Original subtitles

Morning, Croft.

Good morning, Benson.

Cut!

You always do that. How many times do I have to tell you don't do that?

That is your desk. This is my kitchen table.

Dirty files do not go on my table. Food goes on my table. Have you got that

straight?

Next time you do it, I won't be so nice about it, buster.

Goodness, can I help you, Mrs.? I can handle it. Okay. So how's it going with

the cello, Katie?

Okay. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Catching up for what?

The recitals on Friday. I don't want to blow it. Yeah, you start blowing on a

cello, it sounds funny.

How'd you end up with a cello anyway?

I like the way it sounded.

That was before I heard me play it.

Bye. Bye, sweetie. Goodbye, Lipson.

Ah, Katie.

reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Well, with any luck, she'll outgrow it.

When I was a young girl, a couple of friends and I used to play concerts for

local townspeople.

Oh, we had a wonderful trio.

Bass drum, flugelhorn, and glockenspiel.

We used to take requests.

But you all kept on playing anyway.

Always wanted all the solos on her glockenspiel.

Here's the work schedule if you want it.

Ah, this is wrong.

I don't see a problem.

That's because you don't have a big date tomorrow.

My husband frowns on my dating. He's funny that way.

I was sure I had tomorrow off.

No, Aunt Gretchen has tomorrow off. You have the next day off. Just change your

date. I'd love to.

Unfortunately, these two hockey teams insist on having their playoff tomorrow.

Whether Linda and I show up or not.

I see.

Maybe Gretchen could help you out. Sure.

I'll take those tickets. I love hockey.

You know, I meant, since there's nothing special scheduled this week, maybe you

could switch days off with Benson.

Why would I want to do that?

To be nice.

You got a backup plan.

Now, I know Gretchen would be happy to switch days off with you if you'd just

a favor for her sometime.

Yeah, I could live with that.

You mean you'll switch days off with me? I don't see why not, but don't forget,

you owe me a...

I hear you.

Here you go, Marcy. Mail just came.

Oh, thanks, Benson. You didn't have to make a special trip.

I couldn't help myself.

Katie's practicing her cello in the kitchen.

Marcy, is the limousine here?

Yes, sir. Oh, good. Now, Clayton, here are all my notes so you shouldn't have

any trouble drafting the legislation for the bird bill.

Bird bill?

Yes, it's a new... Bird sanctuary, and I just call it the bird bill for short.

Catchy.

Oh, and Benson, you might want to take a look at the schedule for the

ambassador's visit. I've made some changes.

Sir. Now, don't waste time, Clayton. I've got to deliver that proposal to the

legislature Monday.

Well, I realize that, sir, but what about the luncheon? You're right. I'd

get going. No, sir.

I meant that I was planning to attend the luncheon with you. I didn't know you

were invited.

Well, the invitation was extended to you and a guest. I took the liberty of

accepting for both of us. No, Clayton, I'm afraid you can't go. You've got to

get moving on that bill. As it is, you've got three days' work and a day

half to do it. Oh, Marcy, did you clear my schedule for tomorrow evening? Yes,

sir. You're off there for Katie's recital. It starts at 7 .30. Hey, buddy.

Sir, if I could prevail upon you to reconsider it, after all, it would be a

shame to waste the extra ticket.

Oh, you're right. Pete, do you want to attend a luncheon with me?

Great, I'm starved.

That's absurd. You don't take Peter to a prestigious luncheon like that.

Clayton, there's nothing wrong with taking Pete.

Please. He could eat yesterday's lunch.

It's still on his tie.

Benson, did you see this letter?

The one where you win a house? We all got one. It's a personal letter, Benson.

Well, that's strange. It's not even addressed to the governor. It's

Mrs. Gatling.

Obviously, whoever wrote this doesn't know that the governor's a widower.

Maybe I should just send it back.

Well, you sure can't send it ahead.

Well,

I'm dying to know what it says.

Then read it. It's in German.

I know. We'll ask Gretchen to tell us what it says.

Good luck. All she'll ever give me is her name, rank, and serial number.

practice. What's the use? I'll just have to fake it.

Fake it?

Yes, there are four cello players.

If I can just get the movement sound right, no one will ever know that I'm

really playing.

Katie, if you don't really play, it won't be fair to the other children.

But if I do play, it won't be fair to the audience.

Gretchen, do you have a minute? Yeah.

Well, we just got the strangest letter. It's in German.

That's so strange about that.

Words are spelled funny.

Let me see it.

Well, this letter is for me. How did you get my letter?

Your letter?

It's addressed to Mrs. Gatling.

What? Oh.

So it is.

How curious.

What about it, Kraus?

You know it's a post office.

Well, they don't address to me, oh, Kraus. They just deliver it.

So somebody thinks you're Mrs. Gatling?

Well, it's an easy mistake.

one could make it.

Exactly who did?

Trudy. Who's Trudy? And why does she think you're Mrs. Gatling?

It's a long story.

We got plenty of time if you want to whoop it on us.

Okay.

See, when I was growing up, Trudy was my next -door neighbor.

We went to the same school, we swam in the same pond, we played in the same

band. Oh, yeah, Trudy with the glockenspiel.

Trudy with a glockenspiel? I have all her albums.

They were always competing, and Trudy always won.

Kraus, Kraus, Kraus, the letter?

Oh, yeah.

Well, one day she wrote and told me that she had married Karl Brunwurzer, the

local burgermeister. He is fat and he drools, but where I come from, he's

considered quite a catch.

But she was convinced that I could never do any better.

So... I wrote back and told her that I had married the governor.

Well, at least you had the decency not to tell him.

Yeah, but now it's all over. She is coming here tomorrow and will discover

lies. She will make me and all my relatives a laughingstock of the

am I going to do?

Tell her the truth. Save her the trip.

She's already on her trip.

She's only going to be here for a couple of hours before she changes planes.

She's on her way to Disneyland.

Wait a minute. When did you say she was coming? Tomorrow night.

Well, that's the night the governor has to go to Katie's recital. Whatever

you're hatching, Marcy, now would be a good time to start.

When Trudy comes to the mansion tomorrow night, Mrs. Gatling and two members of

her loyal staff will be there to greet her.

Do you think it could work?

Of course it'll work. Forget it, Marcy. I'm not about to start playing charades

in the governor's mansion.

Oh, it'll only take a few minutes. We'll keep your part small.

No. I knew he'd say that, Marcy. Why should Benson do something for me?

Maybe because he owes you a favor?

That's right.

I won't do it.

Okay, Benson.

I should have known you would vouch on our deal.

You know what happened to the last person to call me a welcher?

Aha! So you have a history of virtue.

I always thought you were a man of your word, Benson.

I am a man of my word.

How about if I wash your car?

Your car.

Oh, I knew this paper would come back to haunt me. All right, I'll do it. But we

don't tell anybody.

Not a soul. No one.

Never. Never.

Swear? I'll write it in my blood, okay?

Write it 500 times.

What is taking them so long? Everyone should have gone by now.

Now relax, Gretchen. The governor will be leaving soon.

But Trudy's plane is landing in an hour.

There's plenty of time. Don't panic.

What's taking the governor so long? He should have been gone by now. Get him to

leave. Only the voters can do that.

Well, I'm off to Katie's recital. Oh, good.

Bye. Bye.

Now, good night, Governor.

Oh, Pete, do you know if Clayton finished that bird bill?

Not yet. It'll be on your desk in the morning. Ah, good. Good night.

Good night.

So, guys, what's up, huh? Nothing. We're all busy.

Yeah, we have plans.

So, goodbye.

I got things I can do, too. So do them.

The thing is, I was supposed to meet with Janine tonight about the divorce

settlement. Turns out she's got a date.

She's allowed.

You're separated. Get out.

Well, I guess it's time to hit the road.

See you guys Monday.

Hello? Oh, hi, Janine. Check's in the mail.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Now we are really behind schedule. Pull yourself together, Gretchen. We're about

to turn you into the first lady of this great state.

Now all we need is to find a frog who's willing to kiss her.

this way, Mrs. Brunewald, sir.

I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay in our country.

That's what the travel agent said.

But then again, that's his job.

Do you do a lot of traveling?

Tell me, is this what you Americans call small talk?

Fraulein, dear Gretchen, oh, excuse me, Mrs. Gatling, decorate this room all by

herself.

Yes, of course.

Every first lady likes to add her own personal touch to the mansion.

That would explain this hideous vase here.

Poor Gretchen. Her taste was always so dreadful.

That vase belongs to the governor's family. He's fond of it and thinks it's

quite beautiful.

Oh, no!

Understand his attraction to Gretchen.

Oh, just imagine.

Strange -looking, dim -vided little Gretchen Krause, a governor's wife.

It takes all kinds.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Only in America.

No, my dear, where is she? I haven't got all night, you know. I have a plane to

catch to Disneyland.

Oh, I'm sure you'll love the phony animals.

I'll see what's keeping Mrs. Gatling.

Believe that woman.

Yeah, she reminds me of a bayonet I once knew.

Well, I told you she wasn't very nice.

You and she are from the same hometown, huh?

Yeah. Must be something in the water.

You think we can finish this before the governor comes on? Okay, I'll get the

tea. Gretchen, you go in and greet Trudy. Oh, I'm so nervous.

Benson, do you remember your part?

Oh, they got one line, Marcy. It's an important line.

Well, Marcy, I'm not dumb.

Give it to me again.

Mrs. Gatlin, you promised the governor you would meet him at the party.

Yeah, of course, that's it.

So then I smile and split.

And then you're on your own. Right, but don't rush it or Trudy will get

suspicious.

I'll get the tea.

Go ahead, Kraus.

Give it your best shot.

Hot hoodie?

Gretchen? Ja.

Oh, Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen.

Oh, good dear, you have changed so.

You haven't. Oh, darling.

Oh, Gretchen, I was so happy. You know, I never believed we would see each other

again. I was counting on it. I mean, I was counting the days until this

moment.

Trudy, um... How is Carl?

Fine.

Yeah, well, it's too bad he couldn't make the trip with you. Oh, yeah, he is

miserable when we're apart.

Oh, Gretchen, what a wonderful man Carl is. And what a wonderful life he has

given me. Oh, the love, the respect, the jewelry.

Mrs. Gatling?

Your tea.

Oh, Marcy, thank you.

You know, Gretchen, I was a little worried there for a moment. On the way

here, the cab driver said that there was no Mrs.

Gatling.

Then perhaps he both knew in town. Well, that's what I thought. But he told me

that he has been living here for 30 years.

Mrs. Gatling, forgive me for interrupting.

That's okay.

But you promised the governor you'd meet him at that party.

Well, that was my wife.

This cab driver said that he had known the priest... Yes, Mrs. Gatling, but he

had never heard of Gretchen Gatling. Why do you suppose that is, Gretchen?

I don't know.

Well, there must be a reasonable explanation.

Oh, I'm sure there is, and I would just love to hear it.

Well, um... Listen,

I think I hear the governor now.

Gretchen's dear friend, Trudy.

Jean Gatling, governor of this great state.

Gretchen, you never wrote to me that your husband was a... Gretchen, you

told me that Trudy had a speech impediment.

But she did tell me you play the glockenspiel.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Heard you're not very good.

Oh, it was a dreadful bore, it always is, without my darling at my side. When

found out she was going to be late, I came over here to whisk her off my side.

Not a moment to see.

Yeah, yeah, it's true.

We are just crazy in love.

So it would seem.

Funny, you don't look like a governor.

Yes, yes, I know what you mean, but lucky for me, most of the voters don't

with you.

They have such a wonderful sense of humor.

That's one of the reasons I married him.

Tell her the other reasons.

It's obvious that the governor feels that you're as beautiful as that vase.

Yes, I've always had a weakness for imported antique.

Well, then, I suppose it's true.

Well, congratulations, Gretchen.

They dumped you into the melting pot and you came out smelling like a rose.

My, my, my, look at the time. Mrs. Brunvold, sir, if you don't hurry,

going to miss your plane.

Bye, everybody.

Mrs. Gatling and I were just entertaining her old friend, Trudy, from

And you know how these tourists are, Freddy. They just love to meet

And since I am the governor of this great state, it was natural that she

want to meet me. Fred is my top aide.

I don't know what I'd do without him.

Sometimes I think if I weren't here, he could run this state all by himself.

He's exaggerating.

But you know what the governor means, don't you, Fred?

Oh, of course.

Who are you?

Nice to meet you.

Ah, hello,

Trudy. Very nice to know you.

You don't mind if I call you Trudy, do you? You can call me Fred.

I thought I gave you the evening off so that you could attend your daughter's

recital. No, the recital ended early by mutual agreement. They don't play

anymore. And we didn't want to listen.

Well, Fred, I'm so happy you had a chance to meet Trudy before she has to

Oh, yes, so am I.

So, Trudy, you're from Germany.

Do you know Willy Brandt? No, I don't. Small world. Neither do I.

Aha! I thought I heard voices in here.

Clayton's hearing voices again. There's no telling what he'll say.

Well, it has taken me the better part of 36 grueling hours, but I am proud to

say that I have finally finished drafting the bird sanctuary bill, and I

sincerely hope that it meets with your approval, Governor.

Oh, why ask me? What do you think, Governor?

I don't like it one bit. Take it back and do it again.

I am very, very tired.

And I will admit a little cranky.

What is this all about, Governor?

I'm Fred. He's the Governor.

Fred. Governor.

Marcy. I'm the maid.

You're the maid.

What are you supposed to be, Gretchen?

The queen mother?

Clayton, that's no way to talk to my wife.

Your wife?

Sir.

Fred, he's sir.

Gretchen. Gretchen, does this man work for you, too?

Well, actually, he's another member of my staff. We only keep him on because

father was so loyal to us.

All right.

Fred.

What the hell is going on here?

It's time for your warm bath.

Warm bath?

That's an order.

Sir, I took mine.

Now, just let me get this straight. You are the governor. You are Fred. Right.

You are... You are the maid.

You are his wife.

Ja. Ja. And since you're having this lovely tea party, you must be Alice.

In my regards to the mad hatter.

Well, there is only one remaining question.

Who am I?

Since you've met the family, I suppose you should be getting to the airport.

Take my limousine.

Your limousine?

We all have one.

You all have one?

That's America.

Bertrand, do you seriously think I believe this little kinder spiel? This

mansion. It's a madhouse.

And these people are all fools.

Goodbye. Wait a minute, Trudy.

This has gone far enough.

I am going to tell you the truth.

I am not married to this gentleman, and he is not the governor.

This is Jean Gatling, the governor of the state. And this lady is not a maid.

She is Marcy Hill, the governor's executive secretary.

I work for the governor, and I am proud of it.

These people are all my friends.

They did this for me.

And with real friends like these, well...

Who needs friends like you?

Goodbye, Trudy. Give my regards to Carl.

That schweinhund.

The big, fat, drooling slob ran off with a 20 -year -old meter maid.

Now I'm alone. The town has no Burgermeister, and everyone is parking

Trudy, I am sorry.

I'm sorry too, Gretchen, for so many things.

Will you still write to me?

Sure. Will you send me a postcard from Disneyland?

Ja, ja.

Goodbye, Governor. Goodbye,

Miss Hill.

Goodbye, Fred.

I'll see you off, Trudy.

Thank you, my friend.

Well, what Miss Cross said was really very beautiful.

Thanks for going along with this, Governor. Oh, actually, I enjoyed not

governor for a while.

I'd be careful who I said that to.

You know, I thought the whole thing was a lot of fun.

Well, I know what would be even more fun. What?

Let's never explain this to Clayton.