Original subtitles

Benson, I am fully aware that you don't like me.

Then I won't have to send you a memo.

Benson, the data processing people delivered all this stuff for you.

Ah, yeah, these are the third quarter ledgers. I've been looking for them.

Well, get some off my kitchen table.

I will, Krauss. I'll send somebody to pick them up.

Benson, will you listen to me? I spent six weeks working on that sales tax

proposal. Clayton, you wrote a variation on the bill that's been turned down a

dozen times.

Oh, and I suppose you think your variation is so much better.

I'm only looking to get the bill passed. It doesn't matter to me who writes it.

Well, it matters to me.

Benson, I just hate this kind of thing.

I'm not having any fun either.

Benson, don't you understand? I put my guts into that proposal.

Perhaps if you'd put some thought into it.

Fine. From now on, you're on my list.

On set goes double for me.

This is new.

Tag team hassling.

I just got a call from Senator Chaplin. The committee must have that state tax

proposal by Friday.

Which means you've got to get that rewrite to me no later than Wednesday.

no problem, sir.

Uh, sir, if you want my opinion, you already have a perfectly good tax

Clayton, we discussed this meeting. I think you did an excellent job. It's

that I like Benson's approach better, that's all.

You like Benson better, that's all.

I suppose we should be more sensitive to Clayton's needs.

What about me?

We all have needs.

Yes, but yours require human blood.

Vincent, you're not in your office.

That's what I've been trying to tell him. What do you want, Denise?

You.

Here I am. What do you want? It's your brother.

No, it's me.

I mean, he's calling from the airport.

Which one?

There's only one airport.

Which brother, Denise?

He said his name is Russell.

I'll be in my office.

It's important that one of us knows where one of us is at all times.

Call me Dizzy.

Hello, Russell.

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down.

I know you're here.

Why are you here?

Oh, really? For how long?

That's great.

So where are you going to stay?

No, no problem at all. I got an extra room.

So what are you going to do? Rent a car?

No, no, no problem at all. Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in about 20 minutes.

Listen, why don't you meet me at the curb, and that way I don't have to park.

No, no, no problem at all. I guess I can find a hospitality suite.

I'll see you there. Okay, bye -bye.

So, you're taking science of the day off? Yeah, my brother's in town.

Oh, you're bringing him by here?

Yeah, I probably will. Good. He can help you get that rubbish out of the

kitchen.

Rubbish is already left.

I hear you.

You're kidding.

That's all you pay for this place?

That won't buy you this much in Phoenix.

Luckily,

I wasn't looking in Phoenix.

Why don't you put the bags down right there? Yeah.

What have you got in these bags, Arizona?

Loretta always packs like she's trying to get rid of me.

Yeah, well, maybe you ought to take the hint.

I want to have a beer. You want one? No.

Did you leave anything at home? Just Loretta.

Then you brought her along.

Could she just be bored, me and my seminar all day, hanging out with you

night? Yeah, yeah, well, I wish I'd have known you were coming.

I could have baked something.

It's not going to be a hassle for you, is it? Oh, no, no. It's no problem at

all. It's just that I was supposed to take Jennifer out to dinner tonight.

Actually, in 41 minutes.

Well, why not have your little brother tag along?

I'll buy.

I'll tell you what. I'll give you a quarter. You go to the movies.

I remember when you used to do that to me.

I remember when you tried to get me up to 50 cents.

Yeah.

That's right. You were dating that girl in the choir. What's her name? The ugly

one. I've never dated any ugly girl.

Oh, yes, you did.

She was ugly. I remember, man. She had those little thick glasses.

Why are you talking about Ruth?

Oh.

You take them glasses off Ruth, as I did on many occasions.

Oh, she was something else.

Yeah.

Ugly and nearsighted.

Have it your way.

Well, I'm going to call Jennifer and cancel. I'll explain about you arriving

unexpectedly. Hey, I'll check into a hotel.

Don't be silly.

Jennifer will understand.

This seminar you're going to, is it just for dentists? Yeah.

What is it, new equipment, procedures and stuff like that?

No, it's investing for dentists.

Investing for dentists?

I got a couple grand I want to put in the commodities market. Sugar futures.

No matter what happens, then I cash in.

Well. Be sure and brush after every deal.

Hello, babe.

Yeah.

Listen, my brother Russell came into town.

Yeah, Russell.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, so I was wondering if we could sort of just, you know, cancel the

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Mm -hmm.

Well, you know, I didn't know he was coming in. I just... Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Mm -hmm.

Well, gee, sweetheart, I was hoping you'd be a little bit more

Uh -huh.

All right, yeah.

Well, I'll talk to you in a couple of days.

Bye -bye.

She didn't mind.

Okay, where to?

Listen, well, why don't I fix something here?

And that way we can catch up on everything.

Hey, man, I'm on vacation. I don't want to eat at home.

Where were you going to take Jennifer for dinner? I was going to take Jennifer

down to a little place called Romeo's.

Works for me, just as long as you buy.

Where can I go freshen up? Upstairs.

Oh,

Russell, it's so good to have you back.

You want to get back?

All

right,

but listen. Last night, did you watch Moby Dick on TV?

No, was he sitting in for Johnny Carson?

Boy, what a movie, huh?

Oh, that Gregory Peck, he is so nice.

Made me hungry for seafood.

Do you want to have some lunch?

Uh, sir, I'm running behind here. I'll take a rain check.

Okay. You know, Benson, there's one thing about that story that I never

understood. What is the significance of Ahab's wooden leg?

Well, without it, he would have fallen down a lot.

Ensign,

well, I thought I'd just drop by and see how the hatchet job is going on my tax

proposal.

Clayton, I'm just getting started.

Oh. Yeah, I'm working on the outline here.

Oh. But you'll have it ready by Wednesday morning.

More like Wednesday evening, sir. Oh.

Well, that's cutting it a little tight, but I guess I can manage.

Sir, the reason he can't get started is because there's very little that needs

to be changed in my tax proposal.

I think you would have seen that if you'd read it more carefully.

Clayton, I was trying to spare your feelings, but since you've made an issue

it, I'll come straight out. Your concept stinks.

See?

But tomorrow evening at the latest.

Oh, you'll have it.

Oh, come on, Clayton. Don't take it so hard. None of us is perfect.

Let's go have some lunch.

Come on.

Quite frankly, sir, right now, the concept of eating stinks.

He's such a baby sometimes.

Hey, Benson, look who's here.

Oh, look, it's Katie.

Yeah, this is one prime piece of real estate you got here.

Dr. Dubois says our house would be worth a million five in Phoenix.

Governor, I'd like you to meet my brother, Dr. Russell Dubois.

Ah, how are you, Russell? You must be the dentist's brother.

orthodontist, who specializes in capital gains.

Fenton, your brother was telling me I should put my allowance into Thalbelly.

Well, in your case, I think he means a piggy bank.

Well, I'll leave you two alone.

Pleasure meeting you, Governor. Oh, I'll see you again before you leave.

Katie, will you have lunch with me?

Sure, Dad, but let me buy so I can write it off.

Well, what's up, Russell? I thought that I was going to see you tonight.

Well, I was a little bored with those guys at the seminar. I thought you and I

could go out for lunch. Well, I was planning to eat a sandwich here in the

office. Ah, come on. Do you good to get out just for an hour, huh?

Well, uh... How often do I come into town?

Okay, but let's make it quick.

Okay.

Tell you what, though.

You drive. Your car rides like a tank.

Is there anything wrong with my car?

No, no, no. I mean, I'm just used to my Mercedes.

Should have rented a car.

You still up, man?

It's midnight.

Yeah, I'm trying to make up for lost time.

Yeah, I can't sleep either. I think it's different time zones.

Yeah, mm -hmm.

You got boring TV here, you know that?

Yeah, yeah.

Russell, I don't need a play -by -play.

Greta never keeps ice cream in the house. Probably just as well I'd put on

pounds.

Russell, I got a lot of work to do.

I'm tired.

It's already late, so... Why don't you just have a taste of ice cream?

Russell, uh...

What

is it?

sensitive parts of the mouth.

Russell, leave me alone. Go to bed.

I don't want to go to bed. I'm a grown -up. I don't have to go to bed if I

want to.

All right, I can finish this in the morning. What do you want to talk about?

Who said I wanted to talk about anything?

If you don't want to talk about anything, I'm going back to work. You

a thing for work. You know that? Is that what you want to talk about? No, that's

not what I want to talk about.

Even when we were kids, you were always rushing off to work somewhere.

For good reason. Jason Russell, I was supporting the family. In case you've

forgotten, I was the one who put you through dental school.

No, I haven't forgotten.

I've heard that tune so many times, it should be on a hit parade.

How much did it cost you? How much did what cost me? Dental school. How much

it cost you? $10 ,000? $12 ,000? You just tell me.

I don't know. I never added it up. Man, that's not the point.

Well, let's just be generous and call it $15 ,000, okay?

Call it what you like. The money is not important, Russell. You bet it's not.

From now on, it's not even going to be an issue.

Here. What is this? That's my check for $15 ,000. We're even. I don't want your

check. Of course you don't. You'd rather for me to keep the $15 ,000 so you can

go on reminding me how much of a sacrifice you made for me.

That's it.

You come to town unannounced, screw up my entire weekend to accommodate your

every whim, live in my house, borrow my car, and then talk about it, and I'm

supposed to sit here and take this. Well, I hope you can spend three days in

motel because that's where you're going. You're out of here.

You wait a minute. No, no minute.

Pretend you're not here.

Denise, don't go berserk on me.

All I said was Morgan Fairchild is sexy.

And I'm not.

In your own way.

Is it because she's blonde? I could be blonde.

Her hair has nothing to do with it. It's her personality.

Men.

Women. Men.

Women.

What are you talking about?

Morgan Fairchild. What are you talking about? Arnold. He broke our luncheon

date.

Well, Gretchen, I'm not busy. Why don't you and I have lunch?

Well, why not?

Who needs them?

What about me?

Go have lunch with Miss Personality.

Hey, Pete, Pete, Pete.

Pick on furniture your own size.

Oh, what do women want anyway, Benson?

Not today, Pete. I was up all night finishing the proposal.

First you're supposed to open doors for them, then you're not allowed to open

doors for them.

They constantly worry about their age, but if you call one of them a girl, they

slap you silly.

You want to know what I think?

Not really.

I think it's the moon.

The what? From the first day we landed men on the moon, women have been ticked

off.

Hello there, Peter.

What's with him?

His love life was ruined by the space program.

So, Benson, finished that proposal, eh?

Yeah, I was up half the... the night.

Happy with the result?

I'm happy I finished it.

So, uh, finishing it was your main objective, eh?

Well, my main objective was a workable proposal.

Uh -huh.

You, uh, think you achieved that?

Clayton, do you have something specific you want to say about my tax proposal?

No. But the governor does, and he's waiting for us.

I've never seen you so happy before. You've never been in such trouble

I can't wait to see you.

It's not well thought out. Absolutely.

It's poorly written.

Precisely. And worst of all, it compounds the errors of Clayton's

draft.

Sir, that I can't agree with.

Clayton, I'd like to talk to Benson alone.

Well, I do feel I have something to contribute to this conversation. I

Could I just listen?

No, leave it alone.

Sir, I was the one who went to the kitchen to get him. Goodbye, Clayton.

Sir.

Benson.

Benson, this just isn't like you.

Well, I have no excuse, sir. I got myself into a time problem, and I had to

rush. I apologize.

Is it something I can help you with?

No, sir, it's a personal problem.

Well, this puts me way behind on the tax proposal. What am I going to do?

I can take another shot at it. Have you cleared up your personal problem?

Frankly, no.

But you will before you attempt to rewrite.

Definitely.

Okay, then I'll call up Senator Chapman and say that we have to have an

extension.

No, Clayton.

I'll get this rewritten as soon as possible. I'm sorry about the delay.

Oh, I understand, Gunson. We all have personal problems. What is it, Jennifer?

You know, sometimes the deeper you get into a relationship, the more problems

you discover.

My brother's a problem.

Oh, your brother and Jennifer, oh.

And so Jennifer's not involved.

Well, your brother certainly is. He's married.

My brother and Jennifer don't have anything to do with each other.

Oh, I get it. You mean he doesn't approve of Jennifer.

Sir, they've never even met.

I think your brother has a nerve to take that attitude.

Maybe I'd be better off if I just discussed this with Ruffalo.

That's right. Have a good talk. Don't let these things fester.

Right. Thank you.

Oh, and one other thing, Bronson. What's that?

I wouldn't mention any of this to Jennifer.

Dream of it.

He checked out?

When?

I wonder why he didn't tell me.

What? Oh, no, you don't have to answer that.

Yeah, yeah, you sleep tight, too.

You checked out of your hotel.

I know that.

I have been trying to reach you.

What did you want? Why are you here? I asked you first.

Come on in, Russell. I don't have time.

You have time to come through the door.

Why are you in such a hurry?

I have a 10 o 'clock flight to Phoenix.

Why are you going to Phoenix? I live in Phoenix, Benton.

I know that, Russell.

I thought you were going to spend the weekend here.

I thought you were going to have time for me, too.

Let's not start that again, okay?

I forgot to give you this. It's a gift from Lisa and Daniels with Uncle Benson.

They made some moccasins and a wallet for you at summer camp.

Some moccasins? How did they get my size?

They didn't. It's a big chief size.

Same as Loretta's.

Hey, those are cute.

Very nice.

This must be the wallet.

No, actually, it's a wampum pouch. There's a little space in there for your

credit cards.

Oh, that's very nice.

Thank them for me, they're beautiful kids.

You're a lucky guy, Russell.

Yeah, I got a terrific family.

Does that include me?

Of course it does.

You want a beer?

Yeah.

Look, man, I'm sorry about the other night.

I came at a bad time, you were busy.

I should have learned how to deal with that by now.

Russell?

Did you really think when we were kids that I enjoyed spending my time working?

I think what you enjoyed was how everybody looked up to you.

There goes the Dubois kid, working real hard, keeping the whole family together.

Russell, what people said wasn't important to me. What was important to

that we stayed together as a family.

Well, why don't you let me off the hook? I don't know what you're talking about.

You resent me because I had it so easy, and you had to pay for everything.

I don't resent you.

There's one thing about you that's always bothered me.

No, no, no. I was happy to work to put you kids through school.

But what galled me was the way you always took it as your natural born

I did no such thing. You did.

I did not.

Well, you never thanked me. I thought you knew how I felt.

Why didn't you say it? Well, man... Because

I'm in awe of you.

Me?

Look at you. You're a successful dentist. You got a beautiful wife,

home, beautiful kids.

You got a Mercedes.

In fact, you got number one written all over you. That's why mom always treated

you so special.

Treated me special?

All I ever heard was Benson this and Benson that.

Let her tell it. You're the ninth wonder of the world.

Well, all I ever heard was, Russell's doing great in school. Russell graduated

at the top of his class.

Russell's the biggest dentist in Phoenix.

Mama said that about me?

Yeah.

Did she really say I was the ninth wonder of the world?

No, actually, she said you were the first. I knocked you down eight places.

Well,

Russell, it was worth it.

Just to see how you turned out, man.

Thanks.

Thanks for making everything possible.

You left something over here the other night.

Yeah, I got out here in a hurry, didn't I? Yeah, you sure did.

There.

You sure you don't want to keep it?

No, I... You put it in the kid's college fund.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

It's no good.

You don't think I'd keep this kind of money in a checking account.

No, I'd invest it. Let it work for me.

So, you finally learned what to do with money.

What do you mean, finally learned what to do with money? I've always known what

to do with money.

Since when?

When I was 11 years old, I saved up all those quarters you gave me until I got

enough to buy a bicycle. 35 bucks.

Who'd you buy the bike from?

You.

You cheated me. That bike wasn't worth 35 bucks. This check ain't worth a dime,

so we're even.

I better call the airport and cancel my reservation. Why?

I'm staying the weekend. I haven't asked you to stay, Russell. Oh, you want me

to stay. The hell I do. Get away from that phone.

I'll give you a quarter. No, two dollars.

Oh, Denise.

The committee approved the tax proposal, so we're going to need some copies for

the printing office.

This won't take long, Benson. What do you think? Is it the right length? The

bottom's fine, but I can still see her face at the top. Oh, no!

What an insult, Benson. I have had it up to here.

I'm glad I didn't see it up to there.

That's it.

I hope it's the right length.

It's good enough for Krause. Oh, shut up, Benson.

I'm sure it's fine, Denise.

I'll go in my room or change.

She keeps saying that, but she always comes back the same.

He knows that.