29 drive -in.

A drive -in?

Yeah. I'll go change. Katie, you better get a sweater. My car? We're going to a

drive -in and eat popcorn in my car?

Yeah. And hot dogs. And pizza.

And strawberry slushies. No, wait, wait, wait.

You don't understand. I have an all -white interior. I don't even wear shoes

my car.

Dr. Dubois. Thank you very much, young man.

There's no stopping an idea whose time has come, huh? That's really something.

Dr. Benson Dubois.

I'm proud of you, Benson.

I'm exhausted.

All I want to do is hop on my PJs and hit the side.

Yeah, me too.

Dr. Dubois.

Dr. Dubois.

Mr. Dr.

Dubois.

How soon they forget.

What? Nothing.

Just a minute, Benson.

No, it's not me. It's the front door.

Can you get it? I got it.

Hey, Benson.

What is up, Pete?

Well, I thought you guys might want to go out on the town.

Come on, man. It'll be fun.

Just us guys hanging out. No, no, no. The governor's getting ready for bed,

I'm beat. Who is it?

It's Pete.

You can't come in. I'm not dressed.

It's not Pete. It's the front door. I'll get it.

Pete? Your wife, Denise.

Why are you following me?

I'm not following you. I didn't know where you went.

Yeah, well, now you know.

What is the matter with you, Pete?

Nothing is the matter with me. I'm feeling a little bit cooped up. What can

say? How about good night?

Why don't we go back to the room and watch some TV, huh?

Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm just going to go downstairs and get a pack of

cigarettes. You don't smoke.

Well, I'll get a pack of gum.

I chew, don't I?

Well, I'll go back to the room.

Oh, now don't worry, Denise. He'll probably get downstairs and find out

fool he's been, come back and apologize.

Yeah, you're probably right.

That's it.

In case, I'll go back to the room and explain it to her. Okay.

Oh,

I thought there was somebody out here.

There was.

Pete and Denise.

Did they leave?

What about?

I don't know. It's none of my business.

Well, don't bite my head off. I just wondered if we could help. Yes, we can

help. We can go to sleep and then wake up the first thing in the morning and

mind our own business.

Take me out to the...

I don't care if I never get my first meal. Good, good for the

heart.

I don't when it's a shame.

I guess you'd better sit down.

And now our national anthem.

I guess you'd better stand up.

Calm down, Denise.

Small college town like this, nothing ever happens to anybody.

Okay, thank you very much.

The death clerk said that there are about half a dozen joints out there

the college that stay open all night, and I thought I'd go out and check them

out. I'll go with you. Well, maybe we should all go.

No, no, you should stay here in case Pete calls or comes back. Good idea.

I'll be in my room. Okay.

Okay, Benson, come on, come on. Let's get going here. Shake a leg.

Come on, would you wait just a minute? Do you mind if I get some clothes on?

Didn't you get any sleep?

How could I get any sleep?

You're saying take me out to the ball game all night in old Canada.

Was that me?

In my dream, it was Rosemary Clooney.

Oh, they just don't make movies like that quiet man anymore, John Wayne.

some ice cream. Oh, sounds good to me.

Why don't we take it out to the parking lot and eat it in my car?

Oh, Clayton, you're such a party pooper. I have strawberry slushie all over my

tape deck.

This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't grabbed my knee.

I was reaching for a napkin to wipe your greasy fingerprints off my windshield.

Well, I was trying to get that fly.

Why? Didn't you have enough to eat?

Mark likes that, and you'll be picking teeth out of your tonsils.

Why do you guys have to fight all the time?

Ach, Liebchen, it's not just us. Men and women have been fighting since Eve got

dumped on by Adam.

That's not the way it was.

So what are you, some kind of Bible scholar?

As a matter of fact, I happen to be fairly knowledgeable about the Bible, as

well as the Talmud and the Koran. Oh, yeah, well, I got ten boxes. You can't

name the books of the Old Testament.

Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1

Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, 2 Kings, 1 Chronicles, 2 Chronicles, Ezra,

Esther, Job, Psalm.

I want the bar next door.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We're looking for a friend.

Aren't we all?

You don't understand. We're looking for this guy because his wife is worried

sick about him.

That's a very righteous thing to do, man.

Thank you.

Anyway, the guy's about 30.

You guys are cops, right?

Oh, no, I'm a governor, and he's a budget director.

Great line.

You guys must really score with the chicks, huh?

Oh, well, Benson does pretty well, but I'm more of a homebody.

Can we get back to the subject? This guy's about... Listen, man, I think I

help you out. Stick around.

But right now, I gotta introduce the show.

So if you dig jazz, you'll dig this.

You think this will take long, don't you? No, that guy's got to be back in

coffin by sunrise.

And now, the end -of -the -road coffeehouse takes great pleasure in

presenting the new poet laureate of the saxophone and a real bad dude,

Mr.

Porkchop Downey.

Porkchop Downey?

We better stick around.

Life is like the post office.

If you don't put in a change of address, they mail it to somebody else.

Postage due.

The mailman wants to know.

Listen to those sounds, Spencer. Have you ever heard anything like that?

Yeah, one time when my nephew vacuumed a parakeet out of his cage.

This is a number he calls silence.

So far, it's my favorite.

Yes!

Manson, Governor?

What are you doing, Pete?

No, hey, Pete is gone. I'm porkchop.

I can't go back there, baby.

I'm not that guy anymore.

What guy?

What a guy with the wife and the suit and the kid on the way.

Well, what do you expect Denise to do?

I don't know.

I love her, but... Hey, chop!

You're a little tardy for the next set, man. Oh, you'll be.

I'll catch you guys later, okay?

I think we'd better call Denise. I think we'd better call a psychiatrist.

Excuse me.

Is there a phone somewhere?

Yeah.

Uh, could you tell me where it is?

Go up the stairs.

Out the door.

Hang a left.

When you get to the end of the street, take a right.

Keep going straight till you get to the roller rink.

Where it is.

There. Got a phone.

Thank you.

Man, this guy's growing mold between his ears.

Pete, God only knows where he is.

I'll go call Denise. You keep an eye on Pete. No, wait a minute. You keep an eye

on Pete. I'll call Denise. I'll tell you what.

Pick a number from one to ten.

Seven. You were so close.

doing the breaststroke.

No, I mean, what's he doing?

Visual poetry.

He calls it birth of a sax man.

Come on, Denise.

Besson, why don't you tell Pete that Denise is here?

Pete?

Denise is here.

I can't talk to her.

Everybody out of the pool.

Ladies and gentlemen, how about it for Pete Porkchop Downey.

And now, Mr. Downey will attempt a very difficult song.

How to make up with your old lady.

Hi, Pete.

Hey, ma 'am.

Could you guys please leave us alone for a minute?

Yeah, I can do it.

How about you, Gunther? I think so.

What's going on here, Pete?

I'll tell you what's going on here.

I woke up this morning. I realized I was this close to buying a station wagon.

I didn't know you wanted a station wagon.

Yes, I'm scared.

A family, a kid, it's a big responsibility.

I've never been a father before. I don't know if I can handle it. Well, you

think you're the only one who's scared?

never been a mother before.

You're scared too?

Sure.

What the hell are we going to do?

Well, we are going to do what parents have done for thousands of years before

us. We're going to muddle through.

We're going to make mistakes.

We'll feel inadequate. Sometimes we'll feel totally lost.

Hey, this isn't cheering me up.

I didn't come here to cheer you up.

I came here to take you. home.

Even after what I've done?

Kate, I love you.

Let's just chalk this up to temporary insanity.

I love you too, Denise.

Let's go home.

Oh, I left all my money at the hotel.

It's okay. I'll get it.

I don't have any money either.

Then we'll have to wash dishes.

I don't think they do that here.

What are we going to do, Benson?

Maybe one of us could go up there and recite poetry.

Good idea. Go ahead.

Pick a number from 1 to 10.