Original subtitles

Hi. Hi.

I'm waiting to see the governor.

I'm not.

No, really. I have a letter of introduction from Senator McIntosh. I'm

Corbett. You sure?

Yes.

And I have the answer.

I don't think anybody's asked that question.

This, my good man, is the solution to all our problems.

Now, with my new system, we can keep heating costs from skyrocketing.

Even in the dead of winter, I have a way to stay cozy, toasty, and warm.

So do I, but she's out of town for the weekend.

It's what I call my greenhouse theory, in which we enclose our cities with a

plastic bubble.

Well, there's one way to keep from losing your cake.

Who needs one?

I mean, there'll be no wind, no rain, no sleet, no snow. I laugh in the face of

winter.

Well, it's nice to see a man happy in his work, Mr. Corbett. But tell me, if

keep everything out, won't we also be keeping pollution in?

I'll be back.

I was afraid of that.

Marcy, where do you want these stone books?

Give them to Taylor.

Does he need to put them on his feet so he can see over his desk?

You're not going to believe this.

The governor is personally calling everyone in the state. Tell him to say

me. Well, he's not calling everyone. He's got a lot of issues that he's

to get some opinions on.

He called me once about my opinion.

Wanted to know what kind of eye shadow I wore.

That's what you do, hang up. No, I told him it depended on the dress I was

wearing.

Walked right into it, didn't I?

Every time.

Yes?

Oh, come in, Batson. Listen to this.

Governor, this is the 20th call. You don't need these people to waste your

Yeah, you got Taylor for that.

Well, if I don't talk to the people, how am I going to find out what's on their

minds and in their hearts? Just ask me.

Taylor, ever since I've been elected, I've been stuck in this office, and

been in here with me.

How could you possibly think you have the pulse of the people?

I'm not even sure he has a pulse of his own.

Oh, uh, uh, Mr. Fitz, uh, this is Governor Gatling.

Gatling.

I'm afraid Governor Dexter passed away several years ago.

Now, Mr. Phipps, I wonder if I... Oh, Mr. Phipps, please don't cry.

We all loved him.

Well, um, he threw out the first ball of the season and sort of went with it.

Well, perhaps I should call you back sometime when you're feeling a little

better. Goodbye, Mr. Phipps.

Sir, forget the people. You have a state to run. Taylor, the people are the

state. Hey, that's radical thinking, but I like it.

Trouble is, I can't get anybody to talk to me.

Either they don't believe it's really me, or they tell me what they think I

to hear instead of what they're feeling.

Well, if somebody called you up on the phone and said, I'm the governor, would

you believe them? Of course not. I'm the governor.

You can't expect them to believe it's really you. Sir, I rarely do, but I

to agree with Benson.

This telephoning is getting us nowhere.

As my mother used to say, anybody who calls you up on the phone and tries to

sell you something is afraid to look you in the eye.

Mother had a point.

I hope so, because she never had a phone.

Benson, if you were a little girl, and you wanted to have a slumber party, but

you didn't think your father would let you, I'd help you.

If and when I become a little girl, I'll keep that in mind.

Is that it?

Benson, everyone in the world has had a slumber party.

I haven't.

You're not a little girl.

I was just a minute ago.

Oh, Benson.

But what's so great about a slumber party?

Everything. We get together and eat pizza and popcorn and donuts.

would be boys, not pillow fighters.

When do you slumber?

Next day.

So what do you want from me?

Well, I was just wondering what you're going to tell Daddy if he mentions it to

you. I'm not going to tell him anything, because he's the one who's got to put

up with all that noise.

Come on, Vince, I thought you were my friend.

I am your friend, but I'm your father's friend, too. Why don't you ask him?

I did, and he said, we'll see.

Do you go?

We'll see usually means no.

So would you ask them for me, would you please?

We'll see.

Thanks.

Oh, we used to have such parties when I was her age. All my friends would come

over and gather in the kitchen to stuff sausage.

Grind und stuff.

Grind und stuff.

It only went wild, huh?

I could tell you stories.

Please don't.

Governor, I've been keeping track of the phone calls. Do you want me to make a

list of all the worthwhile comments?

We didn't get any.

I'm afraid those calls haven't been all that profitable.

It has been for the phone company.

I've got to find some way to reach the people.

Sir, I don't know why you're bothering with these phone calls when I can tell

you what's on the average person's mind.

Gold, trust funds, and tax shelters.

Is that baloney?

Sounds like it to me.

Well, I, for one, want to protect the money that I worked so hard to inherit.

really worried about is just keeping a roof over their heads. You know, I pay

.50 a month just for my one bedroom.

Imagine if you had a kitchen and bathroom.

You know what frightens me?

A mirror.

You have any idea of the chemicals they put in some of the food that we eat?

It's enough to make you sick.

Keep on eating that stuff, you'll find up in the hospital.

If the doctor doesn't kill you, his bill will.

This is wonderful.

Yeah, she's a million laughs.

I mean, it's just that I so seldom get a chance to hear this kind of talk

anymore. Well, you'd hear plenty of it if you went to the barbershop and the

bowling alley. They may say it in different ways, but they're talking

same thing.

Survival. Benton, the governor is not going to any bowling alley.

Sir, why ask what the people want? They don't know what they want.

If they knew you, they'd want your head.

If you're looking for a broad range of opinions, I suggest you go to the polls.

What about the Czechs, the Swedes? They all have something to say.

I think Taylor was referring to the public opinion polls.

Oh, those polls are just numbers and percentages.

I want voices, feelings.

Well, what about the mail? You can get a pretty good indication what people are

thinking by reading your mail.

Though we only get three kinds.

Four against and obscene.

There's got to be a better way to find out what's on people's minds. There is.

Sir, just talk to your expert.

But who's an expert?

Somebody who's trying to stretch his pay from one week to the next, and no

matter how hard he tries, he can't stretch it far enough.

And he'll tell you some things you want to hear, and maybe a few things you

don't want to hear.

Well, that's what makes this country great.

Everybody has the right to express an opinion, no matter how little they know.

Yeah. and you get paid for it.

That's it.

All right, look.

Different.

Good. No, I didn't say that.

Well, listen, I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I have decided to take

your suggestion.

What suggestion?

When I go out and talk to the people.

Yeah, but I didn't say go out in the middle of the night, Governor.

Where are your security men?

Oh, I'm not taking them with me. See, they'd get between me and the people.

Well, that's what they're for.

You were right. You see, if I go out there by myself, dressed like this,

then people would be more likely to confide in me, give me advice.

With all due respect, sir, forget it. It's a dumb idea.

It was your idea.

Then I should know.

Well, then it's time I found out.

Yeah, but why don't you go out in the daytime? At least you can see who's

mugging you.

No, Benson, I have decided and nothing's going to change my mind.

It's your face I'm worried about. You can't go and that's all there is to it.

Sir. I can go out and that's what I'm going to do. Oh, no, you're not. I won't

allow it.

Just a minute. Are you telling me what to do?

Yes.

Kind of.

Well, don't. because I'm leaving.

Not without your security men you are.

Benson, put down that phone.

Benson!

I mean it.

Then I'm coming with you.

Okay, fine.

Give me a minute to change.

Benson, you realize we just had our first fight.

Yeah, but the night is young.

You sure you want to come in here?

Oh, I'm positive.

Do we just sit out anywhere?

I don't think we should wait for a hostess to seat us.

So, uh, what did you tell the foreman?

Told him if he wants me to work 80 stories up, he's got to pay me more. I'm

construction worker, not a trapeze artist.

At least you're working steady, Jake.

I got news for you, pal. 80 stories up, I am not steady.

What'll it be?

Beer. You?

What do you recommend?

The joint down the street.

Now, what do you want, pal?

He'd like a beer.

I never had before.

Fake it.

Oh, ain't this a little late for you, Jake?

I'm in no rush to get home.

Wife started working again.

Oh, here you go.

You want a straw?

You know, Jake, you're not the only guy whose wife went to work. It's about the

only way there is to keep up with the cost of living. Tell me about it. Oh, I

wish you'd tell me about it.

Would you mind if I asked you about inflation?

Would you mind if I ripped out your spleen?

Thank you very much. My pleasure.

There's your beer.

Drink it over there.

Oh, excuse me. Is there anybody sitting here?

Not that I can see.

Sit down. Take a load off.

You thought maybe you were with someone.

Not yet.

Drink your beer.

I can't even talk to people. And if I don't talk to people, I won't be

Can't fight logic.

I wouldn't mind having another drink.

Mind if I ask you a question?

Why not? I've heard them all.

What do you think of wage and price controls?

Self -employed.

Yeah, she believes in the free enterprise system.

She surely must realize that a freeze on wage and practice would affect

everybody. You've got great eyes.

Nelson, I don't think she understands.

I don't think you do.

Governor, if you want to communicate with these people, you've got to learn

speak their language. Oh, you're right. You're absolutely right. What do you

mean?

Here, I'll show you.

Hey, pal.

That's for you.

Thanks. It's too bad it doesn't buy anything anymore.

No kidding. Some nights it don't even pay to open up. Rough, huh? And getting

worse every day. It was a lot easier to make a living ten years ago.

You're telling me.

all these new small business regulations and tax forms to subtract inventory

depreciation from gross revenues.

Attach Schedule H after consulting column three.

I'm a bartender, not a CPA.

I'd like to help. Good. Order another round.

I mean, really help. See, I'm the governor.

No kidding?

Well, I'm Henry Kissinger.

May I introduce the Queen of England.

How do you do?

It's nice to know you.

It's nice to know you too, Governor.

Mr. Beer, he's not really the Governor. Hey, listen.

If you want to be the Governor, that's just fine with me.

Whatever turns you on, okay?

Hey,

Wimpy.

Uh, Jean, got it.

Nice to know you.

Are you bothering this lady?

Well, I don't think so.

Give me just a moment.

See, I'm really just humoring her. She thinks she's the Queen of England.

Henry?

Henry?

Could you get this fellow a beer?

I didn't catch your name.

Bulldog.

That's Indian, isn't it?

We had an Indian family that lived right next door to us all the time I was

growing up.

They were nice people. They cooked out a lot.

The girl married this Jewish guy from up the block, and they had a boy, Running

Bear Feldman.

Listen, you creep, you're making fun of my name. I'll break you in half.

Hey, don't be calling him a creep.

Now, just what do you want to do about it?

What am I going to do about it?

I may just get the hell out of here. What do you think of that?

I think I may just help you.

Is that a threat?

It worked.

Hey, hey, mister.

Mister, why don't you sit down a minute, huh?

Some other time, pal.

Good. We don't want any company anyway. Wait a minute. Why don't you do it

outside again?

What's the matter? Is my company good enough for you?

Don't mind him.

Just sit down, sir.

Some other time.

Are you talking to me, sir?

No, I'm talking to the other guy.

help overhearing exactly what did you mean when you said they keep sticking it

to us.

Are you still here?

Still here.

Look, if you're not out of here in three seconds, I'm going to hit you

repeatedly over the head with him.

Hey, Bulldog, why don't you come on over here and have another beer? Yeah, don't

you know who that is, Bulldog?

That's the governor.

Oh, yeah, I wish he was the governor. I'd give him a piece of my mind. Oh,

that's fine because I'm the governor.

He's on the tape just like all the rest of them bums. Oh, well, now, wait just a

moment. You see, that isn't true.

Are you calling me a liar?

He's not, but I am.

Oh, no.

Well, then, I guess I'm just going to have to put the hurt on you. Well,

one hurt, and I'm going to have to tape.

Somebody better hold me back. I'm going to tear this guy apart.

Bulldog, you got a minute?

No, I think I'm busy.

You might be busy for the next 20 years if you don't get over here.

Now, look, I know you're a little slow in the reading department, so I'm going

to make this simple for you.

Look at this picture.

Now look at him.

Now look here.

Now look at him.

Oh, so you're the governor, huh?

That's all, sir.

Nice to meet you, Your Honor.

I'm sorry about that.

Nice to meet you, sir.

What do you have, sir? It's on the house.

Speak for yourself.

How are you? Listen, I'm so glad to meet you all because I wanted to talk to you

and to find out... Well, what's

going on?

You all were full of ideas a minute ago.

The man wants to hear it. Why don't you talk to him? What good is he going to do

anyway? All he's going to do is nod his head and make a lot of promises, but

he's not going to do anything.

See, none of these guys ever do anything.

That's right, so we might as well just shut up.

Did you hear what he said, stupid? I'm not deaf. I heard it. Don't call me

stupid, stupid.

Come on, the man wants to hear what you think.

About him, about the government, about your lives.

That's why he's been asking questions.

All he's trying to do is run the state the way you want him to.

I didn't ask him to run anything.

I didn't even vote for him.

Well, who did you vote for?

Well,

that's what I thought.

He didn't vote for anybody. It's too much trouble to vote.

But it's really... to sit in here and say, they ought to do this and they

to do that. Well, they ought to.

Well, what are you doing to change things?

If you really wanted to make a difference, you'd stop complaining and

the man.

Well, I don't mind.

Go ahead.

Oh, no, I didn't come in to make a speech. I came in to listen to you.

See, my father always said, Gene... Uh, Governor.

Oh, well, anyhow, I have been listening. Now, Bullfrog, you may have... Don't,

Governor.

Some politicians are corrupt. Yeah, and what are you doing about it?

All right, let me ask you that. What are you doing about it?

See, when you vote, you hire the politician.

And if he doesn't do the job you want, you vote again, you fire him.

You can't just tell your problems to Mr. Kissinger. You've got to tell them to

me. I can't do a good job unless I know how you feel.

In other words, get up off your...

Get involved.

Okay, so why don't you tell him what's on your mind?

My

God,

Taylor, what happened? Where are they? Who knows? What took you so long?

Taylor, I got here in 15 minutes. Do you know I've been trying to reach you for

three hours?

Um, my phone is off the hook.

So you haven't heard a word from either one of them? If I had heard anything, I

wouldn't be here. I'd be home in bed.

So would I.

How long have they been missing?

The gate guards saw them drive out about 11 o 'clock.

So they went out someplace together.

Taylor, why didn't you just say that on the phone?

Marcy, what are you doing here?

I have no idea.

Sir, where have you been?

Out with the people, Taylor, getting to know them.

Almost too well.

So we found this quaint little bar.

You ought to go there sometime, Taylor.

So you've been out in the town, huh? Oh, it was really quite an experience.

I consider a time well spent.

Well, good. I'm glad you got it out of your system. Oh, no, Taylor, no.

This is just the start. You can't learn all that much in a couple of hours.

You don't mean you're going back there?

Not with me, he isn't.

Well, maybe not specifically that same bar, but I'm going to keep trying to

ways to stay in touch with the people.

You want me to get there?

If you wouldn't mind.

Well, good night. I've got to be at work in a few hours, and I have a very

strict boss.

Oh, well, he might be a little late himself in the morning. Hello, just a

minute. Good night.

Governor, it's for you.

Oh, who is it? The Queen of England.

Good morning?

No. I mean about my... Oh, hi, Daddy.

Hi, sweetheart.

How's the best daddy in the world?

How much trouble is she in?

None yet.

Tell him you think it's okay.

You know about the slumber P -A -R -T -Y?

I told you, it's not up to Emmy.

What part of...

Katie wants to ask some friends to sleep over. How many friends?

A couple.

A couple?

A few.

How many is that?

Fourteen.

Fourteen? Do not concern yourself, Governor.

Benson will take care of everything.

As long as you don't mind.

No, I don't mind.

But I need Kraus to help me.

It's all right with me.

Good. How about Saturday?

Great. Thank you, Daddy.

Sure have.

Wait a minute.

Saturday is your night off.

Oh!

Brunson is videotaped before the studio audience.