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1
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,676
Okay, writers, here are
your informational resources
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00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,136
on Deborah Marie Vance.
3
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,971
You have biographical
background,
4
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,306
joke areas approved,
joke areas refused,
5
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,725
as well as several
character quirks
6
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,018
that you should be aware of.
7
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,061
If you get carsick
while reading,
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00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,313
just focus on a fixed object
on the horizon,
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00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:26,776
because this reading
is required.
10
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,160
Are we all done?
11
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,620
Great.
What are your pitches?
12
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:39,705
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,165
Let's back it up a second.
14
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,791
Why don't we start
with some icebreakers?
15
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,043
I'll go first.
16
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,419
Uh, my name is Ava Daniels.
17
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,212
I'm from Waltham,
Massachusetts.
18
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,048
And one thing about me is,
19
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,966
I recently became allergic
to shrimp.
20
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,259
- Who wants to go next?
- Me.
21
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,719
I'm Deborah Vance,
22
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,512
and one thing about me is,
I love pitches.
23
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,597
Got any?
24
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,681
- Ooh.
- Uh...
25
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,475
Why don't we
ease into working
26
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,643
by getting to know each other
a little bit better first?
27
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,978
Why?
28
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,939
They're writing for me.
I'm not writing for them.
29
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:16,033
- What is your problem?
- What happened to our truce?
30
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,367
Nothing!
31
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,994
We agreed to put
our personal differences aside
32
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,704
and never speak of them again,
but that doesn't mean,
33
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,748
creatively, I have to agree
with all your stupid ideas.
34
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,958
The point is
to warm up to each other.
35
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,835
We're supposed to bond, mingle,
36
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,378
play "Cards Against Humanity,"
37
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,631
if you would have given me
two seconds to grab my deck.
38
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,925
You know how much work
we have to do.
39
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,843
We do not have the time
to find out,
40
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,887
you know, what their last names
are and all that shit.
41
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,180
But this is a retreat.
42
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,182
I called it that
because, legally,
43
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,975
I was advised that I couldn't
take them into an office
44
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,018
over the weekend.
45
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,686
You're insane!
46
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,773
Listen, I have been
in writers' rooms before.
47
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,567
You can't just throw people
together on day one
48
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,945
and expect them
to churn out material.
49
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,489
Well, I'm not playing
slip, slap, slop with them.
50
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,616
Okay.
51
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,868
Clearly, we are not gonna
see eye to eye on this.
52
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:03,956
But at the very minimum,
we have to tell them
53
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,708
exactly what kind of show
we are trying to make.
54
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,752
Fine. I can do that.
55
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,088
Okay.
56
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,715
- High-five me.
- What?
57
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,884
High-five me.
They're definitely looking.
58
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,220
We need to show unity.
59
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,391
- Let go.
- No!
60
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:23,434
Let go!
61
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,323
Follow me.
62
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,535
A few steps behind is fine.
63
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,593
Yes!
64
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,095
This way.
65
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,809
Okay.
66
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,729
The room where it happens.
67
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,064
Okay, we've got cantaloupe
and saltines.
68
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:13,568
Everybody, dig in
and let's get to work.
69
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:21,617
So I've had a long time
to think about this.
70
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,786
The reason late night works
71
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,914
is not because of the format,
72
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,499
but because of the person.
73
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,461
We didn't say, did you see
"The Tonight Show"?
74
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:36,256
We said, did you see Carson
or did you see Letterman?
75
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,134
It's a person you let into
your house late at night
76
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,511
and you go to bed with.
77
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,180
So how do we make
millions of people
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00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,224
wanna go to bed with me?
79
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,184
They need to get to know me.
80
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,269
They need to understand me.
81
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,813
That means every
monologue joke we write,
82
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,107
every desk bit, every sketch,
83
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,567
every interview question
84
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:59,864
has to be specific to me
and something only I can do.
85
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,699
And more importantly,
86
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,743
this needs to be
the number one late night show
87
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:05,827
within three months.
88
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,747
- Uh.
- Whoa.
89
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,583
Deborah, my friend,
can we talk outside for a sec?
90
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,752
Sure.
91
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,255
That's, like, really soon.
92
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,674
You cannot tell them
it needs to be
93
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,467
the number one show on day one.
94
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,261
That is such insane pressure.
95
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,555
Winnie says that we have
to save late night comedy.
96
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:28,350
And if we go from being new kid
on the block to number one,
97
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,851
that proves it's not dead.
98
00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:32,229
And I want to be number one
because I can be.
99
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,730
Okay.
100
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,565
Perhaps we could start by
giving them a smaller target
101
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,985
than global number one hit.
102
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,654
God!
103
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,531
Okay.
104
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,741
I understand that
some of you were hired
105
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:48,078
to write monologue jokes
and others to write sketches.
106
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,999
But for this weekend,
I would like us all to focus
107
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,210
on the first episode opener.
108
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,796
Now, the very best
late-night premieres
109
00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,632
have kicked off with a buzzy,
hilarious segment
110
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,843
that grabs
the audience's attention
111
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,178
and sets the tone
for the entire show.
112
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,557
Conan ran across the country
to his new stage in LA.
113
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:12,394
Letterman's was in the style of
Boris Karloff's "Frankenstein."
114
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,854
So what will mine be?
115
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,439
Go.
116
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,982
Oh. Um, right now?
117
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,650
If you don't have anything,
let's move along.
118
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,985
You.
119
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,821
Uh, uh, maybe it's
like a bunker situation,
120
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,990
where you've been in,
like, a bomb shelter
121
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,284
for the past 45 years?
122
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,786
Yeah, maybe you went down
there to get a bottle of wine
123
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,539
and the door locked behind you.
124
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,875
And you've been surviving
off canned beans.
125
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,335
Yeah.
126
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,463
Yeah, and you can't
stop farting 'cause--
127
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,257
'cause of the beans.
128
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:46,595
Huh.
129
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,221
It's--it's interesting
direction, you guys.
130
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,681
It's really cool to see
how your minds work.
131
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,183
So, anything else?
132
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,226
Oh, maybe
a sports movie parody,
133
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:55,479
like a "Rudy" style thing,
but it's Deborah,
134
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,230
who's never been in the game.
135
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,442
Shoulder pads have always
been flattering on my frame.
136
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,695
And all of her teammates can
be veteran late-night hosts.
137
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:04,905
We can get some
really fun cameos.
138
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,323
Yeah.
139
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,574
And they can dump
a Gatorade cooler on you,
140
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:08,659
but it's full of glitter.
141
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,997
And one of them accidentally
punches you in the boob.
142
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:16,876
It's--actually,
"SNL" might have done it.
143
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,253
That man is a riff killer.
144
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:21,838
- Let's go fire him.
- No.
145
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,548
Maybe that's how he acts
when he's nervous.
146
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,092
I mean,
you haven't exactly created
147
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,760
the warmest environment
for creativity.
148
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,303
You're giving their jokes
nothing.
149
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,223
Well, and you're giving them
too much with your...
150
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,600
Please, at least
just smile at them.
151
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,061
Oh, wow, you're telling
a woman to smile,
152
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,230
when you made such a scene when
my dear friend, Dave Blaine,
153
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,815
was simply giving you advice.
154
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,525
Just be a little nicer
to Nate.
155
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,984
What do you want me to do,
give him a hand job?
156
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,694
- Jesus.
- He's a loser.
157
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:45,863
God!
158
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,116
What if we do
a "Twilight Zone" send-up
159
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,201
to highlight the absurdity
that there has
160
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,829
never been a woman at 11:30?
161
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,163
Um, anything else?
162
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,498
Maybe you're stuck
at the DMV,
163
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,083
and they aren't
calling your number,
164
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,627
and you realize you've been
there for, like, 45 years.
165
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,462
And all of the numbers
they are calling
166
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,840
are just for, like,
white men in suits named Jimmy.
167
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,716
Okay. Maybe.
168
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,218
Um, or how about
a beauty pageant sketch?
169
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,679
We can talk about how pleasing
I am to the eyes,
170
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,097
compared to the guys
in the suits.
171
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,723
I don't know
if we wanna overload
172
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,267
too early
on the appearance stuff.
173
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,351
It'd be funny.
174
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,186
I mean, TV is a visual medium.
175
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,604
Who likes my pitch?
Show of hands.
176
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,982
No, don't.
You can't make them do that.
177
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,984
Who thinks that
I can make you do that?
178
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,569
Show of hands.
179
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,821
Uh, uh, I do.
180
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,322
Good. Okay.
181
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,199
Uh, what did you like
about my pitch?
182
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,951
I think it's good.
183
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,496
But don't--don't you think
it's potentially reductive?
184
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,748
True. I see both points.
185
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,000
But isn't funny, funny?
186
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,210
- Yes. Funny is funny.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,920
And if funny is funny,
this is a comedy show.
188
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,046
We should do funny.
189
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,047
Right.
190
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,257
You're pressuring her.
191
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,050
You don't wanna do it, right?
192
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:52,429
I think it could be funny,
193
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,639
which is obviously funny.
194
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,142
And then I also see
how we could think
195
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,977
of something funnier,
some of the smartest
196
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,520
people I know around here.
197
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,315
Okay, so what would be
funnier?
198
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,735
Um, one second, Miss.
199
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,528
No, you don't have
to answer right now.
200
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,155
We're all trying to think
of something funny.
201
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,698
That's what we're doing here.
202
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,116
Okay, but--but if you didn't
have something funnier,
203
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,202
why did you say that?
204
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,495
I'm sorry.
205
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,413
D-don't apologize.
I'm asking seriously.
206
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,207
It's just my sister's
baby shower today,
207
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,708
and I'm missing it.
208
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,001
My mom keeps texting me,
which is--but I think
209
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,336
I'm just actually hungry.
210
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,795
Really?
Could have fooled me.
211
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:26,963
You cleaned out the cantaloupe.
212
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,215
Let's take five.
213
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,382
I'm sorry if I ate
too much cantaloupe.
214
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,592
You are fine.
215
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,968
We can't keep
going on like this.
216
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,803
It's torture.
217
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,765
You really think that if they
have a good time,
218
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,184
they'll work harder
and write better material?
219
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,852
Yes.
220
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,395
Fine.
221
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:45,106
I will show them the best
weekend of their lives,
222
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:48,861
right before I grind
their bones to dust.
223
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,367
Okay, who wants to have
some fun?
224
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,286
Yes?
225
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,289
No, it's--
226
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:02,916
Winner gets a grand.
227
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,585
- Oh, okay.
- Shit. Okay.
228
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,298
Ready?
229
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,427
Three, two, one, go!
230
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:32,947
Fuck.
231
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,756
Buh-bye.
232
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,722
Whoo!
233
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,727
I beat ya. I beat ya.
I beat ya. I beat ya.
234
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,980
Okay. Okay. Okay.
235
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,275
You're a good man.
236
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:11,944
Cheers!
237
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,489
Anybody need a rainbow roll?
238
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:17,657
Whoo!
239
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,576
Team building.
240
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,578
Build it up.
241
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,999
I have to grab my car,
so I'm exiting the bus.
242
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,834
And anyone who gets on the bus,
243
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,588
once I leave,
I have no knowledge of.
244
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,843
What's up, party people?
245
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,679
Welcome to Vegas.
246
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,557
I got Molly, weed, G.
247
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,850
And if you're feeling
really crazy,
248
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:46,061
I got 12-year-old cans
of Four Loko.
249
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,022
Okay, let's do the drugs.
250
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,126
Yes, you!
Come on, Deborah.
251
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,087
- Me?
- On the stage.
252
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,214
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
253
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,507
Oh, no.
254
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,133
Oh. Are you serious?
255
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,136
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Ah!
256
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,113
Let's go, Las Vegas!
257
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,156
A piece of poker advice.
258
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,742
It's about ranges, not hands.
259
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,244
Oh. Ooh.
260
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,620
- Don't embarrass me.
- Okay.
261
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,330
Yay!
262
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:50,291
- My loves are back at last!
- Oh.
263
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,085
Wait.
What are you guys doing here?
264
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,337
I'm here with my new writers.
We're on a retreat.
265
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,756
They're trying to figure out an
opening for my first episode.
266
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:58,299
Ooh.
267
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,009
You should do a turn reveal
like "The Real Housewives."
268
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,761
This would be mine.
269
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,389
I can deal with whatever
life brings my way,
270
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,099
and I love that about me.
271
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,267
Awesome.
272
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,768
You should write for my show.
273
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,771
Oh, Deb, you know
I love you, but I hate LA.
274
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,897
It's too cold.
275
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,191
Okay. Come on.
276
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,402
- Yeah!
- Yes! Yes!
277
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,487
Yes! Yeah.
278
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,781
You kids stick with me.
Mama's hot tonight!
279
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,408
Ooh, you bust again.
280
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,077
- Damn.
- I forgot how bad you are.
281
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,871
I'm not that--
I'm not that bad.
282
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,414
I wanna hear all about
your new gig.
283
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,875
Actually,
I have a break right now.
284
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,334
Come on.
285
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,044
I'll say great things
about you guys, obviously.
286
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,504
Glowing reviews.
287
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,881
Okay.
288
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,216
Okay, Miss Head Writer.
289
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,886
I'm so proud of you.
290
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,722
It is so cool to see how far
you and Deborah have come.
291
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,808
Like, I remember when you were
her total servant-bitch,
292
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,436
intern-babygirl,
straight slurping her abuse,
293
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,896
like, one month ago.
294
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,481
No, dude.
You'd be so proud of me.
295
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,357
You remember how we had that
conversation about setting
296
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,442
- boundaries with Deborah?
- Mm-hmm.
297
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,485
Well, I did.
298
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,944
Basically dommed her ass.
299
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,071
See, I knew you had
a bad bitch inside of you.
300
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,656
Deborah didn't.
301
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:06,993
She wasn't gonna give me the
head writer job, so I took it.
302
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:08,536
What do you mean,
you took it?
303
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:11,247
I mean, like,
I had leverage over her,
304
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:13,291
and I used it to my advantage.
305
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,459
Like blackmail?
306
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,252
Yep.
307
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,587
Oh, no, no. Wait.
308
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,714
That's so sad
and dark and horrible.
309
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,424
- What are you talking about?
- No, I'm serious.
310
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,009
That makes me really sad.
311
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,220
Like, the two of you had
such a good thing going.
312
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,846
I just did what
Deborah would have done.
313
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:30,434
Sure, babe,
but it's just not very you.
314
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,853
Well, don't worry about it.
315
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,814
We--we made a truce,
so we're moving past it.
316
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,858
A truce with Deborah?
317
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:40,485
No, girl.
318
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,487
Deborah holds grudges forever,
319
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,489
even if the person
didn't do anything.
320
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,157
Have I ever told you
about Tiffany?
321
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,158
No.
322
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,160
Tiffany had my job before me,
323
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,037
but Deborah had
a losing streak with her.
324
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,832
And then, one night,
she didn't stop Deborah
325
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,250
from hitting at 17.
326
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,126
And then she pulled a jack.
327
00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,713
That was her last game
in America.
328
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,173
Deborah got her deported?
329
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,552
No, but she also didn't
stop it from happening.
330
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:09,472
Anyways, Tiffany works
in Macau now, as a doctor.
331
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:11,057
She's, like, really fulfilled.
332
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,602
I hit Like on all her posts.
333
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,236
That's why I don't date
other dealers.
334
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,239
Yeah. No, totally.
335
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,533
Um, where'd everybody go?
336
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,451
I think they
ditched you, baby.
337
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,619
No.
338
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,662
They would not ditch me.
339
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,497
I'm the head writer.
340
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,332
Oh, my God! They ditched me!
341
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,750
How do you know?
342
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:39,502
Because I installed
Find My on Deborah's cell,
343
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,337
'cause she kept losing it
in the east wing of her house.
344
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:42,714
I know she goes there to poop.
345
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,215
I gotta go. Bye.
346
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,384
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I got engaged,
347
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,552
but I'm not marrying him.
348
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,889
- Amazing.
- Text me!
349
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,725
Welcome to
a Vegas institution.
350
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,101
Grab some tables in the front.
351
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,937
Is that everybody?
Okay, here we go.
352
00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,814
What the hell?
353
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,149
You left me?
354
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,775
You told me
to curate a fun vibe.
355
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,277
I thought it would help
by abandoning you.
356
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,820
It was working.
357
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,947
- Hello!
- Loretta!
358
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,407
Hi, Deborah.
359
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,284
Thank you for hooking me
and my writers up.
360
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,661
Anytime, baby.
I love your ass.
361
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,330
- Oh, you are the best.
- Aw.
362
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,498
Now, don't none of y'all
fall in love.
363
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,208
I promise you,
they don't love you back.
364
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,586
Eva!
365
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,713
It's Ava, but hey.
366
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,131
Girl, get on in there.
367
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,884
I used to play trivia
with this bitch.
368
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,638
What the fuck? Right?
369
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,600
- Let's do a toast!
- Yeah.
370
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,353
- Yeah, to Laughing Out Loud.
- Yeah.
371
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,771
I coined that phrase.
372
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,733
I've been saying LOL
since 1991.
373
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:45,903
Cheers!
374
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:52,116
Deborah, I got you
a little congratulations gift
375
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,910
for your late-night gig.
376
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,662
Cherry!
377
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,915
Custom lap dance,
free of charge.
378
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,041
Ah, that's okay.
379
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,876
I really don't--oh, okay.
380
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:02,919
Wow.
381
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,629
So your own late-night show.
382
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,422
That's so exciting.
383
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,507
It is.
384
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:08,967
When do you premiere, mama?
385
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,802
Um, uh, four weeks.
386
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,136
Wow.
387
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,596
I'm surprised you
have time for this.
388
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,307
What are you doing here?
389
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,892
Good question.
390
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:18,893
Thanks.
391
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,104
This was inspiring. Gotta go.
392
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,605
Ava! Ava.
393
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,482
Ava! Get back to work.
394
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,858
- Now?
- Yes.
395
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,944
Listen, for the opening,
we can do a version
396
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,613
of some kind of
a man on the street segment.
397
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,031
Take your top off!
398
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:34,742
We are getting into
a creative flow, sir.
399
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:38,287
Deborah, sit down
or take your top off.
400
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,081
I know you got them thangs.
401
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,541
Oh, God. Come on.
402
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,961
You, me,
champagne room right now.
403
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,339
Hey, ladies.
404
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,299
Hey.
You don't need to do all that.
405
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,051
We're just here to find
a quiet place to write.
406
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,387
Well, do you mind if I chill
and look at my phone?
407
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,139
It's my only time
to be non-verbal.
408
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,682
- Sure.
- What do you want?
409
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,017
Either you pitch or I pitch.
410
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,309
If you're not gonna pitch
on my pitches,
411
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,853
then you gotta pitch
your own pitches.
412
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,312
I am getting to the point
where the word pitch
413
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:04,480
has lost all meaning.
414
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,690
We're in a strip club.
415
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,066
We're not working right now.
416
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,276
You have to!
417
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,527
It's 3:00 a.m.,
and we have nothing.
418
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,570
You need to calm down.
419
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,113
There's no time to calm down.
420
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,533
If you're not gonna help me,
then they need to.
421
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,036
- Bye!
- Bye.
422
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,246
There they are,
my beautiful little writers.
423
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,581
Anybody got any pitches yet?
424
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,707
- Anybody? Anybody?
- Deborah!
425
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,292
I got an idea for the opening.
426
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,669
Finally. I knew I liked you.
427
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,880
What if you come down
on a stripper pole,
428
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,508
but it's actually a fire pole
because of the fire?
429
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,218
It was in the binder.
430
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,678
You're fired.
431
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,096
Sit down. You are not fired.
432
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,931
It's my show,
so it's my call. You're fired.
433
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:41,059
Well, I'm the head writer,
so it's actually my call too.
434
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,560
You are not fired. Sit down.
435
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,020
Don't listen to her.
Listen to me. You're fired!
436
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,480
No, you are not. Sit down.
437
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,440
If I only get one chance,
so do you. You're fired.
438
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,400
This is famously
your second chance.
439
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,985
Oh!
440
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,403
You see? I was right.
441
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,696
We were riffing,
and he killed it.
442
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,198
Okay, enough.
443
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,325
You and I are gonna work alone
and decide on an area,
444
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,786
let the writers go to sleep
and sober up for tomorrow.
445
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:00,913
Fine! Let's go.
446
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:03,915
Oh.
447
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,833
Great first day, guys.
448
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,502
Samira, I love your dry wit.
449
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,712
Eliot, more like El-O-L.
450
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,047
- Rose, you took it in stride...
- Ava!
451
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,548
When I forgot your name.
Sorry.
452
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:13,967
I will email the rest of you.
453
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,012
Unreal.
454
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,680
I can't believe you tried
to fire someone on day one.
455
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,141
You are being so unreasonable.
456
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,559
I'm not being unreasonable.
457
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,728
I'm being tough
because the job is tough.
458
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,605
I mean, if they can't handle
a weekend of partying
459
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,148
in Las Vegas,
how are they gonna handle
460
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,983
the grind of late night?
461
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,820
They have to be funny,
even when they're exhausted
462
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,655
and it's 3:00 a.m.
and they've been doing it
463
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:40,701
over and over again, all day,
every day, 5 shows a week,
464
00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:43,205
20 shows a month,
month after month.
465
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,958
I need people who can keep up.
466
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,795
Oh, crap!
467
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:57,969
You don't have drugs, do you?
468
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,221
No. I don't think so.
469
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,514
Hello.
470
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:02,723
I am not drunk.
471
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,517
Well, I pulled you over
for speeding,
472
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,269
but now I have to give you
a breathalyzer.
473
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,688
- Absolutely not.
- Just do it. You're not drunk.
474
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,606
My lawyer advised me
not to do one.
475
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,066
They malfunction all the time.
476
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,485
Ma'am, I suggest you comply.
477
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,362
I am a U.S. citizen
on American ground.
478
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,156
This is beyond--
do you know my name?
479
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,699
You're about to find out.
480
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,952
Ma'am, please get out
of the vehicle.
481
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,162
I'm live on Instagram.
482
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,872
You are being recorded
and broadcast
483
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,374
directly to six witnesses.
484
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,626
Five. Four witnesses.
485
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:31,919
Five! He's back. Five!
486
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,630
Both of you, out now.
487
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,049
What?
488
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:38,969
Now!
489
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:43,890
Hey, what's going on?
490
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,684
You're not gonna believe
this one, brother.
491
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,020
What are you doing?
492
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,730
Trying to get my phone.
493
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:55,568
I sneaked it into my waistband
when that cop took my purse.
494
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,237
Can you reach it?
495
00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,238
Ow.
496
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,782
Here.
497
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,244
Who are you texting?
498
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:06,954
I'm getting us out of here.
499
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,165
Yeah, Deborah Vance.
500
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,791
She's a female comedian.
501
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,919
I know, man. She's ornery.
502
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,212
You know,
maybe for the opening,
503
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,047
the background is
black and white,
504
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,507
but I'm in color because
I bring color to the world
505
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:20,635
through my comedy.
I mean, that hasn't been done.
506
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,471
Uh, except for the little
girl in "Schindler's List."
507
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,724
Oh, yeah. That was good.
508
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,893
Vance, Vance.
509
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,061
Vance, dance.
510
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,772
Pants, Lance, France.
511
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:33,940
France. I don't know.
512
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,067
Something to do with
Vance and dance.
513
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,443
- Dance. Pants.
- Oh, my God.
514
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:38,653
We are in the back
of a cop car.
515
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,029
Would you give it a rest?
516
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,280
Plus, it's only been one day,
517
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:42,448
and we have
a whole team of writers
518
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,741
to help us figure it out.
519
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,035
Oh, they're not
gonna figure it out.
520
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,329
They can't write for me
'cause they're not me.
521
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,956
This is why I never
worked with writers,
522
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,833
except for you, which was
the biggest mistake of my life.
523
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,543
So much for our truce, huh?
524
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,587
God, I was so stupid
for thinking
525
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,130
you could move past anything.
526
00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,716
It's hard to move past
getting stabbed in the back.
527
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:01,926
Well, I did.
528
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,135
And now I'm just
trying to focus
529
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,595
on making
the best show possible,
530
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,348
which is why I did this
in the first place.
531
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,185
Okay, yes, I blackmailed you.
532
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:12,478
And I'm not stupid.
533
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:13,980
I know you love
to hold a grudge,
534
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:18,484
but I hoped that what we had
was special enough
535
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:21,237
to where you would,
at least for one second,
536
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,615
consider my point of view.
537
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,575
I didn't just do it for me.
538
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,036
Oh, really?
539
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,541
I did it for both of us.
540
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,045
Yeah,
keep telling yourself that.
541
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:39,922
Fine.
542
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,173
Whatever.
543
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:42,675
Make me the villain
all you want,
544
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,135
but don't take it out
on the writers,
545
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,138
'cause they don't deserve that.
546
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,974
Oh, she's here.
547
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,350
- Took her long enough.
- Who?
548
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:54,396
Look alive.
The mayor's here.
549
00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,484
Body cams off, boys.
550
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,696
Sorry I took so long, Deb.
551
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:05,656
I was having a driveway moment.
552
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,700
What do you mean?
553
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,118
You know, it's when
you kind of get lost
554
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,703
in thought in your driveway.
555
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:13,122
Anyway, I heard they got you
for manslaughter.
556
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,415
They said that
the murder weapon's
557
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,416
got your prints all over it.
558
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,459
- What?
- Whoa!
559
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,210
I'm just kidding.
560
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:20,421
Hey, but you don't wanna take
a breathalyzer.
561
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,881
That's fine.
562
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:24,008
But what are we willing to do?
563
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,384
What do you mean?
564
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,428
Nothing in this town is free,
Pepper Ann.
565
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,180
You scratch my back,
I scratch yours.
566
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,723
Actually,
that sounds really good.
567
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:32,350
Would you scratch my back?
568
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,601
I live alone.
569
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:34,810
Are you drunk?
570
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,229
I--I am, a little bit. Yes.
571
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,856
But shh.
572
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,567
I noticed that you haven't
maxed out your contributions
573
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:42,943
to my campaign this year,
574
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,738
so maybe you could
look into that?
575
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,283
Headline a fundraiser?
576
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:50,701
Sure.
577
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:52,078
Now we're talking.
578
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,913
All right, I'll be right back.
579
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,706
You stay there.
580
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,416
Here's the thing.
581
00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:59,001
She's had
all sorts of troubles.
582
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,336
And I won't get into it now,
but she's not gonna
583
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:01,670
hurt anybody and she's fine.
584
00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:02,838
And she's not drunk, so.
585
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,423
I'll tell you later.
It's medication.
586
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:05,841
- She's all right.
- So we're letting her go?
587
00:23:05,842 --> 00:23:07,593
You're letting her go.
Go ahead.
588
00:23:07,594 --> 00:23:09,762
Let's go, boys.
589
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:11,890
Ladies, free to go.
590
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,939
If Deborah says she's
not drunk, she's not drunk.
591
00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:21,148
Thanks, Mayor.
592
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:22,316
In fact,
she can prove it too.
593
00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:23,984
She is straight as an arrow.
594
00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:25,653
Hey, Deb, I want you to hit
that street light, all right?
595
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:27,071
- Take my gun.
- Come on!
596
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,197
- Mayor!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
597
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,824
That is not necessary.
598
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:32,159
We'll take your word for it
and issue Ms. Vance a warning.
599
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,495
Great.
You see how ebey that was?
600
00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:35,746
Sorry. Typo.
601
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,164
See how easy that was?
602
00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,791
Hey, thank you
for your service, boys.
603
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,751
Thank you.
604
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,380
I don't get why firemen
are more popular than cops.
605
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,383
Then again, I don't really
follow the news.
606
00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:48,759
You're the mayor.
607
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,219
Yeah.
608
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:51,971
Isn't that cool?
609
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,556
It's very sweet of you
to say that to me.
610
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,891
That's right. I won.
611
00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:57,101
Thanks, Jo.
612
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,187
See you at the fundraiser.
613
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:07,778
- It's in the tongue.
- Yes!
614
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:08,904
There you go.
615
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,781
- That's right.
- Hey, you guys.
616
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,074
Sorry we're late.
617
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,909
It's a crazy story,
but, uh, basically,
618
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,328
last night, we were
pulled over and detained.
619
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:17,621
Wrongfully.
620
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:19,248
Wrongfully detained.
621
00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:20,833
Huh.
622
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,586
The speed limit in Las Vegas
is just a suggestion.
623
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:27,381
No, I was just thinking
off of what you said.
624
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:29,967
What if the opening video
is Deborah getting out
625
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,552
of late night jail?
626
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:33,387
Like she's been stuck in there
627
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,724
for 30 years
and she's finally free?
628
00:24:37,184 --> 00:24:38,809
That could be something.
629
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:40,352
Yeah, maybe.
630
00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:43,022
Yeah, maybe it's, like,
an overcrowded women's prison
631
00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:44,523
and then next door
is a men's prison,
632
00:24:44,524 --> 00:24:46,650
but it's completely empty.
633
00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,903
And you've been chipping away
at the wall with a pen,
634
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,279
like, "Shawshank Redemption"
style.
635
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,906
- Eyebrow pencil.
- Yeah, yeah.
636
00:24:51,907 --> 00:24:53,949
And there's, like, a Deborah
Vance Vegas residency poster
637
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:55,534
- covering the hole.
- Oh, yeah.
638
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:57,286
And then you're
walking back to your cell
639
00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:58,579
from the warden's office.
640
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,788
You're wearing
the orange jumpsuit.
641
00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:00,956
We pan down.
642
00:25:00,957 --> 00:25:02,583
You're wearing Louboutins.
643
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,168
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
644
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,128
And you try to lock
James Corden in on your way out
645
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,838
so he doesn't do
any more musicals.
646
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:08,923
Oh!
647
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,341
Aw, James is sweet.
648
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,176
But, yes, let's do that.
I love that.
649
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,386
And I'm sorry, by the--
I'm sorry.
650
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:16,555
- Just--I'm sorry.
- About?
651
00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:17,556
Okay.
652
00:25:17,557 --> 00:25:18,849
If you--then it's fine.
653
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,185
If you don't remember it,
then it's fine.
654
00:25:28,109 --> 00:25:29,902
- Hi. You wanted to see us?
- Yeah, yeah.
655
00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:31,153
Come on in.
656
00:25:31,154 --> 00:25:32,655
Heard you had
an impromptu retreat.
657
00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:34,573
Yes--started out
a little bumpy
658
00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:36,408
but turned out to be
just what we needed.
659
00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:38,494
And we think we came up
with an idea for the opening.
660
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,703
Great.
661
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,289
Glad something good
came out of it.
662
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:43,541
What do you mean?
663
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,168
You know Stacey from HR.
664
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:48,087
Hi, ladies.
665
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:50,339
Well, there were many reports
666
00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,299
about highly
inappropriate behavior
667
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,093
on your writers' retreat.
668
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:57,471
Hired and fired a writer
multiple times,
669
00:25:57,472 --> 00:26:01,475
offered a suitcase full
of illegal substances,
670
00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:03,060
withheld food and water.
671
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,979
You took the writers
to a nude strip club.
672
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,523
Don't they know what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas?
673
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:08,899
Well, apparently not.
674
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,484
Who told?
I'm gonna beat their ass.
675
00:26:10,485 --> 00:26:12,611
No, no. You can't say that.
She can't say that.
676
00:26:12,612 --> 00:26:14,071
That is not permissible.
677
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:16,574
You don't beat someone's ass.
All right?
678
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,576
Which brings me
to the final complaint.
679
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,954
There's a lot of disruptive
tension between the two of you,
680
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:23,289
a lot of reports about that.
681
00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:25,374
I told you pretending
wasn't gonna work.
682
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,709
Oh, it's my fault?
683
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,002
You just said you wanted
to beat someone's ass.
684
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,295
Yeah,
and you wanna know who?
685
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:31,255
Ladies!
686
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,133
Here is what is
going to happen.
687
00:26:34,134 --> 00:26:35,968
Per the network,
688
00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:38,470
Stacey here
is going to be the dedicated
689
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:40,055
HR chaperone for our show.
690
00:26:40,056 --> 00:26:42,683
If you're in this building,
Stacey's with you.
691
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:45,227
The two of you
will not be unsupervised
692
00:26:45,228 --> 00:26:47,354
together ever again.
Got it?
693
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:48,897
No, I'm sorry.
694
00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:50,649
I think that's gonna be really
disruptive to our workflow.
695
00:26:50,650 --> 00:26:52,109
We--we can't do that.
696
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,153
You're just not even
gonna know that I'm h-here.
697
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:55,404
It's gonna be fine.
698
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:57,239
Sorry. Wrong pipe.
699
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,532
Sorry.
700
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:00,910
Wrong--I do that a lot.
I aspirate.
701
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,790
Excuse me. I'm fine.
I'm--
49012
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