Original subtitles

Yeah, I know what you mean, sweetheart. It's gotten hectic around here, too.

Yeah, the movie company.

Yeah, uh, listen, am I going to, uh, see you tonight?

Oh, well, it's not that bad.

They're not gonna close the roads.

All right, uh, Arnie, Arnie, now we're going to need some shots of George

Kennedy with the governor and the lieutenant governor.

I know, Clayton, you sent me a memo.

Well, I can't talk to you now about it.

Because I can't. I see it, eh?

Why are you people taking your clothes off in my office? There's still

repapering in my office.

Don't you got a memo?

Clayton, didn't Benson get a memo? Of course Benson got a memo. I put it on

desk myself. He probably threw it in the trash.

Only if it had your name on it.

The photo session with Mr. Kennedy has been moved into your office.

Now? Now.

George Kennedy filming right here in the mansion. Oh, boy, I can't wait. I loved

him in the airport.

And Cool Hand Luke. Oh, and Charade.

Remember, he was the killer with the hook.

Imagine shaking hands with him.

Oh, I mean, not the killer, George Kennedy.

I've met George Kennedy.

We were in the army together.

Uh -huh, yeah.

You and 800 ,000 other guys.

You know, a big movie star and you never told anybody? I don't believe it.

Yeah, we went to a lot of the same parties in Korea.

You probably wouldn't remember.

Um, I met Basil Rathbone once.

Here we are. The roads from the airport were horrible.

Mr. Kennedy, what a pleasure to meet you after so many happy hours with you in

the dark.

Governor,

this is George Kennedy, Governor Gatling. How do you do, Governor? Well,

promised the snow.

We delivered, huh?

Yeah. George, let me introduce everybody.

This is Arthur Duffy, the governor's staff photographer.

Arthur. Hi.

And Clayton Endicott, our budget director.

How do you do, Mr. Kennedy?

You know, actually, I've done a little bit of acting myself.

Yeah, you and 800 ,000 other guys.

Corporal Dubois?

Lieutenant Governor Corporal Dubois.

Vincent! I don't believe it. I don't believe it either.

You've gotten even bigger, if that's possible.

How about that? This guy and I shared a foxhole in a particularly unfriendly

part of Korea.

A very crowded foxhole.

Hey, Corporal Dubois, what shall I do with this kimchi?

If it moves, Sarge, slug it.

How about that? Benson knows George Kennedy.

So what? I know Louis Rukeyser. I got things to attend to.

I still can't believe it. Benson Dubois.

What did you say your name was?

If you gentlemen would just sit on the couch.

Okay. Oh, George.

You got here. We were worried about the snow. We all came in yesterday before it

started. Reba, how's it going?

Reba!

Where were you?

I was just saying... Never mind. I don't know why the director has to go

searching for the producer every time something comes up. Richard.

Oh, Mr. Kennedy.

You decided to grace us with your presence on time today. That's good.

Good. Camera rehearsal for scene 201 will be at 1 p .m. promptly.

Be there. Reba, you come with me.

I want you to see what your crazy art director's done now.

That's our director. He's a lovely fellow.

I've met him. Yeah, Benson threatened to knock Mr. Tracy's block off.

What did he do?

He keeps calling me scatman.

What's with that guy, anyway?

Well, the last picture he directed went way over budget and then lost money.

The money guys on this picture ain't likely to be too understanding.

Well, they're real bottom line guys.

More like bottom of the lake guys.

All

right,

everybody. This will be a...

I'd like to get this take before dinner. Are you ready, Street?

Yeah, I'm ready. Great.

Roll film.

Rolling. Speed. We have speed, Richard.

Devil's Workshop, scene 112, take one, director Richard Allen Tracy.

And action.

Rinse that one.

Beautiful, Watson.

Just perfect.

It was a little off, man.

I can fly so much higher. Let me try it again.

Look, man, I got what I want.

And it costs us 80 grand a day to watch you fly.

Set up for 117A.

Wait a minute.

You can't do that. I want to do the bit again.

Mr. Street, this is a film.

Film? is a director medium.

Actors should be seen and not heard.

And comics should be neither. No, no, no.

Either I do the bit again or I walk.

Walk? What is this, your idea of a joke?

Well, just because we're working in this podunk city does not give you the

license to act like an amateur. Okay, okay, that's it. I'm out of here.

You can't do this. I'm out of here!

You'll never work in this town again!

Hopefully none of us will.

How's it going?

Oh, hi, Mr. Kennedy.

Watson Street and the director are fighting.

No, no, Katie. They're not fighting.

They're just having artistic differences.

Katie, how are you doing with your lines?

Lines? What lines?

Oh, haven't you heard?

Katie's in the movie.

She's ghost number one. No kidding.

That's no big deal. Only two lines. What I'd really like to do is direct.

Hi,

George. Benson.

George Benson?

Where?

Vicki has now opened hostilities with your co -star, George.

Yes, so I heard.

Well, come on, Katie. There's nothing happening around here. Let's go get

for supper.

Are you kidding? At Miss Watson Street?

I think it's going to be a little while, Katie.

Okay, shoot.

Bye. Bye.

You look fine.

Thanks, Vicki.

This is it, huh?

This is the exciting world of movie making.

Looks more like the army.

Hurry up and wait.

The director is kind of like a drill sergeant.

Only not as well liked.

In Hollywood, if you got a hit, you got lots of friends.

Well, in politics, if you got lots of friends, you got a hit.

Maggie seems to like him, though.

Well, they used to be close.

When we were shooting in Greece, he dropped her.

Lucky woman.

All right, you slackers.

Let's do it again.

Scene 112 from the top.

Come on.

Move it.

This time I'm going to take a beat longer with the lamp, okay?

Whatever you want, sweetheart. Just do it.

And I'll get it to stick to film.

Tracy is going out of his way to alienate Street.

I'm going to put a stop to this.

Do you think now is the right time?

You're right.

I hate that balding egomaniac.

Even with hair, it'd be tough to like him.

George, we're going to be a bit behind.

Street insists on a retake. You know, television people.

No problem. We'll just hang here out of the way. Great. Beautiful.

George, I really don't need gawkers around today.

Besides, I'm sure Lieutenant Governor Dubois has other things to take care of,

right? Bribes to count, tilts to dip into.

Richard, you're out of line.

I'm very sorry, Benson.

All right, George.

I'm sure Mr.

Tracy would be more comfortable with fewer witnesses.

Hold it, man.

What does that mean?

Get your hands off me.

I'm not finished with you yet. Trust me.

You're finished.

George, let's finish.

Tracy, I put up with your nonsense for three months in four countries, and I

have had you right up to here.

Oh, George, George, please. One star trip at a time.

Right now, I've got to massage Street's ego.

What does he think he is?

Talking to you like that, a star of your magnitude.

Disgraceful.

Listen, George, my niece would love to have your autograph.

Quiet!

Roll film.

Rolling.

Devil's Workshop scene 112, take two.

The director's name, dodo woman.

Director Richard Alan Tracy.

Action.

We didn't know. Who are these people?

There should be a sign.

Forget it!

What's the point? I gotta reload.

Wait a minute.

Give me that.

I'm sending this piece of film to the coast. We'll live with take one.

Street won't buy that.

I don't want those people breaking my legs because His Highness didn't like

performance. Hey, he wants to do another take. And we're behind schedule.

Look, Corky, do me a favor. Just do your job and keep your mouth shut.

What's that all about?

I think we ruined the scene, Art.

No, I mean that breaking the legs business.

Oh, haven't you heard there's a rumor that the money people in Hollywood

I hear we're snowed in.

Snowed in, that's right.

I'd better go out to my car and get the good lenses before they frost over. I

had my staff prepare some rooms for you and your crew.

Hope that's okay.

That's all this company needs is to be snowed in together. What else could

possibly go wrong?

I wish you hadn't asked that question.

We'll get that emergency generator running in no time.

George, about that autograph.

What's going on?

He's dead.

Well, listen, that's okay. I didn't see anything.

No, no, no, no, no. I didn't do it. I said, well, if that's it, how much is

ball?

What's going on?

Chris is dead.

Why did you do it? I didn't do it. It's a little bit early to be accusing

anybody. All right, all right. Now let's just try to stay calm. I'll call the

police. I knew your temper would get you into trouble someday.

And your mouth is going to get you into trouble today.

Phone's dead.

We've been cut off.

What's going on?

Richard has gotten himself killed.

Yeah, wherever you are, sir.

I was outside trying to get to my car.

Aha! Aha!

I was hoping to trap him into a confession.

Oh, really? Thank you, Sherlock Pinhead.

All right, all right, everybody. Let's just move him into the storage room

we can call the police. Arthur, everybody, do something.

Roll him over now, gently.

Maybe we should...

No, no, no.

Of course we could.

Well, I guess we'll have to shut down, Reba. No, we can't do that. We have to

finished with this location by Wednesday.

The man is dead. You can't be worried about a silly movie.

Corky, you can take over and finish tomorrow's work.

Why not?

I finish up every day's work.

I'll go tell the crew. And don't worry, Corky.

You'll get the credit. Wait a minute. What is this?

It looks like an 86 filter.

It was under the body.

He must have grabbed that box of filters when he fell.

Here, I'll put it away.

Oh, this must be the murder weapon.

Oh, it has blood on it. And now it has your fingerprints on it.

And George's. Oh, oh, oh.

It'll be a very interesting murder trial.

The skill of testimony alone will take a day.

Wait a minute.

Who are we going to get to play the butler?

Oh, Richard was going to do that as his cameo appearance.

Well, how about somebody local? That's not a very big part.

Can we worry about casting later?

I mean, I want to get out of here before somebody starts to juggle the murder

weapon again.

Hold it.

If you need an actor, perhaps I can be persuaded to assay the role.

Have you ever acted?

Every day of his life.

He can play the part. He looks like a butler.

Now, how about this?

Perhaps he is a playboy who has fallen on hard times and has to

be a butler.

Yeah, well, we have to finish.

You've got the part.

Is that it?

If you'd have waited, he'd have begged.

Well, George, it looks like you and I are going to be co -stars.

Sweetheart.

What do you think happened here, Benson?

I think he just weaseled his way into your movie.

No, I mean the murder.

Did you notice anything suspicious?

You mean other than the blood, the weapon, and the corpse?

Fine, fine. I was only trying to help. After all, Benson, you are the prime

suspect.

You know something? She's got a point. Maybe we should... George, George, this

isn't Korea.

A murder investigation should not be handled by amateurs. A war, maybe.

Well, that's all right, except for one thing.

We're snowed in. The police can't get here. We can't call out. And there's a

killer roaming the governor's bench. That's four things.

Benson, all I'm saying is that around here... George, George, I read your

You think life is like a murder mystery? I have never written in... You read my

books? Sure.

What'd you think?

There's a killer loose and you want a book review? Come on, Benson.

Well, I liked them.

What do you mean?

White. They were diverting.

What do you mean, diverting? I appreciated them. Come on.

You appreciated them?

I say, it was the worst night of my life.

Sleeping under the same roof as a killer?

I think it was that producer woman.

She is icy cold.

If you ask me, it's that quirky character. He has beady eyes.

Reba, I really want to tell you how deeply I appreciate this opportunity.

Oh, don't thank me. Thank the late Mr. Tracey.

Yes, well, I do have just a little problem with the line.

Mr. Endicott, Clayton, this is a modern story.

Contemporary dialogue is punchy.

So just say the words, okay?

Fine. No, fine. I'm just trying to help.

Contemporary. All right, everybody settle down, please. This is a

Contemporary. Contemporary.

And action.

That's you, Mr. Endicott.

The doctor will join you in a moment.

What was that?

That's Brando.

Brando?

Marlon Brando?

No, no, Mr. Endicott, I need you to... Clayton, where did you get that scarf?

I just picked it up.

It's not a part of this wardrobe.

Fine, Maggie, that's all right, fine. Listen, Mr. Endicott... I need the

It helps me. He needs the scarf.

Fine, just don't do Brando, hmm? Let's do this again, people. Ready?

And... Action!

The Doctor!

That does not work for me. All right, that's lunch.

That sort of thing's never happened in the governor's mansion.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure letting them continue with the filming was a good

Well, I really didn't have time to object.

But I don't suppose anything can happen in broad daylight.

Hey, fellas.

Oh, hi, George.

I've been thinking about, uh, you know... The incident.

Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about it, too. I haven't been able to... What?

What's that?

Oh, no. No, I'm rigged. It's for the movie.

My death scene is after lunch. Oh.

Oh.

There's far too much violence in movies.

There's far too much violence in the kitchen for that, man.

Well, gentlemen.

Now, we're on five.

You gonna use that scarf in the scene?

Yes.

What is it about this scarf? It works for me.

I hope you realize that when the police arrive, you are going to be a prime

suspect. Oh, for goodness sake.

Are you saying that people are going to think that I... I'm the lieutenant

governor.

Everybody knows you had a fight with him. That's right.

You're the one that discovered the body. Uh -huh.

Had the murder weapon in your hand.

That's good, George. I was... And everybody knows you have a quick temper.

not.

Benson, if you're in need of an attorney, just remember that I know the

the back of my hand.

The only way I'm going to need an attorney is if you three are on the

Benson, Benson, Benson.

The history of jurisprudence is replete with instances of totally innocent men

who have gone to the chair for crimes they didn't commit.

Now, it's only in the realm of fiction and B -movies that the identity of the

real murderer is arrived at through... a clever interpretation of clues by an

amateur sleuth in the final theme.