Original subtitles

Oh, Benson, it's 10 .30. You had a 9 o 'clock television interview with Dirk

Norvac. Traffic was bumper to bumper on the expressway. And you were stuck in

the middle of it? No, I was the cause of it. My car broke down.

Oh, so you finally decided to grace us with your presence, huh? Pete, I'm

I have car trouble.

Sorry, it took me three weeks of begging to get Novak to do this interview, then

you don't even show up. Pete, I pushed the car as fast as I could.

You make me look like an idiot.

I'll call Novak and apologize.

I already apologized for you. He laughed in your face.

You mean he laughed in your face and you're pushing it off on me?

Why should my face take the abuse? I was on time.

Why is this television equipment still in my office? I sold Dirk on doing the

interview later this afternoon.

He'll be in about two o 'clock. Why didn't he just wait? He had a hair

appointment. Hair appointment?

The guy's a real jerk.

Well, whatever time he can get back, I'll be here. Okay, I'll see you about 2

'clock.

What is this?

Hi, there.

You got my faucet. I was using your phone. I'm sorry.

Who are you? The plumber, Vincent Romaine.

Oh, I'm sorry. That pipe grease gets all over everything. Here, use my... Thanks

anyway, no.

Is there a problem with the plumbing?

Only if you want to run water through it.

There's a leak somewhere. I'll try to stay out of your way.

That's something I've got to talk to you about.

Sir, I got stuck on the expressway. It'll never happen again.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to bother you. I've got to go to the truck.

It's about that reapportionment thing. It's a standstill. I can't even get the

various parties together for a talk.

Why don't you invite them all to dinner? Never heard of a politician yet turning

down a free meal.

That's a good idea.

I'll have it on Monday for lunch.

Oh, it isn't getting Miss Krause very much notice.

Oh, she won't mind at all, sir.

There'll be about 20 people.

Krause enjoys the challenge. The more, the merrier. Oh, well, then will you

her? Me?

I'd do it. But Sergeant Chapman's waiting for me, and he's already in a

mood. Then let him tell Krause.

Don't forget we have that meeting with the Public Utilities Commission this

afternoon. Is that today?

Yeah, two o 'clock.

Oh, no. I promised Pete that I'd do that television interview at two o 'clock.

Denise! Sir! I asked you to remind me the first thing in the morning about

Public Utilities Commission meeting.

You weren't here first thing in the morning. I know. I was on the expressway

trying to figure out if I could use my tie for a fan belt.

Pete and tell him I can't do the interviewer, too. Oh, and I have to send

to Krause. Oh, I'll get my pad. Find Pete first. Oh, okay.

Well, let me bother you. I'm just coming back from the truck.

Nice of you to keep me informed.

Denise?

Denise, would you get that quick?

She's not here.

All right, I'll take the message.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Good. Goodbye.

A guy named Dwayne called.

Your kung fu class is canceled. Your instructor's been deported.

Oh, poor old Ben Locke.

Where were you? You told me to find Pete. Did you? No, but something else

come up. Call the press room. Let me talk to him when you get him. Yeah, but

haven't called... What's that?

trying to tell you we're having a fire drill.

Don't anybody panic! I've got a fire extinguisher in the truck!

Aren't you coming?

Sure, why not? Maybe I can get some work done in the parking lot.

Read me the last thing I gave you.

Now, this should be taken into account when considering utility rate increases.

I wonder if there's any chicken in this chicken salad. Wait a minute, wait a

minute.

that looks like it doesn't belong.

Stuff like chickens, huh? Yeah, and the part about the blankety -blank plumber.

Okay, why don't you go type that up, and let me finish my lunch. Did you send

that memo to Krause about the luncheon on Monday? Yes. Okay.

Oh! Oh,

no!

I spent four hours on this chart.

Just let me do it. Nice work.

You got soup all over everything.

got soup all over everything. I wanted to clean it up. You've done enough

already. Look at this. My total population chart is a noodle followed by

zeros.

Gee, you're really a prince to work for.

Benson, may I bother you for a moment?

Is it your turn?

What's all this?

I take baby pictures in my spare time.

You know, I've always admired your wit. And I've always admired how you can turn

on a charm when you want something.

May I speak to you in confidence?

Clayton, I don't have much time here. I've got chicken noodle soup all over my

population charts.

But this won't take very long. As you know, the governor will soon be choosing

running mate for the next election.

So? So, what I am about to tell you is strictly between you and me.

Who was that?

One of our plumbers.

He's fixing my bathroom.

Oh, good.

Well, anyway, as regards my candidacy... Wait, wait, wait.

Your candidacy?

For lieutenant governor, I'd like to be on that ticket with Gene Gatling.

Well, why tell me? Why not tell Gene Gatling? Because I want you to suggest

idea. Let me get this straight. You want me to support you. No, not me, the

person. Me, the candidate.

Hmm. Is you, the candidate, anything like you, the person?

I'm asking you to do this, Benson, because the governor listens to you.

The governor listens to everybody.

Don't be coy. You know he thinks very highly of you.

Oh, really? In that case, maybe I should be lieutenant governor.

Think about it, Benson.

Now, you don't have to give me an answer now. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to.

Please let me. Oh, all right.

No.

I don't even know why I bothered coming in here. I'll pursue this on my own.

If you can't support me, at least... Stay out of my way. I'll stay out of

way if you'll stay out of my office.

Here. It's all right, Denise. I already cleaned it up. This isn't to clean your

desk. This is a list of my complaints.

On a paper towel?

Well, I was in the ladies' room crying, and I decided to jot them down.

I'll be at my desk if you care to discuss them.

Hey, are you okay?

Yes.

Proud of yourself?

You want 20 people for lunch on Monday and you wait till Friday afternoon to

tell me? What are you trying to do, kill me?

Why, George, I think I've stumbled onto something.

Threatening me won't help, Benson.

Look, Kraus, it's the governor's luncheon, so go talk to him. I've got

deal with as it is.

All right, all right, I'll do it for the governor. But this is the last time.

Absolutely, positively. I'm a person, too, you know.

You keep saying that, but I have yet to see any proof.

I hear you.

Well, Governor Paul, he's waiting in the car.

You're late for the Public Utilities Commission meeting, Mr. Dubois.

Oh, Mr.

Dubois, is it? Look, Denise, you and I will get along just fine. and if you

try to be a little bit more careful.

By the way, the governor wants to add six more to Monday's guest list. Tell

Krause.

Hey, Benson, where are you going? Novak's on his way over here.

Uh, Pete, I'm sorry. The interview is off. I tried to get to you. You can't do

this. He had his hair done and everything.

Fine. I'll take him dancing.

He should file this chart with noodles and all.

What happened to my door?

The plumber cracked it with his toolbox. The glue is drying.

Hi, Benson.

Why, what are you doing down there?

I had a school project I wanted to show you. School project? What are you all

studying, guerrilla warfare?

No reptiles. He's not back here.

Just for the record, what kind of reptiles are we talking about here? A

snake. My science teacher says it's sick. She gave me permission to bring it

home to die.

Well, that was very thoughtful of her.

And you thought you'd bring it into my office without a cage.

What good would a cage do?

I could crawl right through the bars.

You were a city kid, right?

Yeah, a tough city kid.

We need to crawl out of here. Yeah, why don't you look in Denise's office?

You stepped on

it.

Well, not on purpose, Katie.

It's dead.

Well, it didn't have long to live anyway.

It was on its last legs.

It was an accident.

Save it. I'm with her.

I'll flush the deceit.

Well, thanks a lot, Benson.

For what? For stabbing me in the back?

The governor just mentioned Attorney General Hawkins as a possible running

You obviously told him I wasn't qualified for the job.

Clayton, I know you won't believe this, but the governor and I just spent two

hours together and your name didn't come up once.

Admit it, Benson. You've been trying to undermine me since the first day we met.

I've been trying to understand you since the first day we met.

What is this stupid memo? Now you've won 26 people for... lunch? You'll have to

take a number, Krauss.

Clayton is still working me over.

Hanson, what did you say to Katie that upset her so? Oh, he probably told her

she wasn't qualified to be your daughter. She's in the kitchen crying.

He's had me in the kitchen crying all day. He acts like he never spilled soup

his whole life.

And at the hearing, he snapped at Commissioner Gordon. You can't be

you all mind if I say something?

Well... Bill Benson Novak just hung you out to dry. He told his television

audience that the reason the budget is in trouble is because you're never in

your office. He called you an irresponsible boob. Well, that's just

I've got some guy on TV calling me names. I've got chicken noodle soup all

my population charts.

I've got a dead reptile in the bathroom and you people ganging up on me in my

own office. Well, that's just terrific. Thank you very much. Go ahead, get your

kicks, but you can do it without me. Goodbye.

says I should talk to you before you leave for the weekend.

Katie, I think I owe you an apology.

I think you owe me a snake.

Look, all I can say is I'm sorry.

Me too.

I should have kept the snake in my pocket.

Forget about it, Katie. You just caught me at a bad time.

Lately, it seems like any time's a bad time.

Well, I got a lot on my mind.

You want to talk about it?

No, no, no. I think I can handle it.

Look, I'll come over in the morning, and we'll go shopping for a new snake.

Really? Yeah, really.

Then can we get snow cones? You got it. My treat.

How'd it go with Katie?

Fine, sir. Did it all work out?

Uh -huh. Good, then let's get the rest worked out. Everybody's in the living

room.

Well, I don't know what you hope to accomplish by this. Benson, when the

isn't playing together, the coach calls a meeting.

Just when I need a chalk talk by the gipper.

All right.

and lets everybody sit down. Well, I certainly have better things to do with

Friday evenings than to stand around waiting for Benson.

Well, you're lucky he showed up at all.

There's something else I need. The two stooges.

To think I once admired his wit. I once admired his punctuality. Knock it off.

This is why we have wars.

Men can't get along with each other.

Krauss, if you have something to say, say it out loud.

Put it in a sock, Benson.

All right, all right. Now we can all see that we have a problem.

Well, now that we've seen it, can we go home?

Can I say something?

Sure. As long as we're discussing problems.

We're out of paper towels in the ladies' room.

No, Denise.

I mean, what happened with Benson this afternoon?

Yeah, he went nuts.

Oh, it's not just Benson.

We've all been under a lot of stress, and we're overreacting.

Working so closely together can naturally bring on interpersonal

Not to mention fisticuffs.

I've seen it before when I was in the Navy, and we'd spend long periods of

at sea.

Are you telling us we're all seasick?

Would you let the man finish?

To ease tensions, we'd have what we call bull sessions, sort of group therapy.

No, wait a minute, wait a minute. This must be approached in a spirit of

friendship and complete honesty.

And while we're in this room, there is no rank.

I'm not the governor. I'm just Gene.

Everybody here is equal.

I don't want to be equal. I want to be free.

If we all cooperate, now this won't take very long.

Please sit down.

Well, when I was in a sorority, we used to have bull sessions. We'd all sit

around the floor in our jammies.

Good, I'll go home and get my booties.

Hudson? Anyway, we'd always talk about boys.

Well, the other girls did. I mostly listened.

I heard a lot of things I still haven't figured out.

Like what? Maybe I can explain them.

This should be fascinating.

Minnie goes to Goofy for advice.

All right, all right. Now just calm down.

Now, what I want each of you to do is to be perfectly honest about your feelings

for each other. Say whatever comes into your mind.

Now, who wants to begin?

I. I'll start it.

You always do.

Benson has no respect for how hard my job is. And how does that make you feel?

Terrible. He makes me feel like an incompetent nincompoop. Benson, would

care to express your feelings about Miss Cross?

No, she summed it up pretty well.

See? Well, have you ever tried to understand Miss Cross's feelings, to get

inside her head?

I have a fear of large empty spaces.

And that's another thing. He is always insulting me.

Well, in all fairness, you insult him, too. It's sort of a game you play.

Yeah, yeah, well, but sometimes I think he's serious.

Are you, Bunsen?

Sometimes.

I'd like to say something here.

A lot of times, people make me feel neglected, treated as if I don't exist.

Oh, I'm sorry, P. What was that?

Forget it.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but the concept of this group coping with my

stress is causing me a great deal of stress.

Well, then why don't you get out of here so we can talk about it?

What would be so unique about that?

I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time I've been the target of your petty

nightmare.

And if you keep this up, it won't be the last.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Oh, I don't like these kind of confrontations. Can't we just discuss

other's good points?

Yes, like these goodies you laid on me this morning. All right, we're at it.

What does it say?

Unforgiving, sarcastic, and something here I can't even make out.

Demanding. Oh, this is demanding?

You try writing with an eyebrow pencil.

I'm just learning to write with a noodle.

Don't you know the meaning of the words forgive and forget?

Yeah, come on, Betchen, lay off her. Yeah.

Who asked you to butt in?

Oh, that's rich. Coming from someone who ruined my career by butting in. That's

it. Tell it like it is.

I don't have to listen anymore. Neither do I. But everybody else... No, wait.

Hold it. Hold it.

Nobody leaves this room until we're all friends again. I don't care if it takes

all night.

Well, it's like an old buddy, old bean, old chap. Oh, no. You don't fool me.

Come on back here. We're going to thrash this thing out.

Now, everybody sit down.

All right.

Who wants to begin?

And then when I was a senior in high school, Stephen Del Vecchio borrowed my

to take somebody else to the prom.

Come on, Denise.

You've been talking for 20 minutes.

It's the same thing over and over again.

Why does everybody treat me like a space cadet?

Oh, I'm the one they always think's a space cadet.

Truth is, I just work things out a little differently than most people.

Well, sir, sometimes you do lose track of the subject at hand.

I do?

I'm afraid I have to agree with Clayton, sir. You do?

About what?

Governor, it's after one in the morning. Can't we wrap this up?

All right.

Now, we have aired our grievances. Now, let's say something nice about somebody.

Miss Krause, you start.

Why me?

Well, you were quick enough to start the bad stuff.

That was easy.

Miss Cross, please, you start. Say something nice about Benson.

You better come back to me.

Well, Pete, you start.

I have something nice to say. Oh, good.

It's about Denise.

Oh, really?

I think you're very sexy.

Oh, Pete.

What a sweet thing to say.

Would you two care to be alone?

Okay, now you say something.

All right.

Governor, I enjoy working with you.

Oh, thank you, Denise.

I have something else.

Benson, I'm proud to be your secretary.

And if I had known you had a thing about soup, I'd have had a sandwich.

That's all right, Denise.

All right, I'd like to speak.

realize not everyone has the eye for perfection that I have, and I admit

are times I allow this to irritate me, but I do feel that I have the strength

character to rise above it, and in the interests of harmony, I will.

Did he say something nice about somebody?

Yeah, himself.

What I'm trying to say is because of my background and upbringing, I've never

been one of the guys.

Well, you're not one of the girls.

I'm not one of the guys, because I choose not to be. Very early in life, I

accustomed to being an outsider, and this is often misinterpreted. I...

I don't dislike any of you. It's just that I'm...

stuck up.

All right, I'm ready.

Benson.

I am very touched by the love you show for Katie.

I think it is a sign of how you really feel about people.

Why, Miss Cross, what a lovely thought.

Well, I guess that leaves me.

Stomped, Bernson?

No, no, not really.

I think the fact that we can all sit down like this for six hours and work

our problems shows how much we all care about getting the job done.

And if sometimes I'm a little bit too sarcastic, it's only because that's my

of handling my own insecurities.

Like Clayton says, we're all different.

But the fact that we can come together despite our differences and respect each

other makes me proud to be one of you.

Well, folks.

I don't know. See, maybe we've come to a little more understanding of each

other. And I don't know how you feel, but I feel pretty good.

I feel better at home.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You know what we should all do now?

What? Hug each other. Oh, come on.

No,

I think she's right.

Let's move these tables back.

And walk two lines here.

Like this. Now, everybody hug the person across from them. All right.

Now, everybody move down one.

And hug.

All right.

And everybody move down one. And hug.

Everybody move down one.

Benson, Clayton, couldn't we just shake hands?

Nobody leaves this room until you two hug.

All right. All right.

Who

are

you calling?

Taxi. I'll take you home.

Hey, maybe we should hug one more time.

The session is over.

She's crazy about me.

Well, I'm going to bed. I'm all worn out.

And I bet it's hard to get replacement parts.

I'm sorry, Governor. I couldn't resist.

He was only kidding, Miss Krause. He meant it affectionately.

Yeah, well, I love him, too.

Listen, thank you guys for your cooperation. I think the evening was

valuable. Good night. Have a good weekend. Well,

I'm glad that's over with.

Me too.

It wasn't that bad.

You know, for the first time, I saw the human being in you.

Huh? This human being.

Do you think you could support him for lieutenant governor?

Maybe. If I ever see him again.

Good night.

Ah, Clayton. Yes?

I was only serious.