Original subtitles

Oh, there she is.

Oh, it's chilly.

Oh, my gosh.

How was that?

Freezing.

I cannot believe I just had to pee on the side of the road, and it's, like, negative 20 degrees.

Oh, my God.

I was going to take a picture and send it to Dad.

You don't.

Don't do stuff like that.

That's not nice.

I was going to.

I didn't, though.

Good.

I'm glad.

I can't believe you watched me pee.

That's weird.

I don't really like watching, per se, but...

Just making fun of me.

Yeah.

There's so much snow.

It's so cold.

Yeah.

It would make one's nipples hard, right?

Yeah.

We're almost out of the mountains, though.

I can't wait to get back to some civilization.

Yeah.

So let's talk about these girls and these parties.

I thought we talked about that yesterday, sweetheart.

I know, but I want to know more.

I want to talk about...

Why?

Well, I mean, there's not really much more.

I mean, the parties are pretty subjective.

Like, they're not, you know, anything...

They're not that big of a deal.

That's not why you're going to college.

You're going to college to, you know, be educated and get a degree and better your future.

You're not going to college to just party with a bunch of girls, you know, and...

That's not why we're sending you to college.

That's not why your father is paying.

For a four-year degree.

Okay, well, then I'll just say a statement, then.

I 100% am going to get laid in my first week.

That's fine.

Why do you have to...

I don't need to know that.

Like, I don't understand why you think I need to know that.

Just know it.

It's going to happen.

Oh, you said that you, uh...

You've been in a wet t-shirt contest before, right?

I did.

Did you win?

No, I told you.

Yeah, I told you yesterday I didn't win.

You won.

I...

I wish I didn't win.

The winner, though, I think she won, like, $1,500.

And when you're in college, that's a lot of money.

I think 50 bucks is a lot of money.

Speaking of, is your dad still going to give you an allowance when you're away,

or are you just going to be on, um...

you know, your student allowance from the loans?

Shoot, I hope he gives me an allowance.

We'll see.

Will you talk him into it?

Will you put in a good word for me?

I'll do my best.

Thank you again. This is great.

Of course. I'm just excited. We're almost through the mountains.

Get back to civilization.

And then, I mean, once we get through the mountains,

I think it's only 15 more hours and we'll be there.

Yeah, and then I can

mack on some girls.

Look at some titties. Whistle at some babes.

No.

You can do that when I leave.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can do that.

You were the silliest,

silliest boy, Oliver.

I mean, you were just...you know what?

This actually reminds me of the time

that you found your father's Playboys

when you were in, what, the

ninth grade or something?

And you went on a tangent for a week

how you were gonna be a Playboy photographer

because all you wanted to do

was see naked women.

Yes!

Oh my god, that's exactly what I wanted to do.

Oh my god, you were just...

the testosterone that runs through you

when your father is crazy.

What?

What's wrong?

I have a boner again.

Again?

Yeah.

So, okay,

um,

you know, we're in the mountains right now, Oliver.

Like, this is just too dangerous.

I can't, I can't just reach over there

and help you. Like, that's not...

you need to figure this out.

Wait, what do you mean I need to figure it out?

You just, you need to figure it out.

If you have an uncomfortable situation

going on over there,

then you need to figure it out

on your own over there because I am driving

through the mountains and it is dangerous

and I cannot do this one handed.

So you're not gonna help me?

I literally cannot.

So you want me to try to do it?

Yeah. Again,

try, just try, just try.

Just, okay, well I'm gonna pull my pants down.

Fine, and then I'm not gonna look.

Ugh.

Oh my...

This isn't gonna work.

Well, I told you I can't, I can't reach over there while I'm driving. This is so dangerous.

Do you just, it just won't, you just can't wait till we get through this?

No. I'm rock hard.

Okay, well the only way I can help you is if I pull over. So I need to just find a place to pull over then.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, find a place to pull over.

Pull over. I have an idea.

Okay, fine.

Perfect.

Pull your pants back up at least until we get pulled over.

Okay. Fine.

over there or something. I know, okay, okay.

See why I didn't want to call over in the mountains?

Yeah, but this is perfect.

the seat belt off. All right, now I can pull these back down. All right, sweetie. Okay.

All right. So you want me to just use my hand? Um, I was thinking maybe you're,

maybe something a little different. What do you mean different? Here, I'm going to put up some

of the sunshades that we use for your brother. Okay. Yeah. Sweet. No one can.

What do you mean different? I was thinking maybe you could use your mouth.

Um, my mouth? Yeah. Yeah. My, come on. I mean, it'll be super fast. I promise it'll be way

faster than the hand. That is so not appropriate. Um, I, you really just asked me that. Come on,

please mom. It'll be super fast. I'll, I'll just come really quick. And we, I'm your stepmother.

I know, but we're almost there. Don't you want to get there before?

Nightfall? Don't you? We need to. The check-in, they don't let you check in after 10.

Well then help me, please. I need your help. I promise it'll be super fast. Please.

You cannot tell a soul about this. Okay. I won't tell anybody. Okay. All right. Okay.

Oh, perfect. Okay.

Um, I can't, I'm about to suck my stepson's dick. You're sure this is the only way? Yes. Okay.

Is this working? Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't stop. Yeah, this is great

Oh my gosh, you look so great ma. Oh, i'm your stepmom. Please. Don't call me. Okay, okay

stepmom

Oh wow.

Oh my.

Just like that, just like that.

I like when you look up at me too.

Please don't make this any weirder than it is.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, just like that.

Oh wow.

Yeah.

Oh, keep going like that.

Yeah, keep going just like that.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, you're gonna make me.

Oh, you're gonna make me come.

Keep going, keep going.

Oh, I'm coming.

I can't believe you just made me swallow that.

Oh, fuck.

You.

You.

You.

You.