All language subtitles for benson_s04e18_calamity_kraus

Give me a favor.

Does sardine look okay to you?

It's hard to tell. Is it running a
fever?

What the heck?

Did you learn to eat SeaWorld?

What is it, Ray Benson?

Why don't you carry a purse, Krauss,
like other women?

I got this new garbage can for Pete.

Let's walk, Krauss.

I'm going to get this over to my office.

Can't wait to try it out. Hey, you
forgot your lunch.

How about you like a nice cheeseburger
for lunch with a slice of raw onion and

fresh tomato and a delicious potato
salad?

That sounds great. Thanks, Cross. It's a
special at the Melody Cafe today.

Enjoy yourself.

I must be getting tired. I didn't see
that coming.

Sir, I didn't insult him. Oh, yes, you
did.

Well, it wasn't meant as an insult.

Benson, you're a narrow -minded,
unreasonable manipulator. Now, wait a

What did I do? See, Benson thinks it's
an insult.

Right, all right. So I insulted Fred
Crandall. He's still going to pull the

Sunshine Toaster Company out of this
state and move it to Singapore.

Wait a minute. He can't do that, can he?

Doesn't he have to abide by the
stockholder's vote?

Oh, he's more than happy to.

Well, that corporate report says he only
holds 15 % of the stock.

Yes, but he also holds the proxy to J
.B. Gallagher's 36%. Which gives him a

majority, so he can do anything he wants
to. And since it was his idea to move

the company... We can kiss our toasters
goodbye.

And 800 jobs.

Well, did anybody try to go over
Crandall's head to J .B. Gallagher in

Now, that's a good idea, Clayton. Oh,
really?

To a billionaire like J .B. Gallagher,
Sunshine Toasters is small change.

I'm sure she's not even aware she holds
the stock.

Well, in that case, I think we should
try to contact her.

Ah, Benson, you know nothing about how
the very rich live. They surround

themselves with toadies. They'll never
get through to her. Where does she live?

She lives outside Houston in a little
town called Gallagher. Yeah, sure, when

she's not at her villa in Mallorca, her
townhouse in Boston, or Key Lodge at

Vail. Yes, operator, could you get me a
listing for J .B. Gallagher in

Gallagher, Texas, please?

Manson, you are so stubborn. I guarantee
you the number is not listed.

Yes, well, thank you.

Well, that number is probably her
lawyer's or her business manager's or

tennis pro's or whatever.

Hello. I'd like to speak to J .B.
Gallagher, please.

You're wasting your time.

Well, I didn't expect you to answer in
person.

Judy Bob.

Well, sure, I'd be happy to call you
Judy Bob, and you can call me Benson.

Listen, Judy Bob, if you have a few
minutes, I'd like to talk to you about a

company called Sunshine Toasters.

Yes, I'll wait while you put your things
in the dryer.

Have a seat.

What seems to be the problem?

Pete, he's a selfish, inconsiderate
slob.

Yeah, well, Pete is a little immature.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

Well, you just called him a selfish,
inconsiderate slob. Well, it's

I'm in love with him.

Denise, I think you better talk this
over with another woman.

Or Krause.

Benson, I need a man's point of view.

on a date, I drive.

We go to a movie, I pay.

So I ask him for one little favor. Have
dinner with my parents and you know what

he says?

No way, Jose.

I can certainly see why you're in love
with him.

Benson, what do men really want from
women?

Well, what do men really want?

That's right.

No, no.

Benson, could I see you for a moment?
Yes, come on in, Governor. I could use a

friendly face.

Okay, Clayton, come on in.

Benson, Clayton tells me that you don't
want him at this first meeting with J

.B. Gallagher. And I'm the expert on
Sunshine Toaster, sir. Don't forget

I'm the expert.

Who's the expert?

Governor, for this first meeting with
Judy, Bob, I would rather not bother her

with a lot of technical detail.

Well, it is not detail.

It's important information.

Be that as it may, I've established a
pretty good rapport with Judy Bob on the

phone, and I'd rather strengthen that
before I hit her with important

information. All right, Benson, I trust
your judgment. I'm sorry, Clayton,

you're going to have to sit this one
out.

May I be at the second meeting?

Yes.

of this masquerade. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't introduce myself.

I'm Judy Bob Gallagher.

Woman, you're about two inches from a
straightjacket.

Miss Cross, are you all right?

Were you boys sucking on a jug before I
got here?

Get out of that ridiculous costume and
go on back to the kitchen.

much she looked like Miss Cross.

Governor, if you don't mind, I'm going
to take a couple of days off.

Benson, what's the matter with you? Ever
since lunch, you've been acting

strange. Did you watch Judy, Bob? She
can't keep her hands off me.

Oh, well, she's just being friendly.

Friendly? Clayton, when a woman touches
your arm, she's saying, let's be

friends. When she squeezes your knee,
eh?

Benson, she is a single woman.

Now! But she's been married 14 times.

She's interested in you for number 50.

I don't think that's funny.

Benson, Benson, turn on the charm.
Forget it. Do you want the toaster

remain in this state?

Is the president bowlegged?

You better flatter, flirt, neck if
necessary.

I'll be in my office.

Hey!

Sorry we took so long.

We had to stop at the airport and pick
up Lyndon. I don't go anywhere without

Lyndon. Judy, Bob, I think he likes me.

Lyndon, honey, this here is the governor
and this is Slim.

And this cute little cupcake is Vincent.

Give me a kiss.

I was Lyndon wanted to kiss.

Judy, Bob, please come sit down.

Thank you, Slim.

You're a real gentleman.

So, Judy Bob, am I correct in assuming
that you're going to help us keep the

Sunshine Toaster Company in our state?

You're darn tootin'. I don't want 800
Americans out of work.

I'll instruct Crandall to vote my proxy
in favor of staying in this state.

Well, you know, that's great news,
because I've got a lot of work piling up

my office, and if you don't mind, Judy
Bob, I'm going to be moseying along.

Whoa there, cookie.

There is one thing. According to my
tally, Judy Bob, your proxy alone is not

enough to swing the vote. However, if
you were to appear in front of the board

in person... I'd get the strays back in
the herd.

Exactly.

Well, now, Slim, that's worth discussing
over dinner.

Oh, well, that would be my pleasure.

Not you, Slim.

Cupcake.

Well, actually, see, I'm not allowed to
have dinner.

Doctor's orders.

Benson.

Clayton. You boys fighting over me?

You might say that.

Well, you can hang up your spurs, Slim.

You ain't got a chance.

This cowpoke's the most man I've met in
many a year.

You've met most of them, huh?

That's something.

Damn, he's not only cute and sexy, he's
funny, too.

Ain't that so, Governor?

We enjoy it.

Well, I'll send my car for you around
eight.

We'll find us a cozy spot.

Adios, Cupcake.

Cupcake? Shut up, Pete.

Hello, Cupcake.

Why would you like to be surrounded by
potatoes?

Sir Benson, I hear you and Judy Bob went
for Chinese last night. Where did you

hear that?

It's right here in Capital Chatter.

What budget director was seen holding
hands last night with the famous Texas

millionaires at Mandarin Mike's?

I wasn't holding hands with her. I was
teaching her how to use chopsticks.

Forget it, Benson. It's all over town.
You two are linked romantically.

Look, they even got a photograph.

Say, that's a good -looking woman.

Let me see that.

Today, capital chatter.

Tomorrow's a national inquiry.

Judy Bob Gallagher nightclubbing with
her current amour, Benson Dubois.

Where'd he get that current amour
business?

I wrote it.

I think it makes you sound like a
dashing young bachelor.

You wrote it?

Yeah. Is that a problem?

Why, good morning, honey.

Guess you do want to be alone, huh?

Get out of here.

Judy, Bob, I'm glad you dropped by.
We've got to discuss this. I saw it.

don't, don't propose to me. I'd have to
turn you down. You see, I just found me

number 15.

What'd you do? Have room service? Send
somebody out?

I'm on my way to cool. Wait.

There's an oil print there. Suddenly it
becomes single. I'm off to the airport

now. Yeah, but, Judy Bob, if you're not
here, I'm afraid we won't be able to

sway the members of the board.

Honey, you're talking toasters. I'm
talking love.

But don't you worry, sugar.

There's always number 16.

Did you hear?

Judy Bob Gallagher. I know. She just
left. But don't panic. Now, I have a

Okay. We dress Miss Krause up to look
like Judy Bob Gallagher and we fool

everybody at the meeting.

That's your plan? Yeah.

Now can I panic?

list of Judy Bob's holdings. You might
want to familiarize yourself with that.

Oh, here is an interesting article on
import -export tariffs. I've underlined

some of the salient points. Now,
Clayton, I've only got about an hour and

minutes. Just give me the basics. I
don't have time to cram for a final

Don't snap at me, Benson. This wasn't my
dumb plan.

Well, it certainly wasn't my dumb plan.
Well, whose dumb plan was it? Actually,

it was my dumb plan.

Well, let's work out the details.

I thought we'd begin by my briefing you
on the board. of directors, Crandall,

Randall, and Daniel.

Crandall, Randall, and Daniel.

Crandall is the big guy, although
Randall is taller, and Daniel is short

mustache. I see.

Now, uh, now, Crandall has the mustache,
Randall has the glasses, Daniel I've

never met. Well, I've met Daniel and
Randall. Of course, Crandall, I've only

read about.

Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm lost
already.

I don't even remember why we were having
this conversation.

You are the directors.

I certainly am.

Look, let's do this logically.

No, let's do it simply. Just tell me
their first names. Fred.

Randall. Right.

And Randall? Right.

Right what?

Fred.

Randall and Randall have the same first
name.

As Daniel.

They all three have the same first name.

God, at last we've got that straight.

Listen, everybody.

I've been practicing my Texas accent.

I thought it was agreed that you weren't
going to speak.

Well, this is just in case of an
emergency.

Okay, listen to this.

Howdy, possum of... Well, that's great,
except it doesn't sound like Judy Park.

Fine, get rich little.

We found a cowgirl outfit that will fit.

That is a little gaudy, isn't it? Where
did you get that thing?

A buddy of mine went to a Halloween
party dressed as Tammy Wynette.

You must have a fascinating private
life.

Good. Cute.

Gretchen, I think you should try it on
just in case we have to alter it. Oh,

yeah. Benson, can I use your bathroom?

Sure. Thank you. Hey, be careful now.
Don't ruin my buddy's dress.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Daddy, you know, they're not going to
believe Miss Krause and Judy Bob.

Oh, so you think it's a dumb plan, too,
huh?

No, I'm talking about Lyndon. I thought
they were all named Fred.

And Lyndon is the parrot. Oh, my Lord,
we don't have a parrot.

Glad to be at some help. Oh, she's
right. We've got to get a parrot.

I know where we can get a parrot.

There's a Romanian guy lives downstairs
from me. He's got a parrot.

I take it back.

Your private life isn't fascinating.

It's silly.

Give the Romanian whatever he wants, but
get that parrot.

I'm on my way.

Congratulations, Miss Cross. You're
beginning to sound like a Texan.

That was me. I sat on a spur.

Common household accident.

Oh, Benson.

The dress fits perfectly. Here's your
stapler back.

Wait till you see.

Come on out, Cross.

I'm not coming out. I look stupid.

I've never stopped you before.

None of your smart remarks, Benson.

Well, do I look like Judy Bob Gallagher?

No, Crouch. You look like a hundred
dollars worth of junk jewelry.

That's it. I'm going back in. Oh, you
can't. We don't have another outfit that

will fit.

I got it. I got it. What? The parrot.

There's only one problem. What's that?

He's stuffed.

Good. Then we don't have to feed him.

Oh, I need to...

He brought us a dead parrot?

I didn't know.

All this time I thought he was just
being quiet.

See, Lyndon was always talking. He was
always saying things like, Lyndon's a

pretty boy. And hello, Daddy.

Do that again.

Hello, Daddy.

At least that gives me an idea.

Gretchen, does Katie still have that
walkie -talkie? Yeah.

We can put a walkie -talkie in Pete's
jacket, and he can carry the bird.

We can put Denise in the governor's
closet with another walkie -talkie, and

can pretend to be the parrot's voice.

That's a good plan, Benson.

Don't do that, Pete.

That's a good plan, Benson.

There's just one thing that worries me.

What's that?

I'm beginning to think like the
governor.

Somebody ought to tell Clayton and the
governor what we're doing. There's no

time. They're having lunch with the
board of directors. Okay, let's test it.

Okay.

Lyndon's a pretty boy.

Okay,

that sounds great.

All right, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed
your lunch, so why don't we just step

into my office?

Katie, into the closet.

Pete, keep your bird up.

You've got a terrible look on your face.

You're right. There's nothing we can do
about it.

Okay, Governor. Come on in.

Thank you, Buzzard. Ah, Mr.

Randall. Crandall. That's right.
Crandall with a mustache.

And you are?

Randall. Right.

Mr. Daniel. Call me Fred. I was planning
to.

Yes, I'd like for you to meet Pete
Downey and Lyndon.

And, of course, you know Mrs.

Gallagher. Never had the pleasure.

Nor I.

We met once.

Hello, Judy Bob.

Well, you know, I'd like you to meet
Clayton. We've met. Oh, you've met

Well, Clayton, meet Judy Bob.

Ah, howdy, Judy Bob. Are you enjoying
your visit? Ah, thanks a lot, Clayton.

This is Linda.

Hello, Mr. Endicott.

Very smart bird.

Uh, gentlemen, why don't we get down to
business?

Gentlemen, as you know, we are here to
talk toasters.

Toasters, broasters, waffle irons. What
we are talking about is commerce.

I don't get it.

Quiet, Lyndon. Mr. Randall is speaking.

Oh,

well, anyway, Fred has the floor.

I think I've made my position more than
clear.

I'd like to hear what Judy Bob has to
say. Me, too. I'm for that.

Well, I think Judy Bob's...

A written statement on the subject
covers the point quite adequately.

Yeah. I mean, yup.

I cannot get over that bird knowing my
name.

Look, Judy Bob, Fred is just trying to
make the company more profitable. As a

stockholder, I'm sure you understand
that. And frankly, Fred and I agree with

Fred. Well, good. Gentlemen, can we get
down to discussing the 800 jobs?

The arm is going numb.

Well, put the bird on your other arm.
Well, I can't. He's asleep right now.

He was just talking.

He talks in his sleep.

Forget about the bird, and let's talk
about the toaster factory.

Thank you.

Sound asleep.

Perhaps we should hear from Mr. Randall.

To tell you the truth, I'm on the fence.
I could go either way.

If Judy Bob feels strongly about asking
me to vote with her, then I'll vote with

her. Me too.

Well, uh, be assured she does feel
strongly.

I'd like to hear it from her.

You mean have her say it?

Out loud.

Judy Bob, do you honestly believe it
would be better to keep the factory

Uh... Just a yup or nope. Let her
answer.

Do you want us to cancel the Singapore
move?

You bet your boots, buckaroo.

Then I'm with Judy. And I'm with Fred.

And I'm outvoted.

And I'm amazed.

And the factory stays here.

Well, that's fine.

I'm glad that's settled.

Judy Bob, no hard feelings.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Judy Bob has a
plane to catch.

Pete, Clayton, let's get Judy Bob on
that plane.

Prompto, forthwith. So long, Judy Bob.

Achoo! Keep your bird warm.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen.

She gets around.

Thank you so much for coming by and for
all the help you have given our state.

Let's get back to the office and start
charting a new cause.

Goodbye,

Fred. Goodbye, Fred.

Goodbye, Fred.

Well, Benson, still think it was a dumb
idea?

Well, Governor, after all I've done
today, I have no room to talk.

Can we come out now?

Sure, Katie.

Denise, that was wonderful. Thank you.
Oh, it was fun. Here's your walkie

-talkie, Katie. Thanks, Denise.

What was that all about?

Well, that was my part of the dumb plan.

It was Denise in the closet there with a
walkie -talkie. That was her voice you

heard. That was Denise?

Oh, I see.

So that way Miss Cross didn't have to
talk at all.

Why didn't I think of that?

How'd things work out with you and Pete?

Oh, everything's great.

Judy Bob gave me some advice about men.

Sounds like getting diet tips from
Elizabeth Taylor.

Judy Bob says, men are like boots.

Once you wear the heel out, you might as
well throw them away.

You believe that philosophy?

No, but I'll tell you, it keeps Pete on
his toes.

Well, God didn't rest on the seventh
day. He taught women to be tricky.

Maybe he's a she.

That would explain a lot of things.