Original subtitles

Morning, Benson.

Morning, Governor.

Beautiful day for golf. Yes, it is.

Who's out for it?

Blabbermouth. I am not playing golf with Krause.

No, Tommy Young, you know, the assistant golf pro at the country club.

Oh, yeah, the world's largest consumer of mint green leisure clothing.

Clayton's bloody.

Who won the 1978 Idaho Invitational?

Would you show me that grip again, Tommy?

You two want to be alone?

Oh, put it in a pocket.

Is Sports ready to go out and drop a few weeds today?

I wonder what's keeping Clayton. Where is this golf course he's taking us to

anyway? It's a surprise.

Well, Endicott says it's a great course.

How come you guys know about this surprise and I don't?

What the hell is that?

That is Clayton and his helicopter.

He's got to take us across the state to the Indian Mounds Country Club.

That's not a surprise. That's two surprises.

When did Clayton learn how to fly a helicopter?

Last summer. He's been dying to take me out for a ride.

That IndyCut, classy guy.

Imagine flying us 250 miles to play golf.

Hey, some dodo bird just blew garbage all over the place.

Is there any reason to yell at me, Mrs. Cassidy?

Here's the dodo bird now.

Hey. You just blew garbage all over the place. What are you going to do about

it? Nothing.

Not the way we aviators are. We live life on the edge and the devil take the

hindmost. What is he talking about?

I think that scarf has cut off the blood supply to his brain.

Well, in just 90 minutes, we'll be touching down at Indian Mounds.

Oh, this is going to be such fun. I can't believe you guys are going in a

helicopter with this bozo.

Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, there is nothing to be concerned about. Do you

think I'd be doing this if it were dangerous?

Think of all I have to live for.

I'm coming up empty, Clayton.

All right.

Let's go, whirlybirds.

Come on, Benson. Indian Mounds is one of the most... Almost as challenging as

the Boise Municipal. You know, I took the 78 Invitational there.

I'll never forget, I was down six strokes, see, and I came from behind.

yeah, that's a wonderful story. This reminds me of my Uncle Ralph.

He had a stroke. Come on, let's get in the helicopter where we can't hear each

other.

You boys have a very good time now.

Bye.

How can they give that guy a license to fly?

He hasn't got the right stuff.

He doesn't have any stuff.

You can't inherit stuff.

No, wait, wait.

You get it.

Oh, I get it.

You getting it? Yeah.

Look at that beautiful elm tree.

If we get any closer, it'll be an elm corsage.

All right, let's see. We want to go east.

Here we go.

Clayton, this is north.

It is not.

Look at the compass.

Huh? Oh. Well, then east must be this way.

This must be how Columbus discovered the West Indies.

What all came down to a birdie on 18th? What?

A birdie.

Where?

Oh, she handles like a dream, doesn't she, Benson?

Ask me that once we're back on the ground.

Can you do tricks here, Clayton?

Governor, please. I was just asking.

Oh, Benson, you'd be surprised how easy it is to fly one of these babies.

Go on, take the stick. I don't want the stick, Clayton. Ah, come on, Benson, be

a sport. Take the stick. I don't want the stick. It's all yours.

Take the stick back, Clayton.

Don't take it, Clayton.

Oh, this is fun.

If you think it's so much fun, you come up here and take the stick.

Oh, okay, but we'll have to change seats on the sit -down.

What was that?

Seems to be a little engine trouble.

What'd you do now, sport?

I didn't do anything, Tommy.

Clayton? I got it.

Why is it so quiet?

Mayday. Mayday.

Does that answer your question?

This is November Tango 2 -2. No, no, no, no, no. It's November 2 -2. No, no.

November 2 -2. Oh, damn it. I forgot my number.

Talk later.

First time I ever did that.

Is everybody all right?

I whacked my head pretty good.

I think I swallowed my gum.

Do you have a first aid kit?

It's under the seat. I'll call in our position.

Our position is somewhere in the middle of a vast desert.

Actually, this isn't a desert. See, this is an arid plain.

Officially, we don't have deserts in this state.

Officially, huh?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, then knock it off. The last thing we need is a lesson in topography.

Bad news.

The radio doesn't work.

The radio doesn't work.

How did you know that?

Haven't you ever been to the movies? The radio never works.

Well, don't take that attitude.

You had the stick.

I didn't want the stick.

If you weren't qualified, you shouldn't have had the stick.

Wish I had a stick now.

All right, all right, let's not make a big thing out of this. The radio was

probably damaged when we landed.

You call what we just did a landing?

Oh, I suppose you could have done better.

Rather than dropping like a rock. We did not drop like a rock. We auto -rotated.

We crashed.

Oh, calm down. There's an old saying, any landing you can walk away from is a

good landing.

Oh! What happened?

What happened? What'd you do?

Twisted my ankle.

Can you walk?

Oh, here, let me get this.

It won't take the weight.

Try that.

I don't know. Think a free iron would be better.

What? It's longer.

Here, sir.

Oh, oh, that's much better.

I'm going to look around over here.

I'll check the bird.

Gee, fellas, I'm really sorry about the ankle.

Oh, my head doesn't feel so good either, you know.

Here, I'll take a look at it. No, it's all right, all right. I'm fine, I'm

Well, there's no blood.

There's a bump.

Oh, here's another bump.

Maybe they're just your natural head bumps.

See anything familiar?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dirt.

Miles and miles and miles of dirt.

Well, I figured out what brought the chopper down.

Gravity. A ruptured fuel line. And when we hit...

We snapped the pitch link. What does that mean in everyday language?

It's broken.

Sums it up for me.

Well, I better get these umbrellas out of here.

There's some shade.

Otherwise, we'll bake in the sun.

Yeah. You like our movie? I can't. I'm semi -grounded. Well, come on. We'll ask

your dad.

Oh, he's not home yet.

He's not?

Huh. How strange.

Well, I'll just call over to Indian Moms and leave a message.

Great. Well, adios, ladies.

I'm off to the Lariat.

You mean that country and western bar? Yeah.

I've always been a sucker for a man who wears leather. Of course, nowadays, so

are the men who wear leather.

Well, hasta luego, wranglers.

Hello.

I'd like to leave a message for Governor Gatling.

Well, how do I know where he is? If he's done with his stupid game of golf, he's

probably having dinner.

He didn't?

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the matter?

But they never showed up at Indian Mound.

I'm gonna call the police.

What are you doing?

Building a fire.

Gets chilly out here.

Yeah, right here?

I would prefer to build it in my fireplace at home, but thought this

more convenient.

Take a deep breath.

Smell anything?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

It's something familiar.

It's kind of pungent, but it's not unpleasant.

It'll be real unpleasant if you strike a match.

It's gasoline.

Oh.

Right,

right, right. So why don't you do it over there?

Benson,

we have a problem.

Oh, what? It just occurred to you?

This is a new problem.

Good. I was beginning to get bored by the old one.

Take that attitude.

We're all in the same boat here.

Clayton, only you could stand in the middle of an arid desert and think boat.

What's the problem?

You remember that first aid course?

Yeah, the one you and I took together?

Hmm. The one I graduated with honors.

Well, you should have. You took the instructor to dinner.

What is the problem?

Now, Tommy is experiencing...

Nausea. What do you mean?

I mean he's, uh, disgorging the contents of his stomach.

You mean he's... Uh, yes, yes, mm -hmm.

Well, that's not good. He could dehydrate.

Yeah, it's also a sign of concussion.

Will you take a look at him?

Yeah, sure. Uh, Governor.

Huh? Start the fire without me.

For God's sake, try not to fall in.

Thanks, sir. Yes.

Sound travels in the desert.

Oh, sorry.

Benson, thanks for helping with this. You know, even though I graduated with

honors, just between you and me, I only feel confident with a rubber dummy.

Go for it.

That way, if the relationship fails, you can always use her as an eraser.

So, how you doing, Tommy?

That's a stupid question.

I'm barfing my guts out.

How's your head?

It hurts.

Look, I'm okay.

Leave me alone, huh?

Okay, okay, sport. Okay.

I think you better keep an eye on him.

Try not to let him fall asleep.

Well, how do you propose I do that?

Talk to him about the Idaho Invitational.

So what's going on?

Looks like Tommy's crack on the head is worse than we thought.

Oh, I hope not. There isn't a medical facility for miles around here.

There aren't any facilities for miles around here.

That's why they call it uncivilized.

What is this?

Well, it'll be a fire when I get it finished.

It's going to be a shopping mall when you get it finished.

Why don't you start small and add to it?

Look, Benson.

I'm building the fire. Why don't you continue to look at the map?

I'm simply trying to... And Clayton can look after Tommy.

But I'm just simply trying to... Division of responsibility.

See, that's the key to leadership.

Otherwise, nobody's going to have any fun at all around here. Fun? This is a

helicopter crash.

I didn't mean fun. I meant fun in the sense of...

Well, like those guys on Hogan's Heroes.

If they hadn't gotten along, how much fun would prison camp have been, huh?

I honestly don't know.

Well, think about it. I'd rather not. I'd rather look at the map.

hell is taking them so long to rescue us? I think I have the answer to that

right here.

See those rocks over there?

Yes, I see those rocks over there.

See them here on the map?

Yes, I see them on the map.

Now let's look for the golf course.

Oh, Benson, don't be ludicrous. I couldn't see the golf course from here,

especially at night. On the map.

Huh?

Okay.

There it is.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

We're about three fingers off course.

Oh, my gosh. That's 70 miles, give or take a finger.

Oh.

Oh.

That's what I call a fire.

So what's going on?

Uh, I'll tell you what's going on. It's very simple what's going on. We're

doomed.

What's he talking about?

Huh? We're 70 miles off course.

Clayton, for Pete's sake.

Can't you do anything right?

How could you fly us in the wrong direction?

Well, it's not necessarily my fault. Benson could have done it. I drove the

plane where you pointed.

So what are we going to do now?

Well, I say, for the time being, we stay put, keep the fire going, hope somebody

finds us. They're not going to find us. They're looking in the wrong place.

We have no food.

We have no water.

We're dead.

We're doomed.

We're done for.

We might as well dig a hole in the ground, lie down in it, and throw dirt

us. Shut up!

Benson's right.

We're going to stay here.

We're gonna wait for dog.

Anything else, Pletscher? Well, keep our fingers crossed and pray that

some of them meat -eating animals hiding out there in the rocks don't consider

us a takeout meal.

Benson, Benson.

What, what?

I want to say goodbye.

Okay, goodbye.

Benson, Benson.

You back already?

I haven't left yet. I need to talk to you.

About what?

I want to give you this.

Okay, Clayton, thank you. I'm moved by your generosity.

It's my will.

What?

Hey, guys, could you take your conversation someplace else?

I'd be happy to take it anywhere else.

Unfortunately, we're stuck.

Look, I'm trying to sleep, and it's very difficult.

What's so important that can't wait until in the morning?

Clayton's leaving us.

Where are you going?

Sir, it has become more and more apparent that we are not going to be

and I've decided to go for help.

Clayton, that's very dangerous.

I think we should all stay here and wait it out.

Sir, I'm very confident that I can make it.

Then why'd you give me this wheel?

Just trust me. This is the best way I'm going to walk out.

You can't go traipsing across the desert. It gets very hot out there.

I can make it, sir. I was a Marine. You were a Marine lawyer.

Listen, mister, I don't need your permission.

I'm going for help.

What are you going to do for water?

I'll suck on a cactus.

luck, Clayton.

Think we ought to stop him?

No, I don't think so.

Maybe he can make it.

Let's hope so.

I thought you said you were sleepy.

I can't, no.

How on earth did you find a harmonica anyway?

Oh, I always carry a harmonica when I fly.

You want to know why? No.

Just keep playing.