Original subtitles

Morning, Krauss. You're looking bright and chipper today.

How's it going, huh?

Knock it off, Benson. I have no time for chit -chat.

I have no time for anything now that I am Director of Household Affairs.

Oh, come on, Krauss.

It's not that tough. I did that job for two years.

Yeah, but I am doing it right.

Also, I'm head housekeeper. I have to wear two hats.

I hope they both come with veils.

Oh, Pete, I don't see any reason to bring a photographer to Washington.

Yeah, but then we won't get any pictures of you, Benson, and Clayton at the

hearings. Oh, I don't mind. Do you, Benson? I certainly don't. I already

picture of Clayton.

He gave it to me last Christmas. Oh, yeah, in his yachting outfit.

Yeah, I kept it framed.

Is that what he gave everyone? You know, I never opened mine. I just switched

name tags and gave it to my accountant.

I guess that explains why I'm being audited this year.

Benson, have you finished that report for the finance committee?

Almost, sir, and I think we're going to make a convincing argument for those

matching funds.

Well, I hope so, but as the president once said, Washington is a top town.

Which president was that?

Lee Iacocca.

Morning, everybody.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetheart.

Miss Krause, can you help me later? I'm not sure what to pack for Washington.

Walking shoes.

You and I are going to do a lot of sightseeing. You looking forward to it,

honey? You bet. Now I'll see Washington before I become cynical about government

and bureaucracy.

Well, if we're leaving tonight, I'd better finish packing.

I am already packed.

I can't wait to go to the space museum. I want to see those moon rocks.

Why? Homesick?

Flayton, we've already been through all that.

I realize that, sir, but I do feel that Mr. Foster makes a very convincing

argument. Thank you. And providing tax breaks for his company will encourage

industry. It will create new jobs.

I looked into that, Clayton. The state still loses more than it gains.

I'm sorry we can't help you, Mr. Foster.

Fortunately,

Benson does not have the last word.

Clayton's right.

I'm sorry, too, Mr. Foster.

No problem, gentlemen, and thank you. Thank you all for seeing me.

I hope you don't take this rejection personally, Mr. Foster.

I always take rejection personally.

Benson, you have no comprehension of the fundamentals of big business, and your

attitude is intolerable. Whenever I take one position, you take the opposite.

Like when I'm right and you're wrong?

Case in point, if I say black, you'd say white.

Depends. Are you talking formal wear or family portraits?

You are impossible. Do you realize what you've just done in here? My job.

Oh, making me look like a fool is your job. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Being

director is my job. Making you look like a fool is my pleasure.

Come in.

Oh, I'm glad you heard me knocking.

Well, if you wanted me to hear you, Denise, why don't you knock louder? I

want to disturb you.

I have the tax projections you wanted. That's terrific. Thank you. You're

welcome.

Anything else?

I think so.

Otherwise, I probably would have left by now.

to see you, but he doesn't have an appointment.

What's his name?

Agent something. He flashed his badge too fast. Agent?

Uh -huh. His badge number is 0477825.

Offhand, it doesn't ring a bell. Better send him in.

Oh, you can come in now.

Mr. Dubois, this is Mr... The name is Smythe with an E.

Wouldn't that be Smith?

That'll be all, Denise. Thank you.

FBI, Benson. I'll get right down to business.

Benson, your country needs you. Uh -oh.

Last time I heard that, I wound up in Korea.

We know.

Now, did you have a meeting this morning in the governor's office with a Randall

Foster? Yes, I did. I know.

If you knew, why'd you ask?

I wasn't asking. I was confirming. I go by the book, Benson. Are we almost at

the chapter where I find out why you're here?

I'm here because we want you to take a bribe.

You want me to do what?

We think Randall Foster is going to offer you a bribe. What makes you think

it'll be me?

You control the purse strings.

Well, gee, I'd love to help you, Mr.

Smythe, but, uh, unfortunately, I'm going to Washington tonight.

Well, if we need you, can we count on your cooperation?

Well, I don't know. I, uh... Wait!

We'll contact you in Washington. You'll be staying at the Hotel Brisbane. Oh, by

the way, you'll be in room 636.

I will?

I know things about you, Benson, that even you don't know. What's my favorite

color? Red.

You're right. I didn't know that.

Now, these itineraries include a second day of hearings, should they be deemed

necessary. Boy, what a town, huh?

You know, no matter how many times I come to Washington, I still get

seeing the monuments lit up at night.

It's a miniature golf course.

I wondered about that windmill.

Well, I guess I'll go check out the bar.

Hotel's having an ERA convention.

You never know.

It's a very full schedule, Clayton. Yes, it is, sir. And first thing in the

morning, I will make the formal proposal to the finance committee.

A bit of a rhetorical tour de force, if I do say so myself.

And then I'll hand it over to Benson with his little graphs and charts.

Clayton, my meeting with the president isn't on this itinerary. Oh, not to

worry, sir.

I have a friend at the White House.

I knew you had one somewhere.

Sir, did you get a chance to read my presentation?

Once, and I wanted to reread it tonight, but I forgot my socks.

Read it barefoot.

No, no, you don't understand. I put my socks on top of your presentation when I

was back.

And I wouldn't have forgotten the presentation if I hadn't forgotten my

But I did. So do you have an extra one?

Sock?

No, no, no. I mean the presentation.

Ah, ha, yeah.

I know it's been a long day.

Try to keep up. Okay.

I'll see if there's an extra copy. Thank you. Oh, and Benson, by the way, while

you're at it... I'll bring you a pair of socks.

Evening, Benson.

Smythe, what are you doing here?

I'm your roommate.

Roommate? Yes, we must stay in contact.

Couldn't we just leave messages at the desk?

Benson, we're set up to film you taking the bribe. In the closet.

You don't understand. I need that wall.

I'll have it mailed to you in the morning.

Look, Benson, let me show you.

I have a camera set up in here to shoot through a two -way mirror into the

governor's suite.

That's where you will accept the bribe.

Let me tell you what's going to happen. No, let me tell you what's going to

happen. I'm not sharing my room with a guy from the FBI.

Okay, great. I'll just call the whole thing off.

I'm not going to tell you how long we've been after Foster or how much of the

taxpayers' money's gone down the drain just because you're too busy to help.

Okay, okay. Stop bellyaching. Which bed do you want? I'll take that one.

I'll see you later.

The governor's waiting for me. I know. Just a second. What now, Smith?

You forgot the socks.

Take a pair of mine.

Hi. Here you are, sir. One report and one pair of socks.

Oh, red. My favorite color. Yours, too, huh?

Listen, Benson, if I have a question about this report, is your room nearby?

Yes, sir. Right next door. Oh, but call first.

I may be taking a bath or something.

Good night, Benson. Good night.

Benson?

Clayton?

What is it, Clayton?

Well, sir, I was in my room. I heard a key in the lock, and who should walk in

but Peter?

Well, naturally, I asked him how he got a key to my room. Do you know what he

said? That it was his room, too.

Yes, how did you know? Well, I arranged it. You see, with Katie and Miss Cross

coming, I had to make space somehow.

Oh, but, sir, the man is impossible.

I mean, he thinks he's discovered some sort of magical scent by wearing old

spice and aqua velvet at the same time.

He stands in front of the mirror.

flashing it on, singing, yo -ho, yo -ho.

Well, Clayton, it's just the way things worked out. It could just as easily have

been Bentham.

Me and Bentham? No, Pete and Bentham.

Aha, now that's a much more sensible arrangement.

I'll talk to Bentham right away.

I

don't

know how I get myself in these things.

Really, Benson, the plan is quite simple.

Who is it?

Quentin, open the door. I need a favor.

You got the wrong room.

This is important.

Yeah? I was wondering, how would you like to share your room with Peter?

Where is he now? He's in my room. I like that better.

All right, back to the plan.

First, Foster makes contact to test the waters. You let him know that you're for

sale. I'll film the whole deal when he comes back for the payoff.

What could be easier?

He could mail me a check.

I think Foster might make contact at any time now.

Good. Till he does, I'll go back to my disguise as mild -mannered budget

director. Very good.

I'll be in the bathroom.

That's it.

I've got a problem. I just found out I'm sharing a room with Clayton. So?

Well, suppose I get lucky tonight.

Nobody's luck changes that fast.

But suppose... I mean, it happened once before.

Could I use your room? Pete, I've got work to do.

You son of a gun!

You don't waste any time, do you?

Oh, hey, let me ask you a question. What kind of aftershave do you use?

It's got nothing to do. Come on, don't apologize. I'm impressed.

I

wasn't here.

This never happened.

Listen, call the housekeeper and get your John fixed.

Last time he came with his four kids.

Well, you got to admit, it looked a little... Pete, forget it. Not that I

really thought... Get out!

Pete, it's a good idea.

Has he gone?

My chap, he's in the bathroom.

Well, I can't stand out here in my underwear. What'll I do?

There's a linen closet down the hall. Will you come and get me when he leaves?

Trust me, baby, trust me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Foster.

The reason you couldn't reach me all day is because I was in front of the

finance committee all day.

Well, that does sound interesting.

Right. I'll be here.

He's on his way up from the lobby. Good. I'll pin on the microphone.

Now. You remember the plan?

What's the big deal? I let him know I'll take a bribe, we settle on a price, and

he comes back later with the money.

Boy, you're quick.

I'm going to have to test the microphone.

I'm going to want you to say something as soon as I put my headset on.

Like what?

Like anything.

That's good.

Thank you.

Now, make sure he says the money is in exchange for your support.

I will.

Would you get in there? Foster will be here any second.

Now, the governor's going out to dinner with Senator Markham, so his suite will

be free. Arrange to meet Foster there at 8 o 'clock so I can film the payoff.

Fine. Get in the closet.

Mr. Foster, nice to see you. Well, it's nice to see you, too.

Are we alone?

No, there's an FBI guy in the closet.

I like a man with a sense of humor. I like a man with a large bank account.

Well, you certainly don't beat around the bush. Tell me, what would you say to

this number?

I could live with that.

A long time.

Then we have an agreement. Later on tonight, I'll bring you an envelope.

I have an envelope. I'd rather have the money.

You'll get the money.

All I have to do is get the governor to support your proposal.

Exactly.

Now, I'll be back here at, shall we say, 9 o 'clock.

No, not here. I promised a fellow that he could use this room.

Let's make it next door to Governor's Suite at 8. Of course.

I'll see you at 8. Oh.

One more thing, Mr. Foster. There'll be an FBI guy there taking pictures. You

might want to...

Aren't you cutting it kind of close? Foster will be here any minute. I just

to go over this one more time.

Now, when you accept the bribe, you must be seated here.

The camera is located behind this mirror, focused on that gold chair. If

anywhere else in the room, you will be out of the view of the camera. Now,

do you sit?

In the gold chair.

Opposite. The mirror, fool!

Will you get behind that with the camera?

Okay. Just relax, Benson.

I've been at this a long time. I know what I'm doing. Then why haven't you

caught Foster?

Laughter.

No rhythm.

Good evening, Benton. How are you tonight?

Can we get this over with?

No problem. I can certainly understand why you'd want to complete this

transaction quickly.

Whatever you do, don't move.

What? There's a bee on your head.

No, and don't tell him.

Benson, what am I doing in your room?

Oh, this is your room, sir.

Oh, hello, Mr. Foster. Governor, aren't you supposed to be having dinner with

Senator Markham? Oh, no, I canceled. I had a little jet lag, so I thought a nap

would help. Well, that's exactly where you should be, sir, in bed.

Well, what about you and Mr. Foster? Oh, we aren't tired, sir.

But, Benson, if this is my room, why are you in it?

There's somebody at the door, sir.

Hello, Benson. Is the governor here?

Oh, Miss Krause, is anything wrong? No, no, Governor.

Katie was wondering if you would tuck her in. Sure he will. Oh, I'm not really

dressed for it. Oh, it doesn't matter, sir. It's just down the hall. Why don't

you tell her that story about the time you fried the egg on the sidewalk?

Oh, that takes so long. You have to start with the chicken. Yeah, well, the

whole idea is to put her to sleep.

Good night,

Krause.

Oh, wait, wait a minute, for goodness sake. What, don't you want to be with

people? I want you to meet someone.

Foster Kraus, Kraus Foster.

How do you do, Mr. Foster?

Well, are you going to hang around all night, Kraus?

You invited me in. And now I'm inviting you out.

You're inviting me out?

Thanks anyway, Benson. But I'd rather go back to the room and do my laundry.

Okay, Foster, the envelope.

Look, maybe I'd better come back later.

No, don't worry. Whoever it is, I'll get rid of him.

How you doing there, Benson?

Hey, come on in.

I just wanted the governor to say hello to a good friend of mine here.

We just met in the lobby.

Is he here? No, the governor isn't here. Oh, well, that's okay. You'll do.

Dorothy, one of the great guys I work with.

Benson, I'd like you to meet... Get out!

Huh? Get out!

Well, I just said I was on the staff. I didn't say they liked me.

And where is the governor?

He's not here. Well, tell him we should be hearing from the White House any

moment now. We certainly will. Mr. Foster?

Oh, Clayton.

Well, what a surprise.

I hope this indicates that we're buying your company's proposal.

It's bought but not paid for.

Begson, would you get that?

What if it's the White House? Oh, I'd better get it.

Governor Sweet?

Yes, put it right through. It's the White House switchboard. Yes, I'll hold.

Come on, Foster, the envelope.

What about him? Don't worry about him.

A message?

Just a moment. I need something to write on.

Oh, thank you.

8 .30, exactly. Is that it?

Yes, we'll be sure to keep the line open. Thank you.

The president's calling at 8 .30. I've got to find the governor. Clayton,

Clayton. What? That envelope.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's not mine. It's his.

What exactly is going on here?

You won't believe it, sir.

I know I don't.

The president will be calling any minute.

I'm surprised he didn't come over here in person.

That might be him now.

Hello? Yes, this is Governor Gatling, sweet. Yes, he is. Hold on, please. Uh,

Foster, Foster, give me money. Wait a minute.

Give me money, man.

Sir, the president is waiting.

Oh, hello.

Uh, yes, yes, this is Governor Gatling. Oh, hello, Mr.

President.

Oh, yes, well, I would like to discuss it in person, but please... Do you want

to buy my support or don't you?

All right, here, take it.

Sir, am I wrong?

Or did you just hang up on the president of the United States of America?

I can't believe what I just saw.

All right, Foster, hold it right there.

You're under arrest for attempted bribery.

I seem to have the wrong room. Does anyone know where the Johnson wedding

matter. I'll find it.

Benson, you just took a bribe. No, sir. A legal one. I'm working with the FBI.

Nice work, Benson. We got Foster.

Not exactly.

Wilkins, special prosecutor's office.

Not again.

What do you mean, not again?

Well, this sort of thing happens from time to time.

You mean you're working with the special prosecutor's office? That's right. I'm

working undercover to expose corruption in government. Sorry, Benson.

Sorry.

I did this whole thing for nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Look, don't you ever check with your department? Don't you ever check with

yours?

Hello?

Oh, yes, Mr.

President. No, we weren't exactly disconnected.

I hung up on you.

Well, you see, there was some confusion about an FBI agent, and frankly, I'm not

entirely clear about it myself.

Could you hang on just a minute?

Mr. Dubois, my budget record can explain it to you. Go ahead, Benson. It's

impossible.

Hello, Mr. President.

Yes, this is Mr. Dubois, the state budget director.

Well, thank you. I think you're doing a fine job, too.

Of course, I don't agree with all of your programs.

Which ones?

Well, you got a couple of minutes?

And so basically, Mr. President, it was just a mix -up between the prosecutor's

office and the FBI.

Yeah. That reminds you of a what?

Oh, yes, yes.

I'd love to hear that story.

Oh,

yes, Mr. President, I'm listening.

Agent Smythe explained everything.

Benson, what are you doing?

Doesn't he realize the president might be trying to call back? I'm sorry,

we have to keep this line open for an important call.

But, Clayton... Not that it's any of your business, but this happens to be

governor's chief of staff, Clayton Endicott III.

Governor, why does everybody keep hanging up on the president?