Original subtitles

Ah, Clayton, this works for me.

Well, well, might I take that as a compliment?

You that hard up?

One thing, Clayton, I wish you wouldn't use so many big words in your proposals.

Really not necessary.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand what exactly is the source of

perturbation.

Well, here you say bucolic topography.

You could say farmland.

And here.

You say unsightly blemish on the landscape.

Vincent!

When you could just as easily have said Kraus.

Sir, it's a long -distance call for you from Senator Hartford.

Thank you.

Hi, Diane.

How's everything in Springfield?

Terrific. Mom says hi.

I'll tell her I said hi.

So what do you want, babe?

I really miss you.

Oh, well.

I miss you, too.

Say hi for me, too.

So what is it, babe?

Listen, I have got something I'd really like to discuss with you.

Can we meet, say, at the Parkside Restaurant tomorrow night when I get in?

Well, sure.

What do you want to discuss?

Well, it's really not the sort of thing to talk about over the phone.

Well, it isn't bad news, is it? Oh, no. It's wonderful news, at least I think

so.

Well,

could you give me a little hint?

No, Vincent, don't make me tell you now.

I want to be able to look into your eyes when you give me your answer.

You want to be able to look into my eyes when I give you my answer to what?

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

You're not going to get this out of me. No, you're just going to have to wait

until tomorrow night.

I'm not going to say anything more than this is an important proposal that could

change your life.

An important proposal that could change my life.

Are you trying to sell me life insurance?

No, silly.

Listen, let me let you get back to work.

Benson?

What?

Maybe I'm at work. These two clowns are staying right here.

Don't do that. Don't do this to me over here. Okay, kissy -kissy.

Knock it off, Clayton. You look like a trout with a mustache.

Let's get back to your proposal.

Yeah, well, let's forget about my proposal. We want to hear about your

What proposal?

Oh, come on, Ben. I mean, simply based on your... end of the conversation, it

doesn't take an Einstein to deduce that she's hinting at marriage. An idiot

could figure that out. I did.

Oh, Clayton, that was a private conversation. It's none of our business.

Is that what she was talking about, Benson?

I don't know what she was talking about, but I'm sure it wasn't marriage.

Well, I don't know. You and Senator Hartford have been going out together

a long time, haven't you?

So what? It doesn't prove anything.

And didn't she say something about an important proposal?

Yes. And didn't she say she wanted to look into your eyes when you gave your

answer to that proposal?

Yeah, but... I think she's going to ask you to marry her.

That's ridiculous.

Come on, let's get back to this proposal.

Besides, there's any number of things she could have been talking about.

Oh, sure, sure.

Like what?

Well, I don't know. You know women. There's a lot of possibilities.

Absolutely.

Loads of possibilities.

Like what?

Well, there are...

that she could want to talk about.

Okay, well...

Oh,

wow, Benson, we were just talking about you.

So when is the big day?

When is what big day?

Your wedding day.

Everybody in the mansion's talking about it.

So, when do you take the big funds, Chief?

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

There's not going to be a wedding. Nobody said anything about a wedding.

Then what is all this talk about you getting red -locked? I don't know what

people are talking about down here in this kitchen.

I'm not locked into anything.

Okay, we heard that Senator Hartford's going to pop the questions you tomorrow.

Katie, she's going to pop a question.

If anybody is going to pop the question, I'll be the one popping it.

Don't be so sure. That Senator Hartford seems to me to be the type of woman who

wouldn't mind popping first.

Pop goes your brain.

My cousin Irma asked all three of her husbands to marry her.

Well, she had to. She was a very ugly woman.

Of course, it wasn't her fault, poor thing.

Her whole family was hairy.

You know, Benson, there's no reason why Senator Hartford shouldn't propose to

you. Of course.

It's perfectly all right for a woman to propose as well as a man.

Yeah, that's why men sweat so much.

I'm going to squash this rumor right now.

I guess we're just going to have to see what Senator Hartford does.

Diane? No, this is Audrey.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Hartford.

Is Diane in? No, honey, she's not here, but she'll be back soon. She's out being

fitted for a dress.

Fitted for a dress.

Well,

yes. Can I take a message?

No, I was just calling back because she had said that she had something

important to ask me and... Oh, yes, she most certainly does.

And, Benson, we're all so happy about it.

So happy about what?

Now,

now. I'm not going to let the cat out of the bag.

Let what cat out of what bag?

Oh, no, you don't, Benson.

But while I have you on the phone, I just want to say how happy I am Diane

a nice man like you. And I want you to take real good care of her, you hear?

Bye, son.

My curiosity is killing me. What's going on, Benson?

Well, I talked to Diane's mother, and it looks like you guys were right. She's

going to ask me to marry her.

Diane's mother?

No.

Diane. Oh.

Oh.

Well, that's wonderful.

So what's the problem? Well, I'm not sure that I'm quite ready for marriage.

Listen, why don't you tell me what you're feeling, and I'll listen and give

some feedback.

Hell, I'm up to my neck in feedback when I needed a loophole.

Oh, God, this is good.

Don't hold back. Just let it all out.

Well, you see, the problem is that I've grown set in my ways, and, you know,

it's hard to change.

I can see that.

Yeah. On the other hand, it would be nice to have someone to...

Share my life with me. I can see that.

And, you know, the job, this job takes a lot of time and energy, eh? I can see

that.

And I'm not getting any younger.

Yeah, I can see that, too.

Have you seen enough to say something meaningful?

Okay, okay.

Now, the way I see it, you have two choices, and only two choices.

Either you marry Diane, or you don't.

How long did it take you to come up with that?

Well, I've been reading quite a few books on Eastern philosophy lately, and

really teach you to get to the core of the problem.

Yeah, well, with all due respect, Governor, I gotta say, your advice

lot better when you were reading Peanuts.

This is way beyond penis.

There is one important point that we

haven't discussed here.

Do you love Diane?

Well, of course I love her.

We wouldn't be having this discussion if I didn't.

I'll give her anything she wants. She wants you.

Damn it, Governor, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to marry her.

Congratulations, Benson.

The only thing is, I'm going to be the one doing the proposing.

Good. A marriage always starts off best when the man does the proposing.

Did your mother tell you that?

Yeah. Why?

My mother told me the same thing.

I suppose this is a conspiracy.

If it is, over half the world's in on it.

This is big.

Good

morning,

sir. Good morning. May I be of service?

Yes, I'd like to see something in a nice diamond and... Engagement ring. Correct

me if I'm wrong, but are you not Lieutenant Governor Dubois?

Yes. Yes, I am. It is a pleasure and an honor to serve you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Now, about the ring.

Yes, sir.

Here's a stunning engagement ring I know a man of your style and taste will

appreciate. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yes, it's very nice. Can I get a closer look at it? Most certainly.

One

can't

be too cautious.

Yes, that's beautiful.

You have excellent taste.

It's a five -carat marquee -cut solitaire set in a band of platinum.

Mm -hmm.

That's wonderful.

How much is it? Is that really important?

Yes, it is, yes.

Good grief, I made zeros, is there?

I paid less than that for my condo.

I'm sure it would seem expensive to the average Joe.

But you must remember that you are the lieutenant governor, and you don't want

to appear chintzy.

I also don't want to appear bankrupt.

You have a marvelous sense of humor.

I have always felt that on a special occasion such as this, one should not

hesitate to reach deep into one's pockets.

Well, brother, I could reach all the way to my socks, and I wouldn't come up

with that kind of money.

I suppose I could show you something a touch less expensive, if you insist.

I insist.

I suppose one should really remember that, after all, you are only lieutenant

governor.

Put it down, quick, put it down, put it down! Put it down!

Too late.

Well, Benton, what a surprise.

Well, is this the lucky bride -to -be?

Are you kidding me?

Bride -to -be. Oh, Benson, does this mean you are here to buy a ring for

Oh, that's wonderful.

I'm so happy for you.

Well, does anything strike your fancy, sir?

Well, this looks pretty good. How much is this one? No, I couldn't sell you

one, sir. You don't want that one. It's flawed.

I don't see anything wrong with it. Oh, you can't see it with the naked eye? You

need a jeweler's loop.

You don't want that, Benson.

Why? Diane doesn't have a loop.

I don't think you should walk out of here with something that is flawed.

You're right. You go on ahead.

Well, this one looks very nice.

Yes, that is very nice.

Did you notice the little tag?

I am right on top of it, my man.

I can handle that. Well, bingo.

It's beautiful, Benson.

Yeah, I think Diane will like that. Let me get a box for you.

Thank you, sir. Oh, it's a lovely ring, Benson. Diane will be so happy.

When are you going to give it to her? Tonight at the Parkside restaurant.

Well, congratulations.

Come on, sweetheart. That's enough, isn't it?

It is an old Bavarian tradition to kiss both cheeks.

Good. Go kiss an old Bavarian.

I'm Diane Hartford. I've got reservations for two.

Oh, yes.

It'll be just the moment, madam.

Oh, Senator Hartford.

How nice to see you, dear.

Senator Tyler.

Hello.

Oh, this is Roxanne.

Well, Senate Scuttlebutt is that you were over in Springfield talking with

party bosses about our next candidate for governor.

There is some truth to that.

I'm sure my name must have come up.

Well, I mean, after all, Gatling can't run again. It's my year.

Everybody owes me.

Well, actually, Senator Tyler, we're considering someone else.

What? Who?

Well, I can't say.

Dubois, isn't it?

Oh. That's possible.

Admit it.

It's Dubois for governor, right?

Really? All right, all right. I admit it. As a matter of fact, that's why I'm

here. To ask Benson if he would consider running for governor.

I like Benson.

He's cute.

Who asked you?

Who begged for this date?

Who bought dinner?

Who's not going to get dessert?

Always nice to see Senator Tyler.

Oh, it's good to see you.

Excuse me. Yes. Your table is ready. Thank you.

Thank you.

Could we have a bottle of your best champagne, my man? Very good, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, how was your trip?

Oh, I had a wonderful time.

I am so excited about what I have to tell you, ask you. Just a minute, Diane.

know exactly what you're going to ask me.

You do?

Yes. How did you find out?

Well, I put two and two together.

Wasn't that difficult to figure out?

Oh, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Even Senator Tyler knew about

He does?

Oh, yes. In fact, he was very upset that I'm asking you instead of him.

Tyler, you're kidding.

No.

Well, I didn't even know he was interested.

Oh, yeah.

He has been lobbying for this for a couple of years now.

Lobbying?

Why that little squirt?

Well, why didn't you tell me?

Well, I thought you knew. I mean, everybody in town knows about it. Are we

talking about the same Senator Tyler, the little bald white guy?

Yes.

Oh, but he was never a serious contender. I mean, you're far and away

choice. Yeah, that's a relief.

Uh, look, Diane.

Now, I know I'm kind of old -fashioned, but I still feel that some things ought

to be done in a traditional manner.

So, with your permission, I'd like to do that right now.

Sure. What is this?

Will you marry me?

Oh, of course I will.

Good.

Then it's done.

Oh, this comes as such a surprise.

Surprise?

I had no idea.

No idea?

I'm shocked.

Shocked?

Why are you repeating everything I say?

Why am I repeating everything you say?

Diane, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you planning to ask me to marry

tonight? What? Where did you get that idea?

Well, everything you said. You, your mother, Senator Tyler.

Senator Tyler?

What does he... to do with this? Well, don't ask me. You're the one he's been

hitting on for the past two years.

That little bald white guy?

Please.

Well, what were you planning to ask me about if it wasn't marriage?

I wanted to ask you if you were interested in running for governor.

Running for governor?

Is that it?

Well, I thought it was a pretty big deal.

Well, it is, except I wasn't expecting that.

the party leaders.

They want you to be their candidate in the next election.

So you weren't even thinking about marrying me?

Of course I thought about it. Well, for goodness sakes, why didn't you ask me?

Well, I have been single a very long time, and I'm very set in my ways, and

both have our careers.

Exactly. So we don't have to get married.

Have to?

Have to.

Well, I didn't mean have to. I mean... But you said have to. Yeah, I know I

have to, but... Let's change the subject.

Governor Dubois.

Sounds nice, huh?

Yes.

I was thinking Mrs. Diane Dubois.

Sounds nice, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Governor and Mrs.

Dubois.

There's a nice ring.

Mr. Noir.