Original subtitles

Now, Billy, what you did was reprehensible.

Thank you, Mrs. Hartley.

Billy, being reprehensible is not an achievement.

It is when you're 10.

Alice, I told you I didn't want to be disturbed.

What emergency?

We're out of paste?

Alice, don't panic. We've been out of paste before.

No, we don't have to close the school down.

Yes, I will take full responsibility.

Yes?

Hi. Oh, listen, you're busy. I'll just wait. No, no, no, Carol. No, no, no,

you're busy. I haven't got time. No, you're busy. Carol, sit.

Sorry,

Carol. Just have it.

I was so down from job hunting, I just wanted to look at a friendly face.

Thanks, kid.

Yes, Alice.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Substitute teacher locked herself in a closet who will not come out until the

children return her wig.

You stay right there, Billy.

So,

what

are you in for?

Frogs. Is this your first offense?

Aha! A three -time frogger.

Fun, huh?

Well, frogs may not be that serious, but that's only the beginning, you know.

Pretty soon you move on to spitballs. Next thing it's tacks on your seat, and

before you know it, you're using the hard stuff.

Nuclear weapons.

Boy, would that make Mrs. Hartley mad.

Poor woman.

Totally bald.

Hi, Billy.

Late, and I'm tired.

This is your last warning. No more frogs or I'm calling your parents.

Mrs. Hartley, I'm finished with frogs forever.

Good. It's time to move on.

Rough day, huh?

Normal.

Well, at least you have a job. Yeah, you want it.

How do you handle the stress?

Well, you know, it's something you learn.

And besides, my principal, Mr. Bannister, is a big help. He always has

words to help me cope.

I am going to kill myself. Excuse me.

Boy, that guy could use a pep talk from Principal Bannister.

That is Principal Bannister.

Phil, I'd like you to meet Carol Bondurant. How do you do?

Phil, what's the matter?

We got the reading scores back.

That bad?

Worst in the history of the school ever.

And you know what that means?

Head will roll.

Come on, Phil. No, no, no, believe me. The parents are going to be furious.

They're going to be looking for a scapegoat. And guess who that will be?

Well, now, maybe the parents won't find out.

It'll be in tonight's newspaper.

The only way they won't find out is if they ask their kids to read it to them.

Maybe it won't be that bad.

No, no, no, I am through.

I know it. I know it. I just hope they don't hurt me physically.

Come on, Phil, stop it.

Sure, you're worried now you're under pressure, but you'll find some way to

it out. No, I won't.

Emily, I... Emily, you know, I believe you are right.

Certainly. Things can't possibly be as bad as they seem. I shall have to handle

this matter like an educator.

Like an administrator of many years' experience, which is exactly what I

to be. That's right.

Well, ladies, shall we go home?

Yeah, I guess it is about that time. Good, good. I will walk you to your car.

Oh, thank you. Thanks.

All right, run for it!

Thank you, Emily. Thanks a lot.

Thanks for what you said and for listening. Oh, honey, anytime.

Hi, Emily. You decent?

What if I wasn't, Howard? What if I was standing here totally undressed?

That's your house.

Hi, Carol.

Hi, Howard. I was just on my way out. Well, you're going in the right

Have I had to sell your blood yet?

Hi, Emily.

Hi, Gerald. What are you two up to?

We were just playing cards in Howard's apartment. Thought we'd come up and see

how you're getting along without Bob.

Need any jars open?

Everything's fine.

I'm going to jump into a hot bath.

I sure miss Bob when he's gone.

Look, Jer, Bob's couch.

Remember when he used to sit right here?

Look, I hate to throw you two guys. Remember when he used to sit over in

spot there?

It's really been a long time. Remember when he used to sit in the middle there?

Yeah, Bob, he did it all.

Remember when he used to put his little head on his little pillow?

Look, Jer, Bob's little pillow.

Remember when he used to say, Howard, go home?

Yeah, Howard, go home.

Howard, go home.

That's very good, but Bob does it better.

For once, I know what Howard's talking about. I really miss the little guy,

I mean, after all, we're best friends.

What'd you say?

I just think that Bob and I, you know, are best friends.

You're not Bob's best friend.

I'm Bob's best friend. Oh, Howard, come off it. Does he live in your building?

Does he let you put your hands in his mouth?

Nobody would if I lost something in it.

Everybody knows that Bob and I are best friends. Well, I don't know it. You

don't know anything.

Don't change the subject.

Okay, I know who gets it. Well, it's Emily. Emily, who's Bob's best friend?

I am.

Come on, Emily, get serious.

Okay, if you're his best friend, what's his favorite color? Blue. Red. Gray.

Gray? Who's got gray for a favorite color? Your best friend.

All right, stop this silliness, okay?

What's his pet peeve?

People who tailgate. Wet newspapers.

Bad service in restaurants.

I just go to show you that certain people don't tell certain things to

wives or casual acquaintances. His favorite food?

Steak. Bob loves steak. He likes steak, but he loves lobster.

Yes, but he adores meatloaf. Ah, yeah.

His favorite song. I know this.

Stardust. Smoke is in your eyes. Autumn leaves.

You two are guessing.

Why don't we just call Bob and ask him? You're on board and okay, Emily. Do you

know Bob's hotel telephone number? This is silly, guys. I mean, but I will call

him. How come you didn't call him? I'm his best friend.

He married me.

Only because you're a woman.

Hot for me.

Yeah, look, Emily, I'm supposed to be out of this room. I overslept and it's

past checkout time.

Yeah, so why don't I call you from the airport?

What?

I guess green.

Yeah, look, I really have to... I don't know.

Roast duck.

What about meatloaf?

Emily, people who talk out loud in theaters.

The theme from The High and the Mighty.

Emily?

Listen, I really... I really should be getting out of here.

I guess the old man in the seat.

Emily?

Principal Bannister come in yet?

Well, let me know as soon as you hear from him.

A what?

A delegation of parents?

Are they carrying torches?

Yeah. Okay, I'll see him.

Yes?

Mrs. Hartley, Sal Patron, irate parent.

And I'm Wanda Moss, concerned mother of nine, with one pending.

Won't you come in and sit down? Thank you, Mrs. Hartley.

See, I spent a lot of time in this office.

Oh, really? Did you go to this school?

Yeah, raised once for weight.

Best ten years of my life.

Well, uh, what can I do for you? Mrs. Hartley, we represent the members of

Wicoka. Wicoka? Yeah. Why can't our kids read?

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't familiar with, uh... With Coker.

With Coker, Mrs. Hartley, is a group of parents who have children at this

school. The group has long been concerned with the continuing decline in

quality of education.

Oh, really?

Oh, when did this group start?

Last night.

And here's a list of our non -negotiable demands.

Uh, you don't teach reading, do you? I gotta get back to work in an hour.

Mr. Patron?

These demands are unreasonable.

Immediate resignation of the principal.

Hey, when a team loses, they fire the coach.

Return to structured classrooms, limited curriculum, corporal punishment. I

mean, these are the kind of things we've been trying to move away from.

If our demands aren't met, we'll pull our kids out of school. We'll close this

place down. And we'll keep them out until something is done.

Look.

I mean, I'm just the vice principal, and I'm sure if Principal Bannister were

here, he would suggest that we all sit down and try and work this out. We've

already got a meeting set tonight at 8 o 'clock, and you and the principal

better be at it.

Well, we'll be here.

Will he be able to read?

Not right away.

principal banister shown up yet?

Oh, never mind. He just came in.

Well, Emily, how is it going, eh?

How is it going, Phil?

We're in chaos here.

I mean, angry telegrams, threatening phone calls, hostile committees.

I'm sure you had a very good reason for not being here.

Nope.

Bill, you feel all right?

Never better. You see, Emily, people handle pressures differently.

Now, some people drink, some stuff themselves, some pop pills.

I travel.

I beg your pardon?

You've heard that saying, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Well, I'm going to Montana.

There we are.

How do you like it?

Phil, what are you talking about?

Emily, you are in charge of the school, and I am going fishing.

Phil, you can't lay this off on me. I mean, we're in crisis here. I know

exactly why I'm leaving. However, if things get too rough, just give me a

okay? There is my number.

Oh.

Well, that does it.

I'm calling his parents.

Emily, why are you so upset? Now, this is not your job. You're still just vice

principal.

Well, I mean, the superintendent did say you would take over the meeting for me.

I told him I'd let him know he's going to call later.

Oh, great. Then you're off the hook.

Oh, Carol.

After what Principal Bannister did, I am a little sensitive towards having to do

with fishing.

You see, I have the feeling that the superintendent is watching to see how I

handle this. You know, offering his help is a kind of test.

Sure, to see if he'll take the bait.

Oh, sorry.

You see, if I assume this responsibility, I mean, I could wind up

principal. Emily, if you really don't want to do this, I'm sure there's a

responsible way for you to worm out of it. Oh! I'm sorry. I swear I'm not doing

this on purpose. I swear.

Are you through?

Sorry. All you have to do is tell me not to do something, and I fall for it

hook, line, and... Now I'm through. Well, then... You know, it could get

pretty rough in there tonight. But, you know, on the other hand, I mean, I

really want to do something to help this... schools. Well, why don't you

Bob and see what he thinks? I thought about that, Carol.

You know, I'd really like to make this decision on my own.

Besides, Bob's got bigger fish to fry. Oh, God, now I'm doing it myself.

Okay, I may call Bob. We're going to settle this thing once and for all.

this is stupid.

Are you two still arguing over who's Bob's best friend? Howard is arguing. I

think this whole thing is childish.

Right, I'm his best friend. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

That's him. Oh, how can you tell, Howard?

I'm his best friend. I can recognize the ring.

Lord, I am expecting a call.

Before you say anything, just answer one thing. Who's your best friend?

Joel Katzman?

Joel Katzman's his best friend.

Hello.

Hello, Superintendent.

Wait, he asked me to ask him to pick up the airport. I'll tell him, go get Joel

Katzman.

Well, no, I really gave it a lot of thought.

And I've decided I'd like to handle the meeting myself tonight.

Yeah, thank you.

I'm going to meet it.

Oh, dear.

Joel Katzman, I'm going to go downstairs and tear up all my Bob Hartley

pictures.

See, Howard, you don't understand.

Bob doesn't even know Joel Katzman. He doesn't even know him. He likes him

better than me.

Can't we have him declared something?

All you're going to do is... That's terrific. What made you decide?

No, I mean, I just decided that I'm going to do this thing. I mean, I

that I'm bright enough and I'm strong enough and I'm experienced enough to

handle this thing. I just want to do it.

There's only one thing that I need. What's that?

Come with me, please.

Who

made

the cupcakes?

My future homemakers.

Aren't they yum -yum?

I was thinking if things got hot tonight, they'd be great to throw.

Trouble?

No, no, Mr. Creeper. Patron, you always were a bad egg. Now straighten up and

fly right.

Yes, Mr. Creeper.

Creeper, Creeper, face like a... Well,

here goes.

Oh, relax, Emily. It'll go like clockwork.

Careful.

Well, here goes nothing. Oh, go get him, Tiger.

Please take their seats.

Please.

Hey, how come the teachers get the good seats?

On your lip, Patron.

For those of you who don't know, I'm Emily Hartley, Vice Principal, and we're

here to... Hey, where's Bannister?

One procedural thing.

In the interest of saving time, I'm going to ask you to raise your hands and

recognized before speaking.

Mr. Patron.

Where's Bannister?

That saved a lot of time.

Principal Bannister was unexpectedly called out of town.

Chickened out, huh?

Patron, you're asking for trouble.

Ah, hello.

I'm sure we're all agreed that this is a very serious situation.

You're all going to have a chance to be heard and your comments will be duly

noted.

Oh, I'm sorry. Miss Nightingale.

I've been a teacher many, many years.

And I've... I would like to make a suggestion to help this meeting run much

smoothly. Oh, please.

I think we should raise one finger for questions and two for wee -wee.

a lot of important business to discuss and I don't think we should get bogged

down in triviality. Mr.

Patron. I think we should vote on it.

All against.

The motion carries.

The window will remain closed.

Mr. Patron.

I still say it should have been a secret ballot.

Good. Now can we please get back to the business of the reading school?

I think the problem is some of the progressive, newfangled teaching methods

this school are going too far.

Mrs. Hunzinger?

Miss. Miss.

I am aware that certain progressive teaching methods are under the gun.

Still, I for one would like to speak out boldly on their behalf.

My children, butterfly and truth.

The new methods have helped them blossom forth from within themselves, relate

more fully to their fellow human beings, and become aware of the glorious

wonders of our universe.

Please, I'm not saying don't teach them to read. Just wait till they're ready.

Why, just this morning a student came to me and said,

Miss Hunsinger,

I feel I'm ready to learn to read. Yeah, he was 26.

Please, please.

Mrs. Moss, Mrs. Hartley, you know where we stand.

What I want to know is, where do you stand?

Mrs. Hartley, I feel it's your duty as our acting principal to stand behind

teachers 100%. Yeah, you do, and those kids are gone tomorrow.

All right, everybody with me on that?

Miss Nightingale.

I've been a teacher many, many years. Yeah, she came over on the Mayflower.

Sorry,

Creeper. I guess it was the ark.

Sorry, sir.

Will you continue, Miss Nightingale?

I think the problem with the children is they are not having the proper

nutrition.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

I bake blueberry muffins every morning.

And there's no better smell than freshly baked blueberry muffins. And they taste

good, too.

So, let's all put our heads down on the desks, close our eyes, and just think

about my muffins.

I know what is wrong with this school.

It has nothing to do with your muffins.

It has to do with law and order.

These kids, the poor little dears. Well, it's a rough world out there. There is

no free lunch.

That's just what we need. Free lunch, tomato soup, and freshly grilled nippy

sandwiches.

I think her nippy's grilled.

That's what I'm talking about.

We kept guys like Patron in line by sitting on them. Dog face.

I heard that.

Please, just come on.

And Mrs. Hartley, you're supposed to be in charge here. I think it's about time

you told us where you stood.

All right.

I promise each and every one of you that the test scores of our

kids will go up with the very next test.

How can you possibly promise that, Mrs. Hartley? Because the teachers are going

to work a lot harder. I mean, we're going to take a look at everything

going on in this school, the old and the new.

and we're going to keep what's working, and we're going to throw out what isn't.

Hey, I'm for that.

You're going to have to work hard, too.

Maybe a lot harder than we do.

Because you're going to have to start turning off those television sets once

a while.

You're going to have to start reading to your kids, letting your kids read to

you. You know, it wouldn't hurt if some of you started reading once in a while.

Read?

What do you mean, like books?

But why should the children read if the parents don't?

Okay, let's give Mrs. Hartley a chance. Sure.

All right, come on.

I like what you do. You feel good about it?

Well, that's great then.

All right. It's all settled.

All right. Unless there are any other questions?

No. Oh, it's not you.

No. Two fingers.

This meeting is adjourned.

Hey, Mrs.

Hartley, you did a real good job.

I hope they make your principal full -time. Oh, thank you, Mr. Patron. And

they do, dump Creva.

Patron, that does it. Come to my office. I didn't do nothing, Creva. Same old

song. I didn't do nothing.

You know, sitting there, I decided to name my tenth child Emily.

Why, thank you, Mrs. Moss. That's quite an honor.

Not if it's a boy.

It's just standard procedure.

Oh, I forgot my purse. Okay.

Yeah!