Original subtitles

Last time on Benson.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next governor of our beautiful state,

Lieutenant Governor Benson DuBois.

Ladies and gentlemen, the nominee for Lieutenant Governor, Senator Leonard

Tyler.

The man called in all his favors.

Weaseled his way into the nomination.

The fact is that your opponent, Senator Gate, is way behind in the polls. You

are going to be the next governor, sir.

Judge Bennett was discussing the Constitution, and he said that you

could run for a third term.

So, are you planning to use this loophole?

Yeah, I'm gonna run again, Watson.

If we run against each other, we could wind up splitting the vote.

The race for governor is heating up. Rumors have it that the stress of the

campaign has driven a wedge between Governor Gatling and Lieutenant Governor

Dubois. Reporting for CAP -TV, this is Jose K. Smith from the governor's

mansion.

Crowds, would you come in here a moment?

What happened? The witch trials go badly?

Well, all right. What is it? I don't have time to stand around here all day.

am busy.

Where is that photographer? He was supposed to be here a half hour ago. His

office called. He ran into trouble on the highway.

That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Why didn't you tell me? I just

I was on the phone with them when you started insulting me.

Well, that's ridiculous. I started insulting you seven years ago.

Look, I'm running late. We're going to have to cancel the photographer. You

can't cancel him. He's the biggest photographer in town.

He's also the latest photographer in town.

I'm supposed to be at a radio interview.

Benson, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at a radio interview.

See?

Well, how did the photo session go? He didn't show.

You didn't show for that either?

No. Not me.

Him. The photographer didn't show.

Well, what is his problem?

Well, he broke down on the highway.

Oh, come on, Benson. That's a lame excuse.

See?

Who is this person, anyway? He is Henry Brooke, the biggest photographer in

town.

Sorry I'm late.

This guy could be the biggest photographer in the world.

Where have you been and no phony excuses about the highway?

Now, Diane, sweetheart, maybe I should handle this. No, I'm really sorry. I'm

late. I hate being late. It makes me crazy.

Look, it's okay. It could happen to anyone.

No, it's not okay. He threw a whole schedule off. Sweetheart, the man is

big. It could happen to anyone.

In a compact.

A little four -cylinder compact.

Uh, Krauss, why don't you get Mr.

Brooks a...

A dozen donuts and an urn of coffee.

Yeah,

yeah, sure, okay.

We've got cameras bigger than that car.

We've probably got shoes bigger than that car.

Minson, what do you want me to do about the radio interview?

Well, see if they mind taking an interview on the phone. Right.

You don't mind if I work while you photograph, do you? No, that's what I'm

looking for. Okay.

Hey, Hank, how's it going? Hey, Clayton.

Oh, you know Clayton? Sure, I play basketball with him on the weekends.

If you get a real basketball, he's kind of hard to dribble, isn't he?

Benson, I have a message for you from the governor.

What is it?

I am no longer talking to you in person.

This will be our new way of communicating.

If you would like to respond, please do so after the beep.

Wait for the beep.

Well?

Amazing.

Well, aren't you going to respond?

No, no, no. Why not?

It's a silly idea.

Thank you.

You know, you and the governor are being such nitwits. I have a good mind not to

vote for either one of you.

Uh, Bruce, take some pictures of this. All right. Crowd, look here.

Buster, let's go.

Who do you think you're talking to?

Just who do you think I am talking to?

A polite conversation has broken down. I am being forcibly ejected from the

lieutenant governor's office by a henchwoman.

I did talk to the radio station.

We've been rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

Good. Now, what does the rest of the day look like? Ah, let's see.

1 o 'clock, Polish sausage and sauerkraut at the Falcon Hall.

2 .15, judging a chili cook -off in the barrio.

3 .30, opening Arthur's Castle of Pies.

And if I'm lucky, at 4 o 'clock, I get my stomach pumped.

After that, you receive your honorary antlers at the Moose Hall.

I don't have to eat them, too, do I?

No, you won't.

Okay, well, thank you, Diane. You've planned a really fun day.

Come on, let's get going. Mr.

Brooks, I want you to tag along. I want some pictures of these events. We'll

take my car. Okay.

She doesn't have a compact, does she? No, you'll be okay. She's got a sunroof.

We're interested to know that I just made the best political speech of my

and had the worst food I've ever eaten in my life. That bad?

Yeah, but I guess it serves me right for giving a speech before the Beet Growers

Association.

What did you have?

Beet loaf.

Listen, I was hoping we could go over some of the questions for tonight's

debate. Yeah, I guess we should. The governor's going to be pretty tough.

And Senator Gate won't be a pushover either. Oh, did you hear what happened?

what?

Well, actually, I guess it's kind of funny. He broke both his legs.

Vincent! Well, that's not the funny part.

What? What happened?

Yeah, well, he rented an elephant, and he had Vote for Gate written on it, and

he climbed aboard and took off down Watterson Boulevard. On an elephant?

yeah, you know, and that, uh, you know that, uh, low bridge down there where

Watterson crosses M?

Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah. Poor devil.

Broke both his legs. Oh, Benson, that's terrible.

Yeah, awful.

Well, but he learned a valuable lesson.

What's that?

Elephants don't duck.

Benson, Benson.

I've got him. Oh, Senator Tyler, how nice of you to stop by.

Oh, hello, Senator Hartford.

Guess what, Benson?

I finally got some dirt on Gene Gatling.

Did you bring it from home?

He lives under a rock.

No, no, no.

I have proof that during World War II, Dirty Gene took money from the

of the Navy.

Really? Is that true?

Of course it's true. He's a sailor. He got paid every month.

Is that what you're talking about?

Well, we don't have to tell him that part.

Get out.

Come on, Benson, please. This is our only chance. We need an edge.

Sharpen your head.

Look, Benson, face it.

We're a long shot.

I mean, I don't know if this has occurred to you, but you're black.

You're pink.

And you're bald.

Get out!

I'm not bald.

I have a high forehead.

Proceeding. Evaporated. Get out. Look, Benson. Krauss. Okay, okay.

Guten

Morgen,

Benson. Morning, Krauss.

Well, I can see by your calm expression you don't know about the disaster.

It's about Senator Tyler, isn't it?

Yeah, how did you know?

The word disaster gave it away.

Do you know what your esteemed running mate, Senator Tyler, said on television

last night?

No. He calls a governor a blood -sucking pirate.

Well, just ignore the little twit. Well, then, you don't want to hear what he

said about you.

Me? What did he say about me?

I thought you didn't want to know.

Oh, so get cute.

What am I saying?

Oh, well, Benson, it is only mudslinging.

I mean, far be it for me to be the cause of your grouchy mood.

You're always the cause of my grouchy mood.

Doesn't matter. Tell me what he said.

He said that his best friend and running mate, Benson Dubois, could prove that

everything he said about the governor was true.

Where did he get that? That lying little...

Weasel? Well, no, I wasn't going to say weasel, but that'll be okay.

Talking about me, Benson?

As long as you're here, yes.

Oh, not satisfied taking pot shots at the governor? Now you're after me.

Benson had nothing to do with what happened on television last night, and I

prove it. He was with me all night long.

Krauss, no matter how bad things get, don't ever say that.

I'm just trying to help.

No, don't. To be perfectly candid, I don't care what the governor thinks.

get over it in time.

Clayton, what are you doing in this nest of rattlesnakes?

So he'll need more time.

How could you have humiliated me that way on television?

I had nothing to do with it. It was Senator Tyler's idea. Are you trying to

me that you're not the brains behind this malicious attack?

I already told you it was Tyler's idea. How could there be any brains behind it?

He's your running mate. I hold you directly responsible.

Well, that's stupid.

Oh, so now I'm stupid. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold it, hold it,

hold it. I didn't say you were stupid. I said what you said was stupid.

That is a fine line, isn't it, Benson? Well, see?

See? If you were stupid, you wouldn't have picked up on that.

Well, that little stunt has made me the laughingstock of the state, and we are

not going to forget it, are we, Clayton?

Oh, no, sir. You know how I stand.

You're on two spindly legs.

Look, can we just forget about this and behave in a logical manner?

All right, logic, huh? You want logic.

All right.

You humiliated me on television.

So when we debate, I am going to humiliate you on television.

How do you like that?

Well, I think you just stepped over that fine line we were talking about. So?

So if you want to fight, you've got one. All right, fine, Benson. Just remember

this. When I am elected governor for an unprecedented third term, don't

come crawling to me for a job.

Just so you know that I haven't sunk to your despicable level, when I am elected

governor, there will be a job in the mansion for you and your ubiquitous yes

-man.

Doing what?

gentlemen. We're just about ready to go here.

Quiet!

Stand by.

Five, four, three, two!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to True Bit.

Here's your host, America's favorite television journalist, Chanton Peete.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

We have with us our two top political candidates, and they both claim that

would be the perfect choice to be the next governor of this great state.

What do you say?

Great! Right!

Okay, you guys, let's get right to it.

Governor, the lieutenant governor feels that you have been playing footsies with

big business over the water interest.

How do you answer that?

I have always kept an eye on the impact of business on the environment.

But now I feel that the time has come to expand our financial base and bring in

more jobs. And I think those two things can exist successfully side by side.

All right. That answer makes a lot of sense to me. So I can only assume that

you, Lieutenant Governor, do not want jobs for the people of our state. Well,

you assume wrong, Mr. Peake. I do want jobs for the people of this state.

You want to be a little more specific?

Yes.

I just think that we should wait.

until further studies can be made.

On what?

On the availability of water for this expansion so that we can minimize the

effect on the farmers.

That's it?

You mean to tell me that the only thing that separates you two guys is the fact

that you would wait a little longer to make the same decision?

Essentially, yes.

I would like to say that I have been the victim of the dirtiest smear campaign

this state has ever seen.

and this vicious attack was masterminded by the lieutenant governor, Mr. Benson

DuBois. Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. That's not true, and you know it.

Now, I have not been a party tool, nor have I authorized any smear tactics in

campaign. Oh, come off it, Benson.

I've been called everything from a blood -sucking pirate to a fugitive from the

CIA. It is not my fault if my little bald running mate has a flair for the

dramatic. You put him up to it. I didn't.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. The sparks are really flying here tonight, huh,

ladies and gentlemen?

Oh, boy.

Okay, let's take a call from one of our viewers.

Hello? You're on the air. You've reached the peak.

I'd like to know... Wait, wait, wait a minute, lady.

What's your name?

My name is Antoinette. Hi, Antoinette. What's your question?

I'd like to know what sign the governor is.

Sign?

Oh, oh, what sign?

Oh, I'm an independent.

Next.

Hello, you're on the air. This is Duke.

Hey, Duke.

What's your question? Look, let's settle this Roger Maris question once and for

all. 61 home runs is 61 home runs.

Next. No asterisks. Next.

That was from last night's show, you guys.

Okay.

You're on the air. You've reached the peak.

you're on the air. Hello.

Hello, you're on the air. Hello, can you hear me?

Yes, lady, I can hear you. You're on the air. What's your name?

Well, I would like to remain anomalous.

Hello, Mrs. Anomalous.

What's your question? I would like to say that these two men are the nicest

people I've ever worked with.

That's not a question, lady. Get to the point.

Hey, don't push me, buster. I'll come down there and give you a battle.

And if that's who I think it is, she can do it.

Lady, do you have a question?

Yeah. Does Benson have to keep his hands in his pockets?

Goodbye, lady.

Weirdos.

Listen, certain sources have indicated to me that the governor feels that

just not doing a very good job with the lieutenant governor. Is that true?

Well, if it is, it's the first I've heard of it.

But then again, the governor would be the best man to answer that.

Governor? No, I don't really feel that Benton's done a bad job as lieutenant

governor. See, what's between me and him is a personal matter. Oh, a personal

matter? Oh, well, just between you and me.

What is it? He said I flip -flopped.

Flip -flopped me.

And he said I sold out and he hasn't apologized.

I do not intend to apologize. You have flip -flopped yourself right into the

middle of this campaign.

What does that mean?

Well, what does it mean?

Well, I thought you and I agreed that I would run for governor and you would

support me. But no, I look around and 11 weeks later, you decide to flip -flop

yourself and you're running for governor. All right, all right. Now,

the surface that might seem a little shallow, but try to see it from my point

view.

There is a spirit to this administration that I would like to carry forward into

the next four years.

I thought we agreed. That's why I was running for governor. Yeah, but Katie

couldn't graduate with her class.

Katie? Oh, yeah, you know, and she would... Benson, I love being governor.

It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Well, didn't you ever stop to think what it would mean to me?

Well, it didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Yeah, but you jeopardized the entire campaign. We could both wind up losing.

That certainly wasn't my intention.

Yeah, but that may be the result.

Well, I just thought you'd withdraw and then run again in four years.

You know me seven years. I look like the kind of guy who's going to withdraw.

You want me to withdraw?

Would you?

No.

Well, that I can understand.

I can understand it, too.

Well, I think we can all understand that, huh, ladies and gentlemen?

This is beautiful.

It looks to me like these two bitter rivals have finally become friends.

Prove it!

You know how we can prove it?

I think it would be beautiful if we could see these two guys give each other

big hug. What do you say, audience?

This gubernatorial race has turned out a lot closer than anybody predicted.

With a last -minute sympathy vote, Senator Gate has made a three -way race

of this election.

With only 12 precincts yet to report, it is virtually a dead heat between

Governor Gatling, Lieutenant Governor Benson Dubois, and Senator Gate.

Well, Benton, I thought you'd be at party headquarters.

Well, I was, but it got a little noisy over there, so I thought I'd watch the

results over here.

Pretty good idea.

Mind if I join you? No, no. Sit.

So, Vincent, how's it going?

Oh, good.

How are you doing?

Good, good.

I was just thinking, no matter which way it goes, it'll be the end of an era.

Yeah.

Seven great years.

Seven years, huh? Oh, I'm telling you.

I remember when I first came here, I was head of household affairs.

I was a brand -new governor.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you appointed me budget director.

I was the governor.

And then I got elected lieutenant governor.

I was still the governor.

Looking back on it all, though, it gives me a great feeling.

It's easy for you to say you weren't stuck in the same job.

Well, look at it this way. Senator Gate could take the whole thing and we'd both

be out of a job.

If that happens, let's go fishing.

Why the hell not?

You want to go fishing?

I'd rather be governor.

Me too.

Oh, I think something's happening here.

With only seven precincts to report, Cat TV has projected a winner.

Good luck, Benson. Good luck, Herman.

And the winner is...