All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s06e22 Happy Trails to You

Finally.

Not a minute too soon, Bob, if you ask
me.

Glad I asked you, Jerry.

Oh, you've come to the right decision,
Bob. You're like an athlete who's trying

to hang on.

Legs are starting to go.

Jerry, I'm really glad you're a friend
of mine because it makes me appreciate

other friends that much more.

I, for one, think you're doing the right
thing, Bob. I quit my job when I

thought it was time and look where it
got me.

Unemployed.

I'm behind you 100%, Bob.

Have you told your patients yet that
you're hanging it up?

Oh, I thought I'd tell them when they
come in today. How do you think they'll

take it?

Oh, they'll be fine.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

You know, when those people first came
to you, they were hopeless neurotics.

Aha, but now they are hopeless neurotics
with a place to go.

Come on, Gerald, let's go to lunch.

Uh, who's buying?

Why don't we go Dutch?

Me at one table and you in Holland.

Excuse us, Dr. Hartley, we're here for
our session.

Yeah, I'll come right in. Hi there, good
to see you.

You're all looking very well.

I'll see you later, Bob.

Robinson, there's a real class act,
isn't he, Hartley?

Well, how have you all been?

Oh, I'm doing great, Dr. Hartley.

Things are finally going very well at
home. My wife, Doris, left town.

I thought Chicago felt lighter.

How nice.

Visiting relatives?

Oh, no.

She's joined the pro wrestling circuit.

She's known professionally.

as the mask avenger of death.

Oh, that explains that signature on your
Christmas card this year.

Dr. Harvey?

Yes, Mrs. Bacon? I have come to a very
important decision.

I have some vacation time coming next
summer, and... And I think

I'll go to Denmark and have a sex change
operation.

is fine.

I'm as good as I get, Hurley.

What are you doing, taking a poll?

Not exactly.

I really am gratified to hear that
you're all doing so well.

I have some very important news for you
concerning me.

You're having a sex change operation.

It's not that extreme.

I've decided to take a new direction in
my career, and I've accepted a post at a

small college in Oregon.

The only thing I regret is that I'm
going to have to give up my practice.

Dr. Hartley.

You can't. Dr.

Hartley. What about us?

You'll be fine.

My mother told me never to trust a man.

Mine did, too.

and noticed he was gone.

Mr. Carlin, aren't you the least bit
upset?

We're not going to have any more
sessions with Dr. Hartley, ever.

Who needs him? I only come here for the
laughs, anyhow.

I can't wait to get home from these
sessions and tell my friends about the

stuff you weirdos say.

Mr. Carlin, you've always told us you
don't have any friends.

And you bought it.

That's really a laugh.

I've lost more friends than the three of
you will ever have.

I don't doubt that for a minute.

I'm really, really going to miss these
sessions, though.

Come on, tiny tears. Let's get out of
here.

Hartley's starting to get mortal on us.

I'd like you all to stay, and we'll
continue the session, and you'll

your feelings about my leaving. Oh, I
don't think I can handle that, Dr.

Hartley. I'm going to go wander the
streets aimlessly, and I am going to

myself into a stupor.

I won't be going for a couple weeks, so
we'll have plenty of time to talk about

it. Yeah, I'll see if I can fit you into
my schedule.

Mr. Carlin, are you sure you're all
right?

Of course.

See you in the funny papers.

Hi, Holly. Hi, dear. How'd it go today?

Rough. Mrs. Bakerman and Mr. Peterson
got hysterical, and then Mr. Carlin took

it from there.

Oh. How was your day?

Well, actually, Bob, you know, I'm
really very proud of myself.

I mean, it was the last day of school,
and they threw me a party, and I didn't

cry one.

I mean, I promised myself no matter what
happened, I was not going to break

down, so I just said my goodbyes, and I
just walked out of there.

Looks like a big girl, huh? Yeah.

I'm very proud of you. Yeah.

Oh, by the way, did you remember to
cancel the newspaper subscription today?

Emily, I promise when we get to Oregon,
I'll buy you a newspaper.

Oh, my very own newspaper.

Hello, Dr. Hartley.

Oh, how are you, Mr. Gerber? Come on in.
Thanks a lot.

Hey, you remember Mr. Gerber, our
landlord?

Oh, the place that we're leaving.

Yeah, sure. Hi there.

Well, you...

Riviera Holiday Units.

This is my favorite floor plan.

Yeah, everybody who comes up here
compliments us on our floor plan.

Well, enough chit -chat.

I have good news, Dr. Hartley.

There will be no problem in your
breaking your lease.

Well, I'm glad to hear that. Oh, that's
good.

You know, we were afraid we'd have to
pay a lease -breaking penalty fee or

something. No, don't be silly. You will,
of course, have to forfeit your rent

deposit, your security deposit, your
garage deposit, your key deposit, and

of your children.

I'm only kidding about the kids.

Well, it's good to have a jolly
landlord.

Hey, wife is short.

I'll just give the apartment a quick
once -over, and then I'll give you back

your cleaning deposit.

I'm sure that your apartment is in
perfect condition.

Oh, my God! What happened there?

Where? This area here. Look at what
happened here. It's all charred. It

like someone was burned at the stake.

That's just a little spot. That was
there when we moved in.

Well, it looks fresh to me, but let's
not quibble.

This is the only area that you've
ravaged.

You're still in good shape.

This holiday Riviera unit is in perfect
condition because I have been cleaning

it for two weeks.

Yes, I'm sure that you and the... How
many animals do you people have?

You know, none.

None? You mean to tell me that a human
being did this?

That's just a little nip.

Howard did that. He was banging his bowl
for more cereal.

What's howling? A buffalo?

Sometimes. Mr.

Gerber, are you going to be this picky
about the whole apartment?

Picky?

Picky?

How do you expect me to feel when my
best unit looks like a gypsy camp?

Mr. Gerber, you're exaggerating.

Yeah, well, maybe.

I'll take a look at the rest of the
apartment before I pass judgment.

Help yourself.

Our home is your home. Looks like you
said that to Barnum and Bailey.

There are better ways, you know, of
telling if your spaghetti is done.

Don't get excited. Wait a minute. I'm a
nice guy.

And you're nice people. I can tell from
all the parties you've had here.

Just let me finish up, and I'll be on my
way.

Hartley, was this carpet ever one color?

Nice guy.

I should have invited him up when the
circus was in town.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.

What's for dinner?

Oh, Howard, dinner won't be ready for a
little while.

That's okay. I just had a pizza.

Could I speak to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, uh, Howard, we wanted to be alone.

We are alone.

Bob and I.

I got an idea. Why don't I sit up on the
couch?

Why didn't I do that?

Um, uh, have you told Howard yet?

Yeah, you're right.

Well, you know, one time like the
present.

Hi, Howard.

Dinner ready?

It's getting there, though. Oh, boy!

Hi, Mr. Gerber.

Oh, how you doing, Borden?

I'm afraid, Hartley, that you will not
be getting back all of your deposit

money. I'm, you know, I'm sorry we let
the place go like this.

It's okay. I'll try to save it I'll come
up tomorrow and hose it down.

Bob, we're not going to get any of our
money back.

Emily, it's worth every penny we lose
just to see that performance.

What are we doing here, Bob?

Oh, that's what I wanted to talk to you
about, Howard.

I've decided to take a whole new
direction in my career.

Good for you, Bob.

Thank you.

I've taken a teaching position at a
small college in Oregon.

No, Bob, I might get tired making that
drive every night.

I don't think you understand.

Does Emily know about this?

She's coming with me.

I could make the drive easier.

Howard, we're leaving Chicago and moving
to Oregon.

and Oregon is going to be our home.

Ah, okay, let me get this straight.

You're giving up your practice, you're
moving out of the building, and you're

moving to Oregon, and I won't be your
neighbor anymore, right?

That's about it, Howard.

Where's Mr.

Carlin? Oh, he called and he said he'd
be late, so why don't we just start

without him? Well, Dr. Hartley, this is
our last time together as a group.

That's right, Mrs. Bacon.

I called Doris last night and told her
you were leaving.

How'd she take it? Not well.

But she was in a bad mood anyway.

She'd just lost a split decision to the
screaming Swede.

That would do it for me.

Dr. Hartley, I don't know how we're
going to get along without you.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Mrs.
Bakerman. I have another psychologist

outside. I'd like to introduce him to
you. Was he supposed to take your place?

Well, no, that's entirely up to you, but
I would like to bring him in here and

you say hello. Well, it won't work for
me, Dr. Hartley.

After you're gone, I'm never going to
see another psychologist, not even

socially.

Dr. Weiler?

Dr. James Weiler is one of the best
psychologists in Chicago.

Why, thank you, Dr. Hartley.

How do you do? How do you do?

Why don't you sit down here? Oh, thank
you. Yes.

Dr. Hartley has told me about your
group.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

You are the ex -Marine, are you?

Yeah. My bull neck always gives me away.

Dr. Hartley, you didn't tell him about
my fantasy with Ed Too Tall Jones.

I think it would be better if he heard
it from you.

Yes, what Dr.

Hartley didn't tell me is that you...

Have such an attractive lady in your
group.

Oh, my.

Are you talking about me, Dr.

Weiler? Well, you must be, Mrs.
Bakerman. You're the only lady in the

you leave this with a clear conscience?

Dr. Weiler, this is Elliot Collins.

I had a feeling it might be.

How do you do?

Who's this bozo?

Dr. Weiler is a psychologist that I'm
recommending to my patients.

Oh, the buck passes here, huh, Harley?

Ridiculous dress.

Ridiculous? This happens to be a
designer original.

Better than that rag you're wearing.

Dr. Hartley, look at us. We're at each
other's throats. How can we get along

without you? Mrs. Bakerman, losing a
psychologist can be a very traumatic

experience.

I just want you to know that I'll be
here to help if you need me.

Why, thank you very much, Dr. Weiler.
That's very comforting.

I think you'll be surprised how easy it
is to transfer your trust to a new

therapist. Oh, Dr. Hartley, I don't
adjust to change very well.

I remember the time Doris decided to
become a liberated woman.

What'd you do, burn her harness?

Mr. Carlin, that's not very nice.

Why don't you knit your lips together,
Bakerman?

Mr. Carlin, you in particular seem to be
very upset to have gone to such

extremes to show your disapproval. What,
this old thing?

Mr. Carlin, I think you're a big bully.
A bully in a dress.

Even in a dress, I'm more of a man than
you are.

You can't say that to me. I'm a
leatherneck.

Please, gentlemen, all of your arguing
has made me drop a stitch.

Excuse me, but I think we can channel
all this emotion into other outlets.

Oh, relax, will you, Wyler? I pay a good
money so I can come here and belittle

Peterson. Oh, yeah? You slip a showing.

You wimp. Bully.

Mr. Carlin, you seem rather hostile this
afternoon.

Oh, yeah? So what?

Did you want to go with that?

Yeah, I guess so.

It all started when I was on the way
over here to this session and I saw a

wearing a better dress than mine.

Bob, giving this goodbye party was a
great idea.

Emily, it was your idea.

I can still like it, can't I?

Look, Bob...

You know what I think would be very
nice?

If we told our friends how we feel about
them.

Fine, and why don't you do it?

No, Bob, I mean, I know it's hard for
you to express your feelings, but,

it would mean so much to them and to me.

All right, I'll do it, if the right
moment presents itself. Okay.

But if when I start talking, you better
not start crying. No, no, Bob, no, I

thought of a little trick.

You see, if I start to break down, see,
what I'm going to do is I'm going to

sing an upbeat tune.

What up in tune?

Well, I only know the words to two
songs, Oklahoma and Melancholy Baby.

Tough choice.

Yahoo!

Oh, Bob, Emily, excuse me for being so
happy, but I just passed my real estate

exam. Oh, Carol, that's wonderful.

And I made a promise to myself I was not
going to get obnoxious and try to sell

property to France.

Not even you two happen to be moving to
Oregon, where I know of this darling

little two -bedroom, two -and -a -half
-bath love grotto with built -ins.

Emily, if I try to sign anything
tonight, you stop me, okay?

Carol, oh, it's so wonderful.

Oh, that gives us a real reason to
celebrate tonight at the goodbye party.

Oh, listen, that reminds me. I have a
favor I'd like to ask you. I mean, it's

just a small thing, but you know, it'd
mean a lot to me.

What is it?

Don't go.

Go on, have an under.

Do I hear a song coming on?

Hey, nice to see you up and around this
late, old -timer.

Yeah, the doctor said I could do it one
day a week.

We're going to miss you.

I say we're going to miss you down by
the office, Graham.

Take care of my wife.

Hi,

Bob. Hi, Emily.

You know, the other day when you said
you were leaving and...

Did I seem flustered?

I didn't notice it, Howard. No, I
thought you took it very calmly, Howard.

Oh, good, because I feel great now. In
fact, I'm hunky -dory.

And I have a surprise with some of the
pictures I took over the years.

Oh, Howard, how sweet.

Can't wait to see them. I didn't come
here to look at pictures.

Good, then the surprise worked.

Howard, this is a picture of a turkey.

Yeah, that was Christmas 1975, and this
is a picture of the dressing.

Howard? Yeah?

These pictures are all of food.

Where are all the people, Howard?

They put the food there.

Oh, that's a good point, Howard.

Howard, maybe we'll look at the rest of
them later.

I suddenly feel very hungry.

Howard,

how do you navigate an airplane?

No, no, no.

You'll have to take lessons just like I
did.

Oh, Emily, this all looks delicious.

Nuts, I didn't bring my camera.

Wow, you realize this may be the last
time we all have dinner together?

out of the big city.

Oh, that's a little trick Emily's using.
Whenever she feels like crying, she's

going to sing Oklahoma.

Oh, sure.

I thought she was moving to Oregon.

Dr. Hartley, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I've got good news.

You get some money back on your cleaning
deposit.

You're kidding.

A dollar seventeen.

What's going on here?

Oh, it's a little farewell party.

Another party.

This should cover it.

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Who was that?

Oh, that's our landlord. I would have
invited him to stay, but I was afraid he

might.

You're not leaving, are you, Jer? Oh,
no, I'm going to stick around here, you

know, straighten teeth.

having meaningless relationships with
lots of women.

I only hope that when my time comes, I
don't make a fool out of myself like

old geezer I know.

Well, I didn't see you want to start the
mushy stuff, but I think it's time for

a toast.

Here, here, here.

To Bob and Emily.

I'd like to wish them the very best of
luck.

And inform them that the little two
-bedroom cottage I mentioned can be had

a song.

Well, I have a toast.

There once was a pirate named Bates who
learned how to rumba on skates. Howard.

Howard.

Too sentimental, Bob?

Right.

Yeah, well, I just want to say I'm going
to miss you guys, too.

Howard, I think Bob had something to say
to all of you.

Yeah, I've been thinking about it,
Emily, and I think...

I really think, you know, you ought to
say it. No, Bob, you go ahead and say

Please, Bob.

Well, it's just that this is, you know,
kind of difficult for me to say.

But, you know, I wouldn't feel right if
I didn't say it. I mean, you know, I

regret it for the rest of my life. And
I'd just like to say that, you know, I

love you guys.

Hey, Bob, we love you, too.

I mean, you know, sometimes I treat
things lightly, but that's only because

hard for me to, you know, let my
feelings out. I don't make friends

But you and Emily have... Yeah, yeah.

We know what you mean, and, uh...
Oklahoma,

where the wind comes sweeping down the
plains.

Where the waving wheat can sure smell
sweet when the wind comes right behind

rain.

Oh,

home every night, my honey lamb and I.
Come on, Howard, come on, sing with us.

can't. I don't even know the words.

I've never even seen South Pacific.