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Previously on Aussie Girl.
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Vagina!
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Stay true to yourself!
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How exactly did this happen there? I got
something stuck in my throat and Trisha
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Bittsmore handed me a glass of water
and... That lollipop -headed,
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bitch! I'm a laughingstock, Mum. You
remember John, your old manager? He
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in L .A. America?
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Holy... Tim, you're going to love it
here. I've brought dozens of horses
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and you, darling, are going to be the
biggest star of them all. Maybe dreams
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really do come true.
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You'll be just...
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I'm
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undeniably me.
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Oh, so me.
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Undeniably...
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Orange cider?
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No thanks, dammit.
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So, should I just do it?
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Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
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Which one should I use?
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What do you mean?
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Which finger?
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Should I use a few?
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Uh, why don't we start with just one?
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And see how it goes.
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Okay. Yeah, all right.
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All right.
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Okay.
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I'm going to do it.
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Wait.
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Shouldn't you, I don't know, like, wet
it first?
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All right, then.
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Here it goes.
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Well, if it isn't Tubby Tam and Sucks a
Dick, it looks like he's about to hop on
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a whale.
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There are times in life when you think
you've hit your lowest.
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Come get your chickens!
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Woo! Oh, God. Yeah, baby! And then there
are times in life when you dress like a
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chicken. Woo!
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I need you to tell us how to get the
cable setting off the DVR. Show her the
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remote, Mum. I can't talk.
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We've been stuck on the same setting for
almost a week, and all we can watch are
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reruns of your father's favourite
actress, Ashley Jart. I seriously can't
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right now.
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I've got to go. And you know how randy
your father gets when it comes to Ashley
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Jart. Mum, Mum, I seriously can't talk
right now, OK? He gets all worked up,
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then he sets his sights on me.
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Mum.
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I can't do this right now. Imagine, all
week, over and over again, nothing but
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double jeopardy. Mom! I'm worn out like
an old wicker keeper's glove. Mom!
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Okay, I can't talk. Okay, bye.
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Oh,
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this guy.
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I'm literally getting my right ovary.
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Or a pear.
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I'm seeing this right now.
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If everyone can take their seats, we can
begin.
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This officially can't get any worse.
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Brushtail possum, native to Australia,
has been known to play dead as an
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instinctive defence mechanism for
deterring predators.
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It will literally freeze in place,
hoping to blend into its natural
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surroundings. Also, anatomically, the
brushtail scrotum is situated above its
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penis, which means sometimes you have to
go into a situation false first. And
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so, dear friends and family...
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We remember our dearly departed life not
for the tragic way in which it was cut
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short, but for the fulfilled and rich
manner in which it touched us all.
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And now I'd like to call on one of
John's many success stories.
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In just a few weeks, her promising
career has taken off like a rocket.
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Tricia Pilsmore, could you please come
up and grace us with some kind words?
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for the love of all that is holy.
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Oh.
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Oh, John.
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Oh, my John John.
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Sorry. Sorry.
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Thank you.
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Success.
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That is the word I think of most when I
think of John Higgin.
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A man who touched... so many lives by
recognising who was really talented.
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Especially those who really stood out.
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Like, well, like me.
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Biting tongue, biting tongue.
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As many of you may know, I've been
coming back and forth from Australia to
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States, you know, just to give a bit of
a go of it.
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And wouldn't you know it, with John's
guidance and his personal belief in me
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how amazing I am,
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Biting tongue off.
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Biting tongue off. Things have gone
extraordinarily well.
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So, as we think of John, let's pause a
moment to think of ourselves.
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To think of our own greatness. And how
truly special we each are. Because
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what John stood for. What a giant pile
of shame shits!
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Hi.
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Everyone's looking at me.
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You all look lovely.
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Beautifully dressed.
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That's not what John stood for.
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He was all about having a dream and
following that dream no matter where it
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you. Even if it means standing up to
certain people who'll do whatever it
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to get what they want.
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Like poison your drink at the Loggie
Awards in front of all
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Yeah.
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Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a
lead pipe, for the win.
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I don't even know if I'm extraordinary
or amazing.
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But John was all about accepting your
faults and your insecurities.
104
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So I might be dressed like a chicken.
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Yep, it's a chicken.
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But I am anything but.
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Regardless of what you might all think.
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make something of my life, okay?
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Yeah. A new life. An American life.
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An Aussie in America. An Aussie girl.
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We've had a theme song.
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Cute right now.
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I'd walk out with my chicken head held
high.
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Ooh. Sorry, little dove.
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I usually play sports events on the
weekends.
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Anyway.
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I don't want to.
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Oh, God.
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I do.
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It's me.
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A little bit of pride. I have left.
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Oh, and Trish.
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I could be a heck of a chicken, too.
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Excuse me. Excuse me.
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Hi. Hi there.
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Hello. Hi.
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Excuse me. Hi. Hi. Hi. Sorry to bother
you.
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If you're here with a daily mail, I have
no comment, okay? No, no. I'm not even
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Australian. I'm just Andrew. I'm an
agent, actually, and I saw you in there,
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that was really spunky and cool, and I
think maybe we could work together, you
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know? Well, I'm a junior agent.
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I'm only allowed to hip pocket, so that
means you're not really with the agency,
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and no one will return your call or
fight for you, except for me, but people
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don't. People don't usually listen to me
unless I'm getting them coffee, so
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they're... I have an agent?
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Yes. Yes.
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You have an agent. I'm your agent.
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Okay. All right. I have cards. Okay.
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And they're in this fancy case. Really
fancy? Here you go. Oh, my God. And I
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want to start getting to work for you
right now. I'm going to go do it. I'm
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going to go make calls.
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Rally. Oh, wait.
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I have a thing about agents crossing the
street. Can you just... It's a long way
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around. Yes.
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Anything for my client.
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You got this.
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All right. I'll talk to you soon. I'm
going to work for you right now.
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Okay.
11431
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