Original subtitles

Ready on the set. Here we go.

Cue the smoke.

Ready, Sandy, and action.

What's going on, Dad?

I think I forgot my line.

Okay, cut, people. Cut, cut, cut.

And Danny says, with utter surprise, Sandy.

It's okay. Everybody goes up on their line. Oh, yeah.

Not me.

No, I'm really good at remembering lines. Like, it's my thing.

I could learn a 14 -page monologue on a way home, get an even fuzzy header from

a week -long all -GC talk. Okay, people, back to one. Here we go.

Cue the smoke.

And action.

What's going on, Dud?

It's Sandy.

I know.

So I was doing a scene from Grease, right, but John Travolta wasn't there,

was playing his part. Danny Zuko, I love that movie.

There's a serious stink in Olivia Newton -John. You're Olivia Newton -John. Not

my O -N -J stink.

Australia's O -N -J.

The world's O -N -J.

Anyway, you know how much she means to me, right?

So we're sitting there, and I don't say my line, right? Instead, I, um... I

kiss her.

With who? O &J.

No! Yes.

Like with open tongue, like a lot of tongue, like an absorbent amount of

And then I started grinding her like some kind of chihuahua. It was like out

control. Oh.

And then I... Oh, come on. You can tell me anything, Stink.

I came.

You what?

I orgasmed in my sleep to Olivia Newton -John.

Okay.

That is...

Unusual. I'm sick and perverted and need to be locked away and I feel like I've

defiled a nurse nutrition.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Maybe this will help.

According to this thing, hypersexualized dreams can be related to the following.

Dress. Check.

And nothing.

What? No, no,

no, no, no.

A feeling of control or lack thereof. Okay.

and early signs of acute psychosis eventually leading to deviant antisocial

behavior relating to sex, violence, and perversion.

That's it.

I'm a closeted serial killer.

Okay, look.

The week my graduate thesis was due, I kept having this recurring dream that I

was locked in a pickle factory with Zayn Malik from One Direction. Yep. Only my

hands and my feet were pickled, and Zayn was pregnant with our baby, like...

fully distended belly and everything. And he just kept chasing me all over the

place, you know, because of the cravings. And I just kept flipping and

you know, because my feet were pickles. I mean, Freud would have a field day

with that.

This is just a result of all the pressure you've been putting on yourself

book a gig.

It will happen, stink.

Tick -tock, tick -tock, times a ticking stink.

And in the meantime, I'm turning into a sex -crazed, raging carbon muncher.

What are you doing? I don't know. I'm just so confused. I just wanted to try

kiss you and see if I got all tingly down there.

And? Nothing dead at the doorknob.

I'm losing my mind.

Oh, Tam Tam.

I'm going to go and change for an audition I'm probably not going to get.

So, thanks.

For the record, Stink, I did get kind of tingly.

It's me, love. Well, my ghost, at least.

Or actually, more like a manifestation of your overactive imagination,

with equal parts anxiety, panic, and a personal sense of failure.

Are you... Dead, as a doornail.

But again, darling, a figment of your imagination.

I have to admit, I feel great.

This post -mortem bloating's done wonders for my age line.

Are you stuck here?

On the plane, because that's really sad.

Oh, no, no.

I've seen things, heard things, felt things. The mysteries of the universe

been revealed to me and all that mumbo -jumbo.

So go on.

Go on what?

Ask me something.

Anything. Take it for a spin. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Um, my favorite

I lost it. It is at my house.

Or is it on Beverly at the Taco Bell in the ladies' bathroom?

Come on, you can do better than that.

How's this?

Of the following three, who is still alive?

Who packed Shakur? Elvis Presley or Jim Morrison?

I'm not supposed to tell, but I'll give you a hint. It's Jim Morrison.

He sells boat owners insurance in the Seychelles. Looks pretty darn good for

age. Wow.

So why am I here, John? Why?

Car rental commercial.

Oh, my dear Tannen, if you haven't figured it out already, it's not the

destination, it's the journey. It's all the little pieces you collect along the

way. At the end of the day, the only failure is in not trying.

Oh, look, love, now is your time.

It doesn't matter what this audition is for or whether some bureaucrat will

justify it for your visa, so don't do it for the Americans or the Aussies.

For me, or even for the casting people in that room.

Do it for yourself.

Oh, look, love. I'd better go. There's a casting next door for a men's

deodorant, which means shirts will be coming off in the room. God, I love this

business.

It's amazing, Tamin.

The love inside.

You take it with you.

That's from the movie Ghost. Yeah, no, I got it.

definitely checking myself into a self -awareness place in Malibu.

Cameron Sersak, you're up.

Please, tell us your name.

Taman.

Like salmon or salmon or GPS programming.

Please, please, all this backstory information is not necessary.

Just begin.

Okay.

I love... But you can't run

home. Next!

Oh, I can do other things.

I just gotta... No, we're good.

Thank you.

Oh.

Okay.

Get my bag.

Can I just say something?

Um... Thank you.

I mean it. Thank you.

I know I didn't get the job, but I'm okay with it.

Because I learned something here today.

You know, you probably don't know this and you probably don't care, but when I

was in Australia, I was everyone's sweetheart.

I was somebody.

And then when I came here, I kind of just wasn't.

But I started to stand by all my faults and my failures.

And I became better because of it.

So if you're rejecting me, I want to make sure that you know who you're

rejecting.

You're rejecting a girl in the chicken food that might kill an old lady by

accident.

You're rejecting a girl that might masturbate over Olivia Newton -John.

You're rejecting a girl that might say, finger to whale on national telly

wearing Prada.

But me for me, right?

And I'm beginning to like that me.

So peace out.

Have a nice life.

Beautiful hair.

Do you guys validate parking by any...

Tamin. Hi, Andrew.

I know the casting probably called you to tell you what a train wreck that was

in there, but... No, no, Tamin, Tamin. I just want to let you know that it's

probably inevitable that I'm going to have to go back to Australia, but I'm

going to come back here, Andrew, because I know I want to make this work.

Tamin, you booked the job.

What? You booked the job.

Yeah, casting just called. You blew them away. They love you.

And here's the thing. I can't even get my head around this, but...

The audition wasn't for a rental car company.

That guy who's sitting in the room with you, that commercial director, that was

actually Antonio Spandini, one of the greatest feature film directors working

today. Evidently, he likes to keep his identity a secret and goes through this

big process of setting things up so he can find truth in some undiscovered

talent.

And you're the one he found, Tammen.

He found you. You're the lead in his next feature film.

You can stay in the States.

You made it.

You start shooting next week?

This is a big deal.

Your life's about to change.

Sorry, that was really loud.

Okay, I gotta go. I gotta call my mom and dad. Yeah, I really have to call

They're really special. Okay. Okay, bye.

Mom and dad, I know that you're probably thinking right now, but I just want to

let you know that I did it.

I booked a job. I booked a job. I booked a really...

Really big job.

I just can't believe it. I can't believe that I'm doing this.

Oh, wait.

That's Mrs. Sandini. He's the director of my new film.

I should probably say hello, right? Okay, I'm going to go say hello. Bye.

Mrs. Sandini?

Mrs. Sandini, I just want to say that what you did in there was genius.

I'm going to give you everything I've got.

And it just goes to show that a girl can really make it in this town with true

hard work.

Helen and...

Oh.