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So, can you use a gun? Well, I prefer fists. Who will I be fighting? Our enemies.
Have you ever been to prison? Why'd you ask?
The terms you're willing to take. What did you do?
My pals saw something in a shop window they wanted.
So, I drove into it. It's called a smash.
Smash and grab. Yes, I know. I do read the papers.
Says here you've recently worked for a film actor.
Yes. As his bodyguard
amongst other things. But before that, in this
bookshop,
why did you leave there? I didn't care for it. And you're happy
with this this arrangement. Book has his life. I have mine. It
works. I I'm amazed more people don't do it.
I knew him. Your father. I knew him before the war.
You knew him,
Jack. Ah, this is I can't I I can't.
Jack, where are you going?
But your previous employer trusted you? Yes.
Despite your history? Because of it, perhaps?
And should we trust you?
Well, I suppose you'll find out when the next assassin comes.
Nora, I never did it.
Never did what? Made shillings out of ice and put them
in the meter. What's all this corrosion then?
That's rust. Yes, it is
cold, isn't it?
We could burn a few. No, we couldn't.
Not even the geette hayers. No, really, Nora. For someone so new to the
pleasures of reading, you're fast becoming a terrible slob.
What is it?
Feels quiet without him.
God bless the Wals again and all who sail in her.
Oh, God. Oh, bloody hell. Do forgive me, my dear. I seem to be in
a state of advanced repression. Oh, I had noticed, Victor, just stay
stay there. I'll fetch a cloth.
Cigarette, sir. Dunh Hill or caps...
Can we talk? Thank you.
Thank you.
Here. It's for him. Oh, thank you.
Please enjoy. Not enough lemon juice.
Too much ice. And I did not like the way you shook it.
Too violent. Mhm.
Of course. Excuse me.
They think I'm too violent. It's a violent art.
Good thing I didn't waste any gene on them. Then
you're a quick learner.
I'm glad you've fallen on your feet. I had no idea you'd be here. We haven't
seen you in weeks. How are you? Look, I haven't got long. What do you want?
Oh, Jack, this is silly.
We miss you. We both hoped you'd found a safe birth in Archangel Lane. A home.
Book and me. Well, our arrangement is unusual, I know, but as I said to you
when we first met, love is where it falls.
And how does my father fit into all of that?
One of Mr. Book's little diances, was he? Well,
Book needs to talk to you about your father properly.
Look, our marriage protects us both. Don't we have the right to be happy?
Happy? But gallivanting off into the night in
with god knows who. And you? Give me that.
Is that the latest? Is it fellow with a mustache?
He's captain before the war. Ah, dream boat the officer's mess. Was he
something like that? Listening slightly now, though.
Trotting. You don't have to pick him,
Mrs. Pug. Well, we better not keep him waiting.
Excuse me.
Oh, come to my room and help me dry off. I'm wet, woman. Give me the damn cloth.
Come on. Get your woody hands off me.
I won't have it for shame. Oh dear, sir. Oh, you've had a right
mishap. Who's this? Wet trousers are against the dress code. You know, this
is the Warsingham. So, why don't you go back to your room, take the wet pants
off, and have a little lay down. I have never been so insulted. I'm
sure you have been fell like you. Uh, Victor or my old friend. I can't
leave you alone for 5 minutes, can I? Bloody girl can't take a juke.
Sit down. Uh, can we have a couple of those? What? What do you call them?
All cinnamon sours for the two ladies for their royal highnesses. You mean
these are on me ladies? And may I say, you are looking superbly bulan tonight.
I salute the house of Qatari. Whichever commisar lives in it now, take
a good look, Troty. That's what happens to you when you get dethroned by the
rebs. Oh. Oh dear.
Allow me. So embarrassing. I do apologize.
Not at all. Not at all. Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after
themselves. What?
Then.
I uh had a bit of luck on the horses. You uh you know Ascus?
Very well, sir. How is the going?
Oh, um good to firm. After this, shall we? Uh,
normally my favorite ellipses, but I just think we should call it a night
now, Victor. Oh, Trotty. You're no fun anymore.
It's amazing how different things can look without the benefit of the
blackout.
Here's to Joe Stalin's next stroke. Tinker Tonk.
Victor.
Heat. Heat.
This is a Deutsch mark. Yes.
This is Chinese. Oh.
And this is a button.
It's a very nice button. Nora, have you been taking shillings
from this tin? Oo, remind me what's the price of a green
penguin crime novel.
Ah, that's better.
Success.
Ah,
oh, it's you. You ready to commit an affe?
No, Sergeant. She was just um browsing. I hate to seem inquisitive, but why are
you here? Yeah, there's a chap being killed at the walls in them. Poisoned
dead in a pile of pound notes on the floor of the river bar.
Oh, that's just our sort of thing. Don't get too excited. The inspector
wants a book. Gbook. That's quiet. There's some foreign royalty involved,
it seems. He says, "Uh, do you have anything on the Balkan Rules of Revenge?"
Specifically, the cannon of Qatari." How to too ridiculously obscure. Do you
have it? Almost certainly. And uh 504, he says.
504. Room with a view. It's all right for
some, I suppose. Mrs. Books already checked in. What? Oh, uh, she's one of
the suspects.
Trouble in paradise, is that her?
Ho ho. What a beauty. Yes. Might be one of those clues. We
like those. Do you mind?
Yes.
Do people really say what's your poison when when they're at the V?
No idea. I don't get out much. What do you mean? Look at Walsingham.
So is he? Oh yeah. Let's uh let's get him
somewhere more prior. Yep.
Not the main entrance, please. Inspector,
I'm sorry. We can't be more discreet. May I suggest the service corridor?
Ah, yes. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Kind. Nothing to stop me reopening the bar
tomorrow, I think.
Thank you.
Good evening, sir. Evening.
You have a reservation? Uh, no. My wife does.
Your wife? Mrs. Book. Have you seen her? I'm afraid
she may be distressed. No. Book.
Oh. 504. Freddy, I know. I'll keep this one. Thank you.
What's happened, darling? What's this about a corpse? Why have they been
scouring my stacks? Vulcan blood feuds. I'm not proud of myself.
There was champagne. I date the races. Riddle me in the 230.
Cocktails. More cocktails. And then trotty. We live our own lives. That was
always the deal. Self flagagillation is never helpful. Not nearly as much fun as
someone doing it to you. Who was he? Victor or
or With two Rs. Naval captain married. Ad
met him before in an air raid 41. He uh made a pass at me in in
where? Please don't make me say the f word.
Foils. Yes.
Oh, I just fancied a good time.
Well, there's nothing wrong with that. He turned out to be the most awful bore.
Where is he now? In the morg. Oh,
one last night on the tiles. And there's something else.
Look, thank God you're here. You ready? For what?
To interview royalty. It's a little irregular, isn't it?
I don't care. They terrify me. I'm not going in there alone.
Haven't you taken their fingerprints? I've got Morris to do that. I may be a
coward, but I'm not a fool. I have our primary text, the Canoon
of Qatari. Oh, yeah. Looks expensive. Will it pay for our suite, Inspector?
Oh, the late captain are taking care of that, Mrs. But you're in the room next
to the princesses. Oh, what are they like?
Oh, they're glamorous in a sort of disappointed and stateless kind of way.
Perhaps it's time I kept a closer eye on them. In an ear, too. I shall use one of
those little glasses they keep by the sink.
So, will this help us find who've done it? It's a book of customary laws for
remote mountain communities without a magistrate or justice. The village
elders consult the text and then tell you how much raiki to provide for your
daughter's wedding, what to do if your bees escape and build a nest on your
labor's land, that sort of thing. And who you're allowed to kill if
somebody kills your cousin. Ah.
Well, what language did you think it was going
to be in? Well, we have three native speakers on
the premises, but but they're all suspect.
Who's the third? Oh, he's a rather good-looking cocktail
waiter. Well, don't fret too much. The beautiful.
Tutonic scholar did publish a translation of it in the German.
Oh, you you certainly speak the German in his sleep sometimes.
So, where is this translation? Norah is looking for it now. Must be
somewhere in the law section or social science or etiquette or propping open a
door. You said do something else. Yes. These princesses have been given
gainful employment to one of the capitals dispossessed.
Oh yes, I know.
And there he is.
I'll turn down the bed spring. Sergeant Morris will be along soon to take a
statement. Yes, of course.
I I'd be grateful, Mrs. Book, if you didn't leave the hotel.
It's perfectly all right, Inspector. You have to do your duty.
Here to see their royal highnesses.
Enter. Oh dog, where is it? Green straight
grained Morocco bound folio with a lot of academic monographs bound inside.
Slightly foxed according to the catalog.
You're no help.
That can descar.
What would I do without you?
Oh, please.
Time for a little chat, Mrs. Book.
Poof. I I beg your pardon.
I apologize for it. That we have sunk so low. Remember the
great banqueting table through here? H chairs made with birch as silvery as the
snow on the mountain tops upholstered with dam masks or so.
Oh, we've been in more awkward situations than this, haven't we,
inspector? That we have book. So, which is the policeman? You or this
book? He's taking notes for me. Helping with
the uh Pitman's short hand. So useful. Tall and redheaded like the poppies of
our homeland. I realize that this will be very
difficult for you your royal highnesses. Uh but if there's any
detail you can recall, however small, it may help us discover who killed Captain.
That is easy. I killed him. So he he did what?
It is true. I switched the glasses. He drank the poison meant for one of us. We
have a routine, my sister and I, to cause a distraction. I salute the house
of Scutali. Whichever commiser lives in it now. Take
a good look, trusty. That's what happens to you if you get dethroned by the Reds.
Oh no. Oh dear.
So embarrassing. I do apologize. Not at all. Not at all. Look after the
pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. What?
It is a habit, a necessary precaution. Like this.
This was the third attempt on our life since we left New York. There was a
Stewart on the Bearing. Can I turn over your room? Madame.
So transparent. And that Salvation Army woman outside
the opera shaking her tin box. Huh? She denied everything. Of course.
Who do you think is trying to kill you? The communists, of course.
Opera. But they already have your palaces, your
estates, our summer house on the Adriatic. There
is a lake there. When the rising sun touches it, it is like the blush.
In the spring, our country was proclaimed a people's republic. They
want what's the expression? A big finish. Huh?
Hence the bodyguard. And how are you finding him?
As he failed to prevent an attempt on our lives, I would say he has not
covered himself in glory. Don't the communists also have your
other sister? We do not speak of her. See? Yes. The youngest. She renounced
her title. We do not speak of her. Red scum. She
betrayed her birthright, her country, her family.
Take it. Thank you.
Of course, if this does turn out to be the case, then your switching of the
drinks will not be without consequence. We are used to being pillared. We will
take whatever comes to us right
now. Now then in your statement you said something about this murder being
written about in the canon of Scutari. What does that mean?
It means that the killing like this follows certain customary principles.
It means the first thing you must do is arrest that cocktail waiter.
Ismail Gazili Guili Guili.
Guili Guili? Why?
He's from the mountains. These people know the rules of revenge. They are
obsessed with them. You must arrest him. And you must bring in any others on the
staff other
m mountain men. Yes.
Yes.
Well, thank you so much. It's been this has been most helpful.
So, you will do as we say. No, I will not.
Why? Because, princess, I am not your
subject. And in this country, a man is innocent until proven guilty, whatever
altitude he was born at.
Sometimes, inspector, you make me proud to be from the gutter.
Never really thought of myself as a Republican.
Well, it's the war book. Changed us all. I never really thought of myself as a
Jew. You ever come here during the Blitz?
They had to let you in if there was a raid on, even without a tie. We used to
come down to the lower bar. It's known as the fruit seller.
That was quite the mixed grill.
You did nothing. You're supposed to be my boyfriend and you did nothing.
What do you expect me to do? Nothing.
Was he the one from this morning? Yeah. Came at me in a silk dressing game
with everything pointing north. His name is Captain Victor O.
Not anymore. They already gave me a warning.
What? Yeah. Apparently shouting at leous
customers isn't the waling and way. I'll speak to Mr. Kind.
It was Mr. Kind who gave me the warning. One more black mark on my ars.
Hate this place. You know,
I was doing okay here. At least I thought I was.
What's the bloody point? Yeah. I'm sorry.
You know, my dad was right about you, Ismail, and I should have listened to
him. Leave me alone. What?
Watch this.
Careful, officer. My friend borrows his jazz mags from the matraee.
You can't shop me, sir. I've been to the windmill theater and seen those gents
with the newspapers on their laps and brought a few into the station.
Didn't jazz him with this one, sir? Oh, no. That lot put me right off.
Oh, you hate your royal family, do you? They're not my royal family. They've
been nobody royal family since 1940. Ever since they left us with that chap.
Hey, Marco. What was his name? What's Seleni, mate?
I knew you'd know, mate. Right. Oh, sir. Confiscating this as
evidence. You enjoy this, don't you?
It's just work, sir. Keep your temper, eh?
Suppose I usually take all that aggression out on the ice cubes.
Book for Mr. Book. Who?
It's the Canon ofqatari. It's Albania.
Mrs. Book's out of the picture. You can't be certain of that, sir.
I've read a statement and I'm satisfied it's nothing to do with her.
But sir, I'm satisfied. Maurice
clear.
So you think it was one of us? I don't think anything yet.
Senor Barbarini. Okay. Well, I've narrowed it down to
two. A royal member of the House of Scoutari. Nafia or Ruia?
Right. Oh, Method. Poison. Something slipped into the
cocktail glass after he tried it on with Ed Rattle.
That's the chambermaid. Yes. So, where was she when Captain or coughed his
last? Gone already.
Motive? You think of any reason why anyone would want to kill Captain Victor.
Ore? Are you kidding? That captain was always
here with different women, usually in the same room. 504.
Really? City view. Noise. This bed springs.
Duchess rate for favorite patrons. And that captain has been coming here for
years. Usually once a week without squeak.
You're very well informed. No secrets at the Wingham, sir. We see
all the dirty there because we have to clean it.
Some might say, Mr. because gazilling that it's the duty of a grand hotel to
make sure that the private life of a guest remains private.
And some might say, inspector, that in a grand hotel, people are usually at it
like cod in a bucket. So, it's a crime of passion then.
No, I reckon the captain was something in
intelligence during the war.
How do you know that? They're a type. Friendly, but tell you
nothing. With a drink. They'll always have what the other person's having.
So, uh, why would the princesses want to kill a British spy?
Because British intelligence handed over Scutari to the communist partisans
and the captain recognized the princesses.
Who are they? Should I know them? Bulkins.
Same to you. Nafia
and Ruia, princesses of the royal house of.
Scutari, deposed by the communists and now
drifting around the world like Flatson. Very glamorous. Flatson. Wasn't there a
scandal? They did a flit and the bullion from the National Bank somehow found its
way into their hat boxes. Something of the sort.
And they're drifting our way or your way to
be precise. Oh, I see. In the market for a set of
dictionaries, are they? They're staying at the Walssingham just
down the road from you. And uh there have been letters,
threats, vicious ones. You should speak to the post office then.
We'd be ever so grateful if you just kept an eye on them.
I told you
I'm just a book seller. And I
I reminded you that we helped find young Jack.
It wasn't easy, you know.
Oh, it's you. It's me.
Tough for you know. Ah, don't mention it.
So, does that happen a lot then? Does it?
Comes with a job, doesn't it? Can I do you now, sir?
Wouldn't have killed him for it, though. Somebody did.
Yeah. So,
which side are you on? Sorry.
Which side are you on? Whoa. What are the options? Well,
there's the management in this hotel who treat their staff like muk and give a
girl a mouthful just for standing up for herself.
Right. Then there's the workers.
Okay. Well, the workers then. Nice to hear your expression of
solidarity, brother. But it's deeds, not words that count, don't you think?
Right. So, why don't you go down there to that taxi stand, get me a nice cup of
barrel? I can't.
Maybe later. I just got to get back to their royal bloody highnesses.
Afraid. So, how does it feel working for those
parasites? Is that what they are?
Well, what would you call them? Sad,
I suppose. Yeah, a bit sad. Well,
speaking for myself, I'd line them up, shoot the boogers.
I can say a proper hello to you now, Edmond kind.
Good evening. More than kind, I used to say.
Oh, well, that's too kind. They closed it, you know, the lower bar.
The fruit seller. Oh, what a shame. Yes, for redecoration though when the work
will actually start. I don't know. Seems they prefer it mothballled. The
management. You mean it's all still there? The mural
and everything. Well, we could take a look if you'd
like. Uh, I should really be getting back
upstairs. Of course.
I suppose a a little peep wouldn't hurt.
Now the question is how the lights work? Don't remember
there being any. You never turn them on.
Blackeyed, I suppose. I know. It was just terribly
unflattering. Oh, yes. You're right. Let's turn them
off. Just a soup song.
These walls could talk.
Kim Strang is dead. Did you hear Kim Strang?
He used to keep his Max Factor in a gas mask box.
Well, he'd been in Egypt, hadn't he? Had to keep that tan up.
What happened to him? He walked into the sea at shore room. I'm sorry to say.
Somebody had his letters. Dreadful. Really
dreadful. And you're very married. I see.
Very, very congratulations.
Thank you. And thanks for your help with the um
other matter. Not at all. What does Jack know?
That my wife and I have an arrangement that I knew his late father.
Nothing more. He found that difficult enough to take. Ran out on us that very
night. Floated here
where he is gainfully employed thanks to you and able to keep an eye on the other
bodies floating around. The regal scutari ones.
Why do you need to keep an eye on those? It's possible they were the intended
victims, not the captain.
It's a working hypothesis. Are you with the police now, Gabriel?
You always were a dark horse. It makes up a substantial part of my
charm. Christ, isn't that dangerous? I mean, one false step.
I am all too well aware of that, Edmund. Although, I do have a special letter
from Churchill. Still, he probably shouldn't be found in
a dimly lit basement bar with with a terribly handsome old friend. Oh,
perhaps not.
Trouble with the grid. And the world cinema isn't connected to
the grid. It has its own oil powered generators, dipping it in by the barrel.
Everything depends on it, even the plumbing. And what's a grand hotel
without power and hot running water? Well, I suppose it's just a big building
full of people who are rather cold and rather hungry and very, very rich.
I should get back.
Me, too.
No big surprises on the poison front, Inspector. The deadly glass contained
boring old hydrochloric acid. Oh, we can't all be virtuoso.
Virtuy the the thumbrint. Enough for an arrest.
Enough for a hanging. Maybe.
Okay. Thank you. Bye. Where's ED rental?
Oh, um I'll check. Very good.
Did the blessed sergeant get everything he required from you, dear?
Well, I took him through it in exhausting detail. Where did you get to?
I've been talking to the staff. Oh, yes. Very nice of you.
The ones who served you cocktails tonight.
Well, it was really only the younger one. Guili,
if you say so. Apparently, he poured a whole round down the sink, eyes, some
fruit and all. Could he have tampered with the second
round? Yes. Nobody was looking because of the
bruhaha. Bruhaha?
Yes. One of the princesses dropped her reticule. There was loose change all
over the floor. Yes, I've heard about that. And after
the bruhaha, well, I dragged Victor back to the bar.
He made a toast. And then there was the Ferrari. A bruhaha and then a Fiori. It
was very confusing. Oh, and uh there was a woman.
A woman? I've just remembered she handed me a
cloth like St. Veronica on the road to Calvary
to mop up Victor O's trousers. There was something about the look she gave me.
Poor Victor. People were recoiling in pure horror.
Was burning his neck out, but you could hear it crackle.
I'm sorry you had a beastly time.
I just wanted to get stinker and wake up somewhere with clean sheets and three
egg omelets. I wanted something. So, I wanted him.
I do love you, Mrs. Book. Dead home.
Book. Yes.
We never really talk. Talk
about the arrangement. What to talk about?
Well, to see that all is well, that we're both okay.
All is well. Look, you left the light on for me.
I could be making love in this
in the dark. Has anyone told Victor's wife?
It's not like she was expecting him to come home.
Do you know who she is? I don't really know who he was.
Still, suppose he did get us a night here.
Isn't it marvelous? No clouds tonight.
Nowhere for the stars to hide. We never really had a proper honeymoon,
did we? Bit of a diary clash. The Lufafa had
their heart set on Eastborne, too. Beach was very pebbly anyway.
And covered in barb wire. Does it worry you though? Disappoint
you? What?
The absence of landmarks, declarations,
grand gestures. Oh, notebook.
In fact, I'm going to make one now. Who is this?
Let's order a bloody huge bottle of champagne.
Got our papers stamped and signed tickets, too. Can't you do anything
discreetly, my love?
We have 5 minutes till it leaves platform 6. We're going to be in Paris
for breakfast. There are no Nazis in Paris, but there are qual, so it's all
going to be fine.
I can't come with you book for the same reason that you must leave.
Oh, and I must return this to you, my
my dear fellow.
I love a good book, a beautiful book.
And how easy it is to to picture myself on some winter evening
in the country lying with this particular book.
It moves me so much.
But I'm afraid I cannot keep it. I know its frailties.
And some books got burned, you know,
and I should not like to be responsible for the loss of this one
because it is so dear to me that I know it by But
henceforth wherever thou may roam,
my blessing like a line of light
on the waters day and night
and like a beacon guards the home.
Is everybody
shut?
Heat.
Heat.
Dennis.
Yeah. Still using.
Mr. Kind, I'm doing the rounds explaining about the situation.
Be so good as to move around a little less silently. It arouses suspicion.
Forgive me, your royal highness. It's my training. You see,
it's mine, too. An engineer is investigating. I do
apologize for any inconvenience. We are accustomed to hardship.
What are you carrying? Show me. This is the canon. The canon of Scutari.
Why do you have this? I'm taking it to Mr. Book in the next
room. He's helping the police. This is most interesting.
Continue. Well, he's a sort of expert witness, and
he's staying here with his wife, who I believe.
I meant continue on your way. Good night.
Oh, I thought you were a bottle of hardly spiriting.
A book for Mr. Book. What is it, dear?
It was that book you wanted. Oh, very good.
The lights were on the blink up here. An engineer is investigating. I do
apologize for any inconvenience. Is there anything more I can do for you?
Well, tracking down our champagne would be nice.
Of course,
extraordinary man. Smells nice, though. Gardinia
capital. Just what we need. They're taking their time with that
champagne, aren't they? I think they're having trouble below
with the generators. You don't need champagne, do you, Book?
Just anything with footnotes. Then the bibliography,
maybe an eratum slip.
Used to love this place. You know, in the war, the rooms were cheap. 35
shillings a night. Well, the ones nearest the V2s anyway. Always plenty of
life down in the bar. Bit too much sometimes.
Now the Walsingham is listing like an old ship.
Well, I'd like to smash a bottle against it.
Let me tell the story of an old lady fair standing sentinel across the years
in the city's Bonnie Square. Let me tell the story of the journey
down to hell from the dear dilapidated Walsium Hotel.
Some came to stay, to rest, to play. Some came to labor every day. Some came
to sound the passing bell for the dear old Walssingham Hotel.
But who killed Captain Victor Ore? Princess, waiter, maid, or more? Who
came to sound the final nail for the dear old Walssingham.
Hotel?
Well, then
that's that.
What was that? Edith. Eden, are you okay?
One more step and all.
You
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