Original subtitles

Now, Krauss, what is this bill for?

$34 .10. I can see that, sweetheart. What did we buy?

A new tea kettle.

A new tea kettle for $34 .10?

It whistles.

For $34, it ought to sing and dance.

Oh, it isn't a new idea, Katie. We had government day when I was in school. I

remember one year we put on a little skit, and I played the Bill of Rights.

I had a wonderful opening line. Hi, I'm Bill.

Bill of Rights, get it? Yeah, I got it, but I don't know what to do with it.

And I named my ten amendments.

They'd step forward and speak for themselves.

And I remember there was one little red -headed amendment.

Oh, boy, did I have a crush on her.

Now I can't even remember which amendment she was.

my question, Daddy. Are you going to be our guest speaker or not?

Honey, I think I'm free that day, but I'd better check with Marcy. I already

checked. You're free.

Oh, good.

Then tell your class I'd be honored to be there.

Great. You'll be a much bigger hit than the fraud Jimmy Fisher bought him for

biology day.

Oh, that's a tough act to follow.

Did you have government day when you were in school, Crass? When I was in

school, every day was government day.

How about you?

Well, the only thing I remember is Independent Study Day.

What was that?

Well, that was the day you could study anything you wanted to, so I'd go off on

my own to see a movie about an historical figure.

Who? Zorro.

Don't you learn something from that?

You better believe it. When my mother found out, I learned never to do it

You're out of coffee over here, Krauss. I know. I took the last cup.

Do you have any plans to replace it?

Well, I have finished my breakfast.

Enough time to eat around here. Klaus, do this.

Klaus, do that. And the longer you bother me, the longer it will take.

If you want coffee... I know, make it myself.

What's the matter?

What is wrong? Hold it. Hold on, hold it, hold it. Wait a minute, let me see

my...

from the jaws of death, huh? I lost my head, okay?

Come on, you're a hero. Enjoy it.

I've always wanted to be a hero, but I never get the chance.

Next time Kraus chokes, I'll buzz you.

Closest I ever came was Janine's cat.

It fell in a swimming pool.

I pulled it out, and then I realized I'd have to give it mouth to mouth, so I

threw it back in.

You threw it back in?

Yeah, he was just faking. Jumped right out again.

Mean sucker.

By the way, what did Miss Krause choke on? One of them donuts.

You did it once, you can do it again.

Hi, Benson. Is Miss Krause back from the hospital yet?

Hospital? I thought she was all right.

She is, Pete. But she got hurt when Benson gave her that hug.

Katie, please don't call it a hug.

It was a Heimlich maneuver.

Does it only work on Germans?

When your number's up, your number's up.

Katie, I'm glad you're here. I want to talk to you. Clayton, are you sure you

can't reschedule that hearing?

Oh, sir, the date is set, and we do not want to cross Senator Riley. He's

sitting on your freshwater hatcheries bill.

Whatever gets you through the night.

So, Governor, may I confirm with Senator Riley? Just a minute, Clayton.

Honey, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I won't be able to talk to your class on

Government Day.

But I told everyone you'd be there.

It's a matter of priorities, Katie.

We can't be in two places at once.

Why not? There are two of you.

Well, Benson has a point. Why don't you go in my place?

Governor, surely you're not serious, are you?

Are you, Daddy?

Sir, I've never been able to hit it off with children.

Your batting average ain't that high with adults.

Oh, that's silly, Clayton. You'll do fine.

Sir, it's not silly. Children hate me. Ask Katie.

I don't hate you, Clayton.

Good. That's subtle.

Great idea you came up with, Benson. Thanks a lot.

Now, don't worry, Katie.

Clayton will do a good job of explaining the government.

Yeah, but how do I explain Clayton?

Miss Krause, how are you?

She's fine, honey. She's just not quite ready for a hug yet.

Yeah, I'm still trying to recover from the last one.

I owe one to you, okay?

It's a deal, Liebchen.

Catch you later. Okay.

Gee, Krause, I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be sorry, Benson. You saved my life.

That's what I mean.

Oh!

I have a contusion of the rib.

Really? I did that?

Yeah, that's all right. It's only a bruise.

Well, evidently, it's not that unusual. The doctor says he often sees her with a

Heimlich maneuver.

But it's okay, Benson.

I owe you everything.

You owe me nothing.

I owe you my life.

That's nothing.

I asked you not to do that.

I've got to get back to work.

Okay, Marcy, thanks for everything. You're welcome. Now, you take it easy,

Gretchen, and in no time at all you'll be as good as new. New wasn't all that

good.

Oh, you did it again, you rascal. I want to make a cup of tea. No, you're not.

I'm going to make it for you.

Crouse, you're in pain.

And thanks to you, I'm alive to feel it.

Okay, that's it. Go to bed. Forget the tea.

All right.

But when I'm feeling better, I'm going to make you tea until it's coming out

your ears.

I hardly wait.

Kraus! I'm fine. I'm perfect.

I'm perfect in this.

I hear you.

But it's okay.

Marcy, where are those time sheets?

I just gave them to Gretchen.

What's she want with them? To give them to you? She wanted to save you the trip.

Oh, that woman's going to drive me crazy. Ever since she recovered, she

let me alone.

She bakes me cookies, irons my shirts, washes my car, and now she wants to feed

me breakfast in bed.

I think that's nice.

And my apartment.

Marcy, I need three copies of this. All right.

Well, well, well, Benson, I'm surprised to see you without Miss Kraut tagging

along behind.

So am I.

Maiden, I've been meaning to remind you about your appointment tomorrow morning.

No, Marcy, I just checked my calendar. I have no appointment tomorrow.

Oh, yes, you do.

Marcy, what are you... Katie's school.

I blocked it out.

You're scheduled to speak at ten.

Before you leave, stop by my desk. I'll give you milk money.

Benson, you got me into this. How do I get out?

Go over the wall during recess.

You're a big help.

I try to be.

Oh, Billy's going to be a huge hit with the kids. Yeah, right up there with flu

shots.

Oh, Benson, I found you.

Was I lost?

You left your sweat on the back of the chair. Don't you want it?

Well, Krause, if I'd have wanted it, I wouldn't have left it on the back of the

chair. Yeah, but there's a chill in the air. I wouldn't want my favorite person

coming down with anything. Of course, if you do, I'll nurse you back to health.

That ain't us.

No, thank you, Benson.

I can't take much more of this.

Well, just try to see it from her point of view. Wouldn't you feel obligated if

she saved you from choking?

I suppose so.

But unfortunately, I wasn't the one choking.

Hey,

that's not bad.

That's not bad.

The idea you gave me.

What idea?

I'm going to let Krauss repay me in full. Thank you, Marcy.

Anytime.

That's what I'm on my desk.

Nothing. I just cleaned it.

How did it look?

Like it belongs to someone else.

What is this?

Pillow for your chair.

Specially personalized.

And the W stands for Bentley.

It stands for Wednesday.

I make one for every day of the week.

Now, can I help you with something? Or did you just come in here to complain?

Which is okay.

I came over here to get something to eat.

Oh, what would you like?

Do I smell strudel? Yeah, I just baked it.

Your famous strudel? Yeah, but you hate my famous strudel. It has nuts.

Oh, no, I love your famous strudel, especially the nuts. Well, I'll get you

some. Heavy on the nuts.

Whatever Benson wants.

Benson gets.

Aren't you going to watch?

No, but if you want me to watch, I'll watch. I want you. to watch

is it good good

I thought you were Krauss, man.

So how do you feel now?

Fine. Yeah, feels pretty good to be alive, huh?

Well, frankly, Pete, I have nothing to compare it to.

It was a lucky thing I was there this morning, which is kind of what I want to

talk to you about. Okay, but keep it down. I don't want Krauss to find me.

here, let me read you something, okay?

Today, Pete Downey, press secretary to the governor, saved the life of a fellow

worker. I am writing you in hopes you'll recognize the heroic and courageous

actions of Mr. Downey, the man to whom I owe my life. Best regards, and here's

where you sign.

Pete, I can't sign that.

Come on, Benson, I got a shot at the Civilian Medal of Honor. I don't care

you've got a shot at. You didn't save my life.

Oh, Benson, just because I didn't break a rib.

I was pretending to choke so Krause could save me. I don't understand you,

Benson. Well, I figured if she thought she saved me, then she would stop trying

to repay me for saving her life.

Would you expect me to buy that? Come on, sign the letter. Pete, I'm not

that. Benson!

Oh, Benson!

I swear that woman's part bloodhound. You haven't seen me. Will you sign the

letter? No!

Pete, have you seen Benson?

Yeah, he went that way.

I

just

don't know what to do, sir.

I've tried treating Kraus nicely. I've tried treating her rotten, avoiding her.

Nothing works.

What am I going to do?

You know, this reminds me of a story.

I figured it would.

This might really be useful to you. See...

Back at the lumber mill, we had a foreman named Luke, and all Luke ever

about was retiring and spending all his time fishing.

Oh, he dreamed about his fishing. He collected flies and reels and spinners

funny little hats.

This is going to get to the youthful part soon.

So, the day finally came when Luke retired.

And before you knew it, he was out on the lake with a pole in his hand all

every day, seven days a week, weekend, week out.

And you know what happened?

No, I know what happened. He got so bored, he nearly went crazy.

He got too much of what he wanted.

Governor, you did have a point when you started this story.

That was it.

He decided to give up fishing.

And he lived happily ever after.

Well... Not exactly. As a matter of fact, on his way home from the lake, he

run over by a bus.

You see, that's useful.

How can we get Kraus under a bus?

No, Benson, the useful part was before that, if you let Miss Kraus do things

you, sooner or later she'll get bored with it. You mean let her get it out of

her sister? Exactly. Let her do anything she wants for you. I don't know, sir.

But my luck, this whole thing will backfire. If you open up that can of

with Kraus... I thought I heard voices in here. Good evening, Governor.

Miss Kraus?

Having trouble sleeping, Benson?

Can I warm your milk for you?

Well, yes, but why don't you let this cool first?

All right. While I'm waiting, I could rub your back.

Do whatever you want.

Hard to get parts.

Now, doesn't that feel good?

If you think that feels good, you should want to walk on your back.

I've been on my back for years.

I want to do whatever Benson wants me to do.

I would like... You know what I always forget to do is wind my watch.

I'll wind your watch for you every morning.

Self -winding. So? I'll shake your arm.

what my mom used to do with me when I was a kid. She'd roll my socks, and then

she'd turn the tops down so that the name tapes all faced the same direction.

Oh, that is so sweet.

I don't have name tapes on my socks.

You will tomorrow.

I can't tell you how grateful I am. No, I am the grateful one, Benson.

Thank you for letting me do things for you.

You know something? I think we should...

Celebrate tomorrow night with a special dinner. I am going to take you out to my

favorite restaurant.

My treat.

Well, good night, Benson.

Good night. You're going to bed and I'm stuck with going to dinner with Krauss?

I told you this wouldn't work. This whole thing was your idea.

Yeah, I guess I was wrong.

You win some.

Hello, son.

Hi,

Benson. How you doing?

You all ready for your big date with Gretchen?

This is not a date. I didn't ask her out. The governor got me into this.

just going to dinner.

Sounds like a date to me.

I don't care what it sounds like to you.

I've been on dates before, and believe me, I know the difference.

This is definitely not a date.

You had a good time anyway.

If I was going to have a good time, then that would be a date, you see.

Benson, your date will be ready in a minute. No, honey, this is not a date.

Miss Cross was just taking Benson to dinner.

Why isn't it a date?

You got me.

Benson, why don't you try to explain it to her?

Katie, how was government day?

Everything was fine.

Then Clayton showed up.

Didn't go too well, huh? Well, let's put it this way.

After Clayton left, my... class voted to abolish government day.

Well, good night, everybody.

Oh, Clayton, Katie was just telling us all about your lecture.

Really? You know, I must admit, the whole experience turned out to be far

agreeable than I originally anticipated.

And I suspect it was equally rewarding for the students.

Wasn't it, Katie?

Yeah, sure.

But you don't ask a ten -year -old to step outside.

Oh, late.

To talk to him? He questioned one of my facts, and I happen to be an authority

on dates.

It's not a date.

I beg your pardon?

Benson and Gretchen are going out. Oh.

Who cares?

Hey, Benson, where are you and Kraus going tonight?

She's taking them out to dinner.

I love women's lib.

They take you out, they pay for everything. You gonna use her car?

Pete. Huh? There's a great deal more to women's liberation than that.

Yeah, maybe from your point of view.

I am all ready.

Oh, Gretchen, you look beautiful. Thank you, Marcy. Thanks for your help. Yeah,

she does. Doesn't she, Gretchen? Yeah, she looks like. Come on, girl.

I wish I knew a liberated woman.

I wish I was invisible.

I'm going to show you a real good...

If I'm not back by ten o 'clock, pay the ransom.

Relax and enjoy yourself.

How can I relax?

I don't even know what you ordered me for dinner.

Trust me, it's a lip smacker.

Something we used to have back in Bavaria when I was a kid. It was only

for special occasions.

But, of course, this is a special occasion.

Charles, what did you order?

A surprise.

Everything on the menu is a surprise to me.

But that's half the fun of German food.

What's the other half? Beer and dribble glasses?

Oh, he is back.

Who? That big ox with the cigar.

Of course, of course, of course. That's so loud.

Why? That smoke is inexcusable.

Here you are.

Sorry I took so long. We had to send out for more schweinlippen.

But you did get them.

Yeah.

What exactly is this concoction?

Schweinlippen? Mm -hmm. That's pig's lips.

It's a sort of sausage.

Pig's lips wurscht. Mm -hmm.

I certainly couldn't get any wurscht.

I think I just lost my appetite.

Must have been something you said.

I said disgusting cigar smoke.

Krauss, be quiet.

Why, that obnoxious chimney doesn't care whose dinner he spoils. Now, sit here

just a minute, Krauss. Just relax.

Let me handle this, okay?

Uh, sir, we were just beginning our dinner.

So?

Could I ask you to extinguish your cigar?

No.

Well, that concludes my survey. Thank you.

That's the way you handle that sort of thing. You call that handling it,

Of course. Under the circumstances, I'm not going to mess with this man and his

cigar. You're right, Benson.

Thank you.

You're my date. I should handle it. What are you talking about?

Sit down.

Okay,

buster. Enough with the stinking cigar.

Says who?

Says us.

You'll like my cigar, lady.

We don't like it. Well, you see, we're not cigar smokers. Actually, Kraus

prefers a pinch between the cheek and the gum.

Well, I ain't putting it out.

That's what you think, fathead.

Kraus, Kraus. Benson, sit down and finish your dinner. I'll take care of

You'd better do what the lady says, Sonny. You better watch it.

Benson here may be quiet, but he really packs a volop. Oh.

Well, actually, I'm not packing my wallop this evening.

Why don't we sit down and enjoy our pig's lips?

I gotta do what I gotta do.

Now, are you going to put out that cigar or does somebody gonna do it for you?

Like who?

Listen, before this gets out of hand, why don't we take a moment of reflection

and see how dumb this really is?

The only thing that I can see that's dumb is a tall broad that talks with an

accent. Oh, fella, you're talking about my date.

Oh, I've been so... Some guy's just got no taste in women, mister.

Oh, I think I've just been pushed past the point of no return. Look out, crowd.

Neither am I.

Benson, I'm sorry.

I lost my head.

But I thought you were a goner.

So did I. The guy could have killed me. I know.

I can't believe it. You saved my life. You know what this means?

Even.

Even. Even.

See? Isn't this better?

Dutch treat?

You bet.