Original subtitles

My name's Hammond Sersoff, and I'm Australia's sweetheart.

And we're in. Take this off.

I think, yeah, yeah. I just want to say, I really fucked my logy.

I really never thought this would happen. I really didn't. I mean, maybe I

Firstly, I'd like to thank Mitchell Sandberg from Year 7 who said,

The only reason I'm here with you at this party is because I heard you were

easy.

Come on. And I wanted to know what it was like to finger a whale.

Can you believe me?

Correction. Was Australia's sweetheart.

I mean, I couldn't even give away the old... That's another word for vagina.

Yeah,

yeah. For free parking around the back door.

I know you like that. I've seen you do that. Let's try this again.

Let me take you back to where this whole mess started.

Tam and Sursa.

To

all

you girls out there who truly, truly inspire me, who inspire me more than I

inspire... Oh, hi, guys. You're all here. You don't have to pay big dickies.

Big bickies with your tits.

Stay true to yourself.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie.

Oi, oi, oi. Christ, people, lighten up.

Come on, guys.

Lighten up.

Let's put everyone's tits in the bundle.

And why can't I remember what happened to this guy?

Oh, Mr. Richardson, he's... Always my voice of reason.

Hi, Mr. Richardson.

I... Oh, yeah. I can't really understand you. What... You want me to check my

email?

Okay. I'll check my email.

Um... Okay. Oh, there it is.

Dear client, there's no easy way to say this, so I just want to be blunt. I've

finally decided to be happy. Oh, nice.

I've run up with all your money.

I'm living on an island where you'll never find me. Good luck to you. P .S.

I'm really sorry.

Have to run away, darling?

Won't you be lonely on holiday by yourself?

I don't know, Mom.

I just want to get out of town.

My life is officially over.

Oh, there, there, my precious darling.

I don't know if everything's so bad as all that.

I mean, you looked beautiful last night.

And your speech, well, it was honest and... Heartfelt?

I said finger to whale.

How exactly did this happen there? I don't know. Everything's fine.

And then I got something stuck in my throat and Tricia Pismore handed me a

of water and... Vagina!

Bang, bang, ticka, ticka, wow, wow!

Because I think I've been with you. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

That lollipop -headed, backstabbing bitch!

I knew she had it out for me, Mum. Well, we'll take her to court. Or better yet,

I know some people.

Come on, Dad.

Some very scary people.

They're Greek, and they own the chicken shop down the street.

Actually... No.

No, I just have to face back.

I'm a laughingstock, Mom. I can't even show my face in my own city, in my own

country. Then move.

Out of the city, out of the country, out of the whole hemisphere.

You remember John, your old manager? He lives in L .A. He loves you.

And you remember who he personally discovered?

Olivia Newton -John.

That's right.

Australian national treasure.

Remember when you were little and I used to sing you that song when you got

scared to try something new? You remember?

No, no, don't remember.

Sure, you remember.

Don't think I remember that, no.

I am woman.

Hear me roar.

A number too big to ignore. And I know too much to get back and

pretend.

I think I'm really good. I think I can stop singing. I think I feel really,

really good. I've heard it all before.

And I've been down there on the floor.

No one's ever gonna bring me down again. I think I got it.

I'm invincible.

Baby girl.