Original subtitles

Last week on Benson.

When did Clayton learn how to fly a helicopter?

Last summer. He's been dying to take me out for a ride. That Endicott, classy

guy. Imagine flying us 250 miles to play golf.

I whack my head pretty good.

Bad news.

The radio doesn't work.

The radio doesn't work.

So, how you doing, Tommy?

That's a stupid question. I'm barfing my guts out. Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

We're about three fingers off course.

Oh, my gosh. That's 70 miles, give or take a finger. We have no food.

We have no water.

We're dead.

We're doomed.

We're done for.

We might as well dig a hole in the ground, lie down in it, and throw dirt

ourselves. Shut up!

Sir, it has become more and more apparent that we are not going to be

and I've decided to go for help.

I thought you said you were sleepy.

I can't, no.

Well, then did you find a harmonica anyway?

Oh, I always carry a harmonica when I fly.

You want to know why? No.

Just keep playing.

Any information?

Oh, no, no.

Search and rescue. Can't even guess where to look. It's going to be a while,

Liebchen. Hope they're going to be all right. It's supposed to be hot out

Yeah, I know.

Well, they are just going to have to save themselves.

If only I had some way of telling them.

Save yourselves.

Save yourselves.

What is it, Bunsen?

I could have sworn that I just heard Krause's voice.

Perhaps you did.

The universe is one continuum of cosmic energy.

Are you feeling all right?

I think I'm better than I've ever been, Bunsen.

I sat here this morning. I watched the sun rise up out of the earth.

That must have been nice. I watched a new day being born.

Came to realize it doesn't matter if we never leave this place.

Well, it does to me.

Forget your fears, my son.

We can't die.

We exist forever in the wind.

Does not make you feel wonderful?

No.

I prefer to exist for a limited time in a gracious condominium.

Sit with me tonight, Benson.

You'll feel differently.

No, I won't.

I'll just feel tired.

Where's Tommy?

He's practicing his sand shots.

You shouldn't be doing that.

Try not to shave your head before I get back.

Morning, sport.

Good morning.

Did you be doing this?

Yeah.

So it makes a difference between us pros and you duffers.

It's control of the short game.

No, I meant how's your head?

Fine. Not a couple of gin and tonics wouldn't cure.

Where'd Endicott go?

He went looking for help.

What an idiot.

Tommy, why don't you just sit down and take it easy?

Hey, I'm a big boy now, huh?

I can take control of my own life. Okay, sport?

Okay with me, sport.

What are you doing?

Looking for food.

So far, I found a six -pack of warm beer.

I'm getting worried about Clayton. You suppose he found any help?

I don't know.

There's pretty rugged terrain around here. Wouldn't it be nice if he stumbled

across some old prospector with a burro and he came to help us?

It'd be even nicer if that prospector had an air -conditioned Monte Carlo.

I'd settle for either one.

Now, what brought about this change? Five minutes ago, you were happy

as a dust devil.

Yeah, I decided I wanted to brush my teeth, you know, and I started to miss

toothbrush and that tube of striped toothpaste and the wax dental floss.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You don't see too many hermits with great teeth.

Did you find any food?

Yeah, you want a beer?

Seven o 'clock in the morning? Yeah, it's wet.

I'll take it.

I hate this beer.

Yeah, it's got no taste.

So filling. No taste.

So filling.

I don't know.

Is he?

No.

No, let's get him back up to the helicopter.

Get up, boy. Get up.

That's it, boy.

Any sign of Clayton?

No.

Benson, can I talk to you over here?

Yeah, yeah. What is it? I don't want Tommy to hear this.

Well, he can't hear us. He's unconscious, isn't he?

Good point.

Okay, let's go back over there. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Just tell me what

you want to tell me.

Well, I think Tommy is in very bad shape.

I don't think he can wait to be rescued.

Yeah.

Then we'll just have to carry him out.

How?

Build a litter.

Put him on it and carry him.

Hudson, with this bomb ankle, I can't help carry him.

Well, I'll just have to put him on the litter and drag him Indian style.

Right, right.

Oh, like in that movie Cheyenne Autumn.

All those poor people, they walked for days and days in the wilderness and then

everybody died.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Come on, let's build a litter.

Yeah, I'll look after Tommy.

Okay, I think that's about got it.

Let's see if we can get him on here now.

Okay.

Oh, this sucker is heavy.

Oh, heavy.

Okay. Put his feet up there.

Okay.

Okay, Governor, let's see if we can lift him up now.

Watch your leg.

Here we go.

I think I'm getting delirious. I'm hearing voices.

Did you hear that?

Of course I heard it. I'm delirious.

Wait right here. I'm going to go check it out.

My friends, I've been walking for miles.

Helicopter crashed. We've got to save them.

Clayton. Save them.

Clayton.

Clayton. Hurry.

They're starving to death. We've got to save them.

No, no, no. Clayton. Oh, my God. Clayton. Oh, my God. I'm being mugged.

the middle of the wilderness, and I'm being mugged.

Clayton. What? What? It's me.

What? Spencer. Yeah, you saw him. Yeah.

No, we're not safe.

We're not safe.

Put your act together.

You were a Marine, remember?

Yes, I'm a Marine. I hated that haircut.

Come on, I'll get you back to the helicopter and give you a warm beer. I

want a warm beer.

I want a club soda with a twist of lemon and a BLT.

The cactus.

I drank from the cactus, just like in the movies.

And?

How was I to know that I'm allergic to cactus? I knew I was allergic to

pineapple, but cactus!

Here, let me get you a beer.

I think you'll find it's filling.

Yeah, there's no taste.

Wait, hold it, hold it.

What do we do now?

Look, after seeing Clayton, I'm not sure that walking out is such a good idea.

What else can we do?

It'll be dark in a couple of hours.

Why don't we wait till morning?

And then?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

He's burning up.

If his temperature doesn't go down soon, I don't know.

Well, I guess we don't have any choice. We'll have to take our chances.

We'll have to carry him out.

Did I hear you say carry him out?

That is a stupid idea. We don't know where we are. We could end up walking in

circles. That's true, too, as you proved earlier.

That's how long will it take. This man needs medical attention now.

I suggest we fix the helicopter and fly out of here. I agree with Clayton. Are

you guys crazy? We don't know anything about fixing a helicopter.

You're a fast learner.

Where do you expect to learn? You expect a straight PBS broadcaster to show up

here?

We have the manual on how the helicopter works. It's simply a matter of

deductive reasoning.

I say no.

We can do it. Governor, this isn't a movie. This is real life. We have to do

That's right.

we'd be stranded out here forever.

And years from now, an old prospector could stumble over our bones, and the

word frozen on your lips will be no.

Now, is that the kind of legacy you want to leave behind?

Oh, don't be so melodramatic.

Let's have a look at it. But wait a minute, wait a minute.

If this thing starts getting ridiculous, I suggest we close up shop and walk out

of here.

Agreed?

Agreed. Agreed.

these people, too.

I'll go back to Baltimore, settle down, open up a little jazz club,

spend my dwindling days tinkling on the piano.

That didn't come out right, but it doesn't matter. I'll talk to myself.

Clayton, can you tell what you're doing? Your eyes are swollen again.

Ah, it's not too bad. I think we can fix it.

Not too bad? I thought you said the propeller was broken.

It's called a rotor.

Rotor? I don't care what it's called. If it's broken, it's called junk.

No, no, no. The rotor itself is fine. It's just the right side pitch length

that's broken.

What does that do again?

Well, it allows you to control the aircraft.

So we can't get off the ground. We just can't go anywhere.

Benson, we can fix it. Now, we bind a few of the golf clubs together.

Now, we shove the handles down into the control unit at the lower end. We drill

a hole in the face of the club, and we bolt it through the rotor.

You're not serious.

No, we can do that.

Yeah, well, do you think golf clubs are strong enough to hold that thing

together? Well, if I've correctly calculated the tensile strength.

Suppose you haven't.

Oh, don't be a party pooper, Buzzard. What about the broken fuel line that

caused us to crash in the first place? No sweat.

We repair that with golf gloves and athletic tape.

Right. Golf gloves and athletic tape. I can see the headlines now. Lieutenant

Governor perishes in mashy, niblick tragedy along with three dodos.

Benson, would you just get the tools out of the helicopter? I'll get the golf

gloves. Oh, sir, sir. Not mine. They're custom built.

That should do it.

Yeah, one way or the other.

Well, if the clubs can take the torque, we should be fine.

But, uh, there is one problem.

What's that?

Benson, I cannot see who is going to fly the helicopter.

Yeah, that's right. I almost forgot.

Well, the governor's flown a small plane. Yeah, yeah. I can do that.

Sir, I don't think you can operate the pedals with your bad ankle. If you can't

operate the pedals, you can't fly.

Oh, shoot.

I really wanted to fly that thing.

Okay, Benson, you can do it.

There is nothing that you can say that will convince me to fly that helicopter.

If you don't fly us out of here, Tommy will die.

That was a low blow.

Okay, Clayton, show me what I have to do.

That's it.

I need some help with Tommy.

You left the thing before.

Yeah.

Come on, Tommy. We're going to try to get you in the planer.

Ah, good boy.

Back him up there.

Watch it there. Watch it.

Okay. Excuse me.

Ow.

Watch your leg.

All right, Benson, I've taught

you everything I know. It's in your hands.

Good luck, Benson.

All right, all right.

How do you start it?

Oh, I forgot to show you how to start it. You forgot to show me how to start

Okay,

Clayton, before we get started, is there any other little bit of information you

failed to tell me?

Well, uh, I didn't really cover crash procedures, but I'm afraid we won't need

that. Keep praying.

Here we go.

Keep doing fine, Vincent. You're doing fine.

Don't talk to me while I'm driving.

Are we out?

Yes. Yes, we're up.

We're going forward now. Right into a big rock.

Thanks, Governor.

I think I got the hang of this. Yeah, yeah. I do.

Do a little left turn here now.

Good going, Benson. We're going to make it.

Well, Governor, I bet it'll be a long time before you get into another

helicopter. It'll be a long time before he gets into a pair of shoes.

We all got back alive.

That's the thing that matters.

Too bad I wasn't out there. I'm good at living off the land.

If it was up to me, you'd be living off the earth.

What was it like out there in that hot, scorching desert, staring death in the

face? You want to know what it was like? Go to your room, turn up the heat, and

look in the mirror.

Give me a break. Teasing Krauss keeps me young.